Blood Drive (2017) s01e10 Episode Script
Scar Tissue
1 Previously on "Blood Drive" Just gonna pop these little guys out of our heads.
- [grunting.]
- [gunshot.]
Shit, you're hurt.
He needs more blood than you can give.
- Are you prepared to die? - What do you think? Our connection caused a kernel boot error.
[gasps.]
What does that even mean? - It means I love you.
- You're becoming human.
Arthur? Arthur! [light music.]
Lemonade! Get your lemonade! Howdy, traveler.
Lemonade? Daddy! Are you okay? Hey! Nobody steals from my girls.
Sorry.
I'm just joshing.
Jeff Warrens.
You can call me Warrens, JW, J-Dubs.
- Arthur.
- It's a pleasure, Arty man.
Now, I'm sure you've seen a lot out there in that wasteland, but don't worry, you're safe from The Scar here.
Welcome to Cronenburgh! [laughs.]
[sweeping hopeful music.]
[church bells ringing.]
[ominous music.]
[rock music.]
I'll be back, baby.
[light music.]
God damn it, Barbie.
Where are you? [bike bell dinging.]
- Unbelievable.
- What? I'm surprised you're even alive this close to The Scar.
We got folks coming in from all over, looking for a fresh start.
Looking for a way out of their funk.
- Do they find it? - They never leave.
Something amazing happens when you allow yourself to see the beauty in everything.
Everything starts seeing the beauty in you.
You smell that? Smells like cinnamon toast.
- Or a gas leak.
- That's just our construction.
Pardon our dust.
This close to The Scar, we gotta patch up small cracks from the occasional tremors.
Nothing to worry about.
I hope I'm not being too forward, but it seems to me like you're a man looking for a sense of purpose.
Maybe Cronenburgh's just the place for a man like you.
Thanks, but my life is complicated right now.
Nothing complicated here, though.
There's friendly faces safe from the pain of that world.
You know, we're having a town party tonight at the church.
I'm sure everybody'd love to meet you.
I'm not really in the best shape.
Ah, come on.
That's just a scratch.
You don't need a doctor.
You need a party.
Sorry, ma'am.
The last guy cleaned us all out.
"Ma'am," okay.
How about I give you $2 to never call me that again? And 27 cents to take me to your last customer.
As requested, the god has arrived.
I know you don't like too much song and dance, so let's get right down to the pitch.
I've got sequels, spin-offs, tie-in comic books to explain away all this weird mythology.
Okay, how about a video game? We didn't bring you here to pitch.
We found a loophole in your contract that gets us around this holding deal.
Slink, you're fired.
[chair wheels squeaking.]
Grace and Arthur have been testing off the charts, - and you lost them.
- Why are you so hung up on those two? I know what my audience wants.
Testing is for the weak and feeble brain.
Those weak and feeble test groups were the only reason we kept the race going at all.
Arthur and Grace, they've disappeared into The Scar.
- They're dead and gone.
- You'd better hope not.
Right now, you're just fired.
But if we can't get those two back on the road, I will run your show into the ground and make you watch every single moment with your eyelids stapled to your skull.
[gentle music.]
Grace.
You look mad.
I 'm sorry I left you [grunts.]
Oh, don't worry.
I don't hold grudges.
So I gave you half my blood and this is how you thank me? I'm glad you're okay.
But I'm kinda doing my own thing now.
Isn't this great? Hey, pro tip.
Next time you try to abandon someone, don't leave a breadcrumb trail of lost pages.
I didn't lose it.
I'm done with it.
And you should be too.
Wait, but why? This is the stuff that's gonna help us take down Heart.
What's the point? Oh, I don't know.
That they're evil and they need to be stopped.
[laughs.]
What the hell happened to you at that restaurant? This isn't you.
Say we take down Heart and arrest all the people that killed Karma.
Then what? World's still a pretty crappy place.
There's no end game.
So maybe we just stop when we find somewhere nice.
Why can't you just accept when good things happen? - I mean, look around.
- At what? Greenery? - Perfect houses? - Oh, boy.
The offensive number of floral headbands? - Here we go.
- Arthur, stop.
Whatever it is that these Stepford assholes are trying to sell you on, - don't buy it.
- No.
No one's selling me anything.
I like it here.
No, you're just not thinking straight.
Are you sure? I mean, maybe this is all a reward.
- For what? - For all of the shit that we've been through.
I have an idea.
Before you pass judgment, come to a party with me.
[upbeat accordion music.]
Reeks like Jersey in here.
I mean, what is that delightful smell? It's something from the construction.
So glad you could join us.
[chuckles.]
And you brought a plus one.
And who is this ravishing goddess? - [laughs.]
- Her name is Grace and she can speak all by herself.
How rude of me.
Grace is my traveling companion.
Mm, I can tell she's entertaining company.
Oh, you can say that again.
Oh, and here is the man of the hour.
This whole night is all for him.
This is our town cobbler, David, and his peach of a wife, Melanie.
Oh, stop.
Dad says that about all his daughters.
Guilty.
But really, Mel Bell is something special.
Arthur and Grace here might be our newest residents.
- Welcome to Cronenburgh.
- Thank you so much - for having us - What's wrong with this picture? You don't have a drink in your hand.
- Oh.
- [laughs.]
May I freshen you up? Man, you do not take a hint, do you? What the hell? More free booze never hurt anyone.
You know, I can tell you think that this is too good to be true.
But that doesn't mean you don't deserve it.
