Based on a True Story (2023) s01e01 Episode Script
The Great American Art Form
1
So how'd it go?
He was actually kind of nice.
See, I told you it would go well.
Second date Friday!
Ah, that's why you're
working out at 11:00 at night.
Um, okay, talk tomorrow.
- Okay, I love you.
- Love you.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Okay.
What's up? What's up, guys?
Welcome back to Exoglass Studios.
It's your girl, Roxie, and I'm here
with your 30-minute hip workout.
But that's enough talking.
Let's get right into it
with some jumping jacks.
Here we go. And one, two.
Get those arms all the way up overhead.
[MUFFLED THUDDING]
You got this. We're
just getting started.
And three. Right into butt kicks.
Two. Last one.
Butt kick.
I'm bringing my heels
all the way to my booty.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
You're doing great.
Go ahead and add in those arms.
Good. Squat nice and low.
Kill those squats.
Hold it here and pulse.
Four, three, we're going into fasties,
two, almost there.
[SCREAMING]
♪
Four, three, two, one more, and release.
Come on, I know it's
hurting, but it hurts so good.
Whew, you are gonna
feel that in the morning.
And we're not done yet.
Now, let's run it out.
Hustle, hustle, hustle.
♪
[TENNIS BALL THUMPING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
And Nathan Bartlett steps up to serve.
It's match point for the
biggest win of his career.
Let's see if he's got
the eye of the tiger.
Forehand down the line. Winner!
Nathan Bartlett takes out
world number one Roger Federer 6-4, 6-2.
Little slow there, Roger.
What a gutsy, never-say-die win.
Could Bartlett be America's
next top ten player?
Based on the patterns we discovered,
we fear the Westside Ripper
will strike again soon.
Do we have to wake up
to murder every morning?
They're talking about that serial killer
that's basically in our back yard.
It is so exciting.
Shouldn't we be playing
"Baby Mozart" or something?
[TIMER CHIMES]
The signs are up. The flyers are out.
I'm baking cookies like
a fucking Keebler elf.
- This house is gonna move fast.
- It better.
The sellers are losing their patience.
All right, I got this, Paul.
- Ow, shit, that's hot.
- Obviously.
I just took them out.
Are those are my pants?
Well, it's not like you're
gonna be wearing them anymore.
- Ugh.
- Love you.
- Morning.
- Morning.
The cookies are awesome.
I used to have an ass like that.
You still have an ass like that.
And my sister is having so much more sex
- than I ever did.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Speak for yourself.
- Oh, excuse me?
- I did really good.
Don't forget the pizza.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I found both victims
lying beside each other.
The killer had dismembered the bodies.
Detective Hardwick of the
Chicago Homicide Division
was the first to arrive
at the horrific scene.
He cut off the arms,
the hands, the legs,
the heads, everything.
Then he put the bodies back together,
except for one small detail.
He swapped the heads.
- Hey, excuse me.
- Hi.
Has the open house started yet?
Uh, uh, yeah, yeah, of course.
I'm Ava. You can go and head in.
I'll be right behind you.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay. Wow.
Edgeless pool and spa, facing south,
so you know you get the sun all day.
Huge barbecue area.
I mean, it's your own private resort
back here, right?
So you've got the one bedroom
downstairs and four upstairs.
It's about 5,000 square feet.
Have you been doing this long?
- Real estate?
- Mm-hmm.
Like five years.
Do you enjoy it?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do.
Actually, I mean, when you
meet a couple that, you know,
finds their dream house, a place where
they wanna raise their family,
it's a really sweet moment.
[MOANING]
[SIOUXSIE AND THE
BANSHEES' "THE PASSENGER"]
- Love the view.
- Hmm?
- The view?
- Mm.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's a g
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
♪
I am the passenger ♪
And I ride and I ride ♪
♪
I ride through the city's backsides ♪
What's up, Jim? Ladies, good morning.
Tess, you gotta turn
your shoulders more.
- There it is.
- Thanks, Coach.
- Hi.
- Oh, hey.
You gotta try the yellowtail.
Herb's new menu is amazing.
- Can we talk for a moment?
- Oh, yeah.
[LAUGHS] So what do you think?
Yeah, it's it's not
quite what I'm after.
Okay.
Management wants to make a change.
What kind of change?
They want a new director of tennis.
[APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
Wait, what? Am I being fired?
Well, more like demoted.
I've been here for 17 years.
Yes, I think that's part of the issue.
Wait, Michelle, I
I I helped build this club.
There was 200 members
here when I first arrived.
You don't have any other
Palisades listings, do you?
No, no, not this week, so
But I did see you had
a few listings in Palms
for one-bedroom apartments.
- Yeah.
- Mason's taking over.
- Mason?
- Yeah.
The new guy? He's 25 years old.
- 24.
- He is?
Yeah, but his Cardio and
Cocktails, killing it.
Watch it all the way.
- Come on, Amy.
- Oh.
Ooh, missed a shot and take a shot.
- Come on, meet me here.
- That's not tennis.
Okay.
Yeah, but stay-at-home moms love him.
They don't love him. They're drunk.
I'm thinking you're stuck
in the low-end market.
You can't get out,
and your boss gave you
this listing as a favor.
[SIGHS]
Well, you gotta start somewhere, right?
You know I'm gonna be a dad soon, right?
- I have a family too.
- I know you do.
You have a beautiful family.
And that's why Mason's in
and you're moving to red ball.
- Red ball?
- I'm sorry.
- That's for five-year-olds.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
♪
Hey, bad news, no offers on the house.
Oh, fantastic.
I just got fired.
What? Are you serious?
Well, demoted.
- I think the toilet's broken.
- Wait a minute, what happened?
I lost my power base.
All the moms moved over to Mason
- Cardio and Cocktail.
- Mason, that young one?
- That new hot coach over there?
- Okay, take it easy.
- He's not that hot.
- This is bullshit.
After everything you've
done for that place?
Yeah, I'm on commission red ball.
The five-year-olds?
Guys, hey, I need some help, like, now.
Ugh, what?
What the fuck is going on, Tory?
- Oh, oh!
- [SCREAMS]
I don't know what to do!
- What happened?
- I don't know.
- It just started overflowing.
- No!
Oh, no.
Right this way.
I've got quite a treat for you here
our flagship product, the Toto Aquia.
Ooh.
Automatic lid, air dry, heated seat,
bidet, and a unique glazed
throat that eliminates debris.
Oh, that sounds, uh, great,
but do you have any toilets?
I think he it's probably a
little out of our price range.
- It's $4,000.
- Ooh.
Yeah, do you have one that you could
just sit on and go poop?
- Oh, my God.
- Is that available?
- Are you serious?
- What?
Yeah, money's tight.
We're gonna be fine. I have plans.
You'll see.
We're all gonna be living
in a Malibu beach house
in no time, trust me.
Is it the tennis
academy that you've been
talking about for years?
Because I'm pretty sure
that ship has sailed.
No, actually, it's a
tennis podcast, right?
I talk about my time on the tour,
the ups, the downs.
I think people will really like it.
What do you think?
Okay, I don't think
anyone wants to listen
to a podcast about
tennis. I'm sorry, I don't.
But you know what they
do wanna listen to?
Murder.
Not everyone's obsessed
with murder like you.
Yes, they are. These
things sell for millions.
- Millions?
- Yes.
"Root of Evil," "Sisters in Crime."
It's like the fucking gold rush.
So unless you know
someone that got stabbed
on center court Wimbledon,
then maybe you should
forget about tennis.
Forget about tennis?
- Really?
- Not forget.
- You know what I mean.
- Forget about tennis?
You want me to just
forget my whole life?
You think I don't see you sitting
on the toilet watching
old YouTube videos
of the day you beat Federer?
Do you really think that's healthy?
Do you think it's healthy
to spend every night
with a bunch of dead
people? Because I don't.
Uh, maybe I wouldn't
have to if we actually
did something once in a while.
The biggest thing we did
in the last three years
is go buy a toilet that costs 150 bucks.
Okay, so that's what this is about.
Why didn't you just say
that? It's about money.
I'm sorry I didn't get
you the fucking Toto, babe.
It's not about the Toto.
I'm sorry it doesn't spray up your ass.
It's not about the Toto!
So why do you keep
talking about money, then?
I'm not! You brought it up.
You're making it about money.
Money's not the problem.
What happened to us?
We used to be the
cool, fun tennis couple.
We used to support each other.
We were gonna conquer
the world together.
Like, what the fuck happened?
Okay, so what you're
saying is, I'm the problem.
