Becker s04e19 Episode Script

Too Much, Too Late

1 Good morning, becker.
Yeah, this morning doesn't even have A shot at being good.
I stepped in chewing gum.
I swear, you know! Gum on the sidewalks-- Just another sign of the complete breakdown of society.
And you know who's to blame, don't you? Republicans? The democrats? I'm going with the phone company.
No, the irs.
They give these huge tax breaks to corporations, Which means there's less money for education, Which means schools can't hire enough teachers, Which means kids aren't being taught social responsibility, Which means they spit their gum on the sidewalk, Where it ends up on my shoe.
Got to hand it to him.
I didn't think he could get here from there.
Can I have some coffee, please? Hey, jake.
Hey, guys.
What's up, jake? Check this out.
I just got this great letter in the mail.
Oh, yeah? Let me see.
Oh, wow.
Publisher's clearing house.
Hey, they don't send those to just anybody.
Well Yeah, they do.
Jake: I'm sorry about that.
That was the wrong letter.
When I was in the sixth grade, My teacher, mrs.
Mcguire, Had us write a list of ten things That we wanted to accomplish in our life.
Now, all these years later, She sent them back to everybody.
All right, jake's letter.
Here we go.
All right.
"ten things I want to accomplish by jake t-bone malinak.
" "t-bone"? I was going through a blues period.
Ju-just read it, all right? Becker: "number one: Become the first black president.
" Well, that's still open.
"two: See the grand canyon.
" So much for that one.
"three: Be an astronaut.
Four: Meet an angel.
" Oh, when I was little, I used to dream that an angel would appear In my bedroom and show me heaven.
Actually, I meant one of charlie's angels.
It was pretty much the same dream, though.
"five: Eat a whole gallon "of o'malley's mint chocolate chip ice cream by myself.
Six: Do a pull-up.
" Boy, you had some lofty goals, there, t-bone.
Can you do a pull-up? Th-that's not the Yeah, all right.
"seven: Play in the world series.
" Well, that's out.
But, hey, look on the bright side.
You can still be an umpire.
All right, let's see.
"number eight: Ride an elephant.
Nine: Kiss mara jenkins.
" Ah, let me guess.
She developed early.
Guys would come from blocks away Just to watch her skip rope.
"ten: Mount everest.
" Is that another girl in your class? No.
I wanted to climb mount everest.
You know something? This list is nice to have, As would be a cup of coffee.
In a minute, becker.
So how many of those things did you do on the list? Uh Well, none of them.
Becker: Well, it's no big deal, you know.
Life moves on.
Things change.
You know, like, when I was younger, Once I wanted a cup of coffee.
Did any of you guys ever notice That he drinks coffee all day and never pees? You know, this morning when amanda read me that list, I was laughing, but now it just seems kind of sad.
It's not sad, jake.
It's sweet.
Well, it is a little sad.
Jake: You'd think, after 20 years, I'd have accomplished something.
What a loser.
Oh, relax.
If we all became what we wanted to be When we were 11, everyone would be an astronaut.
Oh, not me.
I'd be a tollbooth operator.
What? When I was a kid, I thought it was a great job.
You sat in a booth, and people throw money at you.
You know, there's a place on 42nd street, Where you can still do that.
Margaret, guess what I have.
A good excuse for being late.
I brought you something dark, sweet and rich.
You got denzel washington in there? Better-- fudge brownies.
Oh, those aren't like the ones you bought At that concert last year, are they? That was one time, and you didn't have to eat so many.
They made me so hungry, I couldn't stop.
Just don't bring that kind in here again.
I am not spending another afternoon at the planetarium.
Levin, either you start watching your cholesterol Or we'll be able to melt you down And spread you on a muffin.
I'll be good, I promise.
Oh, brownies! Well, I suppose one couldn't hurt.
You'd think, until you spend a weekend Locked in your closet, listening to pink floyd.
(choking) Moist, aren't they? (coughing) Are you choking? Can you speak? John, get out here! (groans) What's going on? Are you all right? Here, sit down.
Sit down.
There we go.
Here you go.
Here you go.
You all right? Mm.
Yeah, I'm okay now.
You sure? Yes.
Oh, thank you.
That was no big deal.
No big deal? You You saved my life.
I can't thank you enough.
It was heroic.
Thank you so much.
Aah! I told him cholesterol could kill him, didn't I? Linda Linda, I am so proud of you.
I didn't even know that you knew heimlich maneuver.
I guess after three years Of walking past that poster in the hall, Something sank in.
That poster is about sexual harassment.
It's the same move.
Reg, I'll have a cheeseburger And coffee, please.
That's terrific.
I'll see you, then.
Okay, do you guys remember that clown I dated? You'll have to be more specific.
The actual clown.
The one who went to clown college.
You dated a yale man? Anyway The circus is at the garden this week, And steve promised that Wh-who's steve? Fine.
Anyway, he said that I could bring jake early So he could ride one of the elephants.
Does jake want to ride an elephant? Weren't you listening? It was on his list.
List? What you mean that That thing that his teacher sent him? So what? So, I think he'd feel better about himself If he'd accomplish one of those things.
