Black-ish (2014) s06e09 Episode Script

University of Dre

My son is quite the character.
He chose to go directly into the workforce, but what he wound up doing, you wouldn't call it a career.
Yeah! What's up, guys? Klay Thompson! All right! And with all his various jobs, he's had varying degrees of success.
Hey! Stop! Through it all, Junior's been making his way, learning the lessons that hopefully lead to what he'll do for the rest of his life.
Hey, guys.
I figured out what I am gonna do for the rest of my life.
- Okay.
- Ohh! I'm getting into comedy! Or maybe he hasn't learned anything.
06x09 - University of Dre Comedy? Amazing! - Yup.
- Mm! And I'm gonna produce a show for unknown comics.
- Mm! - Unknown? Amazing! Yeah.
And we're gonna be using non-traditional venues, like empty swimming pools, karate dojos, parking lots.
And the best part is, anyone can come.
- Ohh.
- You hear that, Bow? - Huh? - No quality control.
- Hmm.
- Amazing! I'm putting on a show tomorrow night, and I'd love if you guys could come.
- Well Yes.
- Of course! Yes! We would do anything to support you.
Thank you, guys.
But make sure that you get there early, because I hear tickets are gonna sell out.
They're not gonna sell out.
They're free.
Right? Mwah.
So proud of you, sweetie.
- Thanks, Mom.
- So proud of you, son! What is up with that kid? "Parking lot comedy"? It's like he's just pulling words out of a hat! This is Migos all over again.
There's no future in this.
It ain't real.
None of it's been real.
But, Dre, we have to be patient with him.
Yeah, I know.
But I would've figured it out by now.
Do you know what I could have done with us as parents? At least been a high-ranking deacon in a mega-church.
They make bank, Bow.
I mean, private planes, Chardonnay, shrimp.
Junior ain't got no shrimp.
Can I get an amen? Are you done?! Uh - Yeah.
I think I am.
- Okay.
We said we would have his back, all right? So, we are gonna go to the comedy show.
- Why? - And then, we are gonna sneak out when he's not looking.
and on the way home, I'm-a get you some Chardonnay and some shrimps.
Can you also call me "Reverend Johnson"? Will you finally call me "Dr.
Johnson"? You know I just can't give you that.
What? Look at God.
Emily's slumber party got canceled.
She's saying her house is getting fumigated, but we all know her dad cheated on her mom.
Perfect timing, Mr.
Copeland, because I did not want to go.
What do you mean you didn't want to go? Diane, sleepovers are the most magical time in a kid's life.
Um, what's magical about getting four hours of garbage sleep on a stranger's floor? Okay.
Sleepovers are so much more than that.
I loved them as a kid.
I have an idea.
Why don't you have the sleepover at our house? School is where you plant the seeds of friendship.
Sleepovers Sleepovers are where those friendships blossom.
Your future best friends are gonna be made while you're watching scary movies and braiding each other's hair and telling each other your deepest secrets.
Since it'll make you happy, I'll do it.
But only if you stop doing that weird dance.
- Okay.
- So sorry.
Sleepover! Mom! All right.
American Express is relaunching the Green Card.
Oh, the O.
! Okay, you can just say "original.
" - Copy that.
- All right? And if we get their account, they want to focus on advertising to millennials.
Now, I say we pitch them a campaign that showcases their Green Card as a milestone for growing up.
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
Like, when you go from crashing on your buddy's couch to having your own place.
Like we all have definitely done.
Or when you take that step from having a job to having a career.
With the Green Card, you can start living your life express.
- Wow.
- Ooh! Outstanding, Dre.
That is the best idea you've had all year.
And, uh I'm not just saying that 'cause I accidentally called you "Charlie" yesterday.
Oh, I'm not offended.
Mistaken identity is how I got into the Soho House.
I've got a long history with American Express.
When I bought my fish fry truck, American Express was there.
