Better Things (2016) s03e02 Episode Script
Holding
1 Blue moon You saw me standing alone Without a dream in my heart - (exhales) - My heart Without a love of my own (groans) Blue moon You knew just what I was there for Jesus Christ! - You heard me saying - (gasps) A prayer for - (sighs) - Someone I really - (moaning) - Could care for (exhales) I'm burning up! And then suddenly there appeared before me Aah! - God! - The only one my arms - Could ever hold - (gasps) I heard somebody whisper - "Please adore me" - Hot.
- And when I looked - (groans) - The moon turned to gold - (exhales) - Hot.
- Blue - Moon - (grunts) Help me! - Now I'm no - Oh! - Longer alone - (grunting) Without a dream - In my heart - Whew! - Without a love - (exhales) Of my own Blue moon.
(snorts) (exhales) Oh.
Are you kidding me? (exhales) (gasps softly) - (knocking) - WOMAN: That's lunch! One hour! Jesus! The thermostat is (wind whistling softly) (groans) (intro to "I Walk Alone" by Mecca Normal playing) (sighs) I walk I walk by myself I go downtown I go alone I walk alone - Walk alone - I walk alone But I'm not alone - Walk alone - This city's my home - Walk alone - This city's my home - Walk alone - I'm not alone In my home - Walk alone - I'm not alone I'm not alone I walk alone I walk by myself (song fading) (raspy panting) (wheezing) (coughing) Huh? (low growling) (raspy grunting) Sure, I've heard the criticisms.
- Mm-hmm.
- Truth is, sometimes I just prefer them a little younger.
Oh, my dad was the same way.
Used to throw a party every third Thursday in November.
That banana smell? You know, the Nouveau gets all the attention, but it's really only a half of what the Beaujolais region produces (French accent): AOC, Villages AOC, Beaujolais Cru.
- Ugh.
- The gamay is a very durable grape.
Huh.
(raspy panting) Is someone gonna call "cut," or should I stand here with my tits out all day? Uh cut! - Cutting! - WOMAN: Cut! - Lighting's gonna need five.
- Very good.
Finally.
Jiminy Christmas.
Assholes! - You still down there, Sammy? - Yeah, where else? (groans) Here.
(clears throat) Can you Yeah.
- (Sam groans) - Okay.
A thousand freaking degrees.
Hundred-million-dollar budget, and it's the boo-boo and koo-koo show over here.
Asshole motherfuckers.
I-I'm not having a good day.
Do I even have a union? Where's Norma Rae when you need her?! Hey, hey.
Hi.
Hi.
He needs the cooling tent turned on right now.
Okay? Okay.
Copy that.
Thank you.
Okay, go.
Cool off and hydrate.
I gotta make yellow.
No, I'm not gonna drink any more water.
I've had to piss for the last six hours, and I don't want to use the catheter again.
I'm not alone - My home - I walk alone - My home - I walk alone - I walk, I walk - I walk by myself - I walk, I walk alone - I walk alone Walk I go downtown How'd that feel? You happy? You don't seem happy.
You have somewhere else you'd rather be? - (chuckles) - No, I'm good.
I was thinking, maybe you could try it a different way.
- A different? - Just give me some options in editing.
- For the cough? - You're scared, right? But at the same time, you're thinking of your family.
You're thinking, what would happen to them if this creature, this monster, just devoured you right there, ripped you apart and nothing spared, used your bones to make soup, flossed with your intestines, that kind of thing.
- Wow, that's, uh - You got kids? - No.
Nope.
Barren.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it's like wasteland, high desert down there.
(sighs): Yeah.
Well, just try to imagine what would happen to your family, if you had one, if you didn't come home one day.
Mmm.
I want you to give me that cough.
Shit.
- They need you in makeup.
- Oh, I have to pee.
Sam's walking.
So, we'll see you over there.
Left at the end of the road, pass the water tower, then I have to pee.
I don't know where that is.