Oh, my God.
I'm the problem 'cause I failed, right?
- You always do this.
- Yeah, yeah, I failed you.
I got hurt.
Then I got my ass fired,
and now I can't get you the mansion
like all your fancy fucking friends.
- Oh.
- You knew who you married.
You know what, I didn't,
because you're not the guy I married.
What did you say?
You're obviously the guy I married.
- That's not what I meant.
- That's what you said.
I know that, but that's not how
it came out wrong. Come
on, please don't do this.
I'm sorry I'm not the guy you married.
[SOFT TENSE MUSIC]
And I'm sorry I got
hurt. I'm really sorry.
- Oh, my God, come on.
- I'm sorry I got fired.
I'm sorry I have no fucking money.
I'm sorry I'm old. I'm
sorry I got no friends.
I'm fucking sorry, okay?
It came out wrong. Babe, I'm sorry.
Babe, please.
♪
Gonna be a big tennis champ?
Gonna impress your daddy?
Gonna impress your wife?
You can't do shit. You can't do it.
You can't fucking do it.
You're gonna fucking
you know, I'm done.
I'm fucking I'm fucking done!
The great American art form
isn't music or film or television.
The great American art form is murder.
We watch it. We celebrate it.
We obsess over it, and we commit it.
What drives someone to
murder another human being?
What kind of person could do that?
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
Hey, I'm Matt, plumber.
- Hi.
- Great.
We need you. Come on in.
Oh, one sec. Sorry.
Never bring dirt into a home.
That's a priority.
Okay, one more second, Yep, almost done.
- Right down this way.
- Great, thanks.
- Down the hall here.
- Hey, is that, uh,
- is that Binghamton?
- Yeah, I grew up near there.
- No way.
- Yeah.
- Me too.
- Really?
Yeah, they had that
great ice cream store.
- Slippy's, oh.
- Oh, my God.
- Best mint chip ever.
- Right?
- Oh.
- Man, small world.
- Can you believe that?
- It's nuts.
You wanna you wanna head back?
Yeah. Well, uh, toilet awaits.
Let's do it, yeah. So it's down here.
It's just it's a gusher.
Hey.
Hot plumber.
I know.
American Standard is a solid unit.
They try to upsell you on the Toto?
- They did, actually.
- They always do.
It's bullshit.
I mean, who needs a toilet
for a status symbol, right?
Yeah, that's exactly what I think.
Yeah?
Hey, can I ask you something?
- Sure.
- I saw that wall out there.
That that was you, right?
I mean, all those tennis trophies.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I won a lot of juniors.
- Yeah, no, I remember you.
- Really?
Yeah, you were gonna be,
like, the next Agassi, right?
That's what they said
until I blew my knee out.
- Ah, that's a bummer.
- Never really made it back.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You know, I play a little.
Nothing like you, just, you know,
I hit with my buddies.
They used to have these great courts
near my apartment in Pomona.
Pomona? You live in
Pomona? That's a drive.
Oh, no, no, no, I used to.
You know, it got too dangerous.
Someone got attacked in my building.
So I took off, came to LA,
you know for the glamour.
You know? You still hit?
I coach over at the Beverly Club.
Oh, wow.
I bet they're glad to have
someone as good as you around.
Yeah, yeah, they're very excited, yeah.
I don't know, if you
ever got time, I'd
I'd love to hit.
Uh, sure, yeah.
I mean, I'd kick the shit out of you.
It would be my honor, you know?
[BOTH LAUGH]
All right, you are
[GROANS] Ready for action.
- Fantastic.
- Hey, guys.
Hi, Matt, can you check one
more thing while you're here?
Uh, yeah, sure.
- What's up?
- Well
wait, is that mold?
Ugh, Stachybotrys.
- Stachy what?
- Oh.
It's a type of mold.
You're gonna have to
rip the whole thing out.
- Oh, my God.
- No, no, no.
- The whole thing?
- Yeah.
- Oh, shit.
- [GROANS]
- Okay. Um
- This is not good.
- We're gonna be fine.
- Mm.
I'm just curious how much
you think that might run us.
Oh, I I mean, it's a big job.
- It's not gonna be cheap.
- Yeah, yeah, I figured that.
We're having a little
cash-flow situation.
Not a big deal. We're gonna be fine.
But I was just thinking, what
would you be up for doing a deal?
How about three months of free
tennis lessons with this guy?
Oh, uh
Twice a week?
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
Elbow up. Head still.
Finish high. Kiss the bicep.
Oh, the student has become the master.
Nice shot.
I guess that makes me
better than Federer, huh?
Okay.
You're gonna have to give me
one of your fancy trophies.
Here we go. There it is.
- Okay.
- Gotta run.
- Oh!
- Try to use your feet.
- [GRUNTS]
- You having fun yet?
[GRUNTING]
All right, all right, I surrender.
You win.
- We could go again.
- No, man.
No, no, no, that was fucking exhausting.
You're so good.
- We'll get you there.
- Ah.
- You got a good forehand.
- Hmm?
- Backhand is shit.
- [LAUGHS]
What's going on there?
They call that Thirsty Thursdays.
This used to be my kingdom.
LA, right?
It's a brutal city, especially when
you're pushing 50. I'm just invisible.
Yeah? Try being a plumber.
[LAUGHS]
- Hey, man, Thirsty Thursday.
- Oh, shit.
Half-price cocktails. What do you say?
Ah, we're good, thanks.
I'm just in the middle
of a lesson right now.
- What's up, brother?
- Hey.
Coach, can I get you for a second?
- Excuse me a second.
- Yeah, fine.
What's up?
Hey.
I just wanted to say, uh,
I had nothing to do with what went down.
Okay, I didn't ask for your position.
- They just, like, gave it to me.
- Yeah.
And I feel really bad about it
because I have been a huge fan of yours.
A long time, coming up,
when I was a little kid,
- you know?
- Yeah, it's fine.
I got Riviera chasing
me, Mulholland chasing me.
Oh, that's great. Fuck yeah.
- Yeah, it's great.
- Okay, cool.
And you know what?
If that doesn't pan out for you,
I've actually been talking to the club
about keeping you on
here as coach emeritus.
[LAUGHS] Coach emeritus?
It's Latin.
It means, like, a respected elder.
Really? Is that what it means?
Yeah.
I thought it might be a nice way
to just kick some cash your way and
I don't need your fucking cash.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Okay.
I hear you, big guy. Um
♪
- All right.
- Anything else?
I'll see you around. It's all good.
♪
- Cheers!
- Love you guys.
I wish I was drinking
that instead of this shit.
So have you gotten to the part
where he swaps the head?
Da, da, da, no spoilers, no spoilers.
That's not a spoiler.
It is a spoiler 'cause you said "he."
So now I know the killer is a he.
Well, of course, the killer is he.
It's not a she. Women do not swap heads.
- That is not something that
- See you guys later.
- We would do.
- Oh, okay.
- Hey.
- Tori, Tori.
- Okay, hello.
- Does someone have a date?
- No, nobody goes on a date.
It's like a Tinder fuck fest.
- That's true.
- No, don't say that.
Listen, I had a friend
go on a Tinder date.
Everything was going great.
They watched "The Notebook"
until he tied her up
- and pooped in her mouth.
- Was it consensual?
- That's crazy.
- No, you're right.
I should just stay here and get drunk
and talk about heads being cut off.
Okay, what do you even
know about this guy, though?
Seriously, don't you wanna meet someone,
like, responsible and and
No, no, I prefer the fuck-ups.
They're way more fun. One more thing.
Should I use protection,
or should he just pull out?
You know, if I end up on "Dateline,"
I can leave a massive
DNA trail for you weirdos.
Yes! Get that DNA!
The more, the better, honestly.
Save it, bring it home.
- You're always thinking ahead.
- I like that.
All right, you guys don't get too crazy.
- Okay, do it for us, girl.
- Brilliant.
[SIGHS] To be young and hot and young.
She's right, you guys.
Look at us, always sitting around,
drinking wine, talking
about vicious murders.
Like, what is wrong with us?
So after he swapped the heads?
- Yes.
- Right.
- Oh!
- Oh, shit.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Why are you so fucking good at darts?
Oh, man, you know, I spent
a lot of tequila time here
when my marriage was going under.
Ah, fuck. I jinxed myself.
You guys didn't make it?
You know what? We tried.
I mean, we went to
therapy, went to Fiji.
Had a baby.
You had a baby to save your marriage?
Shit.
You're the last guy I
should be hanging out with.
Oh, no, dude, I mean, you
know, sorry, it's just
I'm just being real.
