Big Box Little Box (2015) s01e03 Episode Script

Episode 3

1 'Over 20,000 new products are released in the UK every month.
' An inflatable hot tub! - Can't be a car.
- It is a car! - Flatulence-filtering underpants.
- (LAUGHS) 'But are they any good? To help us find out, five homes across Britain - are getting a special delivery.
' - Come on, Rover, walkies! - Move it from here.
'Over two days, they'll be living with a truckload of the latest gadgets and gizmos.
' - (ALL LAUGH) - Does it look good? See my boobs! 'To find out if they really make life easier.
' I can hear water boiling.
Yesss! 'Or if, God forbid, they're simply a waste of space.
' - You've missed this bit.
- Stop criticising, please.
Shut up! That is just ridiculous! I'm very confused.
Look at him go! - Oh, my God! - There's loads, man! 'This week, will it be sink or swim for the portable Jacuzzi?' - It's a spa! Do you know how long I've wanted one of these? - So cool! 'The households go carb-free as they make courgetti spaghetti.
' Oh, my days, what is that? Go! 'And a pair of go-karts threatens to drive our families around the bend.
' Get off! Let the kids have a go! Whoo! Awesome! Ooh, I put on my shoes And I'm ready for the weekend Ooh-hoo-hoo! That is huge.
There's a body in that one.
'It's Saturday morning, day one of testing, and it's time to see what's in the boxes this week.
' - This is me and you all over, Lewis.
- Just for me and Tom.
The Slim Ease vest.
You put that on and it makes you look really slim.
'These four mates are inseparable.
They live together, work together, and recently cemented their friendship with a holiday to Magaluf.
But there's one thing they don't do as a foursome.
' - I want muscle - (BOTH LAUGH) 'Alex and Luke spend five nights a week at the gym.
Tom and Lewis don't.
' (LAUGHS) You look like you're gonna sell me a caravan or something.
Yeah.
I look like a blancmange.
- (LAUGHS) Don't do that, please.
- I know.
- Oh, there we go! - Lovely, isn't it? 'The Slim Ease vests claim to give men the appearance of toned abs.
The vest has 12 precision-engineered structured pads which are meant to reshape the body.
' - Not bad.
- (LAUGHS) You look like Jennifer Aniston on the set of Friends.
- I don't feel like Jennifer Aniston on the set of Friends.
- (LAUGHS) - Go on, try it on.
- I'm not gonna try it on now.
- Put it on.
Try it.
Cos you don't know if it'll fit you.
'In Enfield, it's up to the man of the house, Neville, - to test the slimming vest.
' - Hold on.
(BREATHES IN) Look! (ALL LAUGH) - Look at his nipples! - Stop! 'With five daughters and one granddaughter, Neville lives his life surrounded by women, so he's not short of feminine opinions.
' - Dad, how you getting on? - I haven't put it on yet, my love.
- Oh.
'Will the slim vest pass the test?' What do you think? Cos it feels really comfortable.
Turn to the side.
I think it really has made a difference cos it's made your stomach flatter here, - as if you could have a six-pack but obviously you haven't.
- I have it's just a bit relaxed.
- I'm amazed at how it feels.
- Yeah? - It gives you - It's like supportive? - That's right.
- And I think it could improve your posture, as well.
- Would you wear it? - Yes.
It was very easy to use.
You just put it over your neck - and then put your arms in - (ALL LAUGH) - I felt like a sausage.
- I had high expectations for it.
- I thought I'd put it on and look like him.
- Thought it was a game-changer.
- But it didn't happen.
'It's almost noon.
Retired teachers Sue and John Smart live in a converted pub in Norfolk.
Today they're celebrating John's 69th birthday.
' Right, the bottle, that's from me, also.
Fantastic.
Oh, I think we might try that tonight.
- There's always lunchtime.
- Thank you very much.
That's great.
- Shall we try a small first? - OK.
- A magnetic window cleaner.
- A magnetic window cleaner? - Apparently, yeah.
- But what would be the point of this? - To clean both sides of the window - at the same time.
- Oh.
'The Smarts spend £350 a year on a window cleaner, so they are keen to put the glider through its paces.
' - You've missed this bit.
- I know.
- But does the window look clean? - You've missed this bit.
