Bizaardvark (2016) s03e04 Episode Script

No Way, Whoa!

1 Hey, everybody! Welcome to another episode of What's in M'Hair? What, what, what, what What's in my hair? Alright! (drumroll) Sweet! More hair! - Oh, yeah.
- (guitar riff) And that was another episode of What's in M'Hair? What, what, what, what What's in my hair? (theme music plays) Let's go make some videos - Hey! - Hey! Let's go make some videos - Hey! - Hey! Alright, Frankie.
You've dangerously combined all the cereals from the cereal bar into one bowl.
Dig in! What does it taste like? Is it like biting into a rainbow? Can you taste a million flavors? Is your mouth alive for the first time ever? It tastes like chocolate.
- (ding) - Ladies! I have very important news.
Rory Finch, from the popular online entertainment show, No Way, Whoa! is coming to do a piece on the Vuuugle House.
Rory Finch is coming here? She's like the biggest influencer on the Internet.
Oh! Remember when she had on Roshana, the painting elephant? No way! Whoa! (Roshana trumpets) I heard because of that No Way, Whoa! Roshana's last painting sold for $2 million.
Two point three.
I had to have it! Anywho.
I'm looking for someone to be the face of the Vuuugle House.
We have faces! Let me finish.
I've chosen you two! - Whoo! - It worked! Remember, her channel has 10 million subscribers, so if the piece is great, it will be great for the entire house.
Thank you, Liam.
We promise we will handle this responsibility with grace and maturity.
You hear that, suckas? We're the face of this house! Oh, Frankie! This could be huge for Bizaardvark.
Like, if we meet Rory Finch, and we do something that makes her say, "No way, whoa!" We'll be Internet superstars! Yeah! But she doesn't just give out "No way, whoas.
" You gots to earn dem whoas! Whoa.
Sorry.
I'm just riled up.
Ooh! She's probably gonna interview us.
What's your quickest, and yet, most interesting story? Okay, one time, I was sitting on this bench, right? When a baby bird landed on my shoulder, and we whistled a song together.
I just got chills.
Use it.
And I'm gonna do a thing where I thoughtfully touch my lips in a way that makes me seem deeper than I am.
Wow.
That is some next-level stuff.
On a related note, Rory Finch wears scarves, so you know what I'm thinking? You don't even need to say it out loud.
Just to be clear, we're gonna wear scarves, right? You kinda ruined it by checking in with me.
Would've been cooler if we just kept nodding.
Okay, redo, redo.
(clears throat) You know what I'm thinking? So, we're both gonna wear scarves? What is wrong with you? AMELIA: What's in the boxes? I ordered some new dumbbells, kettlebells, barbells.
Gotta use the bells if you wanna gain the swells.
I just made that up an hour ago and practiced it.
Those boxes look pretty heavy.
How much are you gonna tip the delivery guys? Tip? Uh, hey, um, uh, you know what, guys? You can just leave the rest of the boxes on the landing.
Right there is good.
Alright, thanks, boys.
Drop by for a lift "sesh" if you ever feel like getting yoked! Bernie, could you please move your stupid weights? Sure! (groans) Okay! (grunts) What happened to your leg? Oh, you didn't hear? It's a pretty crazy story.
Yo, Bernie! I saw a guy online break a cinder block with his bare feet.
You think you can do it? Absolutely! Except I broke my foot yesterday playing "Duck, Duck, Goose.
" Bernie, next time you tell that story, you might wanna change the ending to make it seem a little less embarrassing.
Good call.
Except I broke my foot yesterday shaving my legs.
Yeah.
Alright! Let's just move these boxes, so I can get out of this dungeon of sadness.
(both straining) (grunts) (straining) Bernie? If we can't move these, we'll never move those! Oh! We're stuck down here! Because you were too cheap to tip! Some might say "financially responsible.
" (shouting) Hello? Anyone? Amelia.
We're two flights of concrete steps deep into the core of the Earth.
There's no cell service, no Wi-Fi, and Grandma had me soundproof the basement cause I like to listen to the "Puppy Princess" soundtrack with the bass turned up! Princess Puppy - This is the remix.
