Becker s04e23 Episode Script

Much Ado About Nothing (1)

1 Hey, jake.
Hey, darryl, what can I get you today? I'm just taking a pack of cigarettes and some gum.
No magazines for your wife? No, not today.
Okay, see you.
All right.
Aah, poor guy.
His marriage is falling apart.
What makes you think that? Hey, listen.
Darryl's been a customer for years.
I know him like the back of my hand.
Yeah? And when was the last time you saw that? Every Friday he comes in And buys fashion magazines for his wife.
Now, all of sudden, just cigarettes and gum.
So what? Well, so obviously, he's upset.
He started smoking.
And I'm guessing he got the gum so his wife won't find out.
Maybe he's just trying to be considerate.
I mean, I'd love to date a considerate man.
On the other hand, I bet the cigarettes Would get to me, and I'd ask him to quit.
And then he'd tell me he did, But then he'd end up sneaking them at the office.
And if he'd lie about that, Who knows what he'd lie about? You know, I bet he's sleeping With that slutty secretary of his! That's just great.
Now he's not only lying to me, he's cheating on me.
Well, the hell with him-- it's over! I don't know where you meet these guys.
Morning.
Boy, am I happy to see you.
Oh, that's so nice, becker.
I was talking to my cigarettes.
So What's going on around here? Well, reggie just split up with her imaginary boyfriend.
Wow.
Even the pretend ones dump you.
For your information, I dumped him.
So, where's the human smiley-face, huh? Reggie: Who? You know, what's-her-name, chris.
Oh, she hasn't been in today.
Yeah, probably out putting bluebirds On people's shoulders.
Actually, I saw her Getting into a cab last night with a huge suitcase.
I mean, I watched her trying to drag it down the stairs For, like, 20 minutes.
I mean, she didn't even say good-bye.
Kind of rude, don't you think? Suitcase, cab? I'm guessing she's going on a trip.
Thank you, captain obvious.
You know, chris was in here yesterday.
And she didn't say anything about leaving town.
I mean, why would she? She just started a new job.
She probably quit already.
She's had, what, like about a thousand different jobs, And she never stays in one place for more like five minutes.
What's it to you if she leaves town? Does she owe you money? All I'm saying is, you know, What kind of way is that to live? You know, move on as soon as you get tired of something? I tell you what it is.
It's irresponsible.
It's selfish and it's irresponsible.
(car horn honks) Aw, geez, that's me, I double-parked.
(honking) all right, all right, all right! Okay, how weird was that? Yeah, he usually doesn't care if he's blocking someone in.
No.
Suddenly he's all hot and bothered About what chris is doing.
What does he care Whether she's in town or out of town? I mean, he's acting like he likes her.
Weird.
Speaking of weird, what was that? I mean, suddenly reggie's a little too concerned Over what becker thinks about chris.
She almost sounds jealous.
First of all, reggie's not interested in becker.
Second of all, becker's not interested in chris.
And third of all, I'm not interested in any of this.
Okay, holli, so I showed you the exam rooms, The supply cabinet and the x-ray machine.
Oh, about the x-ray machine, I'm really sorry.
Does it always shoot out sparks like that? No, that was a first.
But don't worry about it.
I'm sure it was an accident.
I'll swear to it if you will.
Okay, so I guess that about covers everything.
Just remember that the phones and the appointment book Are the most important things.
Oh, and a bit of advice: If you want to leave early, Just leave an open bottle of nail polish on the counter, And that way, margaret thinks you're still here.
Mm Nail polish, um Is that flammable? I guess so.
Why? No reason.
Hi, margaret.
We were just talking about you.
All good things.
(door closes) This is holli.
It's her first day, And I was just showing her around the office.
Hi.
Hello.
Linda, may I speak to you for a moment? Excuse us, holli.
Uh, you mentioned that this is her first day.
Of what? Of working here.
I sublet my job to her for a week.
Linda, you can't sublet your job.
Of course I can.
It's my job.
It's no different than when I'd sublet my apartment.
Besides, this is a matter of life and death.
Yeah, it just might be.
Go ahead.
Okay, here's the thing: I have to go to traffic school for robin So that she can work wendy's shift at the deli So that wendy can cover for cindy Who's been taking stan to dialysis For the last ten years, But she can't now because she has to go To dana's lesbian commitment ceremony in hawaii.
Hawaii? Well, dana's from alabama.
Her girlfriend's from hawaii.
If you were a lesbian, where would you rather get married? Well, I have always wanted to go to hawaii, so But why can't holli fill in for cindy? You know, I am sorry that stan's dialysis Is so inconvenient for you, margaret.
Where's your compassion? Everyone else is pulling together for stan.
Why can't you? Well You know, I guess you're right.
I guess I was being selfish.
All right, she can stay.
Oh, holli, it's so nice that you and linda Have such a close-knit group of friends.
Oh, I don't know any of those people.
I just answered an ad.
But you do have medical experience, right? I had hepatitis once.
See? She'll be great.
Hey, margaret, who's the new girl Not working behind the front desk? That would be holli.
