Ballmastrz 9009 (2018) s01e06 Episode Script
Honor! Money! Swords! Dongs! Ultimate Gaz Boom Boom Rookie Card Battle Begin! Fight!
1
Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Holo card day!
I'm so excited!
- Ugh!
- Today, we'll be immortalized
as athletes in holo card form.
You really care
about this baloney?
I do!
I programmed a 3D avatar
of myself
into this blank holo card
so that I could simulate
different holo card poses
and find the most optimal pose
for me to perform my holo card.
This pose has a 98% chance of
pleasing my most dedicated fans.
So a 98% chance
of pleasing nobody!
Got it!
Man, what the hell
is this line for?
Drugs?
I hope it's drugs.
It's holo card day, Gaz!
Agh! Would you keep it
to a low rumble, kid?
I am still metabolizing
everything I put
into my body last night.
You sure you want to go
with that pose, huh?
Don't you think it's optimal?
I think it's craptimal.
Here, try this.
That's right, baby.
- But it's mostly all ball.
True. There is
a lot of ball,
but you gotta give the
people what they want!
People want balls!
Agh! You're probably
gonna wanna
overexpose the mutate line.
- Why?
- 'Cause pictures of me?
Always come out dark.
Whoa.
Agh! Aah!
Yeah-eah!
That's right, baby.
Would you prefer
I come back tomorrow,
when you're not hung over?
And fat.
Agh! Screw you
and take the stupid thing.
Agh!
This looks even worse
than you do in real life.
Would you like a do-over?
Fix it in post, genius.
Who cares about
holo cards anyway?
They're for lame babies.
Oh, love holo cards!
And I have an extensive
holo card collection,
of holo cards!
Exactly!
Would you guys like to see it?!
No!
- This is a '63 Kilmore Crusher.
- Arghhh!
Here's my '57 Mega-Fist.
I have Stinkfinger's
league MVP card.
And this one's my most beloved.
What's up?
This is from Gaz's rookie year
with the Boom Boom Boys.
You have a Gaz
Boom Boom rookie card?!
- H-Hey!
- I remember these!
Check it out.
If you turn it like so
and view it from
the proper angle
I wonder if she broke
a league record
for that athletic feat.
Ew!
Make it stop!
Aw, that's tragically
embarrassing.
I don't get it.
What am I supposed to see?
What the hell?!
- Aww!
- Hey!
I didn't think you could
find those anymore.
I bought them all up
when they came out.
All of them, you say?
That was very funny!
Yeah, yeah.
It's as if you were
sucking a giant dong!
- I still don't get it.
- Holy whoa!
These are worth
a frickin' fortune!
Gaz, where's your stash?!
I don't have 'em anymore.
I left them with my ex,
a few exes back.
Well, come on! Let's go
get 'em and sell 'em.
We'll make a mint!
No!
We should get them
to defend Gaz's honor!
Eat me, stumpy.
What are we waiting for?!
Come on!
Take us to your ex's place!
Uh, no way.
Dude's a total psycho.
Then just give me
his address and I'll go.
I'll be happy to control
all the profits
and all the embarrassing
sports memorabilia.
No! I will retrieve the cards
and defend Gaz's honor!
- Money!
- Honor!
Knock it off, you two!
- Honor!
- Money!
All right, fine, we'll go!
Jeez!
Here we are.
We'll divide it
fairly three ways:
10% for you, 10% for you,
80% for me.
Gaz, I have no interest
in profiting off your honor.
But I do have a question:
If your ex-boyfriend is so bad,
why didn't he release
the holo cards
back to the public
to embarrass you?
I don't know, kid.
Like I said, dude's crazy!
Someone ring the bell!
Aaaaah!
- Identify yourself.
- Hello.
We'd like to speak to the owner
of the house, please.
I'm Ace Ambling
and this is Baby Ball.
We play for the Leptons.
- Losers!
Hey, brother ball!
Ball to ball, right?
You're gonna let us in, right?
Balls helping balls?
Beat it, losers.
Ewww!
We will not beat it!
We are here to defend
the honor of Gaz Digzy!
Aaagh!
Intruder. Intruder. Intruder.
- Ow!
- Ah, shit.
Aaaaah!
- Agh!
- Aaaaah!
- Agh.
- Aaaaaaah!
♪♪
Agh!
Whaaah-ah-ah-ah!
Whoa-oa.
♪♪
Aha!
- Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Oh, shit.
- Ha-ha!
- Incoming!
Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Ballmastrz.
That's one hell
of a security system.
