Bob's Burgers s14e05 Episode Script

Bully-ieve It or Not

[JIMMY JR.] Hey, I
thought of a marketing
slogan for our tank bottoms idea.
Here it is: "Tank bottoms:
Tank tops for your bottom."
- That's so good.
- I know.
Zeke, this is like, the
best clothing invention
anyone's ever had.
Replacing pockets with
holes for ventilation?
We're the best entrepreneurs ever.
More like "entre-pre-new-world,"
'cause our idea
- is a game changer.
- [TINA] And here's some
more lockers, and there's, um,
those lockers over there.
You name it, we've got it.
Hey, guys, please give
a warm Wagstaff welcome
to our newest student, Will.
Will, these are fellow eighth graders
Jimmy Jr. and Zeke.
- Hello.
- 'Sup?
Run, Will. Leave while you still can.
[CHUCKLES] That's Louise and Gene,
my siblings. Little rascals.
What grade are you in, Will 14th?
Nope, just a tall eighth grader.
- Hi, Zeke.
- Uh uh, hi, uh, Will.
[TINA] So what, uh, what
are you guys talking about?
[JIMMY JR.] Oh, just a little
something that's gonna revolutionize
the fashion industry
and life as we know it
- called tank bottoms.
- [TINA] Right, your, uh,
"shorts with no pockets" thing.
[JIMMY JR.] Uh, yes.
That's an oversimplified
explanation of it, but yes.
Oh. Uh, I just remembered I, um,
I got to go to class.
[WEAK CHUCKLE] I'm out of here. Okay.
But the bell hasn't even rung yet.
Sorry, I-I can't hear you
over all this hallway chatter.
I'll-I'll see you in class.
- All right.
- Zeke's usually not like that.
- Oh, I know what Zeke's like.
- You do?
Yeah, we went to the same
school in third grade.
Everyone called him pee streak Zeke.
What? Why'd they call him that?
Longest pee? Duration or distance?
Or a fun combination of the two?
- Not exactly.
- Okay, well,
should we keep the ol' tour going?
Have you shown Will the booger wall yet?
- Booger wall?
- Yeah, it's what it sounds like.
See if you can guess which are mine.
Here's a hint They're brown
like their daddy's eyes.
[JIMMY] Hey, I'm Bob.
I like to sweep, but I
can't keep any customers.
Ha. Rhyming can be mean.
Well, I'm Jimmy.
I like to stand in
front of my restaurant
- Wait, why are you coming over here?
- Eh, I'm bored.
You must know what that's like, right?
'Cause of your life? Ha!
Okay, thanks for
coming over to say that.
Kinda slow at my place
lately. You been slow, too?
Uh, yeah. Do you need something?
- You know, you get one rat
- Yeah,
- well, that's part of the business.
- Pack.
One pack of rats, covered in roaches,
and suddenly people don't
want to eat their spaghetti.
You had a pack of rats
covered with roaches?
Yeah. What, you never had that?
Uh, not-not at the same time.
Our rats and roaches don't get along.
Ah, yeah, well, you're lucky.
"The burger ball pit?"
[BOB] Oh, it's just
something I was trying.
I-It's a bunch of tiny
meatballs instead of a patty.
- Tiny meatballs?
- Yeah, I was just fooling around.
Cheese holds 'em all in place.
- Hmm.
- Yeah? I mean
- Okay, goodbye.
- Oh. Okay.
- Bye.
- You're a fart.
Right. That was almost
a normal conversation.
But you're you, so y-you said that.
Am I crazy or would this
make a nice apartment?
Get some houseplants,
maybe a mini fridge.
It's basically an upgrade
from where we live now.
So, I had some more
ideas about tank bottoms.
- Uh-huh.
- "Tank bottoms"
is kind of a mouthful, so I was thinking
- we would call them TB's.
- Oh, uh, y-yeah, yeah.
But then the problem is
that's also what they call tuberculosis.
Mm-hmm, sounds great.
Zeke, are you even listening to me?
- Yeah. Sorry.
- What are you
- looking at?
- Nothin', nothin'.
What, tetherball?
Oh, my god. Another TB.
So, yeah, this is our tetherball.
It can be sneaky,
- so if you play it, be careful.
- Uh-huh.
You want to give this baby a spin?