That was just a stupid list that an 11-year-old made up.
I disagree.
I think that list is symbolic Of all the things jake feels bad about not having done.
Leave the man alone, you know.
He doesn't need your pity.
It's not pity.
I'm doing something you might not be familiar with: Being a good friend.
Yeah, well, you should be doing something You're not familiar with: Minding your own business.
Beppo Beppo? Isn't that the guy you dated With the big shoes and wore the white makeup? Actually, no.
Hey, reg.
Reggie: Oh, jake, Don't take off your coat.
I'm taking you to do something you've wanted to do For a very long time.
Yet I leave my coat on.
Just go.
I'll explain on the way.
Hey, becker, do me a favor and close up for me, will ya? Beppo.
(snaps fingers) Wasn't he the bald guy with the big red nose And the little tiny car? You want to know what's sad, bob? It wasn't him either.
Margaret, is it too much to ask To keep a pen or a pencil in the exam room So I have something to write with? Like this? Yeah, well, that isn't in the exam room, is it? Oh, hey, mr.
How you feeling? Oh, I feel terrific.
I just wanted to come in and say how grateful I am.
Oh, I'm glad we could do something.
Linda This is for you.
It's not much.
Just a watch.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
Ooh, but I'm really happy you did.
This is beautiful.
Boy, that looks expensive.
There's no way to put a price On what linda did for me.
Thanks to you, I can live a long, full life.
Well, you know, if you watch your cholesterol.
Huh? Yeah, whatever.
Well Thank you again, linda.
No, thank you.
No, thank you.
No, thank you.
You're both grateful, I got it, I got it.
Gee, who thought there'd be An upside to helping people? Did you see that? He never gave me anything.
I've been working to save That butterball's life for years.
Oh, I'm glad you're still here.
Uh, we had a little accident, And I think jake hurt his knee.
Whoo, smells like he had an accident.
I fell in elephant crap.
Where? At a bowling alley.
We were at the circus.
Oh, yes, right, the circus.
Where you took jake to make his life better, right.
Check his knee out, will you? Get an x ray, please.
Oh, sure.
Soon as I hose him off.
What the hell happened? Well, the elephant leaned down-- You know how they do-- And we put jake on his head And things were going great.
And then? And then the elephant stood up, And jake kind of flew off his back.
And what have we learned, reg? Well, a couple things.
Um, one, is to always make sure That the harness is buckled.
And, two, that even though he was covered in elephant dung, Jake still wasn't the worst-smelling guy on the subway.
That's very funny.
You know what I'm talking about.
I mean, you think you're doing Something good for him, but you're not, reg.
Oh, but if you could have just seen his face For that split second he was up there I've said this before.
You know, leave the man alone.
But, becker, my heart was in the right place.
I'll do better next time.
What do you? Next time? You're right, you're right.
I'll leave him alone.
I promise.
(screaming) (grunts and groans) It's cold, it's windy, it's mount everest! Get me down! Get me (screaming) Taking a blind man rock climbing? What were you thinking? But if you could have just seen his face For that split second he was up there.
Up where? Mt.
Everest? It was a plastic rock in a warehouse.
I was just You promised you would leave him alone.
I was just trying to make him happy.
Oh, well, he certainly seems happy, doesn't he, reg? Taking a blind man rock climbing? What were you thinking? But if you could have just seen his face For that split second Oh, forget it.
John, I-I taped his shoulder like you asked.
Thank you.
If you really want to be happy, Take two of these every four hours.
Come on, jake.
Yeah, see you later, buddy-- Unless wile e.
Coyote there Straps you to a rocket and shoots you off into space.
Well, excuse me for caring.
Ow! (groaning) Sorry, jake.
And then just as mr.
Levin was turning all these colors And gasping what could have been his last breath, I said to him, "don't go into the light.
" 'cause he almost hit that lamp over there.
Linda, have all these patients been checked in? Oh, they're not patients.
We were on the bus together.
They wanted to hear the end of my story.
Oh, well, it's time to get back to work.
Go on.
Get out of here.
Go ahead.
Linda, can you get me mrs.
Rivera's chart And put it in room one? Do you really think I should still be doing that kind of thing? I mean, don't you think I've moved on From the menial paperwork of medicine To the more important part-- saving lives? Margaret, how are you at saving lives? Because I swear to god John.
Becker, in our profession, What do you think is the most rewarding: Ripping someone from the jaws of death, or is it the gifts? Did you see my watch? Linda, you forgot her chart.
Oh, thanks, margaret, you're a lifesaver.
Oh, wait a minute.
That's me.
I don't know how much more I can take of this.
Oh, so now you're angry Because she finally took an interest in medicine? Yes.
That's my job.
Oh, come on, john.
Leave her alone.
After all, she did save someone's life.
Do you know how many I've saved? I'm still wearing the same crappy watch I got for subscribing to newsweek.
You know, I-I am that close to killing linda Just for that watch.
Oh, don't be silly.
Besides, it's a ladies' watch.
Yeah, well, so is this one.
Jake, I have an idea about that list of yours.
Reg, you almost killed me twice.
