Black-ish (2014) s06e04 Episode Script

When I Grow Up (to Be a Man)

1 A father can make all the difference in his son's life.
His presence, love, and dedication can mean all the difference when it comes to a child succeeding or failing.
If my dad had been there supporting my football dreams, there's no telling where I'd be today.
I think the Rams have a real good chance to win the title this year.
That's your problem right there, Chip.
First, the Rams' defensive line isn't gonna last all season, and second, they ain't got no ground game! - Ground game? - ‭Yes, ground game! You're worried about their ground game?! - Huh? I can't hear you! - They held the Patriots to 13 points! - I can't hear you, Chip! - Since when So it was important for me to do everything I could to make sure Jack reached his full potential.
Again! Come on, man.
Hey, guys, we're gonna be a while.
Find another way out of poverty.
Oh, man, come on.
Seriously? Touch the line, son.
Faster! Finish strong! Finish strong! All right! Good hustle, son! Good hustle.
Why are you thirsty? You've barely moved.
My throat's dry from all the yelling.
Looks like you still got some energy to burn.
Come on.
More suicides.
Go! Come on.
That's it.
With all of our hard work, my coaching, and Jack's natural talent, nothing was going to stop us.
Oh, there he is.
Ha-ha! From Sherman Oaks, at Point Guard, Jack Johnson! I got cut.
What? - Oh.
- Oh, damn.
- Oh.
- What? - Well, damn.
- What? Jack got cut? Yeah.
Big-time.
Just like sports to teach these young people life is not fair.
Man, is that true.
You guys remember when I got cut from the field hockey team junior year? Really? No one? Mom, you took me on a mother-son trip to Napa to make me feel better? - Oh.
Oh, is that what that trip was for? - Yeah.
I thought that trip was for when you accidentally wore Zoey's top to school.
- Mm.
That was Ojai.
- Oh.
I needed a lot of cheering up during high school.
Yeah, you did.
We saw a lot of California together, me and you.
- So much.
- Okay, so what happened at tryouts? It was terrible for Jack.
Personally, I found it delightful.
- Here.
- What? Everything started out great but then it all fell apart.
Ooh.
Gotta watch out there, little buddy.
- Oh! - Ooh! Come on, guys, we can't act all that surprised that he got cut.
I mean, Valley Glen Prep has a monster basketball program, and let's face it, Jack is, uh you know, he's he's small for his age.
Jack is not small.
I was his size when I was 9.
Um Jack is 13.
Damn, he's doomed.
But don't feel bad.
Being taller than your son is a blessing.
- It's the natural order of things.
- Yep! I lost a lot of respect for you when Junior got taller than you.
He's not taller than me.
- Aw, buddy.
- What? Diane, you got any more video of Jack getting freight-trained? I do not, but I do have one of a chase down block that was magnifique.
- Well, let's check it out.
- I'll just show you.
All right, okay, look, Jack may be undersized for his team now, but he is due a growth spurt.
Maybe we're not giving him enough milk.
This doesn't have anything to do with milk.
The hell it doesn't.
He'd be dunking if all of your milk wasn't made from nuts.
- You're insane.
- What? Our son is hurting, and do you know what he needs right now? His mother.
What he needs is a spot on the team.
The wrong kid got the height.
W-What was that? Sorry, couldn't really hear you from all the way up here.
I'm really sorry you didn't make the team.
Do you want to talk about it? No, I'm good.
Okay.
We don't need to talk about it.
I can just sit here.
Y-You know Yes, sweetie? I think I just want to be alone.
Of course.
Yeah.
And even if I'm not here, I'm here.
Thanks, Mom.
Okay, sweetie.
I'm so much better at this than Dre.
I felt like my son got a raw deal with the basketball team, so I called notorious basketball dad LaVar Ball.
It's all he cares about.
All right, ever since he was a toddler, he's had a basketball in his hand.
He wants it that bad.
You know what it's like when your son loses, right? Oh, I don't! Big Baller never lost.
We started our own basketball league.
We got our own signature shoe.
I don't know what you talking about.
Yeah.
I guess you wouldn't.
Look, if you want my advice, there's nothing you can do to make him grow.
Unless you want to rename him LaVar.
Then he could be 10 feet tall, could do nothing but ball.
