Big Box Little Box (2015) s01e05 Episode Script

Episode 5

Over 20,000 new products are released in the UK every month.
We wanted one of them! - Can't be a car.
- It is a car! Flatulence filtering underwear.
(LAUGHS) But are they any good? To help us find out, homes across Britain are getting a special delivery.
Move it from here.
Over two days they'll be living with a truckload of the latest gadgets and gizmos - (LAUGHTER) - Does it look good? .
.
to find out if they really make life easier Oh, my God! .
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or if they're simply a waste of space.
- What?! - Shut up! That is just ridiculous.
Instructions -- get your wife to come out and do it! - You've missed this bit.
- Could you stop criticising please.
Wahoo! Awesome! (LAUGHS) Oh, this is brilliant.
Look, I'm getting goose-bumpy! - Oh, my gosh.
- An eye massager.
These look like out of Star Wars! This week, a pillow for power napping ALL: AAAARGH! .
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a robotic vacuum cleaner This is great.
I love this.
.
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and a family game gets messy.
(LAUGHTER) It's the first day of testing.
- Ah! - Oooh.
A robot! Oh! It's a vacuum cleaner.
Jane refused to marry Ford 52 years ago unless they owned a vacuum cleaner.
You could set that off outside in the utility room while you do the corners in here.
Or you, my love.
The Roomba iRobot vacuum uses space exploration technology and claims to do all the hard work for you.
All these new things are the same, pet.
You have to take your time.
It's no good thinking you get 'em, five minutes later they're gonna go.
You have to sort it out.
Yes, dear.
- It's gonna be not as easy -- - (ROOMBA BEEPS) You're pressing things, aren't you? - I did press it.
- Now look what you've done.
- Oh, it's going! (LAUGHS) - Any chance of stopping it? What if it bites me? Now what you done? Error.
Move Roomba to a new location then press 'Clean' to restart.
Clean.
I think I've got it already.
(CHUCKLES) I like that.
Cleaning robot! So you can put it on before you go out, and then when you come back -- - Oh, shut up! - .
.
it's done itself.
- You are joking.
Neville is not a fan of housework.
Really like the idea of this.
He's an engineer and likes mechanics and how things work.
Daughter Rebekah doesn't.
Really looks nice, you know? Don't you like it? - It looks like a CD player.
- It does, doesn't it? I really love the look of this.
I love things like this.
I enjoy doing this more than when it's actually going.
You're such a weirdo, seriously! You are one of these people who thinks if there is a robot invented, - like I, Robot, like that film - Yeah.
- .
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you'd actually love it, wouldn't you? - Yeah, I know.
It'd be great.
- You're mad.
- Just imagine them making a female one and all she does is clean.
Clean and wash.
- That is so - (LAUGHS) Clean and wash up! Seriously.
For somebody who has five daughters, Dad, that is shocking.
I know.
It's horrible, innit? (LAUGHS) Hello! I tell you what, that's really done underneath that settee.
Well, good thing.
Knows how to please the mistress, you see? Where is it now? Look, puss.
It'd have to have a name.
What do you reckon? Shall we call it Mandy? - We've had lots of nice Mandys.
- Yes.
Come on, Mandy.
Mandy! Give up.
The robotic vacuum has a docking station where it goes to charge itself.
A full charge lasts 90 minutes.
As soon as it touches something, it changes direction.
- Noisy though, innit? - It's brilliant! (LAUGHTER) Would you actually use this though? - I would probably.
- Wouldn't you get bored of it after a while? I tell you what it'll do, it'll do it itself, won't it? Only men would use this, literally.
That's for sure.
Yeah, because we've got more important things to do.
- Oh, like watch football? - Yeah.
You could have that in the background, - TV's on -- - It's well loud! Just turn the TV up, man.
Now, you know why we're doing this, don't you, Ford? Well, I'm still thinking about it, really.
Jane has devised a crafty test for the robotic vacuum.
We're gonna go out and see what happens when we come back.
- Yes? - Yes.
Are you with me, Ford? If that cleans all that up, we will give it ten out of ten.
You'd buy me one for my Christmas? Tell you what.
if it clears this up to my satisfaction - Oh, God.
- .
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I'll buy you one.
Now, what's this, Peggy? Come on, let's see, Pegs.
- Dog biscuits.
- I'm really intrigued by all of this.
I think we accept that it's soap that does loads of stuff.
- I'll just put it down.
- It's soap.
- It's like Christmas when you get a deodorant set, innit? - Yeah! - "Aw, thanks, Nan.