People do crazy shit in a bad marriage.
The lesson is, I should
have just let it die.
I would totally date a guy in prison.
- No, you would not.
- I would.
Explain, explain.
Like, they're always excited to see you.
You always know where they are.
- Mm.
- Oh, yes.
They can't check out
their exes on Insta.
- Mm.
- No wet spot.
Ooh, that one, yep.
Okay, when you put it like this,
it actually sounds kind of perfect.
I know. [LAUGHTER]
I don't know, I feel like affairs
are, like, a lot of work.
Like, you gotta delete texts.
You've gotta get rid of your phone,
your laptop, the evidence
that leads to them.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, okay, so it sounds
like someone you
has put a lot of thought into that.
- No, I haven't.
- What are you up to?
I'm having an affair.
[CLEARS THROAT]
- I'm sorry, what?
- You called it.
For, like, six months now.
- Oh, my God, does Simon know?
- Well, that's the thing.
He's having one, too, with Val.
- Your bikini waxer?
- [LAUGHS] Yeah.
Okay, do you and Simon,
like, talk about it?
- No, we don't talk about it.
- Ew.
- That's weird.
- We're not fucking weirdos.
No, we just have quiet,
desperate affairs,
right, like normal people.
Okay, but, babe, that is not normal.
Like, right, guys? I mean [LAUGHS]
What?
All three of you are having affairs?
On and off.
I'm just saying, you just
you gotta keep the
marriage alive somehow.
- Mm-hmm.
- Am I right?
- Yes.
- Am I right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
Fuck you.
- Oh, fuck you.
- Yeah.
Next round's on you, buddy.
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can I get two tequila shots, please?
Yeah.
It's a busy night, huh?
It's really really rocking in here.
Yeah, busy is good.
It makes time pass quicker.
You don't like hanging out
with a bunch of drunk guys?
[LAUGHS] Depends on the guy.
[TENSE MUSIC]
That's 17.
Thanks.
Okay, yeah, I got that right here.
That's for you, and you
can just keep the rest.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
Here we go.
Hey, the bartender is into you.
Oh, bullshit.
I'm the freaking bartender's dad.
Told ya.
- [SPEAKING SPANISH]
- They swap murders.
Swimming in a circular
Still no leads in the
case of the serial killer
terrorizing Los Angeles,
the Westside Ripper,
who has claimed six lives so far,
leaving residents in a state of terror.
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
And now an update on a
case that has gripped
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
[TENSE MUSIC]
What uh
- This belong to you?
- What is what happened?
Like five too many tequila shots, maybe.
Oh, God, babe.
Yeah, where where do you want him?
- Here.
- Yeah.
Here, put him
just, like, lay him or something.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Okay.
Thank you for getting him home.
No problem. He's one of the good guys.
I mean, so are you.
Oh, my God, thank you.
All right, you sleep that off, buddy.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Bye.
Babe?
- Hey.
- Hi.
What are you doing here?
Oh, I live here.
Matt just dropped you off.
I like that guy.
Yeah, me too. He's super nice.
We're both invisible.
What?
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
Babe?
[SNORING]
♪
What's gonna happen to us?
[TENSE MUSIC]
[QUIRKY ACOUSTIC MUSIC]
♪
You know, someone once
told me to never trust
a plumber with no ass crack.
Yeah, well, I'm just over here
trying to break a stereotype.
Mm, that's disappointing,
but I respect it.
Sorry.
What, are you headed back to school?
Yeah, today, actually.
Gotta cram for my midterms.
- Yeah? What do you study?
- I'm pre-law.
- Really?
- Wow, don't act so surprised.
Don't I look like a lawyer?
Uh [CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHS]
- Hey, can I ask you something?
- Yeah, sure.
You've been spending a
lot of time with Nathan.
- Is he doing okay?
- Ah, he's gonna be fine.
[PHONE BUZZES]
Oh, speak of the devil.
All right, I'm gonna head home.
- We're throwing tonight.
- Darts again?
You wanna come and drive back tomorrow?
No, no, I don't wanna get in the way
of this beautiful
blossoming bromance, so
Yeah.
Well, uh
You crush those midterms.
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
♪
- Oh!
- Very nice.
I'm gonna pee.
♪
- Oh.
- Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
- Uh.
- Oh, hey.
I'm sorry, sir. That was my fault.
No, no, we we met the other night.
We were I came up to
the bar to get a shot.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, I remember.
Um, well, see you.
See you.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
I told you it would go well.
Second date Friday!
[TRAINER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[SCREAMING]
♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Nate?
Nate?
[SIGHS] Okay.
[GROANS]
And who's this bitch?
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Ugh.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Unbelie oh, you're dead.
I'm so sorry. Okay.
Last night?
I'm here at the scene
of the brutal slaying
of Chloe Lake, a 28-year-old bartender,
in an apartment building
in Venice overnight.
Police believe she is the seventh victim
of the serial killer known
as the Westside Ripper.
The Westside Ripper.
Hey.
I just got bitched
out by a six-year-old.
What time did you get home last night?
Well, you were asleep and
I didn't wanna wake you.
What time did you get in?
What's with all the questions?
You were looking at my laptop?
Who is she and what
the hell is going on?
That is the craziest story.
- You won't believe it.
- Try me.
Okay, well, I'm out with
Matt last night at the bar.
I go to get drinks, and, boom,
that girl comes out of the bathroom.
She bumps into me I
mean, full-on hip checks me.
I say sorry. She says sorry.
I don't think anything of
it. She takes off, gone.
This morning, I check out the news.
I find out she was murdered last night.
So this girl was with you at the bar
last night before she was killed?
No, no, she wasn't with me.
She bumped into me, and now she's dead.
It's unbelievable.
Okay, so you
then you googled her
because she was murdered?
Yeah, I mean, it's weird.
It just freaked me out.
♪
They think it was the Westside Ripper.
Really?
I mean, maybe he was
at the bar last night.
Maybe you even saw him.
Did anyone look suspicious?
There was one guy she was with.
It looked like a date.
Okay, no, that wouldn't be him.
How do you know?
No serial killer is gonna
take someone out in public
and then kill them after.
That's not the Ripper's style.
Trust me, I know my serial killers.
And this one is still out there.
♪
I can't believe that Nathan
knew the girl that got killed.
Oh, no, no, no, he didn't know-know her.
He just accidentally bumped into her.
But, still, that is, like, so creepy.
It's not that creepy.
It just was a thing that, you know
And it wasn't just,
like, a regular killer.
I mean, this is the big kahuna.
- This is the Westside Ripper.
- Yeah, I know who
And I bet you anything the cops
are gonna wanna interview him.
- Uh, the excuse me, sir.
- Okay, I'm
[PHONE CHIMES]
Thank you.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
There's been a potential breakthrough
in the recent Westside Ripper murder
of 28-year-old Chloe Lake.
Kelly Monroe has more at the scene.
Thank you, Lynette.
Police sources here have revealed
that the killer left something
behind in this alley
♪
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Ava, where are you
Oh, my God.
Hey, Google, call Nathan's cell.
Call Nathan's cell.
Pick up, pick up, pick up!
[PHONE BUZZING]
Come on!
♪
- Hey, brother.
- Hey.
- How's it looking?
- Yeah, pretty good.
I got the craziest story
for you from the other night.
♪
You're not gonna believe it.
- So I come out
- Nate.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
Can you help me with something
in the bedroom real quick?
- Yeah, sure, one sec.
- No, now, actually.
I just need you super fast. Hey, Matt.
- Hey.
- Just
[WHISPERING] Come here.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What's going on?
- Yeah.
Jesus, what is it? Are you okay?
I need you to stay calm
so I can show you something real quick.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- Kelly Monroe has more.
- I love Kelly Monroe.
- It's not about her.
- Thanks, Lynette.
Police sources here have revealed
that the killer left something
behind in this alley
a blood-soaked blue bootie
- Yeah.
- There it is.
Worn over shoes by a variety
of home-service providers.
LAPD forensics is working on
Yeah.
♪
That doesn't
I mean, what are you saying?
Did Matt notice the girl
at the bar the other night?
- What girl?
- The
the DB, the dead body,
the girl that was murdered.
He left right after she did.
Oh, my God, he followed her. Holy shit.
Oh, my God, okay, okay.
Matt showed up this morning
with scratches all over his arms.
- What?
- Yes, yes, big, red, angry, new scratches, okay?
And he said his cat did it.
- I don't think he has a cat.
- Mm.
I'm telling you, it's Matt.