We just met.
How the hell do you know what I deserve? I can smell it.
- Can't you? - I can smell something.
How do you get stuff to grow so close to The Scar? You were saying? I can't remember.
I-I'm so sorry.
I apologize for being so rude earlier.
Arthur knows anger sometimes just gets the best of me.
Aw, not at all.
[chuckles.]
I think you're actually quite a hoot.
[both laugh.]
- Did I just giggle? - And what's wrong with that? Come on, let yourself have a good time.
When I first stumbled upon this little oasis, I wasn't so sure.
But Mr.
Warrens, ah Ah, he's quite a convincer.
[laughs.]
And here we are, five years later.
[laughs.]
You two are the American dream.
So, Arthur, we don't quite know how to say this, but I was talking to Warrens and we'd like to make you Cronenburgh's new cobbler.
Oh, wow.
Uh I'm flattered, but I don't know how to make shoes.
And aren't you the town cobbler? I'm retiring.
And you'll learn in jiffy.
'Cause here in Cronenburgh, you have all the time in the world.
Okay.
I I can't really say no to the birthday boy, now can I? [both laughing.]
Oh, this isn't David's birthday.
- No, no.
- Anniversary.
No, Arthur.
Tonight we're celebrating my life.
This is my wake.
Oh, I'm so sorry, I - I had no idea.
- No, don't be.
I've lived a wonderful life beside this gorgeous, gorgeous gal.
But here in Cronenburgh, my father believes in celebrating life by passing it on to the living.
Passing all parts of our life to other people.
Like your clothes and CDs and stuff.
[both laughing.]
No, no, no.
Arthur, no, no.
What we're trying to say is when I'm dead and gone, I want you to take my wife.
Jeff Warrens, J-Dub.
Grace Warrens.
[giggles.]
What's gotten into me? He's not even my type, but he's just so dreamy.
- I wonder how my makeup looks.
- [children laughing.]
[dramatic music.]
Please, no.
- Please, stop.
- Aki! - Stop, no! - Aki! - Please, stop! - Aki! Aki! - No! No! - Aki.
You scared me.
Were you having a nightmare? I wasn't asleep.
I was remembering things.
I hurt you and I love you.
Heart knows I'm a human now.
They're gonna punish me and I deserve it.
Don't talk like that.
You're not that person anymore.
And I'm not gonna let them find you.
They made me hurt you.
So we should hurt them.
I was on the inside.
I know how to breach their security protocols.
Too dangerous.
Let's stick with the plan and find Arthur.
With him on the outside and your Intel from the inside, we'll know all Heart's weak spots.
Okay.
But Arthur's halfway across the country by now.
If we wanna get to him, we need a fast car.
And I know where to hitch a ride.
[light upbeat music.]
- Am I doing it right? - Well, the good news is you're now the town cobbler, so you can make yourself a double pair of lefties for your two left feet! - Whoo-hoo! - Hey, twinkle toes, - you gotta see this.
- Hang on, let me finish.
- No, Arthur, stop.
- Hey - No, stop, stop, stop.
- What are you doing? Look at the reflection.
These people are freaks.
- You're the only one freaking.
- Look, Arthur.
- Get that away from me.
- Look! Look at that guy's face! That girl doesn't even have a face! [music stops.]
Beloved, charm is deceitful.
And beauty is vanity.
But the woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 30:31.
- Amen.
- Fuck you, Billy Graham.
Mirrors are forbidden because they are a symbol of vanity.
And ego is not welcome here at our celebration.
Whoa, hey! Come on, not here.
Just come with me.
Play the music! Let's party! Not only do you sound insane, you're being disrespectful.
We're at a man's wake.
He's still alive! Arthur, come on, this place is seriously fucked up.
- We need to go.
- Why do you always have to go digging for pain and suffering? Why can't you just accept what you see? I've been trying to tell you, these people are not normal.
Well, I haven't seen one drop of blood since I've been here, and I can't exactly say I have the same track record with you.
This is not the Arthur I know.
Well, I know who I am.
And, for once, I'm at peace with myself.
Do you seriously believe this shit? What's so hard to believe? I'm the cobbler now.
My brand new wife is beautiful.
She is named Melanie and the old cobbler gave her to me as a present because he's killing himself.
This is all perfectly normal.
Denial is not the same thing as peace, you dipshit.
My fiancée would never call me a dipshit.
She's totally chill.
Okay.
Fuck you.
[eerie music.]
Be thou my vision O Lord of my heart Arthur, will you help me with this? - [doors creaking.]
- [voices whispering.]
What is that? That's The Scar, son.
The real Scar.
Not that barren desert that covers the top.
Waking or sleeping You sure he's really that sick? Seems like he's still so - alive.
- It's an honor, Not a death sentence.
He's terminal, and this is how he's chosen to go.
I understand.
But don't you think he should spend his last days at home? I know death is upsetting, Arthur.
Just take a deep breath.
Tell my great father [mysterious music.]
Family, this man is a hero.
And we honor his spirit by feeding it to The Scar.
And his gift will feed our souls for another year.
Amen! [voice trailing off.]
[eerie music.]
[sighs.]
It's just so beautiful.
[thrilling music.]
Holy fuck.
[gasps.]
[gasps.]
Snoopy, snoopy.
- Oh.
- That's my special outfit for my wedding night.
Shouldn't you be at your husband's party? Husband? Oh.
Oh, right, him.
I I thought you meant the new one.
Arthur's cute, isn't he? [grunts.]
