Baywatch (1989) s01e16 Episode Script

1 - Some people stand in the darkness afraid to step into the light some people need to help somebody when the edge of surrender's in sight don't you worry it's gonna be all right 'cause I'm always ready I won't let you out of my sight I'll be ready I'll be ready never you fear no, don't you fear I'll be ready forever and always I'm always here 'Cause I'm always ready I won't let you out of my sight I'll be ready I'll be ready never you fear no, don't you fear I'll be ready forever and always I'm always here -Court? -Yeah.
I wonder what her name is.
-Yeah! Yo! Court! Come on, come on, come on.
Court! -Hang on! Court! Got you.
-You bet.
Hey, court! -Oops.
-Damnit, Cort, you're a lifeguard.
Wanna play the game, you live by the rules.
-Oh, Mitch, they drive you crazy with all these rules.
I mean, parasailing-- parasailing is a gas.
-Reckless endangerment.
Too close to the shore.
-There weren't any swimmers.
Besides, this girl's a pro.
She's-- she's very comfortable in the air.
A stewardess for pacific west.
-Meeting is over.
I don't the time or the stomach for your sarcasm.
-You're taking this awful hard, aren't you, big guy? -Maybe that's because I just spent the last half hour on the phone covering for your stupid stunt.
Thank you.
I told Thorpe that you and I were working on ways of improving water parasailing recovery techniques for Mexican resort lifeguards.
-Mexican resort lifeguards? -He's expecting a report in his office by this afternoon.
-Well, don't let me stop you, all right? Don't let me get in your way.
And, Mitch, I owe you one.
You really mean that? -Oh, yeah.
-Good, while I'm spending the greater part of the afternoon composing this bogus report, you can take care of this for me.
-No.
Gotta love a man who pays his debts.
We got an assignment from Mitch.
-We? Raging waters theme park? Cort, why would we wanna go there for? -Hey, Mitch wanted to send you there all by your lonesome to train their summer lifeguards.
I said, "no way am I gonna let Eddie do that kind of grunt detail on his own.
" It's you and me pal.
-Okay, try it now.
Hello? Turn it on.
-It is on, dad.
-Oh.
-Dad.
-Don't worry, I'm gonna fix before the field trip.
-And the baywatch helicopter? -The baywatch helicopter is not broken.
-Good, so you can take the kids for a ride in it.
-Forget it.
-But you said-- -i said "no rides in the helicopter.
" -Oh, yeah And the baywatch rescue boat? -If it's not out on patrol.
-Great.
What we're gonna do, hand out binoculars and let everybody watch the water? -Hey, you volunteered me for this duty.
What did you think you were gonna do? I don't know, just everybody's expecting a lot.
-And why is that? -Because I'm always telling them about the cool stuff you do.
-Hobie, the idea of these field trips isn't about the "cool stuff" we do.
It's about seeing how different kids' parents make a living.
It doesn't have to be exciting.
-Tell me about it.
Last week we went to Joey's dad's accounting firm.
All we did was look at slides of graphs and talk about tax shelters.
It was really lame.
-Accounting can be interesting if you give it a chance.
-The kids were laughing at Joey all week.
Look, I promise I'll try and make baywatch exciting, but the important thing is that the kids see see what we do here and how things work, okay? -Okay.
But no slides? -No slides.
I promise.
Try it.
-Now that's more like it.
-Okay, come here.
No, no, no, no! No! Hey, hey, it's okay.
It's okay, it's okay.
It's all right.
Stop.
Oh, oh, oh.
-How long do you expect me to hold my breath? -Tad, the idea here is, Eddie's the victim, you're the lifeguard.
You save him, don't kill him.
-Right, I'm sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
Okay, okay.
-All right, who's next? -Me.
-Okay.
Great.
Go! That's real nice technique there, Sarah.
That's--that's real good.
-Yeah, yeah, uh, there are a few things that you do first before applying mouth-to-mouth.
Yeah, let's take a break, everybody.
-Sorry, if I embarrassed you.
-Don't worry about it.
Things happen when your adrenalin starts to flow.
-It sure does.
-Yeah.
-Eddie.
-Oh, I'll see you later, right? -Yeah.
So you got the hots for the lifeguard now? -Tad, get out of here.
-Look, i-- -stop it.
-I just wanna talk to you, okay? -I don't.
I don't wanna have anything to do with you, okay? -You wanted to see me, captain Thorpe? -No, McClain, I surely did not.
-But I just talked to Jill, and she-- -what I meant was, when I picked up the new sportsweek magazine calendar, I didn't want to see you as miss march.
-How did they get this? -My first guess would be with a camera.