Oh, you missed it.
Ow. I'm okay.
- Sorry. I'll be right back.
- Oh. Okay.
What do you think
about this for a slogan?
"The TB you want to get."
Oh, oh, I love it, uh
But, uh, listen. I got to go.
I got to go somewhere
real fast, all right?
What the heck?
That's the second time
today Zeke has just run off.
- Huh.
- When he has to go,
he has to go. He's pee-streakin'.
The ketchup loves the mustard ♪
but it makes the
ketchup flustered ♪
so I give them a little space. ♪
- So, what'll it be today, Teddy?
- Eh
Maybe just a cheeseburger. And fries.
Really? Did you take a look
at the burger of the day?
Eh, I-I don't know, bunch
of little burger balls? Eh
Yeah, there's a ball pit in your mouth
and your taste buds are jumping in it.
It's interesting, Teddy.
I'm having fun with texture.
Oh, yeah, very fun.
I just, uh, don't want
to have fun like that.
With a bunch of balls in my mouth.
Fine. Some people are just
more open to new ideas. And you're dumb.
- Exactly. What?
- Nothing.
What the
Jimmy. The pizza ball pit?
Smart, right? I just tore up a pizza,
smashed it into balls and put it on top
of another pizza. Like a ball pit.
You stole my idea.
What? No. Yours is a burger,
mine's pizza. Totally different.
They're totally different, Bob.
It's the same name,
which works for a burger,
because it's, like,
- a deconstructed um
- "Um, um, um." Look, Bob,
we both had the same idea.
We'll see who it works out better for.
For whom it works out better.
Ah, just-just go inside, Trev.
What? Jeez. Grammar matters.
It's stealing, Jimmy. And you
know what happens to thieves?
- What, Bob?
- They
Get their comeuppance.
Comeuppance? What is
that, from Mary Poppins?
So what if it is? She was a great nanny.
It's time for ravioli ♪
I will not eat them slowly, no. ♪
I would be shocked if you did.
You're seriously not
eating in the cafeteria?
I don't feel like it
today. Why-why do we all
have to eat lunch together?
Why can't we just eat separately
in quiet contemplation?
I'm just gonna go eat in the library.
But there's no food in the library.
And you didn't bring a sack lunch.
It doesn't make any sense. Wait,
is this about Will?
What was all that pee
streak stuff about?
Did you pee your pants or something,
and he made fun of you?
Uh, I don't want to
talk about it, J-Ju.
I just want to be alone
in the library today.
Not in a bad way. I love reading.
I love it. Bye!
Oh, my gosh.
I think Zeke was bullied.
My sweet best friend.
Sweet, sweet Zeke.
Huh, so Will's a bully.
Seems like it. Willy the bully,
aka Wooly Bully.
I don't like bullies,
and I especially don't
like them in our school.
And in our sister's grade.
I mean, what if he makes
Tina pee and embarrasses her?
She's already fighting an uphill battle.
- Yeah.
- We got to nip this in the bud.
I believe it's "the butt."
I think we should give Will
a taste of his own medicine.
Western medicine. Not holistic at all.
- I've got a good plan, Gene.
- Me too.
Begging for extra ravioli.
I mean a plan to get revenge
on Will for Zeke and show him
that this bullying crap
isn't gonna fly here.
- Oh. Right. Yeah.
- So, we each
- get a juice box.
- [GENE] Uh-huh.
- [LOUISE] You don't drink yours.
- [GENE] I don't like that.
Then we offer Tina and Will
the seats across from us,
and why wouldn't they sit near
Tina's harmless siblings, right?
- [GENE] We're terrific.
- [LOUISE] They don't know that
you have a juice box
hidden out of sight,
aimed at Will's crotch.
I will make small talk
while you line up your shot
and when I say the words
"interesting ravioli,"
you squeeze the box,
spraying apple juice
on Will's crotch, making it
look like he peed his pants.
And he will stand up
when he feels the juice,
and then I'll yell "gross!
Everybody look at pee streak Will!"
The entire cafeteria looks over at him,
they all point and
laugh and then Will says,
"well, didn't I get
exactly what I deserve?
"Thanks, Louise and Gene,
for putting me in my place.
If that's who did this,
but I don't know for sure."
And will I be reimbursed
for any lost juice?
