Better Things (2016) s05e01 Episode Script

F*ck Anatoly's Mom

1 Whenever life gets you down, Mrs.
Brown And things seem hard or tough And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft And you feel that you've had Quite enough - [BEEPING.]
- Just Remember that you're standing On a planet that's evolving - [KISSES.]
- Revolving at 900 miles an hour That's orbiting at 90 miles a second - So it's reckoned - Hmm.
A sun that is the source of all our power The sun and you and me And all the stars that we can see - Are moving at a million miles - Guys.
- Good baby! - [BARKING.]
Come here, guys.
Go afuera.
- Our galaxy itself - [SIGHS.]
Contains a hundred billion stars It's 100,000 light-years side to side It bulges in the middle - 16,000 light-years thick - Yes.
: Santa Ana wind advisory is in effect We're 30,000 light-years from galactic Where are you? We go round every 200 million years And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions In this amazing and expanding universe PAISLEY: Um I totally am gonna block him, I think.
Because, like, if he wants to go and do stuff without me, like Anyway.
My mom will not leave me alone about all the tattoos that I'm getting.
- The universe itself - [PHONE CAMERA CLICKS.]
Keeps on expanding and expanding In all of the directions it can whizz As fast as it can go The speed of light, you know 12 million miles a minute And that's the fastest speed there is So remember, when you're feeling Very small and insecure How amazingly unlikely is your birth And pray that there's intelligent life Somewhere up in space 'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth [PHONE VIBRATING.]
MAL: Leave it! - CHILD: Daddy, daddy, daddy.
- Leave it! - CHILD: Go up.
- You called me.
- Daddy! - Not you, Sam.
It-It's my son.
- I swear to God.
Do not test me, mister.
CHILD: Get off the phone.
Daddy's on the phone.
We talked about this, honey.
- Put the phone down.
- Honey.
- Honey, honey.
- No.
- Honey? Honey.
- Daddy! Thank you.
Jesus Christ.
: Kids, am I right? - Okay.
- Hi, Sam.
I'm confirming you have that fitting at Western Costume.
- Friday, 2:00.
- Okay, I forgot.
How long do you think? Because I have a thing at 3:30.
What are you talking about? It's a four-hour fitting.
Y-You've got to block out four hours.
Jesus Christ.
Four hours? Why? Because you're gonna be wearing pinafores and shit.
It's a period piece.
Don't eat anything for the next 48 hours.
Only fluids.
They had very tiny waists in those days.
Very tiny waists.
Okay, but why does it have to take four hours? You're in almost every scene.
You have 11 looks.
: I-I'm so jealous, you're gonna be wearing a fucking bustle.
I could spit.
My wife's gonna die.
- CHILD: Daddy! - MAL: I got to go.
- Ugh! - [PHONE BEEPS.]
I don't want to wear a pinafore.
- PHIL: Hello? - H I'm extremely frustrated.
I went to the Verizon store to switch out my phone, - and they kept me waiting for about - Okay.
- Oh, hang on.
Hold, please.
- Hello? - MARION: We still on for this thing today, or what? Yes, Marion.
Why wouldn't we be on? I'm just checking.
Mom, it's your son.
I'll pick you up soon for the thing.
I have absolutely no interest in that.
There's nothing to learn from the dead.
Okay, well, thanks.
Hey, can we do a thing sometime where you talk to me and explain stuff to me about money? Like, I'm really confused about credit and my finances and shit.
And I want to know about NFTs.
Like, what the fuck are NFTs? I don't have enough days left in my life to explain to you what an NFT is, and no.
We tried to talk about money before.
It doesn't work with you and me, - specifically because of you.
- I'll be better.
You have the attention span of a rainbow trout.
Wait, what were you just talking about? - Fuck you - [CHUCKLES.]
Do you remember What? Never mind.
I'll see you at 3:00.
MAX: Mom, hurry up.
She's waiting.
I'm trying, I've been driving around for 20 mi Oh, my God! Be right back.
Just one sec.
That's my space.
That's my [TIRES SCREECH.]
All right.
- Whoa! - [HORN HONKING.]
- Yes.
SAM: Yes.
And middle finger to you, and lots of road rage back at you, sir.
