Battleground (2012) s01e01 Episode Script

1
We just got this in.
Ben, TV. George, get your wife.
We got new counties coming in.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
[NEWS-TYPE THEME PLAYING ON TV]
Come on, come on, come on.
WOMAN [ON TV]: With 52 percent
of the precincts reporting
Okay, we have just learned
that they have called the race.
It's funny.
The speeches will be forgotten.
The relationships
become distant memories.
And the only thing remembered:
Did you win?
In today's 27 news poll, we asked:
Who would you like to see
as Wisconsin's next U.S. senator?
Incumbent Senator Jack Makers
leads the way with 52 percent of the vote.
And it's just another setback
for the Samuels campaign
which has been plagued by doubts
of their financial stability for weeks.
You need something?
Yeah, I'm looking for Tak Davis.
I can help you out. Jordan T. Mosley,
campaign senior advisor.
Ben Werner. It's my first day of work.
Whoop! Big no-no. Not a worker.
Volunteer.
Yeah. No, you got a long ways to go before
you get one of these bad boys, you know?
- Know how I did it?
- Your dad married the candidate?
Coincidence.
No. Started at the bottom,
worked my way up.
Why is there a different name
on your laminate?
It's his dad's.
There's been some delays
on the manufacturing end.
It's not importante.
Walk with me, Benjamin.
I was a sort of mentor-slash-shaman
to a lot of the volunteers.
I don't know if you've read
Moby Dick or not,
but I was like the captain,
the staff was my crew,
and the campaign was the shark.
You wanna get a job here,
you gotta start at the bottom.
- You willing to do that?
- Of course.
Okay. Make sure nobody parks here
while I'm out.
Afterwards,
I'll take you to meet the candidate,
maybe get you into the debate tonight.
Coolio?
Yeah, okay.
Coolio?
- Coolio.
- All right.
Hey, Ben,
welcome to the campaign.
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
[MOUTHING]
Bye.
TAK:
Jordan tell you to stand there?
- Uh, yeah.
- You don't have to watch his parking spot.
- You're Tak Davis.
- Hi, how's it going? Nice to see you.
I wanted to look into volunteering
for the campaign election.
Campaign election?
My sister is Julie Werner.
Your sister's Julie Werner?
Wow, Julie Werner.
I just moved here yesterday
to volunteer.
Oh, she gave me this for you.
Also, I, uh, brought a letter of
recommendation from my last job. Ha, ha.
Why is it a scroll?
It's from a Renaissance fair
up in Oshkosh. Ha, ha.
I was a sorcerer.
It-- It-- It's not a big deal.
The cursive is exquisite.
I gotta gather everyone for a meeting.
You coming?
Yeah. Yes.
Okay, Gandalf,
let's take it down a hit point.
Watch out for the cat.
Watch out for the cat.
KJ: Out of my hands.
COLE: The stipulation was I play defense.
- I have to be able to take the shot.
- That's a valid way to play defense. No--
- Oh!
TAK: Ha, ha!
George wants to do a pit meeting
in five.
Makers told Sly in the Morning
he's thinking about pulling out
of the debate tonight, so
They were just scared of Samuels.
She's sharp and she's funny.
We needed the voters to see them
side by side on live TV.
It was the last thing
the Makers team wanted.
Tried to get you on a conference call.
- Sarah and I had a thing.
ALI: Got it.
TAK:
We think it's because of this.
One of Rudy's video vultures got this
at the state fair yesterday.
MAKERS [OVER COMPUTER]:
And I worked hard for the kids.
- Because all the children in Wisconsin
ALI: Wait for it. Here it is.
deserve the chance to be illiterate.
Wow. He was losing it six years ago
when I worked for him.
Makers makes it happen.
He does make it happen.
Ha, ha! They're taking a knee
till the end of the game.
They know Samuels
will kill him in a debate, so
Yeah, well, they gotta go to at least one
to get the federal campaign funds,
problem is, is they choose.
Town hall is next week, but we don't
have the cash to make it till then.
It's gotta be tonight.
We gotta get him to show up tonight,
period.
Yeah, how?
This is so great.
That's Ben.
He comes highly recommended.
And we're walking.
We got Cole on that, okay?
Number three, there's gonna be
a film crew following us from now on.
It's for some Internet thing or something,
I don't know.
So if you're gonna get high,
do it off camera, people.
[STAFF CHUCKLES]
She's kidding.
All right, number four.
Debate update, Tak.
Just spoke with the Makers campaign.
We are meeting their point, Corboy,
at the Capitol in an hour.
GEORGE: All right. Well, if it's an important
meeting, maybe I should sit in on it.
I think we're good.
Corboy and I used to work together
for Makers, so I know how to handle him.
