Bob's Burgers s09e17 Episode Script

What About Blob?

1 It's so unfair I got in trouble today.
So unfair.
Right? I mean, there I was, grooving my way into probably the most revolutionary sound the world has ever heard, and Mr.
Frond calls it a "major disturbance"? (babbling) Gene Belcher, dear God in heaven.
But you were going for annoying, right? No.
It's a special sound.
With a special purpose, I assume.
Alarm clock companies are always looking for new sounds.
(groans) Come on, let's go to the bar.
I want to knock back a couple before going home.
(sighs) That takes the edge off.
(shudders) Oysters.
I miss the dumpling house days.
Yeah, and the taco truck days.
Nah, I'm over those places.
Dollar oysters are my new tacos.
One more Kumamoto, please, Charles.
- You got it, Gene.
- Ew.
Look at that green blob.
No judgment.
Looks like if whale diarrhea and Gene's diarrhea had a baby.
- Aw.
- It might be ugly, but that right there is the most important stuff in the entire ocean.
It's plankton.
- Plankton, you say? - Yeah.
It's the food small critters eat, like these oysters.
Then the small critters get eaten by big critters and so on, all the way up to Godzilla.
You hear that? You sure you guys don't want to try one? It's full of plankton and tastes like delicious post-nasal drip.
(slurps) Mm (retches) (metal clicking) Can you believe I got banned from making an amazing sound very much like this at school? You could also stop making that sound here.
Yeah, Gene, I love your sounds, but this one is killing me.
It's a little annoying.
Annoying? Yeah, this is the album where your fans go, "Ooh, what happened?" And then you go to rehab and your comeback is amazing.
(groans) Okay, you know what? That's about all the negativity a boy can take in one day.
- Aw, where you going, sweetie? - I need some fresh air.
But Gene hates fresh air.
Tina, Louise, you better go with him.
It's getting dark out.
But you said these menus won't wipe themselves.
- So they will wipe themselves.
- Just go.
Annoying? Just wait.
When I'm dead, my sounds are gonna be in the Top 40 and you guys are gonna say, "Gene was doing that years ago.
" (grunts) What the ? That's weird.
Are you seeing this? Yeah.
Let me try.
- LOUISE and GENE: Whoa - TINA: Damn.
And underwater aliens will be snatching us in three, two - Whoa.
- Ooh.
Well, that is just You are gorgeous, whatever you are.
I I love you, magic water? - TREV: Nice bags! - What? Let me guess, you bought stuff for your burgers? Uh, yeah.
- That's what I thought.
- Wait, sorry, Trev.
Was that supposed to be an insult? - Zoom? - I guess it was.
Jimmy put me in charge while he's out of town.
He's in Key Largo.
Then Montego.
He's trying to hit every place in the song "Kokomo.
" - Uh-huh.
- It's weird not having Jimmy around.
Okay, Trev, uh.
I need to go inside now.
These bags are starting to get heavy.
And, uh, I want to.
- Trev is acting weird.
- He misses Jimmy.
He told me.
Aw, I feel bad for him.
I don't.
Or I guess I do.
But I feel bad for a lot of other people before him.
- Where are the kids? - They're at the oyster bar.
Again? Yeah, they saw glowing lights in the ocean last night.
They want to find out if they saw God or if it's something radioactive.
So they're gonna poke at it some more.
GENE: Beautiful blue thingy? Where are you? Here's the Glencrest order.
What you doing, Gene? You haven't seen a majestic blue creature around, have you? Blue creature? What kind of blue we talking about? It's like if you dropped the Blue Man Group in a blender.
There was this amazing blue glowing thing right there, but now there's just that ugly plankton blob.
Oh yeah, that.
It's the same blob.
-Say what? -Well, sometimes plankton glow at night.
It's called bioluminescent.
So it's gross during the day, but fun and frisky at night? - Like leather pants? - Yeah.
Sometimes they glow, sometimes they move around a little bit.
They're very sensitive to all sorts of stuff.
Light, sound, movement, arguments, personal slights.
For some it's an eyesore, but they're not seeing what's really there.
So you're just an annoying blob, huh? You and me both, pal.
MAN: We got to kill that plankton? - MAN 2: Uh-huh.
- Wait, what? Boss said if that plankton doesn't go away before the regatta, we got to bleach it.
Ha, you said "regatta, we gotta.
" (laughing): Did I say "regatta, we gotta"? You did, you did.
No! They're gonna kill my blob buddy! Hah.
"Regatta, we gotta.
" Aw, my little Gene Cousteau, look so handsome.