MAX: Come on.
SAM: I'm not wearing the right shoes.
- MAX: She's been waiting.
- She is? [SAM GROANS.]
SAM: Ooh.
: It's the only building in L.
with a five-story walk-up.
His help Are you kidding me? [PANTING.]
Yeah, I actually love this exposed brick.
Ooh, it's kind of hot.
Is there any AC in here? Uh, no, unfortunately.
But, you know, you can open the window, get a nice cross breeze, and, you know, check out the view down in the courtyard.
I will do that.
Um, I love you, by the way.
- Oh.
I stole my mom's VHS copy of Mystic Flow.
Yeah, I grew up watching you.
- Oh, that's so cute.
Thank you.
Does everybody in the world pee down there? No offense.
CARLA: Welcome to Hollywood.
- I love it so much.
- Yes.
But Mm.
- Mm-mm.
- I'll take it.
- Hmm? - Oh.
Let me get the paperwork.
: We'll just need Mom to cosign.
- Okay.
- Oh CARLA: Can I get a selfie with you? - Uh Oh, sure.
Spinelli! [LAUGHS.]
- Ha.
- Thank you.
Okay, I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
- Okay.
You don't just say, "I love it, I'll take it.
: The Wait.
Who does that? - This is the whole thing.
- MAX: I'll put my bed right here.
- SAM: Oh, my God.
- And I'll have my studio right here.
- Okay.
- That's perfect.
And we'll put the meth lab over there and SAM: What is this? This It's, like, a panic - No, it's a Don't turn it on.
- It's a panic smoke alarm.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
Really? - Ugh - MAX: Mom, how can you have the same credit score as me, Mom? Why do you have such bad credit? - How can you let things go like that? - Oh.
Is there anyone else who can cosign for me? [LAUGHS.]
: God, Jesus.
What's up, Mom-balomm? Hi, baby.
I miss you.
I miss my baby.
- LOL.
- Honey, honey, pull your hood back.
Let me see some face.
- Mom, no.
- Hi.
When are you coming back? Mom, please get me pickles and Takis.
And red Gatorade.
And hard-boiled eggs.
And have all my favorite foods for when I get home.
Please, Mama.
And gum.
- Did you feed Gary? - You know it.
BOTH: We know dis.
God, I miss my little stink bug.
It hasn't been the same without you.
Mom, want to say hi to Dad? - Say hi to Dad.
- XANDER: Hey.
- Hi.
- Uh, how are you? - Yes.
Oh, great.
- Um, we just - How's the Yeah.
- Just, uh - Must be hot as balls.
Yeah, I - Really fun here.
We're, uh Thank you, for - Thank you.
- MAX: Hi, Dad.
XANDER: Oh, hey, how are you? Just stressed.
What's going on? I'll-I'll text you later in the family chat.
Family chat? Family chat.
Mom? Are you poor? Oh, I don't know what to tell you, Max.
Welcome to the world.
Everything isn't so black-and-white.
This blows.
I loved that apartment.
Frances Farmer lived there before she was institutionalized.
Or after.
One of those.
Well I'll see you at 3:00 for genealogy.
Don't flake.
Frankie already bailed.
Mom, I can't.
I Now I'm screwed.
Paisley has a new place to live and I don't.
Of course you do.
You could always move back in with with u-us.
She seems late.
Well, I was here first.
She's always late.
- I'm so over this.
- Yeah.
Well, it's - CAROLINE: Still a question - Hi.
Can I talk to you? No.
Hello to you, too, Sam.
She's my wife.
I'd like her with me for this.
- Mm.
Sam, Marion.
Ready? [SIGHS.]
- CAROLINE: Thank you.
- Mm.
It's private.
- Uh Uh-huh.
- It's private.
Hi, I'm actually Sam, and she's not part of it.
CABLES: Here are your charts.
As you can see there, you're exactly 50% Ashkenazi Jew.
And 50% other.
Irish, Scottish, Celtic and two percent italiano.
- Hey! - [LAUGHS.]
Doc, can we skip the theatrics? Bro.
Theatrics? Son, these are your roots.
You're doing great, Doc.
Please continue.
Turn the page.
Murray Fox.
His father Harry Fox was a junkman, and he came from people who were from - Poland.