It's the withdrawals.
Shouldn't have covered your face.
[grunts.]
Yeah, all right.
[sniffs.]
[typing.]
Company benefits terminated.
[typing.]
401k drained back into the company fund and, uh, what do you want for your meal? Oh, well, I wasn't expecting a meal.
I suppose something gluten free.
All this stress has me breaking out.
You sure? Most people want steak and ice cream for their last meal.
- Last what? - Dolores wanted toast.
She's so modest.
I never told her I loved her.
[gasps, clears throat.]
Sorry, a little scattered.
Gary's off sick.
He's left me with all of these Blood Drive mileage reimbursements and he knows I can't do math.
Ah.
Tell me more about these mileage reimbursements.
Your job must be so fascinating.
Oh, well, you see, we get readings off the wireless odometers.
So we can get the mileage and then Heart can deduct wear and tear in tax season.
Ah, well you know, there's a very, very easy way to calculate that.
Release me and I'll show you.
No can do, sir.
Safety protocol.
Ah.
I understand.
Shame.
Be so sad to see a nice guy like yourself get castrated over a clerical error, when I can so easily show you on the wall map over there.
[box unlocks.]
Okay.
Let's take, say, Arthur and Grace.
Arthur and Grace.
How many miles since their last stop? 370 miles.
All right.
So if they've gone 370 miles from here, that means the only town with civilization within his radius is here.
I'm lost.
[grunts.]
[sickening thud.]
I'm not.
So I was on my way to my dress fitting, and I thought you might be working up an appetite in here.
Aww! You're a gem, Mel Bell.
Thanks.
Of course.
Wow, the place looks great.
Yeah.
Feels like home.
And, hey, not bad for my first one, huh? I was just about to give her a good polish.
I must say, I'm impressed how well you're settling in.
You're handling it with a lot of grace.
Grace.
Grace.
That sounds so familiar.
- Do we know someone named Grace? - So, I'm looking forward to showing you the master suite after the wedding.
- I'm counting the milliseconds.
- [laughs.]
[dramatic music.]
What what's wrong, honey? Nothing.
I'm just a little ticklish, is all.
Oh.
I see you've finally come 'round.
Hard to resist that Cronenburgh charm, hm? You wish.
Reality sucks, doesn't it? You know, I used to be just like you, Grace.
Mad at the world.
Until I learned to stop - and take a deep breath.
- No, what you did is drug everyone and put them under a fucked up spell.
- I'm helping them.
- Right.
Saving them from their pain.
I can tell you feel pain, Grace.
I can see it in your face.
But I'm giving you a chance at happiness tonight, at the wedding.
And watch Arthur marry that Skeletor? Yeah.
No thanks.
Where else are you gonna go, Grace? Your world fell.
Ours is still standing.
Your world is a lie.
Perception is a lie.
Our happiness is real.
You can share it with us.
Don't fight it.
I'd rather die knowing who I really am fucked up flaws and all than to play house with freaks like you.
Very well.
At sunset, you get your wish.
[bell dings.]
[electronic music.]
We're running out of time.
Heart security doesn't patrol here like they do at the main offices.
We'll be fine.
We just have to crack this pass code.
Try 123.
1234? - I'm in.
- [rock music.]
Jaguar for the shell with the Blood Drive engine.
What do you think about blue rims? No, wait.
Yellow.
Blue.
Definitely blue.
Too late.
We've gone for silver.
Man.
Overdrive foot to the floor Overdrive give me more Overdrive above the law - Overdrive - Shit.
All we need is the gas.
You put the steering wheel on the wrong side.
Ready to go? It's strange leaving here when I've never lived anywhere else.
I know you're scared.
Besides, maybe you have seen the world and don't remember it.
Maybe Heart erased all your memories and replaced them with new ones.
After we find Arthur, I wanna make a real memory with you.
We're starting right now.
[engine starts.]
Overdrive Overdrive Strawberry lemonade, get your strawberry lemonade.
Howdy, traveler.
Lemonade? Hard pass on the blood piss, child.
Now, tell me where your daddy lives.
all: Of every blessing Tune my heart to sing thy grace Streams of mercy Wedding day jitters are perfectly normal.
They'll disappear, as soon as you say "I do.
" Welcome to the family, son.
[truck beeping.]
Put me down! Where are you taking me? Stop.
Wait a sec, I know you.
- You're Grace.
- Arthur, snap out of it! I'm gonna kill you.
You look so handsome.
Thank you, you're very beautiful.
Snap out of it! You were always so special to me.
It means so much that you'd come to the ceremony.
It's The Scar.
It's The Scar.
Don't believe any of it.
I can't wait to die for your happiness.
Arthur, please help me! It's all a woman could ever want.
Arthur! Barbie! Barbie! Could we pull over? I feel what do humans call it? - Fucked up.
- You carsick? I'm sorry.
Drink.
It might make you feel better.
[burps.]
You okay? - [vomits.]
- [intense music.]
Ah! Goddamn! [retches, coughs.]
I'm fine.
Keep driving.
[vomits.]
["Wedding March" playing.]
Shit.
Aww, she's beautiful.
There's no woman better, sir.
- Barbie! - Please, call me Dad.
I can fucking hear you guys.
Goddammit, get me out of here! You look unbelievable.
[sniffs, clears throat.]
God, oh.
Oh, um, that's just the nerves sometimes messes with the sinuses.
Dearly beloved family - [dramatic sting.]
