Billions (2016) s05e03 Episode Script

Beg, Bribe, Bully

1 [WAGS.]
Previously on Billions To our new AG.
- Long may he rule.
Until recently, I had always had a North Star.
It's too late.
- That's how divorced people talk.
- It is.
You really are serious about making a change.
I am committed to this course.
To purge the world of villainy.
And myself of I guess villainy, too.
Told ya: done giving you info.
There will come a time when you will be forced to line up against Axe for your very survival.
When it does, you will need me.
I'll trade ya a whole pie, plus solve your Rhoades problems, for an introduction to a certain guy who works for your outfit.
They call me "Hard Bob," and you know why? I have an idea.
'Cause I brook no bullshit.
Last I checked, we still had some sovereignty.
This is where you want to make a stand? You stole my shaman.
When I compete, hell, I'm there to win.
Game's not over, buddy boy.
But if Mase Cap is no longer an operation, what do I do here? That's your answer to the fireside chat: You want to become a bank.
- I want to become a bank.
- In order to rob it? In order that I don't have to.
- It's not time to make a change - Just relax, take it easy You're still young, that's your fault There's so much you have to know Find a girl, settle down If you want, you can marry Look at me I am old, but I'm happy I was once like you are now And I know that it's not easy How do you know this shit isn't gonna blow up? 'Cause Gordie Axelrod only blows up shit when he wants to.
Did you just go full third-person? Yeah, I know.
Too much.
I got carried away with the excitement.
- Marcus.
Good to go.
- Yah.
Good to go.
Jam it.
- Yeah! Let's get rich - [CHUCKLING.]
- We're crypto millionaires! [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING.]
Oh, shit.
Gordie Axelrod done fucked up.
Those photos the dealer sent don't capture the Power? Yeah, you have to stand in front of a painting.
Feel what it does to you.
I'm sure feeling something.
What is it? Oh.
Guy's wrestling with the big themes.
Sex, drugs, and Cocoa Puffs? Close This.
This is the one.
Dealer said his last show was a while ago.
Dealer said it was almost a bust [WAGS.]
guy refused to dance for collectors.
But it sold through.
- The work - Yeah, the work.
Good job getting me in here while it's still virgin snow.
Let's grab these up before the show starts.
- What the fuck? - Red dots? That means sold.
That means There was a pre-pre-viewing? - [WAGS.]
- It happened.
We got snaked.
I will find the dealer and ship him back to that armory broken down like a disassembled M-16 in a fucking crate Forget the dealer.
We'll get him later.
Right now we go to the source.
You know what this guy looks like? No.
Very low-pro on the web.
And now we have.
Hey, Tanner, - Bobby Axelrod - How you doing? Tanner, Axe, here, is a major collector.
Great eye for what's next.
Worth knowing.
I wish I had something to sell you.
But Prince.
You bought the Implosion series.
I love knowing that you dig 'em, too.
I got here early, and they spoke to me.
Damn, man.
Not my intention to scoop you.
Hey, if it couldn't be me.
Just kill me now.
Disturbing work, huh? It really gets into the weighty questions.
You know, what caught my eye is the humility in the face of inevitable decay.
Something you missed, no doubt.
Ahh, well, I'll have plenty of time to find it when it's hanging in my beach house.
Well, you'll beat me to the punch next time.
How much second-rate dogshit did you have to buy - to get him in early? - Nah, buying someone off, - that's your move.
- What'd you use, charm? [CHUCKLES.]
Charm? Charm's thin.
Shit, you're charming, but you ain't got a painting.
No, I happen to be warm and inviting.
And draw people to me.
In this case, I lucked into catching a morning set with his dealer in Zuma.
Hardly had to ask.
Serendipity do da.
Where do you go from here? Home.
Back to Hudson.
Oh? You done with Implosion? Are you? I'm, uh, talking with the artist.
'Cause I'd love to buy if you have more.
I-I don't have a fucking clue if I ever will.
I've always been obsessed with what happens to things when they come to their end.
I don't paint for money.
Never have.
Or demand.
So I don't know.
Well when you do, think of me.
- Okay.
Tanner, it's your moment, let's go down and let 'em see our paintings.
I failed you, habibi.
I don't feel like bucking you up right now.
- Just do the next thing.
- Which is? "I don't paint for money" means nobody has paid me enough yet.
