Billions (2016) s05e02 Episode Script

The Chris Rock Test

1 Previously on "Billions" You've come far and learned much.
Until we see each other and move your knowledge into the world, be well.
An invitation for you to do a Vanity Fair cover photo shoot for the "New Decas" issue.
Somebody else will probably get the cover.
Probably Mike Prince.
I was hoping you'd make it to 'The Mike' this year.
You and I could do a fireside chat.
It'd be the highlight of the conference.
Maybe this year we will.
Try to take me out in some magazine? I'll come see you on your home fucking turf.
The separation has convinced me.
We need to be done.
I am not here because you forced me to be.
Or because Chuck did.
I am here as Chuck's operative because he wants to get you.
That crypto mine that you busted upstate, I'd appreciate it if you'd drop the case.
Best I can do is make it a civil and not a criminal action.
An act of friendship that goes beyond the norm.
Security, security seaplane departing dock at 23rd Street.
Well, this works a little differently than normal therapy.
I work a little differently than normal.
I'm not gonna challenge or even explore that statement.
You know why? Because this works a little differently than normal therapy.
The mission here is to dim - the emotional response to past trauma.
- Mm-hmm.
Let's choose some people to use as resources.
So, you're gonna need a comforter, a protector, and a wise person.
They can be alive or dead, real or fictional.
Old days, Wendy filled all these roles.
These aren't those.
No, yeah, hundred percent, true, okay.
Uh For my comforter, I'm going with Ira Schirmer.
My best friend.
For my protector, Alan Alda.
Oh, that's a good one.
I use Tony Siragusa.
Big and kind.
I get it, yeah.
Um, for wisdom I am a voracious reader of crime fiction.
And recently Darkly Dreaming Dexter has found its way to my night table.
So for a wise person, a serial killer? We may need to schedule more sessions.
Not him, his father, of sorts, Harry He had all the answers.
A father figure.
And finally, uh, a safe space.
A place where you Yale Law Library.
Describe a recent moment where you felt betrayed.
Drop a plumb line down through your memory.
Where does it catch? What, uh, image or idea do you associate this betrayal with? 9/11.
Traumatic day for sure.
Yes, but, uh, not the day, uh, the monument.
He Axelrod was being arrested, and she was there.
She your wife? Wendy.
Uh I knew she would be there.
But, uh The way they clung to each other What's the emotion associated with that image? Rage.
And, uh sadness.
Where do you feel that in your body? Everywhere.
What negative self-belief does that bring up? That Axe is a criminal.
And once again, that's a negative belief about the man you call Axe, not you.
Well, once I vanquish him, uh, then I'll be able to focus on Rhoades.
If you do the 'you' part, you may find the 'him' part doesn't matter so much.
I know that should be right.
But it just doesn't feel right.
Here, take the dampers.
Follow this light with your eyes.
When you experience traumatic feelings, focus on the resources in your safe space.
Conjure them.
Trust them.
We practiced this all week.
Follow the light with your eyes and be with them.
Especially if you think about the monument site or either of the people you saw there.
There's not a person who meets you, doesn't think you're special.
Even the bad guys.
Maybe especially the bad guys.
You have that thing, gets people to come to you.
To open up even if they know they shouldn't.
Now, your portfolio is impressive.
But I think it could be more impressive.
Extend far past the isle of Manhattan.
I see that for you.
I want to make it happen.
Plantains, boiled and mashed.
They call it mangú.
Fills you up for a day in the fields.
I should feed it to my guys.
The story goes that American soldiers down in the DR were offered it and they refused it.
Until one brave and probably very hungry infantryman went in.
And he liked it so damn much he said: "Man, that's good.
" Got shortened to mangú.
Nifty story.
Problem is, it's bullshit.
Doesn't hold up under scrutiny.
And neither does your offer.
Why do I get more? Because someone else gets less.
That I believe.
Offer me nice things, I'll take 'em because I like nice things.
But they buy you no latitude.
You step wrong and you'll have me after you and you'll find I'm a lot harder to olé than the other guy, because I care about the crime and not the criminal.
Hey, good.
Keep your eye on the sparrow, ya know? All right.
I got my part done.
She's gonna burrow up his ass like a toilet snake.
And I have our info.
It's confirmed: Simon Shenk is leaving Errix Biotech for the FDA.
And he's set for the conference.
So is Jules Hakli, Ameri-Hospitals.
The whole pharma team.
Mike Prince may think he's got home field advantage.
But these road dogs are gonna play spoiler.
Got your flannels? In the car.
Uh, hey, it's me.
File the order Yes.
I know it's a warring gesture.
I'm a man at war.
File it.
These windows, no shades.
