BH90210 (2019) s01e03 Episode Script

The Photo Shoot

1 Previously on BH90210 GABRIELLE: It's about the reboot.
Part of my agreeing to do it is having Andrea explore her sexuality.
JENNIE: You always thought you could just charm your way out of everything.
Something my wife constantly reminds me of.
The one you just cheated on? IAN: They set up some cameras around the house so I can catch her cheating.
In the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom.
I'm pregnant.
DOCTOR: I did discover a preexisting fertility issue.
- Have a good night, guys.
Drive safe.
- Good night.
I hope I'm not too late.
Eh, sorry, ma'am, we closed at midnight.
Maybe you could make an exception for an old friend.
I make all kinds of exceptions for old friends.
What are you looking for, Kel? I was in the mood for a midnight snack.
Something sweet? Something hot.
KELLY: Oh! You really know how to satisfy a girl's hunger.
- What the hell? - JASON: Cut! [BELL RINGS.]
Don't worry, man.
The baby's not yours.
CAMILLE: I'm home.
Or shall I say, "We're home"? JASON: Welcome back.
I'm winded, my feet hurt.
I just want a long, hot bath.
- You all right? - Yeah, I'm just thinking about the baby.
Wondering if we're gonna have a boy or a girl.
If it's gonna have your beautiful smile.
- Or yours.
- No, I don't think that's gonna happen.
Turns out that kick in the nuts was a real kick in the nuts.
I can't have kids.
Because of the injury? No.
It was a preexisting condition.
Nothing to do with the injury at all.
Are they sure? I Yeah.
They're sure.
I'll be at Gabby's.
Jason, okay, okay, I messed up.
It was an accident.
Accidental unprotected sex? That's your excuse? I was in New York with the Charlize movie, and I was under so much stress.
I just I had one too many Kamikazes.
Were you ever gonna tell me? It was the only time.
I assumed the baby was yours, and I just didn't want to Didn't want to what? Hurt me? [CHUCKLES.]
GABRIELLE: This doesn't change how I feel about you.
How could it not, Gab? You say you're into women now, and I'm not a woman.
I don't want you to be a woman.
I love you.
I love being with you.
I love who you are.
What is it? Are you bored? I'm not bored.
- You are my best friend.
- And your husband, Gabrielle.
- I'm your husband.
- Yes, you're my husband.
But when she kissed me, it was electric, and it was just too strong.
I can't ignore that.
People are attracted to other people all the time.
We're grown-ups.
We have to make choices.
This is not about choices.
It is a side of myself I have not dealt with and I want to.
I don't know how I feel about this.
But I-I don't want to have an open marriage.
It's not about an open marriage.
This is something I need to explore.
Then explore.
But I'm not gonna sit around pining away while you do it.
TORI: Babe? Have you seen my phone? I can't find it, and I'm so late.
Why? Where are you going? To the Fox pitch.
For the reboot? That's back on? I don't think you told me that.
Pretty sure I did.
I don't know.
Maybe you were asleep or something.
- Have you given any thought - No.
about how this affects us as a family? I am doing this for our family.
You are? I thought you were doing it because you wanted to be on a real TV show instead of this reality crap - that we've been shooting.
- Don't go there.
What if it's a success? Huh? - Guys, is my phone under there? Please.
- Then what? - Oh, yeah.
Found it, found it.
- TORI: Thank you.
- Thank you, babies.
- We both found it.
Oh, 'cause that would suck, right? - We did.
- What-what are you afraid of? That I'm gonna be a success? No, I'm worried that you're gonna be gone, from our house, from our kids.
- This is hard.
- It is hard.
Here, Mama, you're gonna go to Daddy, okay? Come here, sweetheart.
- Don't worry.
I'll try not to be too successful, okay? - Bye-bye.
- Bye.
TORI: Be good for Daddy.
Okay, I just want to see if I understand this correctly.
Jason's directing, Jennie's overseeing casting, Gabby's providing story ideas, and Ian wants to handle product integrations.
And you're all executive producers.
I have a question for you.
Have you reached out to Joe E.