In the next life, which could be soon
if Will kills us. But it's
a risk we have to take.
Are you guys talking about
doing something to Will?
Something really heroic, yeah. Why?
I feel bad for Zeke, too,
but I just don't think
aggression is the answer.
Um, it definitely is.
If you bully a bully,
it's still bullying.
I'm not in the mood for riddles.
Ooh, those look interesting.
What are they Edible
pillows full of cheese?
- Uh-huh.
- Did you get your bun
tightened? It looks gorgeous.
- I did. Thank you.
- Thank you.
How's your regular cheeseburger
that you can literally
get any day, Teddy?
Really good, Bob. Mmm.
Can't believe Pesto just
stole my burger ball pit idea.
You know, people sometimes have
the same idea at the same time.
Remember when Deep Impact and Armageddon
came out in the same year?
Or when Steve Harvey started going bald
- right when I started going bald?
- Spooky.
It's not like that. At all.
I had the idea first, he saw
it and then he stole it
Oh, my god. I think he's getting a line.
What? No.
They could be there for another reason,
all a few feet apart and
facing the same direction
and waiting to get inside.
Did you see what
they're doing at Pesto's?
Pizza balls. Such a fun idea.
- [BOB] It was my idea!
- Whoa.
Order the burger of the day, Mort.
Do not make the same mistake I did.
Uh, one burger of the day, please?
Oh, look at that. Burger balls. Fun.
Don't patronize me, Mort!
Jeez, you really screwed
that one up, Mort.
Hey guys. We got to stop
meeting like this. Just kidding.
No, not on that side,
Rudy. Uh, sit-sit over here.
What? Why?
The, um, the lighting
is all weird over there.
- Okay.
- Zeke, you're here.
What happened to the library?
Was it too noisy?
Oh, Mr. Frond saw me
and said I needed to get some nutrition.
I told him I was reading a cookbook
so that should count, but
he didn't agree. And I wasn't
reading a cookbook, I was just
holding my hands like this.
Zeke, I just want you to know
that I'm here for you
and I care about you.
Do you want some of my ravioli?
- Yes.
- I was talking to Zeke.
And don't worry, Zeke.
We got you covered.
Thanks. But what?
We're gonna shut Will the bully down.
Willy bully.
W-What? Do what?
You don't have to hide it, Zeke.
We figured it out. We
know you were bullied.
- Zeke was bullied?
- Wait, wait, wait.
And I get why you
wouldn't want to tell me,
because I'm one of the cool
kids and you were embarrassed.
- No, you don't understand. I was
- [LOUISE] Listen,
as soon as Tina and Will sit
down, I'm gonna distract Will,
Gene's gonna spray Will's
crotch with apple juice
- under the table
- My apple juice.
Some of us are making
a big sacrifice today.
No. No, guys, no. Please don't do that.
Shush, shush, shush! Here he comes.
Tina! Will! Over here.
Hey, everybody. We were just doing
the whole lunch line
thing. It went pretty well.
They had lunch at his old school, too.
Tina, sit right across from me.
Hey there, Will.
[CHUCKLES] So, you're
So, you're sitting here. That's cool.
So, Will, what do you
think of Wagstaff so far?
And maintain eye contact
with me while you answer
- and don't look anywhere else.
- Um, seems okay.
- Will, uh
- What?
Interesting ravioli.
Interesting ravioli!
- Gene, no!
- What are you doing?
[ZEKE] Where is it?
Give it to me! Come on!
- [GENE] Stop it, you're gonna ruin it!
- Gimee come on, stop it.
What's going on under there?
- Let go!
- So, uh, Will, uh, what'd you think of
the booger wall? Boogerific, am I right?
- What?
- Aah!
- Dang it, Gene!
- You got Zeke's crotch!
Bad news yes.
Good news still some juice left.
Don't you say it,
Will. Don't you say it.
- Say what?
- Pee streak Zeke.
- Sorry, Zeke.
- H-Hold on, now.
I wasn't gonna say wait,
were you gonna squirt that on me?
Yes, we were gonna bully you
before you could bully anyone else.
- So, did it work? Are we heroes?
- Let's say yes.
- People, please.
- Why don't you just pick on
someone your own size, tall guy, like
- Mr. Branca.
- I don't want any trouble!