I'm not alone I walk, I walk, I walk, I walk I'm just gonna go in the bushes.
MAN (over radio): Ten minutes till picture's up.
Hi.
(man continues indistinctly over radio) (ringtone playing) Oh Hi, baby.
- Uh? - MAN: What's up, kid? (signal cutting out): I'm allergic to vinyl.
What? Mom, a listen me? Max, I can't - Mom, are you - Wait.
Wait.
- Is this better? - It's fine, Mom.
Hi, Talasco.
Hey, Mama Sam.
I hope that's not your lunch.
Mom, I'm allergic to vinyl.
Okay.
What? The kitchen floor is vinyl, and the carpets are really gross.
- Okay.
- It's not a joke.
Look.
Look at my face, Mom.
I'm all puffy.
Well, maybe you're just filling out a little.
(signal cutting out): Mom y say that? What? I need an apartment off campus.
(sighs) Jesus.
- Mom - Max, the reception is really bad here.
I'll call you later.
I need an apartment off campus.
Yeah, that's not happening.
I'll try you later, okay? - Mom? - Wear slippers.
Bye.
(groans) (knocking on door) - Hi.
I've got a package for you.
- Hey.
Okay.
Duke.
What? You got something.
XANDER: Hey, Cubster.
I know we haven't talked in a while, but I thought this might help.
Dad.
P.
S.
Don't tell your mom.
(sighs) (music playing indistinctly nearby) (gasps) I am so sorry.
No, it's-it's okay.
Come on.
You're-you're fine.
Come on.
(chuckles) - Hi.
- Come on, uh, yeah.
You can have a look around.
Thank you.
So nice in here.
Whoa.
- You like that one, do you? - Huh.
- SAM: What's it called? - I don't know.
My wife made me hang it years ago.
- What'd you do to deserve that? - (chuckles) Something, I'm sure.
(both chuckle) Such a nice room.
Used to, uh, run the marathons together.
She finished sixth in, uh, New York in '83.
I was just happy to finish.
- Hmm.
- (chuckles) - SAM: Who's the lawyer? - Well, both of us.
Well, Jo gave it up when, uh, when the kids came.
You practiced black law? (chuckles) No, no, no, no.
Th-That's-That's Black's Law.
But you're not far off.
Started out in the public sector, thought I'd pick up where Malcolm left off.
A bit of a romantic, I guess.
Ended up in labor, busting unions.
Impressive, and ouch.
(chuckles) Well, sometimes you don't get to choose what you're good at.
They're ready for you.
Sam's walking.
Yeah, I think that's true.
(chuckles) Sylvester.
- Sam.
- Oh, great.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
You know, you, uh, - you should take that painting.
- Huh? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, no, no.
I couldn't take that.
And I don't think your wife would appreciate it, either.
Uh, well, she passed away last year, so I I'd say your safe.
But I guess you you never know.
We used to joke that the only race I was ever going to win was to the grave.
Couldn't even let me have that one, could you? Your wife's name was Jo? Yeah.
Yeah, Josephine.
Jo.
And what would Jo say if she knew that you were trying to hock her shit? (chuckling): Oh, she'd kick my ass.
She always did.
But at the same time, she loved to pay things forward.
(stammers) That was her way.
(sighs) You're lucky, you know.
You're a lucky widower.
Look at this room and all these awesome memories.
Most people can't string two good years together.
You got a whole lifetime.
Yeah, well It feels a little quick to be a whole anything, but I suppose that's right.
(chuckles) (mimics a monster growling) - Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
- Like that.
Like that.
(scoffs) You know, I actually used to rep that guy.
SAM: Well, maybe you should've stuck it out.
This movie's apparently gonna be "yuge.
" Yeah.
Not worth it.
I have a quota for assholes.
It's a select few that are worth the hassle.
- (snorts) - I'm Mer, by the way.
- Donte's manager.
- Oh.
Oh, hi.