- Russia.
The Ukraine.
In this little area here, see, that was your highest concentration of Jews, and they were under Hitler's rule.
Do you think any made it out? Oh.
Here we go.
Ooh, boy.
Uh, no? Turn the page.
Meet Clara.
She is your one cousin who survived.
- BOTH: Yes.
She met Anatoly, who was Ukrainian, and they had two beautiful children.
Anatoly's mother found out that Clara was a Jew and she turned them over to the Nazis.
- Oh.
- What? W-What about the-the kids? The two children? The girls? - Them as well.
- Jesus.
They were all executed.
Anatoly went on to remarry.
- And had nine more children.
- Of course.
So, the mother-in-law.
Fucking mother-in-laws.
CABLES: Your maternal grandfather Jurist Wallem had moved to California.
His name is Leland Darby.
That is what is so fascinating.
Leland Darby is not your biological grandfather.
Sure he is.
Your grandfather was a man named Jurist Wallem, and he lived within nine miles of your mother's childhood home.
He worked as a milkman.
She knew.
This is what she does best.
She keeps secrets.
This is one of the million whys she makes me crazy! [SIGHS.]
That is so cool.
N-New Grandpa.
It all makes sense now.
- What? - The neglect.
Her lack of sentiment and love.
Makes sense.
Oh, get over yourself.
This is about something so much bigger than what you're saying.
When we were just in there, seeing all of those lives, all of those people, that makes me feel like we're a part of a greater chain of history and humanity.
Like, the past and the future.
It gives me confidence, somehow.
Like, I'm important? And you are.
Don't you see? We come from people who were workers and laborers, Marion.
Come on.
: For God's sakes.
What's the This That's why I said it's private.
Don't you get it, Sam? Our grandmother fucked the milkman.
- Huh? - [SIGHS.]
Bye, Marion.
See you around.
I've been worrying Hey.
Fuck Anatoly's mom.
Fuck Anatoly's mom.
In the eye like Moe Greene.
- Why I got to think this way - [SIGHS.]
I've been wondering all my life Well, I've been wondering all my days - Go.
- O-Okay.
Tell me, ain't that the life? Well, all I know is that life Can be a grind Sometimes you got to give it time Hello? Is this on? We just found out that your dad isn't your dad.
What difference does all of this make now? Everyone's gone.
Except me.
"'Tis a wise child that knows their father.
" My mum always used to say that to us.
Uh, that pile is for giveaway.
- Good job, Phil.
And that.
And all of those boxes.
Throw it away.
- It's gack.
All so much gack.
No, you can't have that.
That's Spode.
- I don't want Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mom.
- Mm? What? You can't just get rid of this stuff.
It's your brother.
You can have that.
Take the rest away.
I can't bear the idea of people looking through my things.
And all of this being your mess when I've gone.
It's all just ephemera.
It's been in a box so many years, it becomes a box.
: That's all it is.
- Meaningless boxes.
- But that's not true, Phil.
- You take the box - Mm.
You open the box, and there's your brother.
Never mind.
He's gone now.
That's it.
A life, and then gone.
- Hmm.
- [SIGHS.]
- [SIGHS.]
This is pretty.
Oh, whoa.
: Phil.
There's dozens of them.
- Mom.
My God, look.
Your mom, Mom.
"Your windows are bare, your chimneys are cold, "your garden a tangle of weeds, seasons old, "an empty house is a lonely soul, "a drear look of sorrow sharply is etched on a creaking signboard with the words 'to be let.
'" Oof.
By Shirley-Jane Darby.
I typed all of those.
- You did? - Mm-hmm.
Why did you never show me these? Well, they were here.
They were just in a box.
- Can I have them? - No.
I need to look through them myself.
- [SIGHS.]
- You can have those when I'm dead.
- You've had decades with them.
- Eh, pshaw You can take from that side over there.
Oh, wait.
I think these were yours.
My baseball cards.
I'm having Council Thrift pick all of this up tomorrow.
No, you can't.
I have to go through everything first.
Well, look through them now.
It's all going tomorrow.
I have arms because of you.
- What? - Nothing.
Well is it okay if I take this right now? - Yes, yes.