- We are gathered here To celebrate the love of these two wonderful people.
[doors busting open.]
[intense music.]
[screaming.]
- I know you.
- Which is why I have to assume my invitation was lost in the mail.
We're in the middle of a ceremony.
Pardonne moi, I'm only saving you from making the biggest mistake of your life.
You're a handsome, virile young man.
Don't ruin it by settling down so soon.
[sniffing.]
That and your bride's a mutant.
Would you shut up? You're ruining this.
Kiss me! - Whoa! Oh! Ahh! - Arthur! - [splashing.]
- Boy, is he ever gonna thank me for this one.
This place is a shit hole.
Everyone, everyone, uh, the pain is only temporary.
It's gonna be okay, family.
[groans.]
[gasping.]
Aren't you glad I came to save you? Right.
My knight in shining Arthur.
See if you can find a foothold for me to step on.
[grunts.]
It's too slippery.
I can't Easy, easy.
It's like quicksand.
The more you struggle, the harder it is.
Oh, God.
Oh, my head is killing me.
It's the withdrawals.
Withdrawals from what? Is super sleuth still trying to figure it out? Arthur, gas from The Scar was causing hallucinations.
Crazy, huh? But since I've plugged the hole or should I say, you plugged the hole this town can finally see itself for what it really is.
Cleveland.
[vomiting.]
[coughs.]
We need to keep going.
You're in pain.
I'm not as human as I thought.
Heart security protocols are still active.
Let's wait it out.
Maybe with No.
You need to go.
I may have triggered a tracking device.
They could be on their way.
I can't leave you here.
You have to.
Go find Arthur.
Make Heart pay for what they've done.
And when that's done, I'll be waiting.
And I'll be free.
Now please taste my rainbow.
[somber music.]
[dramatic music.]
Get us the hell out of here! Not until you think about what you've done.
Naughty, naughty! Cut the shit, Slink! Tell us what your game is.
Drive or die, Barbie doll.
I'll save your pathetic little lives if you agree to go on one last adventure with me.
Bullshit.
Like you don't want us dead.
Things have changed.
In two minutes, that muck'll fill your pretty, little mouth.
Let's see how stubborn you are then! - Ah! - [screams.]
Where the hell are you going? Grace, I need to tell you something.
Yeah, I I already figured.
- You're gay.
- What? No, I I know you're pissed about me leaving you at the Chinese restaurant, but I couldn't stand up for you when I couldn't stand looking at myself.
[tender music.]
Look, Arthur, I never needed you to stand up for me.
I just needed you.
I didn't want to drag you into my shit.
It's a little too late for that.
Don't you get it, you idiot? Everything's changed because of you.
No more killing, no more racing, I don't I just want to move on.
Okay? Your incessantly annoying morality speech finally got to me.
Just hope you found whatever it was you were looking for here.
I did.
Are you flirting with me? Maybe.
[music swells.]
Hey, Arthur? Yeah? Is that cement drying or are you just happy to see me? You ruined paradise! A specialty of mine.
Julian Slink, master of mayhem, at your service.
You get the hell out of my church! - [groans.]
- [cracking.]
- [whimpers.]
- Touch the suit again - and see what happens.
- [groans.]
This man is the devil.
He's been sent from hell to destroy everything we've built in Cronenburgh.
Please, Reverend.
All I did was turn off the happy gas.
I was passing through your little hamlet when I stumbled up on you.
The beauty queens who've been stunted by lies! No.
That's not true.
Brothers and sisters, the gas the gas, the gas, the gas, the gas, the gas shows you what you want to see! Love, acceptance, perfection.
But I see the world as it really is.
Brutal and unforgiving.
There's a reason your good Reverend here still looks human, while the rest of you all look like Satan's butthole.
There is an antidote and he's been keeping it for himself.
No! That is not true! This man is a liar! You don't want anyone to have the cure because it gives you the power it gives you the power, the power, the power over you! The power over you! And the power over you! All this time you've been wallowing here, there's a big world out there.
Is it rough? Yes, it is.
But it's real.
It's real, it is real, it is real, it is real! - But you've been tricked! - No.
You've been tricked and you're following this sad, lonely, despicable man! Can I get an amen? Can I get an amen? - Can I get an amen? - No, no! No! The devil! [screams.]
[yelling.]
[screaming.]
There.
Now we can all be miserable.
Sorry about that.
So you two ready to go yet? Oh, dear.
Oh, you washed it.
How thoughtful.
Well, you know me.
How the hell do you always do that? Ah, ah, ah.
More fun when she drives.
You know, Arthur, I'm feeling pretty good without these brain bombs.
- How about you? - Oh, me too.
What do you say we ditch this guy - and get the hell out of here? - Yeah, let's cut class.
You could do that.
And I could chase you and fight and blah, blah, blah.
Or you could keep your promise and go on one last adventure.
After that, good riddance.
You two lovebirds can flit off into the sunset for all I care.
What I have planned for Heart Enterprises will have them begging at my feet.
I get a sweet overall and you get to get to the bottom of this bizarre obsession they have with you and your sister.
I'm not making a deal with the devil.
Arthur.
We already did.
What do you say? One last detour.
We can handle that.
You may not get the answers you want.
Yeah, but I have to try.
Yeah.
It was nice while it lasted, huh? Taste of the normal life.
We'll get it back.
Next time, it'll be for real.
Road trip! And I brought my world-famous mixtape.
[Debbie Gibsons's "Only In My Dreams".]