So, if you can't buy the art buy the artist.
What happens when you give me a job? [DOOR CLOSES.]
Like Hector Elizondo in The Flamingo Kid: You cut a joint, it stays.
I have no idea what any of those words mean.
But yes.
I get the damn job done.
See, he's a plumber And, uh, he works with his hands.
A pipe joint is, um Anyway, in this case? Once the governor took our budget and those criminal cases away, you said, uh [CHUCK.]
Find me some civil cases - [CHUCK.]
with big settlements.
- Mm.
Since we get to keep 'em and spend it as we see fit.
Well, I did it.
We'll have about 5 million coming in.
Praise be.
Just like Elizondo in Kid.
I'll take that as a compliment.
Oh, that's how it was intended.
If I'd wanted to insult you, I'd have called you Big Sid.
Good job.
- Keep it coming.
- [AXE.]
What do you think? - [WAGS.]
Think he'll go for it? - [AXE.]
Wouldn't you? - [WAGS.]
But I don't see the world the way he does.
- It does get good light though - Mm.
You wanted to talk banks? - [AXE.]
- Let's talk banks.
Axe you're not getting a bank.
That is, sadly, the long and short of it.
Which I could've told you in five minutes at your office, where we were supposed to meet Yeah, change of plans.
What is this place? - Special project.
Don't worry about it.
So, how'm I getting a bank.
Told you, you won't.
FDIC approval is never happening.
We know it's hard.
That's why we have Hard Bob here.
To crack it open.
You didn't come to New York City just to give us apologies No, I came for the Armory Show.
And him? I like art parties.
Which we will be getting back to post-haste - [CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
- after I make you understand why a federal bank will not be in your future.
Hello? Understood I'll be there this afternoon.
We need to get on a plane.
Gordie stepped in some shit at school.
- Have a good trip - [AXE.]
Uh uh.
Hang tight.
You two are both coming with.
And by the time we land, I want to know how I am getting a fucking bank.
No fucking way that works.
No fucking way you understand it.
We educate them so they can run the world.
One day.
But we can't let them run the school.
That's our job.
To make the tough decisions until they're ready to.
Is that hand-holding? Is that condescension? No.
Here at Lawrenceburg, we call it guidance.
- He's right about that.
The students at that university if he lets them win, decide where to invest he's lost all control.
That's what he's saying.
But not what he believes.
This is NLP.
Natural Language Processing.
Analyzing subtext through artificial intelligence.
It does work.
- And pretty fucking cool.
The computer is digging past the words he's saying, beneath the speech itself - Still seems like bullshit.
Stay with us.
By analyzing speech patterns, vocal frequencies, tone, sentence structure, it tells us that this man wants to divest his university's billion dollar fund from fossil fuels.
And not just because of student protests.
- Because he thinks it's right.
- That's a theory, right? A probability? Look at him trying.
Yes, it is a probabilistic conclusion.
But we've analyzed his statements and noticed a change about five years ago the first time any major university divested.
If he wants in on the party, why's he holding back? [HAMMON.]
You know it's not so easy to unroll from these positions without significant losses.
- Can we? - [WINSTON.]
Hell yeah, we can! I mean, this will be the first live test.
But yeah I'm pretty fucking sure.
Have Lauren set the pitch.
I know some of his board of trustees.
- This won't be easy.
- Big wins never are.
Then go get that endowment.
And don't fail, because after Langstraat pulled Yes.
Another loss will be demoralizing.
And crippling.
To succeed we're going to need you to be something you haven't been lately.
Friendly? Effective.
How do you appeal to someone whose values, whose entire system of beliefs, is opposed to yours? - Are you talking about me? - Not this time.
Although you should have asked me before approaching Lauren.
Do you want to talk about it now? No.
No, a potential investor.
Chancellor of Lawrenceburg.
Do you want to give me more information or leave it super theoretical? I would like to give you, at all times, as little information as possible.
But, we have found a way to get underneath his words.
He knows he should divest his school from fossil fuels.
He hates that the pressure to do so is coming from students.
And if he does it in the wrong way, he believes he will be fired.
So he cares too much about things he shouldn't care about at all? Part of him wants to fight the kids for the sake of fighting the kids.
But that isn't rational.
That's the problem with the real world, real people.
We're not computers with the software directing the hardware.
We're not rational actors.
