Better Late Than Never (2016) s02e02 Episode Script
Sweden - I'm a Viking!
1 MALE NARRATOR: Birthplace of Western civilization, and a world of unparalleled culture and sophistication.
[GOAT BLEATING.]
- No milk.
- An udder failure.
NARRATOR: They're back.
[LINDSEY BUCKINGHAM'S "HOLIDAY ROAD".]
Four living legends We got this down.
NARRATOR: Saddle up again.
Give my best to my family.
NARRATOR: For a European adventure they'll never forget.
TV superstar Choke on that, Germany.
Whoo! I'm on caffeine! - NARRATOR: Cultural icon - Wow.
Whoa.
Whoa.
NARRATOR: NFL Hall of Famer TB is glad to be here! Buenos dias.
NARRATOR: Former heavyweight champion [SCREAMS.]
[WOLF WHISTLE.]
NARRATOR: Jeff Dye as the sidekick.
Do you takes Visa? [HOWLING.]
We're gonna find your roots, Terry.
- Calling my people.
- [HOWLS.]
You are being extremely impolite right now.
NARRATOR: Just when you thought it was safe to go back on vacation.
- Fermented herring.
- [COUGHING.]
- Bill, please.
- How much don't you want this? [SPITS.]
Oh, [BLEEP.]
! [EAGLE SCREECHES.]
[THE RAMONES' "BLITZKRIEG BOP".]
- Going to my world.
- Yes.
Which is Sweden, 'cause I am a roaring Viking.
Finally, a place all about me.
We're going to the birth OF MY ANCESTORS: Sweden! [YELPS.]
- What was that? - That's my call to my woman.
I swear to God, I thought that was an elk.
Swedish meatballs and Vikings.
I don't want to fight any Vikings, but I sure would like to fight some of those meatballs.
Here we go, Sweden.
Let's go.
- Hey, ho, let's go - Hey, ho, let's go Hey, ho, let's go Hey, ho Let's go Good news, guys.
We're here.
They're generating steam heat Hey, ho, let's go Shoot 'em in the back, now Hey, ho, let's go They call me Hell They call me Stacey They call me her They call me Jane That's not my name That's not my name, that's not my name That's not my name That's not my name, that's not my name - Here we are.
- Beautiful.
This is all about Terry's territory.
- Yeah.
- Terry's territory? This doesn't look like Oklahoma to me.
I am excited about finally finding my roots.
Uh! [YELPING.]
I'm calling my people.
We're gonna find your roots, Terry.
I've never done one of those, you know, spit things where you find out what you are in your DNA/ But, I mean, come on, I look like a Viking, I'm a big man, powerfully built, deep set eyes.
I mean, seriously, I'm a warrior.
Now wait a minute.
The thing is that you are not a Viking.
You know, they're intelligent Oh, no! I can't believe you called me stupid.
- I didn't! - You did! No, I didn't call you stupid.
Henry, did he? Did he? - No.
- Well, he said that Vikings were very intelligent, and you're not.
- Exactly! - I didn't say you're not.
Oh, yes you did.
Run back the tape! Vikings were very smart.
They invented new tools, discovered new worlds.
That kind of intelligence is simply not something everyone can claim.
Bill, I can't believe you called me stupid.
I'm telling you, I'm not gonna get over that for a while.
As fun as it is to listen to Bill and Terry go back and forth with each other, I figure that the guys are super hungry.
Let's get lunch.
A little lunch will help you.
So I organized a special Swedish treat.
[STRING MUSIC.]
I got a treat for you guys.
Just sit on down.
Oh, my God.
Pheasant under the glass.
Whoo! - You wish, but I like it.
- I've seen this on TV, man.
I like that guess.
Last time I went on vacation with these ding-dongs, they made me eat all sort of crazy crap.
- What is that? - [SPEAKING JAPANESE.]
Looks like worms! Ugh! - This is not food.
- BOTH: Oh.
So this time, got an authentic Viking treat.
Nothing is more Swedish than what we're about to eat.
This is called [TENSE MUSIC.]
fermented herring.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
This is a can of tuna fish.
I mean, how bad can can this be? - You'll be first.
- Yeah, yeah.
I can do this.
Yeah, hook it on there.
- [CAN HISSES.]
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - Oh, my God.
- Oh, [BLEEP.]
.
- What is it? - Oh, that [BLEEP.]
.
[GAGGING, COUGHING.]
Oh! Oh, God.
Awful stuff.
God.
Oh, my God.
- You mean you don't like it? - Do you smell that over here? I got that [BLEEP.]
on my hands.
Golly! Oh, what a dummy I am.
I'm running away from the odor, but I didn't realize it's all over my shirt.
It's in my hat.
It's in my hat.
Oh! Oh! It's on my fingers.
- [CAN HISSES.]
- Oh! Oh, my gosh.
That smells like a port-a-potty.
- Now come on.
- Oh! This is a joke.
I'm telling you, it was like decomposing bodies.
It was so nauseating.
They're gonna eat it.
Oh! Don't do it! - [CAN HISSES.]
- Ooh! - Oh.
- That is so gross.
- If you do that, I am - This is how they would have to transport their herring this way.
This is the way you lived - Bill.
- As you crossed the oceans.
This is a delicacy.
First of all, I'm gonna eat the fermented herring.
There's no question in my mind.
I am going to eat the fermented herring.
- This is Viking stuff.
- [RETCHING.]
Watch this! Oh! [MUSIC BUILDS.]
Oh! [GAGS.]
- No! - Ugh! Oh, my God.
Wow.
- Oh! - Look at big George too.
I am - Oh! - You don't know what you're missing.
I didn't mind the herring.
As a matter of fact, I'd have it again.
Ohh! [LAUGHS.]
No, Bill.
Come here, Terry.
- My back's killing me.
- Come here.
- No, Bill! - Come here, Terry.
No, seriously.
- No! - Oh, run him down.
I will I got you now, Terry! - Oh! - I got you now.
Bill, please.
I pray.
I pray.
- No.
No.
Right there.
- [GRUNTING, COUGHING.]
- How much don't you - [BLEEP.]
- [GAGGING.]
Bill - How much? [SPITS.]
Oh, [BLEEP.]
! Oh, Bill, get away! Undoubtedly, the low point of my career is the fact that I just got sacked by Shatner.
To know that you ran me down pisses me off.
I encourage everybody out there that's watching this right now to order this through the mail and give it to the person you can't stand the most.
I got a few people I would like to send a few cans to.
Ex-wife.
I'm out of here.
Boy, that is some gross [BLEEP.]
.
[FLIES BUZZING.]
Jeffrey, did you find us a hotel? Yes, I did.
You're gonna love it.
We're going back to the airport? - This is the hotel.
- Really? It's cool, huh? How does he find these places? I've never seen any of these places in a guide book.
No.
He's diligent.
He's diligent about finding places.
Yeah.
That don't exist anywhere else in anybody's travel plans.
- Are we staying in the plane? - Yeah.
Cool, huh? Once you see the rooms, you won't be so mad about the stairs.
Plain and simple, fellas.
We're on a plane.
This is awesome.
So we took an airplane to Sweden, and now we are here staying in this hotel, which is an airplane.
Look at this.
Where there were seats, there are now hotel rooms.
- For goodness' sake.
- Let me see.
There's so many rooms.
[TOILET FLUSHES.]
I'm not sure I would like to be here.
- Why? - It's claustrophobic.
- It's cool.
- No, it's not cool.
Are we staying here? Disaster.
Hey.
- This place is dope.
- This is unacceptable for me.