-But I didn't-- -degrade your entire profession by posing in front of a baywatch tower in your regulation suit? -They can't do this.
-Neither can you, McClain.
Regulations demand that lifeguards project an image of professional responsibility at all times, on or off the job.
-But I didn't know.
-Know what? That you were posing for a cheesecake pin-up? -Captain Thorpe, I didn't pose for this.
-McClain, if that's not a pose, I don't know what is.
-Well, I'll talk to Craig.
He's a lawyer.
-Good thinking.
You can use one at your disciplinary hearing.
-Disciplinary hearing? -Next week.
But if I were you, McClain, I would spend the time in between looking for a new job.
Dismissed.
-Hey, listen up.
The course starts here, with the rapids, all right? Now, when you get to the bottom, it's up the dropout, over to the speed slides and down the Bermuda triangle.
-If we see you doing anything dangerous -Or taking any creative shortcuts, you're automatically disqualified, all right? -Top ten scores will move to an advanced training schedule.
Those of you who graduate will start your jobs here bright and early Monday morning.
Are you guys ready? Yeah! -Okay, now, on your marks, get set Go! - Everybody ready? What the water means to me right, isn't this fun? Come on, let's do this yeah, baby Everybody ready? You might say that I'm insane but I'm determined to play this game even if I look a little scared I'm gonna do this on a wing and a prayer gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, go, go, go I'm splishing and splashing I'm having' a blast slipping and sliding it's such a gas faster, faster at the speed of sound I'm slipping and sliding with all my friends around and there's nothing' in this world that I'd rather do than slipping and sliding and getting wet with you! Oh, no, here I go again just trying to impress my friends I hope everything comes out alright I'm gonna close my eyes and I'm gonna hold on tight I gotta go, go, go, go, go, go I'm splishing and splashing I'm having a blast slipping and sliding it's such a gas faster, faster at the speed of sound I'm slipping and sliding with all my friends around and there's nothing in this world that I'd rather do than slipping and sliding and getting wet with you! Splishing, splashing slipping and sliding splishing, splashing I just wanna get wet with you I'm splishing and splashing I'm having a blast slipping and sliding it's such a gas faster, faster at the speed of sound I'm slipping and sliding with all my friends around and there's nothing in this world that I'd rather do than slipping and sliding and getting wet with you -All right, did I make it? Did I? -No, but you gave it your best shot.
Why don't you grab a towel and a corn dog and maybe we'll see you back next year? -Whoa, whoa.
I was pushed.
Did you see that? I was pushed before.
I want another chance, okay? -I'm sorry, tad.
-What, are you stupid? I was pushed.
-I'm sorry.
No video cameras.
No instant replays, all right? We'll be talking to you.
-Make sure the weekend tower assignments are signed off.
I don't want any surprises come Friday night.
And do me a favor, check with the garage.
They promised that my unit would be tuned up and washed.
-Yeah? It's for you.
It's Hobie's teacher.
Can you hold one moment, please? He'll be right with you.
-Come on.
Hello? -Mr.
Buchannon, I'm glad I caught you.
Me too.
Listen, Ms.
Keller, I was thinking about splitting the class up into two groups, you know? Some could go into lifeguard tower, you know, get first-hand experience.
-Well, that sounds very interesting, but I'm afraid that I have to cancel the field trip.
-Cancel? -We had such overwhelming response from the parents that I'm afraid I just don't have time for all the trips.
-Oh, I see.
I'm really very sorry, Mr.
Buchannon.
-No, no, no, I understand.
You ran out of time.
Thank you.
And I'll explain it to Hobie.
-Yeah, well, I appreciate that.
-Oh, by the way, it was good seeing you at the pta meeting last week.
-Yeah, thanks.
Call me if you get a chance to reschedule.
-I will.
Bye.
-Got any use for 27 souvenir life preservers? -The point of impact is the most important thing to keep your eye on, okay? If the rider doesn't pop on their own, slip your arm around their waist and prop them up on your hip.
-Right.
-You got that? What do you know about saving lives? -Excuse me? -Your red trunks and your whistle won't help.
That won't keep them alive.
With all the drugs and the booze, who knows what's going on in their heads? You hear me? If they wanna die, they'll find way, they'll get past you, they'll outsmart you.
And there's nothing you can to do about it.
-What was that all about? -Beats me.
Yeah! -How long do you think it'll take? -A day, maybe two, Mr.
Hollis.
-Oh, we'll start a riot if drop out is out of commission that long.
This is our most popular ride.
Have it back up to speed by the end of the day.
-So this has ever happened before? -No one's ever taken a hammer to us before, but when you're dealing with teenagers, you have to expect this kind of thing.