Thank you, Mother.
And thank you, Father, for loaning me your ascot.
That is a dish rag, but it looks good on you.
So you really think you can just talk these yacht club people out of killing an ugly plankton blob? First of all, don't call it ugly.
It's just saving it all for the nighttime.
And yes, yes, I do.
How, exactly? I'll reason with them.
They eat oysters, oysters eat plankton, bing, bang, boom, they decide not to kill the plankton blob.
Then we smoke cigars, then binge-watch Billions.
Well, I see zero holes in this plan.
-Thank you.
-Louise, Tina, go with your brother.
What? Why do we have to keep Gene-sitting this Gene-tastrophe? Yeah, we have a life.
Oh, wait.
He's already feeling a little poopy about everyone pooping on his sounds and now he's feeling bad about this blob.
- Come on, be nice.
- Kids, go or clean.
- Oh! Okay, yeah, see you later.
- We're going, we're going.
Hello, hi.
Can I help you kids? I'd like to speak with Mr.
Glen Crest.
Glencrest is the name of our club, not an individual.
My brother is here to speak with the club president about a pressing matter.
Our president is too busy with regatta preparations to talk to kids.
- So - And we're gonna - breeze right past you now.
- What? Wait.
- LOUISE: Thank you.
- Oh Oh, fine.
Hey, Mr.
Important Man Sir, got a sec? Um, not really.
Who are you? We're here to save the plankton blob in your marina.
I overheard your henchmen talking about bleaching it.
You overheard that, did you? Well, it is one of the options we're exploring.
But you can't! From one oyster lover to another, be reasonable.
That's the stuff that feeds the stuff that feeds our pretty faces.
But that annoying blob isn't supposed to be in our private marina.
The wind blew it in, and it's not blowing it out.
You're being a blob-snob.
And a bit of an algae-hole.
Not to mention a, um, um Uh, come back to me.
Don't make me go to Channel Six News with this.
Olsen Benner would rip this story wide open, like she did with that day-old muffin exposé.
I see.
Well, here's something you might not have known: that blob is most likely full of toxins - that can kill shellfish.
- Wait, what? Kids, that's a bad blob.
Bad blob! Bad plankton? Is that possible? How about this? Just to be certain, I'll order, uh, a study of the plankton.
Really? Of course.
We don't want to bleach healthy plankton.
No one cares more about ocean life than yacht clubs.
Our boats literally float on the ocean.
- Good point.
- Is it, though? Look, I've got to tend to other matters now, but you kids feel free to sample our buffet.
The raw bar is your oyster.
(chuckles) Thanks.
See, I told you they'd be reasonable here.
Oh, ooh, wow.
Al, get these kids whatever they want.
- I want to not be near oysters.
- I'll take, uh, three fingers of your most expensive ginger ale.
And that tub of cherries, straight-up.
Hi, Trev.
I bet if Jimmy was here, he'd make fun of you for not having any customers.
Uh, that seems about right.
Jimmy's the best.
Maybe not the best.
Sometimes I kind of wish Jimmy and I wouldn't pick on you so much.
Really? Okay.
You-you could stop.
Ha! "Stop.
" Good one.
Up top.
We-we don't have to high-five.
It's just, I haven't high-fived Jimmy in a while.
He texted me and we swapped high five emojis, but it's not the same.
See? He texted "Bob's dumb.
" Oh, wow.
So, you guys make fun of me in your free time? Mostly just Jimmy.
You know what, Trev? You actually seem like sort of a niceish guy.
You shouldn't let Jimmy turn you into a meanie weenie.
I'm not a meanie weenie.
Well, you act like one when you're with Jimmy.
You act like one when you're with Jimmy.
It's just high-fiving.
I'm not gonna leave a guy hanging.
That's not how I was raised.
I hope Jimmy comes back soon.
And we breeze right past you - Wait, I Oh, oh Fine.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, there, Mr.
President Man Sir.
So did you get the results back? - Uh, the what? - The plankton study? Ah, yes, uh, the plankton study.
Oh, shoot, it is a bad blob.
- Really? Oh, no.
- Sorry, Gene.
- Can we see the report? - Uh, yeah, sure.
There it is.
Uh Oh.
Uh, oh No Nope, that no, that's all you need.
Oh Uh No, no, no, no.
It's all science mumbo jumbo, but, uh look, over there.
That's the oceanographer.
He did the study.
I'll have him dumb it down for you.
Uh, we tested the plankton and it has, uh, high levels of bad stuff in it.
