Becker s04e15 Episode Script

It Had to Be Ew

1 Reg-- tuna melt, please.
Coming right up.
I'm sure it will be.
Wow, is it lunchtime already? That means I've been sitting here Doing nothing for two whole hours.
You've been sitting here doing nothing For two whole years.
Hey, jake, While I'm heating up a can, Do you want a tuna melt? No, thanks.
Amanda and I Are meeting for lunch.
Oh, how is amanda? She hasn't been around for a while.
Well, she hasn't had time.
She got a great new job at a record company.
Oh, good for her.
Yeah, good for us.
We haven't had to watch you run your hands all over her Like she was written in braille.
Yeah, all that fondling and groping.
I miss amanda.
Jake: Oh, yeah, since the annulment, We've been getting along great.
You know, we're still living together, But now we're just dating.
So it's kind of like you're working backwards.
Yes, you've already gotten Married and divorced.
Before you know it, you'll have never even met her.
Hey, everybody.
Jake, I have a surprise for you.
Close your eyes and don't peek.
How about I leave my eyes open and don't peek? Oh, right.
Well, I have tickets for a concert tonight.
Oh, great.
Yeah, we're going to take a limo And we have backstage passes.
Oh, fantastic.
It's for neil diamond! I can't go.
Why not? Uh, I forgot, I have to go To my nana's for dinner tonight.
Oh, can't you go another night? Well, nana doesn't have many nights left.
Neither does neil diamond.
Jake, come on.
This concert is a big deal for me.
I had to beg my boss for an extra ticket.
I can't go alone.
Well, you won't be alone.
You'll be there with neil diamond And 4,000 hearing aids.
Please, please, don't make me do this.
I hate him.
Well, that's what relationships Are all about-- doing things you hate With somebody you love.
Fine, I'll go with someone else.
Okay, amanda, I'd be honored to be your escort.
Oh, that's so sweet.
Reggie, can you go? I would, but, you know, I have my regular Tuesday night Thing.
I get together with a group of people who Also don't want to see neil diamond.
I'll go.
I like neil diamond.
(laughter) Oh, come on.
You know, his old stuff's really good.
It's all old stuff.
Thank you, john.
I will pick you up here at 5:00.
Oh, that sounds good.
That's the last time you'll say that tonight.
Well, great, now you've got Someone to go with, so, so we're okay.
Since I know that you won't do something That you don't like for me, I can think of some things That you like that I won't do for you.
But you like those things, too.
She likes those things.
Oh, becker, remember it's a neil diamond concert, So you're going to want to wear That.
I know I'm late, but my subway got stuck in the tunnel.
Then I couldn't get a cab, so I had to walk 47 blocks.
You overslept? Well, excuse me for trying to dress it up a little.
Margaret, I'm not that late.
You didn't have to replace me.
I'll work harder, I'll come in earlier.
Linda, that's judy.
She's only here temporarily to help with the books.
Oh, just a temp? About that working harder stuff Never mind.
Hi, judy, nice to meet you.
I'm linda.
Oh, nice to meet you, too.
If you have any questions at all, Just ask me or margaret.
Well, actually, I did have a question.
What does this code mean? Uh, that's a margaret question.
Oh, um, okay, what about these numbers in green? Sorry, margaret question.
So, what exactly do you do here? Again, a margaret question.
I'm leaving early tonight.
I'm going to a neil diamond concert.
Wow, neil diamond's cool.
Really? You think so? Sure.
He's not like that neil young guy.
You know, that old fart who wears the rhinestone jumpsuits And sings those cheesy love songs? Right, right, right.
Neil, neil young-- hate him.
Okay, john, mr.
Sarney's vital signs are fine.
He's got his prescriptions.
Oh, good.
Well, you know, with a little bit of luck, We'll be able to squeeze a few more years Out of that colon of yours.
See you at the concert.
(all laughing) Hey, reg.
Coffee, please.
So, how was neil diamond? When the show was over, Did all the ladies throw their teeth on stage? Yeah, was anybody in the audience Able to give him a standing ovation? All right, all right, all right.
So I saw neil diamond.
Leave me alone, will you? It was no big deal.
There he is-- The man of the hour.
Oh, finally, you're talking to me.
Not you-- john.
Did he tell you guys how he got up on stage last night? He pulled you on stage? Oh Did he sing to you? Come on.
(laughter) He did not sing to me.
It turns out his drummer had a little problem.
Incontinence? No, no.
He had a little heart problem, I In the middle of "cracklin' rosie," I sort of had to pound on his chest.
And john saved him.
You guys, it was amazing.
Without you, there wouldn't have been an encore.
Yeah, "coming to america"-- That, that was wonderful, wasn't it? Oh, um, and john, I'm sorry I forgot to bring them, But I'll be home tonight if you want to stop by And pick up all your concert goodies.
"concert goodies"? Yeah, Ne-ne-never mind, th-that's all right.