Let the whole city watch you do your wild thing.
Remind me not to have you and Bill over after I move in.
Oh, that would be safe these days His book's flatlined.
So He can't perform unless his portfolio does? No.
I can't get it up to fuck a non-earner.
Oh - Go deeper.
- That's what I said.
Bill's been swinging from "Fuck it, I'll do it live" to choking back tears like he's listening to "Goodnight Saigon.
" I'm worried about him.
And I don't even like to think about anybody but myself.
It might help if you let him know his entire worth isn't wrapped up in his P&L's performance.
So lie to him? You want me to lie to him? I can do that.
I'm sorry we've hit a snag.
Your bank just withdrew your pre-approval.
It seems your husband got an automatic temporary restraining order on your assets.
He froze your fucking loot? I guess it's war.
I'm sorry.
I'll, uh, get right into it.
You know the shot? No.
Just told to be here.
That's usually not a very good sign.
Ah, Chuck.
The Manhattan D.
I always forget, are you Law or Order? You also have some cases to brief the governor on? No.
Those crypto-miners damn near decimated that town.
City council had to go to the market and buy electricity ten times the normal rates.
Fucking libraries are closed because of it.
We should be having mug shots, perp walks, prison sentences.
And instead, you handed out a speeding ticket.
We did the best we could.
You know what? I believe that.
Which is why Gramm gets it from here on out.
You think you're yanking crypto from my purview? Was I being obtuse? Where does a man measure from? The base.
That's where we're yanking from.
All criminal referrals from this office will now flow to her.
Lock, stock, kit, and caboodle.
You see, because, unlike you, Chuck, she is not terrycloth soft on big business.
The people of New York State elected me because they believed in my judgment They elected you so they could feel good about their sex lives and think of themselves as liberal and fair.
The people of Manhattan, however, elected me to punish predators.
Not slug shots of Dubonnet with them.
You sip Dubonnet I have no fucking idea.
That you do is the nub of the problem.
Interface with her office, see if there's any other cases she wants.
Axelrod's behind this move.
Know how I know? Tattaglia's a pimp? Could never orchestrate - something like this? - Exactly.
And a move like this really awakens my Dark Passenger - You've been reading Dexter again.
- Indeed I have.
Thinking about dismemberment instead of prosecution? Well, in a way.
Dexter Morgan's Dark Passenger could only be sated by the brutal act of taking life.
But, in order to make something decent of this innate drive, he developed a code.
A way that he could kill, but for the 'right' reasons.
I will do the same.
I will loose my urges for dominion and victory only in the name of justice and in accordance with it.
You really are serious about making a change.
That raises the degree of difficulty.
But I am committed to this course.
To purge the world of villainy.
And myself of I guess villainy, too.
So if you want to help yourself and help this office, you will find a way to get on board with this code.
And to keep me held to it, as Dexter's father did him.
I haven't been having much fun lately, you know? But I will enjoy using this guy to get what I want, and at his own fucking party.
Because he can fly? Because he thinks he can fly above me.
He'll learn it's best to keep his feet on the ground while trying to trade body blows with the Theogenes of Wall Street.
- Whoa.
Easy, Wags.
- Sorry.
Must be all the high-mindedness in this mountain air.
The battle you're talking about is you and Prince at the Fireside Chat? Yes.
But that'll be one for the crowd.
Prince has gone deep on psycho-ceuticals.
And we're about to go deeper.
Your trip up north.
Mm, yeah.
Wasn't just for kicks.
We got a shaman who opened us up to the power of ayahuasca at just the right moment.
Along with universal truths, we saw a market.
We were late to psilocybin.
Won't happen with pharma-huasca.
And there's the man that can secure it.
Simon Shenk from Errix.
Soon to be of the FDA.
He'll need to divest.
And you'll be there to assume his shares.
Like Ed Kemper inhabited his victims' souls.
For a drug like medical ayahuasca you'll need to establish hospital-based trials, - to help mainstream it.
- Mm.
Come on! So, we all have our missions.
Sure you can handle the emotional component of yours? I am the one of us who can handle emotions, yes.
There he is.
Welcome to 'The Mike.
' How lucky are we, to be here, to do this, together? I love knowing that in 24 hours, I'm gonna be smarter and better than I am right now.
Because of you all.
Welcome, Axe.
Thanks for being here.
Hey, thanks for finally having me.
You don't need to make me look good.
This is the first time you accepted.
Let's kick some butt together.
Yeah! All right.
You got yourself a secret golden tunnel.
- I want on the trip.
- Who are you again? You're running your own money.
As hedge fund violations go, that's like shouting the N word not illegal, but enough to get you fired.
I would never do that.