And we have a pretty good plan.
GEORGE: Just make sure
they show up tonight, all right?
- Mm-hm.
- All right, number five.
Yes, I know that the heat is a problem.
The thermostat is broken.
It thinks it's 45 degrees in here,
so it's pumping out hot air.
Question:
Will we be hosting a sweat lodge later?
Ha, ha, ha.
Very funny. All right, number six.
Hey, we have a new 15-second patriotic
that KJ put together
that we need to take a look at.
["STAR-SPANGLED BANNER" PLAYING
OVER TV]
NARRATOR [OVER TV] :
Tradition.
Apple pie and baseball
represent not just a way of life,
but a love of country and honesty.
Vote for Samuels. Vote for America.
I'm Deirdre Samuels
and I approve this message.
GEORGE:
All right, all right.
Hey, I like it. I like it.
- Problem?
- It's great,
if she was running
for senator of America.
GEORGE: All right, well, let's drop the
Bucky ad and let's start running this one.
The Bucky ad's working.
We should keep targeting students.
GEORGE: See, here's the thing,
students don't vote.
You should have seen the turnout
for the rally yesterday.
- It was pretty incredible.
- They don't vote.
All right? Deirdre will love this.
Nice work, KJ.
All right, number seven.
Ali, how about an Internet update?
Yeah, Samuels calling the economy
"flaccid" is going viral.
We are trying to contain it,
but YouTube won't pull it down.
Oh, and then there is this.
This is showing up on Frat Row.
[STAFF LAUGHING]
Oh, yeah, you guys can laugh,
but this is what we're up against.
It is a hard thing to be up against.
[STAFF LAUGHING]
Guys, guys.
Let's not blow it.
[STAFF LAUGHING]
[GEORGE SIGHS]
BEN:
So, what's the plan?
I don't know,
maybe if we block the grate.
Oh, no. You told George you had an idea
for how to get Makers to the debate.
I was lying. I do that from time to time.
Aren't you worried?
- Nope.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
Uh, oh, Ben, Mom's pissed.
- Do you mind giving us a second?
- Oh, yeah.
I-- I mean, no. Of course not.
Why are you taking shots
at my commercial?
The spots you made last week
were great.
Well, this one's easy.
It's a first meeting.
- First meeting?
- There was no second or third meeting
to make something passionate,
insightful or real. It's too nice.
Tak, we can't just throw grenades.
This is a spot about feeling.
KJ, they hit us with flyers that say
Samuels is a lesbian.
And you came back with baseball
and apple pie.
- Where are the amber waves of grain?
- Just so you know, you're being an ass.
Ha, ha, ha. Wait. The heat stopped.
The heat stopped.
I heated up the thermostat
so that it would stop blowing hot air.
- That's amazing.
- Thank you.
- Give me five minutes.
- Okay.
Okay. Where were we?
- Right, you were about to kiss me.
- You're a pig.
Mm. You're getting less eloquent.
I'll be waiting.
Screw them. Let's show up to the debate
even if they don't.
- Like middle school.
- What?
Uh, uh, in middle school, if you show up to
a fight and the other kid doesn't, you win.
You get in a lot of fights, Ben?
No, no, I never showed up.
Ah, except for this one time.
I got beat up pretty badly.
Really didn't think she'd show up.
That's it. That's it.
Hey, I miss the 9:00 meeting?
Yeah, Jordan, we had it at 9, so
Right. What'd I miss?
Not much.
So I had this idea in the car
I wanted to pitch,
but someone took my parking spot, so
Dude, you were supposed
to be watching my parking spot.
- Jordan, I am so sorry.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ben, is this true?
Did you ignore a directive
from senior staff?
- Well, I-- You said--
- Ben, clean out your locker.
- I don't have a--
- I don't wanna hear it.
JORDAN:
Sorry, man. Them's the rules.
I wish I could help you, but
Tak, he did fix the thermostat.
TAK:
Cole, you're right. He did.
You understand there has to be
some sort of punishment.
Otherwise,
the office would just be chaos.
So for the rest of the day,
you will speak like you are at the Ren fair.
- Okay.
- I'm sorry, what?
Verily, sire.
Good. Also, you'll have to carry our folders
to the debate meeting at the Capitol.
Wait, what?
Tak, I'd be more than happy
to go to the meeting.
No, no, no. Ben's gotta learn his lesson.
We're gonna leave in 15 minutes.
That is all.
- I shall see you anon.
- And I shall see thee in a fort-minute.
- Did he--? Did he just bow to me?
BEN: Huzzah!
JORDAN:
So
You guys wanna hear my idea, right?
Is it a vow of silence?
Okay, so I get one of our campaign signs,
right?