-What kind of thing is that? -Vandalism.
Some kids don't need an excuse for it.
They just do it to impress their friends.
-And if it's not the kids having fun You got any other ideas? -No.
We spend a lot of time and money trying to maintain a good relationship with this community.
-Yeah, well, from the looks of all this stuff, you're not getting through to everybody.
-Yes, yes, I understand.
But do you understand that if this isn't resolved, we'll take it to arbitration, and you could be responsible for all court costs and damages? Right, okay, fine.
-Can you do anything? -Of course he will.
He has to.
-Shauni, they said you signed a release when the picture was taken.
-Why would I do that? -Do you remember someone taking your picture on labor day weekend? -People take my picture all the time.
I mean, like tourists and stuff on the beach, but never-- -sleazy male chauvinist with a 250 mm lens strapped around his sexist pig-like neck? -Gina, please, you're not helping.
-Wait a minute.
There was this guy.
He had me sign some form.
He said it was for his college photography class.
-Obviously he wasn't majoring in ethics.
I think you got had.
-It's okay, Shauni, this could've happened to anybody.
-I can't believe this.
And he was so nice, he was dressed well and polite.
-Yeah, they're always dressed well.
-Look, it's gonna be okay.
I'll talk to captain Thorpe.
I'll explain all this to him, and you'll be back on duty tomorrow.
-Thanks, Craig.
-It's gonna be okay.
-Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna pay big money to see this.
John d.
Cort, Navy seal, explosives specialist, man about the world.
Now in his most daring mission, water slide specialist.
-Are you about done? -Oh, I just got started.
No, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
How's it done? How's it done? Feet first? Face first? What's the proper way to survive a water slide? What's the deal? You're having trouble keeping track of the days of the week? What're you so mad about? -Just what a guy wants to see.
A picture of his girl pasted everywhere.
-Well, it's not like she's in the buff.
-Not up here? What? When a guy looks at this picture, what do you think he sees? -Well, a-- a good looking lady in a bathing suit.
-No, he doesn't see a bathing suit.
He sees what he wants to see.
You know what I mean? I think you do.
And I don't like it one bit, especially since they tricked her to get the damn picture.
-What are you gonna do, take down every calendar they ever made? -Watch me.
-Huh? And it's 83-64.
And it looks as though he has this one wrapped up at five and half minutes to go.
-Oh, don't do that, you're gonna jinx him.
Hey, Hobie, come on down here and listen to this.
Hello? Oh, hi, Ms.
Keller.
No, no, I didn't know that.
Yes, I'm surprised, too.
Martin and DeMarco will wait.
They'll drive to the baseline.
We'll be there.
No, that's fine.
We'll be there.
Thank you.
Hey, Hobie, come down here for a second, will you? I just got off the phone with your teacher.
So what were you fighting about? -It was no big deal, dad.
Jimmy markowitz just has a big mouth.
-Is that right? -In a big way.
You know how that can get on a guy's nerves.
-So what did he say? -Well, he said-- it's not important.
-It's not important? Well, it's important enough to get you grounded.
-What? -Yeah.
No TV and no video games.
-For how long? -That depends on our meeting with Ms.
Keller.
-Okay, first we're gonna show you what could happen if you gain too much speed and lose control on the slide.
-That could be a little frightening, especially if you're a kid and you get turned around or ride up on the edge.
So the key thing is to watch each person as they go down.
Eddie, I believe you lost the toss.
-Yeah, all right.
I'm gonna show you what you don't want to do, all right? All right, you don't wanna get to where you turn around like this because it could be dangerous! All right, send another one down! -I want each of you to get a feel for just what type of speed you can take up going down this thing.
As Eddie so happily demonstrated, things can get a little out of hand.
He'll be there at the bottom in case any of you have any problems.
So, volunteers? -I'll go.
-Sandy.
There you go.
Oh, my gosh.
-Okay, Sarah, you're next.
So any last words? -Does Eddie have a girlfriend? -No comment.
Off you go.
Come on, I don't know.
-Hang on, Sarah, I'm coming! -Help! Help! Help! Help me! Help me! Help me! Somebody! Help! Oh, help me! -Hold on, I'm coming.
I'm almost to you.
-Help me! Eddie! Eddie, help! Hang on! -I can't, I'm losing my grip.
-Hang on.
Hang on! Give me your hand.
-I can't! -It's okay, I got you.
-Are you all right? This is definitely getting out of hand.
It was scary, really upsetting.
Yeah, well, I got something here that might help.
I got, uh-- I've been keeping this for a while.
I can't find it.
Oh, here, here.