And I am not running my own You left the separate account up on your screen when you went to the bathroom to jerk off.
I go to the bathroom to go to the bathroom.
Bottle of Jergens peeking out of your pocket says different.
But, hey, that's your business.
My business is getting in on your extracurricular.
I know you've got a 3 Sharpe ratio strategy.
It's 3.
64 actually, but only to six figures.
Any bigger than that and it won't work we get stuck in the tube like Augustus Gloop.
What the fuck? Figure out how to get it big enough to cut me in, or I'll cut you.
Like with a knife? Are you threatening to No.
But I'll flip ya.
I'll flip ya for real.
Chuck can't actually have veto power over what I buy.
If a judge were going by the book, you'd be allowed to buy ten apartments.
You can easily afford that out of your share of the marital assets.
But the thing is Chuck knows a lot of judges.
Outcome is unpredictable.
So I could lose the apartment? Given the timeline to get to court you've already lost the apartment.
He did this because I put out that statement Which I did because he was too busy hanging from the ceiling to do it himself.
And he did because you did because his parents and your parents because America because England because ancient Rome because primordial ooze.
I appreciate your bedside, Orrin.
Yes, Chuck would behave better if he felt better.
But that's not my responsibility anymore.
Probably never was.
I need to make myself feel better.
So, we go to court.
We have a situation Ali Kashkhokh.
Allocator for Ontario Educators.
I wish we'd known you were coming.
Bobby isn't here right now.
And neither are Wagner or Taylor Mason, right? Ah, you knew that.
Peach, make her comfortable.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Ali Kashkhokh is hardcore What she is is a total fuckin Wags.
We have a billion plus of her union's dollars.
And she's a bellwether for the industry.
If she approves or disapproves, people listen.
What I was gonna say.
We can be back in an hour.
Nah, it's just a spot-check.
She's hoping to avoid us, so she can poke around for the second set of Untouchables books.
And you rushing back will make you look like Al Capone.
But we don't actually have anything to hide, right? - Of course not.
- Don't be ridiculous.
Thought not.
Losing Ontario Educators would be bad though - Pants-shit bad.
- I get it.
Lemme go.
She's already hammering away at the weak spots The market's like a fragile bridge.
We don't know exactly when, but eventually it will collapse And all the cars on it will tumble into the ocean.
Many drivers will drown.
The cars in this metaphor are the investments, the drivers are the investors, like you, and Sorry.
I can't have you pulling people off their desks during trading hours.
It's not good for the fine educators of Ontario or any of our other investors.
Yeah, sure.
But me hearing their answers is.
Why don't I get you to IR, have them curate a tour, answer any further questions.
Well, I was nominated for their Second Circuit.
That's why I sent you that box of embargoed smokes.
May be premature.
There's a certain senator in possession of information that could sink my battleship.
What information? - Which senator? - Well, you know her well.
She put your name forward for the U.
Attorney's job.
Marcia Vandeveer.
Old pal of my father's.
A fact which suggests we may be able to just roll her away like a stone from your tomb.
You didn't answer the other part.
The senator has become aware that when I was at DOJ I co-authored a memorandum endorsing a then-novel reading of a subclause of the Geneva Convention.
The torture memo? You wrote the fucking torture memo? I wrote a memo.
On a fine point of legal it wasn't the "T" word.
It was "enhanced interrogation.
" A vital tool in intelligence gathering.
You're welcome by the way for the very blanket of freedom Thank you.
And how the hell am I supposed to explain that to the senator? I would simply like to defend myself publicly.
Face the shame head on.
Turn it into pride.
As I did.
Well, I was hoping with your help we might shift the Overton Window once more.
But my thing was a harmless The waterboarding wasn't really as bad as the media made it out.
Aah! It's torture! I may have been wrong on this one You're damn fucking right it's torture! And if even I don't like it Believe me, that was the sport version.
You should see how I roll on covert hostile actors Rolled.
Not anymore.
In fact.
Not ever.
Don't even know why I said that.
You're not a military man.
That's the way we go.
Uh, you trusted the generals.
Who would have done otherwise? Me.
No, I would not have endorsed that shit.
No doubt.
But I'm building my case for Senator Vandeveer.
To get her to forget his scribblings and see him for the man he is.
Chuck, you want to think the best of me.
Well, everyone does.
I'll get rid of this.
Don't know where I dug it up in the first place.
- No, double no, fuck no - It's your job.
We sent you on the road to learn investor relations.
Only to find I sucked at it.
Why? Too fucking abrasive.
While Bonnie may have proven herself something of a hothouse flower, I have the rugged areole of a desert succulent.
And an almost pornographic knowledge of all things Axe Capitale.
I need you to gentle down an investor.
She's a beast.
