Battleground (2012) s01e03 Episode Script

1
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
BEN:
Hey.
- We made the front page.
- What is this, a newspaper?
They still make these?
"Samuels strong second."
They do love their alliteration.
Anything on Claire?
- Still nothing.
- Good.
Got KJ working on getting
the nurses' union to endorse us.
I don't want anything
to derail that.
George was still talking this morning
about a press conference.
For example.
I feel like if they hire you,
they should listen to you.
Benjamin, I've been saying that
for the last ten years.
You're the campaign manager.
Can't you just cancel it?
Not that easy.
You gonna take Lindsey
to Jordan's comedy show?
BEN: Not that easy.
- Heh.
- Good morning, Mr. Davis.
- Hello, you.
I found a frog
in my kitchen this morning.
That's good.
- Good morning, Kayla.
- Morning.
GEORGE: Morning.
- Good morning.
Glad you could join us before 10.
I was up till 4
going over our fundraising.
- We had our best month.
- Yeah.
We're still under half a mil
for the quarter.
- Which the press will love.
- We'll be fine.
I'm going golfing with some bundlers
this afternoon. That'll put us over.
Good, what we need to do is schedule
some call time with the candidate.
I don't love the idea of her
begging for money.
It's not very senator-like.
It's not gonna seem senator-like
when we can't pay our rent.
Tak, let me worry about
the money, all right?
You just make sure we have enough
bumper stickers
- and yard signs.
- Which cost money.
We can talk tonight
before the press conference.
Yeah, um, there's nothing in the paper
about Claire, so
The voters want us stand up
and say that this woman is a no one.
Having a press conference
for somebody
to say that they're a no one
seems odd.
Deirdre's made her decision.
Okay. I'll set it up for 6.
- Good.
- Great.
Good.
Good morning.
Then I worked six hours
at a Vietnamese restaurant.
Just, you know,
doing dishes and stuff.
They kept yelling at me
and calling me Joe.
Are you having
a 'Nam flashback, Ben?
We lost a lot of good men
in that restaurant.
Well, I worked a whole year at Rocky's
folding pizza boxes. No.
I would have quit
if it hadn't been for Michael.
- Who--? Who's Michael?
- Did you see a blue box, Ben?
Lindsey, e-mail the stations.
Tell them we're gonna do a presser at 6.
Okay. What's it about?
Tell them it's about clean energy
and alternative fuels.
- Is it?
- Nope.
Also, it's gonna be outside
next to a corn silo.
LINDSEY: Okay.
- It's gonna be cold. Bring jackets.
- Got it.
- It's gonna be cold.
I heard you.
How'd that go?
She started talking about Michael.
- Who's that?
- I don't know.
Wow.
We have a future star in our midst.
He's funny. He's hilarious.
He has talent.
[KJ LAUGHS]
And he's single too,
so you might wanna get on that.
- He will bomb.
- I don't know.
You wanna do a Facebook bet?
Okay. Loser posts
that they're horny.
No. My mom's on Facebook.
Not so confident in your horse
all of a sudden?
He's the Secretariat of unfunny.
You're on.
I've seen him practicing.
Jordan would work his material
into conversations
so he could practice his routine.
It didn't matter
what you were talking about.
It was so awesome to watch.
Did you get breakfast this morning?
- I didn't. Didn't. Didn't.
- Hm.
You know what's crazy
about breakfast?
Muffins.
Like, we've all collectively decided
that this miniature cake
is a breakfast food. Heh.
Like, what's next?
Eggs and ice cream? Yes, please.
Oh, I'll have the omelet
with a side of pie.
- Hold the whipped cream.
- Yeah.
"Hold the whipped cream."
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would say my influences
are Dane Cook,
that Asian guy from
The Hangover movies
Oh, what's his name?
He was in Sixteen Candles.
You know how to treat a lady.
- Yeah, well, I'm a special kind of guy.
TAK: Hey, guys.
Are you going to see
Jordan's sh--?
[PHONE RINGS]
TAK: What?
- Oh, I gotta take this.
I just--
- Who's she talking to?
- I don't know.
Seemed important.
TAK:
George won't cancel the presser.
COLE:
Shit.
A blogger in Oshkosh
just posted a call
he had with a pollster this morning.
I'm only accepting good news
right now.
- Never mind.
- Let's hear it.
MAN 1 [ON RECORDING]:
I would be more likely to vote.
MAN 2: If the candidate wanted
to take away your right to own a gun,
would you be more or less likely
to vote for them?
MAN 1:
I would be more likely.
MAN 2: If a candidate
had a homosexual affair,
would you be more or less likely
to vote for her?
"Vote for her"? For her.
You've gotta be kidding me.
