Blood Drive (2017) s01e01 Episode Script
The F*cking Cop
1 [mysterious instrumental music.]
The executives assigned to this show decided to test it in Jersey.
As a result, they think you mouthbreathers are too stupid to understand my masterpiece.
So listen up, dum-dums, and let me set the stage.
The world is broken, no one has any food, oil costs 2,000 a barrel, and the only way out of this shitty life is a secret road race with a $10 million cash prize.
But there's a twist: all the cars run on human blood.
Welcome to "Blood Drive.
" [bird screeching.]
[rock music thumping on car stereo.]
[tires screeching.]
[music stops.]
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
- Nice ride.
- You should see the engine.
You want me to take a look? I am pretty handy.
Mm, I bet.
Come on.
You want to look under my hood, you got to buy me dinner first.
Maybe another time.
Hey.
Where are you going? I, um I'm late.
Got to make it to LA by sundown.
[engine turning over, engine revving.]
[tires squealing.]
- Maybe next time, dude.
- Let's go get her.
[suspenseful music.]
[rock music.]
[chuckles.]
Why'd you stop? I was having so much fun.
Out of gas.
Well, that's too bad.
I'm not.
Why don't you hop in, and, uh, I'll give you a ride to town.
- Yeah, no, thanks.
- Hey, man, let's not do this.
I wasted 500 bucks worth of gas chasing you through the desert, so don't be a bitch.
No one asked you to race, okay? Barry, she's right.
- Please don't.
- Dude, come on.
- Back off, Todd.
- Please, please, don't.
Please.
- Come on, man.
- Back up.
Stop.
Please.
Please don't.
Please.
Now, you just hold still, and this won't hurt a bit.
Funny, I was just about to say that.
[grunts.]
All right, hurry up, Barry.
[grunting.]
Fuck! What the fuck are you doing? [rock music.]
[grunting.]
Please please don't hurt me.
Sorry, pal.
Got to top off.
No! [tires squealing.]
[screaming.]
[indistinct chatter.]
Insert water container.
Unauthorized water ration.
Contra! [grunts.]
Reviewing footage.
Crimes consumption of stolen water, resisting arrest.
Punishment authorized, level three.
Aggravated assault, littering, possession of the drug Red Rapture, theft.
[siren wails.]
Whoo.
Thirsty, motherfucker? - Reviewing footage.
- Shut up.
They're gonna dock you for that.
Stole half a gallon.
That's a level eight.
If we don't ration the water, a lot more people die.
He's not worth saving, trust me.
Come on, man.
I don't want to die.
Jesus, they're shooting Red now.
You can't shoot the stuff.
Doesn't work that way.
Sir, what are those marks on your arm? Arthur, he's a junkie.
Those are track marks.
Heroin hasn't been around for years.
- Then he's selling plasma.
- To who? Hospitals don't have a lot of use for junkie blood.
I didn't do nothing, all right? I just wanted water.
Tell us what those marks are.
Come on, man.
They'll kill me if I tell you.
Look, I can help you, but you got to talk to me.
I don't know who they are, all right? They're not normal.
Put it in non-junkie terms for us.
No one knows who they are.
They bleed the rainbow.
[chuckles.]
He's too fried to makes sense.
This is pointless.
Try something else.
What the fuck are you doing? - Shit! Freeze! - [whirring.]
It's a warehouse on Perrino Street.
That's all I know.
[dramatic music.]
Approaching destination.
Arriving at destination.
[horn honking.]
[thud on roof of car.]
I want your eyeball.
[device beeping.]
[car horns honking.]
[telephone ringing.]
This is ContraCrime.
How can I help you? You're gonna catch hell when they find out - you let that junkie walk.
- Doesn't matter.
All I know is, when you work for Sergeant Gower, - you stick to the rules.
- I don't care what Gower wants.
Police went to shit when they sold out contracts to a private company.
Crime's down since we went private.
That's 'cause people are afraid.
Good.
Fear keeps them in line.
Man, you're starting to sound like one of those recruitment commercials.
Loading credits.
We used to be cops, remember? We still are.
We're still the good guys.
- Loading credits.
- Prove it.
Come help me investigate that warehouse tonight.
[chuckles.]
No way.
Squad's hitting up McGoldrick's tonight.
Gonna tie one on.
And that new officer's gonna be there.
You coming? Oh, I'm good.
You want to chase Bigfoot in your own time, fine.
But at least punch the clock, punch some faces, get drunk as hell.
That's what's expected of you.
Gower already doesn't like you.
Don't make it worse.
Hey, we make quota by Friday and drinks are on me.
[cheering.]
Hey, Saint Arthur What about you? Those are from both of us.
Must have collected these while your camera was off today.
Must have.
This is the only thing that will impress me.
Ten teeth by Friday or I'll have yours instead.
[chuckles.]
Told you.
Forget about the warehouse.
Come out with us tonight.
Remember that first heat wave the summer after the fracking quakes? The whole city was rioting.
I broke into a public storage unit trying to steal some food.
I got caught by a cop.
Nice.
I have a whole new respect for you.
Shut up for two seconds and listen.
That was the year they lowered the legal age to 13.
I could have been tried as an adult.
- So how'd you swing it? - I didn't do a thing.
He let me go.
He said he didn't want to see another kid hang.
Saved my life.
That's why you signed up for this shit job? That guy still on the force? No.