Bad stuff like what? Bullets? Knives? Well, I'm sure you're a very busy oceanographer, - so off you go.
- To do oceanography somewhere else.
- Oh, cool.
Where? - Uh, the ocean.
- Oh, right.
- So that's it? - You're gonna bleach it? - But if you bleach the marina, won't that kill everything in the water, not just the plankton? No, no, no, it's actually a very Eco-friendly process.
Just before the regatta, we'll sprinkle some bleach powder.
It gets an A+ rating from the Ocean's Eleven, uh, Institute - of Oceans.
- LOUISE: Mm-hmm.
- Bye.
Goodbye, now.
- Oh, wait, uh - Turn around, walk away.
There you go.
- Okay.
All right, kids.
Wonderful to see you.
(laughs) Hey, so, I guess you aren't such a good blob after all.
That's cool.
That oceanographer is bringing champagne to his oceanography friends? Yeah, he is not an oceanographer.
He's a waiter.
But he knew all the terminology.
(gasps) They tricked us.
- They're gonna bleach a good blob.
- Bastards.
I'm going back in there to ask them to borrow their phone to call Channel Six News.
You could do that, or we can beat them - at their own game.
- How do we do that? Well, right now, they don't know you know they tricked you.
- So? - So use it.
Let them think they won so they keep their guard down - for what we're gonna do.
- What are we gonna do? Well, I've got an idea.
We're gonna need someone with a boat, knowledge of yacht clubs and who'd love to take Glencrest down in tomorrow's regatta.
Oh, you asked for us to step outside? Duncan, why do we even live on an island if just anyone can come here? - For the views? - Shush.
Sasha, Duncan, we have a proposition you guys help us stop Glencrest from killing the plankton blob in their marina And what do we get? Satisfaction of knowing you did the right thing? I love doing the right thing.
It's the best! Right, Sasha? Yeah, me too Ooh.
- VOICE (echoing): Ankles - TINA: So, no socks, huh? DUNCAN: No, I'm wearing my boaties.
You don't wear your sockies with your boaties.
-(whistles) Ankles away.
-Come again? - Anky Doodle Damn, D.
- Sorry? - Little something for the ank bank.
- I'm not following.
- Oh, you mean my leg knobs? - I sure do.
I don't know what you two are talking about, but as far as your little plankton plan goes, - that's a hard no.
- (groans) But it's partly your people's fault this is happening.
Uh, sorry, how's that? Glencrest only wants to bleach the plankton blob so that it's gone in time for the stupid regatta - against your stupid yacht club.
- But if the plankton blob is still there for the start of the regatta That blob will make Glencrest look like total slobs.
So what's the plan? Some Hench-people are gonna sprinkle bleach powder onto the blob tomorrow morning.
But we want them to think they sprinkled bleach, so we need to replace their bleach powder with something else, something that won't hurt - the ocean, like baking powder or - Panko.
- Panko? - Bread crumbs.
Bread crumbs, of course.
Bread crumbs make everything better.
We probably have that at the restaurant, but it's not nearly enough.
We have, like, a ton of panko in the kitchen right here.
- Why? - Oh, I don't know, maybe because a yacht club goes through a Jacuzzi's worth of fried shrimp every day.
How do we get the panko? I'm a member of a yacht club, young man.
When I ask for panko, they ask, "How panked?" So we have a deal? We save the blob, you get to embarrass Glencrest, everyone's happy.
-Duncan, let's shake ankles on it.
Well, I, I would like to respect your country's customs.
(grunting) I suppose I'm up for it.
(laughs nervously) Hey, guys.
Sorry I freaked out yesterday.
Well, I'm sorry I called you a meanie weenie.
Yeah, guess I wasn't ready to admit the only bond I have with Jimmy - is making hilarious fun of Bob.
- It's not hilarious.
But I don't want to be a meanie weenie like you said.
I want to be a nicey weenie.
-So what are you gonna do about it? -I don't know.
Well, you can't stop Jimmy from insulting Bob, but you can stop high-fiving him.
Aw, that's the best part.
Plus, like I told you, it's impossible.
Come on, we'll role-play.
- I'll be Jimmy and I'll insult Bob.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, I'm Bob, I cry at the end of every movie.
- Up top.
- (laughs) Cries.
- Not every movie.
- No, don't high-five.
Oh, right.
But it's hard not to.
- It's like a a reflex.
- It's okay.
- Let's try again.
- Oh, my God.
I'm Bob, I was born with armpit stains.
Uh, zoom.
- (laughs, groans) - Uh-uh.