Ah Ah No, only in my dreams As real as it may seem It was only in my dreams
- [grunting.]
- [gunshot.]
Shit, you're hurt.
He needs more blood than you can give.
- Are you prepared to die? - What do you think? Our connection caused a kernel boot error.
[gasps.]
What does that even mean? - It means I love you.
- You're becoming human.
Arthur? Arthur! [light music.]
Lemonade! Get your lemonade! Howdy, traveler.
Lemonade? Daddy! Are you okay? Hey! Nobody steals from my girls.
Sorry.
I'm just joshing.
Jeff Warrens.
You can call me Warrens, JW, J-Dubs.
- Arthur.
- It's a pleasure, Arty man.
Now, I'm sure you've seen a lot out there in that wasteland, but don't worry, you're safe from The Scar here.
Welcome to Cronenburgh! [laughs.]
[sweeping hopeful music.]
[church bells ringing.]
[ominous music.]
[rock music.]
I'll be back, baby.
[light music.]
God damn it, Barbie.
Where are you? [bike bell dinging.]
- Unbelievable.
- What? I'm surprised you're even alive this close to The Scar.
We got folks coming in from all over, looking for a fresh start.
Looking for a way out of their funk.
- Do they find it? - They never leave.
Something amazing happens when you allow yourself to see the beauty in everything.
Everything starts seeing the beauty in you.
You smell that? Smells like cinnamon toast.
- Or a gas leak.
- That's just our construction.
Pardon our dust.
This close to The Scar, we gotta patch up small cracks from the occasional tremors.
Nothing to worry about.
I hope I'm not being too forward, but it seems to me like you're a man looking for a sense of purpose.
Maybe Cronenburgh's just the place for a man like you.
Thanks, but my life is complicated right now.
Nothing complicated here, though.
There's friendly faces safe from the pain of that world.
You know, we're having a town party tonight at the church.
I'm sure everybody'd love to meet you.
I'm not really in the best shape.
Ah, come on.
That's just a scratch.
You don't need a doctor.
You need a party.
Sorry, ma'am.
The last guy cleaned us all out.
"Ma'am," okay.
How about I give you $2 to never call me that again? And 27 cents to take me to your last customer.
As requested, the god has arrived.
I know you don't like too much song and dance, so let's get right down to the pitch.
I've got sequels, spin-offs, tie-in comic books to explain away all this weird mythology.
Okay, how about a video game? We didn't bring you here to pitch.
We found a loophole in your contract that gets us around this holding deal.
Slink, you're fired.
[chair wheels squeaking.]
Grace and Arthur have been testing off the charts, - and you lost them.
- Why are you so hung up on those two? I know what my audience wants.
Testing is for the weak and feeble brain.
Those weak and feeble test groups were the only reason we kept the race going at all.
Arthur and Grace, they've disappeared into The Scar.
- They're dead and gone.
- You'd better hope not.
Right now, you're just fired.
But if we can't get those two back on the road, I will run your show into the ground and make you watch every single moment with your eyelids stapled to your skull.
[gentle music.]
Grace.
You look mad.
I 'm sorry I left you [grunts.]
Oh, don't worry.
I don't hold grudges.
So I gave you half my blood and this is how you thank me? I'm glad you're okay.
But I'm kinda doing my own thing now.
Isn't this great? Hey, pro tip.
Next time you try to abandon someone, don't leave a breadcrumb trail of lost pages.
I didn't lose it.
I'm done with it.
And you should be too.
Wait, but why? This is the stuff that's gonna help us take down Heart.
What's the point? Oh, I don't know.
That they're evil and they need to be stopped.
[laughs.]
What the hell happened to you at that restaurant? This isn't you.
Say we take down Heart and arrest all the people that killed Karma.
Then what? World's still a pretty crappy place.
There's no end game.
So maybe we just stop when we find somewhere nice.
Why can't you just accept when good things happen? - I mean, look around.
- At what? Greenery? - Perfect houses? - Oh, boy.
The offensive number of floral headbands? - Here we go.
- Arthur, stop.
Whatever it is that these Stepford assholes are trying to sell you on, - don't buy it.
- No.
No one's selling me anything.
I like it here.
No, you're just not thinking straight.
Are you sure? I mean, maybe this is all a reward.
- For what? - For all of the shit that we've been through.
I have an idea.
Before you pass judgment, come to a party with me.
[upbeat accordion music.]
Reeks like Jersey in here.
I mean, what is that delightful smell? It's something from the construction.
So glad you could join us.
[chuckles.]
And you brought a plus one.
And who is this ravishing goddess? - [laughs.]
- Her name is Grace and she can speak all by herself.
How rude of me.
Grace is my traveling companion.
Mm, I can tell she's entertaining company.
Oh, you can say that again.
Oh, and here is the man of the hour.
This whole night is all for him.
This is our town cobbler, David, and his peach of a wife, Melanie.
Oh, stop.
Dad says that about all his daughters.
Guilty.
But really, Mel Bell is something special.
Arthur and Grace here might be our newest residents.
- Welcome to Cronenburgh.
- Thank you so much - for having us - What's wrong with this picture? You don't have a drink in your hand.
- Oh.
- [laughs.]
May I freshen you up? Man, you do not take a hint, do you? What the hell? More free booze never hurt anyone.
You know, I can tell you think that this is too good to be true.
But that doesn't mean you don't deserve it.
We just met.
How the hell do you know what I deserve? I can smell it.