Couldn't we have stayed at someplace cool, like, five-star hotel? Well, this is, like, not about five-star hotels.
It's about seeing the most unique things in the world.
I come a long way to sleep in another plane.
I can sleep anywhere.
That does not come as news, George.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC.]
- Good night, guys.
- I'm down for the count.
Mm.
Why's it so bright? Oh.
[EERIE MUSIC.]
How are we supposed to get sleep if it's never dark out? - Oh, yeah.
This is - What is that? It's a mask I use when I go to sleep.
- You use that? - It's good for your skin.
Okay.
The sun is out.
I can't sleep.
Okay.
What better time to have a workout? [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
And good morning, Stockholm.
- Hey, come on.
- Who is this lady? Ho! Follow me.
All the way.
Up! Yeah.
Yeah.
Even though they are maybe older gentlemen, that's no excuse.
You got to still keep your body good.
- BOTH: Oh, yeah.
.
- Whoo! And in the '80s, these guys were all, like, baller.
Whoa.
Super.
Yeah.
Nowadays, they're more like long-balling.
Wow! Yeah! Hey! Yeah.
Ho! [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Hey! Hey! Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! This is the weirdest hotel gym I've ever seen.
That's it for me.
- What? - I'm out.
Where are you going, Terry? This is by far the weirdest hotel I've ever stayed in, and their exercise program is even weirder.
Oh, God bless.
Do you have a light? I do.
Oh, good for you.
My God, you've come equipped.
You know, we don't have to choose between a workout and a cigar.
- We can have both.
- [SIGHS.]
- Look at this.
- He's the king.
Let the Viking games begin! [CROWD GROANS.]
Mamma mia, here I go again - Whoa! - Oh! Bjorn himself.
It can't be! Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no! Oh, look at this.
- This is a disaster.
- [EAGLE SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT ACOUSTIC MUSIC.]
Next stop, Birka Island.
All right, let's go.
[YELPING.]
Heading to my country, boys.
I am so excited.
We are heading to Viking Island.
This is where people live the Viking way of life.
Viking Island! I am fired up! My job was to find actual Vikings for Terry to meet, but they're all dead, so I found the next best thing.
It's an entire island where they dress up and show tourists exactly what it was like hundreds and hundreds of years ago.
Terry won't know the difference.
[SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
- Whoa! There's my island.
- Look at that island.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
[HOWLING.]
- Wow.
- I don't want to say anything, but that dude's wearing mascara.
Vikings are to be feared.
I'm not gonna go off pillaging with someone that's wearing mascara, mm.
Have you come here to be Vikings? - ALL: Yes.
- Yes, please.
- BOTH: Yes.
- Perfect.
Then you need to change clothes.
Wait.
Those are for us? Thank you.
Do you have a changing room? We don't change in rooms here.
- Right out in the open? - We change right here? - In front of every .
- God and the devil.
Yeah.
Find a tree.
- I need a big tree.
- [LAUGHS.]
Watch out.
Here we come.
We ain't going nowhere We ain't going nowhere we can't be stopped now 'Cause it's Bad Boy for life - Look at this.
- Are we making our way out? - Yes.
- All right.
I'm in.
- No.
- Yes, I have.
I do know what to do.
This is where the Vikings would have set off in little boats like this.
We're 700 A.
D.
, the beginning of the voyage of exploration.
- Bring on the war.
- We're a raiding party.
This is, like, one of the great experiences.
Can you imagine facing the open sea in what's not larger than a rowboat? I have to tell you something, I feel very Viking.
Everyone be cautious.
There's an animal to our right.
- Oh, my God.
- It's called a signet.
It's a baby.
I heard they taste like eagle.
The five of us, if we had to kill something to survive, we're pretty much dead.
We're dead.
Yeah, we're all dead.
BOTH: Oars out.
- Pull! - You guys go faster.
- One, two - [SHOUTING.]
[SHOUTS.]
[EPIC MUSIC.]
[GRUNTING.]
[HOWLING.]
Southern Vikings.
[SHOUTING.]
We are on the move.
[SHOUTING.]
- We're stuck.
- Vikings don't get stuck.
We're stuck in bushes.
After the mishap, we got out of the bushes Oars in.
- BOTH: Oars in.
- Oh, my God.
Everything hurts.
And into this charming little village.
Look at this.
There's a whole population.
[FIFE MUSIC.]
This is amazing.
Wow.
- What's up, man? - Hi, everybody.
I like this.
Feeling good.
This is an authentic experience, here in a farm village, how they must have lived hundreds of years ago.
Hello, sweetheart.
- Making - Door hinges.
Wow.
Beautiful.
Being a Viking is in Terry's DNA.
I mean, these are his people.
[LAUGHTER.]
- [SHOUTING.]
- The games they play - are awesome.
- [SHOUTING.]
It's like a whole town of Terry Bradshaw.
Ohh! Ohh! "Terryland.
" Did you see these games they're playing? I know.
Rough and ready.
I could never play those games.
No.
They're Viking games.
They get you ready for war.
- Go, go, go! - Ohh! Look at that.
Oh, and he's showboating.
No helmet to helmet.
I'm home.
- This is great.
- Oh! [SNORING.]
- Listen to the crowd.
- Oh! [LAUGHTER.]
Oh, my God.
- George.
- No matter where you are.
Yeah.
I got a snack for us.
- Oh, yeah.
- Swedish Fish.
[EAGLE SCREECHES.]
[INTENSE MUSIC.]
Viking island.
Exciting.
Hey, you came here to be a Viking.
What do you think? I'm feeling that I am a Viking.
The Vikings only lived to be 32 years.
- Really? - I'm 68.
Yeah.
You're killing it.
Look at this.
- He's the king.
- Oh, my God.
Wait a minute.
Terry.
Where's Terry? It's go time.
[EPIC MUSIC.]
Terry has to pass grueling tests.
We thought, it's one for all, all for one, we would do these tests too.
Archery! [CROWD GROANS.]
- Good try.
- Seriously, that is just wrong.
Nothing! No! [LAUGHS.]
ALL: Ho! Ho! Ho! [CHEERING.]
- I hit it! - Nice.
I've still got it.
[ALL EXCLAIM.]
[SCREAMS.]
I don't give a damn [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
[CHEERING.]
- I'm the man.
- I'm the man [SCREAMING.]
[CHEERING.]
- Nailed it! - I'm the man, come round That was really good, Henry.
[LAUGHTER.]
Listen to the crowd.
Ohh! All right.
All right.
Oh, yeah! All right.
Yes! Jeez Louise.
- You okay? - Absolutely.
There's no way I'm gonna do that.
My neck's killing me, I've got rheumatoid arthritis, and I don't see very well.
You will now test your skills with steel! Yeah! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a second.
- Oh! - Okay.
All right, Terry, I don't want to be a Viking this bad.
I don't either, actually.
There's no way I'm gonna do that, but don't worry.
I got an idea.
This isn't quite working out like I'd hoped it would.
- Yeah.
- What's the chances of we can have some kind of agreement here.
I'll tell you what.
Here.
You take it all.
Look, you know, sometimes you just got to flash a couple of Benjamins, or what do they call them? Bjorns.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- Wow.
[SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
- Nice job, TB.
- That's a Viking.
I knew it! I knew it! Isn't this great? I've been waiting for this on the whole trip.
- You did it.
- Thank you, King.
- He is a Viking.
- Terry's done a terrible thing.
Something very fishy is going on very fishy.
[CROWD GROANS.]
- Oh.
- Wait a minute.
- It's the herring.
- Is that that herring? Oh, no, no.
Oh, I don't think so.
I'd rather stick my nose two foot up a camel's butt.