Tata yet? Maybe he'd like to be the CEO of Fox.
Look, i-if I hadn't made all these promises, there would be no show.
But we're gonna work it out.
- We're all friends.
You forget I was on the show.
I know you people.
And I never told you, but you were amazing as Emily Valentine.
I can't believe you gave up acting to be an executive.
None of that.
No buttering me up.
And oh, my God, you were my fav in Chucky.
Okay? Unlike the rest of you, I grew up.
You got famous so young, you never grew or evolved as people.
Which is so repellent, and yet so deliciously fascinating.
Well, I do what I can.
Well, there's gonna be more drama off-camera than on.
And it's gonna be on you to manage it.
Are you sure you're prepared for that? I have hired an excellent writer.
We're gonna have a great script.
And social media connections I got 'em all over the place.
In fact, we are trending right now.
And I am gonna recreate our iconic cast photo.
I just want you to remember one thing.
This is a billion-dollar property for Fox.
And Shannen better be on board.
Don't screw it up.
This is surreal, right? What, that we're so old we all need readers? BRIAN: It's bananas.
I keep thinking, "What the hell have I done?" Time warp in a good way.
I did not realize how much I missed your guys.
Well, wait till you guys all read these story pages.
- They're so good.
- JENNIE: Can we just talk about the fact that we were all sent mutilated 90210 dolls? - I mean, is that okay? - Look, I am trying to keep it positive right now.
GABRIELLE: Well, I did not appreciate seeing my doll's limbs severed, but, uh, she did have great legs.
Mine was beheaded and disemboweled.
I'm pretty sure dolls don't have bowels, - but your story, that's great.
- Mine didn't.
Oh, right.
The show must go on.
- Mm-hmm.
- So who cares if we're all dead? We'll just do "90210: The Zombie Years".
: Isn't that what we're doing already? [JENNIE LAUGHS.]
Can you stop doing that? - What? - Looking at me.
I just remembered a dream I had last night.
I just remembered a nightmare I had, and I'm still having it.
- I.
You're so late.
- Eh - JASON: Where you been, man? - IAN: Well, I don't even know.
Roosevelt, the Viper Room, Bar One.
It's really kind of a blur.
I haven't even been home yet.
Ah, that's fantastic.
You, uh, you smell like pickle juice, and now I get to cuddle with you on a giant bed.
Excuse me, do you mind bringing me some coffee? I'm so hungover, I.
- You're joking? - Maybe a muffin? I don't normally eat so carb-y, but I'm feeling like I got to I got to do something.
So that's not really my job.
Oh, hey, I'm sorry.
Uh, my-my mistake.
But if you see a cup of coffee, I would so, so appreciate it.
Oh, you have you have really pretty eyes.
: Uh, Z, you're, uh [CHUCKLING.]
: sitting on all of your story pages.
Just check them out.
You're gonna love your character.
- Yeah? - Got some juicy stuff in here, Z.
Juicy? Are there some juicy muffins over there? JENNIE: Can you guys both just stop saying "juicy," please? Because it's really gross.
Steve Sanders a CEO like we talked about? BRIAN: Well, he's in a suit, and there's a boardroom, so it's something business-y.
And he's got an awesome sex scene in New York.
He bangs some married woman - after one too many Kamikazes.
- Steve Sanders is a good guy.
- He wouldn't do something like that.
- GABRIELLE: Come on.
There's a lot to play there, I.
He's comforting a high-profile publicist whose marriage is in trouble? That's good.
JASON: Uh, I-I'm sorry.
Can I Can I just, uh, take the temperature of the room on this? Have Kamikazes made a comeback? Like, was there some Kamikaze renaissance and I just didn't get the memo? No.
There hasn't.
It's just bad writing.
Okay? No one's ordered a Kamikaze since 1999.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Tori, I need to meet this writer right now.
: Oh, coffee.
This is my coffee.
Let me introduce myself.
Anna Blakemore.
I'm one of the new writers on the show.
- Hey, Anna.
- IAN: Hey, Anna.
It's nice to meet you.
And your eyes.
Stop it with the eyes.
- What? - Are you seriously commenting on my physical appearance? That is so inappropriate.