You are the best choice for the job.
It's what you do.
Well, it's what she does for Mase Cap, not Axe Cap.
Last I checked, this all falls under Axe Cap.
Last I checked, we still had some sovereignty.
You can't just conscript our officers.
If you want to borrow Lauren, you should talk to Taylor first.
- Have you? - Didn't have time.
Did you have time to talk to Axe? There is a chain of command.
You're in violation.
This is where you want to make a stand? Here, now, over this? Every encroachment needs to be called out and dealt with.
Look, I am willing to meet with this allocator if that's going to be helpful Where should I tell her you're taking her tonight? Given the moves she's already pulled, she doesn't want the wine-and-dine or the shot-and-grind.
Tomorrow, first thing in the office.
After I have Union Square Cafe ferry over some very special room service to her hotel.
Each year's Mike finds us here in front of the fire, tackling a big topic.
This year's: Is it time for a new capitalism? We can keep it short: No! And who better to chop it up with than Bobby Axelrod? Seriously, Bobby, isn't it incumbent upon us those who've 'won' by any metric to acknowledge that we didn't do it alone, and to Yeah, no, I-I-I know what you say about learning and giving back and all the rest.
And I believe it's what you tell yourself.
But if we look at it, we see that it's not the whole truth.
Is it? I guess not, Axe.
Tell us what is.
You want me to reduce it to one thing? I can.
It's about being picked.
Being singled out.
Every one of us has already been singled out.
And this confers it, officially.
Like Davos.
Or the Allen conference.
You're either in Sun Valley or you don't exist.
But what goes on there, or here, doesn't matter beyond that, at all.
It's not about the conversation.
It's about the invitation.
This gives me remarkable insight into how you think about trades.
It's all bottom line.
But what if some of us aren't like that? Been known to throw an elbow or two when you need to, Mike.
When I compete I'm there to win.
But I choose my playing field carefully now.
And always against opponents the same size as me.
And no one's making money while they're here.
See, that's another canard.
Every single person in this room earns money while they sleep.
While they dream.
While they fuck.
I can honestly say I haven't accepted payment for that particular act in years.
Look, you want to leave here feeling better about yourself than when you came.
That's it.
Isn't that the benefit of helping others, the selfish part of giving back? Why is that something to be ashamed of? It's not.
But still: not the whole thing.
Your man's getting boxed in.
No such box.
Just you watch, Scoot.
What do you think I get out of this? It can't be status conferred, since I do the inviting.
For you? Respite from guilt.
That's your whole platform, isn't it.
From he who has too much to she who has too little.
It's your basketball story, your history.
You talk about how it wasn't your own achievement.
Not only my own.
My town, in Indiana, had the third largest high school arena yes, arena in the country.
I was fortunate to be a standout a star.
When we had a big game coming up, families would paint their picket fences green and white, my school colors.
And if I'd jog past, everyone would come out of their houses and cheer for me.
I can still hear the roar of it in my head: haaaaaaa And what you take from that is that you stood on their shoulders.
That they lifted you up to your success.
You were nothing special.
That's right.
I was supported.
It's important for all of us to remember that.
It's what separates us from demagogues and other monsters.
No sale.
I don't like everyone in this room.
But I do respect everyone in this room.
Because I know each and every one of you has a portfolio of accomplishments that sets you apart, proves your exceptional qualities.
And I assume that goes for you, too.
Well, unlike you, I'm not embarrassed to say it.
As I'd expect.
Because I know your story as much as you know mine.
How you came from nothing.
Yeah, it's true.
Your dad was an insurance salesman.
You ate dinner with him every night.
My dad was gonzo.
I ate dinner wherever I could.
And yet you were still in the wealthiest state in the wealthiest country in the world.
With access to the best healthcare, schools, infrastructure.
And you were born white and male at a time that was a huge advantage in the greatest capital market in the history of mankind.
The roads were paved for you, Bobby.
Which is why you were able to move so quickly across them.
I knew you were wracked with guilt, but this takes it to a whole different level.
The roads were paved.
But I didn't even have a goddamned car.
Now, you see, this is where we are different.
I don't pretend I'm an ordinary guy got lucky.
I am a monster.
A carnivorous fucking monster.
It was success or oblivion for me just as it was for you, whether you want to admit it here or not.
See, that's what all this is for you.
A way to forget you are that monster.
You have to be one.
Or you could never have gotten here in the first place.
See? Don't bring that weak shit our way.
Not over yet.
Maybe you're right But I must be one of the cuddly kind from Monsters, Inc.
Because tomorrow I'll be out loading pallets for the "Shake the Quake" relief mission for earthquake victims in Honduras.
First we organize the supplies, then we air drop 'em next weekend.