" - "Thank you.
Needed one of these.
" Early afternoon, and Joan has invited her friend Ingrid round to help her test the digital food dehydrator.
- So we've got banana - Mango.
.
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and we've got orange.
It slowly heats and dries food, which, it claims, preserves flavours and aromas so you can make healthy snacks at home.
Do you know where the best mangoes in the Caribbean come from? Yeah, Chocolate Hole where my mum lives.
No, do you KNOW where the best mangoes in the Caribbean come from? Absolutely! I'm telling you.
The best mangoes in the Caribbean come from Grenada.
You know that.
How comes I don't see Grenadian mangoes on sale? - We don't like to export them.
They're so precious.
- Is that why?! - Not because nobody can eat them? - No, it's cos they're so precious - we don't like to let them out of the country.
- Another tray, please.
Alex, Luke, Tom, and Lewis have been living together for 18 months.
- Ah, mate! - What's a hydrator? - Dehydrator.
- What's a dehydrator? What happens when you get dehydrated? - It dries things out, does it? - Yeah.
- Could you do meat? - We'll find out! The the food dehydrator doesn't just do fruit.
- Make beef jerky? - Yeah It's got fruit on the box, but I don't think - Not into all that fruit.
- Nope.
Lewis and Alex are very partial to some beef jerky.
With a pint.
That'll do.
That'll do.
That'll do! Just tell me when.
Cos I won't get bored of this.
- I'm happy now.
- You sure? - Yeah.
- Very particular, aren't you? - Yeah.
It's getting hot.
That is the ugliest looking pineapple I've ever seen in my life.
- Don't be cussing my peeling.
- Look! Oh, my gosh.
All right.
Never mind.
As long as it tastes good.
You set the required temperature and time and let the heat do its work.
- It looks lovely.
- Put your top on.
(LAUGHTER) In Suffolk, Ford and Jane have come home to check on Mandy.
They've been out for over an hour.
Wow! Wow.
- Now that is clean, pet.
- Wow! Wow.
- Impressed? - Wow.
Are we or are we not impressed, my man? - I think it's absolutely stunning, quite honestly.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, no - What are you gonna buy me for Christmas? Unfortunately, I bought a new vacuum cleaner just after Christmas.
Had I not done such a silly thing, I would most certainly have bought myself that one.
Yeah.
I agree.
In fact we might still buy it.
For Christmas, because it worked! It does, dear, and it means -- But that's got to be a house present, not just for me.
You have to buy other things for me.
No, you can't have everything.
Come on.
We've got a point to prove here.
Because I think this is something that I would use.
Wow.
This is a product for men.
It's just so much fun.
Much, much better than getting a normal vacuum cleaner - and, you know, and - And actually doing the work! Yeah.
Yeah.
It's better than doing that.
It's far quicker and easier to get a normal vacuum and do it yourself.
- Yeah.
- I think, Dad, you'd use it two or three times and then you'd still make Leah do it.
I do do it.
I do vacuum.
- Huh?! - What? Really?! I do vacuum.
I do vacuum.
In his head! If I say it enough times you'll believe me.
I do vacuum.
In Newark, it's time for the lads to see if their beefy snack is a success.
It's looking all right.
World-class.
It's done, yeah.
Yeah, it's brilliant.
Yeah.
Tastes like actual beef jerky as well.
- Yeah.
- Beautiful, that.
In south-east London - Hello, ladies.
- ALL: Hello.
.
.
Joan and Ingrid have taken the fruits of their labour to the over 60s club for a taste test.
Are we supposed to eat that dry, or do we? No, eat it, just eat it dry.
- What's this one? - That's mango.
- See, I like mango, but I like the juice! - The juice of the mango.
Yeah, you need the juice coming out of the mango.
- It's not doing it for me.
- No.
- It's not pressing my buttons.
- No.
Would this be the sort of food that you think the astronauts have - when they go up in space in the rockets? - Yeah.
I think so.
- I'm gonna Google it when I go home.
- I feel very sorry for them! - Well, it's dehydrated.
- That's why they're so thin! (LAUGHTER) When we took it round the club, what did the girls say? - Well, it was a resounding no, wasn't it? - No.
Didn't like it.
Buying that beautiful fruit and then taking the substance out of it.
Madness.
What are dried plums called? - Prunes.
- Prunes? (LAUGHS) We are clever.
Do we want any prunes, dear? That's what I'm saying.
Very good for when we get you know what.
Constipated.