Sam.
Oh, I know.
I grew up watching you.
I've been a fan since Little Weirdos II.
Whoa.
That's the Sam Fox deep cuts.
- (chuckles) - (sighs) All right.
I got an 8:00 p.
m.
reso at n/naka.
Let's roll on this puppy.
Um, Herr Direktor.
- Yeah, what's up? - Okay, so I was just wondering, since you're not shooting my side, if I can just cough next to the pile of dead bodies as opposed to, like, getting back in there, because it's kind of hard to breathe in there.
It gets a little funky.
Like, a little gamey.
(chuckling): You're so funny.
Yeah, yeah.
Sure.
Fine.
Let's just do it.
Actually, though, if we could just check Yeah, she might be seen on "C" cam, so Oh, okay.
Yup.
You heard her.
Sorry, Sam.
Once more into the breach.
Cool.
(director sighs) - Some days - (exhales) WOMAN (over P.
A.
): Welcome, students and parents, to Science Night.
See you in the classrooms at 6:00 p.
m.
- Are you serious? - That's Shak's mom.
(kids shouting indistinctly nearby) BOY: Get her ball.
- Court locks.
- No court locks.
- (grunts) - (gasps) (shrieks) Ow! (grunting) (laughter nearby) (clock ticking loudly) Fantastic.
- (groans) - DUKE: Mom.
- Mom.
- What? Me and Shak are friends now.
Please? I'm over it, so can you be, too? He did the mean thing to me, not to you.
Wow.
That is a very, very grown-up thing to say.
(groaning exhale) I will do my best to honor your wishes.
Not your best, Mom.
You have to promise.
Okay.
Jesus.
- Husband! - Wife! - Duke! Duke, come, come here.
- What? Don't leave me.
- Mom.
- No.
- I can't talk to parents.
- Mom.
It's okay.
(whimpering): Let me be with my friends.
Okay, okay, sorry.
Go.
But just you know, the classrooms open at 6:00.
You have to meet me outside before.
Okay.
Love you.
- LANCE: What's up? - Hey.
Dude, haven't seen you around lately.
How's that baby brontosaurus you're raising? Oh, she's good.
- They're all good.
- Good.
Pretty good.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
So, do you guys know what's happening with Principal DiGiorno? I think she's retiring at the end of the year.
That figures.
Just when we're leaving, they'll probably get all the good programs back in school.
- Perfect.
- Have you heard? The fund-raiser's being hosted this year by all Persians.
It's a completely Persian-run event.
(scoffs) Mmm.
I'm gonna go see if I can find a juice box.
What's wrong? Nothing.
My mom is being so fucking weird.
(scoffs) Tell me about it.
My mom can't go two seconds without me.
I'm like, just figure it out, dude.
DiGIORNO (over P.
A.
): Good evening, McIntosh parents.
The classrooms are open, so let the experiments begin.
SAM: Duke! Come on! It's time! Hi.
- Hi.
Hi, Riley.
- Hi.
DUKE: Hi, Riley.
Oh, who's this? Who's that? - That's Duke.
- Oh.
Yeah, no, I didn't recognize you.
Y-Your hair is, uh Oh, uh, yeah.
I got a fade.
Yeah, I was gonna say that-that your hair is pink.
(chuckles): Right? So, let me get this straight.
It's okay for your daughter to shave her head, but it's not okay for my daughter to dress a certain way? Is that? Okay, I really don't know what to say, so we Duke we're gonna go to the classroom now.
Bye, Riley.
(groans) Jesus.
What is wrong with people? Mom, stop.
I mean, are you serious? I have chills.
- Calm down.
- Okay, fine, baby.
You got it.
I'll stop.
- So fucking annoying.
- Oh, my God.
Looking back at all the (exhales): Okay.
Okay.
"Clean, dry paper clip.
" Oh, Mom, we need paper clips.
We don't have any at our table.
Copy that.
I'll go get some.
Oh.