How can Makers stand up and say that
he wants to run a positive campaign
and then start this
push-polling shit?
Well, to be fair, when he said that,
he was up by 20 points.
Ali, get me the guy who posted this.
I want a list of all their questions.
On it.
- KJ! KJ!
KJ: Yeah?
Did you finish that attack ad
that you pitched me?
Yeah, we've got the visuals
and the script. We just need a V.O.
- Do it.
- Okay.
- Daddy!
- Daddy!
Hi, you guys, hi.
What are you doing here?
Climb up on me, Charlotte, wow.
What are you doing here?
We were going to go
to the farmers' market today.
- I'm sorry, you guys, I forgot.
ELLA: Do we get treats?
You get so many treats
if Mommy deems it--
- You get some treats.
- I'm sorry. It's crazy here right now.
- I heard Makers' radio spots. Brutal.
TAK: Yeah.
- We're gonna hit him back hard.
SARAH: Good.
ALI:
Tak, I got the guy from Oshkosh.
I can't go to the market, but I could
go to the park across the street.
- They'd like that. Yeah?
CHARLOTTE: Yeah.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
- All right. I'll call him back.
SARAH: Let's go.
TAK: All right, you guys.
We gotta hold our breath.
Through the door, ready?
One, two, three.
[TAK INHALES]
We just made it, all right.
BEN:
Sorry, I couldn't find any box.
LINDSEY: That's so frustrating.
- Hey, earlier you mentioned a guy--
JORDAN:
Before I forget.
I got a stand-up show tonight.
Electric Earth Cafe.
- Headlining, so
- Where did you get this paper, Jordan?
From the copy room.
This is the paper I ordered special
for the nurses' union dinner.
- Okay. It's just paper, I'll get you more.
- It's not.
It's got their union logo
embossed on it.
- Which is now underneath your face.
- Weird. Heh, heh, heh.
How much did you use?
- I mean, it's a pretty big deal, so
LINDSEY: Yeah.
- So you used the whole box?
- Yeah.
A thousand flyers
you printed to your show?
That's all I had!
Great. This is the first real job Tak's
given me and now it's all messed up.
Lindsey, let's order another box.
I can't. It's from Pink Pony in Chicago
and it took two days to ship here.
And I'm supposed to have samples on
this paper for tomorrow's rep meeting.
Thank you, Jordan.
Wow.
You think she had breakfast
this morning?
TAK:
You think they know?
SARAH: Well, Ella asked me why you slept
in the playroom when you visited.
She said, "Are you mad at Daddy?"
TAK: Did you talk to a lawyer yet?
- No.
But Jenny gave me a number.
Jenny gave you a number.
Yep. A number.
You know, Jenny and Scott
were a lot worse off than us, Sarah.
Let's see how the primary goes, okay?
I could be unemployed in two weeks.
- I'll skip a cycle.
- And do what?
I don't know.
Be home, take the kids to school,
feed the dog.
We don't have a dog.
- We don't?
- Mm-mm.
Sorry, different family.
I have one in every time zone,
so it gets really confusing.
Oh, okay. Heh, heh, heh.
Tak,
I would love that.
You guys wanna stay overnight?
I could get you a room at the hotel.
I've got, like, a lot of pull.
Would you come by?
Yeah.
We get done around 8.
The kids will be asleep,
but you can still come by.
[GIRLS LAUGHING]
Thank you.
Yo, did you talk to Samuels
about the press conference?
Uh, no, I was dealing with a thing.
- Okay. When does she get back?
- Four.
George is supposed to get back
from Fitchburg before then.
- Caesar can drive?
- No, had one of the interns take him.
Hey, here's the spot.
I talked to Kim
about the nurses' union,
- and it's down to just us and Rudy.
- Great.
Hey, how much would it be
to play a spot during Leno tonight?
Day of? Two thousand per break.
Okay.
- Thanks for the rush.
- You got a sec?
Yeah. Sure.
Me go write word on paper.
[TAK CHUCKLES]
Oh, closed-door meeting.
Okay.
If this is about you and Cole dating,
I'm cool with it.
Thanks for permission,
but that's none of your business.
- It sort of is.
- It sort of isn't.
Sort of is.
I got a call
from the Ebner campaign.
They want me to be
campaign manager in Ohio.
- Odd.
- It's a big media market.
They've got a lot of money
and they want to spend it.
Why are they raiding
our campaign?
Tak, it's not about you.
- You don't think I can do it.
- It's not that.
It just doesn't make sense.
You know,
we rise 20 points in four weeks,
and then suddenly people
want to break up the team.
- I think I'm gonna take it.
- It's a mistake. You won't win.
- You don't know that.
- Yes, I do.