- It was just a compliment.
- And I don't want one.
When did it become inappropriate to compliment a woman? I think it was, like, 2007 when it turned the corner.
If I didn't compliment Stacey every hour, she'd be all over me.
Dude, you probably should've taken that as a sign.
TORI: Guys, I want you to meet Jack Carlisle, our amazing head writer.
The cast.
- IAN: How are you, Jack? - Hi.
- Yeah, we've actually met.
- JACK: I'm excited to be working on this project with you guys.
Yeah, I think you know my wife, too.
- Camille? - No way.
You're married to Camille? - Yeah.
- She did PR - on a movie I wrote.
- You actually think I'm gonna let you write on my show, - you son of a bitch? - What do you mean? - I know about you and my wife.
- Hey, Jay, Jay.
- Easy, man.
Easy, man! - Hey, come on.
Come on, Jay! - I know how you get violent.
- Hey, we're all adults.
- Jay, use your words.
- JASON: Fine.
You want some words? This son of a bitch slept with my wife and got her pregnant.
- BRIAN: Good words, Jay.
- Oh, I don't know what to do.
GABRIELLE: I said it before, and I'll say it again: group therapy.
JENNIE: No, she's talking about now.
She doesn't know what to do now.
Uh, guys, can we just get through the shoot? Fine.
But I'm coming for you, Jack.
Look, man, it's not my fault your wife wasn't being satisfied at home.
- [GASPS.]
Somebody had to do something about that guy's dialogue.
Anyone know a good shrink? [BEVERLY HILLS, 90210 THEME SONG PLAYING.]
THERAPIST: Coworkers are like family.
I mean, you get all the same issues.
Complicated power dynamics can breed anger and resentment.
And the only way to work through these issues is to talk about them as a group.
So I'm glad you came to see me.
- I'm sorry, this is freaking weird.
- JASON: Yeah, I agree.
- Sorry, Carol.
- Oh, please.
Call me Mom.
Just kidding.
Come on, guys, give her a chance.
I mean, she is a real licensed therapist.
Those years on 90210 were a great training ground, I mean, for observing a whole gamut of psychopathology.
Regular Harvard of dysfunction.
Yeah, no kidding.
CAROL: It might be unconventional to know your therapist, but there are advantages.
I know your history, so we can just dive right in.
Uh, Tori, why don't you start.
- Do I have to? - BRIAN: You scheduled the appointment, - so probably, yep.
- Well, as you know, uh, we're trying to get this reboot going, and I'm producing it, so And we have to manage a lot of personalities.
- Oh, yeah.
- Sorry, is she allowed to interrupt me during therapy? Did that upset you, Tori? I mean, do you want to say something to Gabby? No, none.
It's fine.
I just brought us here to be proactive.
- I didn't mean to cut you off.
- 'Cause we're spending a lot of time together, and Again.
She just did it again.
GABRIELLE: We have a lot of bickering going on.
We're-we're coming to blows.
- We're actually being threatened.
- Threatened how? Just some weird fan mail.
It's no big deal.
- I got much kinkier stuff in the '90s.
- Mutilated dolls.
JENNIE: I'm so freaked out by it, I sent my daughter to stay with her stepdad.
Sorry if it's no big deal to you, but it is to me.
Okay, uh, guys, I talked to the network.
They're gonna provide bodyguards for anyone that feels unsafe.
- Great.
Sign me up.
- BRIAN: No, thanks.
My house is already like Fort Knox.
Yeah, I'm staying with Gabby, so I think we'll be okay.
Gab will protect us.
I'm good.
I'll take my chances on my own.
Dude, we saw you handle Carlisle.
And we know violence is never the answer.
The guy slept with my wife.
- [SIGHS.]
I'm so sorry, Jay.
- Thanks.
JENNIE: Can we stop with the "I'm so sorry"? Why are we setting him up to be such a victim? Such a double standard, again.
Why does nothing ever change? What are you even talking about? Okay, let's everybody just just take a breath.
And just listen to each other.
So, when did you all get back into each other's lives? ALL: Vegas.