Bye-bye.
LaVar? This was not helpful at all.
Whatever.
Hey, Dre.
Were you talking about Jack to your to your cousin there? He's not my cousin.
And how did you know we were talking about Jack? Well, we heard your cousin say you can't make him grow, so that sort of gave it away.
Don't listen to them, Dre.
Jack's pretty tall for 6.
He's 13.
All right.
Black don't crack, do it? I know Jack is short for his age, all right? But that's no big deal, okay? You know, a growth spurt is coming.
Ehhhh.
Yeah.
Uhh.
- What? - Nothing, nothing.
It's It's just how tall do you want Jack to be? You know, 6', 6'1".
- 6'1".
- That's funny.
That'll never happen, and it's a damn shame because tall people get all the breaks.
Picked first for basketball, last for Vietnam.
Think about it, Dre.
A tall man in a suit looks like he should be going to a board meeting, but a short man in a suit, oh, he looks like he should be sitting on another man's lap with a hand up his ass.
- What? - He's got a point, Dre.
You know, the only reason my cousin agreed to go to prom with me is because I was taller than my other cousin.
- What? - What? I'm from a small town, guys.
It can't be that small.
Look, Dre, your son won't just be behind socially.
How many short presidents and CEOs have there been? Even this job demands height.
I am so glad to meet you.
I just Oh, wow! The position has been filled, actually, I'm so sorry, by, um by that guy.
Come on in, Stretch.
You're hired.
So sorry.
Have you seen "Ant-Man"? It's so good.
Not hiring short people is one of the few discriminations that I am still legally allowed, so it's pretty precious to me.
Hey, Dre, that's not the worst of it.
Really? Short men are the only people who respect me.
Oh, my God.
Jack is screwed.
And to think, this whole time, you were worried how the world would treat your son because he's Black, but it turns out being short is gonna destroy him.
Hilarious.
I had to do something to help Jack.
Luckily, a little research led me to a solution for all of his problems.
Son, um, can I talk to you for a second? Not now, Dad.
I'm gonna try and eat this whole can in three bites.
The trick to pulling it off is to not care about anything.
Son, what if I told you I found something that can get you back on the basketball team? All right, look, it's a drug.
It's called human growth hormone.
FDA-approved.
It works, all right? It can make you tall.
- Wait, what? - Yes! I'm gonna make our dreams come true! Oh, thanks, Dad! Hey.
Oh, my God.
I'm so glad to see that you're feeling better.
I am, 'cause I'm gonna be tall! Dad's gonna give me drugs.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.
I am so much better at this than you.
- Mwah.
- Okay.
- Aha.
- No, I No.
- Dre, get back in here.
- Can never do nothing! Dre, you've had some really bad ideas, but giving Jack the human growth hormone? That's up there with you wanting to open a pizza shop that only serves the crust.
Hey, Curly's Crusty Cave could still be a reality.
We just need the permits.
[Bleep.]
this city.
How could you talk to Jack without consulting me? - Bow, you're a doctor.
- Eh How are you gonna be upset with me for trying to fix something with medical science? 'Cause you don't know anything about medical science.
You act as if I haven't researched this.
"How to make small boys big?" - Jack is a normal, healthy boy.
- Mm-hmm.
And I'm not giving him drugs just 'cause he didn't make the basketball team.
Okay, it's not just about basketball, Bow.
It's about his whole life.
It could be harder if he doesn't get taller.
Maybe it will, maybe it won't.
I used to be friends with this kid.
We called him Lil Tiny Man.
Stood 5'4" in his shoes.
Now, all the big kids used to pick on him all the time.
- See? - But it made him tougher.
See, by the time we graduated high school, he had everybody's respect.
See? Happy ending.
Oh, no! No, no.
To earn their respect, he had to fight damn near the whole neighborhood.
- Oh.
Mm.
- Okay, well Got himself sent to jail.
Now he's dead.
- You hear that, Bow? - Yes.
Huh? If you don't write him a prescription, he is going to die! - In jail! - Okay.
Not in his sleep! I'm not writing the prescription, Dre.
And we have no idea what the side effects are for a medication like this.
What side effects? Side effects may include joint pain The Valley Glen team trainer's gonna make sure my joints are A-OK.
acne Okay, that was going to happen anyway.
and increased risk of diabetes? I'm not scared of a few shots.