Everybody, just stop.
- Will never bullied me or anyone.
- What?
- Come again?
- I was
- I was the bully.
And that was the last of my juice.
So, you're not a bully?
- No.
- But you're so tall.
You do kind of have this whole
"don't mess with me" vibe
that has a lot of the girls
around here going crazy.
Other girls. Not me, but I get it.
- I can see that.
- Like Zeke said,
he was the bully. I was the bullied.
[SIGHS] I-I'm gonna go try to dry off.
Sorry, me spraying juice
on you wasn't bullying,
that was just an accident.
Zeke, what did what happened?
[SIGHS] I'm not proud of it,
but by the time I
started going to school
at Rocky Creek Elementary,
where Will went,
I had already been to so many schools,
'cause my family moved around so much.
I was always the new kid, and
it wasn't easy making friends.
Between that and my impulse
control issues, I just
started wrestling kids.
Like, all the time.
Before I even knew it was a sport.
I couldn't help it, I just-just
had a lot of nervous energy.
Then one day I got a kid in a headlock,
and I guess I caught him
on his way to the bathroom,
and also maybe he was scared
'cause of me putting him in a headlock,
and he [SIGHS]
Well, he peed a little,
and everyone pointed and laughed,
and that's how it all started.
After that first kid peed, the
kids who thought it was funny
were like, "come hang out with us."
And-and then I kept
trying to make 'em laugh.
And even though I only
made that first kid pee,
they-they called me pee streak Zeke.
And, yeah, Will was, uh,
one of the kids I bullied.
Pee streak Zeke! Pee streak Zeke!
I mean, I had a group of friends,
a nickname, and it was the
first time I felt like
Like I-I belonged.
- Wow.
- I know. It's a lot.
That's pretty bad, Zeke.
I've been told I have the
perfect neck for headlocks,
but, uh, I'm trying to cut down.
I know, it's awful. I
don't like to talk about it.
I don't even like to think about it.
I'm not that person anymore.
But Zeke, now you have
the chance to apologize,
make amends, right
the wrongs of the past.
You should definitely apologize.
Maybe send him, like,
an edible arrangement
or give him your house?
Maybe adopt a highway for him?
Oh, um, Will? Will
doesn't seem like he's
He's ready to hear an
apology or talk to me at all.
I think the best thing for me to do
is just to keep a respectful distance.
No, Zeke. Just do it now.
It's the only way to move forward.
But [CHUCKLES] I, uh
- Oops, that's the bell.
Guess we'll put a pin in this for now
and just focus on our studies.
Wait. Will, can you please meet us
on the steps out front after school?
Zeke has something he wants to tell you.
Or if you're busy, that's totally cool.
Late notice, I-I get it.
You, uh, probably have
No, I'll be there.
- Great.
- Mm, great.
Uh, come on, Will, I'll
take you to your next class.
I think we have algebra together.
"Alge-bring" you there. [CHUCKLES]
Trust me, Zeke. This is
gonna be a good thing.
Oh oh, boy.
I guess I'll have to take
the rest of these to go.
And there we go.
Like a little Italian squirrel.
- Oh, yeah.
- Grazie.
So, Bob, are you just
gonna keep stewing or what?
[GASPS] Someone's taking
pictures of Pesto's
with a fancy camera.
D-Do you think they're from the paper?
Oh, my god, that's it.
I'm going over there.
Oh, no, Bob, don't.
Linda's right, Bob. To what end?
"To what end?"
- Just say "why," Mort.
- Why?
- Are you asking that to me or to Bob?
- I don't know.
I'm going to expose him.
I'm gonna tell that reporter person
If it is a reporter
person that it was my idea.
Come on, Bob, we know you had the idea,
you know you had the idea,
and you'll have another idea tomorrow.
If you don't have a heart
attack over Jimmy Pesto.
Linda's right, Bob. And
my therapist would say
that you should focus
on your own happiness
and not compare it to other people's.
Your therapist is an idiot!
You take that back, Bob!
Do not speak of Dr. Marjorie that way.
That woman has put up
with so much in her life.
- What?
- The balls haven't always rolled her way!
Okay, I'm sorry. She's probably great.
- She's just never met Jimmy Pesto.
- Aw, Bob.
So many little balls.
