Baskets (2016) s03e06 Episode Script


1 Oh.
"Hymn Worksheet.
" Christine, I can't wait to see what comes out of your mind.
Dale cancelled the French clowns? Dale said we were going over budget.
Mom, $500 per firework? Ah! Oh! Mother! Yes, hello, my name is Dale Baskets.
I'd like to sue someone, please.
Yes, I can hold.
MAN: You know, maybe you can clean this bus up a little bit next time.
All right.
Hey, ma'am.
Uh, sir.
Ma'am, do you know where, uh, Shitty Grove Terrace is? WOMAN: Yeah.
It's two blocks up.
MAN: Yeah.
All right.
That's good.
I'm proceeding with caution.
Where'd those birds go? Oh, my, look at that.
Wow, if I had my camera right now.
Oh, those people must've moved out.
All right.
No kidding.
Oh, roadkill.
This is a funky neighborhood.
- Hi.
How are you doing? - Hi.
- Good.
- Um, I have a special delivery for you and that's if you are, uh, Christine Basket.
- Baskets.
- Yes.
That's-that's a tongue twister.
Um, I-I was supposed to bring this yesterday, and I know it's Thursday, it's Thanksgiving.
I don't celebrate holidays I don't know about you but this is for you.
- Okay, thank you.
- Uh, special deliv [STAMMERS.]
- Thank you very much.
- Please, ma'am, uh, if I was hoping I could borrow, I was hoping I could borrow a glass of water.
I my water bottle on the bus rolled under this big, scary menace.
Ooh, my God.
That's a huge turkey.
Boy, you're gonna cook that all by yourself, huh? Oh, man.
I bet you know how to do that.
That's good.
: Anyway, um, I wonder what that turkey was thinking right before the guys at the farm chopped his head off.
Oh, my gosh, you're getting sued.
I didn't open the envelope.
I didn't open it.
Perhaps, glanced a little when they were putting it in at the place and I just saw that I'm I better go.
I'm that sucks.
Thanks for the water.
- Hey, Mom? - Yeah? Are we gonna do anything for, uh, Thanksgiving this year or should we just skip it? I thought we would eat at 3:00.
Well, I have plans.
Oh, you do, do you? - Yeah, I'm going to Martha's.
- Hmm.
She's a fan of my clowning, so I think it's better to go where I'm wanted.
But Eddie's gonna be here, right? No, he's going rock climbing with his sponsor in Yosemite.
See you, Mom.
Say hi to Martha for me.
KEN: Hey, Christine.
Can you pass the salt? - [LAUGHS.]
- I sure can.
I got a salt right here for you.
Here, let me let you have a bite of this stuffing that Ivy made.
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.
- Oh.
Wow, what's in that? Is that a little basil? KEN: A little bit of everything.
Oh, it was delicious and no calories.
You know, you should have come out.
Oh, when I fly, I just swell so much.
Is everything good between us? - What? Oh! - MONICA: Hi, Christine! How are you? Happy Thanksgiving.
- Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh, I wish I was there.
IVY: Where you at? Oh, I'm in Bakersfield in my kitchen.
- WOMAN: Hey.
- Oh, my gosh.
Ooh, let me help.
Let me help.
- Let me help.
- What happened? Chris, baby, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Gina just showed up with the new baby.
Love you.
- Uh, bye.
Hi, Cody.
Hi, Logan.
It's your mother.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I hope you're having a nice home-cooked meal with some nice people.
Uh, we miss you, we love you, and, um, I can almost smell the turkey from here.
I hope you're enjoying it.
Happy Thanksgiving, boys.
Dear Lord, it's me Can't you see No.
Dear Lord, it's me Dear Lord, it's me.
Dear Lord, it's me Christine I'm really sick of these times I see No.
The I'm really tired Of this rodeo S-Scene Scheme? [SIGHS.]
W-Why are you here? You got to work on your greetings.