Every day we go out on patrol, we have a choice to make this city a better place or make a violent world more violent.
Damn it.
You gonna sit on your ass all night, or you gonna help me find this warehouse? Yes.
Let's go.
[dramatic music.]
[engine revving.]
What is that? [indistinct shouting.]
Bang, bang, bang You came to see the mobscene I know it isn't your scene It's better than a sex scene And it's so fucking obscene Obscene, yeah You want commitment? Put on your best suit, get your arms around me Now we're going down, down, down You want commitment? Put on your best suit, get your arms around me Now we're going ["La Marseillaise" playing.]
[woman singing in French.]
Allons enfants de la patrie Le jour de gloire est arrivé - Contre nous de la tyrannie - [cheering.]
L'étendard sanglant est levé L'étendard sanglant est levé [exhales sharply.]
Ladies and gentlemen, bastards and tramps, bloodsuckers, motherfuckers, road trash, and vamps to the queers and the strange in the crowd and on the stage to the violent, the malevolent, and those seeking a grave welcome home! [cheering.]
It's been a cold, dark year.
I'm so glad to see your grease-stained faces, your filthy smiles.
I am your host, Julian Slink, master of ceremonies, god of the stage.
Welcome to the meanest, nastiest, filthiest road race in the world - Blood Drive! - [cheering.]
[shouting indistinctly.]
Get your arms around me Now we're going down, down, down You want commitment? Put on your best suit, get your arms around me Now we're going down, down, down Ladies and gentlemen, be obscene.
Be obscene.
Be, be obscene.
Be obscene Be, be obscene - Be obscene - [screaming.]
Be obscene, be, be obscene Be obscene Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang What the fuck? [cheering.]
Get to the car.
Make the call code 88.
Tell them to send everyone.
There are way too many psychos in there.
You need to wait for backup.
How many more people will they kill while we wait? Make the call.
I got to get a better view.
Now, if the racers would please line up at the front of the stage [cheering.]
As some of you know, we had a few quitters last year.
- [audience boos.]
- I know, I know.
But forgive and forget.
All right, so we killed the sons of bitches.
- [crowd cheering.]
- No matter, no matter.
This year we have an incentive a state-of-the-art pulse charge implanted at the base of the skull.
A bit barbaric? Perhaps.
Shamefully pedantic? Without a doubt.
But by golly if it won't do the trick.
Anyone trying to remove the pulse charge instant brain jelly.
[cheering.]
If you're racing with a partner your charges are linked.
Get too far apart bye-bye, cranium.
Each day racers will be given a prescribed route.
But no matter where you are, I'll be watching And so will our private audience on closed-circuit TV.
Each day ends with another Mayhem Party at the finish line to celebrate the winners.
But whoever comes in last I'm sure you get the idea.
- It's fucking cop.
- [grunts.]
[screams.]
Hey, asshole, you dented my car.
Ma'am, stay calm.
Stand back.
I've got this under control.
[cheering.]
Looks like we've got an uninvited guest.
Take them.
Bring them both.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Hey! - Get off me! - Hey, hey, get off me! - Hey! Get off me! [cheering.]
Hey! We have a decision to make.
Is this guy friend or fuel? On the one hand, he works for ContraCrime the new breed of cop.
- crowd: Fuel! Fuel! Fuel! - No, no, no! Then again these two put on one hell of a show! crowd: Friend! Friend! Friend! Then again he might try to stop the race.
crowd: Fuel! Fuel! Fuel! Fuel! Fuel! Fuel! If the crowd grows restless, they get a bit stabby.
Best put on a show.
[cheering.]
Asshole.
I'll kill you! [groans.]
Link 'em up! Oh, no, no, no, no, hold on a minute.
We're not a team.
- You are now.
- [grunts.]
And the fans love her! [cheering.]
Freeze! Put your hands up now! Every single freak, on the ground with hands on your head.
[laughter.]
- Fuck you, cop.
- [groans.]
- Christopher! - Racers to your marks! Everyone else, see you at the rendezvous.
[cheering.]
Shit! Christopher, run! Chris, get out of here! [screams.]
Shut up, calm down, and do as I say.
[Skillet's "Back From the Dead".]
Light it up, light it up, now I'm burning Feel the rush, feel the rush of adrenaline We are young, we are strong, we will rise 'Cause I'm back, back, back from the dead tonight To the floor, to the floor, hit the red line Flying high, flying high at the speed of light Full of love, full of light, full of fight 'Cause I'm back, back, back from the dead tonight I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, back, back I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, back, back Pull over.
My partner's back there.
Just sit your ass down and shut up.
- Ma'am, I'm a cop.
- Yeah, a shitty one.
They'll never catch me, they'll never catch me I'm back, I'm back Shit.
I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, back, back Light it up, light it up, now I'm burning Feel the rush, feel the rush of adrenaline - Racer team violation.
- Who's the lame dick dumb enough to Oh, wonderful.
Flying high, flying high at the speed of light Full of love, full of light, full of fight, 'cause I'm back Pity.
[grunting.]
[grunting.]
[grunting.]
Get in! - [grunts.]
- You feel that? This is the lowest setting.
Now get in the car! Never break, never bow, never beg, not a doubt [grunts.]
The zombies come out at night They'll never catch me, they'll never catch me Racer team reunited.