I really just wanted soup.
I know, Mort. I know.
[JIMMY] So, I just thought to myself,
"balls. Pizza balls." And
then, "pizza ball pit." Boom.
- Oh, my god.
- Bob, we're gonna be in the paper
on the Internet, where it really counts.
My mom's finally gonna be proud of me.
That's great, Trev.
Uh, I have something interesting
- for the article.
- Sorry, who are you?
I am the guy who invented
dah-dah-dah-bah-bah ♪
- I invented
- dah-bah ♪
- I happen to have invented
- dah-bup-bup ♪
Uh, look, I don't know what this is,
but I'm on a deadline, okay?
You should be interviewing me.
Hmm, who should I interview,
the inventor of the pizza ball pit
or some guy who wandered
in off the street
who won't stop shrieking
while I'm trying to work?
I'm not shrieking!
Let's go someplace quieter.
Come back in the
kitchen. I-I can show you
the oven where it all happens.
It looks like a microwave,
but it's not exactly a microwave.
- Hmm.
- So, you're staying?
Yes. I'm gonna make sure that that guy
tells the world that
Jimmy is a total fraud.
All right. Want some
water while you're waiting?
No, I don't want water.
Actually, yes. I-I'm a little thirsty.
[SIGHS] Thank you.
- Seven dollars.
- What?
Got you. Classic me.
- Well, I don't see Will anywhere, J-Ju.
I guess I'll head home,
try again tomorrow.
Zeke, wait. I know what you're doing.
You're trying to kick
this can down the road.
Well, guess what? That
road is a dead end.
- I know, but
- Zeke, listen.
We've all done things
we're not proud of.
I used to tell Andy and Ollie
that there was actually
only one of them.
It messed with them for weeks.
- Jeez.
- The point is
we recognize our mistakes
and we learn from
them. It's how we grow.
Did we miss it? Did anyone DVR it?
Not yet. And for all we know,
Will already went home and
- Here he comes.
- Dang.
And this is what we
do when the bell rings
at the end of the day. We come outside.
And that completes your
welcome tour of Wagstaff.
Hey, Will. Zeke wants
to tell you something.
- Zeke?
- Uh
- I'm-I'm sorry I bullied you.
- Okay?
I'm sorry I did all
those awful things to you
to impress people, putting
you in headlocks and stuff,
but I'm not that kid anymore.
So, I hope you can forgive me
and we can be okay with
each other moving forward.
Wow, Will, pretty heartfelt apology
from Zeke over here. What you thinking?
I do not accept.
What? What the hell, Will?
He didn't even apologize
for what he actually did.
Oh, but uh
What, making you pee your pants?
He never made me pee.
He got me in a headlock a few times,
but that's not the really bad part.
What's the really bad part?
Hey, Jimmy Junior, don't you have to go?
You have that thing,
right? You better get going.
G-Get on, now. Get out. Get.
He made fun of my lisp.
- [GASPS] - Whoa.
- [GASP]
Your lips? They look fine to me.
They look completely normal.
Not my lips. My lisp.
What? Seriously?!
I can't believe you made
fun of someone's lisp, Zeke.
- That's so messed-up.
- It was just one time
and I felt so bad I-I
never did it again.
Wait, you have a lisp?
I did, when I was in third grade.
I said "stop, Zeke. You're so stupid."
But I had a lisp, so it came out
Thtop, Theke. You're tho thtupid.
And Zeke made fun of me.
I didn't want all
those guys to see me cry
so I hid in a bathroom stall
- for the rest of recess.
- [TINA] Oh, Will.
And then some kids came in
and they saw the closed stall door
and they said "ew,
someone's pooping in there."
And I said "no, I'm not."
But I sounded like I was
crying when I said it,
and crying in the bathroom seemed worse,
so I leaned into the pooping thing
and I said "I mean, yes, I am,"
and I made some fart
noises and tried to make
- the whole thing believable.
- [GENE] Good for you.
I'm sorry, Will. And Jimmy Jr, please.
You're my best friend. You
got to know how sorry I am.
I don't know what to say, Zeke.
I don't even think I want to do
Tank Bottoms with you anymore.
Don't say that, J-Ju.
I mean, yeah, a lot of
people don't know this,
but I have a speech impediment.
- Huh. - Really?