Hi.
Excuse me.
Yeah, those are ours, so you can't just take them.
I'm sorry.
I thought it was okay.
We're all doing the same experiment.
Okay, well, maybe you should ask first, 'cause it's rude.
You can't just go and take people's things.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I'm just gonna go ahead and take these now.
It's kind of what I figured.
Mother of the year.
Good job.
- Cool.
Thank you.
- Cool.
Jesus, that guy is such a dick.
- Mom.
Mom, don't.
- (sighs) - Why can't anyone be a person? - Give me the paper clips.
Here.
Got my head bit off for those stupid things.
- Mom, you're ruining it.
- Sorry.
Okay.
What's next? - (chuckles) - I finished it.
- It's okay.
See? Paper clip floated.
- Cool.
- All right, let's get out of here.
- Okay.
But I'm gonna go meet Pepper again before the next experiment.
Do you have to? There's only ten minutes left.
Do you have to leave me? Mom, it's okay.
Let me go.
- Fine.
Okay.
- I'll meet you at room 18.
Just be there in ten minutes.
- Got it.
- Okay.
- Cool.
- Sorry about your dad.
- Sorry about you.
- "Sorry about you"? - Should be sorry about you.
- Sorry about your face.
I don't know who she thinks she is.
Oh, my God.
Wasn't that a fun field trip last week? We had the most awesome docent.
She taught us what branches and leaves we could eat, how to start a fire and make soap.
Mmm.
Okay, come on.
Salaam.
- Ah! - Salaam.
(speaking Farsi) Salaam Sam Joon, how are you? I'm good.
How are you guys? - How's Kayla? - Ugh.
Kayla is having so much trouble with her teacher.
The math? She is struggling.
I don't like that teacher.
- She's having so much problem with her.
- Mmm.
I have to go.
I have to get to that room.
I made tahdig for the class.
(chuckles) Oh.
(speaking Farsi) No fair.
You guys have all the Persian moms in your room.
- Aw.
- I'll see you guys later.
(all speaking Farsi) (Sam sighs) - Oh, hi.
- Hi.
See you later.
Duke.
Duke.
We're over here.
Come on.
Excuse me.
Mrs.
Fornges? Mrs.
Fornges, you got to move us.
- Huh? - Yeah.
I can't across from that woman and her sociopathic son.
- Please.
- Oh, okay.
No problem.
Thank you.
Duke.
No, over here, baby.
We're over here.
This table now.
Yeah.
Hi.
Mom, I can't believe you right now.
You're so embarrassing.
Oh, my God.
What? - (sighs) - There were too many people at that table.
Mrs.
Fornges did it.
I didn't do it.
Mom, you said you'd be over it if I got over it.
That means you didn't mean it, and that means you're a hypocrite.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I just want to do the experiment with you and have fun without any drama, okay, baby? Come on.
Sit down.
It's gonna be fun.
Thank you.
Oh.
We're okay, right? Yeah.
We're fine.
So anyway, maybe, uh, we'll get a coffee at some point together.
You and me.
DUKE: Mom.
Are you aware of the fact that you owe me an apology and you're withholding it? Or did you forget? What's the matter with you? And with your son? What? Mom, come on.
Do you know that you drove onto a school parking lot on your cell phone without barely looking up? Do you know how many kids you almost hit? Get away from me.
No.
No.
No.
No.
I would like to step outside.
- Step outside? - Yes.
I would like you and I to step outside on the playground so I can beat you up.
Just like your psycho son did to my daughter.
(sighs) - Excuse me.
- Hmm.
- Come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
- Hey.
Hey! Come on.
I would like you to go outside with me.
Hey.
Hey! Hey! - Hey! - (grunts) - (gasps) - (crying) SHAK'S MOM: Shak? Okay, we're even.
We're even.
