Bob Hearts Abishola (2019) s01e06 Episode Script

Ralph Lauren and Fish

1 I'm guessing you didn't see a lot of snow in Nigeria.
Never.
The first time was in that movie Home Alone.
What'd you think? - They should not have left him alone.
- (CHUCKLES) I've seen a lot of snow in Detroit.
One of my favorite memories from when I was a kid was waking up early in the morning and looking out that window, seeing everything covered in a thick white blanket of snow.
And if they canceled school, me and my friends would - play in it all day.
- (LAUGHS) - Why is that funny? - Canceling school? In Nigeria, we would have terrible floods.
Homes would be washed away, and we'd still go to school.
Well, that's not fair.
Although it's probably not much fun playing in a flood.
Mm, no.
So snow is new to you.
What else? Electricity all day and all night.
Is that a problem in Nigeria? (SCOFFS) The electric company there sucks very much.
Corruption or incompetence? - Yes.
- (LAUGHS) What else? Here in America, I am black.
Aren't you black everywhere? Yes, but in Nigeria, I never thought about the color of my skin.
I was just Abishola Bolatito Doyinsola Oluwatoyin Adebambo.
Just? Here, every time I walk out the door, I'm continually reminded that I am a black woman.
I never thought about it that way.
Do you ever go to work or shopping or to church and think "I am a white man"? No.
Come to Nigeria and you will.
(BOTH LAUGH) Black woman, would you like to have dinner with a white man? - Yes.
Justin Timberlake.
- Come on.
(CHUCKLES) But I'd also like to have dinner with you.
Great.
I had a whole speech for when you said no.
- I got nothing for yes.
- (LAUGHS) ("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING) (SNIFFS) (SNIFFS) Something wrong? No.
Everything is fine.
Sorry.
Come on, Goody, tell me.
I just noticed you are wearing Ralph Lauren cologne.
I am.
How'd you know that? Whenever my father tried to cause my mother to be in the mood, he would always wear Ralph Lauren cologne.
Did it work? I am one of seven children.
Okay, well, that's encouraging.
Are you trying to cause your Nigerian lady friend - to be in the mood? - Yeah, I guess.
I mean, I don't see any upside - to just smelling like Dial soap.
- You sure? Dial is for all the moments we get closer.
I enjoy their commercials.
Um, I'm still gonna go with the cologne.
- May I give you some advice? - Please.
Nigerian women tend to be very strong-willed.
Very assertive.
Yeah, that sounds like Abishola.
They will dominate you unless you exhibit your own strength.
Well, that's adorable, but as a rule, the ladies do not boss around Bob Wheeler.
Of course.
My mistake.
- But thanks for the tip.
- You're very welcome.
- Goodwin.
- Hmm? Schmuck.
Schmuck! (BOTH CHUCKLING) Mm.
Don't make it too fancy.
Why not? This is a date.
A proper date.
After which, who knows what might happen? Nothing will happen.
He will take me home, I'll give him a kiss on the cheek good night, and then try to get to my room without talking to my auntie and uncle.
And what about me? - I'll tell you about it on the bus tomorrow.
- (SCOFFS) If the date goes the way you say it will, don't bother.
Are you trying to make me nervous? I'm trying to help you.
Bob is an American man.
He's not giving up a night with his "buddies" at the Buffalo Wild Wings just for a kiss on the cheek.
You are wrong.
He'll be patient.
He's a gentleman.
Too bad for you.
Stop it.
Maybe after a couple of glasses of wine, you will loosen up.
I'm not drinking wine.
Oh, too bad for Bob.
(SIGHS) What kind of car does he drive? Cadillac.
- Oh.
- What? Never mind.
You are too old for the backseat.
- I swear, I'll punch you.
- Try it.
Ow! Okay.
(MUTTERS) (SIGHS) How much longer? Nearly finished.
Another two hours.
Here's the tax stuff you asked for.
Thanks.
Just put it there.
Ooh, somebody smells like Playboy After Dark.
It's Ralph Lauren.
Maybe it smells different on him.
- You got a date tonight? - Yeah.
Your little African friend? Yeah.
- Where you taking her? - Uh, Riverwalk Steakhouse.
- Oh - What's wrong with it? It's where old white people take their parents for dinner.
Thanks, but we'll be fine.
At least bring her somewhere where she feels at home.
- Where would that be? - I don't know.
Someplace you can eat with your fingers.
Really, Mom? Well, they're not the chopstick people.
Okay, I need to get going soon, - so let me finish this up.