I know I have! Could you stop criticising, please? I think it was one of the most incredibly difficult items, the glider, that I've ever had the misfortune to have to spend time with.
To prevent detachment during cleaning, you may want to know this, make sure the rubber blades are always wet.
- Well, no wonder it hasn't worked, then.
- No.
It cleans the exterior of windows while staying in the room.
That means while you're staying in the room, but it doesn't say that.
I do think that really is poor.
I think the key to it was the word glider, because it did not glide.
- OK, that's been really traumatic.
- It's enough to drive you to drink.
- 'John and Sue may be sticklers for clear instructions' - Shabs! '.
.
but in Ilford, London Underground worker Sid takes a more freestyle approach with the portable spa.
' - What's happening? - I don't know yet.
Instructions.
- Get your wife to come out and do it.
- (LAUGHS) I don't think Sid even reads the instructions properly and then makes an assumption of what he actually needs to do.
Where's the pipe? There's the pipe.
'Sid loves entering competitions.
He's won eight televisions.
He's never won a spa.
' Right, spa.
Spa, spa, spa.
Yeah.
Yeah, that one.
Yeah, go on, go on.
'The instructions claim that set-up should take 20 minutes.
' - I don't think it's working, Dad.
- I know it's not.
Why? - It's not working.
It's not working.
That's what happens when you leave men in charge.
- Come on, give me a hand.
- I ain't planning on coming out nowhere to give you no hand! Thank you.
These instructions are rubbish.
- It has got a spa in.
Do you want me to help? - No, I'm fine.
- Sure? - Yeah.
'Things couldn't be more different up in Cheshire, where ex-RAF couple Matt and Nicola are tackling the spa with military precision.
They've roped in their children, Jacob and Poppy.
' - It's a nice long lead, anyway.
That's good, isn't it? - Yes, nice long lead.
I love Dad's practicality.
It's good to be practical.
- Connect the inflation hose to adaptor A.
- Adaptor A.
'Matt's now a fireman, so he's no stranger to hose and water.
(LAUGHS)' - You're good at stuff like this.
- Am I? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- It's good to be good at stuff.
- (WHIRRING) - Whey! - Got it.
- I think that's pretty quick.
- Yeah.
'20 minutes later and it's ready.
Well, ready to heat up for 12 hours, that is.
' - That's it.
- To be honest, I thought it would be more of a headache.
- Shabs! - It isn't working.
'In Ilford, Sid is getting some encouragement from his wife.
' Just shy of an hour that you've been at this so far and you're nowhere near even finishing.
Oh, look what I'm doing.
(LAUGHS) Putting it through here.
However it's coming out here.
- You're blowing air into air.
- I'm blowing air into air.
- (LAUGHS) Only you! (LAUGHS) - Lay-Z-Spa? More like Complicated Spa.
- Snail's Pace Spa.
Now we have lift-off.
Ain't no stopping us now.
I thought it was a weird name, cos it's called Lady's Spa and men can go in it, as well.
- Lay-Z.
- Lay-Z! Not Lady, Lay-Z.
Are you ready for it? - We've got water! - Yeah! It's kind of stuck.
- Oh, it's cos it's a magnet! - (BOTH LAUGH) Oh, my goodness.
I look a right wally.
- Since it's my birthday, I wonder if we shouldn't try a little sherry.
- Very well.
- Cheers.
- Good health, darling.
'It's late afternoon and Sue and John are preparing their tea with the next product, the Spiraliser.
' Hold the insertable handle with one hand, turn the crank clockwise towards the blade.
- Yes.
- Surely that's anticlockwise.
- No, it's clockwise.
- John, it's not.
I'm sorry, it's not.
- The way I'm looking at it, it's clockwise.
The way you're looking at it, it's anticlockwise.
Not good instructions.
'Designed to help you cut out the carbs, it's all the rage with health-conscious celebrities.
But will the testers be prepared to trade spaghetti for courgetti?' You are getting a piece out.
Look at that! - Yes! - That is actually quite good.
- It's all right if you like courgettes.
Mm.
'The Lloyds' troops have it up and running within minutes.
' How long does it take you to work out how to swirl a courgette? I'll tell you what, this will be a miracle if Jacob eats this.