Hold it.
I [COUGHS.]
I don't think I'm No, that ain't gonna happen, king old boy.
That ain't gonna happen.
[COUGHING.]
I'm getting myself sick.
I know what that stuff is.
I'm not doing it, man.
You got to eat the herring.
I'm not doing that.
No part of that.
No, you ain't getting the horn back.
Let's get out of here! Let's go, boys! Come on! Go, go, go, go, go.
- Follow me! Follow me! - [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
[ALL SHOUTING.]
Why in the hell are we running? This is a fake Viking island.
Well, maybe these guys just really get into their roles.
I think it's fun.
[HOWLING.]
[REGAL MUSIC.]
Poor Terry.
Turns out he's not a Viking, but I've got something I know is gonna cheer him up.
Oh, yeah.
Look at the size of that meatball.
This is a vegetarian's nightmare.
That's not a meatball.
That's the cow.
Dig in.
These are coming down.
- Coming down.
- These smell like sweet pickles.
Ooh.
Gotta have those.
- Thank you.
- Man, that is good.
Swedish meatballs.
You talk about good.
- This is good! - [KISSES.]
Beautiful.
- Hello, guys.
Everything fine? - Really good.
- Hello.
- What are the different meatballs? These big ones? Oh, these moose balls.
- Moose? - Moose balls.
Yes.
Real moose meat? - Moose meat, of course.
- And the next one? - The next one is goat.
- And then the little tiny one? - It's rabbit balls.
- Rabbit balls.
The little guys are rabbit balls.
And then you see the Swedish balls, of course.
- Now you're talking.
- Yeah.
That is regular Swedish meatballs.
So is this some sort of, like, feminist establishment? - Of course.
- Got all these balls.
It's just for us girls.
Yeah.
What's your favorite kind of balls? And be honest.
- Guys' balls.
- Oh, boy.
There's no guys' balls here today.
Not on the table, of course, but - Just the bench.
- On the bench, yes.
I will bring you the salt.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- Balls to the walls here, boys.
- You don't want it? It's got a hair in it.
I don't like when there's hair on the balls.
[LAUGHS.]
God, you guys with these ball jokes.
- Don't be so testy.
- [LAUGHS.]
Here I am trying to enjoy an authentic Swedish dish, and these guys can't behave themselves.
Can't we just agree to be mannerly for once? You guys have bad manners.
I bet I could catch one of these meatballs in my mouth from way over there.
[LAUGHS.]
Meatballs! Do not throw a meatball.
Here we are.
- Oh.
- [BUZZER SOUNDS.]
[EPIC MUSIC.]
[BUZZER SOUNDS.]
- Oh.
- [BUZZER SOUNDS.]
[BELL DINGS.]
Got it! [CLAPPING.]
Touchdown.
- Don't play with the balls! - [LAUGHTER.]
This is a Swedish formal dinner.
- Do we clink? - No.
Oh.
"Dancing Queen.
" That'll get you going.
Are you serious, George? - Terry - Yeah.
Did you change anything about yourself today? - Same old me.
- [EAGLE SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[HORN BLARING.]
Is this a maritime nation or what? - Yep.
Sure is.
- Now, this is how you do it.
Look at this.
We're halfway through the trip now, and every time we go somewhere, every one of us learns something new.
The journey that we've all been on I can only imagine all you actors have had roles presented to you and you went, "Nah.
" - Yeah, I have.
- And that role ended up being truly one of the great John Travolta in "Grease.
" They asked me to do "Grease," and I said "no," because I had just done the Fonz.
Didn't want to be pigeonholed.
And I didn't want to be pigeonholed, and what I didn't realize you're gonna be pigeonholed anyway.
- Yeah.
- George, do you have any regret in your career at all? I went to the Olympics, and I waved a small American flag and no one else was doing it.
I wish I had had two.
I love to hear about these guys' stories.
They're telling stories from their heart.
It isn't like an interview.
This is something that's coming spontaneously out of them.
I've looked back, and my whole thing was, "Well, he's dumb.
" And do I regret people thinking of me like that? Yeah, but I've had a long career being dumb! - But you know you're not dumb.
- I know I'm not.
Yeah.
Of course.
But I've lived with it, and I've manufactured it.
Beautiful.
What about you, Bill? Any regrets? I think regrets is the saddest emotion, is regret of something you might have done, because whatever the decision you've made, your body and your mind has made it, given the best information you've had at that moment, so you can't regret it.
I feel like we learned a lot today.
I love all of you guys the same.
He's wearing you on his shoes.
Hey, Jeff! [HOWLS.]
- [HOOTING.]
- You guys have bad manners.
These guys need some evolution.
Why don't they realize that? - [HOWLING.]
- You need to have - some decorum.
- [LAUGHS.]
[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
It's important that you have manners.
We're going in here for an etiquette lesson.
As one of the most advanced countries in the world, the Swedes are some of the best mannered people.
What a better place to teach etiquette than right here and now? Terry and Jeff, particularly you guys.
What did I do? - Hello.
- How do you do? Welcome to this formal dinner.
How nice to meet you.
Yes.
We're anxious to learn everything you have to teach us.
- I'm Henry.
- Hello, Henry.
Very nice to see you.
That should not be done until we know each other.
- The lesson started already.
- So now you find your seats.
- Are you sitting here? - Yes, I am.
- Do I help you? - Thank you very much.
What good manners that is, Henry.
Thank you.
Being from the South and being raised by a Southern mother and father, I don't need an etiquette lesson.
I just learned you do the D.
The drinks are to the right, and the bread is to the left.
See? See how we do it? Those are very not important things to know.
The first thing you do when you sit down at a table, you take your napkins and you put them on your lap.
- [SLURPING.]
- That's very rude.
You sound like a locomotive.
Please, you should not drink until I have said "skol," as this is a Swedish formal dinner.
Good for you, Magdalena.
A little cracking of the whip is really good.
The Swedes they have manners, and it's etiquette.
I'm full of admiration.
- Skol, everybody.
- Do we clink? - No.
- No.
We're not clinking.
Looking into each other's eyes like this, it's a gesture of peace.
When you have the glass in your right hand, which you normally have for your weapon, then it's no possibility to put poison in the wine.
- Get out of here.
- And then you take a sip.
- And we sip quietly.
- I'm looking at you in the eye.
I would never poison you, so look wherever you'd like.
And then you hold your knife and fork as I do, and you put the piece in your mouth.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC.]
- QUESTION: I don't like this.
- But don't talk about it.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Okay.
- The epitome of right meets the gang of wrong.
In America, the table manners are - Pretty poor.
- You don't interrupt - You need a piece of bread.
- You don't interrupt - She's talking.
- Boys.
- Hey.
She's talking.
- My dear boys, you are being extremely impolite, all of you, right now.
- Okay.
- You are interrupting each other all the time, - which makes a formal co - Can't hear, can you? I'm sorry.
I just interrupted you.
We're not gonna learn a thing if you guys keep carrying on.
I would like for this guy to bring me some more white wine.
How do I go about that? You don't.
I would never say anything so stupid.
You just sit there and And be upset? You know what? I don't want to learn anything else.
I'm tired of learning.
Be nice.
You're not gonna eat this, right? No.
That is not done, Henry.
You don't touch other people's food, and you don't put it back.
- That's bad manners.
- I'm - No.
- I'm embarrassed by these guys' etiquette.
You can't even call it etiquette.
They're dastardly.
I would like to say that truly Skol! Shh, shh, shh.
When someone gives a speech, one is silent.
- Really.
- Magdalena.
Skol.
- To you, I say skol.
- Nope.