- Some of us are.
- Some of us think we are.
Are you familiar with Jonathan Haidt? The social psychologist.
- Do you believe in God? - Um, no.
A simple transaction.
Ten bucks, for your eternal soul.
Oh, and you need to sign it over on paper.
Do you take the deal? [WENDY.]
And that pause tells you [WENDY.]
everything you need to know about people.
The moment when convictions run headlong into layers of psychological baggage that evolution and social convention have wrapped them in.
You don't believe in the religious concept of a soul, yet you still hesitate at selling yours.
There's still that gap between rational thought and rational action.
Between software and hardware.
How do we bridge that gap? Make the man fear inaction.
And the regret he'll have if he makes the wrong move.
And now we're back to Lauren.
Stop moving people around as you think best, even if you're right.
You should have approached me first.
We should talk more.
- Thanks, Sabrina.
I don't want to offend.
May I speak freely? Please do.
Even you can't bribe, beg, and bully your way into a bank.
Your past legal troubles make you too fragrant to clear the federal background dive.
The SEC will drop its scat all over your application.
I, too, don't want to offend.
May I speak freely? Mode I prefer.
I brook no bullshit.
You can go fuck yourself.
Our legal issues were extinguished.
Bringing them up now is like watching porn after you've already gotten off.
Well, may I speak freely? Your legal issues were the tip of the fucking toxic iceberg - May I speak freely? - You can both speak fucking freely.
I thought you were omnipotent.
Or pretty fucking close anyway.
Now you're telling the FDIC won't give me approval? Even Jesus kept the miracles in the realm of the conceivable.
The FDIC makes the casino licensing board look as soft as Cottonelle.
The fucking bankers almost bankrupted the country And they got even richer when they did it.
But they got their licenses first.
They were smart enough not to stick their shmekels into the tushies of the average American until they actually had a goddamn bank charter.
As in all things, sequence matters.
- You got too dirty too soon.
- Mm-hmm.
So gimme a plan.
Take your chance with a state charter.
Different regulators, lesser.
Perhaps more open to the Bribing, the begging, the bullying.
We'd still be a bank.
If you make it through the flaming hoops.
You'll need to show a high level of liquidity.
You'll need an airtight board.
You'll need a, a unassailable CEO.
And you'll have to rehab your image with state pols who will be unapologetic and totally blind to their own corruption.
Why don't you come work for me, Hard Bob? You know the territory.
I like the way you roll.
Lease him out to me.
He's his own man, he can do what he wants.
Thanks for the offer, I find it touching but I love working for the G alongside Special K here.
I'll stick where I am.
I know Yeah.
I'm on my way now.
They're not throwing him out of anywhere, you can count on that [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Dad - What the fuck, Gord? Bitcoin mining in your dorm? - Multi-mining.
- What the fuck is a 'multi?' Mining a selection of cryptocurrencies with the highest market prices and trading them back for Bitcoin.
It's the smart way to do the stupid thing he was doing.
But it was gonna work.
And it should have worked.
If the wiring in the dorm wasn't so shit You're blaming that? Well.
That's why we bypassed the internal fusing.
Give us a call when you quit college.
We'll have a job for you.
Now, Gord, where'd you come up with a fucking scheme like this? [DOORS OPEN.]
Your son was responsible for the cascading failure of the local grid.
Knocked out the town.
All in service of some digital Mammon [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
I don't think Gordie should be here for this.
I'm going to speak more plainly than you're used to, Mr.
My son can handle it.
I'm not sure you understand, sir.
I'm going to talk I get it.
Like Senator Geary in Two.
And, as Il Padrino did in that picture, let me make you an offer.
A generous donation to the school.
Plus the costs of fixing up whatever it is Gordie broke.
Because that, that's what this is to you.
Something you fix by dangling trinkets in front of my face.
Your son dishonors himself, dishonors this school, and you see it as part of a financial transaction.
Dishonors? I think you're soaking up a little bit too much of the atmosphere here.
It was [SIGHS.]
Let's call it an independent lab project gone bad.
Knocked out a few lights.
But you gotta admit, showed initiative.
Our business leaders today, they started young, goes doubly for our startups It showed, Mr.
Axelrod, a complete lack of respect for the codes and morals that we've been instilling in our young men, and more recently women, for generations.
And more than that, more than that, it's a true lack of character.