Come on, don't cry.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
(song plays, with intro sung in Farsi) All in cahoots for the power of faloos Bezaar bisoozeh from the bed to the ceiling to the roof We burn, boil, in turn toil and won't foil To turn oil to turmoil on firm soil Leevaan por az Iman saying, "Praise the Lord" Khotkaareh teeztar, sharp as any shank or sword (song continues in Farsi)
- And when I looked - (groans) - The moon turned to gold - (exhales) - Hot.
- Blue - Moon - (grunts) Help me! - Now I'm no - Oh! - Longer alone - (grunting) Without a dream - In my heart - Whew! - Without a love - (exhales) Of my own Blue moon.
(snorts) (exhales) Oh.
Are you kidding me? (exhales) (gasps softly) - (knocking) - WOMAN: That's lunch! One hour! Jesus! The thermostat is (wind whistling softly) (groans) (intro to "I Walk Alone" by Mecca Normal playing) (sighs) I walk I walk by myself I go downtown I go alone I walk alone - Walk alone - I walk alone But I'm not alone - Walk alone - This city's my home - Walk alone - This city's my home - Walk alone - I'm not alone In my home - Walk alone - I'm not alone I'm not alone I walk alone I walk by myself (song fading) (raspy panting) (wheezing) (coughing) Huh? (low growling) (raspy grunting) Sure, I've heard the criticisms.
- Mm-hmm.
- Truth is, sometimes I just prefer them a little younger.
Oh, my dad was the same way.
Used to throw a party every third Thursday in November.
That banana smell? You know, the Nouveau gets all the attention, but it's really only a half of what the Beaujolais region produces (French accent): AOC, Villages AOC, Beaujolais Cru.
- Ugh.
- The gamay is a very durable grape.
Huh.
(raspy panting) Is someone gonna call "cut," or should I stand here with my tits out all day? Uh cut! - Cutting! - WOMAN: Cut! - Lighting's gonna need five.
- Very good.
Finally.
Jiminy Christmas.
Assholes! - You still down there, Sammy? - Yeah, where else? (groans) Here.
(clears throat) Can you Yeah.
- (Sam groans) - Okay.
A thousand freaking degrees.
Hundred-million-dollar budget, and it's the boo-boo and koo-koo show over here.
Asshole motherfuckers.
I-I'm not having a good day.
Do I even have a union? Where's Norma Rae when you need her?! Hey, hey.
Hi.
Hi.
He needs the cooling tent turned on right now.
Okay? Okay.
Copy that.
Thank you.
Okay, go.
Cool off and hydrate.
I gotta make yellow.
No, I'm not gonna drink any more water.
I've had to piss for the last six hours, and I don't want to use the catheter again.
I'm not alone - My home - I walk alone - My home - I walk alone - I walk, I walk - I walk by myself - I walk, I walk alone - I walk alone Walk I go downtown How'd that feel? You happy? You don't seem happy.
You have somewhere else you'd rather be? - (chuckles) - No, I'm good.
I was thinking, maybe you could try it a different way.
- A different? - Just give me some options in editing.
- For the cough? - You're scared, right? But at the same time, you're thinking of your family.
You're thinking, what would happen to them if this creature, this monster, just devoured you right there, ripped you apart and nothing spared, used your bones to make soup, flossed with your intestines, that kind of thing.
- Wow, that's, uh - You got kids? - No.
Nope.
Barren.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it's like wasteland, high desert down there.
(sighs): Yeah.
Well, just try to imagine what would happen to your family, if you had one, if you didn't come home one day.
Mmm.
I want you to give me that cough.
Shit.
- They need you in makeup.
- Oh, I have to pee.
Sam's walking.
So, we'll see you over there.
Left at the end of the road, pass the water tower, then I have to pee.
I don't know where that is.
I'm not alone I walk, I walk, I walk, I walk I'm just gonna go in the bushes.
MAN (over radio): Ten minutes till picture's up.
Hi.
(man continues indistinctly over radio) (ringtone playing) Oh Hi, baby.