- And Tori got us arrested.
- TORI: I am sorry.
I messed up, but it was all-around messy.
I mean, lan's wife cheated on him, and Jen, she had a real low point in her sex life.
: You told her? CAROL: Jason, remember, all words for all ears.
"You told her?" Did you two bang? - Are you out of your mind? - That is disgusting.
Look, what goes on between them is private.
You told Gabby? And you didn't tell me? No, I didn't tell you.
Why would you bring up a low point in my sex life? 'Cause I thought we were talking about the pig farmer.
And thanks.
I'm glad you don't think of me as enough of a friend that you'd even tell me.
Okay, that is really low, Tor.
If I don't tell you something, there's a perfectly good reason, other than the fact you have a big mouth.
- That's why.
And I'm glad you all know now, because you can see Jason for what he really is.
Oh, so hurt and offended by Camille when he did the same thing.
JASON: Whoa, stop coming at me like you didn't have a part in this.
Oh, I played a part in it, and I'm sorry about that.
But I'm not jeopardizing this whole thing because of my fragile ego.
So now you want to blame me for what Carlisle did? No, I am blaming you for being a hypocrite.
Thank you.
I've had enough.
What do you want to talk about next? That's a wrap for me.
I got my own crap to deal with.
Nice to see you, Carol.
I'm good.
Awesome start, by the way.
- Guys.
- They're just not ready for this.
And I don't need therapy.
So see you.
Hey, Gab? Well, Mom, this was fun.
We made a little progress.
- You know, baby steps.
- Yeah.
Oh, and if you need me for a cameo, Mr.
Director, just - [JASON CHUCKLES.]
- call my people.
Not a chance.
- TORI: Jay? - CAROL: Tori.
You know, we still have some time.
Would you like to talk about something in your personal life? My insurance wouldn't cover that.
BRIAN: So, why is it you want to be my assistant? Huge 90210 fan.
My mom and I would watch together all the time.
You look really familiar.
Are you sure we haven't met? I think I'd remember meeting Brian Austin Green.
God, did I just say it like that? Sorry.
- Nerves.
Uh - SHAY: Hey, babe.
Keeping it together starting now.
This is my wife.
Shay, this is Zach.
She's not used to being shook.
ZACH: Did I do something wrong? Sorry.
I did my research.
I know you're, like, this major-league pop star.
I I-I'm not a top-40s guy.
No, it's all good.
Tor, it's me again.
I'm sorry.
Call me back.
You better let go of me, you psycho.
I have a bodyguard, and he's gonna kick your ass! Well, I could try kicking my own ass, but I'm not that flexible.
Wyatt Jackson.
Your bodyguard.
So, I think I'm gonna hire that Zach kid.
He seems, uh, pretty sharp.
Judging by the look on your face, - you don't agree with me.
- I don't know.
I just met him.
And so did you, for that matter.
What do you actually know about him? There's something off about that boy.
My agency vetted him.
He's he's practically an altar boy.
That would explain his outfit.
You're just mad because he didn't geek out over you.
I don't care about that.
Hire whoever you want, with absolutely no taste in music and fashion.
But when it all goes wrong, don't blame me.
I will not, because you are perfect.
I am, and that's why you married me.
CHRISTINE: I've been thinking about this.
And as a queer woman, I'm very invested in your story.
Oh, not my story.
You mean, uh, A-Andrea's story.
Well, you know, for Andrea, she's a a very happily married woman, but, you know, her kids are all grown.
And she's in a, uh a new phase of life, reassessing and, you know, open to new things and feelings and And we're still talking about Andrea, right? Oh, yeah.
It's Andrea.
I mean, you know, I'm just very close to the character.
Okay, this is about me.
It is about me, and I just I thought that if I I could have Andrea do this, I could see how it feels.
It would feel great.
You'll be open and free.
- And I think Andrea is gonna be very lucky with the ladies.
- You do? - I know it.
: You know, I told my husband about this, and he accused me of wanting to cheat.
This isn't about that.
I didn't know how to explain that.
Well, two things can be true at once.
Which is a good thing for you to know if you're gonna be bi.