When I couldn't pay my fish guy, American Express was there.
When the fish oil got too hot and I hit a pothole and my truck burst into flames, guess who was there.
- American Express.
- Nnh-nnh-nnh.
I blacked out due to smoke inhalation.
Listen, this American Express account is very important for Stevens & Lido and also to me personally, because I recently started gambling, and it turns out, I'm terrible at it.
So let's celebrate.
Martinis at the club on me.
Come on.
Hey, hey.
I can't tonight, all right? I'm being forced to support my son's comedy show.
It's his latest career left turn.
I was so much more focused at his age.
It's true, Dre.
The day that you stopped slinging rocks on the street corner and got into the world of advertising was the day that probably saved your life.
I never sold drugs.
Is that what "slinging rocks" meant? I thought I thought "rocks" were basketballs, no? Okay, look, I don't have high expectations for tonight.
Until Junior does something impressive, I'm just gonna go along for the ride you know, sip on a low-alcoholic Mexican beer and sit back and wonder why all those comics hate their parents.
After all, how could Junior's show be any more lame than he'd been? Wow.
Junior totally transformed this butcher shop.
Oh, my God! Look at the lights, Dre! Look at the people! I know.
Is our son impressive? Oh, Bow.
You will always be that simple, simple girl from the commune, won't you? Those are twinkle lights, all right? He strung up 1999 around the room.
All right, I don't get any of this.
This is not for me.
Not for you? Baby, this is you.
What are you talking about? Oh, I remember a young boy with child-bearing hips and dreams big enough to fill an empty warehouse.
You came back from Howard with the idea you could bring go-go music from D.
to L.
You couldn't.
It was the worst thing to happen to this city in 1992.
And, yeah, I know what else happened that year.
Dre, you've got to see it.
- See what? - You will always be that simple, simple boy from Compton, Dre.
- Come on.
- Really? Junior is following in your footsteps.
- Mm-hmm.
- He got into Howard.
- Okay.
- He worked at Stevens & Lido.
And you both hate small talk from baristas.
And how is your day going? - Venti.
- Venti.
He's turning into you.
On purpose.
Was Bow right? Did my son want to be like me? Was my son just trying to re-create his father's glory, like Jesus or something? Nice sweater.
- Thank you.
- Oh, thank you.
Great Andres think alike, right? They do son.
My son wanted to be just like me and I didn't hate it.
Ooh, ooh! Hello, Junior.
- Dad.
- You know, um Son, I just wanted to say you weren't running away from college when you dropped out of Howard.
You You were running to me.
I was? Yes.
Think about it.
All right? You are on a trail that I blazed for you.
All right? You are doing exactly what I did when I was your age.
I guess I am.
And maybe the reason you've been so hard on me is because you actually don't like yourself.
Oh, no.
I love me some me.
- Oh, okay.
- All right? But you you are my true heir.
And it's time for me to school you.
The University of Dre.
Integrity perseverance dopeness.
We take boys and turn them into men.
We take men and turn them into Dre.
Do you have what it takes? University of Dre.
Do you have what it takes? Yeah! I am committed to doing whatever it takes to help you get to where I am.
Well, I've got another show tomorrow night, if you're fr - Uh, shh.
- free.
Don't say another word.
I'm there.
We're there.
The next night, we went to Junior's show.
I was ready to step in and make it the best it could be.
But Junior was already killing it.
It caught me off-guard.
But to these people, he wasn't my son.
He was his own man.
And that man was cool as hell.
What's up? You guys look cool enough to know where the coatcheck is.
Charlie, it's me and Junior.
Oh, snap! It is y'all! Where's the coatcheck, though? Eh Back home, Bow and Diane were trying to make slumber party magic.
Hello, ladies! Hi! I made you some cookies, and I brought some napkins, because we are generally not a house that eats food upstairs.
But it's a special occasion, so, you know, made an exception.
Hey, Diane, can I talk to you for a sec? - Yeah.