We're not just writing checks here.
Care to join me and see if giving back with your own two hands changes your mind? Whoops! Trap door.
Uh, I was planning on leaving, but, um Sure.
Why not, Mike? Count me in.
Thank you.
That genius really thinks he trapped you into joining him.
No idea it's what you wanted.
You think they'll be putting their backs into it tomorrow? The bankers? Stevens and Callahan and them? Would you put your back into anything if you were them? Their banks have 80 billion on their balance sheet between 'em.
So I seriously doubt it.
That's right.
Callahan's got a contract for life.
Driscoll's got it even better his name's on his bank.
- Father's name.
- Well, like I said Their racket's as old as J.
Morgan's and Charles Merrill's themselves.
We both got evening plans ahead.
The world's changed over the past year, cap'n.
To be safe, we institute a four-part protocol.
To prevent misunderstandings.
You send a text after: "Hey, what a great night!" She'll respond in kind.
You send a gift the next morning, leave her smiling.
You make secondary plans even if you have no intention of keeping them.
And when you don't keep them Who do you think you're talking to? I'm a gentleman.
Fucking right you are.
If I send you a text after, it's a real text.
Text, don't text.
It's not that I've been ducking your calls, it's just that I've been Ducking my calls.
I have.
I feel like you're going to pull your money.
Are you going to pull your money? I don't want to talk shop while I'm up here It's a financial conference.
So that's why you're here, to keep my money on board? Yes.
It's been four months since I moved under Axe's roof.
And we haven't had a single call during that time about business or anything else.
I wanted to see you.
And here you are.
Like King Kong in chains.
Not easy to get used to.
You know, it took me a long time to get my balance back after you ended our thing.
I'm glad you were able to.
So, the money So, indeed Checkmate.
Good game.
Particularly quick, Hikaru.
Where are we at? Will the senator see me? She will.
Problem is: I'm not sure I should walk you into it.
Why not? Well, you did the thing.
A youthful indiscretion.
Born out of loyalty, and commitment, and the ability to craft sound arguments on any side of an issue.
It's also not the kind I'd make again.
So people can change? That's what you're saying.
You've changed? You're no longer law school DeGiulio, or Deputy AG DeGiulio.
You're truly Judge DeGiulio.
Ah, this isn't about me.
You aren't really interested in if I can change.
Or man can change.
You want to figure out if you can.
It's being put to the test.
I am changing.
It's happening in front of your eyes.
Well, that's gonna be useful to you, stating it with authority.
Look, you've done the impossible before.
Why not now? Well, after a certain age it gets harder.
Or maybe undoable.
Or so incremental as to have no impact.
Well, I prefer to think of it as evolving.
You want to know if I would have written the memo when I was younger or older? I'm more concerned with taking the lessons of it forward.
That's why I want to be on the Supreme Court.
So that the accumulation of all that I know can benefit Bullshit.
I do believe I have more capacity.
For good, for ill, for anything.
The truth is I just really want it.
I want to feel the power of the seat make me more.
What's your driver? I, uh, let certain of my quests drag me into the wastelands.
And it cost me every it cost me too much.
I may still need to do these kinds of things, but I also need to serve the best of me at the same time.
You and Axelrod.
It started as justice, then became something that wasn't, but - Mm-hmm.
- it still can be again.
And I can help you, Chuck.
I want to.
If I'm in a position to.
You can indeed craft an argument.
We'll keep our appointment with the senator.
And put all this to the test.
Maybe now's a good time for our one-on-one.
Mandatory inspection.
Like I'm back in the service.
- Don't like to think of it that way.
- Why not? When I was in the Navy, at least I knew what my purpose was.
Now I don't have a clue.
What the fuck do I do here, Wendy? My whole career I've run operations logistics, combat, organization.
I tried to live my life by Jim Baker's words: "You can either focus on the 'Chief' or the 'of Staff.
'" "Those who have focused on the 'of Staff' have done pretty well.
" But if Mase Cap is no longer an operation, what do I do here? Are you asking me to define that as Human Resources or as a performance coach? You have two fucking jobs.
I have zero.
Definitely need the performance coach.
And I can help you.
I can help you get into Olympian form but towards what aim, what discipline, is a fair question.
And you need to be asking Taylor.
So why aren't you? Bury me with my guns on I confronted my ego and let go of it.
Seems intact again.
You come back to yourself.
It's one experience, not therapeutic dosing.
But Bram Longriver really opened our eyes to the potential.
You spent time with Bram? He was our personal guide and shaman.
Longriver carries kind of a mystical weight in the Valley.
We have that mystique behind us.
Along with the full force of his evangelical power.