- Sure.
- Have fun tonight.
- I will.
I hope you know I don't have a racist bone in my body.
I know that.
I'd be so proud to have a grandchild who looks like Tiger Woods.
Halle Berry? - Good night, Mom.
- Night-night.
What's wrong with me? I forgot Barack Obama.
He's my favorite one! NEWSMAN (ON TV): China said Wednesday it would free the crew of The sock man will be here any minute.
Go put on something nice.
What is wrong with what I am wearing? Tunde, look at me, and look at you.
Sexy.
Go! - What is this? - A sandwich.
Those are not sandwich clothes.
(SNIFFING) That's a lot of perfume, bro.
Welcome.
Thank you.
Please.
You look nice.
Are you going somewhere? Just over there.
Safe travels.
Thank you.
Good evening, Bob.
(CHUCKLES): Hey, Dele.
- You're looking sharp.
- Thank you.
You got a little mustard on your shirt there.
Oh, God.
AUNTIE OLU: Tunde, is someone here? Oh, Bob.
Hello.
Hello, Auntie.
Uh, these are for you.
Oh, thank you so much.
(CHUCKLES) Put 'em in water.
So, Bob, what's up with you? Just my cholesterol.
(CHUCKLES) Yes, we are both unhealthy.
He's here! Two minutes.
So, Bob, what is up with you? I already asked.
He said his cholesterol.
(LAUGHS) Mine, too.
Hello, Bob.
Wow, you look beautiful.
You're welcome.
- These are for you.
- Thank you.
- Tunde.
- Uh, I'll put them in water.
- Shall we? - Yes.
Thank you.
Good night.
ALL: Good night.
- Good night.
- ALL: Good night.
- (DOOR CLOSES) - He smelled wonderful.
Oh, I forgot to take a picture for the Instagram.
Wait! Wait! Thank you.
(SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) It's okay, we're from California.
Why did you say that? I'm just messing with her.
Oh, because of the racism.
We are also Jewish.
(BOTH LAUGHING) That was fun.
You believe this? We're on a real date.
I know.
It seems like only yesterday you were a strange man bringing socks to my home.
That was a little weird, wasn't it? That was a lot of weird.
Eh, it'll be a good story we can tell our friends.
What? I can't get over how beautiful you are.
(SIGHS) Stop, you're embarrassing me.
Sorry.
Would you like a glass of wine? Are you getting some? Yeah, it's a special occasion.
Celebrate, loosen up.
What if I do not wish to loosen up? Well, then, tight is always an option.
Well, maybe I'll have one glass of wine.
Great.
Red or white? A-A dry California chardonnay would be nice.
- You know your wines.
- I was a waitress in London when I went to nursing school.
- I didn't know you lived in London.
- Mm-hmm.
And Barcelona and Hamburg and Cape Town.
Wow.
I keep thinking I know who you are and then I realize there's so much more.
Mm.
I keep thinking I know who you are.
- And? - I think I've got it.
Yeah, what you see is what you get.
I like what I see.
Excuse me.
Can we get two glasses of your best California chardonnay? - Of course.
- Uh, Russian River Valley or Carneros, preferably 2007.
And in those nice glasses.
So, what is good here? Well, they are known for their steaks.
The rib eye, medium rare.
You're not getting that, are you? - Why not? - Bob, you recently had a heart attack.
Yeah, and I feel fine.
No, you cannot have steak.
Okay, I-I'm pretty sure I can.
(CHUCKLES) But I won't.
No.
It's fine.
Good.
Just so we're clear, uh, while it happens to line up with your suggestion, I'm making the decision to have fish or chicken.
- You'll have fish.
- Damn right I'll have fish.
So, I'm guessing french fries are a bad idea.
- Spinach.
- Okay.
Fish and spinach at a steak house.
Sure.
You know, I was warned that Nigerian women can be kind of pushy.
That's a very unfair generalization.
That's what I told the guy.
Thank you for dinner.
That was very nice.
You're welcome.
Did you enjoy the salmon? It was all right.
I mean, it was No.
I'm sorry.
That's okay, you were just looking out for me.
You know, we could do something else.
I don't have to go straight home.
Oh, great.
I was gonna go get a burger.
You can watch me eat it.
- Bob.
- I'm kidding.
- (PHONE RINGING) - Ah, that's my sister.
Hang on a second.
Little busy, Christina.
What's up? CHRISTINA (OVER PHONE): Mom's acting really weird.
What's that supposed to mean? We were having dinner and she suddenly had trouble talking.
