Black-ish (2014) s04e01 Episode Script


1 Dre: Children bring so much joy except when you have to watch their school plays.
My name is Diane.
And I'm Jack.
We're in Ms.
Davis' third-grade class.
Years from now, when I look back on this footage, I look forward to hearing you eat mints.
[Chuckles] They're butterscotch.
- Mm, okay.
- Halfrican.
Uh Okay, Ruby.
Well, can I have one, please? Mnh-mnh.
It's my last piece.
[Sighs] - Can I have one, Grandma? - She don't have any more.
- Well, yes, baby.
- What? I've always got a butterscotch for family.
In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
[Scoffs] Okay.
I'm Christopher Columbus, and I discovered America.
[Chuckles] Okay Fake history, right? No, I just don't think these children are that talented.
Is everything okay, Mr.
Johnson? Do you feel that there's not enough representation? Because after the last incident, I had children bussed in.
Honestly, if I wanted my children around this many minorities, I would have taken them to a Tyler Perry play and shamelessly enjoyed it.
- Rainbow: Dre.
- Hmm? Dre.
Can you ask your mom for a butterscotch for me, please? - Mama - Unh-unh.
- She said no.
- Rainbow: What? Zoey: You know, I can drive now, so we can just leave and never come back here.
[Scoffs] And miss the moment when Mom decides to divorce Dad and we sneak out under the cover of night to start a new life, opening an artisanal coffee shop in a transitioning but scrappy neighborhood in Portland? [Piano playing] Dre: Ms.
Davis, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Where you really failed is this isn't how it went down.
[Rapping] Everything you know about Columbus is a joke He didn't discover America Prepare to get woke I'm Christopher Columbus, and I'm pretty much evil On Hispaniola, my men killed the indigenous people Die, Indians! But this isn't India! - Speak English! - [Pop!] [Grunts] You're so brave, Columbus More than words can convey And it's cool how your men killed 3,000 people in one day So let's make one thing perfectly clear Celebrating Columbus is celebrating a slavery pioneer But at least you can get a great deal on a mattress.
- [Piano playing] - [Inhales sharply] We will take your opinions into consideration.
Well, instead of making us celebrate your holidays, why don't you celebrate some of ours? Hmm.
Everybody is represented here.
Patrick's Day.
- Columbus Day.
- Mm-hmm.
- Cinco de Mayo.
- Yeah.
- What about 2Pac's birthday? - Oh, well What about Magic Johnson's Still Alive Day? - Really? - Earl.
What about Juneteenth? Maybe you should have led with that last one.
- Maybe.
- Okay.
[Piano playing] I offer this to you in peace.
Dre: Mm, mm, mm.
I can't believe you would honor a slave trader like Columbus when you do not honor Juneteenth a proud black holiday tradition that my family treasures! What? We don't celebrate Juneteenth Shut up, Junior! You love it.
- [People murmuring] - It's very important in our household.
Johnsons, we about to be out.
Excuse me! [People gasping, murmuring] Here we go again.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your racist pageant.
- [People gasping] - Johnsons! - We out! - No, no, no, no! That That's not true! 30% of the cast are colored children! - Rainbow: Okay.
- Children of color.
That was not great.
[Groans] Hi.
So, we just want to thank you for the minorities.
We can tell you're trying, - and it means a lot to us.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
See you, now.
- But Listen, I have a great eyebrow person.
[Chuckles, groans] Huh? What does that mean? What?! [Laughing] I look fine! [Laughing] I realized that for Juneteenth to live, Columbus Day had to die, so it was up to me.
Well, me and Grammy-nominated Aloe Blacc.
Okay, you know the drill, man.
You get lunch when you make me a hit.
All right, let's take it again from the top.
Come on.
Everybody knows Christopher Columbus was honored for his bravery But he never sailed to North America He sold children into slavery Mm! Stevens: That does not sound like an ad for Samsung.
Nope, I'm using Aloe Blacc to put an end to Columbus Day.
You're why black people can't get jobs.
Well, that's one of many reasons.
Dre: I'm serious.
Columbus Day is a BS holiday.
Okay, so I guess you'll be at work on Monday.
You sound stupid.
Okay? Did you know that Columbus never even set foot in North America? - What? Prove it.