I'm back, back, back from the dead tonight I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, back, back - Dead tonight - I'm back, I'm back Back from the dead tonight I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, back, back - Back from the dead tonight - [gasps.]
[breathing heavily.]
[door handle rattling.]
Child locks, dickweed.
Oh, and pull that shit again, and I will shoot you in the head, save us both some misery.
- I need to cut this thing out.
- Won't work.
I heard a rumor that adrenaline messes with them, but, God, if that's true, it would take a hell of a lot, considering who they're injecting.
- Then I need a phone.
- No way.
Lady, I was this close to arresting these sons of bitches, okay? I need to contact my precinct.
Oh, my God.
You have no clue, do you? You can't just arrest these people.
What the hell do you think just happened back there? I saw your friends grind up innocent people for fun.
Why would anyone use a car engine just to murder someone, Einstein? [engine revving.]
Those people were fuel? These cars run on human blood? - Bingo.
- [breathing heavily, gags.]
Dude, if you throw up in my car, I swear to God Why would anyone do that? Have you seen gas prices lately? Oh, come on.
The people that forced you to race, who are they? I wasn't forced.
What kind of sick person signs up for this? What Everyone has something to prove trying to claim that Primo title.
Isn't that how you found it? Oh, no.
I'm not like you.
I'm a cop.
I'm trying to help people.
Bullshit.
No one makes it to the Blood Drive without a little psycho behind the eyes, pal.
Miss look me in the eye and tell me you're really okay murdering people just to win a title.
I don't give a shit about being the Primo.
But I do care about the $10 million.
That's enough to get my sister the help that she needs and set us up for life.
And no one's gonna get in the way of that happening.
So buckle up, pal, 'cause the last one to this party tonight is a dead man.
And so long as you have that bomb implanted in your neck, you're no longer a cop.
You're just another racer and we're stuck with each other.
Then we have a problem, 'cause as long as I'm here, no one's going in your engine, and that's a promise.
Yeah, well we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it, shall we? [creepy rock music.]
You have reached your water limit.
- Please step out of the shower.
- [sighs.]
You got to be kidding me.
Thanks.
Whoa, Sarge, what are you doing? Until we figure out what the hell happened, you're on forced leave.
Fuck that, Sarge.
Are you shitting me? - I read the report.
- You heard what happened.
At 0600, we approached blah, blah, blah, blah, "I hit my head and can't remember the rest.
" Sign it before ContraCrime decides to fire you or sue you or break every bone in your face.
That's not what happened.
The day I let one of my officers write "vampire car" in their report is the same day I let you suck my dick.
Now get dressed, go home, get drunk.
Internal Affairs will interview you tomorrow.
No way.
The docs cleared me.
I'm going back out there.
- Those freaks have my partner.
- We will find Saint Arthur.
But until ContraCrime clears you, sit on your ass.
Bullshit.
You know I'm supposed to report you for that.
Great.
Anyone else want to see my dick? [chuckles.]
So what? Are you gonna snitch? I'm gonna help you.
[breathing heavily.]
Unauthorized water rations.
No.
[whimpering.]
Looks bad.
Might need to come off.
- Come on, man.
- Shut up.
Come on, I'm begging you.
Beg all you want.
I'm gonna start cutting off pieces.
You can decide when you're ready to talk.
[indistinct chatter.]
Shake your body, your body, your body, baby Hey, heels on, head down In the Maserati Yeah, we'll paint this town 'Cause we're about to party [dramatic music.]
Rule three.
No racer may deliberately kill another racer.
Right, but we break that one all the time.
- You just got to be - Oh, this is bullshit.
Oh, well, bullshit or not, you're going to memorize them.
You nearly got me killed.
How do they know if you've broken a rule anyway? [clicks tongue.]
Say cheese.
They see and hear everything we do.
- So who's watching? - I don't know.
Old white men probably, sitting in leather chairs, ruling the world.
Please state your name for the cameras.
[scoffs.]
Dude, we're gonna be in this car for a really long time, so you might as well play along.
It's Arthur.
Holy shit, Art.
You look like a Barbie doll.
The guy one, not the girl one, but that's still not a compliment.
Men are supposed to have scars, not be pretty.
What is it? [blades grinding, girl crying.]
[girl screaming, crying.]
Go back.
Reckless driving.
Report immediately to your super [rock music.]
[engine turning over.]
Stop.
Turn around.
Hands up.
Hands up.
Turn around.
Drop the leg.
[grunts.]
[straining.]
You're under arrest.
Stop! [screams.]
- Barbie? - [groaning.]
Barbie, you're a pain in my ass.
[dramatic music.]
[indistinct chatter.]
Sure you're up for this? I'm the one that got the intel out of him, aren't I? Try to keep up, sidekick.
Yes, ma'am.
If you spill one crumb, I'll use your skin for a new pair of driving gloves.
[operatic music playing on car stereo.]
[suspenseful rock music.]
- [whimpering.]
- Try to take deep breaths.
I'm gonna call 911, okay? We're gonna get some help here for you.
- [beeping over line.]
- We're sorry - Shit.
- Your call cannot be completed as dialed.
They hurt my baby.
It's okay.
Hush now, hush now.
- Well played.
Now - Fix my car.
I'm sorry? Have your little genius fix my car.
You can't kill me.
It's against the rules.