Though I am sorry [KESSEL.]
because as much as I want to believe that each student that enters Skinner Prep comes in here a blank slate oh, sir, I don't know if your son ever really had that chance.
You really did want to insult me today.
I want to wake you up to the dangers your son is in.
To the dangers you helped put him in.
The world outside this campus may be in crisis [KESSEL.]
driven there largely by men like you, [KESSEL.]
modern-day robber barons who only care about acquiring more, more, more, more but here, this place, sir, this oasis, is the antidote.
I can't tell how many zeros you're looking for.
At this school, we don't hold the sins of the father against the son.
But we do judge the sins of the son on their own merits.
And right now, I have to tell you, I'm leaning heavily toward expulsion.
Lean too far, you might could fall.
I'm no band leader.
Last guy who said that lost his prized equine.
It might seem like a tough lesson.
But no matter how hard you try I will not allow you to put a price on Gordie's soul.
Good day.
Am I punished? I don't know what I'm doing with you.
First, let's get you clear of it.
Tell me we got something good on this prig? Bad news.
The Headmaster, Kessel, is clean.
This is a man with no discernible vices.
No arrests, no legal battles, no financial problems.
Not even a DUI.
I mean who doesn't have a single DUI on their record I digress.
Fuck this place - Wait, I like it here - Thacker Prep.
Beech Abbey School.
All fine, fine institutions Those are rehabs and reform schools.
And all brief resting places for me in my youth.
I was going to offer to make a call.
Gordie's not tumbling down the fucking ladder, he's staying here.
If we can't squeeze the Headmaster, then we squeeze what he loves most: the school.
And we squeeze him where it's most tender: the donors.
I'll call Hall.
- Dad, I'm really sorry.
- Hey.
Of course I defend you in front of the Headmaster never speak against the family but between us, you really fucked up.
The risk/reward ratio is off.
And there are better ways to impress a girl than putting your whole future at stake.
I'm not mad that you ran a scheme, I'm mad you didn't game it out.
Second law of thermodynamics, Gordie Total entropy of a system No.
The price of your actions.
Now we have to ruin a headmaster.
- A good man.
- What a show of parentage.
I have so much to learn from you both, about communication between a father and a son.
Hall, we have a job for you, breaking down a prep school like a butcher quartering a spring lamb.
I'll get to that in a minute.
But first, I have a job for you.
I've had an epiphany, watching Axe with Anyway, it is time that I became a real pater familias.
I am reaching out to all of my children.
I have tabs on the little ones, but I need you to locate my older sons.
Look, the truth is: they cut me off.
But I need to see what they're up to what they've become.
We were thrilled to hear that you might be interested in teaching here at the Law School this semester.
And I was doubly thrilled that you could make the time to talk with me about it, Dean Walker.
A sitting AG? Students will be cutting each other off at the knees to get into your office hours.
Appreciate the compliment, though looking back at my days here, most of the scrambling was drunken and involved fried glazed doughnuts at The Doodle.
Education should be robust.
For me it was.
The world and my place in it was never so clear as when I was at school here.
Sleepless, buried under an avalanche of books and case studies The point of it all never burned so brightly.
I was in hell, yes, but it all made sense.
I feel the same about Law School.
That's right you know, I I keep rolling it around in the ol' noggin.
When I was here, I had a sense of purpose, you know, a surety that the law, and my intention of doing good and right as a prosecutor, was a kind of shield.
And you learned the very tools that allowed you to ascend to the job For sure.
To fight the evil in this world.
And if I can be a part of giving the next generation the weapons [WALKER.]
How lucky they'll be to have you.
We are thrilled that you'll be a visiting professor.
The Rhoades name is woven into our tradition here And as a member of our Facultas Legis, perhaps you could help us with a small matter.
It seems your father agreed to an annual donation of a hundred thousand dollars - Uh-huh.
- and he's a bit in arrears.
How many years has he missed? Well, all of them.
All of them.
If you could help, that'd be great.
Either way, we look forward to you joining us.
I'm here from Governor Sweeney's office to pick up the check.
Which check is that? The one for $5 million.
The funds from your office's recent seizure? You should have called and saved the wear and tear on your Florsheims then because the way I understand it, those funds are ours to deploy as we see fit.
They're at the governor's discretion and direction.
And he's directed me to come and get them.