You invited me, like, two weeks ago.
What about being with your family? [SIGHS.]
I work with them.
I need a break.
Thank you.
Um, um, well, I guess come in.
Chip, look, I have to be honest with you.
You caught my family in the middle of a squabble on turkey day.
Should I come back in an hour or something? I don't know.
My mom's not cooking.
A-Actually, she's not even coming out of her room.
- Can you cook? - Do you have Eggos? MRS.
BROOKS: I told you, I am not cooking.
Mom, you're out of your room.
You know, I know you're not cooking.
Chip and I were just gonna figure it out.
- Who? - CHIP: Hi, Mrs.
It's Chip.
Chip Baskets.
Did she tell you that my husband thinks he doesn't need his pills anymore? - Mom.
- No.
I don't know how he thinks he can live.
I've been chopping up the vitamins to put on his cinnamon toast for years.
Mom, Chip doesn't want to hear this.
No, it's-it's nice to hear other families arguing other than my own.
BROOKS: Well, I'm done.
Done, done, done.
MARTHA: Okay, well Chip and I will handle it.
We can make the turkey, right? No turkey.
Anything but turkey.
Bye, Mrs.
Nice to see you.
Chip, I'm really sorry about this.
You know, you can leave if you want to.
This is really embarrassing.
My mom gave me a rodeo, Martha.
I don't think it gets any more embarrassing than that.
I like your mom.
Well, maybe we should do a switch, a little swap or something like that.
Hey, Mom, would you eat frozen tilapia? And there's also some venison from that deer Dad hit.
I'll have some of that dead deer meat.
MARTHA: Oh, okay.
Uh oh! Oh MRS.
BASKETS: Yeah, 911? Oh, my neck.
Describe 'em? Well, they're hooligans, I think.
I thought they were gypsies, but they're more ruffians than gypsies, I think.
Uh, there's no, there's no money.
Nothing to be had here.
The silverware you could have because it's a bitch to clean.
- We are looking for Chip.
- Chip? Oh, my son drags every Tom, Dick and Harry home.
Listen, no ambulance, no police.
All under control.
- Thanks.
- Excuse me.
My-my friend and I have come to town to do clowning at the Baskets rodeo family - with Chip Baskets.
- Oh.
He called me for the opera.
The French clowns! - Yes! [LAUGHING.]
- Oh.
I thought you were gypsies.
I'll open the door.
Oh, so relieved.
Oh Mom, I've got your tilapia.
- MRS.
BROOKS: Leave it.
- Mom Just leave it.
- [SIGHS.]
: First and 17 [SNIFFS.]
: Illegal use of the hands on the offense - Green Bay Packers.
- Hmm? - They-they won.
- What's that? - You like the Packers? - Uh Football team.
Green Bay Packers.
No, I don't, I don't much follow football anymore.
What? I used to follow the Denver Nuggets, but, yeah Really? Huh.
Martha, what is this? Is this fish or chicken? - You know what? I think I'm gonna take off.
- It's Oh, okay.
Well, bye, Chip.
- Okay, bye, Chip.
- Bye, Mr.
Bye, Martha.
Um, that's tilapia, Dad.
It's fish.
Fish? Huh.
- It's all right.
Well, happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, happy Thanksgiving.
Kirkland products coming up.
Mango, tropical mango.
Or would you like organic? I thought you might be.
How about a ooh, tuning the old violin.
How 'bout a drink? Not too cold, but best I could do on a short notice.
- Ah, drinks.
- Is it wine? Well, sort of, it's, you know, got grapes in it.
- Ah-ha.
- CLAUDIA: Ah-ha.
My, what is it? Surprise.
Surprises? I love 'em.
- Oh! - Tiny burgers! - [JULIEN LAUGHS.]
Thank you so much.
They look like little sugar burgers.
- They should be in a museum.
- I know.
BASKETS: So French.
Oh - Oh.