And what do the rules say against maiming? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I could get a bonus for extra carnage if I just chop off your thumbs, unless you really think you can beat me in a fight.
Take care of this woman's car.
- Smart choice.
- What about the Benz? She'll be fine.
[both screaming and crying.]
Oh.
Fortune smiles.
- Just when the tank needed a topping off.
- No, no, no, no, no.
It'd be a shame to mar such a lovely mug.
Maybe I'll cut it off.
Get The Scholar to wear it.
Might spice things up a bit.
Rules or no rules, he can mess you up.
I don't care.
It's your face.
Suit yourself.
They have families waiting for them.
Did you ever think about that? Or can you justify anything? You hurt them, next time we meet, I'll do this to you.
- [groans.]
- [chuckles.]
Oh, very well.
[engine sputtering.]
- Blood under the bridge.
- [engine turning over.]
I promise I will not kill these ladies.
We'll free them once you're gone.
Okay, she'll run.
Very good.
Your chariot awaits.
How can we be sure he fixed it right? The Scholar is infuriatingly detailed when it comes to his machines.
It's his obsession.
My obsession is good manners.
I am The Gentleman after all.
We will keep our word to the letter.
But if we meet on the road again, well, that's another matter.
Let's go.
Ticktock, Barbie.
We're way behind.
If you kill them, I'll find out about it.
If I fail to keep my promise, I will welcome your vengeance.
Is everybody a psychopath? How long will their engine hold? About two, three hours, tops.
[engine turning over, tires squealing.]
Ladies, unfortunately your lives are not mine to take.
[girls crying.]
Your tongue and your fingers on the other hand [muffled screaming.]
[suspenseful music.]
[indistinct whispering.]
[siren wails.]
Do you like it? They made it especially for you, Christopher.
Then you fucked up.
You should have just kidnapped me instead of tricking me down here.
Where's the fun in that? Holy shit.
[suspenseful rock music.]
Look you made me wet.
Hi.
Forget the fracking tubes.
You're gonna be too much fun.
[rock music.]
[cheering.]
[engine revving.]
You're lucky we're still in the race after that stunt you pulled.
Now we have to haul ass 'cause we're in the back of the pack.
[engine hisses.]
- What'd you do? - Nothing.
[rock music.]
- What is it? - Radiator.
It has a hole in it.
Give me your shirt.
What? [crowd cheering.]
Shit.
[cheering continues.]
- Go.
Fill her up.
- With what? Do I really need to explain it to you? Oh, no, I'm not getting my dick anywhere near that engine.
You are if you want to live.
[cheering.]
Our next team is less than a half mile away.
Shit.
[horn honking.]
You know, it doesn't really work this way.
Then make it work that way, or we're dead.
So let's grab our drinks, our food, and the hottest piece of ass you can find, and we'll all gather at the finish line! [cheering.]
Okay, no pressure.
Shit.
Those were the last two.
Okay.
Okay, go, go, go, go.
[rock music.]
[cheering.]
- Come on.
- The engine's maxed out.
We're not gonna make it.
- Maybe we can, uh - Screw it.
If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna do it at the finish line.
No, there's got to be something we can do.
Didn't you say adrenaline can short out the bombs? Barbie, there's no way that we can get enough to Shit.
Against the odds [cheering.]
What are you what are you doing? - Lay down.
- What? Why? We need adrenaline to override the brain bombs, dumb-ass.
Fuck.
What's happening? - Do you want to live or not? - Yeah, I want to live.
Adrenaline's our only play, but it's got to be a hell of a lot.
- Oh, God.
- This is it, Barbie.
Do me or die.
We were born to rule the Earth Defenders of the universe [both moaning loudly.]
Shit.
Harder, Barbie, harder.
We will fight for what it's worth We were born - Oh, God, this is crazy.
- Not crazy enough.
Get behind me, quick.
Backdoor entrance, Barbie one-time offer.
Okay.
We were born to rule the Earth Defenders of the universe Keepers of the flame forevermore - What's wrong? - An unfortunate malfunction.
We will fight for what it's worth We were born to rule the Earth Victory is ours to taste Protectors of the human race We're the kings of the world [tires screeching.]
[cheering.]
We're the kings of the world all: Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! We're the kings of the world all: Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Better than dying, huh? I can't believe that worked.
Maybe for you.
Where'd you learn to screw like that the Boy Scouts? Emergency, emergency Suffering to breathe Hurry, hurry, not dying in vain Means being remembered When life's taken spinning and playing back The memories won't be mistaken [indistinct chatter, laughter.]
We recalibrated the pulse charges, so good luck fucking your way out of another loss tomorrow.
I let you live because I enjoy a good show, but you try that trick one more time or even bore me for a single moment, you'll see what I'm really capable of.
- What's your endgame? - Please, relax.
Put the cop act to rest.
You're a road warrior now.
Enjoy your spoils.
Or are you afraid you might just like this little paradise I've created? No, I'm not.
Oh, really? [dramatic music.]
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.
You feel that? You feel that, hero? That's your heart whispering all its deepest and dirtiest little desires.
Who are you? At your service.
[breathing heavily.]
[heavy metal music playing.]
You all right, Barbie? Come have a drink with me.
You earned it.
I'll help you win.
You keep all the money.
- Just promise me one thing.
- What? We're gonna see every one of those psychos behind bars.
I'm Grace d'Argento, by the way.