Oh, you think I'm bi and-and not gay? How would I know if you don't even know? People get so hung up on these labels.
And they have a hard time differentiating between sex and identity.
Man, that is really good.
Somebody has got to write that for Andrea.
- I'm gonna do it right now.
- No, no, you're not taking notes.
As an actress, why don't you try to live it? Like method.
Are you ready for that? I think I am.
Uh, not below the neck, [CHUCKLING.]
: but I can work my way down.
Well, then, get out there.
Hit up a bar.
Get yourself on a dating app.
- Like research.
- Right.
Think research.
Hey, Anna, look, I'm sorry for whatever it is you thought I did.
- What I thought you did? - Yeah, whatever I said that offended you.
The asking me to get you coffee part or the unsolicited opinions on my facial features? Can we just talk like two humans, please? I don't get why you got so bothered that I gave you a compliment.
I mean, what's with everyone now? Everyone who? - Well, women in general.
- Mm.
I just got out of a marriage, and it's like the entire world changed while I was married.
Apparently, I can't say anything nice to women without it coming back to bite me; - I can't win.
- What are you trying to win? Okay, I give up.
Just for the record, I wasn't trying to flirt with you.
I didn't intend to be inappropriate.
I was just trying to be nice.
And I'm telling you it was offensive.
Let it go.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Ugh.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Do you trust me? Do you even have to ask? I always have.
I always will.
And we haven't even talked in 20 years.
- Yet my best friend - Oh, you and Jen, huh? - You guys still haven't talked? - No.
She just keeps calling me, and - [PHONE CHIMING.]
- Here we go again.
Oh, give me a second.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
Just wanted to say hi.
I didn't know what time you were gonna be home.
It's Mommy.
Hi, babies.
- I love you.
- Hi, Mommy.
BRIAN: Hey, Tor? Does my butt look okay in these pants? PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Hey, Tori, your 4:00's ready.
I'll be right there.
I got to go, babe.
Duty calls.
And your butt looks great.
Okay, well, first of all, the cast just loves all of your story ideas.
: Oh, yeah.
The gang gathers back at the Peach Pit.
That's real groundbreaking stuff you did there.
I think so.
And, Jay, I know you're just gonna elevate the pilot with your vision.
Hey, if it ain't on the page, it ain't on the stage.
TORI: Good.
So, we're almost there, and I know it hasn't been smooth sailing, but I feel like we all want the same thing: to make a great TV show.
So, can't we just all work together in a friendly and professional manner? Of course.
And, man, I know this has been hard - on both of us.
- Hard? You knocked up my wife.
JACK: Jason, no one wanted this.
Camille carrying my kid? TORI: Can't we just let all that go and make a great TV show? No, I can't.
I'm sorry, T, but producers have to make difficult decisions.
So decide.
Him or me.
I don't know what to do.
Everyone loves Carlisle's writing, so if we lose him, then I completely have to start from scratch.
- Mm-hmm.
- And then there's Jason.
He's my friend, and he's a huge part of the show.
Can you even do the show without him? No.
So I need to talk Jason into being okay with Carlisle.
And Brian thinks that maybe if I give Jay a couple days to cool off, that everything will be fine, but I don't have that time.
Producing is so hard.
Luckily, you've got Brian.
All that sound advice for my wife.
You guys getting along? - Brian and I always got along.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
Babe? Are you jealous? I mean, he was your boyfriend.
It's a little weird.
We dated for, like, five minutes 20 years ago.
Right, when you were working together.
And now you're working together again.
I was 20 years old.
I'm a grown woman now, with an amazing husband and fabulous kiddos.
And I'm trying so hard to prove myself as a producer.
So, if there was an attraction, which there isn't, it would be a really dumb move.
Just don't have any love scenes with him, all right? Donna, David, can we leave that all in the past? Fine.
If it'll make you feel better.
It would, a lot.
- Hey, Tor.
- Hey.
Listen, isn't there a way you could try to make this work, please? For me? The network loves Carlisle.
If I have to replace him, - it's not good.
- Tori.
When Camille told me she was pregnant, I was excited.
I was excited to be a dad.