Silk, huh? - CLAUDIA: Mm-hmm.
Oh! I've got a big head.
- Oh, it fits.
- CLAUDIA: Perfect.
- How does it look? - CLAUDIA: Amazing.
Really? Oh.
Ah! I never thought of doing that with my Kirkland.
BASKETS: Oh, I feel like part of your troupe.
So thoughtful of you all.
I really appreciate it.
- Wow, kitty cat.
- Ronald Reagan! - [MEOWS.]
Don't juggle him.
Oh, he likes you all.
Thank you for having us, Mama Baskets.
- You're welcome.
- We are honored to be able to perform for your rodeo.
Rodeo? Oh, talk about that later.
Who wants to see Chip home movies, when he was a little boy? - Sure.
Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- I'll bring the cookies.
- Oh, he loved to throw things.
- Twins.
- MRS.
BASKETS: Twins, yes.
- Ah.
Seems like 100 years ago.
- Or yesterday, I'm not sure.
- I know.
BASKETS: Oh, I miss my garden.
Ah, there's Cat Nixon! I named her after the president's wife, Pat Nixon.
- Right, the president.
Yeah, yeah.
- Uh-huh, yeah.
He was a lovely person.
- Oh, shoot.
- JULIEN: Who is that? MRS.
BASKETS: My mother.
She passed away not too long ago.
Hey, Mom.
The first Thanksgiving without my mother.
- Who is that? - My father.
Always yelling, always telling us what to do.
Telling my mother what to do.
- [MRS.
He loved to stomp around.
- Christine! -[GASPS.]
- Yes, sir? It's a mess in here! It's a mess! - I'm sorry, Daddy.
The face.
Dear Lord, it's me, Christine Oh, that's, uh, something I'm working on.
- That's not really finished.
- I'm so sick of this - Rodeo scene - [VIOLIN PLAYING.]
I'm not job, never claimed to be Job.
It's "Job.
" It's a common mistake.
I'm not Job, never claimed to be I know you like to challenge me But this is ridiculous BOTH: Abraham was willing to kill His son for thee I will kill Two of my sons with glee! [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Is that what you want, Mom? - CLAUDIA: Chip! Chip - Hey! - Hey, hey, hey.
Tra, la, la, la, la, la - [SINGING AND CLAPPING.]
- CHIP: How did you guys get here? - We busked all over the place.
- Oh, well, - it's so great to see you.
- Like, like train, bicycle, - I don't know.
- CHIP: Oh, my God, okay.
La, la, la Hold on one second.
Hold on one second.
La, la, la - La, la, la, la, la, la Hey! - Chip, Chip, Chip! Ah! Wow.
: Oh.
- Good one.
- Just trying to join in the revelry with the clowning.
Really? [LAUGHS.]
: I'm sorry.
I don't want to - Oh, dear.
- I'm sorry.
Why are you wearing this costume? This is my French clown outfit.
This is Renoir.
JULIEN: No, no, no.
Chip, Chip.
It's like someone, you know, looking at a funny French copy of something he saw in a photo on Google image search.
It is offensive to me.
It is offensive and also it-it's offensive to my mother, you know, i-it's offensive to her mother, you know.
To his mother, you know, her mother, their mothers.
I mean, it's in a way, it is offensive to all the French mothers.
And, uh, I think it's not about the French mother I-I don't know what [STAMMERS.]
Come on, guys, I mean, what do you You see, they're offended, like if somebody came here and tried to do some Bakersfield thing.
You know, like the Bakersfield shuffle.
Yeah, if I did a Bakersfield shuffle, that would be offensive.
And he probably couldn't even do it 'cause it's not easy.
CLAUDIA: Mm-hmm.
You're not a French cloon.
- [SIGHS.]
- Yeah.
But, you know, be proud 'cause you're a Bakersfield cloon.
- JULIEN: That's right.
- Be proud of it.
- Yeah, be proud of that.