Welcome to the Blood Drive.
[suspenseful music.]
The executives assigned to this show decided to test it in Jersey.
As a result, they think you mouthbreathers are too stupid to understand my masterpiece.
So listen up, dum-dums, and let me set the stage.
The world is broken, no one has any food, oil costs 2,000 a barrel, and the only way out of this shitty life is a secret road race with a $10 million cash prize.
But there's a twist: all the cars run on human blood.
Welcome to "Blood Drive.
" [bird screeching.]
[rock music thumping on car stereo.]
[tires screeching.]
[music stops.]
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
- Nice ride.
- You should see the engine.
You want me to take a look? I am pretty handy.
Mm, I bet.
Come on.
You want to look under my hood, you got to buy me dinner first.
Maybe another time.
Hey.
Where are you going? I, um I'm late.
Got to make it to LA by sundown.
[engine turning over, engine revving.]
[tires squealing.]
- Maybe next time, dude.
- Let's go get her.
[suspenseful music.]
[rock music.]
[chuckles.]
Why'd you stop? I was having so much fun.
Out of gas.
Well, that's too bad.
I'm not.
Why don't you hop in, and, uh, I'll give you a ride to town.
- Yeah, no, thanks.
- Hey, man, let's not do this.
I wasted 500 bucks worth of gas chasing you through the desert, so don't be a bitch.
No one asked you to race, okay? Barry, she's right.
- Please don't.
- Dude, come on.
- Back off, Todd.
- Please, please, don't.
Please.
- Come on, man.
- Back up.
Stop.
Please.
Please don't.
Please.
Now, you just hold still, and this won't hurt a bit.
Funny, I was just about to say that.
[grunts.]
All right, hurry up, Barry.
[grunting.]
Fuck! What the fuck are you doing? [rock music.]
[grunting.]
Please please don't hurt me.
Sorry, pal.
Got to top off.
No! [tires squealing.]
[screaming.]
[indistinct chatter.]
Insert water container.
Unauthorized water ration.
Contra! [grunts.]
Reviewing footage.
Crimes consumption of stolen water, resisting arrest.
Punishment authorized, level three.
Aggravated assault, littering, possession of the drug Red Rapture, theft.
[siren wails.]
Whoo.
Thirsty, motherfucker? - Reviewing footage.
- Shut up.
They're gonna dock you for that.
Stole half a gallon.
That's a level eight.
If we don't ration the water, a lot more people die.
He's not worth saving, trust me.
Come on, man.
I don't want to die.
Jesus, they're shooting Red now.
You can't shoot the stuff.
Doesn't work that way.
Sir, what are those marks on your arm? Arthur, he's a junkie.
Those are track marks.
Heroin hasn't been around for years.
- Then he's selling plasma.
- To who? Hospitals don't have a lot of use for junkie blood.
I didn't do nothing, all right? I just wanted water.
Tell us what those marks are.
Come on, man.
They'll kill me if I tell you.
Look, I can help you, but you got to talk to me.
I don't know who they are, all right? They're not normal.
Put it in non-junkie terms for us.
No one knows who they are.
They bleed the rainbow.
[chuckles.]
He's too fried to makes sense.
This is pointless.
Try something else.
What the fuck are you doing? - Shit! Freeze! - [whirring.]
It's a warehouse on Perrino Street.
That's all I know.
[dramatic music.]
Approaching destination.
Arriving at destination.
[horn honking.]
[thud on roof of car.]
I want your eyeball.
[device beeping.]
[car horns honking.]
[telephone ringing.]
This is ContraCrime.
How can I help you? You're gonna catch hell when they find out - you let that junkie walk.
- Doesn't matter.
All I know is, when you work for Sergeant Gower, - you stick to the rules.
- I don't care what Gower wants.
Police went to shit when they sold out contracts to a private company.
Crime's down since we went private.
That's 'cause people are afraid.
Good.
Fear keeps them in line.
Man, you're starting to sound like one of those recruitment commercials.
Loading credits.
We used to be cops, remember? We still are.
We're still the good guys.
- Loading credits.
- Prove it.
Come help me investigate that warehouse tonight.
[chuckles.]
No way.
Squad's hitting up McGoldrick's tonight.
Gonna tie one on.
And that new officer's gonna be there.
You coming? Oh, I'm good.
You want to chase Bigfoot in your own time, fine.
But at least punch the clock, punch some faces, get drunk as hell.
That's what's expected of you.
Gower already doesn't like you.
Don't make it worse.
Hey, we make quota by Friday and drinks are on me.
[cheering.]
Hey, Saint Arthur What about you? Those are from both of us.
Must have collected these while your camera was off today.
Must have.
This is the only thing that will impress me.
Ten teeth by Friday or I'll have yours instead.
[chuckles.]
Told you.
Forget about the warehouse.
Come out with us tonight.
Remember that first heat wave the summer after the fracking quakes? The whole city was rioting.
I broke into a public storage unit trying to steal some food.
I got caught by a cop.
Nice.
I have a whole new respect for you.
Shut up for two seconds and listen.
That was the year they lowered the legal age to 13.
I could have been tried as an adult.
- So how'd you swing it? - I didn't do a thing.
He let me go.
He said he didn't want to see another kid hang.
Saved my life.
That's why you signed up for this shit job? That guy still on the force? No.
Every day we go out on patrol, we have a choice to make this city a better place or make a violent world more violent.
