Battleground (2012) s01e04 Episode Script

1
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
The Kim comment? Yeah.
Yeah, I remember that.
How could I forget?
What a day.
The day of the comment? Mmm
No.
I do remember
Night of the Comet, though.
It's a great movie.
God, I hope they're building
a Starbucks.
- You taking Lindsey?
- To the dinner?
- Is it a dating situation?
- It is a dating situation.
Nurses' union dinner is huge for us.
Ten thousand members.
They got Makers elected last time.
Why didn't they endorse him this time?
Told TIME magazine that nurses
weren't as educated as doctors.
Watch the curb.
Seriously. You guys should go.
You'll have a really great time.
You get to dress up,
a little nurses-are-great speech.
- Dinner, drinking, dancing.
- Maybe I'll bring it up to her.
Carpe puella, Benjamin, seize the girl.
- Hi, Mr. Davis.
- Cassidy.
- Isn't the smell of autumn wonderful?
- Yes. It is.
- Do I have any messages?
- Yeah, oh, a bunch.
Why didn't you give them to me
when I came in?
You just came in.
I know, but you didn't say anything
when I came in.
Yeah, I did. I said, "Hi, Mr. Davis,"
and you said, "Cassidy."
And I said,
"Isn't the smell of autumn wonderful?"
Pretty sure I don't even sound like that.
Can I have them?
Yep. Uh, just one second.
[PAPERS RUSTLING]
- Actually--
- Okay, when you find them,
- just put them on my desk. Okay.
- Yeah.
Cassidy, when somebody calls,
I need the message.
- Mm-hm.
- When somebody calls,
- Mm-hm.
- I need the message.
Um, I'm gonna go check the bathroom.
I think they might be there.
Come on.
- Come on.
- It's a bad idea.
You're afraid
I'll be better at it than you.
- Somebody could get hurt.
- Pfft.
You could get hurt.
Okay. You put your fingers in a circle
like that:
And when somebody looks at it,
you hit them.
- Ow. That hurts.
- That's how you teach the game.
Also, make sure your fingers
look like that:
Okay. Oh!
- That really hurts.
- That's what I said.
I think you bruised me.
- Right there.
- Okay, one, you are terrible at this game.
Two, it has to be below the waist.
- Three, I said you'd get hurt.
- Mm!
TAK [ON MESSAGE]:
You've reached the Davis compound.
Nobody lives here but me.
ELLA: I live here.
TAK: Who else?
CHARLOTTE: Charlotte.
SARAH: And Mommy.
[BEEPS]
Hey, guys, just trying you again.
I would really love to talk to you.
Um, it's been almost a week.
- I miss you guys so much.
LINDSEY: Tak.
And I will try you later.
You should be watching this.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
We begin with breaking news. Senator
Jeff Makers is in the hospital this evening.
He collapsed this morning
- while jogging with his wife.
- Jogging?
The senator was taken
to UW hospital.
Doctors say he has a slight
heart arrhythmia.
He will stay in the hospital overnight.
MAN: In a statement,
a spokesperson for Senator Makers says,
"The senator is feeling fine
and plans to return to the campaign
trail in the next few days."
[TAK SIGHS]
Turn it off.
Cole, write up a release
expressing our concern for the senator.
- Ali--
- Other side.
- Put it up on the site, Facebook, Twitter.
- Got it.
- Great.
- Let's pull the grandpa ad?
- No. Let's wait.
- It's about him being old.
It's about him not showing up for work.
Because he's old.
- No. We're not pulling it.
- It's gonna look like we're kicking a guy
- when he's down.
- I said no.
You got it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Here are those messages.
Mike Bieder from AP called.
Why didn't you put him through?
I thought you said you wanted me to
give you the message if someone called.
That's only if I'm busy. That's only if
[GROANS]
Never mind. It's okay.
Thank you. Thank you, Cass.
[PHONE DIALING]
[LINE RINGS]
BIEDER: Hey, Tak.
- Bieds.
You guys still planning on
going to the nurses' dinner tonight?
Of course. We do wish Makers
a speedy recovery, but we're going.
You haven't seen the comment yet,
have you?
- What are you talking about?
- You guys posted your statement
about Makers on Facebook
and someone commented:
"Makers better hope that us dumb nurses
don't give him the wrong shot."
Well, we can't control
what people say on Facebook.
It was Kim Fullin, the vice president
of the Wisconsin Nurses Association.
And 733 people have liked it.
Do you want me to read some more?
It's pretty brutal.
- No, that's okay.
- So are you guys still going?
Let me get back to you on that.
Bieds, doesn't seem like much of a story.
Ah, the Huffington Post disagrees.
TAK: We have a problem.
COLE: You saw the comment?
- Yep.
- It's on Politico and Drudge.
Fox News teased it
going into commercial.
We have to pull out of the dinner.
We can't.
We cancel, they'll endorse Rudy.
That's 10,000 votes.
That's the primary.
If we don't pull out, we are gonna lose
every voter with an AARP card.
It's gonna look really bad
in the press, Tak.
Here's the thing. We're going.