He feels that the Manhattan DA's office can put them to better use.
Have a check cut by end of day.
Enjoy your self-satisfied smile while it lasts.
I never said I wanted to divest.
You wouldn't be here if you didn't know it was the right thing to do.
And that I'm the person who knows how to do it.
How can a man in my position give in to the whims of the current student Yes.
You have drawn battle lines.
And so you think of it as giving in.
I'm not the only one.
The chairman of my board of trustees has a strong take What's his take going to be if other institutions do this first? Well.
As long as we're not last, I think he'll be just fine with it.
You are too smart to think that way.
And know your history too well.
Wait and see results in missing out.
Can you guarantee me that we'll make real money in the process? You will be out of your petroleum positions.
You will be seen as responsive to legitimate concerns.
And you will be on the cutting edge of financial thinking.
If that's not a win, tell me what is.
And the entitled asshole class known as the student body will think they won and bullied me into it.
How often does someone give you the chance to do the smart thing, even when ego and lifelong wiring are trying to pull you in a different direction? I understand, firsthand, what it is to choke down the bile of compromise for the sake of the greater good.
Yes, it feels gross and you shudder and shake.
But you wake up the next day with a mind at ease.
Because you have protected the long term.
Instead of indulging in the momentary feeling of being strong.
I'll take it to the trustees.
I'll call you soon.
Okay, so.
I found out a donor who gave 800K to the athletic department each year.
He's friends with friends of ours.
So I reached out.
Only it ain't 800K he gives.
It's a mil.
There's 200K a year going somewhere else.
What'd you learn? Uh.
That was um You ever try talking to a 14-year-old girl on FaceTime? Goddamn, I hope that was one of your kids.
My youngest.
It was rough.
But instead of dwelling on that, and what it means for who I am and have been, as a man, husband and father, I'm gonna get on figuring out what Headmaster Kessel did with that missing 200k.
This is such an honor.
Creative people have always been so mystifying and special to me.
Perhaps because my mother always told me to keep away from them.
Yeah, my mother used to say things.
And working for Axe the speed at which his mind operates, the vastness of what it can hold, the way he recognizes and rewards talent it can bring out the best in you.
Things you didn't even know you were capable of.
Plus, the money! Thanks for showing me in.
Hey, if you want to cry or something, man, go right ahead.
I got no judgments, nothing but love.
Hey, Axe.
Hey, look, man.
I can't do this.
It's not how I work.
No, no, yeah, yeah, I understand.
I expected this call.
Hang in, we'll break some bread and we'll get into it.
Yeah, alright.
It's alright Axe, when are you coming down? I'm making a great gelato.
But in the meantime, listen, I'm sending someone in to pick up a few pies.
I'm out of town [AXE.]
but I've got an important dinner.
You know I don't do that kind of thing.
This pizza doesn't travel.
It's not supposed to be reheated.
It's pizza.
It's designed to travel.
Not this pizza.
It goes from the oven to your mouth.
I won't hold you responsible for the taste.
Only for you, Axe.
She got a motor Oh, baby, come on and ride with me - She got a motor - [TELEPHONE RINGING.]
Are we ready to discuss ACATing [TAYLOR.]
your accounts over? We are not.
This is Admiral Bill Karras, chairman of the board of trustees.
You may have hypnotized the chancellor, here.
But I have stood up to much harsher methods of interrogation.
I see.
See this: We are not going to let any candy-ass students [KARRAS.]
tell us how and when to invest our endowment.
Thank you for your interest in our university.
Admiral Karras.
You know him? Wild Bill? Not that many four-star flag officers walking around.
I was never under his direct command.
Met him at a fleet briefing on the Saudi Peninsula.
His men had a song about him and how he could power a carrier with his temper.
- Why? - He's holding up our endowment.
How can you arm me to take a run at him? By telling you to stay here and let me do it.
You think I'm a candy ass? He thinks almost everyone serving in the Navy is a candy ass.
And he definitely thinks that of absolutely everyone who didn't serve.
Then I'm going to let you take it.
My boy, my girl - [CHUCK.]
- The hearth is complete.
Can't picture you doing that with me.
Your lips never touched formula.
You were at your mother's teat until you started reading Chaucer.
But you get with the times, or you grow old.
You want to hold your sister? [BABY COOS.]
Uh, no.
It's not a social call.
Uh, I just came from old Ya-lay U.