- (dogs barking) Pretty trill, right? (screams) Alright, boys, it was great meeting you! TOGETHER: Bye, Rory Finch! Oh.
I'm nervous.
Are you nervous? (scoffs) Nah.
"Nervous" is a weird word.
Are you even sure it's pronounced "nervous" and not "ner-vowce?" Now I'm pretty sure it's "ner-voice.
" We're getting in our heads.
We just need Rory to give us a "No way, whoa!" and we're gold just be cool! (shouting) Hey, Rory! We're Frankie I mean, Paige I mean, uh, I'm Paige, she's Frankie.
What, what! Nice glasses.
So, what are you? Nearsighted? Farsighted? Is it warm in here? Alright, girls, let's get into this.
So, what did it feel like when you two heard you got into the Vuuugle House? Well, uh, at first, we were nervous.
She means "ner-vowce.
" Um I I have a bird story.
Oh, yes, yes, it's very powerful.
Tell it.
Um, well, a bird landed on my shoulder, I started whistling, and then, it started whistling! No way! - So - (disappointed sighs) how long have you two been working together? Oh, like around, like, four years.
Funny story! When we first met, my braids were only to here, and her hair was to here! But no braids though! No way! (inaudible) Sorry, I was just doing some lip stretches.
You know, "Bizaardvark" is the words "bizarre" and "aardvark" combined.
(chuckles) It's called a portmanteau.
No way! Whoa, look at the time! Let's get some footage of the house.
Thanks for hanging, girls.
- Uh, yeah, bye! - Nice to meet you! Bye! Was that a "No way, whoa!" Or a "No way!" Period.
New thought.
"Whoa!" Well, I mean it was a "no way" and "whoa" in that order, so why are we even questioning it? Yeah! I mean, it's not like she said, "No way," comma, "whoa" question mark.
What is with you and punctuation, dude? You're right.
Hey, looks like we got ourselves a "No way, whoa," exclamation point! Oh, by the way, nice ad lib on that hair story.
Way to think on your feet.
No, when you came in and clarified that you didn't have a braid, that was magical.
(computer dings) Frankie, Rory Finch just posted the new No Way, Whoa! promo.
What up, my jelly beans? I'm Rory Finch, and this is No Way, Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Today, I took a trip to the Vuuugle House where I met two awesome peeps that made me sit up and say, "No way! Whoa!" We did it! Their names are (drumroll) Zane and Rodney! TOGETHER: What?! Time to make our favorite snack! Human PB&J! - (both hollering) - (smack) (Rory laughing) I only scratched the surface with these two little dude nuggets, so you know I'm going back tomorrow for another hang sesh.
Later, jelly beans.
(camera clicking) What the heck? That was our "No way, whoa.
" I can't believe we blew it! We totally blew it.
I mean, we're Bizaardvark.
We didn't even do anything funny.
But we still can.
Rory's coming back here tomorrow.
Let's show her how funny we are, steal the spotlight back from Zane and Rodney, and get the "No way, whoa," we deserve.
Or we could be mature, move on with our lives, and let two 10-year-olds enjoy their moment of glory.
(both laughing) Oh, let's go steal from children.
LIAM: Nicely done, gentlemen.
Getting a "No way, whoa," from Rory Finch is a "mad dope achieve.
" And Mother says I can't hang with the youths.
Wow! You hear that, Rodney? Yeah! Liam has a mom.
I caught that, too.
But also, he thinks we're a big deal.
Want to wear our sunglasses inside? Does Liam have a mom? And we're rolling.
So, boys, what's it like living together? Oh, a lotta laughs, Ror.
Lotta laughs.
Alright, time to show Rory Finch just how funny we are.
Oh, hey! Hi! Didn't realize you guys were filming in here! Please, please, don't mind us.
We're just heading outside to shoot a little comedy video.
Those costumes are hilarious! What's the video about? It's called "The Sheepish Rappers.
" We rap hardcore, but them immediately apologize, 'cause we're sheepish.
Also, you may not have noticed, but we are dressed like sheep.
Sounds rando.