- Hello? - Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie, pay attention, - pay attention.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Whoa.
Hang on.
Slow down.
- Red phone, Sam.
You have to read something.
It's a newspaper.
I can't tell you.
You have to read it for yourself.
I'm outside your house.
Come on over.
Where are you? Okay, I'm-I'm across the street.
I'm at Phil's.
I'm coming over.
Hang on.
Okay, um - Phil? - Hmm? Uh, I've got to get going, but Keep this stuff for me.
Just, uh, I'm gonna c Keep all of this stuff for me.
- Don't get rid of anything.
- It's going away tomorrow.
- No, it's not.
No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
- I'm afraid it is.
I did say.
Well, it's going to go whether you like it or not.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What? Okay.
I am.
- Okay.
Ok Oh.
- Okay? - What is going - I want you to sit right here.
- Right here.
Read this.
You're not gonna believe it.
Read it right now.
- Okay.
- Get your glasses.
"My Sister Made Me Realize that I Was as Cruel as our Father, "exclamation point, an Appreciation and a Public Apology by Alan Emerson.
" - [EXHALES.]
Sorry, pal, we don't want any.
We gave at the office.
Come on, honey, I said, come on.
Honey, do you not remember that you were in the fetal position for nine months? You gestated a baby, you were in so much agony.
And now here you are on the other side, over him.
Am I right? Remember the Princess Di interview? There were three of us in that relationship.
Alan and I and you.
I knew you were gonna say that.
So annoying.
You have to give me the space to let me do this.
I don't know what'll happen.
I know I'm setting myself up for another anvil to my dick.
I know you love me and you want to protect me.
And, you know, fuck me once, fuck you.
But you need to let me.
You need to let me see.
Let me try.
He's owning his shit.
I still love him.
This isn't me trying to hurt myself, or you.
This is me doing something for me.
And, you know, I don't even know what's gonna happen.
Give me a minute.
What an asshole.
What a dee-ick.
I'm wearing a neck doily.
I'm Judge Judy.
You want something else.
And I don't need that part of you.
We have our own thing, right? - Yeah, we do.
We really do.
Stay for dinner? I'll make for you.
As long as it's liquid.
- Okay.
I got that.
- Yeah.
FRANKIE: Mom? - Hi.
- Hey.
Are you ready to go? - Hi.
- RICH: Hi.
SAM: Um, what? What do you mean? Did you forget about Brig's dinner? - I forgot! I did forget.
- Can I drive, please? What? No, no.
Not you driving.
We're gonna take an Uber so Mommy can Cool.
Um, you can come if you want.
No, thank you, but I am gonna raid your liquor cabinet.
It's been a little yeah.
- FRANKIE: Hello.
- SAM: Hi.
Uh, we have a reservation for four under Sam Fox? Yes.
We have you here.
The rest of your party is already seated.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
We are celebrating a young man tonight who got into Harvard.
- My son went to Harvard! - FRANKIE: Oh, my God.
- See? I told you it's a big deal.
Means a lot to people.
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- This way, please.
- Thank you so much.
See? It's important to celebrate rituals.
And big life milestone moments.
- FRANKIE: Hello! How are you guys? - FREDERICKA: Hello! FREDERICKA: So good.
- Nice to see you.
- Hello.
Wait, wait.
- Come here.
- Nice to Okay.
- Congratulations, young scholar.
- BRIGHAM: Thank you, thank you.
SAM: Oh, my God.
Yes, abalone sashimi, please.
Just with the lemon and salt, and, um Can we get some sake? "Can we get sake?" Girl.
Sake? "Can we get sake?" - Now you're talking my language, girl.
Um, can we get one large, cold, unfiltered sake, please? With, um, four glasses.
Uh, I'm just kidding.
Two glasses.
Thank you.
But maybe we could have four glasses.
Oh, yes.
We will have four.
- We could We keep it going.
- FREDERICKA: We could do it.
- Driver.
- There you go.
And it's dragging me down below.
FREDERICKA: So, I came to L.
from Utah on my own.
I was the only one in my family to move away.
I was a little bit of the black sheep.
And, yeah, I couldn't wait to get away from home.
So I went as far away as I could go.
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
I immersed myself in this culture that was the polar opposite of where I came from.