Matt is the Westside
Ripper. I know my killers.
It is him, and he is right there.
But he can't be. It can't be.
Okay, do you wanna
do you wanna just go in and ask him?
Because he has the same
blue booties as the killer.
He followed the girl out of the bar,
and an hour later, she
was stabbed 37 times,
and then he waltzes in this morning
with don't-kill-me scratches on his arms
- from his imaginary cat.
- Okay.
What more do you want?
I've hung out with him a dozen times.
- Mm.
- He's just a normal guy.
Okay, do you think Ted
Bundy wore a T-shirt
- "I fuck corpses"?
- I beg you.
You gotta stop listening
to these podcasts, please.
- What do you guys talk about?
How well do you know him?
What's what's going on with
your little friend over there?
- What do you mean?
We talk all the time.
- What do you talk about?
- Just normal stuff, guy stuff.
Like what? What?
Well, he told me he's got a kid.
Dating in LA, you know, it sucks.
- He used to live in Pomona.
- Pomona.
Okay, what'd he say
about that? Anything?
What? What? What?
He said he moved to Los Angeles
because someone got attacked
in his apartment building.
Shut up. Are you serious?
Attacked in his building in Pomona?
That's what he said.
Oh, my God, please. Okay, what else?
What else? When was that?
I mean, I think it was,
like, two years ago.
Two years ago, okay.
Hey, Google, search unsolved murders
Pomona apartment building 2021. Okay.
24 murders?
What the fuck is up with Pomona?
Wait, we gotta narrow down
our suspects here, let's see.
Unsolved murder of
82-year-old Sharon Simpson.
That's that's not a thing.
He murders really young,
hot brunettes like
like this one.
Murder in apartment
building, 242 Park Street.
Police found the victim,
Nicole Gibson, stabbed.
That is the girl from Pomona.
- Okay, type in the address.
- That is just
- Do bird's eye
- Okay.
- 'Cause he said that
- Oh, gosh.
His apartment building was
next to some tennis courts.
Okay, bird's eye.
- Yeah.
- Tennis courts.
You mean those tennis
courts? Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.
- It is him. I knew it.
- Lower your voice.
He killed this girl in
Pomona, and now he's here.
He's the Westside fucking Ripper.
I guess he didn't find me
attractive enough to kill,
- but whatever.
- Oh, really?
- Really?
- I'm just saying.
I'm sure there'll be
other serial killers
that find you hot enough to kill.
I'm just saying.
Why would he just mention Pomona?
He just volunteered it.
Because he's getting off on it.
He is gloating. This is what they do.
I know these guys.
BTK, Zodiac, they love to secretly boast
that no one can actually catch them.
Think about it. Think about it.
To the outside world, Matt
is just the toilet guy,
but deep inside, he has a secret
a huge, powerful secret.
I mean, can you imagine if they knew
- he was the Westside Ripper?
- Hey, guys?
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, sorry, I'm just headed out, but, um,
what did you want to tell me back there?
Hmm?
♪
- What was it I was gonna
- Mm.
Yeah, back there.
- I
- Before?
- When we were back there?
- Yeah.
Hmm. What did you
I have you know, it's crazy.
I have no idea.
- Oh, my God, babe.
- No idea?
He does this all the time now.
I'm worried.
Oh, no, we'll get it worked on.
- Call the doctor for you.
- Yeah.
You'll get old like this guy.
Well, listen, in that case,
I got some bad news.
Mm-hmm.
♪
The last hot water pipe, it's leaking.
- Oh.
- Look, I tried to patch it.
[COUGHS]
We're gonna have to change
it out. I just didn't wanna
- Oh, my God.
- Sure.
You guys to curse me
when I'm gone, you know?
- You?
- We would
We would
You're the last person we would curse.
Never.
Okay, well, you know, I'll
I'll pick one up,
bring it back tomorrow.
- Yeah.
- All right?
You know, it's gonna cost
you a few more lessons.
Absolutely.
And just just call
me if you wanna throw.
- Sure.
- Yeah?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- Is he going?
- He's walking.
- He's leaving.
- Okay.
- He's leaving. He's leaving.
- Just keep an eye on him.
I'll call 911, get a
SWAT team on his ass.
[LINE TRILLING]
♪
What the hell are you doing?
Let's think this through.
Think this what the
fu what does that mean?
We have a fucking serial
killer in our house.
He could come back any second.
I know, I know, but someone
is gonna jump on this, okay?
You can call 911.
And, sure, he's gonna get arrested.
There'll be a trial.
Someone will write a book
about this, guaranteed.
This isn't one of your podcasts.
But it is.
It is exactly like one of my podcasts,
except it's happening to us.
What if we do it?
What if-what if we make a
podcast about this together,
you and me? We we own this story.
You're out of your fucking mind.
No, think about it.
We could bring him in on it.
Bring the killer in on what?
The podcast. We force him to do it.
Oh, my God, this has
never been done before.
Yeah, you know why? Because
he'd fucking kill us.
No, no, he will not kill us,
because that's the beauty of it.
We will stop him from killing.
We will say, "Sir, no more
killing or we go to the cops."
No one ever gets hurt ever again,
and that's because of us.
Okay, so we force him to do a podcast,
"My Plumber, The Serial Killer."
And then, after a few months,
we secretly turn him over
to the cops when we're done.
Exactly, yes, except we call it
"A Murderer Speaks."
No, no, no, no, we call it
"The Westside Ripper Speaks."
Whatever, something like that.
I mean, we're gonna brand it.
Oh, my God, this is gonna go viral.
And we'll make him answer.
You know, why does he do
it? How? Why doesn't he quit?
Everything, straight from the mouth
of a serial killer
who's still out there.
Oh, my God, we'll disguise his voice.
People are gonna go nuts.
This is gonna change our lives!
You really think the Westside
Ripper is gonna do this?
Okay, either he does a
podcast or he goes to prison
for the rest of his life.
What would you choose?
- What would I do?
- Yeah.
Look, you can you can call 911,
but how are you gonna feel?
How are you gonna feel
when the girl from "Serial"
shows up, or "Crime Junkie,"
or "Sisters in Crime"?
And then it's their story.
It's not ours anymore.
Sure, they'll interview us.
We'll have our little five minutes,
but that'll be it, and
then, you, me, and this baby
are gonna have to go live
in a one-bedroom apartment
because we can't afford the mortgage.
You're gonna go back to red ball.
I'll go back to sitting
in an empty open house,
you know, hustling for 3%
while I'm sitting there having
sexual fantasies about my buyers.
Wait, you what?
I don't I don't know why I said that.
I'm pregnant and saying crazy shit.
I mean
You have sexual fantasies
about your buyers?
Okay, babe, do you know we're
the only couple stupid enough
not to be having affairs?
Is that true?
Listen, let's do this,
you and me together, please.
We are good people, okay?
We have played by the rules
and look where it got us.
But now, finally
finally, some good luck.
A serial killer has
fallen into our laps.
That's good luck?
Yes, God put him in our
kitchen for a reason.
We should be thanking
God that that fucker
hasn't killed us, not for bringing him
- into our lives.
- Come on, please.
No.
No.
[PHONE BUZZING]
- 911 is calling me.
- Answer it, tell them.
[PHONE BUZZING]
Someone called 911 from this number.
Is there an emergency?
[QUEEN AND DAVID
BOWIE'S "UNDER PRESSURE"]
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
Hello? Is everything okay?
Is there an emergency?
Hello? Is everything okay?
[VOCALIZING]
♪
Pressure pushing down on me ♪
Pressing down on you ♪
No man ask for ♪
Under pressure ♪
That burns a building down ♪
Splits a family in two ♪
Puts people on streets ♪
[VOCALIZING]
♪
That's okay ♪
It's the terror of knowing
what this world is about ♪
Watching some good friends
screaming let me out ♪
Pray tomorrow gets me higher ♪
Pressure on people,
people on streets ♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
♪
Man, great spot.
Right?
- You good?
- Oh, yeah.
- You?
- Yeah.
All right, show me what you got.
How'd you find this place?
I didn't really ask you
to go out here to surf.
Oh, yeah?
What what are we doing here?
I wanted you to see
that no one was around.
Uh.
No one's watching. No one's listening.
- All right.
- It's just us.
I'm not wearing a wire.
You can pat me down.
[CHUCKLES] Check you for
why would I wanna do that?
I know who you are.
Who I am?
A serial killer.
The Westside Ripper.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
[LAUGHS] All right, this is a
this is a joke, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna turn you in.
I have a proposition for you.
♪
BOTH: Nice shot, Dad!