- Okay.
We'll be right back.
Have fun.
How's it going? Oh.
Pretty good.
Everyone dug the pizza.
And it turns out Emily loves murder podcasts, too.
- Ohh! - Mm-hmm.
And we've been talking a lot of smack about Jhene Irwin.
I'm so excited, 'cause this is the best night ever.
- Is it? Okay.
- Come here.
The best night ever.
Oh, God! This is so great.
Oh, my God.
I'm so proud of you.
Go in there.
Go in there, Go, go! All right, guys, Have fun.
Have fun! Bye! So, you want to crack open the Ouija board or braid some hair? Is your mom really gone? Yeah.
I'm out.
Wait, what? I'm sneaking out to meet my boyfriend.
His dad works for Red Bull.
He's met Rob Dyrdek.
Later, losers! So Jhene Irwin the worst.
Right? Hey, man.
The crowd's getting a little restless.
We should do something.
My opener is stuck in traffic.
Okay, well, you know you got to do something.
You want me to get on stage and do 10? Nah.
'Cause I only got five.
Plus, the Shannon Sharpe impersonation it is slightly racist.
- Ooh! I got it.
- Hmm? We'll raffle off a free brisket for everybody who signs up for the e-mail list.
You go get the brisket, and I'll start the e-mail list.
- Gotcha.
- Okay.
Father and son working together.
Got to say, it felt nice.
How is she asleep? It's not even 9:00.
My grandma's wig is still on.
- You know what? - Hmm? We should prank her.
Yes! We should burn her clothes in the backyard.
I was thinking we just put her hand in water you know, so she pees her sleeping bag.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's that's cool, too.
This is going to be hilarious.
Yeah, and in 20 years, when I text you an emoji of a glass of water, we'll both remember this exact moment, when we became best friends.
What are you guys up to? Standard sleepover stuff.
Going to humiliate a classmate, sacrifice the one for the friendship of the two.
Right, Savannah? Savannah? All right.
Well, have fun.
Oh, my gosh.
Does he live here? Yes.
He's my twin brother.
That's so weird.
He's so weird.
Am I being weird? Yes.
What are you doing? Liking all of Jack's photos on Instagram.
You understand me? That's what it's like being Jamaican.
Son, he's funny.
Yeah, he's a big get.
He got fired from "SNL" and "Kimmel.
" Hey, Junior? I'm Jasmine Smith.
I run the Dynasty Typewriter.
I love your room.
You guys put on some of the best comedy shows.
Well, we actually need someone to run our venue during the week, so if you're available, we should talk.
Thank you.
I'll definitely give you a call.
Dad, did you just see that? We took the show to the next level, and I got a job offer.
Well, when you put on a great show, people take notice.
If I go to work with Dynasty Typewriter, that could open so many doors.
I'd be meeting the best comedians, maybe take the show on the road and find new talent and bring it to the masses.
Well yeah.
That That's one possible future.
No, no, no.
I think I found my thing.
I-I-I got to go call Mom.
My son's big night ended in a huge opportunity.
So, why did it feel like I had been punched in the gut? Grandma, you are not gonna believe it.
I got an offer to run Dynasty Typewriter! Ohhh! That's great, baby! Hey.
Is it great? 'Cause I have no idea what any of those words meant.
It is.
I'm happy for him.
Oh, really? Then why do you sound like you did when I told you I shot your daddy? Damn, Mama.
Yeah, what's wrong? No, I am really happy for Junior, but part of me doesn't want him to take it.
You know, I-I only just found out he was on my path, and I'm not ready for him to leave just yet.
We had a whole thing going.
We were connecting.
And maybe I'm selfish, but I like this new era of Dre and Junior.
- But this is Junior's life.
- Yes.
Now, you got to make all of your decisions on your own, didn't you? Well, now it's his turn.
He gets to choose.