Gives us instant credibility with the therapists who are using the synthetic ayahuasca as part of their treatment that is, as soon as you make it legally available in the U.
So you know I'm headed to the FDA.
We have real intel.
And I have worked to make sure no one finds out until it's done preserving the value of your position.
Let's talk about us buying your shares in Errix Hi.
Now turn your attention to the main stage and put your hands together for Brandi She's my cherry pie Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise Tastes so good, make a grown man cry Sweet Cherry Pie Did you close Shenk? It was a late night.
Conversations were had.
You didn't close him? The fuck? Unexpected circumstances.
What, you get distracted by a stripper? Not in the way you mean Well, what happened, then? Get robbed again, roofied? I failed the Chris Rock test.
Her stage name was Brandi, but but it was really Mandy.
My Mandy.
My sweet little Mandy.
Your I didn't keep my daughter off the pole.
Want me to shut the place down? No, it's okay.
I got I got her out of there.
I s-shipped her off to a facility.
I think I'll have it shut down anyway.
Thank you.
- And Shenk? - I'll close today.
Oscar wants out? He wouldn't even engage.
Ivy, would you draft some of your colleagues to help put my people back together, please? I'll do it myself.
Fuckin' bankers.
Didn't intend to spend an extra day in New York.
Hope you enjoyed your accommodations and the dinner.
Food doesn't travel well.
Let's get to it.
Let's start with the current portfolio You have a cache of emerging market bonds that I'm particularly proud of.
Where are the marks? How are you valuing that? You saw the 13F That's 45 days stale.
What do I own now? How do I know there's not a Mississippi-sized delta? We could show you that if you want plain vanilla, 60-40 for retirement.
But if you wanted that, you wouldn't be here.
We had your aggression index at a 6.
Do you really break things down that way? Not on the external documents But based on your goals, the investments you made and the investments you left behind to come to us we figured that was your sweet spot.
What if we could take a little more danger? People talk about quant fundamentals, human overlay.
I overlay like you wouldn't believe.
See, there are certain risks that are not risky to you, they're not risky to Axe Cap.
Personally risky to me? I don't think that way.
I just think if you're not making 15 percent every year, then my father was right about me.
What did he say? He blamed himself for not punching my mother hard enough to kill me the night she told him she was That's plenty right there.
Guys like that revvin' up your engine, metal under tension my job is to keep you off the highway to the danger zone.
And how do you do that? I know my SEC like Bear Bryant knew his.
That was a kick in the heinie.
You wanted the unvarnished look.
And we do have the numbers to back up Truth is, I don't care what these people all said just that they didn't wilt or crack.
In many founder-named shops, the whole place collapses if the founder isn't in their face 24/7.
That clearly is not the case here.
The numbers do speak for themselves.
And thank you for that dinner The gnocchi was firm and tasty and the halibut sublime.
Thought it didn't travel? We all have our roles to play.
Mine here was hard-ass.
But you played yours to perfection.
Senator, I understand you have concerns.
Now let's address them where they can be spoken to most fully and frankly right here and now.
Behind doors which are closed.
I have just one question and I can ask it anywhere.
Judge, did you write that memo? This memo? I did, Senator.
Then that, as they say, is the ballgame.
The other side protects its own no matter the sin.
If I do the same, I would be the same.
I must hold Judge DeGiulio to the same standards I keep for myself.
And they are as high as a midnight showing of Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke.
Had I suffered such a regrettable lapse, I would withdraw my name and I would kiss my career and my sweet ass goodbye.
I think that time I got waterboarded.
"Never let your head hang down.
"Never give up and sit down and grieve.
Find another way.
" - Your dad? - Close.
The fuck is the other way, the next move? I don't know yet.
But I will reach out when I do.
I would have done exactly the same as you.
Well, I'm glad you didn't try to change my mind.
So you'll keep the memo buried? I will as long as he doesn't go for a lifetime post.
He's still destined for great things, though.
What do you have in mind? - Hey, Eddie.
- Keep it up.
Thanks a lot.
Gonna take care of all these yourself? Getting a workout too, huh? All right, bring it in.
Gotta lift with your legs.
That's what they say.
Thanks for the help.
Well, you can return the favor: Host Stage Three pharma-huasca trials at your medical center.
We're not a university hospital.
Well, that's why we need you.
Bram Longriver says: "We're in a race between catastrophe and consciousness.
" You have Longriver? If we're gonna win, we need much wider testing.
Is the Axelrod Foundation willing to back that race? I can make a call.
Then make that call.
- Great.
Thanks for everything.
- I'll circle back.
You Michael Johnson-ed right over to Jules Hakli.
The hospital CEO.
Always wanted to shake his hand.
Uh huh.
And now you're back hard at it.