- Can't you? - I can smell something.
How do you get stuff to grow so close to The Scar? You were saying? I can't remember.
I-I'm so sorry.
I apologize for being so rude earlier.
Arthur knows anger sometimes just gets the best of me.
Aw, not at all.
[chuckles.]
I think you're actually quite a hoot.
[both laugh.]
- Did I just giggle? - And what's wrong with that? Come on, let yourself have a good time.
When I first stumbled upon this little oasis, I wasn't so sure.
But Mr.
Warrens, ah Ah, he's quite a convincer.
[laughs.]
And here we are, five years later.
[laughs.]
You two are the American dream.
So, Arthur, we don't quite know how to say this, but I was talking to Warrens and we'd like to make you Cronenburgh's new cobbler.
Oh, wow.
Uh I'm flattered, but I don't know how to make shoes.
And aren't you the town cobbler? I'm retiring.
And you'll learn in jiffy.
'Cause here in Cronenburgh, you have all the time in the world.
Okay.
I I can't really say no to the birthday boy, now can I? [both laughing.]
Oh, this isn't David's birthday.
- No, no.
- Anniversary.
No, Arthur.
Tonight we're celebrating my life.
This is my wake.
Oh, I'm so sorry, I - I had no idea.
- No, don't be.
I've lived a wonderful life beside this gorgeous, gorgeous gal.
But here in Cronenburgh, my father believes in celebrating life by passing it on to the living.
Passing all parts of our life to other people.
Like your clothes and CDs and stuff.
[both laughing.]
No, no, no.
Arthur, no, no.
What we're trying to say is when I'm dead and gone, I want you to take my wife.
Jeff Warrens, J-Dub.
Grace Warrens.
[giggles.]
What's gotten into me? He's not even my type, but he's just so dreamy.
- I wonder how my makeup looks.
- [children laughing.]
[dramatic music.]
Please, no.
- Please, stop.
- Aki! - Stop, no! - Aki! - Please, stop! - Aki! Aki! - No! No! - Aki.
You scared me.
Were you having a nightmare? I wasn't asleep.
I was remembering things.
I hurt you and I love you.
Heart knows I'm a human now.
They're gonna punish me and I deserve it.
Don't talk like that.
You're not that person anymore.
And I'm not gonna let them find you.
They made me hurt you.
So we should hurt them.
I was on the inside.
I know how to breach their security protocols.
Too dangerous.
Let's stick with the plan and find Arthur.
With him on the outside and your Intel from the inside, we'll know all Heart's weak spots.
Okay.
But Arthur's halfway across the country by now.
If we wanna get to him, we need a fast car.
And I know where to hitch a ride.
[light upbeat music.]
- Am I doing it right? - Well, the good news is you're now the town cobbler, so you can make yourself a double pair of lefties for your two left feet! - Whoo-hoo! - Hey, twinkle toes, - you gotta see this.
- Hang on, let me finish.
- No, Arthur, stop.
- Hey - No, stop, stop, stop.
- What are you doing? Look at the reflection.
These people are freaks.
- You're the only one freaking.
- Look, Arthur.
- Get that away from me.
- Look! Look at that guy's face! That girl doesn't even have a face! [music stops.]
Beloved, charm is deceitful.
And beauty is vanity.
But the woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 30:31.
- Amen.
- Fuck you, Billy Graham.
Mirrors are forbidden because they are a symbol of vanity.
And ego is not welcome here at our celebration.
Whoa, hey! Come on, not here.
Just come with me.
Play the music! Let's party! Not only do you sound insane, you're being disrespectful.
We're at a man's wake.
He's still alive! Arthur, come on, this place is seriously fucked up.
- We need to go.
- Why do you always have to go digging for pain and suffering? Why can't you just accept what you see? I've been trying to tell you, these people are not normal.
Well, I haven't seen one drop of blood since I've been here, and I can't exactly say I have the same track record with you.
This is not the Arthur I know.
Well, I know who I am.
And, for once, I'm at peace with myself.
Do you seriously believe this shit? What's so hard to believe? I'm the cobbler now.
My brand new wife is beautiful.
She is named Melanie and the old cobbler gave her to me as a present because he's killing himself.
This is all perfectly normal.
Denial is not the same thing as peace, you dipshit.
My fiancée would never call me a dipshit.
She's totally chill.
Okay.
Fuck you.
[eerie music.]
Be thou my vision O Lord of my heart Arthur, will you help me with this? - [doors creaking.]
- [voices whispering.]
What is that? That's The Scar, son.
The real Scar.
Not that barren desert that covers the top.
Waking or sleeping You sure he's really that sick? Seems like he's still so - alive.
- It's an honor, Not a death sentence.
He's terminal, and this is how he's chosen to go.
I understand.
But don't you think he should spend his last days at home? I know death is upsetting, Arthur.
Just take a deep breath.
Tell my great father [mysterious music.]
Family, this man is a hero.
And we honor his spirit by feeding it to The Scar.
And his gift will feed our souls for another year.
Amen! [voice trailing off.]
[eerie music.]
[sighs.]
It's just so beautiful.
[thrilling music.]
Holy fuck.
[gasps.]
[gasps.]
Snoopy, snoopy.
- Oh.
- That's my special outfit for my wedding night.
Shouldn't you be at your husband's party? Husband? Oh.
Oh, right, him.
I I thought you meant the new one.
Arthur's cute, isn't he? [grunts.]
It's the withdrawals.
Shouldn't have covered your face.