- Mom, you should speak Bahasa.
- SAM: Whoa.
FRANKIE: Oh, my God.
- SAM: That is so cool.
- Anyway, I, you know, I found my way to L.
and started again.
I decided I wanted to be a mother.
And Brigham has been everything.
I don't even remember my life before him, you know? And I I don't know, but I had a whole big life.
I did.
Yeah, I really did.
And it's astonishing to me that now he's going to be gone.
And, um, I don't really know what I'm gonna do.
Oh, Mom, I'll come home for the holidays.
No, you won't.
It's fine.
It's just, you're gonna have your own new life.
It's the natural order.
You It's just what happens.
- Thank you.
- Oh, yes.
- Congratulations.
- Yep.
- SAM: Oh.
- FREDERICKA: You got it? - There you go.
- SAM: Ooh, this was fun.
Can we get some more sake? Uh [STAMMERS.]
Now? Yeah.
We can - Yeah.
- You.
- You.
- Can we? - FRANKIE: Oh, God.
- SAM: Oh, God.
SAM: Had a little bit, a lot.
Ooh, oh, oh, oh.
- I got it.
- Ready? There's the curb.
- SAM: Be careful.
- BRIGHAM: Good? I'll ride in the back with your mom.
- Yeah.
Maybe we go a little slow.
Your mom, with the [GRUNTS.]
- I'm scared.
I'm scared.
- Oh.
- SAM: Oh.
You're okay.
- Okay.
And she's out.
- Curtain down.
- Aww.
Mom, that's so cute.
- It's like you're her mom, too.
What? What, Mom? - You know what, Frankie? - Oh, God.
What? You're just as brilliant as Brig.
- No offense, Brig.
: None taken.
She's a million miles beyond me.
I'm just good on paper.
Frankie, seriously.
Look at you.
Look at your life.
You graduated early, you work an honest living, you punch a time card, you go to work every day.
And you're saving me a shit-ton in tuition money.
You're both shining stars.
I'm jealous of everybody who gets to meet you down the road.
BRIGHAM: Thanks, Mama Sam.
Had to celebrate you.
Ow! Ow.
I'm gonna be sick.
No, I'm not.
I am not gonna be sick.
- I'm just really scared.
- It's okay.
- Oh.
- I'm just gonna stay here for a second.
Very sweet.
Your mom is very sweet.
Do you have any water in here for her? - Got to take my shoe off.
- Oh, yeah.
- I need them off.
I need it off.
- Okay.
- I need them off.
- Yeah.
Open all Put the air for her.
So, the joke really only works if it's pronounced "So-Thuh-Bees," but it's not.
- So - Yeah.
See, that's the thing about jokes and comedy.
When you have to explain it, it's not so funny.
Okay, boomer.
Okay, for the last time, I am not boomer.
- I am Gen X.
- Okay.
- Whoa.
- Mom! What the fuck? - FRANKIE: Oh, my God.
- You scared the shit out of me.
- Why? - I never left.
We like you here.
Well, I went down a deep rabbit hole.
Gay sleepover.
I'll be right back.
Do I want to know? I'll let you know what I know when I know.
- Oh - FRANKIE: Mom! Mom? - Mom! - Okay.
- Mom! - Okay.
- Mom! - I know.
I know.
But guess what, Mommy got a generator.
We ha Let me get my flashlight.
It's never in the place I put it.
I don't like that! Mom! I know I put it in Mom.
Come on.
I just Mom.
I swear to God.
I always wanted to just have Yes! Yes! Yes! Here we go.
- Ow.
Oh, the genny works.
Ha, ha! The genny works.
We have a genny.
So good.
Mommy did it.
Honey? See? [PANTING.]
See? Your mom has a generator.
We are boots on the ground for when shit jumps off.
Aren't you proud of me? Hello? Hello? - "You're awesome, Mom.
" - RICH: Come down.
- I think I know what I don't know.
- "Thank you for ensuring our safety and for the dinner.
You're so nice.
" I mean [GASPS.]
RICH: Sam? Oh, my God, Sam.
Oh, my God.
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire Sweetie.
The roof, the roof - Ooh.
- Sweetie.
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn Burn, motherfucker, burn
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