Damn it.
You gonna sit on your ass all night, or you gonna help me find this warehouse? Yes.
Let's go.
[dramatic music.]
[engine revving.]
What is that? [indistinct shouting.]
Bang, bang, bang You came to see the mobscene I know it isn't your scene It's better than a sex scene And it's so fucking obscene Obscene, yeah You want commitment? Put on your best suit, get your arms around me Now we're going down, down, down You want commitment? Put on your best suit, get your arms around me Now we're going ["La Marseillaise" playing.]
[woman singing in French.]
Allons enfants de la patrie Le jour de gloire est arrivé - Contre nous de la tyrannie - [cheering.]
L'étendard sanglant est levé L'étendard sanglant est levé [exhales sharply.]
Ladies and gentlemen, bastards and tramps, bloodsuckers, motherfuckers, road trash, and vamps to the queers and the strange in the crowd and on the stage to the violent, the malevolent, and those seeking a grave welcome home! [cheering.]
It's been a cold, dark year.
I'm so glad to see your grease-stained faces, your filthy smiles.
I am your host, Julian Slink, master of ceremonies, god of the stage.
Welcome to the meanest, nastiest, filthiest road race in the world - Blood Drive! - [cheering.]
[shouting indistinctly.]
Get your arms around me Now we're going down, down, down You want commitment? Put on your best suit, get your arms around me Now we're going down, down, down Ladies and gentlemen, be obscene.
Be obscene.
Be, be obscene.
Be obscene Be, be obscene - Be obscene - [screaming.]
Be obscene, be, be obscene Be obscene Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang What the fuck? [cheering.]
Get to the car.
Make the call code 88.
Tell them to send everyone.
There are way too many psychos in there.
You need to wait for backup.
How many more people will they kill while we wait? Make the call.
I got to get a better view.
Now, if the racers would please line up at the front of the stage [cheering.]
As some of you know, we had a few quitters last year.
- [audience boos.]
- I know, I know.
But forgive and forget.
All right, so we killed the sons of bitches.
- [crowd cheering.]
- No matter, no matter.
This year we have an incentive a state-of-the-art pulse charge implanted at the base of the skull.
A bit barbaric? Perhaps.
Shamefully pedantic? Without a doubt.
But by golly if it won't do the trick.
Anyone trying to remove the pulse charge instant brain jelly.
[cheering.]
If you're racing with a partner your charges are linked.
Get too far apart bye-bye, cranium.
Each day racers will be given a prescribed route.
But no matter where you are, I'll be watching And so will our private audience on closed-circuit TV.
Each day ends with another Mayhem Party at the finish line to celebrate the winners.
But whoever comes in last I'm sure you get the idea.
- It's fucking cop.
- [grunts.]
[screams.]
Hey, asshole, you dented my car.
Ma'am, stay calm.
Stand back.
I've got this under control.
[cheering.]
Looks like we've got an uninvited guest.
Take them.
Bring them both.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Hey! - Get off me! - Hey, hey, get off me! - Hey! Get off me! [cheering.]
Hey! We have a decision to make.
Is this guy friend or fuel? On the one hand, he works for ContraCrime the new breed of cop.
- crowd: Fuel! Fuel! Fuel! - No, no, no! Then again these two put on one hell of a show! crowd: Friend! Friend! Friend! Then again he might try to stop the race.
crowd: Fuel! Fuel! Fuel! Fuel! Fuel! Fuel! If the crowd grows restless, they get a bit stabby.
Best put on a show.
[cheering.]
Asshole.
I'll kill you! [groans.]
Link 'em up! Oh, no, no, no, no, hold on a minute.
We're not a team.
- You are now.
- [grunts.]
And the fans love her! [cheering.]
Freeze! Put your hands up now! Every single freak, on the ground with hands on your head.
[laughter.]
- Fuck you, cop.
- [groans.]
- Christopher! - Racers to your marks! Everyone else, see you at the rendezvous.
[cheering.]
Shit! Christopher, run! Chris, get out of here! [screams.]
Shut up, calm down, and do as I say.
[Skillet's "Back From the Dead".]
Light it up, light it up, now I'm burning Feel the rush, feel the rush of adrenaline We are young, we are strong, we will rise 'Cause I'm back, back, back from the dead tonight To the floor, to the floor, hit the red line Flying high, flying high at the speed of light Full of love, full of light, full of fight 'Cause I'm back, back, back from the dead tonight I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, back, back I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, back, back Pull over.
My partner's back there.
Just sit your ass down and shut up.
- Ma'am, I'm a cop.
- Yeah, a shitty one.
They'll never catch me, they'll never catch me I'm back, I'm back Shit.
I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, back, back Light it up, light it up, now I'm burning Feel the rush, feel the rush of adrenaline - Racer team violation.
- Who's the lame dick dumb enough to Oh, wonderful.
Flying high, flying high at the speed of light Full of love, full of light, full of fight, 'cause I'm back Pity.
[grunting.]
[grunting.]
[grunting.]
Get in! - [grunts.]
- You feel that? This is the lowest setting.
Now get in the car! Never break, never bow, never beg, not a doubt [grunts.]
The zombies come out at night They'll never catch me, they'll never catch me Racer team reunited.
