Big Box Little Box (2015) s01e02 Episode Script

Episode 2

1 Over 20,000 new products are released in the UK every month.
- I've always wanted one of them! - Ah! An inflatable hot tub! - It can't be a car.
- It IS a car! - But are they any good? - I look like a blancmange.
To help us find out, five homes across Britain are getting a special delivery.
- Come on, Rover.
- Moving from here Over two days they'll be living with a truckload of gadgets and gizmos You look like such an idiot! .
to find out if they really make life easier - Wow! - Ahhh! Foot down! Oh, it's amazing! .
or if, God forbid, they're simply a waste of space.
- What? - Oh, that is ridiculous.
Instructions: "Get your wife to come out and do it.
" - You've missed this bit.
- Could you stop criticising please? (SHRIEKS) This week Oh, good Lord.
will our home tanning kit get a glowing review? - Does it look good? - (LAUGHTER) Our families make mincemeat out of everyday cooking, - with a meat grinder.
- Ha ha ha! - Oh my gosh! - That's fantastic! And a pair of pants that won't cause a stink.
Flatulence-filtering underwear.
It's Day One of testing.
What's in the boxes this week? Body wax and shave! - How hairy is your back, Tom? - Oh, look at that! We've not got enough for him.
You get calming oil wipes, so you won't be stressed.
Alex, Tom, Lewis and Luke are best friends and have lived together for 18 months.
These Nads Waxing Strips for Men could take their friendship to a whole new level.
- I hate you.
- Let's do it all at the same time.
Right, how do you want -- - (TEARING) - Ah, ah, ah! - (GASPS) - (LAUGHTER) What have you done? Ohh! I forgot that one was on there! Do you want some balm? Soothe yourself? - Ooh.
- That nice, is it? - That soothing? - Very.
- Let's go, girls.
- You've hardly got hair anywhere.
Oh, look, no, I found some.
Engineer Neville is a dad to five daughters, and he's never had a beauty treatment in his life.
- One, two, three.
- (RIP) Oh, look! - A few hairs.
- A few hairs came off.
- Why don't you guys do it? - Because it's for men.
But in general, my love, men don't wax.
- Yes they do.
- They do.
They wax their, um, backs and crack.
(LAUGHTER) - (RIP) - Oh, you knob! Good news, lads.
"The same strip can be re-used.
" We have got to test how good they are, so we'll just keep re-using them (RIP) (RIP -- RIP -- RIP -- RIP) You're such a -- why don't you just do it properly? Ohh! £8.
99 for the wax strips.
20 in a pack.
- We'd have to spend 90 quid to sort you out.
- It's a lot.
Whenever I see these hot waxes women do, that looks really painful.
But that weren't painful at all.
But when are you watching women getting waxed? (LAUGHTER) It's early afternoon.
- What is it, pet? - Ooh! Husband and wife Ford and Jane are opening the largest box next.
It's the ElliptiGO 8C, not one of your average bikes.
It's a bit like a cross-trainer on a bike frame.
Well, now, how do you ride it? It claims to have all the benefits of running without the impact, so it could be easier on the joints.
I assume you put your feet in here.
That's it, dear.
That's what turns the wheel.
Be careful you don't get near that chain.
If you tell me one more thing, - I really am going to have to blow my top.
- Right.
- (WHIRRING) - There we are.
Got it.
That's it.
- It's not moving, is it? - No.
Until recently, Neville was a member of two gyms.
But he cancelled both memberships as he'd never been to either.
This new type of fitness device could be the push he needs to start exercising.
(LAUGHTER) - I give it about five seconds.
- (LAUGHTER) See? Look at how it looks! It looks like you're trying to run! - On a bike! - Yeah, it does.
While Neville's plodding along Keep young and beautiful .
78-year-old Ford is full steam ahead Keep young and beautiful if you want to be loved He's coming back again.
Look at that.
Look at that! Just straight away.
Very good, Ford! - Think so? - Yes! It's not often I give him praise.
Take it when I dish it out.
Rachel volunteers to go next.
- Oh, this is well weird! - Really wobbly! - Wah! - (LAUGHTER) I really did like it.
- What did you think, Rachel? - (LAUGHTER) Ahh! One thousand nine hundred and nin Golly, could have bought a house with that when I was young.
It hasn't even got a saddle.
I think it's a nice-looking bit of kit.
- Yeah.
- Maybe we could use it as a plant stand or something.
Ha ha ha! This looks interesting.
I thought that one looked interesting.
Right, here goes.
- Now this could be very handy.
- Oh dear.
It's mid afternoon in Holt, and retired teachers John and Sue are tackling the Karcher K2 Series pressure washer.
"Connect high-pressure hose to trigger gun.
" - Yeah, that's fine.
- All right.
Usually John cleans his car with a bucket of water and a rag, but this gadget promises to be much easier and quicker.
- Are you ready? - Yeah.