- Wha? I never, um
Yeah. I worked through a lot of it,
but sometimes it still shows up.
You have to believe me.
I never did anything like that again.
I mean, I did some wrestling stuff,
but never the speech
stuff or someone's looks
or height or weight or anything.
You have to forgive me, guys.
There's got to be something I can do.
I honestly don't see
how you fix this, Zeke.
Money never hurts. Hundred bucks each?
50 to me for brokering the deal?
Show 'em your butt,
let them make fun of it?
- Fine.
- Oh, wow.
Zeke, don't.
I mean, you could, um,
lick the booger wall.
- What?
- Yes.
I guess it would show
you're really sorry.
Okay. [SIGHS]
Looks like I'm gonna lick a booger wall.
Wow, I'm not usually into
after-school activities
but I'll stick around for this one.
Ugh. How is his water not even good?
Come on, Bob, we know you had the idea,
you know you had the idea,
and you'll have another idea tomorrow.
You should focus on your own happiness
and not compare it to other people.
Linda's right, Bob. To what end?
"To what end?" Just say "why," Mort.
Thanks again. Our readers
are gonna love this.
Oh, good, that guy's still here.
I'm just gonna keep talking as I exit
so he can't talk to
me. See you later. Bye.
[JIMMY] Bob? What
are you still doing here?
Looking for some good
food? That's a zoom.
Well, I came over here to tell everyone
that you're a liar who stole my idea.
Ha! You are that.
But now all I want to
do is tell you something.
What's that, Bob?
I'd rather be me than you.
[SCOFFS] Yeah, right. You'd rather
be scraping by than have a popular place
and a mostly-restored 280z? Come on.
I can always think
of other ideas, Jimmy.
This wasn't even one of my best.
It might be one of my worst.
And since you and
your customers like it,
that's a red flag.
- Ouch.
- So this idea
You can have it. I don't need it.
All I need is right up here.
- Whoa.
- Don't "whoa."
Sorry. I want that kind of confidence.
Aw, j-just zip it.
Okay, zipping.
[TEDDY] You're back. Finally.
What happened Did
you make a big stink?
Did you steal the reporter's pen
and scribble all over his notes?
No, I just told Jimmy
I'd rather be me than him.
Aw, Bobby. So wise.
Like a little Bobby Buddha. Mwah.
And I said that I'll have
another, better idea tomorrow.
Yeah, that's what I told you.
I guess I stole it from you.
Well, I won't make a big deal about it,
like some handsome cutie-pie chefs.
- She's talking about you, Bob.
- Thanks, Teddy.
[LOUISE] So many boogers.
[GENE] Precious memories.
It's more booger than
wall at this point.
Okay. Here goes.
Wait, Zeke. You don't have to do this.
You were willing to lick
boogers. That's enough.
I mean, I guess.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
I was asking Jimmy Jr. I
mean, you too, but also him.
Yeah, Will's right.
I didn't know you then
but I know you now, Zeke.
I know your heart.
Oh man, J-Ju. [GROANS]
- What are you doing?
- Stop! You don't have to do it.
That's what's gonna make it
even more beautiful. [GRUNTING]
- Oh, sick. - Yes!
- [GAGS]
- Wow.
- Oh, Zeke.
[GAGS] It wasn't that bad.
[GAGS] But I'm gonna
Oh, my god, I'm gonna
I'm gonna throw up. [RETCHES]
Oh, my god. You're my
best friend, Jimmy Junior.
- You're my best friend, Zeke.
Even if I can't quite
look at you right now.
I get it. [COUGHS]
Now, who wants to get
licked by a booger tongue?
- Come on, who wants it?
Come on. Come here,
J-Ju. I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna get you with my booger tongue.
This isn't bullying, this is horseplay.
Now, come here, come on!
The ketchup loves the mustard ♪
but it makes the
ketchup flustered ♪
so I give them a little space ♪
the ketchup loves the mustard ♪
but it makes the
ketchup flustered ♪
so I give them a little space ♪
it's time for ravioli ♪
I will not eat them slowly ♪
the ketchup loves the mustard ♪
the ketchup loves the mustard ♪
the ketchup loves the mustard ♪
the ketchup loves the mustard ♪
the ketchup loves the mustard ♪
the ketchup loves the ♪
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