- I'm sorry.
- Me, too.
So I can't be around that douchebag who took that away from me.
I get that.
That's why I called the network.
I told them I'm out unless they dump him.
- Wait.
You called the network? - Someone had to.
I knew you weren't gonna be able to do it.
20 years later, you still can't handle confrontation.
Leave it to the professionals.
Well, thanks for undermining me.
I'm a producer.
I can handle confrontation.
'Cause Christine said she's gonna call you.
My husband's not doing the movie, so I'm not doing my song.
End of discussion.
Where's Bryce? Oh, shoot.
Bryce! [PANTING.]
: Bryce! Bryce! Oh.
Oh, my God.
Come here, baby, come here.
Oh! Are you okay? - What were you doing with her? - I was picking up Brian's dry cleaning and found her at the gate.
I must have left the top lock open when I came in.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
- JENNIE: Boo.
- [GASPS.]
Oh! Oh, my God.
You just made me pee in my pants a little bit.
- Sorry.
- What are you doing here? I'm stalking you.
Why haven't you called me back? - 'Cause I'm mad at you.
- Oh.
- Well, I'm mad at you.
- Then why are you here? You know me.
I run hot and cold.
: Why is that guy staring at us? - Mm, that's just Bodyguard.
- Ma'am.
- He called you "ma'am.
" - That makes me feel old.
If I knew they looked like that, I would have gotten myself one.
I'm her friend.
Can you just, like, flex for me or something, like - No? - Just ignore her and go secure the perimeter, whatever it is that you do.
Look, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about Jason.
And I'm sorry I talked about your sad sex life in front of the group.
How could you not tell me about Jason? I don't know.
I don't I don't want to talk about it.
If I talk about it, then it makes it real.
Tor, what if I care about Jason Priestley? Oh, my God.
What if it's more than that? How could this even be? You're so mean to him.
Part of my charm.
So, what are you gonna do? I don't know.
But I know what I'm not gonna do.
: Sorry.
- I got to go.
- Okay.
- I love you.
- Bye.
You've somehow managed to completely sabotage the show.
We're two weeks from shooting, and now we have to fire the writer? Do you know what that means? We'll have no script.
And we already built the freaking Peach Pit! - Do we have to fire him? - Don't be so naive.
Of course we have to fire him.
Otherwise, we have no director.
And you know what that means? We have no leading man.
'Cause, in case you forgot, they're the same freaking person.
Fire him.
No, that's your job.
Me? I have to do it? - You're the network.
- And you're the producer.
The one that chose friends over business.
Okay, fine.
I will fix this.
And while you're fixing things, where are we with Shannen? I have really tried.
She is really hard to reach.
Let me tell you something, Little Miss Producer.
Because of you, this whole show could get shut down.
So, if I were you, I'd stop complaining about how hard things are, get Shannen to that photo shoot and put on my big-girl panties and go find some big solutions.
- IAN: "Big-girl panties"? - [SIGHS.]
I thought she was gonna fire me right there.
Well, there is an upside to this downside.
What? I've never seen you move so fast.
I can't do this.
I can't fire someone.
You know I hate confrontation.
Tori, a tiger doesn't lose sleep over the opinions of monkeys.
Go get him, tiger.
I do like stripes.
Jack, hi.
Uh, I was wondering if I could talk I'd like to talk to you right now, please.
What's this about? I'm sort of busy.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I'm just in the middle of writing.
- It's about that.
- What if David Silver had a secret affair with Mrs.
Walsh - after college? - Ew.
Yet oddly interesting.
Where's it go? Yeah, I don't know.
Maybe a love child.
Jack, this isn't working.
You had sex with our leading man's wife, and this is causing way too much tension.
This reboot is too important, you're fired, and you need to get out.
- I totally get it.
- You do? Wow.
No hard feelings? That probably wasn't easy for you.
- Oh, you have no idea.
Yet it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
- No offense.
- None taken.
It's called being a producer.
- Hey.
Bryce just told me that she ran away yesterday.
Bryce got out the front door.
I literally took my eyes off of her for, like - one minute.
- One day! - It was one minute.