Oh, yeah, he bought this signed t-shirt And a mug and a satin jacket And this heart-like key chain and I know what I got, all right? I'll try to pick 'em up, thanks.
Okay, great, well, I'll see you later.
All right.
Oh, and john, I want you to know How proud I was to be with you last night.
(murmuring) Amanda, um, about not going To the concert last night-- I'd like to think That you and I have the kind of relationship Where you won't torture me over this.
Think what you want.
Come on, amanda, wait up.
Wow, becker.
Amanda was totally hitting on you.
Oh, bob, I think you're just reacting To the fact that someone actually Had a good time with becker.
Hey, you know what? Screw you, reg.
Come on, becker, she couldn't Keep her hands off you.
You're crazy.
Oh, really? She said you were "the man of the hour.
" She said that she was proud to be with you.
And how about the fact that she conveniently Left your souvenirs at her place? She said she forgot them.
Women don't forget anything.
She wants you to come up there, becker.
So what? You know, they live together.
Jake will be there.
Ten to one, jake won't be there.
My guess is, she'll send him away So you two can be alone.
Oh, please, she's not going to send him away.
Then she'll try to get you drunk And have her way with you.
Oh, this is just getting silly.
Look, jake and amanda are a couple.
Think about it, becker.
She hooked up with a newsstand guy after one day.
You're a doctor.
She's obviously looking to trade up.
Where do you get these things? I see movies, I read tabloids.
You might say I have a pornographic memory.
Any messages, linda? On a break here.
Actually, a couple of calls did come in.
Oh? Oh, look at that.
Times, numbers, and names.
That's so much more helpful than "the fat guy called.
" Yeah.
Nice job, judy.
"nice job, judy.
" So, how are you coming along? Fine.
I finished the first two quarters And now I'm working on the third.
Oh, well, don't go too fast now.
We want to hold on to you as long as we can.
You know, margaret, I notice you going Out of your way to pat judy on the back, But how about a little credit for me? After all, if I had even the slightest idea How to do judy's job, you'd have never even met her.
So I think the words You're looking for are "thank you.
" Oh, those aren't the words I'm looking for.
(knocking) Oh, hi, john, come in.
Hi, I'm just here to pick up my concert stuff.
Hey, jake! Oh, jake's not here.
He's not? No, I asked him to go pick something up for me.
So So you sent him away? It's just the two of us? Yeah.
I was about to have a glass of wine.
You want some? Wine, huh? Uh I, you know, I probably shouldn't.
Let me just get my stuff and I'll, and I'll go.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, what's the rush? I mean, with all the excitement last night, We hardly got a chance to talk.
Come on, don't make me drink alone.
I'll go get you a glass.
You know, everyone at work could not Stop talking about how great you were last night.
The way you just rushed up on stage and saved that man's life.
It was amazing, it was like something out of a movie.
Well, I'm, I'm a doctor and the guy was in trouble.
That's what I do Is jake, jake's coming back pretty soon? Oh, no, he had to go into the city, So he's going to be gone for hours.
Hey, john, why don't you, uh, why don't you sit down? Not there, silly.
Sit here next to me.
Are, are you all right? You, you look so uncomfortable.
That's how I always look.
Well, um, do, do you want to take your coat off? No, I-I don't think that'd be wise.
Well, here's to a great night last night.
(sighs) You know, I'm so glad that we finally got A chance to spend some time together.
'cause I-I really feel like I've gotten To know you better, and it's nice.
Okay, all right, amanda, this is just wrong.
What are you talking about? I, I know you're attracted to me.
Attracted to you? Me? Ew.
So, so you're not? No.
Oh, well, th-- that's great, I'm (laughs) Yeah, can you imagine how uncomfortable that would be? Yeah, really.
I'll just go get your stuff.
All right, that's great, great, great (laughing) "ew"? Hey, jake.
Hey, john, I'm sorry I missed you last night.
Oh, so amanda told you I was there, huh? She tell you anything else? Oh, no.
Just said that you came by and got your concert stuff.
So you're fine with that, huh? Yeah, and frankly I'm glad it's out the house.
All right, I'll see you later.
I got to go to the bank.
So bob was right on the money.
What? You and amanda were alone.
Sit, tell me everything.
There's nothing to tell.
I was only there five minutes.
Five minutes? So you stuck around after, huh? Bob, nothing happened, all right? Amanda is not the least bit interested in me.
Are you sure? Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
I asked her, And she was disgusted and repulsed.
They always are at first.
Doesn't mean a thing.
Trust me, my friend.
I think you got a live one.
Do me a favor, will you? Use the word "ew" in a sentence.
You mean like, "ew, I just stepped in something disgusting"? Like that? Yeah, yeah, like that.
Why? Well, bob told me that amanda was interested in me, so I You listened to bob? That was dumb.
Yeah, I just wanted to find out if he was wrong, So I, so I asked her.
Know what she said? "ew.
" Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
And she made that exact same face, too.
Well, it's no big deal, becker.
I'm sure it's not the first time You've ever gotten that reaction.
Yes, as a matter of fact, it was.
Well, why do you care what amanda thinks anyway? No, it's, it's not about amanda.
It's what she represents.
I mean, did something happen to me when I wasn't looking? Did I, did I cross some sort of line, you know, Where a woman like that Could no longer be attracted to me? Did I officially turn into "ew"? These things are never official.
You're making quite a splash around here Judy.
Too bad it's just a Temp job.
Yeah, but margaret keeps making comments About wishing I could stay.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Well, margaret says a lot of things.
She just doesn't remember all of them.
I don't understand.
She drinks, judy.
She's drunk pretty much all day long.
I've never seen her drunk.
You've never seen her sober.
Actually Between margaret's drinking And "dr.
Feelgood" in there What do you mean? Let's just say dr.
Becker likes to play "doctor.
" Oh, I just can't believe that.
Margaret: Linda.
Keep an eye on things.
I need to run down the street and pick up my cleaning.
No problem.
Every day about this time, She needs to pick up her "cleaning.
" Dr.
Becker, I'm glad you're back.
Why? What did you do? Nothing.
I'm just happy to see you.
You know, l-let me Let me ask you something, linda.
Don't get the wrong idea here, but do? Do you think I'm attractive? You mean, as a man? Yes, linda, as a man.
Gee, I can't answer that.
I know you too well.
Oh, yeah, probably right.
Becker, wait.
You know what you should do? You should ask someone who doesn't know you at all.
Someone who'd be more objective.
Someone like Judy.
That's a very good idea.
Thank you, linda.
Oh, margaret, I'm glad you're back.
Why? What did you do? Nothing.
I was out earlier and I saw the cutest shoes, So I bought a pair for me and some for you, too.
Oh, linda, that's so sweet.
But you know I have trouble walking in a heel this high.
I know, but these are the most comfortable shoes I've ever had on.
I think you'll like 'em.
Well, can't hurt to try them on.
That's all I ask.
Oh, judy, I'm glad you're back.
Becker wants to see you.
Do you have any idea what he wants? Yeah, I'm afraid I do.
Linda said you wanted to see me.
Oh, yeah.
Um Yeah.
Come on in, judy.
Shut the door, come in.
Yes? Sit, please.
Judy, uh, I couldn't help but notice, You are a very attractive young woman.
Thank you? Let me ask you something.
Do you think I'm attractive? I don't think that has anything to do with my job.
No, no, no, of course it doesn't.
This is just personal between us.
Look, uh You know, If y-- if you were to pass me on the street, Would you think, "hey, I'd like to date him"? Dr.
Becker, You're my boss.
Well, I-- well, just forget about that For a second, will you? You know, I'm a man, you're a woman, come on.
I mean, what, what would you think? Dr.
Becker, I-I don't know how to answer that.
Well, I'd ask linda, But we've already been through all of this, so J-just tell me, wha-what would you say? I can't! Margaret (laughing): Ooh, I don't know, Linda I feel like I'm going to fall down! Maybe, maybe I should hold on to something.
This is too much for me.
I'm sorry.
I can't work here.
What's wrong with her? She drinks, margaret.
Hey, ladies.
Lose something? Not that much, no.
Are you still hung up About that amanda thing? No, no.
But it happened to me again.
Some woman at the office had a similar reaction, Except she didn't say "ew.
" She just screamed and ran.
You hit on a patient? Oh, of course not.
A temp.
And then, just a minute ago, T-two women walked by me like I was completely invisible.
Come on, becker.
You can't expect younger women to be attracted to you The way they once were Probably.
Why not? It's just the way it is.
Why can't men accept that? Because it's not fair, that's why.
It's a part of life, becker.
People move on, they get older.
Even pro golfers have to move on to the senior tour.
Oh, geez.
Give me some plaid pants and a jaunty little cap, And I'll be on my way.
You gonna be okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
It's not like I can do anything about it.
What did you mean when you said "ew"? What are you talking about? The other night, when I thought you were, You know, attracted, maybe, to me, you said "ew.
" I want to know what you meant.
Oh, yeah, that.
Well, it totally came out the wrong way Because I didn't mean it as an insult.
Well, it wasn't a compliment.
Was it? No, w-what I meant was that, that Jake is your best friend and he's my boyfriend, And for me to be interested in his best friend would be "ew.
" Oh! "ew.
" Exactly.
Well, so this had nothing to do with me personally.
Of course not.
John, you're a very attractive man.
Oh, you don't have to say that.
You really think so? Yeah, I do, absolutely.
Hi, amanda.
Hey, jake.
Hi, baby.
Oh, john.
Hey, should I be worried that I'm not home And you're here alone with another man? Who, john? Yuck.
Yeah, w-what were you thinking, buddy? Hey, I'll see you guys later.
You crack me up.