[grunts.]
Yeah, all right.
[sniffs.]
[typing.]
Company benefits terminated.
[typing.]
401k drained back into the company fund and, uh, what do you want for your meal? Oh, well, I wasn't expecting a meal.
I suppose something gluten free.
All this stress has me breaking out.
You sure? Most people want steak and ice cream for their last meal.
- Last what? - Dolores wanted toast.
She's so modest.
I never told her I loved her.
[gasps, clears throat.]
Sorry, a little scattered.
Gary's off sick.
He's left me with all of these Blood Drive mileage reimbursements and he knows I can't do math.
Ah.
Tell me more about these mileage reimbursements.
Your job must be so fascinating.
Oh, well, you see, we get readings off the wireless odometers.
So we can get the mileage and then Heart can deduct wear and tear in tax season.
Ah, well you know, there's a very, very easy way to calculate that.
Release me and I'll show you.
No can do, sir.
Safety protocol.
Ah.
I understand.
Shame.
Be so sad to see a nice guy like yourself get castrated over a clerical error, when I can so easily show you on the wall map over there.
[box unlocks.]
Okay.
Let's take, say, Arthur and Grace.
Arthur and Grace.
How many miles since their last stop? 370 miles.
All right.
So if they've gone 370 miles from here, that means the only town with civilization within his radius is here.
I'm lost.
[grunts.]
[sickening thud.]
I'm not.
So I was on my way to my dress fitting, and I thought you might be working up an appetite in here.
Aww! You're a gem, Mel Bell.
Thanks.
Of course.
Wow, the place looks great.
Yeah.
Feels like home.
And, hey, not bad for my first one, huh? I was just about to give her a good polish.
I must say, I'm impressed how well you're settling in.
You're handling it with a lot of grace.
Grace.
Grace.
That sounds so familiar.
- Do we know someone named Grace? - So, I'm looking forward to showing you the master suite after the wedding.
- I'm counting the milliseconds.
- [laughs.]
[dramatic music.]
What what's wrong, honey? Nothing.
I'm just a little ticklish, is all.
Oh.
I see you've finally come 'round.
Hard to resist that Cronenburgh charm, hm? You wish.
Reality sucks, doesn't it? You know, I used to be just like you, Grace.
Mad at the world.
Until I learned to stop - and take a deep breath.
- No, what you did is drug everyone and put them under a fucked up spell.
- I'm helping them.
- Right.
Saving them from their pain.
I can tell you feel pain, Grace.
I can see it in your face.
But I'm giving you a chance at happiness tonight, at the wedding.
And watch Arthur marry that Skeletor? Yeah.
No thanks.
Where else are you gonna go, Grace? Your world fell.
Ours is still standing.
Your world is a lie.
Perception is a lie.
Our happiness is real.
You can share it with us.
Don't fight it.
I'd rather die knowing who I really am fucked up flaws and all than to play house with freaks like you.
Very well.
At sunset, you get your wish.
[bell dings.]
[electronic music.]
We're running out of time.
Heart security doesn't patrol here like they do at the main offices.
We'll be fine.
We just have to crack this pass code.
Try 123.
1234? - I'm in.
- [rock music.]
Jaguar for the shell with the Blood Drive engine.
What do you think about blue rims? No, wait.
Yellow.
Blue.
Definitely blue.
Too late.
We've gone for silver.
Man.
Overdrive foot to the floor Overdrive give me more Overdrive above the law - Overdrive - Shit.
All we need is the gas.
You put the steering wheel on the wrong side.
Ready to go? It's strange leaving here when I've never lived anywhere else.
I know you're scared.
Besides, maybe you have seen the world and don't remember it.
Maybe Heart erased all your memories and replaced them with new ones.
After we find Arthur, I wanna make a real memory with you.
We're starting right now.
[engine starts.]
Overdrive Overdrive Strawberry lemonade, get your strawberry lemonade.
Howdy, traveler.
Lemonade? Hard pass on the blood piss, child.
Now, tell me where your daddy lives.
all: Of every blessing Tune my heart to sing thy grace Streams of mercy Wedding day jitters are perfectly normal.
They'll disappear, as soon as you say "I do.
" Welcome to the family, son.
[truck beeping.]
Put me down! Where are you taking me? Stop.
Wait a sec, I know you.
- You're Grace.
- Arthur, snap out of it! I'm gonna kill you.
You look so handsome.
Thank you, you're very beautiful.
Snap out of it! You were always so special to me.
It means so much that you'd come to the ceremony.
It's The Scar.
It's The Scar.
Don't believe any of it.
I can't wait to die for your happiness.
Arthur, please help me! It's all a woman could ever want.
Arthur! Barbie! Barbie! Could we pull over? I feel what do humans call it? - Fucked up.
- You carsick? I'm sorry.
Drink.
It might make you feel better.
[burps.]
You okay? - [vomits.]
- [intense music.]
Ah! Goddamn! [retches, coughs.]
I'm fine.
Keep driving.
[vomits.]
["Wedding March" playing.]
Shit.
Aww, she's beautiful.
There's no woman better, sir.
- Barbie! - Please, call me Dad.
I can fucking hear you guys.
Goddammit, get me out of here! You look unbelievable.
[sniffs, clears throat.]
God, oh.
Oh, um, that's just the nerves sometimes messes with the sinuses.
Dearly beloved family - [dramatic sting.]
- We are gathered here To celebrate the love of these two wonderful people.
[doors busting open.]