- Yes, he did.
- Come on, now.
- Fake news.
The only reason we celebrate dude is 'cause everyone remembers that hook, "In 1492" All: "Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
" - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Charlie: Mm-hmm.
First I'm hearing about this Columbo fellow.
What? I spent my time in school learning a trade way more valuable than any book.
I learned how to forge résumés, college diplomas, time sheets.
I've said too much.
The point is we celebrate a horrible man when we don't even acknowledge important moments in our own history, like Juneteenth.
Oh! What is June - Daphne: Oh, my God! - No, no, no, no, no.
No! No, no, no, no.
- teenth? - Damn it! There goes lunch! All right, June 19, 1865, or "Juneteenth," is the day in America where all slaves were finally free.
You did this.
And on that fateful day in history Aloe Blacc: Actually maybe Juneteenth is better explained through song.
Dre: Oh.
You know, I usually give the history lessons around here, but go ahead, Aloe Blacc.
You know, I'll just sit here.
[Keyboard playing] I am a slave Yes, I'm only a slave They'll place my body in an unmarked grave In these Confederate days It's kind of hard to lift every voice singin' While worrying about how low The sweet chariots are swingin' I could swing from a tree But, hey, oh, I hope and pray they don't kill me Today I am still just a slave If the Emancipation Proclamation was passed in 1863, why weren't you free until 1865? Well, it took two years for the Civil War to end.
Oh, so you were free when the war ended? Nah, not for two more months because Texas landowners wanted another harvest.
That's not cool.
Well, none of it was cool.
But an army ship arrived on June 19, 1865, and announced we were free.
That's why we celebrate Juneteenth.
I am a slave In the home of the brave A product of the triangular trade Please pardon my ways If I'm nervous or the slightest bit skittish In the presence of the Portuguese Spanish, Dutch, or British They kept me in colonial chains Tell me how to persuade them to chill Or to save me, and still I'm a slave That was not uncomfortable at all.
Is that stuff true, Papa? Just like anything black people do, if Juneteenth had a chance of succeeding, we would have to brand and market it twice as hard.
What do you think of this Juneteenth mock-up? Hold on.
Did you take my egg rolls? [Garbled] These aren't for the table? They were not.
Stevens: Really, Dre? I figured this was one of those things that you would just get tired of, like kente cloth.
This isn't a trend, all right? Juneteenth is a 150-year-old tradition that no one's heard about, not even my black kids.
I mean, there's there's storytelling.
There's red-velvet cake, hibiscus tea.
Actually, hibiscus tea is a modern-day substitute for strawberry soda.
- Oh, really? - That's interesting.
- Really?! - Never had it.
- I didn't know that.
- Thank you, Aloe Blacc, for correcting me in front of company.
Okay? Josh: Hey, Dre, I don't get it.
I mean, don't you already have MLK day? And Black History Month? And Reparations Day.
That's when in times of civil unrest, we start urban bonfires and acquire discount electronics.
Charlie, are you talking about looting? - That's just looting.
- Connor: Yeah.
The truth is we don't have anything that celebrates the end of slavery.
Stevens: Well, MLK Day is a pretty big umbrella there, Dre.
Like, Mary Poppins big.
- [Chuckles] - This is insane.
You don't tell white people or Jewish people that they only deserve one holiday.
Connor: Well, half that statement's true.
[Chuckles] It just seems, Dre, like you're getting a little bit greedy.
For real?! - Yeah.
- You guys are giving push-back on the one thing that honors the end of slavery? You do know why America's so rich, right? Because we built this land for free.
- Mama? - Yeah, baby? Can you tell us a story? Of course I can.
Baby, what kind of story you want to hear? - Um, tell us a scary story.
- Mm.
No, no, no, tell us a love story.
Ooh! Tell us a story - about a slave who gets free! - Junior! - Say what? - Ruby: Oh, my God! W-What did you? Boy, what is wrong with you? You see, them light-skinned babies never know how to act.
Here's a story won't get us all killed.
How we built this country for free.
[Choir vocalizing] [Hip-hop beat plays] [Baby crying] Oh, oh, oh, oh More quick.
It's gonna be okay.
It's gonna be all right.