- Come on! Let's do this!
- No turning back now.
- Who dares to break in
- Huh?
To the sanctuary
of my master's home?
Oh, jeez!
Who's this fruitcake?
He's like my ex's bestie.
We demand to see your master!
Once you break in to this house,
you do not make demands;
you make a choice.
You must choose between
dying quickly or dying slowly.
I mean, that is
a rotten set of options.
Asshole lays it on a little
thick, don't you think?
- Choose!
- Yeah, hey!
Yugi-ohy, ah?
What's up?
Long time no see, huh?
It's me, Gaz.
- Gaz Digzy?!
I didn't recognize you
because you are so fat now.
Look, man, I'm just here
to pick up some
of my old stuff.
Let's not make this
more awkward than
it needs to be, okay?
More awkward?
More awkward?!
Guards!
- Guards?!
♪♪
♪♪
All right, isn't this
getting out of hand?
Bros before hos!
Ball sword!
Ballmastrz.
Ahh!
Ha ha!
Ballmastrz.
- Ahhgh!
- Ballmastrz.
Ha ha!
Gaz Digzy!
Ahh!
You remind my master
of when he was much less mature
and of the bad
relationship decisions
he made at that time.
To help my master, Jo Jo Cracko,
truly move on
and be ready to meet the one,
I must destroy you!
Wait a minute. Wait
a minute! Hold the phone.
You ex is the Jo Jo Cracko,
notorious mob boss of Ulsa Garin
Jo Jo Cracko?
That one?
I never asked the guy
what he did for a living.
I helped break in to the house
of gangland kingpin
Jo Jo Cracko,
complicit in the murder
of several of alleged
underworld figure
Jo Jo Cracko's henchmen?
Aah! Ahh!
Uh-oh!
Great time for performance
anxiety, guys.
Ha! Just a scrawny urchin
and a cowardly orb.
- Guards, finish them!
- Aah!
You're on your own, kid!
Oh! Oh, for the love
of quasar!
Please! Please
don't kill me, Mr. Cracko!
Please!
Agh!
I'm gonna
gouge out your beady eyes
and shove 'em up your ass
and then skull-[bleep]
your empty sockets.
Aaah!
Oh, please, don't!
I didn't know it was your house!
It was all her idea!
Whose idea?
Mine.
Digzy, is that you?
'Ey, Jo Jo.
Sorry for dropping by
without warning.
Without warning?!
I took out a restraining
order on you!
You're not supposed to be
within 100 vectors of me
at all times!
I could call the cops!
Cops?!
Restraining order?
You don't understand,
this bitch is crazy.
I had to see
an analyst after her.
I still take pills for my nerves
'cause of this broad.
Ahh, come on, Jo Jo, huh?
We had some laughs.
You sank my yacht!
- Agh!
- Don't come any closer.
Why'd you come back?
Wh-What do you want from me?
We've come for Gaz's property:
her collection of Gaz
Boom Boom rookie cards!
The cards, that's it?
Yes!
Here, take 'em, by all means.
I tried to give her this
stuff a million times,
but she never called me back.
I kept it safe
'cause I was terrified
she's go ballistic on me
if she ever found out
I got rid of them.
Skull-my eye sockets, huh?
Just go, okay?
Please?
Agh.
Coming back to my master's
house in the future
would be completely uncool.
- Ahh!
You should focus your mind
on developing boundaries
and, if you cannot,
you should respect my master's.
[ Sinister music plays ]
Now get the [bleep] out!
♪♪
What I tell you?
Dude's a total psycho!
So, mission accomplished,
am I right?
So, what, three-way split?
I mean, they're your cards,
so I suppose I could
accept a 20% cut.
Coward Ball gets nothing
but Jack and shit!
Ace!
My little man.
You got real balls!
Eenie-meenie Baby Ball!
I'll go 50/50 with ya.
I don't want any money.
I'm just glad to know
your dignity
was returned to you.
More for me.
Now let's go sell
my dignity
to the highest bidder!
Dum-dum Digzy does it again!
Do you remember the Gaz
Boom Boom rookie card,
the one that made Gaz
look like she's
about to suck a giant dong?
Giant dong!
Well, Gaz's Lepton rookie card
is even more
- Agh!
- Pathetically hilarious.
Son of a bitch.
Ooh!
This is too perfect!
I'm gonna go buy a gross
of these new holo cards!
Look on the bright side, Gaz.
Now you can buy up all your
new embarrassing holo cards
with the money you made
selling the old ones.
Ah, bite me!
♪♪Ballmastrz.