Ebner is a lightweight
with $100 million.
When dumb people
make that kind of money
it's because they're stealing it.
- Besides, you have a contract here.
- Yeah, you can let me out of it.
Not for him. You'll thank me later.
- You're joking, right?
- Nope.
Well, because it would be great
to have your support.
You know what else is great?
Teeter-totters.
Right? They're like the scales
of justice for fat kids. Right?
Like Libra rising? I don't think so.
Hey, fat kid. Hold the whipped cream.
Hello?
- Weird.
- Is that in your act?
- No. Maybe. Do you like it?
- Genius.
Have you seen Ben? I can't find him.
I was gonna take him to the show.
- I haven't seen him.
- I could use a ride.
LINDSEY:
You have a car.
Well, yeah, but a lady
should never arrive unescorted.
I'm driving Ali. Right, Ali?
Right, because I was going to,
on my night off,
come watch you do stand-up,
and now I have a ride.
Thanks, Lindsey. I owe you.
- Oh, I don't mind.
- No, really. I owe you.
Is there something with, like,
Dr. Who's on first?
WOMAN [ON PHONE]: Makers campaign,
how can I direct your call?
Corboy, please.
- Who's calling?
- Matt Drudge.
CORBOY: Hello?
- Corboy, it's Tak.
- Okay, what's with the games, dude?
- What's with the games?
You got your phone-bank vendors
push-polling my candidate up north.
Tak, you sure you're feeling okay?
You're freaking out.
- You wanna play dirty in a primary?
- Couple things, Tick-Tak.
First, I don't know
what you're talking about.
And second,
you're a fly that needs to go away.
This is how you win,
calling my candidate a lesbian? Really?
Didn't you have a commercial
showing a black congressman
- who only dated white women?
- I tried to pull that and you know it.
It was your spot
and you know it, okay?
Scoreboard.
Listen up!
We're doing a flash drive.
I want every single person
working the phone banks.
We are 9 grand away
from a half a mil this quarter
and we need money.
We hit half a mil and I buy everyone
beers at Electric Earth tonight.
I mean everyone a beer.
Great, let's get to work.
- I watched the spot.
- Okay.
- It's perfect.
- Thank you.
I just wanna run it as many times
as possible during Leno tonight.
- Why?
- It's the only show Makers watches.
We used to have to cut meetings short
so he could watch the monologue.
- Heh. Of course he watches Leno.
- Yep.
They want a fight,
let's get in the ring.
- Okay. I'll call Cindy at NBC.
- Great. Hey, um
About the Ohio job.
If you want it, you should take it
because you will be great at it.
Thank you.
I just-- I'd hate to lose you.
Because I feel like we have a real shot
at beating this asshole.
We do.
Linds? Who drove George today?
- I think it was Gantz.
- Do you have a number for him?
LINDSEY:
Yeah.
There.
Gantz. It's Tak.
Listen, don't say anything.
I need you to get lost with George
for an hour.
Yeah, I'm serious.
Look, do not bring George back here
until he literally
grabs the wheel from you, okay?
All right. Goodbye.
Cindy said 9 grand will get you
two spots per break for the entire show
and she'll bump a Makers spot
to Fallon.
Perfect. Samuels gets here when?
- About an hour, so does George.
- Maybe not.
If we want things to change we have
to change the people we want.
This is as grassroots as it gets.
A hundred dollars,
that would be amazing.
Samuels is a breath of fresh air.
Mm-hm. You can read all about her views
What you want is change,
but what you need
is someone to make those changes.
She's not afraid to stand up
for what she believes in.
JORDAN: Every little bit helps.
You know what else would help
is if Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
came in actual cups.
Not a good time? Okay.
All right, well, I hope you find your dog.
TAK: Double it.
- Thank you so much.
TAK: Talk to her about Makers.
- Mary, hi, this is Deirdre Samuels.
Follow her Twitter feed,
she'll tweet all about-- "What's Twitter?"
Yes, absolutely. Jobs in Wisconsin.
That's why we're here.
Hi, David. This is Deirdre Samuels.
- Thank you. That's very generous.
- The more money we have,
- the more change we make.
ALI: Can I talk to your mommy?
One of them can fly.
No, Batman can glide. He cannot fly.
ALI:
Yeah, so 50 bucks? Seventy-five?
Awesome. Thank you.
Well, you can give up to 2,500.
Thank you so much, ma'am.
Thank you so much.
TAK:
Twenty-five dollars is also great.
Yes, can I get you to do 1,000?
You know I need it. Thank you so much.
Oh, would you like
to do the honors on that one?
- Oh, my God. Yes.
TAK: Ladies and gentlemen
[BELL RINGING AND ALL CHEERING]
we did it!