Once again.
One at a time.
- Skol.
- No.
- No clinking.
- You can't do that.
- Everyone.
- Skol.
- Skol.
- Never mind him.
Now the day's finished.
As much as I'm concerned.
- Are you giving up, Magdalena? - Skol.
- So I'm leaving you now.
- No, no, don't, 'cause they'll go nuts if you go.
Excuse me.
I'm leaving you.
- So embarrassed.
- Bye.
Oh, my God.
What, are you guys kidding? We're in a foreign country.
Do something in a foreign way! Be foreign! Jeff waste that wine, she was done.
- That was embarrassing.
- It's rude to point it out.
Oh! What's the etiquette on dessert? Where is Magdalena? She left.
She couldn't stand it.
What are you doing? Are you put [LAUGHS.]
Oh, my God.
That is horrible etiquette.
I'm leaving before this turns into even a bigger disaster.
That is horrible etiquette.
No.
Ow.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Have mercy.
- Ahh! [LAUGHTER.]
Oh, my God! - That is disgraceful.
- Ahh! There you go! [LAUGHTER.]
Where is Magdalena? I hope she didn't see this.
[EAGLE SCREECHING.]
[UPBEAT SYNTH MUSIC.]
I've wanted to come to Sweden for one reason in my whole life: ABBA.
If you're all alone When the pretty birds have flown Honey, I'm still free Take a chance on me George Foreman is a huge fan of ABBA, and so I got us into the museum.
But if we're going, we're going all the way.
Dancing queen Feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah You can dance You can jive Having the time Of your life [PHONE RINGS.]
Look at what they have accomplished.
This is some museum.
I KNOW ONE THING: I like the way they dress.
Look at all their clothes are here.
"Hey, where did I put that frilly onesie suit that I want to wear today?" And they're like, "Oh, it's at the museum.
" - Wow.
This is really real.
- That looks too real.
That's kind of scary Benny, Agnetha, Bjorn, and Anni-Frida.
Hey, there's a room over there that we could sing in.
I'll follow you.
Let's go.
This place has a room where you can recreate their music videos and their performances.
Don't give me a reason to start singing, 'cause I'm gonna sing.
Here we go! ALL: Mamma mia, here I go again My, my, how can I resist you? Mamma mia, does it show again? [ALL EXCLAIM.]
- Bjorn! - Hi, guys.
Can't be.
If I had to do the same again I would, my friend Fernando There was something in the air that night - Hi, guys.
- Looky here, looky here! - Wow! - Bjorn doesn't just surprise anybody, and then he was dressed in his ABBA clothes.
Come on.
It doesn't get better than that.
- Twinsies.
- Good standing.
I put a call into one of Bjorn's offices.
I never thought in a million years he'd show up, but here he is.
- Impossible.
- Here he is.
- Bjorn himself.
- Hi.
How are you, George? It can't be.
I can't believe Bjorn is here.
I happened to hear you.
I heard the sound.
It's not too bad.
Truly? All right.
I have this idea that I could teach you a song back in the studio.
Would that be interesting? - Wonderful.
- Yeah, of course.
- We would be honored.
- Look at us.
We're ready.
Ooh, I'm a rebel Just for kicks, now Let me kick it like it's 1986, now Might be over now Ooh I don't look like a Backstreet You do look like a Backstreet All right, well, then, Justin maybe.
Bjorn, I got to tell you on behalf of all of us, it is really a pleasure to meet you.
- You too.
- So you write in English.
Nobody wanted to listen to anything in Swedish at that time.
But women are way more hot here, so, like, why wouldn't you just, like, do it in Swedish, you know? Like, I've been around, you know what I'm saying? - Jeffrey - I'm embarrassed sitting beside him at this point.
He's 34, Bjorn.
We're all one foot in the grave, and we drag him around with us.
What does he do for you? He puts the other foot in the grave.
Not a lot.
[CROSSTALK.]
So what was that like in the beginning, that all of a sudden, boom, you're an international hit? You must have felt the same at some point in your career.
Yeah.
We all had that.
Did it ever happen, like, overnight for any one of you? One day, I was just kind of walking around like Henry, and the next day, people wanted my socks without ever taking off my shoes.
I stayed in my apartment, it was so scary.
- Wow.
- Jesus.
- He loved his socks.
- [LAUGHTER.]
I have this wonderful idea.
What if I teach you "Dancing Queen"? "Dancing Queen"? That's the song I used to warm up to.
- Are you serious, George? - That's what you warmed up to? I mean, that's some that'll get you going.
- You are the - Dancing queen - Yeah, baby! - George! Young and sweet ALL: Only 17 You can dance, you can jive Having the time of your life - Ohh - ALL: See that girl Dancing queen Hey, Henry, why don't you sing the low part so low - we can't hear you, okay? - [LAUGHTER.]
We should try this in front of an audience.
- What? - Oh, yeah.
- I love that idea.
- No, no, no.
You gotta be with us.
I have an audience across the street, I will take you there.
You're ready! Let's do it! Now, you're gonna hear them sing.
Okay.
Here we go.
Pants are a little tight, Jeff.
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS.]
Hold it.
Hold it.
Okay, now I can hear you.
I got better reception.
[EAGLE SCREECHES.]
We're in Sweden dressed in ABBA clothes.
This is definitely on my list of things to do before I take off out of this life.
Just look at me.
I know I look good.
[ABBA'S "GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!".]
Half past 12 Watchin' the late show In my flat all alone How I hate to spend The evening on my own When he said "a little place across the street," I thought he meant some comedy hole like where I work, but this place is huge, it's packed.
The place is going nuts.
The pressure is on.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- There's a lot of people.
- I think he's gonna introduce us.
[SPEAKING SWEDISH.]
.
Thank you, guys.
I'll do this in English, because they want to know what I'm saying about them.
I'll begin with these four legend.
AN AMERICAN FOOTBALL HERO: Terry Bradshaw.
Hi, Terry.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
And we have another sports legend: heavyweight world champion boxer George Foreman.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
And the next guy, you all remember him most fondly: the Fonz in "Happy Days.
" - Henry Winkler! - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
And then we have a guy who you would have seen as Captain Kirk of USS Enterprise in "Star Trek.
" William Shatner! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
That's William! Yeah! Imagine these guys dressed up just for me.
And then, of course, we have someone - Jeff Dye.
- He's a - He carries our luggage.
- Yeah.
Here he comes now.
You can't miss him.
Oh, there he is! Jeff Dye! Jeff.
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
- Jeff Dye.
We're about to perform with Bjorn.
How exciting.
I wouldn't take anything for this moment.
Now we're gonna hear them sing.
- We got this now.
- Okay.
Here we go.
[ABBA'S "DANCING QUEEN".]
ALL: You are the dancing Queen Young and sweet, only 17 Dancing queen Feel the beat on the tambourine Oh, yeah You can dance, you can jive Having the time of your life Ooh We had a great time in Sweden.
It doesn't get better than this.
ALL: Dig in the dancing queen [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Thank you, Stockholm! It is amazing to me that there is always that much more to learn about each other.
Terry came here convinced he was a Viking.
- You're not a Viking.
- Let's get out of here! And George is a super huge ABBA fan.
"Dancing Queen"? Are you serious, George? - I didn't see that coming.
- [HOWLS.]
And maybe that's the point that somehow, being on this trip together opens us up as human beings and we are willing to share with each other.
It's not just seeing the sights.
We're here as best friends who have become family.
- Got it.
- Don't play with the balls.
Ahh! - Oh! - No! I wouldn't give this up for anything.
Those pants are a little tight, Jeff.