So how'd it go?
He was actually kind of nice.
See, I told you it would go well.
Second date Friday!
Ah, that's why you're
working out at 11:00 at night.
Um, okay, talk tomorrow.
- Okay, I love you.
- Love you.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Okay.
What's up? What's up, guys?
Welcome back to Exoglass Studios.
It's your girl, Roxie, and I'm here
with your 30-minute hip workout.
But that's enough talking.
Let's get right into it
with some jumping jacks.
Here we go. And one, two.
Get those arms all the way up overhead.
[MUFFLED THUDDING]
You got this. We're
just getting started.
And three. Right into butt kicks.
Two. Last one.
Butt kick.
I'm bringing my heels
all the way to my booty.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
You're doing great.
Go ahead and add in those arms.
Good. Squat nice and low.
Kill those squats.
Hold it here and pulse.
Four, three, we're going into fasties,
two, almost there.
[SCREAMING]
♪
Four, three, two, one more, and release.
Come on, I know it's
hurting, but it hurts so good.
Whew, you are gonna
feel that in the morning.
And we're not done yet.
Now, let's run it out.
Hustle, hustle, hustle.
♪
[TENNIS BALL THUMPING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
And Nathan Bartlett steps up to serve.
It's match point for the
biggest win of his career.
Let's see if he's got
the eye of the tiger.
Forehand down the line. Winner!
Nathan Bartlett takes out
world number one Roger Federer 6-4, 6-2.
Little slow there, Roger.
What a gutsy, never-say-die win.
Could Bartlett be America's
next top ten player?
Based on the patterns we discovered,
we fear the Westside Ripper
will strike again soon.
Do we have to wake up
to murder every morning?
They're talking about that serial killer
that's basically in our back yard.
It is so exciting.
Shouldn't we be playing
"Baby Mozart" or something?
[TIMER CHIMES]
The signs are up. The flyers are out.
I'm baking cookies like
a fucking Keebler elf.
- This house is gonna move fast.
- It better.
The sellers are losing their patience.
All right, I got this, Paul.
- Ow, shit, that's hot.
- Obviously.
I just took them out.
Are those are my pants?
Well, it's not like you're
gonna be wearing them anymore.
- Ugh.
- Love you.
- Morning.
- Morning.
The cookies are awesome.
I used to have an ass like that.
You still have an ass like that.
And my sister is having so much more sex
- than I ever did.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Speak for yourself.
- Oh, excuse me?
- I did really good.
Don't forget the pizza.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I found both victims
lying beside each other.
The killer had dismembered the bodies.
Detective Hardwick of the
Chicago Homicide Division
was the first to arrive
at the horrific scene.
He cut off the arms,
the hands, the legs,
the heads, everything.
Then he put the bodies back together,
except for one small detail.
He swapped the heads.
- Hey, excuse me.
- Hi.
Has the open house started yet?
Uh, uh, yeah, yeah, of course.
I'm Ava. You can go and head in.
I'll be right behind you.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay. Wow.
Edgeless pool and spa, facing south,
so you know you get the sun all day.
Huge barbecue area.
I mean, it's your own private resort
back here, right?
So you've got the one bedroom
downstairs and four upstairs.
It's about 5,000 square feet.
Have you been doing this long?
- Real estate?
- Mm-hmm.
Like five years.
Do you enjoy it?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do.
Actually, I mean, when you
meet a couple that, you know,
finds their dream house, a place where
they wanna raise their family,
it's a really sweet moment.
[MOANING]
[SIOUXSIE AND THE
BANSHEES' "THE PASSENGER"]
- Love the view.
- Hmm?
- The view?
- Mm.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's a g
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
♪
I am the passenger ♪
And I ride and I ride ♪
♪
I ride through the city's backsides ♪
What's up, Jim? Ladies, good morning.
Tess, you gotta turn
your shoulders more.
- There it is.
- Thanks, Coach.
- Hi.
- Oh, hey.
You gotta try the yellowtail.
Herb's new menu is amazing.
- Can we talk for a moment?
- Oh, yeah.
[LAUGHS] So what do you think?
Yeah, it's it's not
quite what I'm after.
Okay.
Management wants to make a change.
What kind of change?
They want a new director of tennis.
[APPREHENSIVE MUSIC]
Wait, what? Am I being fired?
Well, more like demoted.
I've been here for 17 years.
Yes, I think that's part of the issue.
Wait, Michelle, I
I I helped build this club.
There was 200 members
here when I first arrived.
You don't have any other
Palisades listings, do you?
No, no, not this week, so
But I did see you had
a few listings in Palms
for one-bedroom apartments.
- Yeah.
- Mason's taking over.
- Mason?
- Yeah.
The new guy? He's 25 years old.
- 24.
- He is?
Yeah, but his Cardio and
Cocktails, killing it.
Watch it all the way.
- Come on, Amy.
- Oh.
Ooh, missed a shot and take a shot.
- Come on, meet me here.
- That's not tennis.
Okay.
Yeah, but stay-at-home moms love him.
They don't love him. They're drunk.
I'm thinking you're stuck
in the low-end market.
You can't get out,
and your boss gave you
this listing as a favor.
[SIGHS]
Well, you gotta start somewhere, right?
You know I'm gonna be a dad soon, right?
- I have a family too.
- I know you do.
You have a beautiful family.
And that's why Mason's in
and you're moving to red ball.
- Red ball?
- I'm sorry.
- That's for five-year-olds.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
♪
Hey, bad news, no offers on the house.
Oh, fantastic.
I just got fired.
What? Are you serious?
Well, demoted.
- I think the toilet's broken.
- Wait a minute, what happened?
I lost my power base.
All the moms moved over to Mason
- Cardio and Cocktail.
- Mason, that young one?
- That new hot coach over there?
- Okay, take it easy.
- He's not that hot.
- This is bullshit.
After everything you've
done for that place?
Yeah, I'm on commission red ball.
The five-year-olds?
Guys, hey, I need some help, like, now.
Ugh, what?
What the fuck is going on, Tory?
- Oh, oh!
- [SCREAMS]
I don't know what to do!
- What happened?
- I don't know.
- It just started overflowing.
- No!
Oh, no.
Right this way.
I've got quite a treat for you here
our flagship product, the Toto Aquia.
Ooh.
Automatic lid, air dry, heated seat,
bidet, and a unique glazed
throat that eliminates debris.
Oh, that sounds, uh, great,
but do you have any toilets?
I think he it's probably a
little out of our price range.
- It's $4,000.
- Ooh.
Yeah, do you have one that you could
just sit on and go poop?
- Oh, my God.
- Is that available?
- Are you serious?
- What?
Yeah, money's tight.
We're gonna be fine. I have plans.
You'll see.
We're all gonna be living
in a Malibu beach house
in no time, trust me.
Is it the tennis
academy that you've been
talking about for years?
Because I'm pretty sure
that ship has sailed.
No, actually, it's a
tennis podcast, right?
I talk about my time on the tour,
the ups, the downs.
I think people will really like it.
What do you think?
Okay, I don't think
anyone wants to listen
to a podcast about
tennis. I'm sorry, I don't.
But you know what they
do wanna listen to?
Murder.
Not everyone's obsessed
with murder like you.
Yes, they are. These
things sell for millions.
- Millions?
- Yes.
"Root of Evil," "Sisters in Crime."
It's like the fucking gold rush.
So unless you know
someone that got stabbed
on center court Wimbledon,
then maybe you should
forget about tennis.
Forget about tennis?
- Really?
- Not forget.
- You know what I mean.
- Forget about tennis?
You want me to just
forget my whole life?
You think I don't see you sitting
on the toilet watching
old YouTube videos
of the day you beat Federer?
Do you really think that's healthy?
Do you think it's healthy
to spend every night
with a bunch of dead
people? Because I don't.
Uh, maybe I wouldn't
have to if we actually
did something once in a while.
The biggest thing we did
in the last three years
is go buy a toilet that costs 150 bucks.
Okay, so that's what this is about.
Why didn't you just say
that? It's about money.
I'm sorry I didn't get
you the fucking Toto, babe.
It's not about the Toto.
I'm sorry it doesn't spray up your ass.
It's not about the Toto!
So why do you keep
talking about money, then?
I'm not! You brought it up.
You're making it about money.
Money's not the problem.
What happened to us?
We used to be the
cool, fun tennis couple.
We used to support each other.
We were gonna conquer
the world together.
Like, what the fuck happened?
Okay, so what you're
saying is, I'm the problem.
Oh, my God.