- Do you reckon we could make some crisps? - Crisps for me and you.
Courgette for the gym lads.
- Fantastic.
- Do you think this is how Gary Lineker spends his Saturdays? - Wow, this is the - You've got the longest piece of spaghetti in the world.
'The Lloyds settle down to a carb-free courgetti supper.
' - Jacob, there's plenty more where that came from.
- Oh, my days, what is that? 'With a side of garlic bread.
' - It's courgette but it's raw.
So would you ever have eaten - Has this not been cooked? - No.
- It doesn't look very, erm - Appetising.
- .
.
appetising.
It looks a bit green.
- Would you have ever thought in your life ever you'd have eaten raw courgette? - No.
- No.
I think it's a success if it can make me eat veg, which it did.
- That's true.
- And it was quite good fun.
It's something the kids could use, as well.
Help out a bit.
Look at that.
Look at that.
It tasted nice, though, didn't it? Yes, it was all right, yes, it was fine.
- I liked it a lot.
- Hm.
Shabs! What do you think of this? What are you laughing for? Have you got a six-pack? Oh, don't! That is so embarrassing.
It's even, like, shiny and everything.
Rrrr! - It's getting near the witching hour.
- Certainly is.
We usually have a drink about six.
- Yep.
There we are.
Pop.
'The Smarts are preparing for a relaxing night at home.
' - What are we doing? - Unpacking the Singtrix.
- Oh, right.
Good.
'The Singtrix is a karaoke machine with a difference.
It claims to autotune your voice - so now anyone can have the X factor.
' - There we are.
- OK, My Voice.
Select amount of voice enhancement.
Maximum, please.
- What? - My Voice.
'It has over 300 effects and covers every musical style.
' Trippy hippy, 71.
Octave flange.
That sounds like a disease.
'Sue's mad about George Formby.
She's written a book about him and knows all his song.
' I'm leaning on the lamppost at the corner of the street In case a certain little lady passes by - Yeah.
- (LAUGHS) Good.
Very good.
- (HUMS EYE OF THE TIGER) - Come on.
'The Singtrix claims to make bad singers sound good, but does it work?' Rising up, back on the street Took my time, took my chances Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet Just a man and his will to survive - It's the - Eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight ALL: Rising up to the challenge of our rivals And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night And he's watching us all with the eye Of the tiger BOTH: Love and marriage Love and marriage Go together like a horse and carriage You would expect that anyone could sing that and produce a decent result.
No.
That was very disappointing.
'It's the end of a busy first day.
But before bed, there's just time to check the Lay Z Spa's progress.
' - What? It's only at 17! - It's only at 17? I think we're gonna have to leave it on overnight.
- Shabs! 12 hours for the water to go hot.
- Has it gone hot? - No.
What Xav decided, or he was hoping, is if you could wake up at two in the morning, - switch it on for him - Yeah.
- .
.
by two in the afternoon, he can go in it.
- I don't think so, buddy.
- It's not happening.
Sorry, boys.
I definitely wouldn't buy one.
Sid's more than welcome to buy one.
I wouldn't even enter a competition to win one.
I wouldn't even win one for free.
Never, ever.
Sorry.
Never.
Not happening.
Whoa! 'Five households across Britain are living with the latest gadgets and gizmos.
' - I'm trying to wash up the Spiraliser.
- Oh.
- Is it easy or not? - No, it isn't.
- Hm.
'All promise to change your life, but will they do what they say on the tin?' - I can't wait to get my cozie on.
- 'Or end up in the bin?' - How many sausages? - Ohh.
'It's morning on day two.
' - Turn it on? - Go for it.
- That's very nice.
Possibly a bit of gin in the top wouldn't do any harm.
- (LAUGHS) - Oi.
The ironing got done yesterday.
- Yeah.
- Where was it supposed to go? - In the cupboard.
- And where is it? - On the bed.
- Why is it on the bed? 'Sunday mornings are normally about football training and chores.
But today the Selant family are revving up for a new experience.
' - Whoa! Go-karting! - Oh, yeah! (LAUGHS) - Do you know how to drive it? - You sit in there.
- You just sit in there, yeah.
- That's your power button.
Ohh! (LAUGHS) I love it! I want one! 'Our testers are trying out two electric-powered go-karts.