- [THUD.]
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Oh, what a shame.
[GOAT BLEATING.]
- No milk.
- An udder failure.
NARRATOR: They're back.
[LINDSEY BUCKINGHAM'S "HOLIDAY ROAD".]
Four living legends We got this down.
NARRATOR: Saddle up again.
Give my best to my family.
NARRATOR: For a European adventure they'll never forget.
TV superstar Choke on that, Germany.
Whoo! I'm on caffeine! - NARRATOR: Cultural icon - Wow.
Whoa.
Whoa.
NARRATOR: NFL Hall of Famer TB is glad to be here! Buenos dias.
NARRATOR: Former heavyweight champion [SCREAMS.]
[WOLF WHISTLE.]
NARRATOR: Jeff Dye as the sidekick.
Do you takes Visa? [HOWLING.]
We're gonna find your roots, Terry.
- Calling my people.
- [HOWLS.]
You are being extremely impolite right now.
NARRATOR: Just when you thought it was safe to go back on vacation.
- Fermented herring.
- [COUGHING.]
- Bill, please.
- How much don't you want this? [SPITS.]
Oh, [BLEEP.]
! [EAGLE SCREECHES.]
[THE RAMONES' "BLITZKRIEG BOP".]
- Going to my world.
- Yes.
Which is Sweden, 'cause I am a roaring Viking.
Finally, a place all about me.
We're going to the birth OF MY ANCESTORS: Sweden! [YELPS.]
- What was that? - That's my call to my woman.
I swear to God, I thought that was an elk.
Swedish meatballs and Vikings.
I don't want to fight any Vikings, but I sure would like to fight some of those meatballs.
Here we go, Sweden.
Let's go.
- Hey, ho, let's go - Hey, ho, let's go Hey, ho, let's go Hey, ho Let's go Good news, guys.
We're here.
They're generating steam heat Hey, ho, let's go Shoot 'em in the back, now Hey, ho, let's go They call me Hell They call me Stacey They call me her They call me Jane That's not my name That's not my name, that's not my name That's not my name That's not my name, that's not my name - Here we are.
- Beautiful.
This is all about Terry's territory.
- Yeah.
- Terry's territory? This doesn't look like Oklahoma to me.
I am excited about finally finding my roots.
Uh! [YELPING.]
I'm calling my people.
We're gonna find your roots, Terry.
I've never done one of those, you know, spit things where you find out what you are in your DNA/ But, I mean, come on, I look like a Viking, I'm a big man, powerfully built, deep set eyes.
I mean, seriously, I'm a warrior.
Now wait a minute.
The thing is that you are not a Viking.
You know, they're intelligent Oh, no! I can't believe you called me stupid.
- I didn't! - You did! No, I didn't call you stupid.
Henry, did he? Did he? - No.
- Well, he said that Vikings were very intelligent, and you're not.
- Exactly! - I didn't say you're not.
Oh, yes you did.
Run back the tape! Vikings were very smart.
They invented new tools, discovered new worlds.
That kind of intelligence is simply not something everyone can claim.
Bill, I can't believe you called me stupid.
I'm telling you, I'm not gonna get over that for a while.
As fun as it is to listen to Bill and Terry go back and forth with each other, I figure that the guys are super hungry.
Let's get lunch.
A little lunch will help you.
So I organized a special Swedish treat.
[STRING MUSIC.]
I got a treat for you guys.
Just sit on down.
Oh, my God.
Pheasant under the glass.
Whoo! - You wish, but I like it.
- I've seen this on TV, man.
I like that guess.
Last time I went on vacation with these ding-dongs, they made me eat all sort of crazy crap.
- What is that? - [SPEAKING JAPANESE.]
Looks like worms! Ugh! - This is not food.
- BOTH: Oh.
So this time, got an authentic Viking treat.
Nothing is more Swedish than what we're about to eat.
This is called [TENSE MUSIC.]
fermented herring.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
This is a can of tuna fish.
I mean, how bad can can this be? - You'll be first.
- Yeah, yeah.
I can do this.
Yeah, hook it on there.
- [CAN HISSES.]
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - Oh, my God.
- Oh, [BLEEP.]
.
- What is it? - Oh, that [BLEEP.]
.
[GAGGING, COUGHING.]
Oh! Oh, God.
Awful stuff.
God.
Oh, my God.
- You mean you don't like it? - Do you smell that over here? I got that [BLEEP.]
on my hands.
Golly! Oh, what a dummy I am.
I'm running away from the odor, but I didn't realize it's all over my shirt.
It's in my hat.
It's in my hat.
Oh! Oh! It's on my fingers.
- [CAN HISSES.]
- Oh! Oh, my gosh.
That smells like a port-a-potty.
- Now come on.
- Oh! This is a joke.
I'm telling you, it was like decomposing bodies.
It was so nauseating.
They're gonna eat it.
Oh! Don't do it! - [CAN HISSES.]
- Ooh! - Oh.
- That is so gross.
- If you do that, I am - This is how they would have to transport their herring this way.
This is the way you lived - Bill.
- As you crossed the oceans.
This is a delicacy.
First of all, I'm gonna eat the fermented herring.
There's no question in my mind.
I am going to eat the fermented herring.
- This is Viking stuff.
- [RETCHING.]
Watch this! Oh! [MUSIC BUILDS.]
Oh! [GAGS.]
- No! - Ugh! Oh, my God.
Wow.
- Oh! - Look at big George too.
I am - Oh! - You don't know what you're missing.
I didn't mind the herring.
As a matter of fact, I'd have it again.
Ohh! [LAUGHS.]
No, Bill.
Come here, Terry.
- My back's killing me.
- Come here.
- No, Bill! - Come here, Terry.
No, seriously.
- No! - Oh, run him down.
I will I got you now, Terry! - Oh! - I got you now.
Bill, please.
I pray.
I pray.
- No.
No.
Right there.
- [GRUNTING, COUGHING.]
- How much don't you - [BLEEP.]
- [GAGGING.]
Bill - How much? [SPITS.]
Oh, [BLEEP.]
! Oh, Bill, get away! Undoubtedly, the low point of my career is the fact that I just got sacked by Shatner.
To know that you ran me down pisses me off.
I encourage everybody out there that's watching this right now to order this through the mail and give it to the person you can't stand the most.
I got a few people I would like to send a few cans to.
Ex-wife.
I'm out of here.
Boy, that is some gross [BLEEP.]
.
[FLIES BUZZING.]
Jeffrey, did you find us a hotel? Yes, I did.
You're gonna love it.
We're going back to the airport? - This is the hotel.
- Really? It's cool, huh? How does he find these places? I've never seen any of these places in a guide book.
No.
He's diligent.
He's diligent about finding places.
Yeah.
That don't exist anywhere else in anybody's travel plans.
- Are we staying in the plane? - Yeah.
Cool, huh? Once you see the rooms, you won't be so mad about the stairs.
Plain and simple, fellas.
We're on a plane.
This is awesome.
So we took an airplane to Sweden, and now we are here staying in this hotel, which is an airplane.
Look at this.
Where there were seats, there are now hotel rooms.
- For goodness' sake.
- Let me see.
There's so many rooms.
[TOILET FLUSHES.]
I'm not sure I would like to be here.
- Why? - It's claustrophobic.
- It's cool.
- No, it's not cool.
Are we staying here? Disaster.
Hey.
- This place is dope.
- This is unacceptable for me.
Couldn't we have stayed at someplace cool, like, five-star hotel? Well, this is, like, not about five-star hotels.
It's about seeing the most unique things in the world.
I come a long way to sleep in another plane.
I can sleep anywhere.