- Uh? - MAN: What's up, kid? (signal cutting out): I'm allergic to vinyl.
What? Mom, a listen me? Max, I can't - Mom, are you - Wait.
Wait.
- Is this better? - It's fine, Mom.
Hi, Talasco.
Hey, Mama Sam.
I hope that's not your lunch.
Mom, I'm allergic to vinyl.
Okay.
What? The kitchen floor is vinyl, and the carpets are really gross.
- Okay.
- It's not a joke.
Look.
Look at my face, Mom.
I'm all puffy.
Well, maybe you're just filling out a little.
(signal cutting out): Mom y say that? What? I need an apartment off campus.
(sighs) Jesus.
- Mom - Max, the reception is really bad here.
I'll call you later.
I need an apartment off campus.
Yeah, that's not happening.
I'll try you later, okay? - Mom? - Wear slippers.
Bye.
(groans) (knocking on door) - Hi.
I've got a package for you.
- Hey.
Okay.
Duke.
What? You got something.
XANDER: Hey, Cubster.
I know we haven't talked in a while, but I thought this might help.
Dad.
P.
S.
Don't tell your mom.
(sighs) (music playing indistinctly nearby) (gasps) I am so sorry.
No, it's-it's okay.
Come on.
You're-you're fine.
Come on.
(chuckles) - Hi.
- Come on, uh, yeah.
You can have a look around.
Thank you.
So nice in here.
Whoa.
- You like that one, do you? - Huh.
- SAM: What's it called? - I don't know.
My wife made me hang it years ago.
- What'd you do to deserve that? - (chuckles) Something, I'm sure.
(both chuckle) Such a nice room.
Used to, uh, run the marathons together.
She finished sixth in, uh, New York in '83.
I was just happy to finish.
- Hmm.
- (chuckles) - SAM: Who's the lawyer? - Well, both of us.
Well, Jo gave it up when, uh, when the kids came.
You practiced black law? (chuckles) No, no, no, no.
Th-That's-That's Black's Law.
But you're not far off.
Started out in the public sector, thought I'd pick up where Malcolm left off.
A bit of a romantic, I guess.
Ended up in labor, busting unions.
Impressive, and ouch.
(chuckles) Well, sometimes you don't get to choose what you're good at.
They're ready for you.
Sam's walking.
Yeah, I think that's true.
(chuckles) Sylvester.
- Sam.
- Oh, great.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
You know, you, uh, - you should take that painting.
- Huh? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, no, no.
I couldn't take that.
And I don't think your wife would appreciate it, either.
Uh, well, she passed away last year, so I I'd say your safe.
But I guess you you never know.
We used to joke that the only race I was ever going to win was to the grave.
Couldn't even let me have that one, could you? Your wife's name was Jo? Yeah.
Yeah, Josephine.
Jo.
And what would Jo say if she knew that you were trying to hock her shit? (chuckling): Oh, she'd kick my ass.
She always did.
But at the same time, she loved to pay things forward.
(stammers) That was her way.
(sighs) You're lucky, you know.
You're a lucky widower.
Look at this room and all these awesome memories.
Most people can't string two good years together.
You got a whole lifetime.
Yeah, well It feels a little quick to be a whole anything, but I suppose that's right.
(chuckles) (mimics a monster growling) - Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
- Like that.
Like that.
(scoffs) You know, I actually used to rep that guy.
SAM: Well, maybe you should've stuck it out.
This movie's apparently gonna be "yuge.
" Yeah.
Not worth it.
I have a quota for assholes.
It's a select few that are worth the hassle.
- (snorts) - I'm Mer, by the way.
- Donte's manager.
- Oh.
Oh, hi.
Sam.
Oh, I know.
I grew up watching you.
I've been a fan since Little Weirdos II.
Whoa.
That's the Sam Fox deep cuts.
- (chuckles) - (sighs) All right.
I got an 8:00 p.
m.
reso at n/naka.