Go to the game tonight,
hold it up behind the pre-game show:
Boom, free advertising.
We can't use campaign funds
for a football game.
Right. Right.
- Is my dad around?
- Oh, God. Make it stop.
He's getting the new poll numbers.
Awesome possum. I'm outtie.
That has got to be
the worst campaign idea ever.
No, the worst idea was
when Jordan tried to win the AIDS Walk
because he thought
it would get us in the paper.
He was right about that.
KJ: Shouldn't we be meeting
in a more neutral location?
No. We want them overconfident.
It's the best chance we have
of them showing up tonight.
And why is Ben carrying folders
from six months ago?
So we look disorganized.
- We are disorganized.
- It's already working.
What--? What is that? The Art of War?
Mighty Ducks 2?
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
MICHAEL: Perfect.
- Michael.
Mm-hm.
The finger. I love the finger.
All right. Looks good. I'm onboard.
Okay, great.
- Tic Tak.
- Sorry, we got lost in the atrium.
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you too.
MICHAEL:
Everything good? Good, good, good.
- You remember KJ.
- KJ, good to see you again.
- Cole Graner.
MICHAEL: Howard Dean's speech writer.
Yeah. "Go to New Hampshire.
We're going to D.C. to take down
the White House. Hyah!"
Yup, nailed it.
And this is our new volunteer,
Ben Werner.
Ben.
- Nice system you got there.
- Well, it can't be hacked.
[LAUGHING]
"Can't be hacked," funny.
You're good, Tak, you're good.
- Welcome, Ben.
- 'Tis an honor, sire.
'Tis.
Tak, you remember Holly Walker
from the Oregon 5th, right?
I sure do. Congratulations on running
such a strong campaign.
We had a great candidate.
- Did you? Okay.
MICHAEL: Ha-ha-ha.
You've had a little bit of a rough go lately,
huh?
Since leaving your dad's firm.
What are you now, 0 and 6?
Yeah. But who's counting?
Newsweek.
Tak knew that Corboy needed to feel
like he was in control.
He waited for the right moment.
It was perfect.
Ha, ha, ha. Come on.
I'm just busting your balls, buddy.
Look, we gotta get down to business here.
We are not making the debate tonight.
Good. We had to cancel the rally
for this afternoon
because Samuels is losing her voice.
This will give her a chance to rest up.
- Oh, okay. Good.
TAK: Great.
- We're still on for the town hall, right?
- Absolutely.
MICHAEL: Great. We just have some
stipulations we'd like to show you.
KJ:
Oops!
A thousand pardons.
Yup, quite a system.
TAK:
We got them.
KJ, call the radio stations, tell them we
won't be attending the rally at Wingra Park.
- There wasn't a rally scheduled.
- They don't know that.
- Cole?
- Yeah.
Drop a press release saying
that we're pulling out of the debate,
but we're looking forward to town hall.
Send it over to WISC.
- Okay.
- They hate us.
Exactly.
They'll send it right over to Makers.
- Ben.
- Aye?
Buddy, let's hope they show up
for the fight.
[DIALING CELL PHONE]
[LINE RINGING]
BEN: Hello? It doesn't look like
anybody else is coming.
Ah, ah, ah!
Ren fair.
My lord, eyes gaze upon not
but the noble pine, the facade of sturdy--
[LINE DISCONNECTS]
Still nothing.
Tak?
Let's go in now.
Tell them you're feeling better
and get some TV time.
- It's too important to miss.
- No, no, no.
If we go in before them, they see us,
they'll turn right around.
Honestly, this is the most fun I've had
in two months.
They're not coming.
They're coming.
Maybe.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
BEN :
Huzzah, 'tis the carriage of the king.
Hey.
- Her voice got better.
- Yeah.
See you in there.
The debate went better than
we ever could have possibly dreamed.
It was a huge win for us.
Makers was lost.
And Samuels was just so smart
and passionate.
Actually, I witnessed
a lot of passion that night.
KJ: Yup.
COLE: Yeah.
What else do you wanna know?
Um, Cole and KJ lived happily ever after.
End of movie.
[CHATTERING]
BEN: Sire?
TAK: You should get--
What news has thou for me?
- My liege, many apolog--
- Ben, stop.
- It's after midnight.
- Okay.
Tak, I'm sorry for embarrassing you
by dropping those papers
at the meeting today.
I think it's pretty clear I'm really terrible
at this campaigning stuff.
So I'm gonna go back home tomorrow.
You wanna go home?
You are home.
You know what this note says?
"He'll be good for you."
We want you here.
I mean, shit, I want you here.
You in?
Sometimes I wonder.
I wonder if I should have
gone home that night.
LINDSEY:
Really?
No.
No, not really.
Good.
[CHATTERING
& ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]