I get that you have each other's backs,
it's adorable,
- but it's starting to affect the campaign.
- What?
I'm tired of this.
This has nothing to do with my opinion.
Well, it wasn't (bleep) happening
a month ago.
- You don't talk to me like that.
- Or what?
- Your boyfriend's gonna punch me?
- That's enough, dude.
It's okay.
Hey, Tak,
I don't know what this is but
What?
[COMPUTER CHIMES]
JORDAN:
What is this?
No.
- That hurt.
- Excuse me.
- I'm looking for Tak.
- Oh, my God.
- Ali, you know who this is?
- Ralph Lauren?
FRANK: Heh.
- You're D-day Davis.
Wow, I'm a huge admirer of yours, sir.
It's an honor to meet you.
I hear you might be running
the Frasier presidential campaign.
- Well, could be.
- You guys doing any online stuff for that?
- Website, social media?
- Maybe. Maybe.
- Ah. I'll give that back to you.
- Thanks.
I'm sort of a guru,
when it comes to the tech stuff.
Uh, it's my thing. It's what I do.
If you ever need any guidance
on that highway.
- I'll come right to you.
- Yeah, well, let me give you my card then.
He's an expert in lolcats.
That's wonderful.
Whatever you just said.
There you are.
- "Jordan T. Mosley."
JORDAN: Yeah.
- What's the T stand for?
- Tiberius.
Of course.
[FRANK CHUCKLES]
- So where's Tak?
- In the corner office.
- I can show you, if you want me to.
- No, Tiberius. No, captain.
You're needed here on deck.
[JORDAN & FRANK CHUCKLE]
That's how you do it, Ali.
[GRUNTS]
Be aggressive.
Oh, you gots to be aggressive.
Boom!
- I love those boots, Lindsey.
- Thanks. Hey, did you--?
- You're just really pretty.
- That is a really sweet compliment.
- You could be a model.
- I don't think I could.
Hey, do you know where the lawn signs are
that I had stacked here?
- Yeah, they were really popular.
- With who?
This couple came in
and they said they wanted a bunch.
Did they pay for them?
Because they're supposed to.
- Oh, I--
- That's how we make money.
CASSIDY:
I didn't know that.
Okay.
You need to tell her that it's imperative
that we talk to her.
Diane, it's not tonight. It's immediately.
Okay, thank you very much. Goodbye.
- Wow, the king visits the village.
- Hey.
Yeah, I was in Chicago
to help Paul Allen out with a benefit.
- Mm. You? Charity?
- I was getting paid.
- I always get paid.
- Yeah. I know, Dad.
- You wanna sit down?
- Yeah, sure.
- Can I get you something? Whiskey?
- Whiskey. No. It's all right, I pass.
I have to stay clear-headed,
you know.
Congrats on Frasier, by the way.
Oh, well, that's all unofficial yet.
So his 12 trips to Iowa were because
he likes to eat things on a stick?
Yeah. Something like that.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Hey, how about you?
Coming from 20 back
to make it interesting.
- Well, she's a good candidate, Dad.
- Yeah?
They don't want you to win, you know.
- That's why the map's red and blue.
- No, I'm talking about people on your side.
The DNC, they don't want you
to win the primary.
They think they've got a better shot against
Creighton in the general with Makers.
We haven't gotten a lot of love
from national.
Mm. Picking off your staff.
Feeding negative research
to the other team.
All that's just noogies and rugburns.
Wait till the polls get closer.
- Wait till we win.
- Well, the primary, maybe.
But the general?
Creighton's been governor
for the last 12 years.
He runs this whole damn state.
The ground game will be Armageddon.
Well, I'd better get going.
You came by for that.
- Thanks for the pep talk, Dad.
- No, I didn't come by for that.
Happy birthday, son.
It was a month ago.
Well, I'm getting better.
It's your book.
Yes. It's got a new foreword,
it'll help you with the campaign.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
- Oh, how's Susan and the kids?
- Sarah and the kids are good.
- Well, good luck.
- Okay.
[SIGHS]
- This one's fish oil.
JORDAN: Fish oil.
Hey, it was a pleasure
to meet the two of you.
- Thank you, sir. You as well. An honor--
- Word of advice.
Dress up a little bit.
A suit would be nice.
See these cufflinks?
- Ooh.
- Oh.
FRANK: Ha, ha!
JORDAN: Damn it. Oh, I suck.
- Ready for your punishment? Huh?
- Yes, sir. Yes. Yes.
Next time.
[FRANK LAUGHS]
- You know the circle game.
- Tiberius, I invented the circle game.
Wow.
Hey, Tak. Um, so Samuels is back.
- Great. Give me a second.
- You may wanna come now.
Cassidy has her cornered.
Talking about stuff.
[CASSIDY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
But this one is full of antioxidants.
Okay.
This one, actually, is really good
for your immune system.
- Cassidy, can I talk to you for a second?
- Yeah, just let me finish.
- It's really important.
- And this-- Okay.
I'll be right back. Try the echinacea.
TAK:
What's going on?