That does not come as news, George.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC.]
- Good night, guys.
- I'm down for the count.
Mm.
Why's it so bright? Oh.
[EERIE MUSIC.]
How are we supposed to get sleep if it's never dark out? - Oh, yeah.
This is - What is that? It's a mask I use when I go to sleep.
- You use that? - It's good for your skin.
Okay.
The sun is out.
I can't sleep.
Okay.
What better time to have a workout? [UPBEAT MUSIC.]
And good morning, Stockholm.
- Hey, come on.
- Who is this lady? Ho! Follow me.
All the way.
Up! Yeah.
Yeah.
Even though they are maybe older gentlemen, that's no excuse.
You got to still keep your body good.
- BOTH: Oh, yeah.
.
- Whoo! And in the '80s, these guys were all, like, baller.
Whoa.
Super.
Yeah.
Nowadays, they're more like long-balling.
Wow! Yeah! Hey! Yeah.
Ho! [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Hey! Hey! Whoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! This is the weirdest hotel gym I've ever seen.
That's it for me.
- What? - I'm out.
Where are you going, Terry? This is by far the weirdest hotel I've ever stayed in, and their exercise program is even weirder.
Oh, God bless.
Do you have a light? I do.
Oh, good for you.
My God, you've come equipped.
You know, we don't have to choose between a workout and a cigar.
- We can have both.
- [SIGHS.]
- Look at this.
- He's the king.
Let the Viking games begin! [CROWD GROANS.]
Mamma mia, here I go again - Whoa! - Oh! Bjorn himself.
It can't be! Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no! Oh, look at this.
- This is a disaster.
- [EAGLE SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT ACOUSTIC MUSIC.]
Next stop, Birka Island.
All right, let's go.
[YELPING.]
Heading to my country, boys.
I am so excited.
We are heading to Viking Island.
This is where people live the Viking way of life.
Viking Island! I am fired up! My job was to find actual Vikings for Terry to meet, but they're all dead, so I found the next best thing.
It's an entire island where they dress up and show tourists exactly what it was like hundreds and hundreds of years ago.
Terry won't know the difference.
[SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
- Whoa! There's my island.
- Look at that island.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
[HOWLING.]
- Wow.
- I don't want to say anything, but that dude's wearing mascara.
Vikings are to be feared.
I'm not gonna go off pillaging with someone that's wearing mascara, mm.
Have you come here to be Vikings? - ALL: Yes.
- Yes, please.
- BOTH: Yes.
- Perfect.
Then you need to change clothes.
Wait.
Those are for us? Thank you.
Do you have a changing room? We don't change in rooms here.
- Right out in the open? - We change right here? - In front of every .
- God and the devil.
Yeah.
Find a tree.
- I need a big tree.
- [LAUGHS.]
Watch out.
Here we come.
We ain't going nowhere We ain't going nowhere we can't be stopped now 'Cause it's Bad Boy for life - Look at this.
- Are we making our way out? - Yes.
- All right.
I'm in.
- No.
- Yes, I have.
I do know what to do.
This is where the Vikings would have set off in little boats like this.
We're 700 A.
D.
, the beginning of the voyage of exploration.
- Bring on the war.
- We're a raiding party.
This is, like, one of the great experiences.
Can you imagine facing the open sea in what's not larger than a rowboat? I have to tell you something, I feel very Viking.
Everyone be cautious.
There's an animal to our right.
- Oh, my God.
- It's called a signet.
It's a baby.
I heard they taste like eagle.
The five of us, if we had to kill something to survive, we're pretty much dead.
We're dead.
Yeah, we're all dead.
BOTH: Oars out.
- Pull! - You guys go faster.
- One, two - [SHOUTING.]
[SHOUTS.]
[EPIC MUSIC.]
[GRUNTING.]
[HOWLING.]
Southern Vikings.
[SHOUTING.]
We are on the move.
[SHOUTING.]
- We're stuck.
- Vikings don't get stuck.
We're stuck in bushes.
After the mishap, we got out of the bushes Oars in.
- BOTH: Oars in.
- Oh, my God.
Everything hurts.
And into this charming little village.
Look at this.
There's a whole population.
[FIFE MUSIC.]
This is amazing.
Wow.
- What's up, man? - Hi, everybody.
I like this.
Feeling good.
This is an authentic experience, here in a farm village, how they must have lived hundreds of years ago.
Hello, sweetheart.
- Making - Door hinges.
Wow.
Beautiful.
Being a Viking is in Terry's DNA.
I mean, these are his people.
[LAUGHTER.]
- [SHOUTING.]
- The games they play - are awesome.
- [SHOUTING.]
It's like a whole town of Terry Bradshaw.
Ohh! Ohh! "Terryland.
" Did you see these games they're playing? I know.
Rough and ready.
I could never play those games.
No.
They're Viking games.
They get you ready for war.
- Go, go, go! - Ohh! Look at that.
Oh, and he's showboating.
No helmet to helmet.
I'm home.
- This is great.
- Oh! [SNORING.]
- Listen to the crowd.
- Oh! [LAUGHTER.]
Oh, my God.
- George.
- No matter where you are.
Yeah.
I got a snack for us.
- Oh, yeah.
- Swedish Fish.
[EAGLE SCREECHES.]
[INTENSE MUSIC.]
Viking island.
Exciting.
Hey, you came here to be a Viking.
What do you think? I'm feeling that I am a Viking.
The Vikings only lived to be 32 years.
- Really? - I'm 68.
Yeah.
You're killing it.
Look at this.
- He's the king.
- Oh, my God.
Wait a minute.
Terry.
Where's Terry? It's go time.
[EPIC MUSIC.]
Terry has to pass grueling tests.
We thought, it's one for all, all for one, we would do these tests too.
Archery! [CROWD GROANS.]
- Good try.
- Seriously, that is just wrong.
Nothing! No! [LAUGHS.]
ALL: Ho! Ho! Ho! [CHEERING.]
- I hit it! - Nice.
I've still got it.
[ALL EXCLAIM.]
[SCREAMS.]
I don't give a damn [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
[CHEERING.]
- I'm the man.
- I'm the man [SCREAMING.]
[CHEERING.]
- Nailed it! - I'm the man, come round That was really good, Henry.
[LAUGHTER.]
Listen to the crowd.
Ohh! All right.
All right.
Oh, yeah! All right.
Yes! Jeez Louise.
- You okay? - Absolutely.
There's no way I'm gonna do that.
My neck's killing me, I've got rheumatoid arthritis, and I don't see very well.
You will now test your skills with steel! Yeah! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a second.
- Oh! - Okay.
All right, Terry, I don't want to be a Viking this bad.
I don't either, actually.
There's no way I'm gonna do that, but don't worry.
I got an idea.
This isn't quite working out like I'd hoped it would.
- Yeah.
- What's the chances of we can have some kind of agreement here.
I'll tell you what.
Here.
You take it all.
Look, you know, sometimes you just got to flash a couple of Benjamins, or what do they call them? Bjorns.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- Wow.
[SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
- Nice job, TB.
- That's a Viking.
I knew it! I knew it! Isn't this great? I've been waiting for this on the whole trip.
- You did it.
- Thank you, King.
- He is a Viking.
- Terry's done a terrible thing.
Something very fishy is going on very fishy.
[CROWD GROANS.]
- Oh.
- Wait a minute.
- It's the herring.
- Is that that herring? Oh, no, no.
Oh, I don't think so.
I'd rather stick my nose two foot up a camel's butt.
Hold it.
I [COUGHS.]
I don't think I'm No, that ain't gonna happen, king old boy.