Oh.
Okay, well, that's good because the growth hormone is administered with a needle.
How many needles? Oh, just one That's not bad.
a day for three years.
Oh, not there.
Stomach.
Worth it.
He's not done growing.
We have no idea how tall Jack is gonna get, and being short is not a medical condition.
Okay, well, tell that to every woman who won't date a short man.
- Which is every woman.
- Mm-hmm.
No, it's not.
Have you ever dated a short man? Maybe I have a preference.
- A preference? - Yeah.
Oh, no, you have a bias.
Admit it.
I am not biased.
Yes, you are.
Admit it.
I am right, and you are a terrible person.
You are bigoted against short men.
Admit it.
I am not bigoted.
I married a short man.
Aah! So, the listing says it's a growth hormone meant for sheep, but it should work for humans.
How fast can it get here? Okay, so I'm ordering from Malta and express shipping.
It should be here in four days.
And the site we're on just got seized by the FBI.
What? They should be investigating aliens, not shutting down the legitimate purchase of tall pills.
Jack, buddy, I know this means a lot to you, but being tall is not worth all this.
Easy for you to say, Mr.
6'2".
I'm 6'3".
But just because you're short, that doesn't mean that your life is gonna suck.
Just look at Kevin Hart, Prince, Bruno Mars, Martin Scorsese, Isaac Newton.
They're all short men who did incredible things.
They also worked really hard.
Jack, are you gonna do that? No, I need the drugs.
No, you don't.
Junior, I appreciate your concern, but you need to let me walk my own path.
Just imagine the things I can do if I just took the drugs.
That's right.
I'm the damn commissioner.
You all saw this coming.
And now, with the first pick in the NBA Draft, the New York Knicks select Power Forward Jack Johnson.
I would like to demand a trade.
Yeah, you gotta take the drugs.
See that? 6'1".
You're not 6'1".
The tape measure doesn't lie, all right? I'm not short.
I'm 6'1".
Give me the tape measure.
And let me, uh, put a C-note on the under.
Fine, I'm not 6'1", and neither is Jack, but if there's something that will make it easier for our son, why don't we do it? Aren't you the one that always said that struggle is what made you who you are today? Yes.
And aren't you the one who said that the kids need to face adversity so that they can be successful? So, you're just gonna use my actions and words against me? Look, Jack is gonna face challenges, but he's got us.
We're here to help him through.
Yeah, one thing you can't help him with, and that's a prison fight.
Rest In Power, Lil Tiny Man.
Okay, you're gonna k Okay, so, you're right, all right? We will not give Jack drugs.
- Thank you.
- Wait, what? You're not gonna let me take the drugs? You can't do that to me.
Son, all right, we talked about it, and we agreed you just don't need them.
No, you are perfect just the way you are.
No, I want to be tall.
- Come here.
Come here.
- No, stop it.
I'm not a little kid.
I'm old enough to take drugs.
Ugh.
I feel terrible.
I should have never gotten his hopes up.
You guys told Jack he can't take growth hormone? Mm-hmm.
And I thought I was the cruel one in this family.
We're not here to break his spirit.
We We did what we had to do.
And there's nothing wrong with how tall he is.
This isn't just about his height.
So many of his friends are on the basketball team.
Practices, road games, he's gonna miss all of it.
Of course.
No wonder he's so upset.
I didn't even think about that.
We should go upstairs and talk to him.
Upstairs? He's gone.
He probably went to the park.
You guys really need to tighten up the parenting around here.
Neither of you guys are good at this.
- Let's go.
- Okay.
Put it down! Good shot, son.
Thanks.
Can we talk to you for a sec? Hey.
I was wrong for letting you think that taking drugs would get you your life back, because they won't.
But what will is hard work.
Michael Jordan got cut from his high school team.
Just because you're the smallest person on the court doesn't mean that you can't be the baddest.
And if that means me and you getting up at 5:00 a.
m.
to put up jumpers, then that's what we're gonna do.
There are plenty of smaller players who've gone on to play at the highest level.
Son, you can do that, too.
What do you say? No.
What? You don't mean that, sweetheart.
Yes, I do.
Who are we kidding? Even if I got a little taller, it wouldn't make a difference.