Oh, I'm a certified wellness coach.
- Hm.
- Yeah.
I don't know what that means.
Um, I administer nutritional
supplements and herbal extracts
to help rid the body of toxins.
[TAK SIGHS]
Is something wrong?
Nope, everything is great.
You're getting promoted.
CASSIDY: Really?
- Yep. Jordan.
JORDAN: Taco.
- I was thinking
about how you said
you could be more productive
- if you had an assistant.
JORDAN: Yeah.
TAK:
Cassidy is your new assistant.
- That's great.
- Thank you, Tak.
You're so welcome.
You guys are both so welcome.
Welcome aboard, Mama Cass.
You want one?
- Jordan, those are so full of chemicals.
- No, but I like them.
No.
Wow, that's not good.
- Fox News and Drudge both have it.
- We have to pull out of that dinner.
Look, he fainted. Let's calm it down.
KJ:
Perception.
We need to show outrage at the comment
and pull out of the event.
No, okay. Cole writes something up.
"What Kim said is terrible,
blah, blah, blah.
We made a commitment, blah, blah."
Who cares, we're going.
What do you think?
- Have we talked to the union yet?
- They haven't called me back.
I'll call, I'll see if we can get out of it.
You have to understand the position
you're putting us in.
- No, now you're being unreasonable.
- Don't think we're gonna film this, all right?
SAMUELS:
I understand it's just a joke.
And this is my eBay inventory.
So we've got regular comics,
golden-age comics,
- model airplanes, tethered aircraft--
- Tethered aircraft?
Uh, kites, weather balloons,
what have you.
- Okay.
- Black light posters. Oh!
I almost forgot my Magic: The Gathering
cards. Be right back.
How you holding up?
I quit.
- Where's she going?
- She said she'd be right back.
Man. I need her to catalog this.
- Yes. I got you.
- I was looking for your cards.
I got you.
- Fine, fine. Let's get it over with.
- I got you. Out here.
Gather round, gather round.
Serfs and vassals alike,
this will be a lesson in comeuppance.
You're gonna wanna catch this too.
Ahh.
Ow!
What was that?
- Always wear protection, kids.
JORDAN: Damn it. Damn it.
Comeuppance.
- You need to go out more.
- Really?
Yeah, like a lot more.
To, like, bars and clubs and parties.
Lots of parties. Keg parties.
- You need the chase.
- Yeah? No.
No. Parties are like zoos. I hate them.
You should go to petting zoos.
Ha, ha! Wait, what?
[KNOCKING]
TAK:
Lindsey, we were just talking about you.
Makers is dropping out of the race.
- What?
LINDSEY: Yeah. They just announced it.
MAN [ON TV]: In political news,
Senator Jack Makers has taken himself out
of the race for U.S. Senate.
In a statement, he says,
"After much thought and consideration,
I am withdrawing from the race.
This is not a decision
I have made lightly,
but at the request of my doctors
and my family,
I have decided to take some time off."
Wow.
All right, we need to set up a phone call
between you and Makers
so you can offer your support
and apologize for the comment.
- I think we cancel.
- It's not just 10,000 votes.
It's a massive fundraising pool
we don't get a chance to swim in.
Rudy will take it all.
I'm just more worried
about the blowback.
No, I'm going.
People in that union
work 16-hour shifts.
They're underpaid, taken for granted.
This is the one night
where we celebrate them
I'm not gonna cancel
just because one of them made a mistake.
All right.
- All right.
- Okay, let's skip the press line.
- Service entrance.
TAK: Don't let a reporter get a shot.
Cole, go with Samuels. Rework
the speech. Don't let them off the hook,
- she's gotta attack the comment.
- Got it.
I'm gonna stay back, we need
to put some ads on air for Rudy tomorrow.
TAK:
I'm gonna skip the party too.
I need to rework the calendar.
We need to focus in on Milwaukee.
Guys, we can't do that.
Hey, if I hear about anybody celebrating
tonight or posting anything tonight,
you will not step foot
back in this office.
- Do you understand?
ALL: Yeah.
Okay, thank you, guys.
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
Hey. You get it yet?
Get what?
You're the front-runner now.
[BEEPS]
Sarah, hey, it's me again. Just calling
to say I'm sorry again. I just--
SARAH [OVER PHONE]:
Hey, Sarah. Listen--
Sarah. Sarah.
Sarah?
Hey, KJ.
- Yep.
- Sorry about flipping out today.
- I'm just going through some things.
- You okay?
Yeah, I just
Nothing.
- Good night.
- I finished the Rudy spot.
You wanna take a look at it?
Uh, yeah, I do.
It's better with headphones.
[MUSIC PLAYING AND MAN SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY OVER HEADPHONES]
Nice.
Yep.
Yes.
I love the music.
Nice.
SAMUELS: I'm Deirdre Samuels
- It's perfect.
You nailed it,
where did you find that quote?
Rudy said it at a teacher rally in 2004.
It's-- It's perfect, KJ.
Thanks, Tak.
I'm really glad you're not going to Ohio.
Me too.
[SIGHS]