Ballmastrz 9009 (2018) s02e01 Episode Script
Infinite Hugs: Cold Embrace of the Bloodless Progenitors!
1
"Ballmastrz."
Gaz Digzy didn't screw up
for once.
Turns out staying
with the Leptons
ain't as dumb as it sounds
because things are
finally looking up
for those longtime losers.
Yeah, I guess I got
a whole thing here,
so why not stick around?
Ha-ha-ha.
Whoopee.
Blabber Ball:
Reached for comment,
Creator of "The Game"
and supreme ruler,
Lord Crayzar crackled ominously
for 3 hours straight.
Here's a 1-second clip.
Woo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Blabber Ball:
But the ball doesn't stop there.
The brave spirit of teamwork
in their hearts
led the unlikely Leptons to win
some games this season,
showing moments
of actual non-suckage.
These former failures
must all be thrilled.
[Buzzer sounding]
♪♪
Wow. Our fan mail is
finally neck and neck
with our hate mail
and unsolicited dick pics.
A scroll
from my favorite sensei?
He only writes of matters
of great importance.
He's never been so emotional.
Ahhh!
We notice your subscription
is about to expire.
They remembered me.
Ahh!
Ooh.
Mama and Papa sent candy.
I wish I could share the joy
with my parents,
which I can't
on account of I'm an orphan.
Yeah, you know,
I totally forgot about that
and most other things
about you.
Lucky for me,
I'm still in touch
with the spawning vat
that extruded me.
It says, "Congratulations,
love, Mommy."
Mm. Oh.
Ha-ha-ha.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, kid.
Does it look like
I'm banging a wolf
or a fox in this here
erotic fan art?
Aw, who knows?
Art is subjective.
But if you had
a bizarro bestiality baby,
he'd be much happier
than me.
What's with
this sad-sack shit?
And is this
an orphan thing,
or did he find something
new to be a puss about?
Orphan?
Go figure.
Why does he got to
bring down the room?
And it's not like
we can just make him parents
to cheer him up.
Oh!
Technology, what can't
it pretend to fix?
Well, it says
these synth workers
handle all kinds
of stuff
labor, data entry, housework
and 40 or 50
sexual disciplines.
No mention, however,
of familial love.
I've faked more
for the right price.
Load the kid's data
and fire it up.
[Wretching]
[Computer whirring, beeping]
[Ding!]
♪♪
Ace, guess
who showed up?
Summertime Santa?
I knew he was real.
No, dummy.
It's your long lost parents.
Whoa!
[Squeaking]
[Zing!]
♪♪
♪♪
Son, I've waited
10 long years
of my 5-minute life
for this moment.
My boy, I'm so sorry
we forgot you at an orphanage
while asking for direction
to a water park.
Guys?
No, you're not the only one
who can tell they're fake.
[Both grunt]
I mean, I can totally see
where Ace
gets his totally
not fakeness from.
Ah, I'm so glad you found me.
Where are my manners?
These are my teammates
and best friends, the Leptons.
So what have you been up
to while
neglecting Ace his whole life?
We are both hardworking
career-having humans.
I am an esteemed butt doctor
working on the cure for farts.
Gah-goo.
Why'd I let you program
his backstory?
I'm a private eye.
My biggest case was
tracking down you, son.
If only I'd thought to watch
the news or search the Internet
or ask anyone
anything ever.
That's all in the past.
Let's embark on a future
of normal family fun.
Where we'll keep you safe.
♪♪
[Laughs]
Whee!
Aah!
[Splat!]
[Groans]
♪♪
[All chuckling]
Ah! Ooh.
Whoa!
Aah!
♪♪
[Laughter]
That's our boy.
[Squeaking]
[Laughs]
Hey, who-hey.
[Giggles]
Yeah.
Ah, ahh!
♪♪
My luck i
s finally changing.
A boardwalk buzzard hasn't even
pooped on me today.
See?
[Buzzard screeches]
Whoa.
Ace, speak to me.
Is Mommy's weak,
little flesh bod hurt?
[Laughs]
Parental concern tickles.
[Screeches]
[Squawks]
Whoo-hoo-hoo.
Fireworks.
♪♪
♪♪
That was the best day ever.
♪♪
Why are we in
a maintenance closet?
Just want to
do some tinkering.
Today was perfect, so we might
as well make it more perfect.
Oh, this silly,
what do you call it, face,
is getting in my way.
Ha-ha-ha. This bland doughy
dermis seems a bit loony
if you ask me, sweetums.
Aah!
You
You're not my real parents?
Ace, love is strong,
but mortal flesh is weak.
The love of synth parents
like us is better than real.
It's real lipless.
Tee-hee.
We weren't
created to fail.
We want to keep you
safe forever.