W-What are we doing? What is this? We're role-playing.
I'm pretending to be Jimmy Pesto making fun of Bob so Trev stops high-fiving him.
- Can I play? - I-It's not really a game, it's just I'm Bob, I look like a dog from the '70s.
Up top.
(wheezing laughter): Dog! - LINDA: No.
- D'aw.
- (groans) - I'm Bob, my barber can't decide where my neck hair ends and my back hair begins.
- (laughing) - No high five.
- Aw, I can't.
I just can't.
- Hmm.
I'm Bob.
I'm scared of long hugs.
I don't want to hug you.
That's not scared of long hugs.
I'm Bob and I have a birth mark near my peehole that makes it look like I have a double peehole.
(wheezing): Double peehole.
Yay, you didn't high-five.
Wow, I did it.
- Isn't it great, Bob? - Yup.
Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah.
This has been really great.
Can I get a little help with the tie-off, please? Uh, we're kind of busy right now.
Great, thanks, my family just joined.
I'm sure you got the club-wide bulletin? - Are they buying it? - Yeah.
I just have to yacht-splain a few things and we'll be good.
Uh, no one told us anything, so Oh, it's so okay, these things happen, it's not your fault.
I can tell you guys are great.
My dad's boat is called the Cha-Ching, as you can tell, but new yacht club, new name.
I assume you guys have decals ready for the rename? - Decals? - Again, not your fault.
Let's just take a walk to the decal shed.
Come, come, come, come, come.
So, name-wise, I'm thinking Boaty Boaty Bo-Boaty, Banana Fana Flo-Floaty Me My Mo-Moaty, unless another member already has that name.
Tina, there must have been a rat below deck 'cause something was tickling my ankles.
Uh, yep, that's rats for you.
Um, did it feel good? - Well, it felt weird.
- Weird good? - Creepy weird.
- Creepy weird good? - Creepy weird bad? - Creepy weird bad good? Sorry, bread crumbs.
You're being sacrificed so that blob may live.
SASHA: We're walking back to my boat now since we couldn't find the decal shed.
Which is embarrassing for you guys.
Wait a second, does that say Glencrest Yacht Club? Oh, my goodness.
This is crazy.
I'm a new member at Crestglen Yacht Club.
I'm sure this happens all the time.
Stay in touch, okay, bye.
Shoo, you dumb birds.
Don't eat the bleach.
Jeepers, the gullies are having a crack at the crumbies.
Hey, wait a second.
This isn't bleach.
It's bread crumbs.
- Stop that boat.
- LOUISE: Go, go, go! What the Hey! -(panting) -LOUISE: Can't this thing go any faster? SASHA: You can't make wake in a marina.
We're not animals.
(grunts) Um, you might want to make that wake.
That jerk can't stop us.
Catch it, catch it.
(grunts) - Oh, crap, that jerk stopped us.
- Yacht blocker! GLENCREST PRESIDENT: So, you switched the powdered bleach with bread crumbs.
Well played, but not well played enough.
You lied about the plankton study.
That was no oceanographer, he was a fantastic waiter.
I don't need an oceanographer to tell me that ugly blob needs to go.
Just look at it.
- Yuck! - Aah! Stop calling it ugly.
It's a majestic life-giving plankton blob and it's damn sexy at night.
We'll be taking our bleach back now.
Hand it over.
- No.
- Give me the bleach.
- Hand the bleach - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no I want the bleach! -Ugh! -Go on board their boat, get our bleach, bleach the blob, do it now! The head, the head, the head.
Quick, quick, quick, quick.
- GENE: The what? - The toilet.
- Flush the goods.
- The goods? The bleach.
Dump the bleach in the toilet.
But won't that go into the ocean? No, there's a tank.
God, you're so poor.
Oops, sorry, Hench-folk.
We just flushed it down the toilet.
Now it's in the boat's butt.
So annoying.
Get off the boat, go to the store, buy some more bleach, save the receipt! And get ice.
Well, we're gonna tell the world that you bleached the bay.
Go ahead.
I'll deny it.
Plus, no one cares.
The blob is bad, not the bleach.
Bleach is good, it makes things clean.
Haven't you ever seen a bleach commercial? Don't lecture me about bleach commercials, they're the reason why I never felt the need to learn how to properly wipe.
You know what? I don't have any more time for this.
The regatta is starting soon and I gotta have my pre-regatta piña colada.
Time for you kids to leave.
That vessel is forbidden to ever enter the Glencrest Marina again.
So that's it? The baddies win? The little plankies die? No.
We have to keep their bleach boat away from the plankton.