You know, you and I should share a beer at the closing dinner.
We always have an amazing presentation.
I'll try to make it.
Not gonna let me sort in peace, huh? Oscar, I was bleeding out.
I couldn't just shut my firm.
If I did, I could never re-open, or raise again.
It was a way to preserve the name.
To continue.
It's the answer to the one question you didn't ask but should have: Would I do absolutely anything to survive? The answer is yes.
That's why you should leave your money with me.
Last year, Axe Cap showed returns of 17 percent while growing by 22 percent.
I was shrinking, dying.
So you gained all the benefits of bankruptcy indemnification, restructuring, wound-licking without actually declaring.
And you're going to tell me that you're going to be better.
- Already are better - Yes.
Since I've been there we're up 7.
2 percent you're up.
The difference between blitz and regular chess? In the traditional game, when it's the other person's turn, you consider what you might do next.
You let your mind wander, meditate, be open.
With fast chess, you've anticipated their move and your response before they've made it.
Which game have we been playing? I don't want to have my money with Bobby Axelrod, I don't want to be associated with him.
And if you are, I don't want to be associated with you.
And you knew that before I opened my mouth I-I-I hope when we meet again it's not as competitors.
If you go back out on your own, give me a call.
Oscar, you shouldn't have made that rook sacrifice at move 37.
That's why you lost.
Well, you slipped away last night.
Personal business.
I'll bet.
I've seen a guy take a girl straight to the Champagne Room but never straight out of the club.
At least not outside Thailand.
What type of bar fine she run you? Wasn't like that.
Just had to have a little chat.
I guess there's no such thing as too young when they're firm as a genetically modified plumcot.
Axelrod and I know Errix is a family business.
So we'll pay market for your shares, but we have to work together to keep the stock price high for your relatives.
Sell to us and do your share with approvals once you're at the FDA, and we're all sitting pretty in Schaefer city.
Ah, yes, that sounds fun.
But it's Longriver I'm interested in.
His reach makes markets and makes this deal.
Then you're talking to the right guy, 'cause we got him.
Bobby, I'm gonna need to stay in the apartment a little longer.
- Is that - Yeah, more than okay.
You know I never use it.
Thank you.
I'm sure I'll Thought you found a place you loved? Uh the deal got "Chucked.
" Ah, you could've called me in.
Why didn't you call me in? I thought I could sort it quickly.
But it's going to take a minute.
The man's a delight.
You know? Look, I can buy the place for you.
Pay me back as soon as It's gone.
Thank you, but it's gone.
All right.
Well, stay as long as you need then.
Hey, one more thing.
Yeah? Gut him.
That's the plan.
A ten percent loss? You took my scrilla down ten fucking percent? I tried to warn you.
The algo Your added investment forced it to make suboptimal trades.
Why is your brilliant machine fucking retarded?! Bill, what you want won't work.
- Like fuck it won't - This shit is a nerdy new world.
I had to have it put into terms I understand.
So let me translate for you: A man can manage two wives.
But you try to keep four wives going, you can't keep everyone satisfied.
Too many variables, not enough Bill.
The whole thing crumbles.
I needed this.
You are a useless fucking bunch.
Give him back his money.
Investor beware.
But you didn't actually invest his shit and risk fucking up your side stash.
I'm keeping it as an asshole tax.
Return it as an asshole tribute.
You know, I was almost back at my desk when it hit me.
So I may not be able to crawl ass-to-mouth through your algorithmic centipede, but the one thing that has kept me in my chair all these years, WINNING, is that I know a liar when I smell one.
Your trading thing might not work with the added capital, but when I look in your eyes, I do not see someone who has lost money.
I see someone who's trying to steal from me.
So by the time I actually get back to my desk, my money better be there, or this time I will cut you.
This is the thank you.
The way you conducted yourself and everyone else it was the full Dudamel.
I want you to take over IR for all of Axe Cap.
- Formally.
- I have a job.
You still have it.
This job is better.
More responsibility, access.
More money, in case that matters.
When doesn't it matter? When you're being untruthful with yourself.
Not a risk.
It is quite the offer.
And yet, I can't help but feel I'm being used.
So that you can isolate Taylor even more.
I thought we were past Mase Cap paranoia.
Is it paranoia? I'm using your talent.
If Taylor feels similar appreciation, they'll bless this.
Let me sleep on it.
Where'd we end up? Well, not where you were, not where you expected to be, but a very good place, I believe.
Solicitor General.
Acting SG.
Of course.
The price for killing the memo.
Everything stays nice and quiet.
Well, useful to you too, isn't it? With you as NYAG and me on the federal bench, weren't gonna see me that often.
It'll be better this way.