This is the guy? -Yeah, that's him.
Walked up to me by the speed slide and started ranting.
Yeah, it figures.
Joe Madden.
So what's his problem? His son committed suicide.
17 years old.
Was that here? -Yeah.
The sled tower.
It was Huh.
A year ago this week.
-Well, that explains a thing or two.
-Are you sure it was suicide? -No doubt about it.
He just stood there, surveyed the entire park.
And he jumped off the back side of the platform.
We tried to stop him.
-So this Madden, he blames the park? I guess when you lose your son, you just blame whoever you can find.
-Well, I think we can do something here to slow this Mr.
Madden down.
But with your permission, I'd like to bring in this officer to work under cover with us.
-Sounds reasonable.
-I am not going out there like this.
I'm a cop, not one of your golden boys.
-Don't look at me, pal.
You got your orders from downtown.
-The things I have to put up with -Nice.
Very, very nice.
I think you're gonna blend right in.
-A little snug, don't you think? -Yeah, yeah.
I think you're right, it is a little tight.
Tell you what, I'll dig around and see if I can find something more on your size.
-Well, thanks a lot.
Going undercover at a water park.
This is embarrassing.
-Are you kidding? All you've been doing is barking about how you miss real cop work.
You got a stake out here, man.
Get into it.
Have fun with it.
-Yeah, I guess.
-Besides, I think red's your color.
-Mm.
It's gonna be fine.
-Do you think he'll understand? -He's a reasonable man.
We got a shot.
Captain.
Then again, maybe not.
-Yes? -Excuse me.
This situation isn't as clear cut as it looks.
-Pomeroy, that photo looks very clear to me.
And I'm sure to prove equally as clear to the disciplinary board.
-But I was tricked.
-It could happen to anybody.
-See, there was this guy, and he had this photography class-- -McClain, please.
I wasn't born yesterday.
I suppose you just save your story for the hearing.
I'm sure it'll prove very entertaining.
Thank you.
-Please give me a chance to explain.
-That's what the hearing is for.
I'll see you there.
-But-- -Shauni, come on.
Thank you for your time, sir.
-So how long are you going to keep us waiting? I'd like to know.
-Why are you making such a major deal out of this? People get slugged every day.
-And kids get grounded every day.
So where does that leave us? -Jerry's a windbag.
I don't wanna hear that.
I want an explanation, now.
-There's nothing to explain.
-Is what Jerry said so awful that you think it will offend us? -He said that my dad was a beach bum and that all he did was hang out and watch girls.
-That's it? -He said his father met with Ms.
Keller and got her to cancel the field trip.
-Really? -Uh, could we talk for just a minute, Mr.
Buchannan? -Hobie, wait out in the hall, please.
-Uh, Jerry's father was among the parents who were concerned about their children visiting a lifeguard tower.
-What is it? Do you think that lifeguards are inappropriate role models? We laze around all day working on our tans and hanging out and and hitting on girls? You know, it's a shame they'll never get a chance to learn what we really do.
Mr.
Buchannon, I just want you to know that it was not my-- what Hobie did was wrong, and he'll submit to whatever disciplinary action you wanna give him.
Let's just leave it at that.
-Hey, what am I? Am I the invisible man? -I wish.
-You like a lifeguard from baywatch, don't you? -No, I don't.
It's you.
I don't like you.
Well, you weren't saying that a week ago, were you? -I don't like being pawed.
-Oh, no, but you would if it was Eddie, right? -Stop it.
-Hey, what are you doing? -You know, I've known you a few days, and I hate you.
-Thanks, uh He's quite a hothead.
-Yeah, I can see that.
Don't worry about him.
Come on.
-Gentlemen.
We are here today to consider appropriate disciplinary action against the young woman before you, miss Shauni McClain.
Who also happens to be this same young woman you see posing as it were, in full regalia, before baywatch tower 19, a shame and an embarrassment to each and every one of us who is proud to call himself or herself a lifeguard for the great county of Los Angeles.
-Amazing.
-What? -He got that all out in one breath.
-Mr.
Pomeroy, do you have something to say? -As a matter of fact, I'd like to remind you of an American tradition called presumed innocence.
-Mr.
Pomeroy, what she did is a fact.
There's no need to discuss her guilt or innocence.
We're here to decide whether or not to fire her.
-Captain Thorpe, you have no idea how much this job means to me.
-And we're perfectly willing to accept whatever punishment this disciplinary committee decides is appropriate.
-We are? -As long as we have your assurance that Shauni won't be treated any differently than anybody else under similar circumstances.
-When have I ever been less than evenhanded? I may be strict, but I am always fair.