Okay? Now, if you'll excuse me I met a man at Junior's comedy show, and we exchanged some innuendos.
He put me in his phone as "Lady Sausage," so we're off to a good start.
Oh, yeah! Mama was right.
I couldn't make Junior's choice for him, but I could give him another option.
I haven't seen the Pros and Cons Board since you were deciding whether or not to grow a Mohawk.
T left a void.
You know, this Dynasty Typewriter thing I-I don't know.
I like working for myself, but there are a lot of reasons to take this job.
Well, I'm not gonna make your decision any easier, son.
I think you should come work with me at Stevens & Lido.
You know, we're starting this American Express campaign geared towards millennials, and clearly, you know exactly what they want.
Really? I talked to Jasmine, and she offered me creative control, benefits, and I'd be making twice what I am now.
- Ooh.
- So We can't offer you any of that.
But we can offer you a parking space.
On days you drive to work with me.
Dad where's this coming from? Well, Junior I like working with you.
I want this to keep going and take your career to the next level at the same time.
I don't know.
I've got to think about it.
You think about it.
You know, it's, uh It's your choice to make.
I get it.
You know, I'm just gonna go in the house and look at some of these, uh old baby pictures of you in particular, the ones from the day you were born.
Did you know, uh, I cut your umbilical cord with these hands? Ah.
Don't worry about that.
You're really good at this.
I'm good at pretty much everything I try.
My mom says I'm like an ant, 'cause I can lift more than my own body weight.
Want to see me do push-ups? Yes, please.
How's it going? I thought you said I was gonna make best friends.
Oh, no.
But Savannah is obsessed with Jack, Sophie needs a CPAP machine, and Emily's Never mind about Emily.
This whole night has been a bust.
Oh, Diane, I'm so sorry.
But the important thing is, you put yourself out there when you didn't want to.
Taking a risk like that oh, it'll pay off.
I promise.
- Thanks, Mom.
- You're welcome.
I really do appreciate you trying, but I think I'm just gonna hold this L and go to bed.
What? No! Sweetheart, don't lose faith in the sleepover.
These girls are duds.
And we're gonna get a whole new crop, and we're gonna run it back! Sleepovers! This is the worst sleepover ever.
I've been to worse.
What?! I thought you were asleep! I was pretending to be asleep so I could prank everybody.
Wait, you pretended to be asleep for hours? That's totally something I would do.
- Really? - Yeah.
I'll lie in wait for days, like a snake, and then I strike.
That's so cool.
Thank you.
Oh, and your fake snore is top-notch.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
Want to go tell Savannah that Jack still wets the bed? Yes.
Yes, I do.
- Hey, Dad, Dad.
- Yeah? You know after we talked last night, I walked away knowing that my future is with Stevens & Lido.
That's great, son.
But then I re-read the e-mail from Jasmine and was reminded that I'd be getting a percentage of the door.
- Oh.
- So I went to bed knowing that this was gonna be a really difficult conversation.
But then, I thought to myself, "Hmm.
Maybe if this is so hard, am I making the wrong decision?" - Uh-huh? - So I changed my mind and realized that my passion is with advertising.
- Okay.
- But then I had a dream.
I take back the offer.
Wait, no! Dad, Dad, wait.
What? I'm gonna go with you.
I feel like we work really well together, and I want to see where this goes.
Me too, son.
'Cause I don't think I'm ready to step off your path just yet.
It's It's not just my path anymore.
It's our path.
If I hold my arms out to hug you, will you let me? Only one way to find out.
- Dad? - Yep? This was in my dream.
Mine, too.
Come on! Go-go with it! People paid money for this? I want to throw a bottle at Dad.
This song has been on for 45 minutes.
It's been eight songs.
They just all sound the same, baby.
I'm starting to rethink my path.
Hot mess.
Let's go.
Come on.
Ow! Babe Whoo! My knees ain't what they used to be.
Oh, mine either, but keep going.
Ah! I can't.