Who's holli? Well, it involves linda, a guy named stan And a couple of lesbians in hawaii.
You don't want to hear about it.
Leave out the part about linda and stan And tell me the rest.
Hi.
Hi.
Who are you? Holli.
Where's linda? Traffic school.
Oh, she got a ticket? I just answered an ad.
Well, I I just need to drop something off for becker.
Do you have an appointment? You don't understand.
I'm just dropping off his lunch.
They said no one gets in to see the doctor Without an appointment.
So, when would you like to come in? How about now? I'm sorry, he's with a patient.
I just want to drop off his lunch.
Hi, reggie.
Oh, margaret, thank god.
She doesn't have an appointment.
I-it's okay, holli.
I'll take care of it.
What can I do for you, reg? I'm just dropping off becker's lunch.
That's very nice of you.
Well, he was kind of upset this morning.
He was going on and on about chris.
Apparently she left town, and it really bothered him.
But I'm sure you've heard all about it.
He didn't say anything to me.
Really? Not a word.
Oh, that's a relief.
I mean, for him.
And you.
I'll see you later.
What about the food? Right.
Right, the food.
That is why I came over.
What a ditz.
Thanks a lot, jake.
H-hey, darryl, um I don't mean to pry, but Is everything okay with you? Well, actually Yeah, everything's fine.
But thanks for asking.
Wow.
Breaks my heart to see that.
What? Well, he just bought a razor, a toothbrush And another pack of cigarettes.
Yeah, that is bad.
Why is that bad? Oh, please.
Come on, he's still smoking, all right? And he's obviously moved out of his house.
Why else would he buy cigarettes a toothbrush and a razor? Well, maybe he's buying a kid a birthday present.
Why? What did you get when you were six? Hey, guys, where's reggie? Reg! Reg! Stop yelling.
What do you want? Uh, yesterday when you brought lunch over to the office, That worked out well.
Not the food part, but the convenience.
So, I'd like to Place an order for today.
Look, just because I brought you lunch yesterday, Don't expect me to do it all the time.
Sometimes it gets a little crazy around here, And I can't leave.
It just doesn't happen when you're here.
Oh, becker, I heard from chris.
Who cares? Well, yesterday you were asking all about her, so I thought I don't care about her.
Why? What did she want? She called and asked if I could feed her fish.
I didn't know she had fish.
I did.
Why? Because she bought a milky way And sports illustrated? No.
Because she told me.
So, she just took off and left her fish alone? What do you care about chris's fish? I don't.
Then why are you talking about it? I'm not.
I'm just saying that, you know, She's the one who pretends to care so much about everything, But clearly she doesn't.
You don't just take off and leave your fish alone And think that they don't care.
I mean, they expect To look out the side of their tank And see, you know, their-their person there.
Not just anybody can dump in the food.
Actually, I think anyone can.
Yeah, I'm doing it.
So chris left town for a few days.
What's it to you? It's not about me.
It's about the fish.
They are a lot more like us than you realize.
You know, they're living creatures.
They think.
They have feelings.
Fine.
What do you want for lunch? Tuna sandwich.
"fish have feelings.
" please.
I tell you who has feelings: Becker for chris.
I mean, it's pathetic.
Have you ever seen anyone act out so much in your life? (slams door) See? I was right.
Reggie's jealous that john's interested in chris.
Or maybe becker's interested in reggie, And he's just saying all that stuff about chris to make her jealous.
You think? Or there's another possibility.
Did we ever consider that maybe reggie's jealous Because she and chris have feelings for each other? No.
Could we? (sighs) Holli, I don't know if linda told you, But we like to keep a pot of coffee going all day.
So, could you make some? Oh, you do not want me to make coffee.
They asked me to do it at my last job, And it didn't work out well at all.
Where was that? Starbucks.
Oh.
Well, the paper in the copy machine Needs to be refilled.
How about that? Did you hear about the fire at kinko's? Okay.
Well, uh The drug cabinet Needs to be Locked.
And I think I'll go do that right now.
So, uh, you just sit there and read your book.
I think that will be best.
Hi, margaret.
I only have a minute.
My traffic school instructor got a dui On his way back from lunch, So they're sending in a new teacher.
Anyway, I just stopped by to tell you That stan is doing well And to see how things are going with holli.
Not great.
She doesn't do anything.
She cando anything.
I may as well have a cardboard cutout of you.
There's one in the storeroom.
Well, who do you think worked late last Wednesday? Okay, jake.
You're the people expert.
Do you think chris is the type of person Who gets attached to her pets? Did you forget to feed her fish? No.
Her fish ate.
Each other.
Well, nice job.
Well, who knew you had to feed them every day? What do you expect a fish to do? Show up at your door with a bowl in its mouth? Well, maybe she won't notice.
She won't notice one fat fish With a tail sticking out of his mouth? I know.
I'll just tell her all the other fish are hiding In that little castle on the bottom of the tank.
Now I got to go buy one of those.
So you didn't even tell her? Well, I didn't want to ruin her trip.
I figured one more day wouldn't matter.