Any lifeguard who shows up on a calendar will get the boot just as fast.
-Mm Very clever, Mr.
Pomeroy.
You sneak the photo with a long lens? -500 mm.
-All right, I agree.
It is one thing to get photographed unwillingly.
But it's an entirely different matter to then sign a release.
-Mm.
Is that your signature? -"Permission to publish.
" -The next time you sign for delivery, you should read what you're signing.
-You've made your point, Mr.
Pomeroy.
And it's a good one.
-Does this mean I get to keep my job, sir? -Yes, miss McClain.
-Thank you, gentlemen.
-Thank you.
-Pomeroy I don't like being tricked.
-I understand.
And neither did Shauni.
-Do you mind if i-- -you look buff.
-Yeah.
-Thank you so much, Craig.
-Oh.
That's for you.
-What's this? A thousand dollars from sportsweek magazine? -It's their standard fee for calendar models.
They said they forgot to send it to you.
-Great.
I am gonna buy every calendar I can get my hands on.
-You'll make a bonfire? -No.
I'm gonna send them to all my friends.
-I got a good sense about this.
-Thanks, I hope so.
-Where's your radio, Cort? -It's up top.
-A lot of good it's gonna do you up there.
-Look, if Mr.
Madden does show up, you will handle this discreetly, won't you? -Yes.
-Thank you.
-You got that? You can spell discreet, right? -You have any maintenance people working up the sled ride? -No.
-You sure about that? -The sled's closed.
There's no reason for anybody to be there.
-He's Madden.
-This is garner.
Suspect sighted at the sled tower.
That's where his kid jumped from.
-Go away.
-Your name's Madden, right? I heard about your kid.
I'm sorry.
Wanna talk about it? -What a guy like you would know about it, anyway? -Probably nothing.
That stunt you pulled on the speed slide.
That wasn't cool, man.
Not cool at all.
What were you trying to do, take someone else's kid away, too? -What are you talking about? -We know all about it.
I mean.
The loosened bolts, the bottom dropping out.
-Look, I'm just another park visitor.
I don't even know why I came back here, except that it's kind of a big anniversary for me.
.
My boy took his life here.
And when I lost him, I lost everything.
His mother used to try to talk to him.
He wouldn't take anything from her.
There was no getting through to him.
I wasn't going to let him make a fool of me.
What for? Because he's my son? He owed me plenty, don't you think? I said, "forget, you're not putting me through a ringer.
" I really showed the kid.
Didn't I? -Don't even think about it, man.
-Yeah, why not? -I'm a lot quicker than you are.
-Look, I never touched your speed slide.
-You don't blame the park for what happened to your kid? No, I don't.
If he hadn't jumped here, he would've jumped off a freeway overpass.
He would've od'd, he would've wrapped his car around a tree.
My boy was determined to kill himself.
And there wasn't anything anybody could do to stop him.
-Yeah, that stuff holds a lot.
-Oh, I hope I haven't come at a bad time? -Excuse me.
What's up? -I know why Hobie acted the way he did.
It was really very noble of him, standing up for you like that.
-Ms.
Keller-- Amanda.
-Amanda.
I've been dealing with a certain stereotyping all my professional life.
I'm sorry Hobie got teased about it, but I'm even sorrier he took it out on another kid.
I wanna to make it up to you.
I want another chance to bring Hobie's class here.
-Oh.
Well, what about the other parents? I mean, the ones who objected the baywatch in the first place? -Well, I'll invite them along so they can see for themselves if that's all right with you.
-We'll have to talk about that one.
-Over dinner? -Yeah.
Yeah, dinner will be fine.
Stop it, tad! No, no, no.
-He did it.
He did everything.
The pump, the slide.
He's the one.
-Hey.
-Cort, come on.
Tad's our guy.
-Come at him from the top! Oh.
-Damn.
-Him? -Yeah, him.
-I just love reading people their rights.
Come on, fella, come on.
-Great job, garner.
-Thank you.
-Thanks, Tommy.
-This is a great table.
You must be a good customer here.
-Actually, Tommy's one of my lifeguards.
He gives me a good table, I give him a good tower.
-You know, I hope you don't think I was too forward.
I just wanted to get a chance to-- to get to know you.
-No, actually, I thought that was kind of sweet.
-Today, I'm not your son's teacher.
-And today I'm not the parent of the kid with the most feared left hook in the seventh grade.
Do me a favor.
I'll be right back.
Pick a nice wine, something dry.
Bring us a bottle of the Newton cellars chardonnay, please.
-Did you order the wine yet? Good.
What did you decide on? -A chardonnay.
Is that all right? -A chardonnay? Perfect.