Trouble how? She's slurring all her words.
You called to tell me Mom is drunk? Christina, this is Abishola.
The African chick? Yes, the African chick.
Point at an object and ask your mother to name it.
- Why? - Just do it.
What's this, Mom? DOTTIE: Spun.
- CHRISTINA: No, spoon.
- DOTTIE: Spun.
CHRISTINA: Oh, God, what's happening? Stay calm.
Ask her to raise both arms and keep them upright.
Mom, raise your arms up.
What's going on? (QUIETLY): Your mother might be having a stroke.
Her right arm fell down.
Okay, you need to call an ambulance right now.
Oh, my God.
Tell them to take you to Woodward Memorial Hospital.
We have a comprehensive stroke center.
Bob and I will meet you there.
Stroke? Is Mom gonna die? Christina, you need to keep it together and call 911.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
Where's my phone? You're on it.
She'll be okay.
- Where's Mom? - I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know? How can you not know? I don't know.
What is wrong with you? Are you on something? That I do know.
X anax.
Where did you get drugs? Mom's purse.
She also has this old iPod.
Look at this thing.
It looks like a bar of soap.
Wait here.
I'll find out what's going on.
- Okay.
- Ooh.
Mentos.
Yay.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) (SIGHS) - Hey.
- Bob, where the hell are you? Uh, I-I don't know, we're in the waiting area place.
- On the sixth floor? - Yes.
- On the sixth floor.
- Bob.
- What? - Look at this.
Magic.
So, when you came out of the elevator, - which way did you turn? - I didn't turn anywhere.
I went straight.
Okay, out of the elevator, you have to turn right and we're just at the end of the hall.
On my way.
(QUIETLY): Turn right.
Where'd my fingers go? What the? (SCOFFS) (GROANS) What now? Yeah, I did what you said.
There's no waiting room.
Okay, can you see the nurses' station? There is no nurses' station.
War, huh Good God, y'all, what is it good for? Okay, well, what do you see? - Uh, a window.
- Absolutely nothing - A wheelchair.
- I'll say it again, war Uh, oh, there's a sign.
Uh, "The Irv and Rhonda Nettleman Palsy Pavilion.
" - Never mind.
W-Where are you parked? - N-N-N-N-N-No N-N-N-N-N-N-N-No "Structure L.
Level P9.
" - Okay, which tower? - N-N-N-No What do you mean "which tower"? There's two towers.
Which one are you in? It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker Oh, uh, sorry, what tower am I in? - South.
- South.
- Okay, we're in the North Tower.
- Well, where's that? I don't know, somewhere north of you.
Oh.
I think I see it.
I'm waving.
Can you see me? No, I can't see you! All right, calm down! I'll be right there! - Idiot.
- (SINGING INDISTINCTLY) (SIGHS) (LOUDLY): You want me to find him? No.
You stay.
Are you sure? I-I can find him anywhere.
We have that twin connection.
No, you don't.
Hold on.
- He's on his way.
- (GROANS) Kemi, go home.
I won't be back for a while.
No, I am not at the Motel 6 with Bob.
I'm at the hospital.
His mother just had a stroke.
Why would I lie about that? I have to go.
- Anything? - No, not yet.
(SIGHS) - You mad at me? - No.
You seem mad.
- Please, Christina, not right now.
- Okay.
That's my big brother.
He's mad at me.
- What's going on? - Yeah, what's going on? Your mother is out of surgery.
It went well.
You should be able to see her soon.
Okay.
Does that mean she's okay? There's no permanent damage? Is there damage? Uh, these are questions you have to ask the doctor.
- Okay, I will.
- I will, too.
I can't thank you enough.
Yeah, thank you enough.
For God's sakes, Christina, take a break! Did he seem mad to you? No, just worried.
Oh.
Well, that's my brother.
Always worrying about everybody else.
He's a good man.
(CHUCKLES) He is.
You know, when our dad died, my mom totally fell apart.
Bob had to leave college to take care of me and Douglas.
He took care of Mom, too.
- Everybody.
- Mm.
You're lucky to have him.
I am.
Oh, just a heads-up.
If you break his heart, I'll hunt you down and kill you.
Yeah.
- Thanks for the warning.
- Mm.
It's the only one you'll get.
Please, God, take care of my mother.
(SNIFFLES) (SIGHS) Oh, God! Which way? Excuse me! Person! - Yes? - Can you help me? Am I in the north or the south tower of the hospital? You're in the Holiday Inn.
Oh, damn! Hold on, Mom, I'm coming!