That ain't gonna happen.
[COUGHING.]
I'm getting myself sick.
I know what that stuff is.
I'm not doing it, man.
You got to eat the herring.
I'm not doing that.
No part of that.
No, you ain't getting the horn back.
Let's get out of here! Let's go, boys! Come on! Go, go, go, go, go.
- Follow me! Follow me! - [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
[ALL SHOUTING.]
Why in the hell are we running? This is a fake Viking island.
Well, maybe these guys just really get into their roles.
I think it's fun.
[HOWLING.]
[REGAL MUSIC.]
Poor Terry.
Turns out he's not a Viking, but I've got something I know is gonna cheer him up.
Oh, yeah.
Look at the size of that meatball.
This is a vegetarian's nightmare.
That's not a meatball.
That's the cow.
Dig in.
These are coming down.
- Coming down.
- These smell like sweet pickles.
Ooh.
Gotta have those.
- Thank you.
- Man, that is good.
Swedish meatballs.
You talk about good.
- This is good! - [KISSES.]
Beautiful.
- Hello, guys.
Everything fine? - Really good.
- Hello.
- What are the different meatballs? These big ones? Oh, these moose balls.
- Moose? - Moose balls.
Yes.
Real moose meat? - Moose meat, of course.
- And the next one? - The next one is goat.
- And then the little tiny one? - It's rabbit balls.
- Rabbit balls.
The little guys are rabbit balls.
And then you see the Swedish balls, of course.
- Now you're talking.
- Yeah.
That is regular Swedish meatballs.
So is this some sort of, like, feminist establishment? - Of course.
- Got all these balls.
It's just for us girls.
Yeah.
What's your favorite kind of balls? And be honest.
- Guys' balls.
- Oh, boy.
There's no guys' balls here today.
Not on the table, of course, but - Just the bench.
- On the bench, yes.
I will bring you the salt.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- Balls to the walls here, boys.
- You don't want it? It's got a hair in it.
I don't like when there's hair on the balls.
[LAUGHS.]
God, you guys with these ball jokes.
- Don't be so testy.
- [LAUGHS.]
Here I am trying to enjoy an authentic Swedish dish, and these guys can't behave themselves.
Can't we just agree to be mannerly for once? You guys have bad manners.
I bet I could catch one of these meatballs in my mouth from way over there.
[LAUGHS.]
Meatballs! Do not throw a meatball.
Here we are.
- Oh.
- [BUZZER SOUNDS.]
[EPIC MUSIC.]
[BUZZER SOUNDS.]
- Oh.
- [BUZZER SOUNDS.]
[BELL DINGS.]
Got it! [CLAPPING.]
Touchdown.
- Don't play with the balls! - [LAUGHTER.]
This is a Swedish formal dinner.
- Do we clink? - No.
Oh.
"Dancing Queen.
" That'll get you going.
Are you serious, George? - Terry - Yeah.
Did you change anything about yourself today? - Same old me.
- [EAGLE SCREECHES.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
[HORN BLARING.]
Is this a maritime nation or what? - Yep.
Sure is.
- Now, this is how you do it.
Look at this.
We're halfway through the trip now, and every time we go somewhere, every one of us learns something new.
The journey that we've all been on I can only imagine all you actors have had roles presented to you and you went, "Nah.
" - Yeah, I have.
- And that role ended up being truly one of the great John Travolta in "Grease.
" They asked me to do "Grease," and I said "no," because I had just done the Fonz.
Didn't want to be pigeonholed.
And I didn't want to be pigeonholed, and what I didn't realize you're gonna be pigeonholed anyway.
- Yeah.
- George, do you have any regret in your career at all? I went to the Olympics, and I waved a small American flag and no one else was doing it.
I wish I had had two.
I love to hear about these guys' stories.
They're telling stories from their heart.
It isn't like an interview.
This is something that's coming spontaneously out of them.
I've looked back, and my whole thing was, "Well, he's dumb.
" And do I regret people thinking of me like that? Yeah, but I've had a long career being dumb! - But you know you're not dumb.
- I know I'm not.
Yeah.
Of course.
But I've lived with it, and I've manufactured it.
Beautiful.
What about you, Bill? Any regrets? I think regrets is the saddest emotion, is regret of something you might have done, because whatever the decision you've made, your body and your mind has made it, given the best information you've had at that moment, so you can't regret it.
I feel like we learned a lot today.
I love all of you guys the same.
He's wearing you on his shoes.
Hey, Jeff! [HOWLS.]
- [HOOTING.]
- You guys have bad manners.
These guys need some evolution.
Why don't they realize that? - [HOWLING.]
- You need to have - some decorum.
- [LAUGHS.]
[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
It's important that you have manners.
We're going in here for an etiquette lesson.
As one of the most advanced countries in the world, the Swedes are some of the best mannered people.
What a better place to teach etiquette than right here and now? Terry and Jeff, particularly you guys.
What did I do? - Hello.
- How do you do? Welcome to this formal dinner.
How nice to meet you.
Yes.
We're anxious to learn everything you have to teach us.
- I'm Henry.
- Hello, Henry.
Very nice to see you.
That should not be done until we know each other.
- The lesson started already.
- So now you find your seats.
- Are you sitting here? - Yes, I am.
- Do I help you? - Thank you very much.
What good manners that is, Henry.
Thank you.
Being from the South and being raised by a Southern mother and father, I don't need an etiquette lesson.
I just learned you do the D.
The drinks are to the right, and the bread is to the left.
See? See how we do it? Those are very not important things to know.
The first thing you do when you sit down at a table, you take your napkins and you put them on your lap.
- [SLURPING.]
- That's very rude.
You sound like a locomotive.
Please, you should not drink until I have said "skol," as this is a Swedish formal dinner.
Good for you, Magdalena.
A little cracking of the whip is really good.
The Swedes they have manners, and it's etiquette.
I'm full of admiration.
- Skol, everybody.
- Do we clink? - No.
- No.
We're not clinking.
Looking into each other's eyes like this, it's a gesture of peace.
When you have the glass in your right hand, which you normally have for your weapon, then it's no possibility to put poison in the wine.
- Get out of here.
- And then you take a sip.
- And we sip quietly.
- I'm looking at you in the eye.
I would never poison you, so look wherever you'd like.
And then you hold your knife and fork as I do, and you put the piece in your mouth.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC.]
- QUESTION: I don't like this.
- But don't talk about it.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Okay.
- The epitome of right meets the gang of wrong.
In America, the table manners are - Pretty poor.
- You don't interrupt - You need a piece of bread.
- You don't interrupt - She's talking.
- Boys.
- Hey.
She's talking.
- My dear boys, you are being extremely impolite, all of you, right now.
- Okay.
- You are interrupting each other all the time, - which makes a formal co - Can't hear, can you? I'm sorry.
I just interrupted you.
We're not gonna learn a thing if you guys keep carrying on.
I would like for this guy to bring me some more white wine.
How do I go about that? You don't.
I would never say anything so stupid.
You just sit there and And be upset? You know what? I don't want to learn anything else.
I'm tired of learning.
Be nice.
You're not gonna eat this, right? No.
That is not done, Henry.
You don't touch other people's food, and you don't put it back.
- That's bad manners.
- I'm - No.
- I'm embarrassed by these guys' etiquette.
You can't even call it etiquette.
They're dastardly.
I would like to say that truly Skol! Shh, shh, shh.
When someone gives a speech, one is silent.
- Really.
- Magdalena.
Skol.
- To you, I say skol.
- Nope.
Once again.
One at a time.
- Skol.
- No.
- No clinking.
- You can't do that.
- Everyone.