But at the moment,
you're just a bit
Oh, what's that word
for hopelessly fallible?
Human!
Bingo!
Now, let's spruce you up
with some augmentations.
You'll barely
even notice it.
How much of me
are you going to change?
For optimal results,
we'll only need to swap out,
say, 103% of you.
Now, hold still,
pookie.
[Light laughter]
[Ace screams in distance]
So he's either dying,
or he saw a booby on the TV.
Please, don't.
All I wanted was
a normal family.
I almost considered that your
cheapo synths would go hog wild.
It's nearly as I suspected
all along.
Now unhand our Ace
you dirty Mother-Fakers.
Parental overreaction
activate.
Aah!
[Grunts]
Ah!
Wha!
- Oh.
- Everyone, please stop fighting.
Aww.
Yo, squirt,
it's Ballmaster time.
- No.
- Ow!
Hey, what gives,
asshole?
I won't fight them.
I don't care
if they're crazy fakeoids.
They're the only parents I have.
[Grunts]
Aah!
Wha
What the fuh
Whoa.
My time spent under
the permanent blood moon
of the Fertile Yona Crescent
zone showed me true meaning
of parental care as the queen
hyper wolf selflessly took me
into her litter
and nursed me back to health
after the gruesome
yet formative battle
against the glacier golems.
You foul automatons insult
such noble gifts of the heart,
offending me
and my tightly toned core.
I now wield against you
the ultimate symbol
of familial unity
of the Leptons!
[Grunting]
Whoa.
[Laughs]
[Laughs]
Huh!
[Roars]
Ye-aaaaah!
[Grunts]
[Groaning]
[All cheer]
♪♪
[Laughs]
[All shout]
[Both screech]
Ballmasters.
Quit being evil and be regular,
pretty please with sugar on top?
Uh, kid, I know you'd
rather hug it out,
but this relationship
seems a bit toxic,
and I think
it's time you let go.
Yeah, dude.
Hurry up and kill your parents.
[Echoing]
Kill your parents.
Son, stop thwarting our
berserk rampage this instant.
We're only murdering
your friends
because we love you
Ace-y face.
They say you always hurt
the ones you love,
so I hurt you guys
[Echoing] forever.
I, uh,
I'm sorry that, uh
No, don't be sorry.
I thought I needed parents
to be normal,
but you guys are
all the family I need.
Does this mean we got to start
buying this guy birthday gifts?
Nah.
♪♪
Chirp.
Rad.
"Ballmastrz."
Gaz Digzy didn't screw up
for once.
Turns out staying
with the Leptons
ain't as dumb as it sounds
because things are
finally looking up
for those longtime losers.
Yeah, I guess I got
a whole thing here,
so why not stick around?
Ha-ha-ha.
Whoopee.
Blabber Ball:
Reached for comment,
Creator of "The Game"
and supreme ruler,
Lord Crayzar crackled ominously
for 3 hours straight.
Here's a 1-second clip.
Woo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Blabber Ball:
But the ball doesn't stop there.
The brave spirit of teamwork
in their hearts
led the unlikely Leptons to win
some games this season,
showing moments
of actual non-suckage.
These former failures
must all be thrilled.
[Buzzer sounding]
♪♪
Wow. Our fan mail is
finally neck and neck
with our hate mail
and unsolicited dick pics.
A scroll
from my favorite sensei?
He only writes of matters
of great importance.
He's never been so emotional.
Ahhh!
We notice your subscription
is about to expire.
They remembered me.
Ahh!
Ooh.
Mama and Papa sent candy.
I wish I could share the joy
with my parents,
which I can't
on account of I'm an orphan.
Yeah, you know,
I totally forgot about that
and most other things
about you.
Lucky for me,
I'm still in touch
with the spawning vat
that extruded me.
It says, "Congratulations,
love, Mommy."
Mm. Oh.
Ha-ha-ha.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, kid.
Does it look like
I'm banging a wolf
or a fox in this here
erotic fan art?
Aw, who knows?
Art is subjective.
But if you had
a bizarro bestiality baby,
he'd be much happier
than me.
What's with
this sad-sack shit?
And is this
an orphan thing,
or did he find something
new to be a puss about?
Orphan?
Go figure.
Why does he got to
bring down the room?
And it's not like
we can just make him parents
to cheer him up.
Oh!
Technology, what can't
it pretend to fix?
Well, it says
these synth workers
handle all kinds
of stuff
labor, data entry, housework
and 40 or 50
sexual disciplines.
No mention, however,
of familial love.
I've faked more
for the right price.
Load the kid's data
and fire it up.
[Wretching]
[Computer whirring, beeping]
[Ding!]
♪♪
Ace, guess
who showed up?
Summertime Santa?
I knew he was real.