We raised their children Then raised their buildings And they made billions I'm catching feelings Really? What else did we build? Railroads Wall Street The White House and university UVA? We built that Chapel Hill? We built that Pyramids? No, sorry, our Hebrew brothers get credit for that Mazel Let's turn up and get it poppin' Settle down We still ain't got nothin' We built this Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh We built this Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I'm done, y'all I'm-a keep it 100 Tomorrow when I hit the field, I'm-a keep runnin' We did everything that the overseer wanted And if we got paid, then we'd be stuntin' Sugarcane, cotton hands My blood and sweat paid for this land My life would have been different If I didn't have cinnamon pigment We built this Josh: Wait.
You don't think my grandparents' summer house in Savannah, Georgia, was built by slaves, do you? Oh, i-it's so beautiful.
There's this big house, and then there's all these little play houses out back Oh! - Oh, no.
- Daphne: Yep.
Every Thanksgiving, you felt up your cousin in slave quarters.
Only before she got married and after her divorce.
A-And last week.
You've never truly loved until you loved your cousin.
She's my first cousin.
- Doesn't matter.
- Thank you.
Dre: The point is black people don't get the credit that we deserve for working hundreds of years.
You can never put a number on the amount of wealth that we've created for this country.
Actually, social scientists estimate that slaves contributed - $300 billion worth of economic value.
- What?! Seriously? - Dre: Seriously? - both: Wow! Seriously? Aloe Blacc, you are a guest at my work.
I don't show up at your job and vaguely sound like Tracy Chapman.
I'm doing you a favor.
- Connor: Dre.
- Brah? Aloe Blacc has convinced us slavery was a bad thing.
Yeah, so thank you for that, Aloe.
I'm just saying, Dre, that maybe it's healthier for you to put all this negativity behind you.
Your people Well, they have been free - for a long time.
- Long time.
- Dre: Really? - Yeah.
You think we're free? Your tone makes me feel this is a trick question.
Things just didn't get better on June 20th.
Even when we were free, we weren't free.
[All cheering] Free! We're free! We're free! We're free! [Laughs] Come here! [Both laugh] Get over here! [Laughs] - We're free! - So, what happens now? Oh, we're free, dummy! Okay, but what does that mean? Well, it's - Pops.
- Ruby: Yeah.
What does that mean? What do you think it means, dummy?! We're free.
We're free to do whatever we want! - Whoo! - Ohh! Diane: Then can I ride a horse? Absolutely, baby! Can I buy strawberry soda? Yeah! Yeah! But you gonna have to get in line behind me.
- Oh! - Can I be president?! - Whoa, whoa! - Hey, hey, now.
- Settle down.
- Oh! That's your son.
Okay, I got it, Pops.
Listen here, son.
Being free means we're finally gonna be equal to the white man.
[Hip-hop music plays] Freedom, yeah No slavery no more No listenin' to massa Goodbye to white folks Freedom, yeah No slavery no more No listenin' to massa Goodbye to white folks Freedom I'm talkin' 'bout Juneteenth - Talkin' 'bout Juneteenth - It was the 20th But the 19th's when it was told to us Oh, yeah It's time to vote for me To take part in this democracy Tear them freedom papers up, please 'Cause we don't need to show ID It's June 19th we celebrate Grab a blonde and miscegenate Ooh, ain't that somethin' I can finally whistle at a white woman I'm-a start a business I'm-a get a loan I'm-a move to the 'burbs and buy me a home I'm-a take a vacation, and when I'm gone They won't burn crosses on my lawn I can sit at the counter and rub elbows And I won't get sprayed with a fire hose When I get reparations, I'm-a act a fool Plant my 40 acres and ghost-ride the mule Get my 40 acres and a mule Get my 40 acres and a mule Get my 40 acres and a mule Josh: Wow.
I had no idea, Dre.
Hey, I want to be onboard with Juneteenth.
I really do, but y-you have to admit it's a confusing thing to celebrate.
I mean, do I get you a card? - Do you get me a card? - Stevens: I don't know, Dre.
It seems like a straight-up conflict with Father's Day.
[Scoffs] In our community? [Chuckles] Eh, okay.
And June is the beginning of wedding season.
In our community? - [Chuckles] Eh, okay.
- Dre: I'm only hearing excuses.