- For one day, - and this is what happens? - It was my fault! I left the top lock open when I went to get the dry cleaning.
I'm sorry.
I'll be more careful in the future.
How long is this gonna go on? How long are you gonna live here? [CHUCKLES.]
I'm kind of taking it day by day.
I've been thinking about a lot of things.
You can still have what you want.
Who's that? Ugh.
You can still be a father to that baby.
Except I'm not the father.
It's not about biology.
You came all the way here You came all the way here just to tell me that? Go talk to Camille.
She's your wife.
Admit to her that you're no saint, either.
You deserve to be happy.
I'll let you take that.
Hello? So, I think I'm gonna fire Zach.
You were right.
We can't trust him.
Yes, we can.
Babe, it was 100% my fault.
I'm the one who left the door unlocked.
And I'm sitting here thinking about, what if something would've happened to her? And I'm so thankful that she's okay, and I'm thankful to you 'cause you're so good with them.
I'm good with them 'cause I'm in so deep.
You know, it's it's on-the-job training.
Isn't that supposed to be instinctual? I mean, I am their mother, right? Uh, it is, but it isn't.
Listen, you're you're a great mom.
You really are.
: You just made a mistake.
And we'll figure it out.
I promise.
Okay? - Okay.
Hey, Jay.
One more, Artie.
Uh, you sure, buddy? Yeah, just one more.
Oh, Brian, I love you.
I love you guys.
My boys are here.
Dude, you started without us.
- That's insulting.
Bartender called me, said he was hitting it pretty hard.
- Come on, Artie.
- Of course he did.
You okay? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You all right? Yeah? How about we, uh, take you home? See you home? - No.
- That's a good idea.
I don't want to go home.
There's nothing there.
That's not true.
I've seen your house.
It's gorgeous.
Pool, Jacuzzi, the whole Yeah, thanks, but there's nobody there to share it with.
That's the problem.
- JASON: Hey.
And all these beautiful women.
Who's gonna want to date me? Apparently, I offend every woman I come across.
Buddy, you're gonna be fine.
: Oh, no, Jay.
No, no, no.
You don't understand.
The world has changed.
You'll see.
You're gonna want to get out there, and when you do, you're gonna find out the playing field It's like a minefield.
You and me, we're like dinosaurs now.
Women run from us.
Don't go complimenting any woman.
Just don't do it.
Don't tell them they have got nice eyes, because you're objectifying them.
Flattery's been banished.
I just don't know why.
Stacey used to love being complimented, flattered, whatever it took.
- I wouldn't - She liked it.
- I wouldn't drink that.
- It made her happy.
I liked making her happy.
Stacey was bad news.
- You dodged a bullet there.
- You did.
No, maybe I played it wrong.
Mmm, water.
Look at that.
Ah, it's delicious, isn't it? Should we go? - That's good stuff.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, big boy, come on.
- Let's go.
Come on.
There you are.
Bodyguard? [CLATTERING.]
Bodyguard? Bodyguard? - You really don't know my name yet? - [GASPS.]
"Bodyguard" is just so much more fun to say.
Why are you just lurking in the shadows? It's literally my job to lurk in the shadows.
Okay, well, did you hear that noise? What if there's somebody out there or somebody on the roof? What if there's two of them? One out there and one on the roof? Why are you just standing there so calm? It's my job to be calm so I don't make any rash decisions like attacking people with expensive art objects.
You are fine.
Take a deep breath.
Trust me.
I don't do that.
I love you, babies.
I know I've been giving you a hard time, but I finally got a good night's sleep last night knowing you were out there lurking in the shadows scaring off the stalkers and super-criminals.
- So thanks for that.
- Anytime.
Mm, right, you have to do that.
I've just become one of those celebrities that only hangs out with people that work for her.
My shift ended 20 minutes ago.
My relief guy's already here.
Well, you should go, then, if you're off the clock.
Okay, then.
Or you could stay.
Not everything has to be that complicated.
Thanks for that, Wyatt.
Bodyguard has a name.
Yes, he does.
Camille? You came home.
No, I, uh I came to talk.