The way those kids played at tryouts, they're my age and they're dunking.
When they throw a pass, it whistles.
I can't compete at that level anymore.
- Son, competition is - No, Dad.
Basketball's over for me.
Okay.
Hey, what are you doing, Pops? Well, I figured since Jack is giving up basketball, you won't be needing these anymore.
Uh Come on.
There you go.
Deflated, just like your son's dreams.
- That's not funny, Pops.
- No.
It's hard to watch your kid's dreams die.
I never thought Jack would - give up basketball.
- No.
I mean, I-I never saw him going to the NBA, but I-I still thought he had time to just enjoy it.
It's just so abrupt.
It's like he's like he's going through a breakup.
- Yeah, it's more like he's been dumped.
- Hmm.
I remember the day your dream died, Dre.
Remember when that man told you at the mall that you couldn't sing? Aw.
The talent scout at the mall told me I couldn't dance.
Oh.
The man at Motown said I couldn't sing.
And that wasn't the end of the world, was it? No.
You moved forward, you found something else you loved.
I know, it's sad, but it's just a part of growing up.
Ugh.
I guess you're right.
Same thing happened to me.
When I didn't make the play in high school, oh, my heart was so broken, but then it sparked my interest in modern dance.
Then when that didn't work out, I picked up the violin.
Yeah.
But that was a dead end.
And then I took to the potter's wheel.
Okay, Bow, when did you fall in love with medicine? That was after my crocheting phase.
Took me a while.
Don't worry.
- Jack will find his thing.
- Yeah.
Speaking from personal experience, - I hope it's not poetry.
- Huh.
This fool was rhyming "sandwich" with "Manwich," like they're not the same thing.
Eh They're not the same.
Anyway.
Look, if you bothered to read the entire poem, you would see that it was about apartheid! The bread is society, and the sauce is the injustice! I can never do nothing! Hey, if you want, I'm pretty sure I can poison the coach and most of the team.
How's that sound, buddy? A little poison? Just a little poison for the team? No, thanks.
Don't feel bad, man.
You just got caught up in our quick-fix society.
You struggling in school? There's a pill for that.
You feeling sad? There's a pill for that.
Having trouble growing your mustache? There's a pill for that.
Okay, it's a cream.
And for the record, it doesn't even work.
Hey, guys.
We need to talk to Jack for a second.
Okay.
Don't forget, Jack If you want revenge, there's a pill for that, too.
- What? - Oh.
All right.
If you guys are up here to make me feel better, it's not gonna happen.
We understand that we can't make you feel better, but we know what you're going through.
Yeah.
We've lost dreams, too.
- Mm-hmm.
- And it hurts, right? Yeah, it sucks.
Yeah.
Hold on to that.
What? Use that pain to fuel your next dream.
And you're gonna figure out what the next thing is.
I mean, maybe maybe it's art.
Could be.
Or maybe it's science.
Or running.
Oh.
You quick.
And once you figure it out, go all in.
You know, it's weird.
I've been into basketball for so long, I've I've never had the chance to think about what else I'm into.
- Yeah.
And we'll help you, too.
- Mm-hmm.
Thanks, Mom.
Thanks, Dad.
- All right.
- All right, sweetie.
Hey, let's go downstairs, get something to eat, and let's talk about this.
Okay.
Hey, I-I-I really love cooking.
Maybe I could be a chef.
Hey.
There you go.
And drawing's pretty cool.
I could be a comic book artist.
- Yes, you totally could.
- Oh.
Mm-hmm.
And I've always loved swords.
Absolutely no swords.
- What? - No No swor We We can look into s-swords.
- Thank you.
- Yep.
Um Look here, if you want to be a sword guy, you can be the best damn sword guy the world's ever seen.
Is there an NBA for swords? I don't know.
If there isn't, we'll start one.
I hear LaVar Ball is always looking for new opportunities.
So, what do you think? Is poetry something you might want to do? Uh, I don't know.
These poems are kind of offensive.
What? Why? Well, I-I think most of them are about butts.
Mm.
But the worst is the one that compares the struggle of apartheid in South Africa to a sloppy joe.
Son, the bread is society, and the sauce is injustice.
How can you not see that? So, is the hamburger meat White people or Black people? You don't get poetry.
Find your own damn thing.