[intense music.]
[screaming.]
- I know you.
- Which is why I have to assume my invitation was lost in the mail.
We're in the middle of a ceremony.
Pardonne moi, I'm only saving you from making the biggest mistake of your life.
You're a handsome, virile young man.
Don't ruin it by settling down so soon.
[sniffing.]
That and your bride's a mutant.
Would you shut up? You're ruining this.
Kiss me! - Whoa! Oh! Ahh! - Arthur! - [splashing.]
- Boy, is he ever gonna thank me for this one.
This place is a shit hole.
Everyone, everyone, uh, the pain is only temporary.
It's gonna be okay, family.
[groans.]
[gasping.]
Aren't you glad I came to save you? Right.
My knight in shining Arthur.
See if you can find a foothold for me to step on.
[grunts.]
It's too slippery.
I can't Easy, easy.
It's like quicksand.
The more you struggle, the harder it is.
Oh, God.
Oh, my head is killing me.
It's the withdrawals.
Withdrawals from what? Is super sleuth still trying to figure it out? Arthur, gas from The Scar was causing hallucinations.
Crazy, huh? But since I've plugged the hole or should I say, you plugged the hole this town can finally see itself for what it really is.
Cleveland.
[vomiting.]
[coughs.]
We need to keep going.
You're in pain.
I'm not as human as I thought.
Heart security protocols are still active.
Let's wait it out.
Maybe with No.
You need to go.
I may have triggered a tracking device.
They could be on their way.
I can't leave you here.
You have to.
Go find Arthur.
Make Heart pay for what they've done.
And when that's done, I'll be waiting.
And I'll be free.
Now please taste my rainbow.
[somber music.]
[dramatic music.]
Get us the hell out of here! Not until you think about what you've done.
Naughty, naughty! Cut the shit, Slink! Tell us what your game is.
Drive or die, Barbie doll.
I'll save your pathetic little lives if you agree to go on one last adventure with me.
Bullshit.
Like you don't want us dead.
Things have changed.
In two minutes, that muck'll fill your pretty, little mouth.
Let's see how stubborn you are then! - Ah! - [screams.]
Where the hell are you going? Grace, I need to tell you something.
Yeah, I I already figured.
- You're gay.
- What? No, I I know you're pissed about me leaving you at the Chinese restaurant, but I couldn't stand up for you when I couldn't stand looking at myself.
[tender music.]
Look, Arthur, I never needed you to stand up for me.
I just needed you.
I didn't want to drag you into my shit.
It's a little too late for that.
Don't you get it, you idiot? Everything's changed because of you.
No more killing, no more racing, I don't I just want to move on.
Okay? Your incessantly annoying morality speech finally got to me.
Just hope you found whatever it was you were looking for here.
I did.
Are you flirting with me? Maybe.
[music swells.]
Hey, Arthur? Yeah? Is that cement drying or are you just happy to see me? You ruined paradise! A specialty of mine.
Julian Slink, master of mayhem, at your service.
You get the hell out of my church! - [groans.]
- [cracking.]
- [whimpers.]
- Touch the suit again - and see what happens.
- [groans.]
This man is the devil.
He's been sent from hell to destroy everything we've built in Cronenburgh.
Please, Reverend.
All I did was turn off the happy gas.
I was passing through your little hamlet when I stumbled up on you.
The beauty queens who've been stunted by lies! No.
That's not true.
Brothers and sisters, the gas the gas, the gas, the gas, the gas, the gas shows you what you want to see! Love, acceptance, perfection.
But I see the world as it really is.
Brutal and unforgiving.
There's a reason your good Reverend here still looks human, while the rest of you all look like Satan's butthole.
There is an antidote and he's been keeping it for himself.
No! That is not true! This man is a liar! You don't want anyone to have the cure because it gives you the power it gives you the power, the power, the power over you! The power over you! And the power over you! All this time you've been wallowing here, there's a big world out there.
Is it rough? Yes, it is.
But it's real.
It's real, it is real, it is real, it is real! - But you've been tricked! - No.
You've been tricked and you're following this sad, lonely, despicable man! Can I get an amen? Can I get an amen? - Can I get an amen? - No, no! No! The devil! [screams.]
[yelling.]
[screaming.]
There.
Now we can all be miserable.
Sorry about that.
So you two ready to go yet? Oh, dear.
Oh, you washed it.
How thoughtful.
Well, you know me.
How the hell do you always do that? Ah, ah, ah.
More fun when she drives.
You know, Arthur, I'm feeling pretty good without these brain bombs.
- How about you? - Oh, me too.
What do you say we ditch this guy - and get the hell out of here? - Yeah, let's cut class.
You could do that.
And I could chase you and fight and blah, blah, blah.
Or you could keep your promise and go on one last adventure.
After that, good riddance.
You two lovebirds can flit off into the sunset for all I care.
What I have planned for Heart Enterprises will have them begging at my feet.
I get a sweet overall and you get to get to the bottom of this bizarre obsession they have with you and your sister.
I'm not making a deal with the devil.
Arthur.
We already did.
What do you say? One last detour.
We can handle that.
You may not get the answers you want.
Yeah, but I have to try.
Yeah.
It was nice while it lasted, huh? Taste of the normal life.
We'll get it back.
Next time, it'll be for real.
Road trip! And I brought my world-famous mixtape.
[Debbie Gibsons's "Only In My Dreams".]
Ah Ah No, only in my dreams As real as it may seem It was only in my dreams