- Why am I saying "cloon"? Cloon, yeah.
- I love that.
- Very French.
- I wish I can be a Bakersfield cloon.
- Yeah, me, too.
- I mean - JULIEN: Yeah, I would.
I mean, that would be offensive to him and to his mother.
Thank you.
Okay, Chip, maybe, you know, maybe Renoir must die.
What? Renoir must just die.
That's it.
CLAUDIA: Yeah, die.
All right, we're gonna start the tour because this is just the tip of the iceberg.
We got two turkeys.
We got two chickens right here.
Here are the chicken oh, they've Hey, I've got a confession to make.
I'm not running the rodeo anymore.
So, talk to Chip if you want to know about the rodeo.
Um Dale has kind of, um, frozen the-the, uh, clowning budget at this time.
I'm really sorry, you guys.
- MRS.
BASKETS: Me, too.
- Hey, it's not your fault.
Uh, it happens all the time, I - Oh, well.
- [MRS.
: Those are friendly, aren't they? WOMAN [ON TV.]
: They are.
They're like big dogs, you know.
- What's that? - It's marijuana, madame.
We will smoke it outside.
Oh, no.
Uh is that the same as grass? JULIEN: Yes.
- Do you mind if I give it a try? - What? - Sure, yeah.
If you want to.
- Wait a second.
Mom, no.
What? You're weird enough.
Mom, don't do that.
I don't take orders from you anymore, Chip.
I'm out of the rodeo.
JULIEN: Here you go.
- Me? All right.
- Yeah.
Oh, God.
- Oh.
JULIEN: No, that-that's good.
- Yeah.
- Mom, that's enough.
Sorry about Renoir, Chip.
Sorry I was mean to you at the rodeo.
The opera and everything.
I just I just feel like you could dig deeper.
I feel like you could find your true clown.
Or cloon, whatever you want to call it, but I think you have a lot of talent, and I just want you to dig a little deeper and you know, get to it.
JULIEN: In a way, I mean, you you got to get out of your cocoon, you know.
Get out of your little cocoon.
- CLAUDIA: Yeah.
: Cocoon.
Oh, you French.
Now, you know, where would I be if I didn't have my son? - JULIEN: Yeah.
Oh, no.
- I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be able to meet all these interesting people.
JULIEN: There you go.
That's right.
- You know? - CLAUDIA: It's true.
- That's why you're here, man.
- I don't think you realize - what you-you add to my life.
- He's cool.
Why, I'd be just an old woman sitting on a on a couch alone.
You know? But here I am with, you know, world travellers, clowns, performers.
- Cocoon.
- CLAUDIA: And a joint in your hand.
- You cocoon.
You know, some words are just funny.
- Cocoon.
For the cloon.
Get out of your get out of your cocoon.
You little cloon.
Spread your wings.
: Oh.
- I have one question for all of us.
- Uh-huh? Is ev is anyone else starving? - Yeah.
Do you know a good place? - Do I? Hey.
You look good, playa.
Thanks for, uh, opening for us.
Anything for my boy on Thanksgiving.
You got to help.
You're the only one that knows the kitchen.
You sure? Yeah, man, you were one of my best guys, Chip.
- It still fits.
- Looks good.
Do you have any new, uh, signature sauces that I should know about? We have arrived.
Take a deep breath.
Ooh, I'm home! Welcome to Arby's.
What can I do for you? Welcome is right.
These are my new friends.
And they have never had the Arby's experience, so Well, you got to get curly fries.
Curly fries! They're like french fries, but they're curly, they're seasoned, and they're better.
No offense to the French, but they are.
Hey, Jode.
This, uh, Arby's sign fell.
It's all right, man, just set it down.
BASKETS: Hey, bring that home.
I'd love to have that in the kitchen.
Oh, thank you for saving Thanksgiving.
Ah, don't thank me.
Thank Arby.
I do every day.