This is what America always does.
We think if we don't acknowledge something awful, it didn't happen.
Sure, Columbus' men cut the hands off of people and made them wear them around their neck, but no, let's not talk about that because that happened so long ago.
Stevens: Wow, Dre, you are all over the place.
Aloe Blacc: He's right.
I mean, you got me over here drawing logos, singing songs, posting facts about slavery from my personal Instagram.
- Wh - Where are you going with this here? I mean, what do you want? What What do I want? It What do I want? You know what? I'm tired of wasting my breath on y'all.
I'm out.
Dre's right.
You guys' behavior is unacceptable.
I'm out, too.
And not just because I have a 3:00 flight to Oakland for an "Electric Slide" convention.
Stevens: Aloe, I've been meaning to tell you, uh, I-I love your song "I'm Happy.
" Josh: Oh, no, that's - that's - Hmm? You know, I even know this.
That's the other guy.
Here's an invitation for our school talent show.
- Ooh! - It's for you.
- Alone.
- Rainbow: Huh? - No guests.
- Do not bring your husband.
Uh Okay, guys, guys, your dad deserves a second chance.
Maybe he will behave.
You don't really believe that.
- I don't.
- That's what we thought.
[Door closes] I just have to say it, though.
What's wrong with you, son? You look like somebody stole your lunch money.
Dre: Come on, Pops.
Not now.
I just realized how much people don't like us.
Oh! You just now realizing that? You know those guys at the office would rather work than celebrate Juneteenth? Juneteenth? Dre, when did Juneteenth become important to you? You don't even celebrate Kwanzaa.
That's because they make us feel like it's wack.
They make us feel like all of our stuff is wack.
Kwanzaa is wack! I know the guy who invented Kwanzaa.
Owes me $35.
Pops, think about it.
Kwanzaa is no crazier than Christmas.
What's that you say about Christmas? Okay, look, I will admit this Juneteenth thing started out as a rant, but it got me thinking.
As much as I love the 4th of July, shouldn't the real Independence Day be the day that everybody was free? Pops: [Chuckling] Oh! You trying to take away their illegal fireworks and a four-day weekend? You must be trying to start a race war, son.
I'm just saying I'm tired of justifying our stuff.
Irish people They don't beg us to celebrate St.
Patrick's Day.
Well, Dre, that's because leprechauns and green beer are fun.
Slavery isn't easy to talk about.
I mean, it makes people uncomfortable.
Mm, white people hate being uncomfortable.
That's why they invented those Rockports.
[Laughing] You know, them shoes.
We do so much already to make them feel comfortable.
We change the way we talk.
We straighten our hair.
- We watch "Portlandia.
" - Ooh.
- I love that show.
- Yeah.
We do everything we can do to turn down our blackness.
Well, we're never gonna not have to do that, son.
Look, people are never gonna celebrate something they barely even want to admit happened.
Look, I get that, but at least can we have one day where the country acknowledged it? It would feel like I don't know, an apology.
- Wow, can you imagine that? - Oh, hell, no.
Instead of waiting for an apology, why don't we just do something? I mean, if we want to honor the end of slavery, then we should celebrate Juneteenth.
Zoey: Wait, that's what Juneteenth is.
We don't celebrate the end of slavery, but you wake us up early on Cyber Monday? - [Zoey scoffs] - You are a bad black person.
You know what? Not anymore.
From now on, - we will be black out loud.
- Rainbow: Oh! Our whole family will celebrate Juneteenth.
- Ruby: All right.
- Boom! I know where to buy strawberry soda.
And I make a mean red-velvet cake! I'll fire up the grill.
That loud and black enough for you? - Yeah.
- I'll hang up my stocking.
Oh, buddy.
- Mm.
- What? Oh Oh So we were a little late this year, but the Johnson family finally celebrated Juneteenth.
And as much as I want it to catch on, maybe all we can do is try to heal ourselves.
Oh, yeah So when America's finally ready to truly apologize, hopefully we'll be ready to forgive them.
Oh Oh Oh Pops: In 2009, Congress actually did apologize for slavery, but with the following caveat.
"Disclaimer Nothing in this resolution, (A), authorizes or supports any claim against the United States, or, (B), serves as a settlement of any claim against the United States.