I'm doing a bit of teaching this semester.
- Back to the teat, eh? - It'll do me good.
And you would do me and the school well to follow through on your financial commitment.
I'm done paying for your schooling.
You agreed to the donations, not me.
Son, these things are all politics and politicking.
When it comes to academic philanthropy, it's a case of fox and hound.
And I'm the fox.
It's not a game.
You made a pledge.
I have new priorities now.
You certainly do.
And Yale doesn't need your money their endowment's 30 billion already.
You're on board with this? Has Yale offended you? Something in how they've historically dealt with indigenous peoples? [BABY COOS.]
No, I'm offended by the idea of paying for a family legacy when the family doesn't really act like a family.
The warm embrace of the brood is indeed important.
As strange and circuitously linked as that brood may be.
Perhaps I've been dilatory in my familial duties.
My children have not had the pleasure of truly welcoming the newest members of our clan.
It's high time I correct that oversight.
We'd like that very much.
I take it you'll have no trouble navigating the soon-to-be-former Mrs.
Wendy Rhoades? Oh.
No one's more family-first.
We're gonna walk into his office and we're gonna let the Headmaster know what we know about him, and then you [BAG ZIPPING.]
will be sleeping back in your dorm room tonight, Gord [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Glad I caught you.
Just had a one-on-one with Skinner's athletic director.
Amiable man, after a fashion.
He confirmed Kessel took the money? Yes and no.
Pinched it but didn't pocket it.
Redirected it.
He's actually working for the good.
Like Robin of fucking Locksley? Much like that.
Um, Kessel sidetracked the excess money from wrestling to fund a scholarship program for Syrian refugees that the school had refused to fund.
Three of those refugees and their families are on campus this year.
I'll stand by.
So the headmaster, sanctimonious though he sure is, turns out is a good man after all.
So, do we still have to destroy him? What do you think? [SIGHS.]
Such a father.
Still haven't caught up with your eldest? My Georgie? No, I haven't.
Last I heard, he ran a legal cannabis business in Colorado but it crossed state lines.
Now, much like the answer, he's blowing in the wind.
Don't beat yourself up on this, Wags.
Fathering ain't easy.
I have what I need to take this Headmaster out.
Do I fix this for him? How do I not fuck my kid up more? [WENDY.]
That's the question every decent parent asks every day.
Let's say you take the laissez-faire approach, let the market have its way with Gordie.
He learns there are consequences.
Gets suspended, probably expelled.
Ends up at a lower-tier prep school or New York Military Academy.
Goes to Colby instead of Harvard.
There's There's no shame in that I mean, unless for the kid who's going mini-Winklevoss at 14 it's what he set his sights on.
Then it's crushing.
And maybe he blames you for the consequence.
And that chip on his shoulder [WENDY.]
turns into a drinking problem by the time he's 28.
Or he blames himself, [WENDY.]
accepts the consequences, [WENDY.]
self-worth gets dinged up pretty good And winds up with a drinking problem by the time he's 28.
And then there's you Can you stay the course with whatever you decide? Because if you dive in after him only sometimes, he won't know how or when to swim, or breathe, or trust.
It's got to be tough love all the way which could work out great, he could turn out great or the interventionist approach forevermore.
So the question is, do I have the stomach to let him dangle? [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
If I had a hat, it would be in hand Why? What do you want to discuss? I wish we didn't have to do this here.
I wish you were a completely different man.
The financial restraining order blocking you from getting your apartment was a bit of an overreach.
But I was merely reacting to I know my releasing the statement.
Which I wouldn't have done if you hadn't dragged your goddamned feet.
I was having a hard time accepting our status.
But now I have.
So perhaps a pullback on the order is in line.
Oh, Christ.
You need something.
You're not apologizing, we're horse trading.
Out with it.
That's hardly the way I would characterize this.
The kids should know [CHUCK.]
that family is still important at a time like this.
All family.
Even new family.
I want to formally introduce Kevin and Eva to Roxanne and Willow.
Come on.
You got to be kidding me.
Was this your whacked-out father's idea? Wendy.
He is a changed individual.
You don't even believe that.
You'd be surprised at my current suite of beliefs.
One of them being that there's value in the sanctity of family.
I'll lower my guns.
Have the ATRO lifted.
You want to buy an apartment done.
