Bizaardvark (2016) s03e02 Episode Script

Two Me's in a Pod

1 (sighs) Another relaxing morning at the beach.
My sister's coming! Time to catch up on all the big news in the world.
My sister's coming! (both scream) Careful.
- My sister's coming! - Ah! Ah! You know, there was a time where that wouldn't have gone my way.
But say hello to the new Bernie Schotz! Ah! Everyone, gather round.
My little sister's coming! Group: We know! Well, you don't have to yell.
Anyway, it's a big deal.
I even announced it today on my channel.
Hey, y'all! My sister Sarah is visiting and she's coming back to Perfect Perfection! (squeals) We haven't seen each other in, like, six months.
In case you forgot how cute we are together, here are some past clips.
Hey, y'all! I'm here to do one of my world-famous dance routines with my sister, Sarah.
Or as I like to call her Both: Lil' Meels.
(pop music plays) And that's how you make Both: Perfect cupcakes! Ta-da! Perfectly perfect in every way.
No, you are.
No, you.
- No, you.
- No, you.
Both: No, you.
No, you.
No, you.
No, you.
No, you.
No, you! Aren't we adorbs? I agree.
Totes adorbs.
(theme music playing) All: Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! All right.
I called this house meeting, 'cause I have sad news.
Last night, our beloved ping pong table was broken.
(kids groan) How'd that happen? (grunts) Okay, don't panic.
We have all night to come up with a believable excuse.
A meteor hit it! I know they're lying, but I'm also afraid of the truth.
The good news is there's money in the house fund to replace it.
Hey, instead of ping pong, maybe we could get an air hockey table.
Or a cool pinball machine.
- Oh, yeah, I love that.
- (chattering) Everyone, zip it! We'll vote on it.
Air hockey people stand on my right, pinballers to my left.
Come on! Let's make like my sixth marriage and get this over with.
Hey, Frankie, air hockey is on this side.
Oh, I know.
I'm Team Pinball all day long, girlfriend.
That's what I'm talking about, girlfriend.
Weird, but I'll high-five you anyway.
Zane, join us.
Join victory.
No can do, Rodney.
Air hockey isn't just a game to me.
It's Both: A way of life.
(both gasp) Twins! So it looks like we have a tie.
Wait, that can't be.
Who didn't vote? - Bernard! - Big boys take naps too.
I mean my abs were tired.
We're voting.
Air hockey or pinball? You're the decider.
"The decider"? That's a lot of power for one man.
The Decider Making decisions is a tough choice Making decisions in a high voice Slow motion yeah.
Bernard, you have until tonight to cast your vote.
I don't have time for this.
I have a murderball game to ref.
(blows whistle) Frankie's voice: Doorbell.
Is that your voice? Yeah.
I'm the doorbell.
My sister's here! You guys are gonna love her.
We're like two peas in a pod.
Except we're both like me, so it's like two me's in a pod.
(gasps) I just made that up! (door opens) Amelia! Ah! I missed you so much! I missed you! No, you.
- No, you.
- No, you.
Both: No, you.
No, you.
No, you.
No, you.
No, you.
No, you! Guys, this is my sister, Sarah.
Oh, I'm not Sarah anymore.
I go by Willow now.
Willow? Yeah.
Don't you love it? It's like Sarah, but with different letters.
Amelia: You're barefoot.
I was born without shoes.
No one questioned it then.
Hi, I'm Paige.
Uh, and I'm Frankie.
You might know me from the doorbell.
I know who you guys are.
You're Bizaardbark.
It's Bizaardvark, but you're so cute, maybe we'll change it.
We're not changing it.
Hey, you guys haven't seen each other in so long.
Give me your phone and I'll take a sister picture.
Oh, I don't use technology.
Since when? What do you do with your hands? I play with dirt.
And your thoughts? I think about dirt.
(forced laughter) Why don't we get something to eat? I got all your favorites: ham, turkey, roast beef.
Aw, that's so sweet.
But do you have any food not laced with murder? Uh I didn't used to think about things like where my clothes or food came from, but now I care about stuff.
I'm woke! What was that? I know.
"Bizaardbark"? It's a nonsense word.
It doesn't even mean anything.
My sister's so different.
What are we even supposed to make videos about? Dogs in trees? I can't have her on my channel tonight.
Who knows what she'll say or do.
Although, dogs and trees could work.
Like, ooh, what about a video where a tree pees on a dog? You know what? She's changed so much she probably doesn't even want to be on my channel anymore.
Amelia, I love it here! I can't wait to be on your channel.
Yay! I can't wait to have you.
- No, you.
- No, you.
- No, you.
No, you.
- No, you.
No, you.
(sighs) Oh You know, the more I say it, the more I love it.