I was I am angry.
You have every right to be.
So do you.
I haven't been honest with you.
Something happened in Vegas with Jennie.
Again, thank you so much for finding Bryce.
She was doing just fine.
She's an adventurous kid.
Yeah, she's crazy.
Got to keep an eye on her.
Hey, quick question.
Um, I Why did you tell me that you were the one that left the door unlocked when you knew that it was Shay? I saw how bad she felt.
My mom messed up way worse than that.
Didn't mean she loved me any less.
Hold on a second.
I, uh, got something for you.
So you can let yourself in.
- Hi.
First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain - Then there is - [GRUNTING, PANTING.]
- First there is a mountain - [YELPS.]
Then there is no mountain, then there is [CONTINUES GRUNTING, PANTING.]
The caterpillar sheds his skin To find a butterfly within Caterpillar sheds his skin To find a butterfly within First there is a mountain I I came all this way to find you.
You're not Tori? Shan! There you are.
- I need your help.
- Oh You know, I can't help you.
Enlightenment, it comes from within.
- No, no.
I'm doing the 90210 reboot.
- And how's that going for you? - [BIRD SCREECHES.]
TORI: It's going pretty great.
I mean, aside from a few dumb rookie mistakes on my part.
There are no mistakes, except for the ones that we don't learn from, you know? You're so right.
And you know what I've learned from mine? Is that I need to say what I want.
And what I want is you to be a part of our show.
Shan, please.
Look, I know I'm not a baby tiger or a sea lion or an Amazon river dolphin, but I do need rescuing.
You heard what he said.
Look up, you caught my eye But then you passed me by Now I'm not the same Where the hell is Tori Spelling? [SIGHS.]
I picked the wrong week to quit vaping.
Thank God for vodka, though, am I right? - Absolutely.
- I see what you did there.
- Yeah, see, it's good, right? Yeah.
How's your research going? [SIGHS.]
Man, I downloaded this dating app, but I have not had any hits.
Okay, is that No, it's an elbow.
Oh, thank God.
Really? But why? Because what if somebody recognizes me and leaks it to the tabloids? I Look, I have not told my kids, my friends have no idea, and I'm sure that's why I don't have a match.
Just give it some time, okay? Thank you.
Well, here we go again.
How are you feeling about this? Well, I signed up for weekly sessions with Carol Potter.
By the way, you were right.
- About everything.
- Oh, good.
I like being right.
- Yeah, I know you do.
- I'm happy for you.
I am.
IAN: Bri, thanks for playing cleanup the other night.
- I know it wasn't pretty.
- Oh, dude, no problem.
- IAN: Oh.
You know what? Let's just start over.
Happy to.
I can understand that your archaic behavior - might not be your fault.
- Thanks.
So, moving forward, I'm gonna institute some specific rules so that we all have boundaries.
Oh, good, you'll institute some rules.
I'm the new head writer.
I'll be replacing Jack Carlisle.
Brian, I'm actually starting on your new character arc.
I love how sweet David and Donna always were.
- Thank you.
- And now it's time to get it hot and heavy.
I mean, the fans are just gonna go crazy.
No, I can't explain When you look my way - [PHONE RINGING.]
- My way, my way, my way My way, my way, my way, my way - - My way, my way, my way, my way My way, my way, my way When you look my way, my way Wait! I'm here.
Sorry I'm late.
This not gonna work.
Maybe you could just do some retouching later, but please don't go overboard.
Like, maybe somewhere between Kylie Jenner and Cher.
No amount of retouching is gonna fix the mistakes that you've made.
Hey, guys.
Tori said that you might be needing my help.
Well, hello.
Well, hello.
CHRISTINE: Spelling, I don't know how you pulled this off, but I'm impressed.
Well, maybe because I'm a good producer.
Let's do this.
- CHRISTINE: Ian, get down.
- IAN: All right, let's do it.
- Okay, Tori.
That's nice.
Who would've cared at all? Not you Another heart Has made the grade Forget it It's actually kind of nice to be back.
- I don't understand - [CAMERA CLICKING.]
How the last card is played But somehow the vital connection is made