Whatever it is, no.
Just hear me out.
Remember how you said You wanted to be an astronaut? Reg, reg, would you please stop helping me? I'm running out of pain pills.
Hello, all.
Jake malinak, right outside is a woman from your past.
And relax, she's not pregnant.
What? Forget it, bob.
Jake's not interested.
What do you mean jake's not interested? I went to a lot of trouble.
Went to a lot of trouble to do what? Well, jake, I asked bob to find mara jenkins.
You know, the girl you wanted to kiss in sixth grade? Mara-mara jenkins is here? Yo, mara, bring it on in here! Hi, jake.
Mara? Wow, I can't believe it.
It is so good to see you.
You look great.
You sound like you look great.
So, how have you been? Good.
Really good.
So bob tells me that wanting to kiss me was on your list.
You know, that was a really long time ago.
No, no.
I think that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard.
Really? Really.
That was nice.
My pleasure.
It was really good seeing you again, jake.
Oh, and, uh, by the way, You were on my list, too.
Boy, that was some kiss.
Made the hair on the back of your head lay down.
I can't tell you how good it makes me feel To finally help you cross something off your list.
That was nice.
Too bad it wasn't mara jenkins.
What? There's no way I was on her list.
She wasn't even in my class.
She lived across town and went to another school.
Bob? All right, all right.
I couldn't find mara jenkins.
But you said All right, I didn't even look.
Then who was that? I paid her 20 bucks to kiss jake in the diner.
For $50, she would have kissed him anywhere he wanted.
You brought a prostitute in here? No, she's a brain surgeon who kisses men for money.
You know, I think she was a surgeon.
She almost removed my tonsils.
Linda, did you call the pharmacy About mrs.
Nichol's prescription? Linda? I'm sorry, margaret.
I'm so absorbed in this book, I didn't hear you.
You're absorbed in the elements of clinical toxicology? Yeah.
It's all about drugs.
It's amazing how much I already knew.
Lewis, these antibiotics should clear up that infection.
You can get back to running in no time.
Running away from his wife if she ever finds out How he got that infection.
Doctor I didn't want to say anything in front of the patient, But did you consider that his infection might be viral And not bacterial? Margaret No, john.
I mean, it's an easy mistake to make.
Even I could be fooled.
M-margaret, please No, john.
I don't know why you keep asking her.
After all, she's just a nurse.
Ooh, boy, now you're in trouble.
(grunts) Just a nurse? For you to know anywhere near the amount of medicine I do, It would take the rest of your natural life, Which may be a lot shorter than you think.
Between the two of us, We have more than 40 years experience.
Do you know how many lives we've saved? Every person who walks through that door Gets a level of medical expertise You can't even dream of.
In fact, there are dead bugs in that light fixture That know more about medicine than you do, And they need to be cleaned out, so get to it.
You know, margaret, The new England journal of medicine says-- And I think my colleague here would concur-- People with violent tempers are at serious risk For heart attacks and strokes.
John? (sighing): Well, actually, She's right.
You know, reg, this is really great ice cream.
You like that, huh? Mm-hmm.
You know what kind it is? Mint chocolate chip.
Not just mint chocolate chip.
Remember o'malley's? It was on your list.
Oh Oh, for god's sake! All you have to do Is eat an entire gallon, And you'll finally have done something with your life.
I need a reality check here.
She's nuts, right? Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You got to leave this alone.
Come on, jake.
It's easy.
I can't tell you how many Saturday nights I've eaten a gallon of ice cream With an oreo instead of a spoon.
Why do you care? Forget about it.
Come on, jake.
How many times have we sat in here And made great plans and then just said, "aw, forget about it.
" Come on.
Just do this one thing on your list.
Why don't you make your own list? Well, I was going to, But then I said, "ah, forget about it.
" You know, when he was a failure, he was happy.
Now look what you've done to him.
You know, for the last time, reg, leave the man alone.
Jake, the next voice you hear Will be a voice from your past.
And relax, he's not pregnant.
He? There's a guy down the block asking everybody If they knew you, so I brought him in.
Jake? Who's there? Jimmy vernon.
Jimmy vernon? Jimmy Hey, everybody, this is jimmy vernon.
We sat next to each other in sixth grade.
Remember how we used to sneak cigarettes outside the gym? Remember that? Yeah.
Remember how you used To always cheat off my papers? Until you squealed on me.
We sort of lost touch after that, huh? Well, you know, I had to repeat the sixth grade.
Really? Yeah.
Oh! That was on my list.
Oh, my god! Are you all right, jake? No.
What kind of idiot hits a blind man? Come on, becker, The little squealer kind of had it coming.
Oh, man, this hurts.
Maybe some ice cream will make you feel better.
You know what? You know what? Get away from me and stay away from, all of you.
My life is what it is.
I can do nothing about it.
Come on, jake.
Don't be depressed.
I mean, all you really needed was a different list.
Think about it.
I mean, if your dream was to be dumped in elephant crap, Slammed against the wall, punched in the gut And kissed by a man, you'd be happy now.
A man? I kissed a man? Why do you think it only cost me 20 bucks?