Let's roll on this puppy.
Um, Herr Direktor.
- Yeah, what's up? - Okay, so I was just wondering, since you're not shooting my side, if I can just cough next to the pile of dead bodies as opposed to, like, getting back in there, because it's kind of hard to breathe in there.
It gets a little funky.
Like, a little gamey.
(chuckling): You're so funny.
Yeah, yeah.
Sure.
Fine.
Let's just do it.
Actually, though, if we could just check Yeah, she might be seen on "C" cam, so Oh, okay.
Yup.
You heard her.
Sorry, Sam.
Once more into the breach.
Cool.
(director sighs) - Some days - (exhales) WOMAN (over P.
A.
): Welcome, students and parents, to Science Night.
See you in the classrooms at 6:00 p.
m.
- Are you serious? - That's Shak's mom.
(kids shouting indistinctly nearby) BOY: Get her ball.
- Court locks.
- No court locks.
- (grunts) - (gasps) (shrieks) Ow! (grunting) (laughter nearby) (clock ticking loudly) Fantastic.
- (groans) - DUKE: Mom.
- Mom.
- What? Me and Shak are friends now.
Please? I'm over it, so can you be, too? He did the mean thing to me, not to you.
Wow.
That is a very, very grown-up thing to say.
(groaning exhale) I will do my best to honor your wishes.
Not your best, Mom.
You have to promise.
Okay.
Jesus.
- Husband! - Wife! - Duke! Duke, come, come here.
- What? Don't leave me.
- Mom.
- No.
- I can't talk to parents.
- Mom.
It's okay.
(whimpering): Let me be with my friends.
Okay, okay, sorry.
Go.
But just you know, the classrooms open at 6:00.
You have to meet me outside before.
Okay.
Love you.
- LANCE: What's up? - Hey.
Dude, haven't seen you around lately.
How's that baby brontosaurus you're raising? Oh, she's good.
- They're all good.
- Good.
Pretty good.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
So, do you guys know what's happening with Principal DiGiorno? I think she's retiring at the end of the year.
That figures.
Just when we're leaving, they'll probably get all the good programs back in school.
- Perfect.
- Have you heard? The fund-raiser's being hosted this year by all Persians.
It's a completely Persian-run event.
(scoffs) Mmm.
I'm gonna go see if I can find a juice box.
What's wrong? Nothing.
My mom is being so fucking weird.
(scoffs) Tell me about it.
My mom can't go two seconds without me.
I'm like, just figure it out, dude.
DiGIORNO (over P.
A.
): Good evening, McIntosh parents.
The classrooms are open, so let the experiments begin.
SAM: Duke! Come on! It's time! Hi.
- Hi.
Hi, Riley.
- Hi.
DUKE: Hi, Riley.
Oh, who's this? Who's that? - That's Duke.
- Oh.
Yeah, no, I didn't recognize you.
Y-Your hair is, uh Oh, uh, yeah.
I got a fade.
Yeah, I was gonna say that-that your hair is pink.
(chuckles): Right? So, let me get this straight.
It's okay for your daughter to shave her head, but it's not okay for my daughter to dress a certain way? Is that? Okay, I really don't know what to say, so we Duke we're gonna go to the classroom now.
Bye, Riley.
(groans) Jesus.
What is wrong with people? Mom, stop.
I mean, are you serious? I have chills.
- Calm down.
- Okay, fine, baby.
You got it.
I'll stop.
- So fucking annoying.
- Oh, my God.
Looking back at all the (exhales): Okay.
Okay.
"Clean, dry paper clip.
" Oh, Mom, we need paper clips.
We don't have any at our table.
Copy that.
I'll go get some.
Oh.
Hi.
Excuse me.
Yeah, those are ours, so you can't just take them.
I'm sorry.
I thought it was okay.
We're all doing the same experiment.
Okay, well, maybe you should ask first, 'cause it's rude.
You can't just go and take people's things.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I'm just gonna go ahead and take these now.