It's a prestigious post and still an avenue to the show.
Two current Justices were SGs before.
Everyone gets everything he wants, huh? I'm just glad I could be a friend to you.
Early dinner at Luger's? On me.
Game's changed.
No, game's the same Fucking computer boys scrape data and code algos.
Slurp up all the alpha.
Need to find a new way to beat it.
Market's closed, player, nothing left for you on that screen until morning.
But I'm here.
What did you have in mind? Why don't you show me those new cup holders in the mini-v? How 'bout a raincheck.
I think I need some alone time Is Taylor here? They just got back.
Tea? I'm gonna roll dry.
Imagine you know about Lauren lending herself out to Axe Cap? And I imagine you know that she's been asked to make it a permanent detail.
I did not.
Are you going to agree to that? She wants to do it.
It's a good opportunity.
She'll rep both shops.
- And that's all right? - It's how it is.
- And if I don't like it? - I don't know what to tell you.
There's a lot I don't like.
Doesn't mean I can change it.
- Pop-quiz, hot shot.
- Mm.
Not really a pop-quiz.
I'm fully prepared.
Where did I put Adam DeGiulio? Solicitor General? What was wrong with the Second Circuit? Served him, not you.
The New York Attorney General doesn't get before them very often.
Why Solicitor General then? You lost your New York criminal jurisdiction - to the Manhattan D.
- Mm-hmm.
So maybe we go big game hunting in another neck of the woods like the Supreme Court? And wouldn't you know who decides who gets to argue before the Court: Solicitor fucking General.
I get up in front of the Nine, I'm taking you with.
Oh, damn straight.
Did you, uh you leak that memo to the senator in the first place? I, uh, put it in motion before I made my deal with the Dark Passenger.
And it was too late to pull it back.
And you'd never do a friend like that anymore, right? Right? Good thing we don't have to know that today.
We've got something special for you tonight.
I hope you've all kept your appetite 'cause we brought a little bit of Brooklyn up here to Mohonk Mountain House.
From Lilia, Chef Missy Robbins and her partner, Sean Feeney.
We're so excited for you to try one of my favorite pasta dishes, which is the dish that reminds me every day - how much I love to cook.
- And we hope you enjoy.
- Give it to me.
- Struck terms with Shenk.
He loves the Longriver piece.
Was a dealmaker.
I got my arms around Hakli the same way.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
It's been my privilege, all Mike long, to fete so many of you.
And it's good to end on someone I respect so much.
Someone I'm proud to call a friend and a guide.
And though he's late in arriving, I think he's going to be a big part of all of our lives.
Please, a warm hand for my key partner in a breakthrough healthcare initiative Shaman Bram Longriver.
I feel a deep spiritual debt to the man but I nevertheless feel compelled to separate his dick from his balls.
Longriver's going to share some wisdom with us after dinner, but, please, come say hi.
You stole my shaman.
He belongs to the whole world.
You didn't come in the spirit of The Mike.
You came to scuttle around and take for yourself.
But the game was already over, man.
I thought there was enough for everybody.
Success breeds success and all that happy horse shit.
You don't come to a man's house - This isn't your house - Close enough.
Like I told ya: When I compete, hell, I'm there to win.
Well, hear me: Game's not over, buddy boy.
Not by a country fucking mile.
I'm aware.
Look at those fat fucking furballs Wags, you ever get tired of working for a living? Every damn day.
But I've got a nasty addiction called money.
So I do what I do.
- You? - No.
Until today.
You know, they call us traders 'gamblers.
' The world economy's just one big casino, fueled by a giant debt bubble and computer driven derivatives.
And there's only one thing better than being a gambler at a casino.
- That's being the house.
- That is right.
There's a systemized machine out there sucking capital from localities and injecting it into the global markets where it can be used to speculate and manipulate.
And if something goes wrong, there are bailouts and bail-ins, federal aid and easing.
Where the government doesn't hunt you down, but instead gives you a nice soft net to land in.
That's your answer to the fireside chat: You want to become a bank.
I want to become a bank.
In order to rob it? In order that I don't have to.
And to sleep like they do.
And to die in my own fucking bed.
Told ya: done giving you info.
Goes the other way.
I'm giving you information: I know what you did.
Maybe selling me out to Axe was a move.
But maybe you're actually, appallingly, under his sway.
Doesn't matter.
There will come a time when you will be forced to line up against Axe for your very survival.
'Cause he's not capable of a true alliance, only destruction.
And if such a time comes When it does, you will need me.
Though I have come to realize the ways in which Axe and I are alike.
We both are possessed of and by a sort of monster.
But unlike Axe, I am in control of mine.
I have a code.
And I need that code? No.
You need that monster.

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