Good job, everybody.
Really great job, everybody.
- Yes.
TAK: Really great job.
- Yes.
TAK: Good job.
Unh! What'd you think?
That was amazing. I love that--
GEORGE: Told you that was the way.
SAMUELS: The energy.
GEORGE:
Hey, honey, I'm sorry I'm late.
This knucklehead started
driving to Milwaukee.
- What'd I'd miss?
- It was amazing.
We did a flash drive
for 11,000 in two hours.
Wow, that's great.
We should do that every day.
Well, it helped that she was here.
How was golf?
Great. We got 20 grand. Golf sucks,
but that's where the money is.
Say, we ready
for the press conference?
TAK: Lindsey, are we ready
for the press conference?
All of the affiliates passed.
So did the Journal.
I have a maybe
from a free newspaper.
What's going on here, Tak?
TAK:
I, uh
Honey, it's old news.
Let's not push the press conference.
Yeah. You sure?
- This is Jordan's big night.
- Where is Jordan?
He's doing his set
for the water-cooler guy.
It's like the scales of justice
for fat kids, you know?
Jordan.
- You're welcome, Tak.
- Trust me, it's the better move.
Oh, I don't wanna do a press
conference. Let's get a drink.
Yes, let's get a drink.
Let's all get a drink!
JORDAN: It's plastic.
Push, the wall Magneto. It'll break.
Unless, unless, they've been using
that stuff they wrap CDs in,
because that's just
impossible, right?
That's actually how
Houdini died, yeah.
No, they wrapped him up
in a Lady Gaga CD.
[CROWD LAUGHING]
Boom, hold the whipped cream.
Hey, do you think
I could get a copy of this?
There's a couple of mamacitas
around here I'd love to show this to.
COLE:
You're, like, shaking, it's pathetic.
Yo, how's he doing?
It's crazy. He's killing.
COLE: Yes!
KJ: Crap.
TAK: Most of his stuff
is about comic books and food.
- The crowd is in nerd heaven.
COLE: Yes.
Did you know that great comedy
makes KJ horny?
I did not. Wow.
- I hate both of you.
COLE: True story.
I'm gonna go get us some seats.
I talked to Kim at the nurses' union.
We got the endorsement.
- Nice.
- I'm not taking the job in Ohio.
I wanna stay with the team.
- I wanna kick Makers' ass.
- Me too.
But the accents are so indecipherable,
I think you should call it--
I think you should call it Dr. What?
[CROWD LAUGHING]
- Ben. Hey, are you okay?
- Yeah. I'm fine.
Why aren't you wearing your coat?
Because I had to cover this.
- You went to Pink Pony?
- Yeah.
- In Chicago?
- Yeah.
- You don't have a car, Ben.
- Yeah, I--
I took a bus down there.
And the buses stopped running at 5,
so I had to thumb it back.
I met a lot of really nice people.
- That's the nicest thing.
- Maybe.
JORDAN: Did we not learn math before
we started working at McDonald's?
LINDSEY: We should get these
back to the office.
I guess so.
No, don't worry about it.
I'll take it. You guys enjoy the show.
LINDSEY: Thanks.
- Who's Michael?
Michael, my brother?
He lives in Door County.
You guys would totally get along.
I love him already.
And I realized the Smurfs
are a metaphor for communism. Boom!
SARAH: What happened?
- Oh.
- Where were you?
- Oh, my God. Sarah.
I waited.
- Sarah, I'm--
- You forgot.
I'm so sorry.
I waited for one hour,
and then two hours, and three hours.
- Sarah, I'm so sorry.
- No.
- Honey, I am so sorry.
- No. God, I don't want you to talk.
- I want you to listen to me.
- Sarah.
I get that this is your job and that
you love it and that you have to work.
- But this isn't work, Tak.
- No, Sarah. This is work.
No. Why do you spend every minute
of your life with these people?
Sarah, because that's what it takes.
That's what it takes,
is every minute of my life.
That's what a family takes.
A family takes commitment
and love and loyalty and time.
I'm (bleep) trying.
This is what I have to do.
Sarah, I would love to be at home
with you and the kids.
- I would love that!
- I don't believe you.
- I would love that!
- I don't believe you.
Sarah. Sarah.
ANNOUNCER: Last year Senator Makers
missed over 50 percent of the vote
on the floor of the Senate.
BOY:
Grandpa?
ANNOUNCER:
The Washington press voted him
least likely to be found in his office.
BOY:
Grandpa?
ANNOUNCER: And Senator Makers
doesn't even own a home in Wisconsin.
BOY:
Grandpa?
ANNOUNCER: So the question really is:
Where is Senator Makers?
I'm Deirdre Samuels
and I approve this message.