- Skol.
- Skol.
- Never mind him.
Now the day's finished.
As much as I'm concerned.
- Are you giving up, Magdalena? - Skol.
- So I'm leaving you now.
- No, no, don't, 'cause they'll go nuts if you go.
Excuse me.
I'm leaving you.
- So embarrassed.
- Bye.
Oh, my God.
What, are you guys kidding? We're in a foreign country.
Do something in a foreign way! Be foreign! Jeff waste that wine, she was done.
- That was embarrassing.
- It's rude to point it out.
Oh! What's the etiquette on dessert? Where is Magdalena? She left.
She couldn't stand it.
What are you doing? Are you put [LAUGHS.]
Oh, my God.
That is horrible etiquette.
I'm leaving before this turns into even a bigger disaster.
That is horrible etiquette.
No.
Ow.
[LAUGHTER.]
- Have mercy.
- Ahh! [LAUGHTER.]
Oh, my God! - That is disgraceful.
- Ahh! There you go! [LAUGHTER.]
Where is Magdalena? I hope she didn't see this.
[EAGLE SCREECHING.]
[UPBEAT SYNTH MUSIC.]
I've wanted to come to Sweden for one reason in my whole life: ABBA.
If you're all alone When the pretty birds have flown Honey, I'm still free Take a chance on me George Foreman is a huge fan of ABBA, and so I got us into the museum.
But if we're going, we're going all the way.
Dancing queen Feel the beat from the tambourine, oh yeah You can dance You can jive Having the time Of your life [PHONE RINGS.]
Look at what they have accomplished.
This is some museum.
I KNOW ONE THING: I like the way they dress.
Look at all their clothes are here.
"Hey, where did I put that frilly onesie suit that I want to wear today?" And they're like, "Oh, it's at the museum.
" - Wow.
This is really real.
- That looks too real.
That's kind of scary Benny, Agnetha, Bjorn, and Anni-Frida.
Hey, there's a room over there that we could sing in.
I'll follow you.
Let's go.
This place has a room where you can recreate their music videos and their performances.
Don't give me a reason to start singing, 'cause I'm gonna sing.
Here we go! ALL: Mamma mia, here I go again My, my, how can I resist you? Mamma mia, does it show again? [ALL EXCLAIM.]
- Bjorn! - Hi, guys.
Can't be.
If I had to do the same again I would, my friend Fernando There was something in the air that night - Hi, guys.
- Looky here, looky here! - Wow! - Bjorn doesn't just surprise anybody, and then he was dressed in his ABBA clothes.
Come on.
It doesn't get better than that.
- Twinsies.
- Good standing.
I put a call into one of Bjorn's offices.
I never thought in a million years he'd show up, but here he is.
- Impossible.
- Here he is.
- Bjorn himself.
- Hi.
How are you, George? It can't be.
I can't believe Bjorn is here.
I happened to hear you.
I heard the sound.
It's not too bad.
Truly? All right.
I have this idea that I could teach you a song back in the studio.
Would that be interesting? - Wonderful.
- Yeah, of course.
- We would be honored.
- Look at us.
We're ready.
Ooh, I'm a rebel Just for kicks, now Let me kick it like it's 1986, now Might be over now Ooh I don't look like a Backstreet You do look like a Backstreet All right, well, then, Justin maybe.
Bjorn, I got to tell you on behalf of all of us, it is really a pleasure to meet you.
- You too.
- So you write in English.
Nobody wanted to listen to anything in Swedish at that time.
But women are way more hot here, so, like, why wouldn't you just, like, do it in Swedish, you know? Like, I've been around, you know what I'm saying? - Jeffrey - I'm embarrassed sitting beside him at this point.
He's 34, Bjorn.
We're all one foot in the grave, and we drag him around with us.
What does he do for you? He puts the other foot in the grave.
Not a lot.
[CROSSTALK.]
So what was that like in the beginning, that all of a sudden, boom, you're an international hit? You must have felt the same at some point in your career.
Yeah.
We all had that.
Did it ever happen, like, overnight for any one of you? One day, I was just kind of walking around like Henry, and the next day, people wanted my socks without ever taking off my shoes.
I stayed in my apartment, it was so scary.
- Wow.
- Jesus.
- He loved his socks.
- [LAUGHTER.]
I have this wonderful idea.
What if I teach you "Dancing Queen"? "Dancing Queen"? That's the song I used to warm up to.
- Are you serious, George? - That's what you warmed up to? I mean, that's some that'll get you going.
- You are the - Dancing queen - Yeah, baby! - George! Young and sweet ALL: Only 17 You can dance, you can jive Having the time of your life - Ohh - ALL: See that girl Dancing queen Hey, Henry, why don't you sing the low part so low - we can't hear you, okay? - [LAUGHTER.]
We should try this in front of an audience.
- What? - Oh, yeah.
- I love that idea.
- No, no, no.
You gotta be with us.
I have an audience across the street, I will take you there.
You're ready! Let's do it! Now, you're gonna hear them sing.
Okay.
Here we go.
Pants are a little tight, Jeff.
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS.]
Hold it.
Hold it.
Okay, now I can hear you.
I got better reception.
[EAGLE SCREECHES.]
We're in Sweden dressed in ABBA clothes.
This is definitely on my list of things to do before I take off out of this life.
Just look at me.
I know I look good.
[ABBA'S "GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!".]
Half past 12 Watchin' the late show In my flat all alone How I hate to spend The evening on my own When he said "a little place across the street," I thought he meant some comedy hole like where I work, but this place is huge, it's packed.
The place is going nuts.
The pressure is on.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- There's a lot of people.
- I think he's gonna introduce us.
[SPEAKING SWEDISH.]
.
Thank you, guys.
I'll do this in English, because they want to know what I'm saying about them.
I'll begin with these four legend.
AN AMERICAN FOOTBALL HERO: Terry Bradshaw.
Hi, Terry.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
And we have another sports legend: heavyweight world champion boxer George Foreman.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
And the next guy, you all remember him most fondly: the Fonz in "Happy Days.
" - Henry Winkler! - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
And then we have a guy who you would have seen as Captain Kirk of USS Enterprise in "Star Trek.
" William Shatner! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
That's William! Yeah! Imagine these guys dressed up just for me.
And then, of course, we have someone - Jeff Dye.
- He's a - He carries our luggage.
- Yeah.
Here he comes now.
You can't miss him.
Oh, there he is! Jeff Dye! Jeff.
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
- Jeff Dye.
We're about to perform with Bjorn.
How exciting.
I wouldn't take anything for this moment.
Now we're gonna hear them sing.
- We got this now.
- Okay.
Here we go.
[ABBA'S "DANCING QUEEN".]
ALL: You are the dancing Queen Young and sweet, only 17 Dancing queen Feel the beat on the tambourine Oh, yeah You can dance, you can jive Having the time of your life Ooh We had a great time in Sweden.
It doesn't get better than this.
ALL: Dig in the dancing queen [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Thank you, Stockholm! It is amazing to me that there is always that much more to learn about each other.
Terry came here convinced he was a Viking.
- You're not a Viking.
- Let's get out of here! And George is a super huge ABBA fan.
"Dancing Queen"? Are you serious, George? - I didn't see that coming.
- [HOWLS.]
And maybe that's the point that somehow, being on this trip together opens us up as human beings and we are willing to share with each other.
It's not just seeing the sights.
We're here as best friends who have become family.
- Got it.
- Don't play with the balls.
Ahh! - Oh! - No! I wouldn't give this up for anything.
Those pants are a little tight, Jeff.
- [THUD.]
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Oh, what a shame.