I'm the problem 'cause I failed, right?
- You always do this.
- Yeah, yeah, I failed you.
I got hurt.
Then I got my ass fired,
and now I can't get you the mansion
like all your fancy fucking friends.
- Oh.
- You knew who you married.
You know what, I didn't,
because you're not the guy I married.
What did you say?
You're obviously the guy I married.
- That's not what I meant.
- That's what you said.
I know that, but that's not how
it came out wrong. Come
on, please don't do this.
I'm sorry I'm not the guy you married.
[SOFT TENSE MUSIC]
And I'm sorry I got
hurt. I'm really sorry.
- Oh, my God, come on.
- I'm sorry I got fired.
I'm sorry I have no fucking money.
I'm sorry I'm old. I'm
sorry I got no friends.
I'm fucking sorry, okay?
It came out wrong. Babe, I'm sorry.
Babe, please.
♪
Gonna be a big tennis champ?
Gonna impress your daddy?
Gonna impress your wife?
You can't do shit. You can't do it.
You can't fucking do it.
You're gonna fucking
you know, I'm done.
I'm fucking I'm fucking done!
The great American art form
isn't music or film or television.
The great American art form is murder.
We watch it. We celebrate it.
We obsess over it, and we commit it.
What drives someone to
murder another human being?
What kind of person could do that?
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
Hey, I'm Matt, plumber.
- Hi.
- Great.
We need you. Come on in.
Oh, one sec. Sorry.
Never bring dirt into a home.
That's a priority.
Okay, one more second, Yep, almost done.
- Right down this way.
- Great, thanks.
- Down the hall here.
- Hey, is that, uh,
- is that Binghamton?
- Yeah, I grew up near there.
- No way.
- Yeah.
- Me too.
- Really?
Yeah, they had that
great ice cream store.
- Slippy's, oh.
- Oh, my God.
- Best mint chip ever.
- Right?
- Oh.
- Man, small world.
- Can you believe that?
- It's nuts.
You wanna you wanna head back?
Yeah. Well, uh, toilet awaits.
Let's do it, yeah. So it's down here.
It's just it's a gusher.
Hey.
Hot plumber.
I know.
American Standard is a solid unit.
They try to upsell you on the Toto?
- They did, actually.
- They always do.
It's bullshit.
I mean, who needs a toilet
for a status symbol, right?
Yeah, that's exactly what I think.
Yeah?
Hey, can I ask you something?
- Sure.
- I saw that wall out there.
That that was you, right?
I mean, all those tennis trophies.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I won a lot of juniors.
- Yeah, no, I remember you.
- Really?
Yeah, you were gonna be,
like, the next Agassi, right?
That's what they said
until I blew my knee out.
- Ah, that's a bummer.
- Never really made it back.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You know, I play a little.
Nothing like you, just, you know,
I hit with my buddies.
They used to have these great courts
near my apartment in Pomona.
Pomona? You live in
Pomona? That's a drive.
Oh, no, no, no, I used to.
You know, it got too dangerous.
Someone got attacked in my building.
So I took off, came to LA,
you know for the glamour.
You know? You still hit?
I coach over at the Beverly Club.
Oh, wow.
I bet they're glad to have
someone as good as you around.
Yeah, yeah, they're very excited, yeah.
I don't know, if you
ever got time, I'd
I'd love to hit.
Uh, sure, yeah.
I mean, I'd kick the shit out of you.
It would be my honor, you know?
[BOTH LAUGH]
All right, you are
[GROANS] Ready for action.
- Fantastic.
- Hey, guys.
Hi, Matt, can you check one
more thing while you're here?
Uh, yeah, sure.
- What's up?
- Well
wait, is that mold?
Ugh, Stachybotrys.
- Stachy what?
- Oh.
It's a type of mold.
You're gonna have to
rip the whole thing out.
- Oh, my God.
- No, no, no.
- The whole thing?
- Yeah.
- Oh, shit.
- [GROANS]
- Okay. Um
- This is not good.
- We're gonna be fine.
- Mm.
I'm just curious how much
you think that might run us.
Oh, I I mean, it's a big job.
- It's not gonna be cheap.
- Yeah, yeah, I figured that.
We're having a little
cash-flow situation.
Not a big deal. We're gonna be fine.
But I was just thinking, what
would you be up for doing a deal?
How about three months of free
tennis lessons with this guy?
Oh, uh
Twice a week?
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
Elbow up. Head still.
Finish high. Kiss the bicep.
Oh, the student has become the master.
Nice shot.
I guess that makes me
better than Federer, huh?
Okay.
You're gonna have to give me
one of your fancy trophies.
Here we go. There it is.
- Okay.
- Gotta run.
- Oh!
- Try to use your feet.
- [GRUNTS]
- You having fun yet?
[GRUNTING]
All right, all right, I surrender.
You win.
- We could go again.
- No, man.
No, no, no, that was fucking exhausting.
You're so good.
- We'll get you there.
- Ah.
- You got a good forehand.
- Hmm?
- Backhand is shit.
- [LAUGHS]
What's going on there?
They call that Thirsty Thursdays.
This used to be my kingdom.
LA, right?
It's a brutal city, especially when
you're pushing 50. I'm just invisible.
Yeah? Try being a plumber.
[LAUGHS]
- Hey, man, Thirsty Thursday.
- Oh, shit.
Half-price cocktails. What do you say?
Ah, we're good, thanks.
I'm just in the middle
of a lesson right now.
- What's up, brother?
- Hey.
Coach, can I get you for a second?
- Excuse me a second.
- Yeah, fine.
What's up?
Hey.
I just wanted to say, uh,
I had nothing to do with what went down.
Okay, I didn't ask for your position.
- They just, like, gave it to me.
- Yeah.
And I feel really bad about it
because I have been a huge fan of yours.
A long time, coming up,
when I was a little kid,
- you know?
- Yeah, it's fine.
I got Riviera chasing
me, Mulholland chasing me.
Oh, that's great. Fuck yeah.
- Yeah, it's great.
- Okay, cool.
And you know what?
If that doesn't pan out for you,
I've actually been talking to the club
about keeping you on
here as coach emeritus.
[LAUGHS] Coach emeritus?
It's Latin.
It means, like, a respected elder.
Really? Is that what it means?
Yeah.
I thought it might be a nice way
to just kick some cash your way and
I don't need your fucking cash.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Okay.
I hear you, big guy. Um
♪
- All right.
- Anything else?
I'll see you around. It's all good.
♪
- Cheers!
- Love you guys.
I wish I was drinking
that instead of this shit.
So have you gotten to the part
where he swaps the head?
Da, da, da, no spoilers, no spoilers.
That's not a spoiler.
It is a spoiler 'cause you said "he."
So now I know the killer is a he.
Well, of course, the killer is he.
It's not a she. Women do not swap heads.
- That is not something that
- See you guys later.
- We would do.
- Oh, okay.
- Hey.
- Tori, Tori.
- Okay, hello.
- Does someone have a date?
- No, nobody goes on a date.
It's like a Tinder fuck fest.
- That's true.
- No, don't say that.
Listen, I had a friend
go on a Tinder date.
Everything was going great.
They watched "The Notebook"
until he tied her up
- and pooped in her mouth.
- Was it consensual?
- That's crazy.
- No, you're right.
I should just stay here and get drunk
and talk about heads being cut off.
Okay, what do you even
know about this guy, though?
Seriously, don't you wanna meet someone,
like, responsible and and
No, no, I prefer the fuck-ups.
They're way more fun. One more thing.
Should I use protection,
or should he just pull out?
You know, if I end up on "Dateline,"
I can leave a massive
DNA trail for you weirdos.
Yes! Get that DNA!
The more, the better, honestly.
Save it, bring it home.
- You're always thinking ahead.
- I like that.
All right, you guys don't get too crazy.
- Okay, do it for us, girl.
- Brilliant.
[SIGHS] To be young and hot and young.
She's right, you guys.
Look at us, always sitting around,
drinking wine, talking
about vicious murders.
Like, what is wrong with us?
So after he swapped the heads?
- Yes.
- Right.
- Oh!
- Oh, shit.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Why are you so fucking good at darts?
Oh, man, you know, I spent
a lot of tequila time here
when my marriage was going under.
Ah, fuck. I jinxed myself.
You guys didn't make it?
You know what? We tried.
I mean, we went to
therapy, went to Fiji.
Had a baby.
You had a baby to save your marriage?
Shit.
You're the last guy I
should be hanging out with.
Oh, no, dude, I mean, you
know, sorry, it's just
I'm just being real.