We got to go Greenpeace on their butts.
But how? We're blocked from even getting into the marina.
What about if we sneak in? LOUISE: We'll have, uh, five kayaks for a half-day rental.
Sasha, the plastic? You got to be at least 18 to rent a boat.
How about I throw in a crispy hundo? Hmm, I don't know.
We're on a blob-itarian mission.
Yeah, we need to rent five of your best piddle-paddles - to save a blobby.
- Piddle-paddles? -The kayaks! Please! -(sighs) Go ahead, take the kayaks.
- Give me the money.
- Aren't they gonna recognize us if we go back out there? Right.
We need disguises.
Do you have a lost and found? Uh, yeah, we do.
- Good.
'Cause we lost this.
- Oh.
- And this.
- Wow.
- I'm glad we found this guy.
- Okay.
Floral swimsuit cover-up? Mine.
- TINA: How do we look? - If Greenpeace looked as fabulous as us, there'd be too many whales.
(gasps) The Hench-people are back.
Spread out.
Make a line.
Get between the bleach boat and the blob.
Okay, no problem.
I can definitely maneuver this boat.
Guys, wh-where'd you go? Stop, you murderous Hench-jerks! You! In the blouse! It's a swimsuit cover-up, you rube! I don't care what it is.
Get out of my marina.
No, and as blob is my witness, that bleach boat shall not pass.
Will you hurry it up a bit? And will someone push their kayaks into the sea? We're allowed to do that, right? - We're not going anywhere! - Huh.
Gene, keep banging your paddle.
LOUISE: Uh, I might sound crazy, but it looked like - that blob just moved a little.
- That blob is a-moving.
What? When you bang your paddle, the blob moves away.
You're right.
It is moving away.
Charles said it reacts to sounds.
Charles said it reacts to sounds! Everyone, bang your paddles.
Um, I thought we wanted to keep the blob in the marina to embarrass Glencrest? Damn it, Sasha, this isn't about Glencrest or Kingshead Island, it's about giving a misunderstood blob a chance.
(sighs) Damn it, Gene.
You gave me goose bumps.
Dunc, are we on board with this? Sasha? M-My opinion on something? Never mind, forget it.
Gene, we're doing it.
Come on.
Let's Pied Piper this sucker.
Technically, a reverse Pied Piper.
Even the plankton wants to get away from Gene's sounds.
That's very insulting, but I'm glad it worked.
I told you my sounds have a purpose.
What the hell are you waiting for? Push through the kayaks and bleach the damn thing.
We don't need to.
It's moving away on its own.
Don't tell me you don't need Oh, yeah.
Look at that.
- It's working.
- Keep banging.
Go, buddy.
Back to the ocean.
Back where you belong.
- TINA: Yay.
- LOUISE: All right! (kids cheering) Hmm.
Maybe you were the beauty and I was the beast.
It's time to regatta! Jimmy's back.
Things are gonna change when he meets the new Trev.
You can do this, Trev.
Uh, so, listen, Jimmy.
I-I was thinking about our dynamic and Yeah, I had a great time, thanks.
Check it out, I got you something.
You brought me back something? From Kokomo? A sexy lady bottle opener.
- (laughs) - Wow, Jimmy.
- I love it.
- Yeah, well, don't get so mushy.
Hey, look at Bob over there.
I just got back from vacation and already he's Jamaican me sad.
(chuckles) Zoo-woom.
(laughs) 'Cause you went to Jamaica.
Yup, there it is.
- I can't, my hand's sick.
- Ew, gross.
Wow, Lin, you did that.
I didn't think that was gonna work, but you might have helped Trev grow up a little bit.
Hey, Bob.
- Hey, Bob.
- What, Jimmy? Trev here, he just told me you got a peehole birthmark.
(laughs): Whoa! Let me see it.
- Great.
- You wish you had a peehole birthmark.
- Oh, they're gone.
- You got 'em, Lin.
High five.
How you doing, Gene? I didn't think it'd be so hard to say goodbye.
But now the blob will live in peace What's happening? It's getting eaten up.
GENE: Oh, oh, wow.
- That is rough to watch.
- TINA: Yeah.
If any of you survive whatever's violently attacking you now, I'll see you inside an oyster.
- Bioluminescence - (babbling rhythmically) Lighten up the sea Bioluminescence Come on board with me Bioluminescence Lighten up the sea Bioluminescence Come on board with me - - (thumping rhythmically) - Bioluminescence - (babbling rhythmically) Lighten up the sea Bioluminescence Come on board with me.