I'm back, back, back from the dead tonight I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, back, back - Dead tonight - I'm back, I'm back Back from the dead tonight I'm back, I'm back, I'm back, back, back - Back from the dead tonight - [gasps.]
[breathing heavily.]
[door handle rattling.]
Child locks, dickweed.
Oh, and pull that shit again, and I will shoot you in the head, save us both some misery.
- I need to cut this thing out.
- Won't work.
I heard a rumor that adrenaline messes with them, but, God, if that's true, it would take a hell of a lot, considering who they're injecting.
- Then I need a phone.
- No way.
Lady, I was this close to arresting these sons of bitches, okay? I need to contact my precinct.
Oh, my God.
You have no clue, do you? You can't just arrest these people.
What the hell do you think just happened back there? I saw your friends grind up innocent people for fun.
Why would anyone use a car engine just to murder someone, Einstein? [engine revving.]
Those people were fuel? These cars run on human blood? - Bingo.
- [breathing heavily, gags.]
Dude, if you throw up in my car, I swear to God Why would anyone do that? Have you seen gas prices lately? Oh, come on.
The people that forced you to race, who are they? I wasn't forced.
What kind of sick person signs up for this? What Everyone has something to prove trying to claim that Primo title.
Isn't that how you found it? Oh, no.
I'm not like you.
I'm a cop.
I'm trying to help people.
Bullshit.
No one makes it to the Blood Drive without a little psycho behind the eyes, pal.
Miss look me in the eye and tell me you're really okay murdering people just to win a title.
I don't give a shit about being the Primo.
But I do care about the $10 million.
That's enough to get my sister the help that she needs and set us up for life.
And no one's gonna get in the way of that happening.
So buckle up, pal, 'cause the last one to this party tonight is a dead man.
And so long as you have that bomb implanted in your neck, you're no longer a cop.
You're just another racer and we're stuck with each other.
Then we have a problem, 'cause as long as I'm here, no one's going in your engine, and that's a promise.
Yeah, well we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it, shall we? [creepy rock music.]
You have reached your water limit.
- Please step out of the shower.
- [sighs.]
You got to be kidding me.
Thanks.
Whoa, Sarge, what are you doing? Until we figure out what the hell happened, you're on forced leave.
Fuck that, Sarge.
Are you shitting me? - I read the report.
- You heard what happened.
At 0600, we approached blah, blah, blah, blah, "I hit my head and can't remember the rest.
" Sign it before ContraCrime decides to fire you or sue you or break every bone in your face.
That's not what happened.
The day I let one of my officers write "vampire car" in their report is the same day I let you suck my dick.
Now get dressed, go home, get drunk.
Internal Affairs will interview you tomorrow.
No way.
The docs cleared me.
I'm going back out there.
- Those freaks have my partner.
- We will find Saint Arthur.
But until ContraCrime clears you, sit on your ass.
Bullshit.
You know I'm supposed to report you for that.
Great.
Anyone else want to see my dick? [chuckles.]
So what? Are you gonna snitch? I'm gonna help you.
[breathing heavily.]
Unauthorized water rations.
No.
[whimpering.]
Looks bad.
Might need to come off.
- Come on, man.
- Shut up.
Come on, I'm begging you.
Beg all you want.
I'm gonna start cutting off pieces.
You can decide when you're ready to talk.
[indistinct chatter.]
Shake your body, your body, your body, baby Hey, heels on, head down In the Maserati Yeah, we'll paint this town 'Cause we're about to party [dramatic music.]
Rule three.
No racer may deliberately kill another racer.
Right, but we break that one all the time.
- You just got to be - Oh, this is bullshit.
Oh, well, bullshit or not, you're going to memorize them.
You nearly got me killed.
How do they know if you've broken a rule anyway? [clicks tongue.]
Say cheese.
They see and hear everything we do.
- So who's watching? - I don't know.
Old white men probably, sitting in leather chairs, ruling the world.
Please state your name for the cameras.
[scoffs.]
Dude, we're gonna be in this car for a really long time, so you might as well play along.
It's Arthur.
Holy shit, Art.
You look like a Barbie doll.
The guy one, not the girl one, but that's still not a compliment.
Men are supposed to have scars, not be pretty.
What is it? [blades grinding, girl crying.]
[girl screaming, crying.]
Go back.
Reckless driving.
Report immediately to your super [rock music.]
[engine turning over.]
Stop.
Turn around.
Hands up.
Hands up.
Turn around.
Drop the leg.
[grunts.]
[straining.]
You're under arrest.
Stop! [screams.]
- Barbie? - [groaning.]
Barbie, you're a pain in my ass.
[dramatic music.]
[indistinct chatter.]
Sure you're up for this? I'm the one that got the intel out of him, aren't I? Try to keep up, sidekick.
Yes, ma'am.
If you spill one crumb, I'll use your skin for a new pair of driving gloves.
[operatic music playing on car stereo.]
[suspenseful rock music.]
- [whimpering.]
- Try to take deep breaths.
I'm gonna call 911, okay? We're gonna get some help here for you.
- [beeping over line.]
- We're sorry - Shit.
- Your call cannot be completed as dialed.
They hurt my baby.
It's okay.
Hush now, hush now.
- Well played.
Now - Fix my car.
I'm sorry? Have your little genius fix my car.
You can't kill me.
It's against the rules.
And what do the rules say against maiming? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I could get a bonus for extra carnage if I just chop off your thumbs, unless you really think you can beat me in a fight.