She's coming back tomorrow? Yeah.
She's just picking up The last of her things at her ex-husband's.
Ex-husband's? (chuckling): Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's interesting.
Ha.
So she's been married once.
You've been married twice.
Yeah, but I'm not the one trying to pass myself off As someone who gets along with everybody.
Clearly.
You know, relationships aren't easy.
I used to go out with this guy, and we had to break up Because not only was he a smoker, But he was cheating on me.
Reg, reg, Reg.
You made him up.
Oh, right.
All I'm saying is, you know, Chris isn't the perfect little angel She wants us to think.
I can't wait to see her So I can let her know I'm on to her.
Oh, my god, he's obsessed with her! One of us could have her hair on fire And he wouldn't even notice.
I think he'd notice if it was your hair.
Well, you know, that would be like a really big fire.
Ah, so who knew, after all these years, Reggie would be interested in becker? I guess all it took was for him To be interested in someone else.
Well, he's been interested in women before.
Yeah, but he's never cared when they've gone away.
Listen, take my word for it, I see things that you don't.
Yeah, you're right.
It's like you have a sixth sense.
Or, in your case, a fifth.
Hey, jake.
It's me, darryl.
Hey, darryl.
How you doing? Well, much better, Actually.
I don't know if you could tell But the last few weeks I've been under a lot of stress.
Well, actually, you know, I knew it.
I just told bob that the other day.
Really? You knew? Yeah.
What can I say? I kind of have a sense About these things, don't I, bob? Yeah, I guess you do.
Actually, you know, You were giving off little signals In your own way, you know? You stopped buying magazines for your wife.
You started smoking.
So then you knew I was gay.
Say what? Yeah, you really do know people, jake.
You know, I'll be honest.
One of the reasons I finally decided to come out Was seeing the way you two show your love for each other.
Say what? You know, how you You're just You're so open about your relationship.
Every time I come in here, always together, Laughing, kidding around.
Us? Us? Listen, darryl, I'm really happy for you, But you got this all wrong.
No, I know you must have your moments like any other couple, But I just hope one day I'm in a relationship With someone who looks at me the way bob looks at you.
Anyway, I just had to come in To tell you guys thanks For being such an inspiration.
Yeah.
Nobody knows people like you do.
Never mind that.
We need to have a serious discussion About the way you've been looking at me, man.
(sighs) Aw! It's amazing.
I've never seen a computer Just burst into flames like that.
I have.
Good news! I'm all done with traffic school.
So thanks, holli, but I'm not going to need you anymore.
Oh, what a shame.
Holli, I am so sorry to see you go.
Look, if you ever want me to come back, I'll give you my number.
It's 579 Great, 579.
If I ever need the rest of it, I'll call you.
So, anything new around here? Don't you see the smoke Coming out of the computer? Holli did that! Boy, she must type really fast.
So, how's stan? Well, everyone decided it'd be best If he was treated at home from now on.
Oh, linda, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know it was that bad.
Yeah, especially after he got one Of the other patients pregnant.
Now they're just going to neuter him and take him home.
W-w-wait a minute.
Stan is a dog? Did I forget to mention that? Yes, you forgot to mention that.
Which makes what I have to say even more difficult.
What's that? I'm so glad you're back.
(sobbing) (knock at door) Hi, reg.
Kind of late.
Everything okay? Well, you know, becker, I was in the mood for chinese food, So I went to ming's and then I remembered How much you liked it, so I thought maybe you Might like some chinese food, too.
Uh, uh Actually, see, I'm Huh You already ate.
Yeah.
But you were right.
I was certainly in the mood for chinese.
Oh, so, you want to come in or something? Yeah.
I think I do.
What did you want? Okay.
Look, I've been thinking about something, so I thought I'd just come over here and say it and get it over with.
Say what? You know how something can Be right in front of your face and you never notice it? But then something happens To make you notice it and then you wonder Why you never noticed it to begin with? I never really noticed.
Well, what I'm trying to say is Becker, is there any chance You already know why I'm here? It was the food, right? No.
No, it's much more important than the food.
Oh.
It's, uh That chair.
Have you always had that? This? Yeah, yeah.
I got it in my last divorce.
I stole it from my wife's lawyer.
You see, that's the perfect example Of what I'm talking about.
That's a really nice chair, And I've really never noticed it.
I mean, that's an eames chair.
It's probably worth more than your car.
This chinese food's worth more than my car.
Yeah, that's not my point.
Yeah, well, what is your point, reg? Well, that I've been here so many times, And I've never really seen that chair.
I mean, I've seen it, but I've never Really seen it.
Don't you see what I'm trying to say, becker? Uh We're not really talking About the chair, are we, reg? Thank you.
Yeah.
So what are we talking about? You know what? Uh Uh, forget it.
I really should go.
Okay.
Nice to see you.
Hope that cleared things up.
God, I'm so lame.
Oh, my god.
What Oh, what's the matter with me? Hey, reg.
Reg! Yes? I'm so sorry.
I-I don't know what I was thinking.
I can reheat this for breakfast.