Paige, we're changing everything! Willow: Amelia! There you are.
Five minutes till we start filming.
I'm so excited! Me (coughs) too! Meels, are you sick? I'm sorry.
I was so looking forward to having you on my channel, but the doctor says I have the Four-Day Flu.
(gasps) But I'm only here for three days.
Oh, dear! That means you leave one day before I get better! (shouts) Why? (coughs) You know what? No! The show must go on! Oh! No! Your health is too important.
You deserve the best medical care science has to offer.
Hold these healing stones and think about rainbows.
I'll go collect more stones.
- Phew! - (stones thud) Amelia? What's going on? (chuckles) You wouldn't understand, it's very complicated.
'Cause it seems like you're faking being sick because you don't want Willow to be on your channel and you don't want to hurt her feelings.
Nobody likes a know-it-all, Paige.
Amelia, do you want my advice? No, I do not.
You see, the thing about family Wait, did you say no? 'Cause you're dealing with feelings and there's there's conflict and Oh, this is my jam! Paige, there's no conflict here.
My sister's not gonna be on my channel and she won't get her feelings hurt.
Problem solved.
I feel better already.
You feel better? Yay, my healing stones worked! And just in time for us to film your show! I'll be in my room if you need me.
Are you sure this is gonna get Bernie to vote with us for air hockey? Trust me, Bernie is all about ego.
Once he opens this jar, he'll feel strong which will boost his confidence and then he'll do anything we say.
Oh! Uh, hey, Bernie? Zane here wants mayonnaise on his sandwich, but I'm weak and not strong.
Can you help us? Pfft, can't I? Let the Bern-doggie give that old jar a woof.
(grunting) Just one second.
(grunting) (glass breaks) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ah! Ah! Ugh! I hate you, jar.
(groaning) Why is this so hard? (grunting) (groans) (grunting) (grunting and crashing continues) I thought you said you said if we tricked Bernie, he'd vote air hockey.
Wait, wait.
Trick me? Are you just trying to butter me up because I'm the deciding vote? Well, it won't work because I'm The Decider.
Just vote air hockey.
Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
The Decider is the most important person in this house! I matter! This is the best day of my life! Ah! (Bernie thinking) The Decider's day had taken an unexpected detour.
The bad guys decided intimidation was how they were gonna get what they wanted.
(snaps fingers) Bernie.
We can't scare you into voting for pinball if you don't pay attention.
He won't break! I've tried physical force, loud noises, and even the dreaded Canadian finger torture.
Vote for pinball, or we'll smother your french fries in cheese curds and gravy, eh? That sounds delicious.
It is! It's called poutine.
I want my pinball machine! He's not worth it, Rodney! Amelia, I'm so excited to be back on your channel.
Oh! You know what? I don't think we can do this.
Vuuugle rules say you need permission from Mom and Dad to Done.
And remember, I have to approve that video before it goes online, so watch the potty mouths.
Great! I guess this is happening.
Ooh, I have an idea.
Why don't we do all your fan favorites like dancing, baking, and beauty? You mean like we used to when you were still Sarah? Yeah! Those are some of my favorite memories.
Me too! This could actually work.
Hey, y'all! Amelia here, back with a very special episode of Perfect Perfection featuring my little sister! Love and blessings from Willow Moon Breeze.
What? Your name got longer? Yes.
Like all things, I'm constantly evolving.
(laughs) Jokes.
My audience loves jokes.
It's time for our world famous Both: Duckworth Sister dance routine! (pop music plays) (scoffs) What are you doing? Following the beat in my heart.
Next time, try following the beat in the music.
Let's decorate some cupcakes.
Yay! It's important to apply the frosting evenly.
(scoffs) Frosting goes on top.
Anything can go anywhere.
Sometimes, I wear my pants on my arms.
(thud) Let's wrap it up with some beauty time.
Uh okay.
Every good makeover starts off with a simple base.
Can we just do my hair? I don't like playing with makeup anymore.
Oh, okay.
Let's get you some shoes.
No, I like being barefoot.
But I can make you look how you used to look.
I don't want to look how I used to look.
If you just let me No! Stop trying to make me be like you.
But we're (sighs) two me's in a pod.
(sighs) Hey, everybody! Welcome to another episode of What's in M'Hair? What, what, what What, what's in m'hair? (drumroll) (fanfare) Sweet! A guitar! - (rock music plays) - What? What? What's in my hair? That was another episode of What's in M'Hair? Come on, sing along! Grandma: This video has been parent approved.
Hey, Paige, can I talk to you? Please.
I've been expecting you.
(sighs) So, what's going on? Is it friends? Is it the house? Is it that thing I tried to warn you about but you ignored me just like you ignored your sister when she didn't want a makeover? Aw, you were watching.