Mind if I check it out? I mean, sure, but we're not really prepared, so (hip hop music playing) Ah, yeah! It's about to get woolly up in here! My name is Sheepy, and I'm here to say I'm comin' for you in a really hard way - (record scratch) - Or not.
I'm sorry.
Was that too aggressive? I haven't even asked anything about you.
(laughs) - (music resumes) - I don't think so My rhymes, they are tight Takin' you down all through the night - (record scratch) - Or not! I don't mean to make you feel bad about how tight or not tight your rhymes are.
Maybe mine are too tight.
(laughing) I'm really glad we had this talk.
TOGETHER: We're sheepish We're sheepish, yo, we're sheepish (sheepishly) We're sheepish, yo.
(baaing) (laughing) That was hilarious! They're sheepish, like timid, but also, they're dressed like sheep.
So it works on two levels, because it is dumb and smart! No way! Double whoa! TOGETHER: Double whoa! Let's talk.
- Oh.
- Okay.
What just happened? I don't know.
I was looking that way.
I'll tell you what happened.
They stole the spotlight from us! We need to get Rory to focus on us again.
Rodney, how are your comedy skills? I tell a pretty sick "knock, knock" joke.
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there? Rodney! Okay, we can't out-comedy them.
Hey! We're younger than they are, which means we're cuter than they are.
Are you asking me to turn on the cute? 'Cause once I turn it on, there ain't no turning it off.
Turn it on, you hairy pile of cute.
Turn it on! We've been stuck down here for a day! How come no one's looking for me? First of all, thanks for including me in your concern.
Secondly, did you forget to turn your hologram off? Hi, y'all.
Hi, y'all.
- (glitching) - Hi, y'all.
Dang it! That thing's so charming and full of charisma.
No one's gonna know it's not me! Don't worry.
People are definitely gonna be looking for me.
I made a little announcement yesterday.
Despite the current lower leg sitch, the Bern-dawg will still be lifting in the basement all weekend! Upper bod excluse.
And everyone's invited to watch.
It's gonna get real sweaty down there! Okay, so no one's gonna be looking for us! This is a disaster! You know, I'm actually kind of enjoying this time.
It's given me the chance to work on a passion project of mine.
Making sock puppets of everyone in the house! (imitating Amelia) Hey, y'all! I'm Sock-Melia Sockworth.
My favorite music is "sock and roll," and all my money's in the "sock market.
" (normal voice) It's good, right? I I I don't understand you.
Gosh.
I'm so sick of being down here! Oh gosh.
And I'm tired, and I'm hungry! I got some pretzels in my pocket.
Wait a minute.
You always stuff food in your pockets! You're a notorious food hoarder! Aw! Thank you! Where do you keep your cargo pants? (angelic chorus sings) Looks like it's "All You Can Eat" at the Bernie buffet! Bernie's food pants Bernie's food pants Bernie's food pants Bernie's food pants Bernie's food pants In his pockets There is snack food And it's linty and disgusting Don't try this at home Bernie's food pants Bernie's food pants Yummy yum yum, yummy yum yum Yum yum yum yum yum yum (sighs) That was both the weirdest and most satisfying meal I've ever had.
Yeah.
We don't try to be funny.
We try to be.
Funny part just happens.
Yeah, we don't really do it for the laughs, but lucky for us, they happen constantly.
(both laughing) (puppies barking) No way! Whoa! (laughs) Cute overload! Um, let's get a shot of these adorable little fellas.
And the puppies too.
Frankie, what are they doing? Are they stealing our spotlight? I don't know.
But if anyone's gonna be the immature 10-year-olds around here, it's gonna be us.
Quick! What can we do that they can't? Uh Rory, we can do a synchronized dance! We can? - Five, six, seven, eight.
- Five, six, five, six, - One, two, three, four, - seven, eight, five, six, - five, six, seven, eight.
- seven, eight, five, six.
(talking over each other) Dude.
The puppies aren't working anymore.
What other talents do you have? I can impersonate Gary from the grocery store.
- Do it! - (clears throat) (normal voice) Welcome to the grocery store! Wow.
It was like Gary was in the room.