Ballmastrz.
Ballmastrz?
Ballmastr
Chirp.
♪♪
Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Holo card day!
I'm so excited!
- Ugh!
- Today, we'll be immortalized
as athletes in holo card form.
You really care
about this baloney?
I do!
I programmed a 3D avatar
of myself
into this blank holo card
so that I could simulate
different holo card poses
and find the most optimal pose
for me to perform my holo card.
This pose has a 98% chance of
pleasing my most dedicated fans.
So a 98% chance
of pleasing nobody!
Got it!
Man, what the hell
is this line for?
Drugs?
I hope it's drugs.
It's holo card day, Gaz!
Agh! Would you keep it
to a low rumble, kid?
I am still metabolizing
everything I put
into my body last night.
You sure you want to go
with that pose, huh?
Don't you think it's optimal?
I think it's craptimal.
Here, try this.
That's right, baby.
- But it's mostly all ball.
True. There is
a lot of ball,
but you gotta give the
people what they want!
People want balls!
Agh! You're probably
gonna wanna
overexpose the mutate line.
- Why?
- 'Cause pictures of me?
Always come out dark.
Whoa.
Agh! Aah!
Yeah-eah!
That's right, baby.
Would you prefer
I come back tomorrow,
when you're not hung over?
And fat.
Agh! Screw you
and take the stupid thing.
Agh!
This looks even worse
than you do in real life.
Would you like a do-over?
Fix it in post, genius.
Who cares about
holo cards anyway?
They're for lame babies.
Oh, love holo cards!
And I have an extensive
holo card collection,
of holo cards!
Exactly!
Would you guys like to see it?!
No!
- This is a '63 Kilmore Crusher.
- Arghhh!
Here's my '57 Mega-Fist.
I have Stinkfinger's
league MVP card.
And this one's my most beloved.
What's up?
This is from Gaz's rookie year
with the Boom Boom Boys.
You have a Gaz
Boom Boom rookie card?!
- H-Hey!
- I remember these!
Check it out.
If you turn it like so
and view it from
the proper angle
I wonder if she broke
a league record
for that athletic feat.
Ew!
Make it stop!
Aw, that's tragically
embarrassing.
I don't get it.
What am I supposed to see?
What the hell?!
- Aww!
- Hey!
I didn't think you could
find those anymore.
I bought them all up
when they came out.
All of them, you say?
That was very funny!
Yeah, yeah.
It's as if you were
sucking a giant dong!
- I still don't get it.
- Holy whoa!
These are worth
a frickin' fortune!
Gaz, where's your stash?!
I don't have 'em anymore.
I left them with my ex,
a few exes back.
Well, come on! Let's go
get 'em and sell 'em.
We'll make a mint!
No!
We should get them
to defend Gaz's honor!
Eat me, stumpy.
What are we waiting for?!
Come on!
Take us to your ex's place!
Uh, no way.
Dude's a total psycho.
Then just give me
his address and I'll go.
I'll be happy to control
all the profits
and all the embarrassing
sports memorabilia.
No! I will retrieve the cards
and defend Gaz's honor!
- Money!
- Honor!
Knock it off, you two!
- Honor!
- Money!
All right, fine, we'll go!
Jeez!
Here we are.
We'll divide it
fairly three ways:
10% for you, 10% for you,
80% for me.
Gaz, I have no interest
in profiting off your honor.
But I do have a question:
If your ex-boyfriend is so bad,
why didn't he release
the holo cards
back to the public
to embarrass you?
I don't know, kid.
Like I said, dude's crazy!
Someone ring the bell!
Aaaaah!
- Identify yourself.
- Hello.
We'd like to speak to the owner
of the house, please.
I'm Ace Ambling
and this is Baby Ball.
We play for the Leptons.
- Losers!
Hey, brother ball!
Ball to ball, right?
You're gonna let us in, right?
Balls helping balls?
Beat it, losers.
Ewww!
We will not beat it!
We are here to defend
the honor of Gaz Digzy!
Aaagh!
Intruder. Intruder. Intruder.
- Ow!
- Ah, shit.
Aaaaah!
- Agh!
- Aaaaah!
- Agh.
- Aaaaaaah!
♪♪
Agh!
Whaaah-ah-ah-ah!
Whoa-oa.
♪♪
Aha!
- Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Oh, shit.
- Ha-ha!
- Incoming!
Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Ballmastrz.
That's one hell
of a security system.
- Come on! Let's do this!
- No turning back now.
- Who dares to break in
- Huh?
To the sanctuary
of my master's home?