I wouldn't call that high pressure.
I'd say that was very low pressure.
It claims to have 50% more cleaning power than a standard high pressure lance .
if you turn it on.
(WHOOSH) The boys have never cleaned their barbecue.
(LAUGHTER) - It's got its own ecosystem.
- That's rancid.
- If my mum saw that - She is going to see it.
Bypassing the instructions altogether, they get the pressure washer going in a jiffy.
(WHOOSH) Let me tip it up now.
Hold it like that.
- Stop moving it! Agh! It's freezing! - (CACKLES) Dirtblaster away.
Wow, yes oh.
I think it's gone down to a little widdle.
Well, I'm not wildly impressed with that, are you? Maybe we're not doing it right.
How's it look? Tip it forward.
- It actually looks OK.
- Yeah, looks good.
Half-an-hour later, the barbecue's as good as new.
Well, almost.
(LAUGHS) This is the best use we've found for it.
The Smarts pride themselves on reading the instructions, but it's a full 90 minutes before they realise they just might have missed a crucial stage.
The water's certainly on.
The electricity's on.
Actually, there isn't an on-off switch, so there's no way of telling if it's on or off.
There is an on-off switch on it.
- Oh.
Where is it? - Um It's on here.
- (POP) - Oh! - (LAUGHS) - What do you think that is? I think it's going to make a massive difference.
- Do you? - I do.
We'd better try it, I think.
OK, then.
Here we go.
Bang bang.
Oh! - (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS) Oh, good Lord! - Can you put it on that bit I was complaining about? - What? Switching it on made a remarkable difference.
It became an absolutely fabulous product.
- This is fantastic! - (BOTH LAUGH) - Weren't we stupid? - We were incredibly stupid.
- Weren't we stupid? - Yes.
Oh, this is sick! It took him one second to fall in love with that.
Like a duck to water.
- Maximist? - Ha ha ha! I've got a bad feeling about this.
You shouldn't be a stick-in-the-mud.
- Ooh.
Ooh! Lads! - Wah! - Hey! - What is it? - One of them spray tan booths? I don't know! Correct! It's a Sun Tanner Maximist Light Tanning Kit.
This is going to be major.
Put it down.
The lads' favourite holiday destination is Magaluf as it's sunny, and the booze is cheap.
From now on, Luke can get an all-over tan on the Costa del Newark.
In the summertime Does it say how far away I have to do it? Ah, just about a metre.
- (LAUGHTER) - I don't like it! You're far too close.
Hey, that's a good look, that.
Now this is going to be one of those that go Ping! Ping! Ping! Every year, Ford books a five-week cycling holiday in France.
- Boom boom! - (LAUGHS) Not one for sunbathing, he's agreed to get an instant tan beforehand.
God help us.
Now, I'd like you to hold your trousers up He's opting for a traditional British tan, by keeping his socks on.
Lovely knee, you know.
Keep going.
Would you like me to do your face? Seriously? No.
No no no! Tell me when! Now.
- Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha! (GALES OF LAUGHTER) - Is that - (VOICE DROWNED BY LAUGHTER) - Does it look good? - (LAUGHTER CONTINUES) I think we got it wrong.
Show me how it looks, sweetie.
- It's impressive, that.
- It is quite impressive.
But I'm a bit worried about you keeping your socks on.
The French will see my legs, and think, they're a lot better than last time I went.
Do you honestly think they remember your legs? Oh, they remember my legs.
Homes across Britain are living with the latest gadgets and gizmos - Saucy Sue's Salon.
- Oh, thank you, John.
- .
to see if they help with modern life.
- Oof! But will our families love them - That's all right.
- Dad, don't! - Why are you rubbing it? (LAUGHTER) .
or loathe them? - We haven't got it switched on.
- (WHOOSH) Don't get your clothes wet, my darling.
ALL: Happy birthday! - It's Day Two of testing.
- Cut the paper.
While the Chances tuck into Rebecca's birthday cake - Did you just get your own plate? - Oh yeah.
- How slobbish.
Joan and her friend Ingrid are getting to grips with a meat grinder.
- Have you ever made sausages, Ingrid? - No, darling.
- That's what butchers are for.
- Ah -- yeah! Joan likes to eat healthily and will not buy supermarket sausages.
So she's attempting to make butcher quality British bangers.
You know what would be really nice -- you know what's gone in the sausage.
These are going to be the best sausages ever.
They'd better be.
They'll take us about two hours to do.
First tip: mince the meat.
Ah! We have lift-off! - Yay! - (BOTH CHEER) - Actually that is quite cool.
- Oh my gosh! - That is quite cool.
- Fantastic! The wonders of sausage! After grinding the meat, change the attachment and secure the sausage skin.
Look how easily you slide that on! I did Sex Ed at school.
- What, with a banana? - Mm.
- And the condom? - Yes.
I've got a GCSE in putting on a condom.