People do crazy shit in a bad marriage.
The lesson is, I should
have just let it die.
I would totally date a guy in prison.
- No, you would not.
- I would.
Explain, explain.
Like, they're always excited to see you.
You always know where they are.
- Mm.
- Oh, yes.
They can't check out
their exes on Insta.
- Mm.
- No wet spot.
Ooh, that one, yep.
Okay, when you put it like this,
it actually sounds kind of perfect.
I know. [LAUGHTER]
I don't know, I feel like affairs
are, like, a lot of work.
Like, you gotta delete texts.
You've gotta get rid of your phone,
your laptop, the evidence
that leads to them.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, okay, so it sounds
like someone you
has put a lot of thought into that.
- No, I haven't.
- What are you up to?
I'm having an affair.
[CLEARS THROAT]
- I'm sorry, what?
- You called it.
For, like, six months now.
- Oh, my God, does Simon know?
- Well, that's the thing.
He's having one, too, with Val.
- Your bikini waxer?
- [LAUGHS] Yeah.
Okay, do you and Simon,
like, talk about it?
- No, we don't talk about it.
- Ew.
- That's weird.
- We're not fucking weirdos.
No, we just have quiet,
desperate affairs,
right, like normal people.
Okay, but, babe, that is not normal.
Like, right, guys? I mean [LAUGHS]
What?
All three of you are having affairs?
On and off.
I'm just saying, you just
you gotta keep the
marriage alive somehow.
- Mm-hmm.
- Am I right?
- Yes.
- Am I right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
Fuck you.
- Oh, fuck you.
- Yeah.
Next round's on you, buddy.
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can I get two tequila shots, please?
Yeah.
It's a busy night, huh?
It's really really rocking in here.
Yeah, busy is good.
It makes time pass quicker.
You don't like hanging out
with a bunch of drunk guys?
[LAUGHS] Depends on the guy.
[TENSE MUSIC]
That's 17.
Thanks.
Okay, yeah, I got that right here.
That's for you, and you
can just keep the rest.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
Here we go.
Hey, the bartender is into you.
Oh, bullshit.
I'm the freaking bartender's dad.
Told ya.
- [SPEAKING SPANISH]
- They swap murders.
Swimming in a circular
Still no leads in the
case of the serial killer
terrorizing Los Angeles,
the Westside Ripper,
who has claimed six lives so far,
leaving residents in a state of terror.
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
And now an update on a
case that has gripped
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
[TENSE MUSIC]
What uh
- This belong to you?
- What is what happened?
Like five too many tequila shots, maybe.
Oh, God, babe.
Yeah, where where do you want him?
- Here.
- Yeah.
Here, put him
just, like, lay him or something.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Okay.
Thank you for getting him home.
No problem. He's one of the good guys.
I mean, so are you.
Oh, my God, thank you.
All right, you sleep that off, buddy.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Bye.
Babe?
- Hey.
- Hi.
What are you doing here?
Oh, I live here.
Matt just dropped you off.
I like that guy.
Yeah, me too. He's super nice.
We're both invisible.
What?
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
Babe?
[SNORING]
♪
What's gonna happen to us?
[TENSE MUSIC]
[QUIRKY ACOUSTIC MUSIC]
♪
You know, someone once
told me to never trust
a plumber with no ass crack.
Yeah, well, I'm just over here
trying to break a stereotype.
Mm, that's disappointing,
but I respect it.
Sorry.
What, are you headed back to school?
Yeah, today, actually.
Gotta cram for my midterms.
- Yeah? What do you study?
- I'm pre-law.
- Really?
- Wow, don't act so surprised.
Don't I look like a lawyer?
Uh [CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHS]
- Hey, can I ask you something?
- Yeah, sure.
You've been spending a
lot of time with Nathan.
- Is he doing okay?
- Ah, he's gonna be fine.
[PHONE BUZZES]
Oh, speak of the devil.
All right, I'm gonna head home.
- We're throwing tonight.
- Darts again?
You wanna come and drive back tomorrow?
No, no, I don't wanna get in the way
of this beautiful
blossoming bromance, so
Yeah.
Well, uh
You crush those midterms.
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
♪
- Oh!
- Very nice.
I'm gonna pee.
♪
- Oh.
- Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
- Uh.
- Oh, hey.
I'm sorry, sir. That was my fault.
No, no, we we met the other night.
We were I came up to
the bar to get a shot.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, I remember.
Um, well, see you.
See you.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
I told you it would go well.
Second date Friday!
[TRAINER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[SCREAMING]
♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Nate?
Nate?
[SIGHS] Okay.
[GROANS]
And who's this bitch?
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Ugh.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Unbelie oh, you're dead.
I'm so sorry. Okay.
Last night?
I'm here at the scene
of the brutal slaying
of Chloe Lake, a 28-year-old bartender,
in an apartment building
in Venice overnight.
Police believe she is the seventh victim
of the serial killer known
as the Westside Ripper.
The Westside Ripper.
Hey.
I just got bitched
out by a six-year-old.
What time did you get home last night?
Well, you were asleep and
I didn't wanna wake you.
What time did you get in?
What's with all the questions?
You were looking at my laptop?
Who is she and what
the hell is going on?
That is the craziest story.
- You won't believe it.
- Try me.
Okay, well, I'm out with
Matt last night at the bar.
I go to get drinks, and, boom,
that girl comes out of the bathroom.
She bumps into me I
mean, full-on hip checks me.
I say sorry. She says sorry.
I don't think anything of
it. She takes off, gone.
This morning, I check out the news.
I find out she was murdered last night.
So this girl was with you at the bar
last night before she was killed?
No, no, she wasn't with me.
She bumped into me, and now she's dead.
It's unbelievable.
Okay, so you
then you googled her
because she was murdered?
Yeah, I mean, it's weird.
It just freaked me out.
♪
They think it was the Westside Ripper.
Really?
I mean, maybe he was
at the bar last night.
Maybe you even saw him.
Did anyone look suspicious?
There was one guy she was with.
It looked like a date.
Okay, no, that wouldn't be him.
How do you know?
No serial killer is gonna
take someone out in public
and then kill them after.
That's not the Ripper's style.
Trust me, I know my serial killers.
And this one is still out there.
♪
I can't believe that Nathan
knew the girl that got killed.
Oh, no, no, no, he didn't know-know her.
He just accidentally bumped into her.
But, still, that is, like, so creepy.
It's not that creepy.
It just was a thing that, you know
And it wasn't just,
like, a regular killer.
I mean, this is the big kahuna.
- This is the Westside Ripper.
- Yeah, I know who
And I bet you anything the cops
are gonna wanna interview him.
- Uh, the excuse me, sir.
- Okay, I'm
[PHONE CHIMES]
Thank you.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
There's been a potential breakthrough
in the recent Westside Ripper murder
of 28-year-old Chloe Lake.
Kelly Monroe has more at the scene.
Thank you, Lynette.
Police sources here have revealed
that the killer left something
behind in this alley
♪
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Ava, where are you
Oh, my God.
Hey, Google, call Nathan's cell.
Call Nathan's cell.
Pick up, pick up, pick up!
[PHONE BUZZING]
Come on!
♪
- Hey, brother.
- Hey.
- How's it looking?
- Yeah, pretty good.
I got the craziest story
for you from the other night.
♪
You're not gonna believe it.
- So I come out
- Nate.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
Can you help me with something
in the bedroom real quick?
- Yeah, sure, one sec.
- No, now, actually.
I just need you super fast. Hey, Matt.
- Hey.
- Just
[WHISPERING] Come here.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What's going on?
- Yeah.
Jesus, what is it? Are you okay?
I need you to stay calm
so I can show you something real quick.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- Kelly Monroe has more.
- I love Kelly Monroe.
- It's not about her.
- Thanks, Lynette.
Police sources here have revealed
that the killer left something
behind in this alley
a blood-soaked blue bootie
- Yeah.
- There it is.
Worn over shoes by a variety
of home-service providers.
LAPD forensics is working on
Yeah.
♪
That doesn't
I mean, what are you saying?
Did Matt notice the girl
at the bar the other night?
- What girl?
- The
the DB, the dead body,
the girl that was murdered.
He left right after she did.
Oh, my God, he followed her. Holy shit.
Oh, my God, okay, okay.
Matt showed up this morning
with scratches all over his arms.
- What?
- Yes, yes, big, red, angry, new scratches, okay?
And he said his cat did it.
- I don't think he has a cat.
- Mm.
I'm telling you, it's Matt.
Matt is the Westside
Ripper. I know my killers.