' - I think we're spoiling the kids' fun! - (LAUGHS) 'The first is the Razor Power Rider, a three-wheeler that can race at speeds of up to 9mph.
The second is the Crazy Cart, which can reach top speeds of 12mph.
- They're both aimed at kids.
' - Come on, then.
'And for people who refuse to grow up.
' - Whoo! - Have you done any handbrakes yet? - It'd be good in Asda.
- Oh, great.
- All the bottom shelf stuff.
- With your knees quite high up, it's perfect for a basket on top.
'The Selants have decided to pit them against each other in a race.
' Three, two, one, go! Xav was on the cart, Rian was on the bike.
Rian was getting mullered.
By the time he started, Xav was already halfway down the course.
Electric bike, that's for younger children, under the age of eight, I'd say.
- You preferred the go-kart? - Honestly, I'd buy two of them.
- Not even one, I'd buy two.
- He loved it.
- I loved it.
Awesome! - Ohh! Wait a sec.
- Agh! Oh, my God! 'None of the family members are being left out of testing.
- Everyone is giving it a go.
' - Go on, Rian.
(LAUGHS) That's not the way you do a press-up, I'm sorry.
- Oh.
- That's more like it.
- 'Even the Lloyds' dog Billy is getting involved.
Hello, Billy.
' - Billy! 'He's playing with a ball that makes ice cream without the need of a freezer.
' - This is gonna be great.
- Whoa! 'Simply add cream, sugar and vanilla essence in one end' - Make sure it's tight on.
- '.
.
ice and rock salt in the other' - It's going everywhere! - Mum's gonna love this.
'.
.
and play ball for 20 minutes.
Go on, Billy, go on! Go on!' - Oh.
- (LAUGHS) - Shake, shake, shake, shake, baby - Now we gonna loop-de-loop - Oooh! Shake it up, baby (BOTH LAUGH) - Oh, I've still got it! - (LAUGHS) - Excuse me! - Moment of truth.
- It's, erm - It's not made ice cream.
- Oh, that's a shame, isn't it? - Yeah.
Maybe we should've shook it for longer.
Ohh, yeah.
Now, that looks good.
I tell you what, that is nice.
- All the hassle is worth it, then.
- Yeah.
My hassle.
- Yeah.
It wasn't frozen enough, I don't think.
But what was there, the ice cream that we did get out of it was really nice-tasting ice cream.
- I know who did have fun making it -- Billy.
- Billy.
- Billy loved it.
- (DOG BARKS) - Oh, the temperature's bang on.
- Let's feel it.
- Oh, that's great.
Just cos we're in the garage, we've still gotta make an effort, that's what I say.
'After 24 hours, it's time to test the spa.
Well, for those who managed to get it up and running, that is.
' Ooh, I hope it's warm enough! Let's get in there! 'But was it worth the wait?' ALL: Ohhhhh! - (LAUGHS) - Tell you what we need.
- Bubbles! - We need bubbles! - Yes! - Yay! This is good! - We want bubbles! - ALL: Ohhh! - That's so brilliant! - Is it really? - Are you gonna buy me this for my birthday? - All right, then.
It looks really good.
- The best thing about the spa was getting in it! - It was just so much fun.
- I tell you what, there's not many people have a Jacuzzi in their garage.
- It's a first for the road.
I don't wanna get rid of this go-kart, I wanna keep it.
'After two days of tough testing, it's time to pack the products away.
But what did they actually think of this week's delivery?' ALL: I've got all my sisters with me - I would definitely buy the Singtrix.
- I would.
- I would definitely not buy it.
- (ALL LAUGH) It's an absolute nightmare to clean that.
- Did you clean it? - No.
- Cos it was a nightmare? I can't take it off.
- Do I need a six-pack? - The vest had a six-pack on it.
- It could have Mickey Mouse on it, - does that mean I'll look like Mickey Mouse? - You could certainly try.
- No.
You know what, if you look out that way, kids, don't look at any of that, look out, we could be anywhere.
'Next time, a vibrating machine that tries to shake you into shape.
' Oooh! How do you stop it? - 'A toaster that aims to leave a good impression.
' - It's me! Butter me up, son! - Look at him go! - 'And an electric unicycle that could change your daily commute.
'