Oh, jeez!
Who's this fruitcake?
He's like my ex's bestie.
We demand to see your master!
Once you break in to this house,
you do not make demands;
you make a choice.
You must choose between
dying quickly or dying slowly.
I mean, that is
a rotten set of options.
Asshole lays it on a little
thick, don't you think?
- Choose!
- Yeah, hey!
Yugi-ohy, ah?
What's up?
Long time no see, huh?
It's me, Gaz.
- Gaz Digzy?!
I didn't recognize you
because you are so fat now.
Look, man, I'm just here
to pick up some
of my old stuff.
Let's not make this
more awkward than
it needs to be, okay?
More awkward?
More awkward?!
Guards!
- Guards?!
♪♪
♪♪
All right, isn't this
getting out of hand?
Bros before hos!
Ball sword!
Ballmastrz.
Ahh!
Ha ha!
Ballmastrz.
- Ahhgh!
- Ballmastrz.
Ha ha!
Gaz Digzy!
Ahh!
You remind my master
of when he was much less mature
and of the bad
relationship decisions
he made at that time.
To help my master, Jo Jo Cracko,
truly move on
and be ready to meet the one,
I must destroy you!
Wait a minute. Wait
a minute! Hold the phone.
You ex is the Jo Jo Cracko,
notorious mob boss of Ulsa Garin
Jo Jo Cracko?
That one?
I never asked the guy
what he did for a living.
I helped break in to the house
of gangland kingpin
Jo Jo Cracko,
complicit in the murder
of several of alleged
underworld figure
Jo Jo Cracko's henchmen?
Aah! Ahh!
Uh-oh!
Great time for performance
anxiety, guys.
Ha! Just a scrawny urchin
and a cowardly orb.
- Guards, finish them!
- Aah!
You're on your own, kid!
Oh! Oh, for the love
of quasar!
Please! Please
don't kill me, Mr. Cracko!
Please!
Agh!
I'm gonna
gouge out your beady eyes
and shove 'em up your ass
and then skull-[bleep]
your empty sockets.
Aaah!
Oh, please, don't!
I didn't know it was your house!
It was all her idea!
Whose idea?
Mine.
Digzy, is that you?
'Ey, Jo Jo.
Sorry for dropping by
without warning.
Without warning?!
I took out a restraining
order on you!
You're not supposed to be
within 100 vectors of me
at all times!
I could call the cops!
Cops?!
Restraining order?
You don't understand,
this bitch is crazy.
I had to see
an analyst after her.
I still take pills for my nerves
'cause of this broad.
Ahh, come on, Jo Jo, huh?
We had some laughs.
You sank my yacht!
- Agh!
- Don't come any closer.
Why'd you come back?
Wh-What do you want from me?
We've come for Gaz's property:
her collection of Gaz
Boom Boom rookie cards!
The cards, that's it?
Yes!
Here, take 'em, by all means.
I tried to give her this
stuff a million times,
but she never called me back.
I kept it safe
'cause I was terrified
she's go ballistic on me
if she ever found out
I got rid of them.
Skull-my eye sockets, huh?
Just go, okay?
Please?
Agh.
Coming back to my master's
house in the future
would be completely uncool.
- Ahh!
You should focus your mind
on developing boundaries
and, if you cannot,
you should respect my master's.
[ Sinister music plays ]
Now get the [bleep] out!
♪♪
What I tell you?
Dude's a total psycho!
So, mission accomplished,
am I right?
So, what, three-way split?
I mean, they're your cards,
so I suppose I could
accept a 20% cut.
Coward Ball gets nothing
but Jack and shit!
Ace!
My little man.
You got real balls!
Eenie-meenie Baby Ball!
I'll go 50/50 with ya.
I don't want any money.
I'm just glad to know
your dignity
was returned to you.
More for me.
Now let's go sell
my dignity
to the highest bidder!
Dum-dum Digzy does it again!
Do you remember the Gaz
Boom Boom rookie card,
the one that made Gaz
look like she's
about to suck a giant dong?
Giant dong!
Well, Gaz's Lepton rookie card
is even more
- Agh!
- Pathetically hilarious.
Son of a bitch.
Ooh!
This is too perfect!
I'm gonna go buy a gross
of these new holo cards!
Look on the bright side, Gaz.
Now you can buy up all your
new embarrassing holo cards
with the money you made
selling the old ones.
Ah, bite me!
♪♪Ballmastrz.
Ballmastrz.
Ballmastrz?
Ballmastr
Chirp.
♪♪