What would be expected? [CHUCKLES.]
Just that the kids get to know their new relatives Oh, and, uh, that you be there too.
Where are we at? I've been texting.
It's off.
My phone.
I-I turned it.
Are you drunk? - I was - [TAYLOR.]
I can smell it.
What do retired admirals drink? Anything they want, and a lot of it.
Did you get into divestment? Yeah.
It's done.
It is? He agreed? - [HAMMON.]
He did - But how? Because this candy ass's specialty is making admirals crumble like rock candy.
But an idea occurred on the way over.
Everything that they're giving up.
We can take the same position that we are unrolling the endowment from get the oil companies to make a deal to stave off the publicity bloodletting [HAMMON.]
that will come from the divestment.
And we can do it without implicating the University.
We just have to run the trade through the main house.
It goes against the spirit of the entire thing.
By the rules of engagement in our business it's the right move.
It's a no.
It's not who we are.
Or who I want to be.
You know that line from Hamilton You know I know 'em all "He takes and he takes and he takes.
" It's about Alexander.
But it might as well be about our governor.
Oh no.
- The money? - [SACKER.]
Best practices for years have been that the AG gets to use settlement money.
But the governor is claiming the funds I've gathered.
So I'm to what, uh, propose a duel at dawn across the river in Jersey? - Can you? - Would that I could.
Is there a workaround? I drilled down.
Before the funds land with us, and so can be taken from us, we can designate them.
But I want 'em! [SACKER.]
We can designate them to a public good.
Like a law school clinic, earmarked to do certain work, run by a certain person.
Yale Law.
I get to go home again.
And make it work for us.
You do.
Nice job, Sacker.
When I cut a joint, ya know? [CHUCKLING.]
I do.
Sir? Excuse me! We know you've been siphoning from athletic donations to give scholarships to Syrian refugees.
Your board's not gonna like that Yeah.
And I'm certain the authorities won't either.
Is this your plan? To blackmail me? Blackmail? Nah.
The word is expose.
Expose what? I'm helping smart kids and their families people with next to nothing make it in this world.
And I think you'll find a school community here that supports that.
Sounds noble, but will they, really? You clearly underestimate the empathy of the Skinner family.
These are your so-called "scholarship recipients" [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
But what it really looks like is cheap labor.
They They have no accommodations when they get here, so I take them in.
They help around the house.
That's it.
Unpaid illegal immigrants living in your house.
That's not a very good look, Headmaster.
Well, I don't care what it looks like.
I'm helping these people.
Well, it looks like 'these people' are working for you.
And they aren't getting paid for it, are they? - Don't they call that white slavery? - I think they just call it slavery This isn't right.
Are you really going to destroy me tarnish this historic institution that's helped thousands of young men and women and those poor refugees to keep your son from being expelled? Bet your ass I am.
In fact I have.
- Isn't that what I just did, Wags? - Yeah.
I saw you do it.
- Like three seconds ago.
- Hmm.
You are going to clear my son, Gordie, of any wrongdoing.
But that's not it.
We're not finished.
Not by a long shot.
'Cause you embarrassed him dragged him in here, held him out in front of the school like a common criminal.
You dinged his reputation.
So now you are going to give me the chance to fix that, too.
Alright Rock 'n' Roll Your headmaster was kind enough to cede me the mic for this morning's lesson, and I'm here to give you a little bit about what this school has been holding back from you the goddamn truth about Darwin, scarcity and the world you actually live in.
It's not the warm, swaddled place your Headmaster and your parents have told you about.
It's populated by people like me [AXE.]
who will TEAR YOU APART.
Nature didn't select me.
I selected myself by harnessing my nature.
My son wasn't pulling a prank.
He was trying to earn.
And if he broke the school's code, it's because the code is wrong.
Asked him to go against the DNA which is telling each of you to be greedy, yes, be hungry.
Subjugate and conquer.
'Cause that's who we are.
That's what we are.
Capitalism harnesses that better than any other economic model on Earth.
Everything we have is because of capitalism.
'Cause someone had an incentive to get up off his ass, to out-invent, to out-earn, yes, and to subjugate others [AXE.]
less capable, less intelligent, [AXE.]
less ambitious, less lucky to make those capitalistic dreams come true.
And you know what I'm talking about, Headmaster Kessel.
It's the dirty secret you may not want to hear [AXE.]
but you fucking love the result.