Is this something? Am I doing something? You better be, 'cause I'm doing it too.
Don't look at them, Rory! Look at us! Knock it off, suspenders! This is our "No way, whoa!" No, it's ours! (arguing) Hey! I thought this was a house full of creatives who loved to work together.
Turns out it's just a house full of people who fight with each other to steal the spotlight.
No way! No.
Also, I'm taking these puppies.
A "No way, no," from Rory Finch will ruin the Vuuugle House's reputation.
Liam, we are so sorry.
(sarcastically) Oh, you're sorry.
Well, boo boo kissed.
All better now.
Thanks! You know, the more time we spend with him the less his sarcasm stings.
(crying) I was just trying to apologize! Look you stole the spotlight from them, and you stole the spotlight from them! All of you fix this before Rory posts her piece! So what do we do now? We could try sharing the spotlight.
You mean, like if we all did a performance together or something? No, I meant pool our money, buy a spotlight, and split it into four pieces.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm leaning towards Zane's way.
Yeah, if the four of us did a big, awesome performance and Rory liked it, we could get the first ever quadruple "No way, whoa.
" Yeah.
Okay, let's do it.
But how are we gonna get Rory to come back to the house? I can impersonate Liam.
- (ding) - What? Um, different Liam.
"Different Liam.
" I can impersonate that guy.
Rodney, I've heard your impersonations.
They're not great.
Are you sure you (Liam's voice) Rory! I have something I'd like to run by you.
Got a minute? Yet his channel is pulling stuff out of his hair.
Okay, Mr.
Squirrel.
Let's make a deal.
If you rescue me, I'll give you a tour of the Vuuugle House.
What's that? You want $5,000 worth of acorns? (chuckles) No deal! Amelia Duckworth will not be swindled! (imitating Paige) Hi, I'm Paige! I like sea otters and emotions, and other people's problems.
(imitating Frankie) Hi, I'm Frankie.
I have glasses and Wow.
I really don't spend a lot of time with Frankie.
Bernie! Bernie, we're losing it, man! We're never making it out of this stupid basement! I'm so weak and (breathing heavily) There's no air, Bernie! No air! Of course there's air.
Just turn on the A/C unit.
Wait.
Where does that thing connect to? The entire house.
That's why the duct is so huge.
I mean, one or even two people our size could fit inside that thing and crawl around.
That'd be fun, huh? Oh, well, back to the puppets.
Bernie! If we unscrew that thing, we can climb outta here! You should have taken the deal when you had the chance, squirrel! Guys, you've got your work cut out for you.
I'm only giving out one "No way, whoa," today, and there is a giraffe in Fresno with a short neck and a long body.
Thank you so much for coming back, Rory.
We have something we really want to show you.
Alright, we stayed up all night writing out lyrics and working on our choreography.
Let's get the biggest "No way" that's even been "whoa'ed.
" (instrumental music plays) TOGETHER: This is our moment (all scream) - (Bernie moaning) - (Amelia coughing) We made it! We're alive! Um this is definitely how I broke my leg.
Not shaving them.
What is going on? I was locked in the basement and now I'm free! Again, thanks for including me.
N-n-n-n no w-w-w-way! No way! No way! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! TOGETHER: Five whoa's.
Now this is what I thought the Vuuugle House was all about.
I want to learn all about you brave survivors, and then I wanna tell the world all about you.
- But we did all this - It's okay.
We fixed it.
If it's good for the house, it's good for all of us.
Rory Finch is here? Guys, did you know Rory Finch is here? How do I look? ALL: Great.
Guys! Crutches.
Ah, I'll catch up.
We're here with Amelia and Bernie who spent two days trapped in a basement.
Tell us.
What happened down there? It was crazy.
There was no Wi-Fi! And Bernie made a sock puppet show.
A puppet show? I love it! Uh, can you show us a little? Sorry.
Didn't bring any of my puppets.
It's okay! I made one of my own.
(imitating Bernie) Hey, hey, it's Bernie Socks! I like to get my swole on, so I can get yoked! Also, I'm cheap.
Coo-coo.
That was pretty good.