Amelia, you're obviously upset about your sister.
Well, who wouldn't be? We used to be so close, but now she's all different.
And how does that make you feel? I don't know who she is anymore.
I feel like I'm losing her.
Amelia, I know it's hard to accept, but people change.
Like when I was 10, I was this awkward dork who always laughed when she got nervous.
(laughs) Hey, I'm taller now.
Amelia, can I ask you a question? Do you love your sister? I do! So much.
Then stop expecting her to be who she was and accept her for who she is.
You're right.
I should go talk to her.
Thanks, Paige.
Nice work, Olvera.
This is your jam! Whoo! (pinball machine noises) - (bell dings repeatedly) - (flippers hitting ball) Rodney? What are you listening to? Best of Pinball Sounds, Volume Three.
Soothing, right? (scoffs) Uh sure.
You love pinball this much? Who doesn't? The binging and bonging of the bumpers, the clank of the flipper, the "Rodney, stop playing pinball!" of my Mom.
Man I really wanted a pinball machine in here.
Look Bernie might not vote our way, but we'll always have The Best of Pinball Sounds, Volume Three, right? Turn that baby up.
(pinball machine noises continue) (both sigh) (pinball machine noises continue) Oh, no.
They're listening to The Best of Pinball Sounds, Volume Three.
They must have figured out how to get to Bernie.
(sighs) I'm sorry, Zane.
One thing I've learned in all my years, Bernie's the worst.
Man, I was so close to finally getting an air hockey table.
What do you mean? I've wanted one since I was five, but my family couldn't afford it.
Till one Christmas changed everything.
- My mom put a piece of red tape - (nostalgic music plays) across our dining room table, then she turned on two fans and made me my very own air hockey table! Then she handed me a box.
Inside was an air hockey paddle with my name on it.
That was the night I decided to become an unboxer.
The joy I felt, I want every kid to feel that happy when I unbox something for them.
I'm sure that was a boring story.
That was the best story I've ever heard! It had Christmas, and surprises, and your mom, who from the story sounds lovely.
(cries) There, there.
Let it all out.
(Paige continues crying) Hey, can I talk to you? I don't know.
Are you gonna tell me more things that are wrong with me? There's nothing wrong with you.
It's me.
I'm the problem.
And I really wanna understand this phase you're going through.
- But - It's not a phase! (sighs) Amelia, I love being your sister.
But it's really hard.
I'm always being compared to you, and it makes me feel like I'm not perfect.
I'm so sorry.
- I didn't realize.
- It's okay.
I like who I am now.
I was just hoping you would too.
I do like who you are.
I love who you are, Willow.
I love you too, Amelia.
(sighs) (sniffs) Mm-mm, you smell like decomposing flowers and dirt.
Thank you.
Hey, you wanna come on my channel again? I want my subscribers to meet the new you.
(Amelia giggles) What up, Ameliacs? Amelia here, back with my little sister, Willow.
Hey, everyone.
I have an announcement.
Willow made me realize that telling people they need to be perfect doesn't always make them feel good about themselves.
So I'm officially changing my channel.
What? Amelia, you can't.
People change.
So can I.
I'm awake! - Woke.
- Woke! Which is why Perfect Perfection will now be known as Imperfect Imperfection, focusing on all the things that make each of us unique.
I love it.
Thanks, Lil Will.
Anytime, Big Meels.
Let's celebrate with some world-famous Both: Duckworth Dancing! (pop music plays) Aw.
All: Aw! Blah, blah, blah, girl stuff.
It's time for The Decider.
(thudding, banging) (grunting) (grunting) Oh, great.
He got a podium.
What's it gonna be, Bernard? Air hockey or pinball? I'm glad you asked.
This is the moment you've all been waiting for.
When a decision transforms an entire house.
I have decided I'm changing my vote! (everyone gasps) Wait, what's happening? I now vote for air hockey! - (gasps) - Rodney, what are you doing? I thought we were Team Pinball.
We are.
But I'm also on Team Best Friend Zane.
Maybe you don't know what it's like to have a best friend.
- Actually, this whole show is about - But I do! And what I want more than a pinball machine is for my best friend to get the air hockey table he's always wanted.
You heard me? I did, with my ears.
Wow! Man, I don't know what to say.
Whatever it is, say it with a hug.
Blah, blah, blah, guy stuff.
Who wants to hear The Decider's vote? I too am changing my vote.
Seriously, what's happening? Who's with us? (everyone cheers) Let's go to the mall and pick out an air hockey table right now! (everyone cheers) Everyone in the Vuuugle Van! Grandma: Excuse me.
Whoa! I, too, vote air hockey! The Reinforcer Reinforcing decisions that've already been made (falsetto) Something, something, in a high voice