Take care of this woman's car.
- Smart choice.
- What about the Benz? She'll be fine.
[both screaming and crying.]
Oh.
Fortune smiles.
- Just when the tank needed a topping off.
- No, no, no, no, no.
It'd be a shame to mar such a lovely mug.
Maybe I'll cut it off.
Get The Scholar to wear it.
Might spice things up a bit.
Rules or no rules, he can mess you up.
I don't care.
It's your face.
Suit yourself.
They have families waiting for them.
Did you ever think about that? Or can you justify anything? You hurt them, next time we meet, I'll do this to you.
- [groans.]
- [chuckles.]
Oh, very well.
[engine sputtering.]
- Blood under the bridge.
- [engine turning over.]
I promise I will not kill these ladies.
We'll free them once you're gone.
Okay, she'll run.
Very good.
Your chariot awaits.
How can we be sure he fixed it right? The Scholar is infuriatingly detailed when it comes to his machines.
It's his obsession.
My obsession is good manners.
I am The Gentleman after all.
We will keep our word to the letter.
But if we meet on the road again, well, that's another matter.
Let's go.
Ticktock, Barbie.
We're way behind.
If you kill them, I'll find out about it.
If I fail to keep my promise, I will welcome your vengeance.
Is everybody a psychopath? How long will their engine hold? About two, three hours, tops.
[engine turning over, tires squealing.]
Ladies, unfortunately your lives are not mine to take.
[girls crying.]
Your tongue and your fingers on the other hand [muffled screaming.]
[suspenseful music.]
[indistinct whispering.]
[siren wails.]
Do you like it? They made it especially for you, Christopher.
Then you fucked up.
You should have just kidnapped me instead of tricking me down here.
Where's the fun in that? Holy shit.
[suspenseful rock music.]
Look you made me wet.
Hi.
Forget the fracking tubes.
You're gonna be too much fun.
[rock music.]
[cheering.]
[engine revving.]
You're lucky we're still in the race after that stunt you pulled.
Now we have to haul ass 'cause we're in the back of the pack.
[engine hisses.]
- What'd you do? - Nothing.
[rock music.]
- What is it? - Radiator.
It has a hole in it.
Give me your shirt.
What? [crowd cheering.]
Shit.
[cheering continues.]
- Go.
Fill her up.
- With what? Do I really need to explain it to you? Oh, no, I'm not getting my dick anywhere near that engine.
You are if you want to live.
[cheering.]
Our next team is less than a half mile away.
Shit.
[horn honking.]
You know, it doesn't really work this way.
Then make it work that way, or we're dead.
So let's grab our drinks, our food, and the hottest piece of ass you can find, and we'll all gather at the finish line! [cheering.]
Okay, no pressure.
Shit.
Those were the last two.
Okay.
Okay, go, go, go, go.
[rock music.]
[cheering.]
- Come on.
- The engine's maxed out.
We're not gonna make it.
- Maybe we can, uh - Screw it.
If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna do it at the finish line.
No, there's got to be something we can do.
Didn't you say adrenaline can short out the bombs? Barbie, there's no way that we can get enough to Shit.
Against the odds [cheering.]
What are you what are you doing? - Lay down.
- What? Why? We need adrenaline to override the brain bombs, dumb-ass.
Fuck.
What's happening? - Do you want to live or not? - Yeah, I want to live.
Adrenaline's our only play, but it's got to be a hell of a lot.
- Oh, God.
- This is it, Barbie.
Do me or die.
We were born to rule the Earth Defenders of the universe [both moaning loudly.]
Shit.
Harder, Barbie, harder.
We will fight for what it's worth We were born - Oh, God, this is crazy.
- Not crazy enough.
Get behind me, quick.
Backdoor entrance, Barbie one-time offer.
Okay.
We were born to rule the Earth Defenders of the universe Keepers of the flame forevermore - What's wrong? - An unfortunate malfunction.
We will fight for what it's worth We were born to rule the Earth Victory is ours to taste Protectors of the human race We're the kings of the world [tires screeching.]
[cheering.]
We're the kings of the world all: Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! We're the kings of the world all: Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Better than dying, huh? I can't believe that worked.
Maybe for you.
Where'd you learn to screw like that the Boy Scouts? Emergency, emergency Suffering to breathe Hurry, hurry, not dying in vain Means being remembered When life's taken spinning and playing back The memories won't be mistaken [indistinct chatter, laughter.]
We recalibrated the pulse charges, so good luck fucking your way out of another loss tomorrow.
I let you live because I enjoy a good show, but you try that trick one more time or even bore me for a single moment, you'll see what I'm really capable of.
- What's your endgame? - Please, relax.
Put the cop act to rest.
You're a road warrior now.
Enjoy your spoils.
Or are you afraid you might just like this little paradise I've created? No, I'm not.
Oh, really? [dramatic music.]
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.
You feel that? You feel that, hero? That's your heart whispering all its deepest and dirtiest little desires.
Who are you? At your service.
[breathing heavily.]
[heavy metal music playing.]
You all right, Barbie? Come have a drink with me.
You earned it.
I'll help you win.
You keep all the money.
- Just promise me one thing.
- What? We're gonna see every one of those psychos behind bars.
I'm Grace d'Argento, by the way.
Welcome to the Blood Drive.
[suspenseful music.]