As will you soon enough.
Alright Rock 'n' Roll At the end of a dream, if you know where I mean When the mist just starts to clear In a similar way, at the end of today I could feel the sound of writing on the wall [TAPPING ON GLASS.]
Courtesy knock! - [DOOR OPENS.]
- Let's get this over with.
The generations.
All under one roof.
At last.
Kids this is your new uh, my sister.
Your aunt.
She's so small, how can she be my aunt? [CHUCKLES.]
The world can be a funny place, sweetie.
- [WENDY.]
It can - The world is whatever the hell you make it.
Say hi.
She's adorable [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
You want your papa? - Check is in the mail, Sonny.
- Mm.
Check is in the mail.
Say hi.
- Sir.
Thank you.
- My pleasure.
- Wags, great.
Thanks, gentlemen.
I'll show you downstairs.
Was that? Dell Lambert from Argyra Petroleum Indeed it was.
- And - [WAGS.]
Yep, Cliff Slade from Charter Offshore Oil.
We just assumed big positions and gave them a nice haircut while doing it.
- Baller move.
- A kick-save and a beaut' [DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
You know who that is? - Yes.
I do.
Who were they? Opportunity.
The CEOs of the fucking oil companies we just divested Lawrenceburg's endowment from.
Axe took on the positions? Mm.
With a back deal that will pay off handsomely, no doubt.
Sick score No one in here seems happy.
How come no one's happy? I know it was your idea.
But I know you didn't take it to him.
Don't worry, I'm not firing you - Fire me? I quit.
- Sara That should have been our score and you know it.
But it's not the right play.
Not right? We're at work, not a fucking climate rally.
You are only halfway in on this.
And you know where that leaves you? Vietnam.
George Wagner.
My son.
The first and proudest issue of my loins is on his way up.
I hope he'll be working here soon.
Treat him like everyone else but not really.
Georgie boy! Hello, Dad.
It's good to see you.
Can't wait to tell you the news the Good News.
What is this? It's everything.
It's the whole world.
Dad, I've made my personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
And I'm here to share Him with you.
I don't want the gig.
Like I told your guy there He said to wait and tell you.
It's not about my work, man.
It's about you and Prince.
I don't need to be part of some pissing contest.
There's always a fight over something of value.
Look, you think I really don't know what makes your stuff so good? No, I-I heard what you said.
And you wanted it before Prince even got there, so But I never painted on commission before and I don't plan on starting now.
Maybe that works with your stock boys.
But I'm a painter.
I have stock guys.
I want Michelangelo.
Who painted on commission, by the way.
I know.
The Medicis.
Do we like the Sistine Chapel any less because they paid him to paint it? No.
And Mozart? [AXE.]
Did his best work for bags of gold.
Mozart died penniless, at his piano.
First he enjoyed some Nipples of Venus.
And we're still talking about him 250 years later.
I'm not asking for your soul.
Just your next eight paintings.
You know, the place does get good light during the day.
Sure does.
Come on, let's sit.
Keep talking.
Anthony said to tell you he's sorry It's not going to be like in the restaurant Yeah, the purist made it clear.
But honestly, it looks pretty damn solid.
Sure does.
- Thanks, Chef Ryan.
- You bet.
So, Anthony, my new pizza guy, he's a lot like you a true artist.
All the talent in the world, but still he isn't sure.
He's afraid of coming up short, because he knows perfection.
But, if you stick around, what you'll see is: I know greatness.
And that's what this is.
Take a bite.
Tell me I'm wrong.
That's amazing.
You are not wrong.
That's what you'll learn rolling with me.
I'm never wrong Almost never Really never.
- [AXE.]
Dig in.
To all of it.
You're with me now.
Long live rock 'n' roll Long live rock 'n' roll, yeah Long live rock 'n' roll Look here If you suddenly see what has happened to me You should spread the word around And tell everyone here that it's perfectly clear They can sail above it all on what they've found It cries for you It's the best that you can do Like a sound that's everywhere I can hear it screaming through the air Long live rock 'n' roll Long live rock 'n' roll Long live rock 'n' roll Let it live, let it live, let it live Long live rock 'n' roll Long live rock 'n' roll, yeah Long live rock 'n' roll Banners held high with a curse and a cry and it's Long live rock 'n' roll Long live rock 'n' roll
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