No, dummy.
It's your long lost parents.
Whoa!
[Squeaking]
[Zing!]
♪♪
♪♪
Son, I've waited
10 long years
of my 5-minute life
for this moment.
My boy, I'm so sorry
we forgot you at an orphanage
while asking for direction
to a water park.
Guys?
No, you're not the only one
who can tell they're fake.
[Both grunt]
I mean, I can totally see
where Ace
gets his totally
not fakeness from.
Ah, I'm so glad you found me.
Where are my manners?
These are my teammates
and best friends, the Leptons.
So what have you been up
to while
neglecting Ace his whole life?
We are both hardworking
career-having humans.
I am an esteemed butt doctor
working on the cure for farts.
Gah-goo.
Why'd I let you program
his backstory?
I'm a private eye.
My biggest case was
tracking down you, son.
If only I'd thought to watch
the news or search the Internet
or ask anyone
anything ever.
That's all in the past.
Let's embark on a future
of normal family fun.
Where we'll keep you safe.
♪♪
[Laughs]
Whee!
Aah!
[Splat!]
[Groans]
♪♪
[All chuckling]
Ah! Ooh.
Whoa!
Aah!
♪♪
[Laughter]
That's our boy.
[Squeaking]
[Laughs]
Hey, who-hey.
[Giggles]
Yeah.
Ah, ahh!
♪♪
My luck i
s finally changing.
A boardwalk buzzard hasn't even
pooped on me today.
See?
[Buzzard screeches]
Whoa.
Ace, speak to me.
Is Mommy's weak,
little flesh bod hurt?
[Laughs]
Parental concern tickles.
[Screeches]
[Squawks]
Whoo-hoo-hoo.
Fireworks.
♪♪
♪♪
That was the best day ever.
♪♪
Why are we in
a maintenance closet?
Just want to
do some tinkering.
Today was perfect, so we might
as well make it more perfect.
Oh, this silly,
what do you call it, face,
is getting in my way.
Ha-ha-ha. This bland doughy
dermis seems a bit loony
if you ask me, sweetums.
Aah!
You
You're not my real parents?
Ace, love is strong,
but mortal flesh is weak.
The love of synth parents
like us is better than real.
It's real lipless.
Tee-hee.
We weren't
created to fail.
We want to keep you
safe forever.
But at the moment,
you're just a bit
Oh, what's that word
for hopelessly fallible?
Human!
Bingo!
Now, let's spruce you up
with some augmentations.
You'll barely
even notice it.
How much of me
are you going to change?
For optimal results,
we'll only need to swap out,
say, 103% of you.
Now, hold still,
pookie.
[Light laughter]
[Ace screams in distance]
So he's either dying,
or he saw a booby on the TV.
Please, don't.
All I wanted was
a normal family.
I almost considered that your
cheapo synths would go hog wild.
It's nearly as I suspected
all along.
Now unhand our Ace
you dirty Mother-Fakers.
Parental overreaction
activate.
Aah!
[Grunts]
Ah!
Wha!
- Oh.
- Everyone, please stop fighting.
Aww.
Yo, squirt,
it's Ballmaster time.
- No.
- Ow!
Hey, what gives,
asshole?
I won't fight them.
I don't care
if they're crazy fakeoids.
They're the only parents I have.
[Grunts]
Aah!
Wha
What the fuh
Whoa.
My time spent under
the permanent blood moon
of the Fertile Yona Crescent
zone showed me true meaning
of parental care as the queen
hyper wolf selflessly took me
into her litter
and nursed me back to health
after the gruesome
yet formative battle
against the glacier golems.
You foul automatons insult
such noble gifts of the heart,
offending me
and my tightly toned core.
I now wield against you
the ultimate symbol
of familial unity
of the Leptons!
[Grunting]
Whoa.
[Laughs]
[Laughs]
Huh!
[Roars]
Ye-aaaaah!
[Grunts]
[Groaning]
[All cheer]
♪♪
[Laughs]
[All shout]
[Both screech]
Ballmasters.
Quit being evil and be regular,
pretty please with sugar on top?
Uh, kid, I know you'd
rather hug it out,
but this relationship
seems a bit toxic,
and I think
it's time you let go.
Yeah, dude.
Hurry up and kill your parents.
[Echoing]
Kill your parents.
Son, stop thwarting our
berserk rampage this instant.
We're only murdering
your friends
because we love you
Ace-y face.
They say you always hurt
the ones you love,
so I hurt you guys
[Echoing] forever.
I, uh,
I'm sorry that, uh
No, don't be sorry.
I thought I needed parents
to be normal,
but you guys are
all the family I need.
Does this mean we got to start
buying this guy birthday gifts?
Nah.
♪♪
Chirp.
Rad.