Will it do other body parts? - (LAUGHS) - That nice? - Stop it! (ROOMBA BEEPS) Argh! No! Late afternoon on the first day of testing Ostrich pillow.
Well, the mind boggles on this one.
Cure my nightmares, dear.
I do like a nap.
I do like a nap in the afternoons.
So you can put your head in it, and also your hands.
So what do you think? You think it's for me? I think you'll like this very much.
Retired teachers John and Sue keep very busy.
But could the power nap head pillow revolutionise those afternoon naps? I can't even get it on! Think of it as a hat.
(LAUGHS) Thanks for all your support.
It claims to block out noise and light to create a private zone.
How do you feel? Do you really? Do you feel relaxed? Do you? Why? - I can breathe, right.
- Good.
Now, you put What do you do? You need to rest your head on the table, your forehead.
Let's see if I could sleep in this.
God, no.
I can't imagine why you would ever want to do that.
Really? Would you use it? Hello? Are you all right there? With this pillow, napping on the go has never been easier.
It claims.
- Oh, that feels lovely.
- Actually, it feels really nice.
- Mmmm.
- Do you know, like, when you're under a duvet? It feels a bit like you're under a duvet.
I quite like this.
Do you wanna have a go? Joan? I nodded off there! Quite honestly, Ford, if I saw you sitting in an aeroplane with that on I would be seriously frightened.
There was something we'd seen on television that looked like that.
Was it on Doctor Who, wasn't it? Somebody on Doctor Who.
- That's right.
- That's right.
- You're quite right.
- One of the monsters.
- That's right.
I can't see that we'd ever use it, and I can't see -- - Don't know anybody who would use it! - No.
No.
Nor would I.
Nor would I.
I thought it was absolutely beautifully made.
Everything about it was absolutely beautiful.
My first impression was it just looked like an elephant.
The big ears and the trunk thing.
I thought it really elephantine.
I have no idea what you're talking about when you say the trunk thing.
- You've got an elephant's head there.
- OK.
- That's what I thought.
- It didn't occur to me like that.
But anyway, whatever.
- Mmm.
Families across Britain are living with the latest gadgets and gizmos.
Ooh, I'm not sure.
But will they help with modern life - It didn't fall down the step.
- Unlike my bridge playing friends.
.
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or drive them to distraction? Dock.
Dock, Robbie Robot! You're messing about now.
Nah, I think this is flipping annoying, man.
(LAUGHTER) It's the second day of testing.
When we used to have the farm and we used to have the pigs it would get the pig muck out of your nails, wouldn't it, when you were doing the washing up? Remember that? No, darling, cos I didn't ever get pig muck in my nails.
Time to try out Dr Bronner's 18 in 1 Soap.
"Hemp.
Lavender.
Pure Castile soap.
Made with organic oils.
" "Three times more concentrated than traditional soaps.
" Oh, smells good.
"Face and body wash.
Household cleaner.
" - Good.
- "Washing dogs.
" "Clearing congestion.
Cleaning dishes.
Laundry.
Shaving gel.
" Why don't you shave your moustache? (LAUGHTER) Oh, nice one, Abi.
That's really helpful.
It claims to have 18 uses around the house.
Which ones will our families try? - I'm going to try some aromatherapy, I think.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, the vision of it! - Put a dash on there.
- There you go.
It's reportedly used by celebrities like Lady Gaga.
But what did our testers make of it? Gah.
No.
Ugh.
I'll tell you what it tastes like.
Sort of like Sambuca.
It tasted horrible, the soap.
It was horrible.
Hated it.
It cleaned the toilet really well.
- (LAUGHS) - You shouldn't be able to put - something that you clean the toilet in your mouth.
- Nah.
- That's what it says on the bottle.
- It's 18 in 1.
Yeah, doesn't mean it's right, does it? Move Roomba to a new location, then press 'Clean' to restart.
How sinister! This'll be like in 50 Shades Of Grey.
You don't know really what's happening.
It's supposed to be pleasurable, but it's not.
- You've turned that into something porny.
- (LAUGHS) - You have.
You have! It's an eye massage and you've turned it into porn.
No way.
I won.
My mangoes were so much better than yours.
- And you -- - That's why all of my mangoes are gone.
- OK, what about if we both won then, right? - Fine, we both won.
High five.
Can't believe you fell for that, but OK! Tea-time on the final day of testing.
I was thinking of doing some onion soup for my supper.
- OK.
- You're welcome to some, but only if you help me with the chopping.
Fine.
Yeah, fine.