- You could get your master's at this rate.
- Ha ha ha! - Quite big, isn't it? - Yes.
Published authors John and Sue are doing things by the book.
Instructions! Let's see what fault we can find with them today, John.
I think these look all right to me.
Sausage skin over the sausage skin attachment.
This really is new territory as far as I'm concerned.
Now all that's left to do - is push.
- (GRINDING) Push.
Go on, push.
Oh yes, yes, yes! Oh yes! Don't sound too orgasmic.
Is it more chipolata size? No, that's a banger size.
(LAUGHTER) - Keep going.
- It's like giving birth! Oh, it's looking good.
A final push.
Twist that.
The umbilical cord is cut.
- They look gorgeous.
- I think they look all right.
You wouldn't exactly call them even, but that doesn't matter.
I think they'd be more even if I had more practice.
- Mm.
- And possibly a more skilled technician - Mm.
- .
at the business end of it.
- John's found a towel, mate.
- What, a tea towel? Do we own one of those? I'll just use a normal towel.
Joan has got some friends round to help with the next product.
OK, girlies -- flatulence-filtering underwear.
(SPLUTTERS) I don't know how we're going to test these.
No one is farting in here today, I'm telling you.
(LAUGHTER) These "Shreddies" claim to work by absorbing those nasty embarrassing smells through a back panel of carbon cloth.
But there's problem.
- I can't fart to order.
- (LAUGHTER) Can you fart if the pressure, like, filters it? (LAUGHTER) I wonder if it, like, cushions the noise? You know, so when you fart it'll be like (SQUEAKS) - (LAUGHTER) - You know what I mean? So release me I think the worry is, it's only filtering.
Well, you do.
But one household is more than happy to give the pants a try.
So I put the flatulent pants on this morning, and Lewis, would you say they were working? - I've heard 'em, but not smelt 'em.
- Onto a winner there.
I'm worried for when you take 'em off.
- I'M worried.
- (LAUGHTER) You look like that bloke in Dad's Army, the one they all hated.
Ha ha ha! - How's that for my first sausage? - Decent.
Credit where it's due, mate.
That's pretty good.
- What do you think it is? - I think it's windscreen wipers.
(LAUGHTER) Neville and his girls try to get their heads around the final product.
- What is it? - I don't know.
Just open it! John and Sue are baffled too.
What is it? Look -- "Suitable for high and low levels of special taking a picture.
" "Portable, light and spirit.
" (LAUGHS) Somebody's first language wasn't English.
"Portable, light and spirit.
" Oh look at that! Wow! This is a selfie stick! (LAUGHTER) I think we are a pretty vain lot of people, always wanting pictures of each other all over the place.
- I think it's a regrettable trend.
- I still don't quite understand.
There's no way I can actually hold the phone.
Without any instructions to follow, they're completely stuck.
Take a picture of yourself, self self But Joan has worked out it's the remote that talks to the phone, via Bluetooth.
- So selfie - (ALL CHEER) You're the one that's been pressing that! Ahh! Sue's daughter Izzy is visiting, so they've asked her for help.
Take this top bit off you put it in there, and then that can talk to that.
So - (CLICK) - There, I did it.
- So it took a photograph? - Yeah.
- That's incredible.
- Well done, Izzy.
- Yes.
- Did you take that just now? - Yeah.
Oh, right.
I think now "selfie" is in the Oxford English Dictionary, just as, I regret to say, the word "blackbird" now refers to an electronic device, not a bird.
No, that's wrong.
It's blackberry.
Oh yes! Blackberry.
Blackberry now refers to an electronic device - Not a fruit.
- .
not a fruit.
And so we've come to the end of this week's testing.
- There we go.
- Time to find out if those home made bangers are bang on.
Put my eyebrows back on.
This'll burn 'em off, mate.
You know the only thing I don't like about sausages? It's the turning.
- So you want a gadget that turns your sausages? - Yes! (LAUGHTER) - That's beautiful! - So good I want another one.
I'm not saying I'd buy the machine, but if you bought it, I'd come round.
The Chances are rounding off the day with a birthday meal.
- ALL: Cheers! - Happy birthday! So what's the verdict on this week's delivery? Huh? I really enjoyed using the selfie stick.
I think it's a really good thing to have, because it doubles up as a weapon.
(LAUGHTER) - This is quite good! Do you want to have a go? - No.
The actual machine worked extremely well, and I'd think about purchasing one if we hadn't already -- - Ahh! Over my dead body.
- OK.
Turn round! John may well benefit from a home tanning kit to get more in the kind of holiday mode.
What do you think, John? I think that you're actually off your head.
Ha ha ha ha! A portable spa with an easy set-up Instructions.
"Get your wife - to come out and do it.
" - (LAUGHTER) .
two electric go-karts for kids .
and a vest that claims to give a man an instant six-pack.
I look like a blancmange.