It's kind of what I figured.
Mother of the year.
Good job.
- Cool.
Thank you.
- Cool.
Jesus, that guy is such a dick.
- Mom.
Mom, don't.
- (sighs) - Why can't anyone be a person? - Give me the paper clips.
Here.
Got my head bit off for those stupid things.
- Mom, you're ruining it.
- Sorry.
Okay.
What's next? - (chuckles) - I finished it.
- It's okay.
See? Paper clip floated.
- Cool.
- All right, let's get out of here.
- Okay.
But I'm gonna go meet Pepper again before the next experiment.
Do you have to? There's only ten minutes left.
Do you have to leave me? Mom, it's okay.
Let me go.
- Fine.
Okay.
- I'll meet you at room 18.
Just be there in ten minutes.
- Got it.
- Okay.
- Cool.
- Sorry about your dad.
- Sorry about you.
- "Sorry about you"? - Should be sorry about you.
- Sorry about your face.
I don't know who she thinks she is.
Oh, my God.
Wasn't that a fun field trip last week? We had the most awesome docent.
She taught us what branches and leaves we could eat, how to start a fire and make soap.
Mmm.
Okay, come on.
Salaam.
- Ah! - Salaam.
(speaking Farsi) Salaam Sam Joon, how are you? I'm good.
How are you guys? - How's Kayla? - Ugh.
Kayla is having so much trouble with her teacher.
The math? She is struggling.
I don't like that teacher.
- She's having so much problem with her.
- Mmm.
I have to go.
I have to get to that room.
I made tahdig for the class.
(chuckles) Oh.
(speaking Farsi) No fair.
You guys have all the Persian moms in your room.
- Aw.
- I'll see you guys later.
(all speaking Farsi) (Sam sighs) - Oh, hi.
- Hi.
See you later.
Duke.
Duke.
We're over here.
Come on.
Excuse me.
Mrs.
Fornges? Mrs.
Fornges, you got to move us.
- Huh? - Yeah.
I can't across from that woman and her sociopathic son.
- Please.
- Oh, okay.
No problem.
Thank you.
Duke.
No, over here, baby.
We're over here.
This table now.
Yeah.
Hi.
Mom, I can't believe you right now.
You're so embarrassing.
Oh, my God.
What? - (sighs) - There were too many people at that table.
Mrs.
Fornges did it.
I didn't do it.
Mom, you said you'd be over it if I got over it.
That means you didn't mean it, and that means you're a hypocrite.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I just want to do the experiment with you and have fun without any drama, okay, baby? Come on.
Sit down.
It's gonna be fun.
Thank you.
Oh.
We're okay, right? Yeah.
We're fine.
So anyway, maybe, uh, we'll get a coffee at some point together.
You and me.
DUKE: Mom.
Are you aware of the fact that you owe me an apology and you're withholding it? Or did you forget? What's the matter with you? And with your son? What? Mom, come on.
Do you know that you drove onto a school parking lot on your cell phone without barely looking up? Do you know how many kids you almost hit? Get away from me.
No.
No.
No.
No.
I would like to step outside.
- Step outside? - Yes.
I would like you and I to step outside on the playground so I can beat you up.
Just like your psycho son did to my daughter.
(sighs) - Excuse me.
- Hmm.
- Come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
- Hey.
Hey! Come on.
I would like you to go outside with me.
Hey.
Hey! Hey! - Hey! - (grunts) - (gasps) - (crying) SHAK'S MOM: Shak? Okay, we're even.
We're even.
Come on, don't cry.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
(song plays, with intro sung in Farsi) All in cahoots for the power of faloos Bezaar bisoozeh from the bed to the ceiling to the roof We burn, boil, in turn toil and won't foil To turn oil to turmoil on firm soil Leevaan por az Iman saying, "Praise the Lord" Khotkaareh teeztar, sharp as any shank or sword (song continues in Farsi)