Time to try out Onion Goggles! - "Tear free".
- Yes.
"Chopping, mincing, dicing, slicing.
" OK.
Not that they do the chopping, mincing, dicing, slicing.
- That's a pity.
- We have to still do that bit.
I do hate peeling onions.
And they do make me cry.
And then my eyes get sticky and red and not very good at all.
To the extent that actually mostly I peel onions to save you from doing it.
- I can smell the onions.
- Good.
And I can feel them slightly at the back of my throat.
But I can't feel I'm crying.
I'm sealed in.
You look like you should be at a disco.
Or getting ready to go out somewhere.
You know, like will.
i.
am - Sorry, what kind of discos do you go to? - (LAUGHTER) Strong, strong onions.
- Are your eyes watering yet? - Yeah.
I'm getting burning.
I can smell them, but it's not affecting my eyes at all.
Normally, if I can smell them like that, my eyes would be watering.
My eyes are actually burning now.
No, mine are fine.
- How you doing? - They work.
They really work.
There.
What are we having for supper? There were no sign of tears.
I could chop onions away happily for an hour or two.
Well, not happily.
I will be most certainly buying a pair of Onion Goggles for John, so that he can take his turn chopping onions for, he reckons, about an hour and a half.
So that's great! Yeah.
(LAUGHS) - I'd probably buy Onion Goggles.
- Oh, my gosh, would you?! - Yeah, I probably would.
- Or you just use dried onion.
No, I don't mind chopping onions.
If I've got my goggles.
- That's not a problem.
- No, it's a no from me.
And it's a yes from me.
You look like a Ninjan Turtle, I think that's the word.
Is it a Li-Ninjan? Is it Ninjan? I wonder if you can get them in different colours.
I don't know whether green's the best colour for you.
- (DOORBELL) - Leave the! You can't keep ringing the doorbell.
It's just creating mayhem.
ALL: AAAARGH! (BLEEP!) Keep your eyes on the road, boys! It's the end of the last day of testing, and time for their final product this week.
- I saw this! - Yeah! (LAUGHTER) Need to take your glasses off otherwise they get on your glasses! Good thinking, Annabelle.
Good thinking.
It's Pie Face.
Oh, yes.
A video of this family game recently went viral.
- Stop it.
- I'm gonna do it.
- What are you fighting over?! I told you already, I'm doing the cream.
- No, you didn't.
- You're like children! But what will our testers think of it? - So we're gonna spin the wheel of fortune - (LAUGHTER) .
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and if it lands on five you gotta twist the yellow bit five times.
And if you don't get a pie in your face, the last person without pie on their face wins, yeah? - So everyone's gonna get pie in their face except one person? - Yes.
Ooh.
Ooh! - Aww.
- (LAUGHTER) One.
Two - Are we sure this isn't broken? - (SHRIEKING) (LAUGHTER) Oh.
Oh! It's so tense! Five.
(LAUGHTER) (ALL GROAN) You want me to do it? - One - Watch Grandpa.
- (LAUGHS) Well done! - It's all on your face! (LAUGHS) It's not even on my face! Wahey! It's only me and you then, my love.
May the best person win.
(LAUGHTER) ALL: One.
(LAUGHTER) Dad's the winner! Woo! Champion! It's not everyone's idea of fun.
Always good to win.
Always good to beat these girls, anyway.
(LAUGHTER) With testing at an end, what's the final verdict on this week's delivery? Of all the products this week, what would you buy, Leah? Why are you lot even thinking? Wouldn't it be the board game? Oh, yeah! I mean, duh! 18 in one soap, Lewis? What did it taste like? - Soap! - You could kill ants with it couldn't you, as well? - Yeah.
I didn't know it killed ants.
- Did you read that before I put it in my mouth? - Yes.
Well, thank you, boys.
The Roomba iRobot.
What a fantastic piece of kit.
But I thought it was a bit of a naughty child.
- Well, it does do its own thing.
- Yeah.
- But it does a good job.
- You wouldn't believe what dust and dirt it picks up.
- Fair enough.
It's a fantastic product.
You could get a robot cook.
You could get a robot housewife.
You could get even a robot wife.
Cheers! I don't say they'd be any good.
But you could.
Pretend you're hop! Time, exercise boots to bounce you to healthy heights (SHRIEKS) .
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a facemask that leaves a foul impression - Actually does look like bird poo.
- (LAUGHS) .
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and will the robotic massager hit the right spot, hmm? - (LAUGHS) - Thanks for that! - Sorry.