It is him, and he is right there.
But he can't be. It can't be.
Okay, do you wanna
do you wanna just go in and ask him?
Because he has the same
blue booties as the killer.
He followed the girl out of the bar,
and an hour later, she
was stabbed 37 times,
and then he waltzes in this morning
with don't-kill-me scratches on his arms
- from his imaginary cat.
- Okay.
What more do you want?
I've hung out with him a dozen times.
- Mm.
- He's just a normal guy.
Okay, do you think Ted
Bundy wore a T-shirt
- "I fuck corpses"?
- I beg you.
You gotta stop listening
to these podcasts, please.
- What do you guys talk about?
How well do you know him?
What's what's going on with
your little friend over there?
- What do you mean?
We talk all the time.
- What do you talk about?
- Just normal stuff, guy stuff.
Like what? What?
Well, he told me he's got a kid.
Dating in LA, you know, it sucks.
- He used to live in Pomona.
- Pomona.
Okay, what'd he say
about that? Anything?
What? What? What?
He said he moved to Los Angeles
because someone got attacked
in his apartment building.
Shut up. Are you serious?
Attacked in his building in Pomona?
That's what he said.
Oh, my God, please. Okay, what else?
What else? When was that?
I mean, I think it was,
like, two years ago.
Two years ago, okay.
Hey, Google, search unsolved murders
Pomona apartment building 2021. Okay.
24 murders?
What the fuck is up with Pomona?
Wait, we gotta narrow down
our suspects here, let's see.
Unsolved murder of
82-year-old Sharon Simpson.
That's that's not a thing.
He murders really young,
hot brunettes like
like this one.
Murder in apartment
building, 242 Park Street.
Police found the victim,
Nicole Gibson, stabbed.
That is the girl from Pomona.
- Okay, type in the address.
- That is just
- Do bird's eye
- Okay.
- 'Cause he said that
- Oh, gosh.
His apartment building was
next to some tennis courts.
Okay, bird's eye.
- Yeah.
- Tennis courts.
You mean those tennis
courts? Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, shit.
- It is him. I knew it.
- Lower your voice.
He killed this girl in
Pomona, and now he's here.
He's the Westside fucking Ripper.
I guess he didn't find me
attractive enough to kill,
- but whatever.
- Oh, really?
- Really?
- I'm just saying.
I'm sure there'll be
other serial killers
that find you hot enough to kill.
I'm just saying.
Why would he just mention Pomona?
He just volunteered it.
Because he's getting off on it.
He is gloating. This is what they do.
I know these guys.
BTK, Zodiac, they love to secretly boast
that no one can actually catch them.
Think about it. Think about it.
To the outside world, Matt
is just the toilet guy,
but deep inside, he has a secret
a huge, powerful secret.
I mean, can you imagine if they knew
- he was the Westside Ripper?
- Hey, guys?
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Uh, sorry, I'm just headed out, but, um,
what did you want to tell me back there?
Hmm?
♪
- What was it I was gonna
- Mm.
Yeah, back there.
- I
- Before?
- When we were back there?
- Yeah.
Hmm. What did you
I have you know, it's crazy.
I have no idea.
- Oh, my God, babe.
- No idea?
He does this all the time now.
I'm worried.
Oh, no, we'll get it worked on.
- Call the doctor for you.
- Yeah.
You'll get old like this guy.
Well, listen, in that case,
I got some bad news.
Mm-hmm.
♪
The last hot water pipe, it's leaking.
- Oh.
- Look, I tried to patch it.
[COUGHS]
We're gonna have to change
it out. I just didn't wanna
- Oh, my God.
- Sure.
You guys to curse me
when I'm gone, you know?
- You?
- We would
We would
You're the last person we would curse.
Never.
Okay, well, you know, I'll
I'll pick one up,
bring it back tomorrow.
- Yeah.
- All right?
You know, it's gonna cost
you a few more lessons.
Absolutely.
And just just call
me if you wanna throw.
- Sure.
- Yeah?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- Is he going?
- He's walking.
- He's leaving.
- Okay.
- He's leaving. He's leaving.
- Just keep an eye on him.
I'll call 911, get a
SWAT team on his ass.
[LINE TRILLING]
♪
What the hell are you doing?
Let's think this through.
Think this what the
fu what does that mean?
We have a fucking serial
killer in our house.
He could come back any second.
I know, I know, but someone
is gonna jump on this, okay?
You can call 911.
And, sure, he's gonna get arrested.
There'll be a trial.
Someone will write a book
about this, guaranteed.
This isn't one of your podcasts.
But it is.
It is exactly like one of my podcasts,
except it's happening to us.
What if we do it?
What if-what if we make a
podcast about this together,
you and me? We we own this story.
You're out of your fucking mind.
No, think about it.
We could bring him in on it.
Bring the killer in on what?
The podcast. We force him to do it.
Oh, my God, this has
never been done before.
Yeah, you know why? Because
he'd fucking kill us.
No, no, he will not kill us,
because that's the beauty of it.
We will stop him from killing.
We will say, "Sir, no more
killing or we go to the cops."
No one ever gets hurt ever again,
and that's because of us.
Okay, so we force him to do a podcast,
"My Plumber, The Serial Killer."
And then, after a few months,
we secretly turn him over
to the cops when we're done.
Exactly, yes, except we call it
"A Murderer Speaks."
No, no, no, no, we call it
"The Westside Ripper Speaks."
Whatever, something like that.
I mean, we're gonna brand it.
Oh, my God, this is gonna go viral.
And we'll make him answer.
You know, why does he do
it? How? Why doesn't he quit?
Everything, straight from the mouth
of a serial killer
who's still out there.
Oh, my God, we'll disguise his voice.
People are gonna go nuts.
This is gonna change our lives!
You really think the Westside
Ripper is gonna do this?
Okay, either he does a
podcast or he goes to prison
for the rest of his life.
What would you choose?
- What would I do?
- Yeah.
Look, you can you can call 911,
but how are you gonna feel?
How are you gonna feel
when the girl from "Serial"
shows up, or "Crime Junkie,"
or "Sisters in Crime"?
And then it's their story.
It's not ours anymore.
Sure, they'll interview us.
We'll have our little five minutes,
but that'll be it, and
then, you, me, and this baby
are gonna have to go live
in a one-bedroom apartment
because we can't afford the mortgage.
You're gonna go back to red ball.
I'll go back to sitting
in an empty open house,
you know, hustling for 3%
while I'm sitting there having
sexual fantasies about my buyers.
Wait, you what?
I don't I don't know why I said that.
I'm pregnant and saying crazy shit.
I mean
You have sexual fantasies
about your buyers?
Okay, babe, do you know we're
the only couple stupid enough
not to be having affairs?
Is that true?
Listen, let's do this,
you and me together, please.
We are good people, okay?
We have played by the rules
and look where it got us.
But now, finally
finally, some good luck.
A serial killer has
fallen into our laps.
That's good luck?
Yes, God put him in our
kitchen for a reason.
We should be thanking
God that that fucker
hasn't killed us, not for bringing him
- into our lives.
- Come on, please.
No.
No.
[PHONE BUZZING]
- 911 is calling me.
- Answer it, tell them.
[PHONE BUZZING]
Someone called 911 from this number.
Is there an emergency?
[QUEEN AND DAVID
BOWIE'S "UNDER PRESSURE"]
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
Hello? Is everything okay?
Is there an emergency?
Hello? Is everything okay?
[VOCALIZING]
♪
Pressure pushing down on me ♪
Pressing down on you ♪
No man ask for ♪
Under pressure ♪
That burns a building down ♪
Splits a family in two ♪
Puts people on streets ♪
[VOCALIZING]
♪
That's okay ♪
It's the terror of knowing
what this world is about ♪
Watching some good friends
screaming let me out ♪
Pray tomorrow gets me higher ♪
Pressure on people,
people on streets ♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
♪
Man, great spot.
Right?
- You good?
- Oh, yeah.
- You?
- Yeah.
All right, show me what you got.
How'd you find this place?
I didn't really ask you
to go out here to surf.
Oh, yeah?
What what are we doing here?
I wanted you to see
that no one was around.
Uh.
No one's watching. No one's listening.
- All right.
- It's just us.
I'm not wearing a wire.
You can pat me down.
[CHUCKLES] Check you for
why would I wanna do that?
I know who you are.
Who I am?
A serial killer.
The Westside Ripper.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
[LAUGHS] All right, this is a
this is a joke, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna turn you in.
I have a proposition for you.
♪
BOTH: Nice shot, Dad!