Boo, Bitch (2022) s01e04 Episode Script

Bitch Slapped

Wishing away all the days
Till I see you again ♪
I don't wanna wait
Feels like it'll never end ♪
Don't wanna waste my time ♪
Since you've been on my mind ♪
I just wanna,
I just wanna, I just wanna ♪
I just wanna ♪
I just wanna ♪
I just wanna,
I just wanna, I just wanna ♪
I'm still here.
Being dead is no excuse
to bail on mochaccinos with me
for smoochaccinos with Jake C.
I need to figure out what
my unfinished business is.
It's obviously not making out with Jake C.
It could be making out with Jake C.
With our shirts off.
Or our pants off.
Or both. I don't know.
I'm gonna try it all just to be safe.
I'm dead. So, until I figure out
my unfinished business,
I'm gonna get down to business.
And I don't know.
Sit on Jake C's face?
I dunno how that's sanitary
or comfortable or safe,
but I'll figure it out.
What exactly is the seat?
I can't believe
I'm talking like this. I I feel so alive.
- I must be living.
- Yeah, you are. Until you're a lava lamp.
- Dude.
- It's not me. I have earbuds in.
Public school low-rent jank.
It's Jake C.
I can't stay in here. It smells so bad.
Did Stinky just pass by?
His name is Devon.
Why does it smell so bad in here?
Because one of you
forgot to put this guy back in the fridge.
This is what happens
when you leave a dead carcass
out in the heat to decompose.
You are gonna
decompose pretty quickly,
and if we can already
If we can already smell it,
then it's only a matter of time
before somebody else does.
You are gonna be a smelly virgin
stinking up a lava lamp for eternity.
Maybe my unfinished business is sex.
It seems like virgins have an easier
track to heaven, if there is a heaven.
- Joan of Arc, Virgin Mary.
- They weren't really virgins.
The church wasn't sex-positive then
like it is now.
- What?
- Okay, it's probably not sex.
Is there anything
you were working on that day?
What was the thing we were
talking about before you died?
Since we're saying yes to everything,
how about prom?
I mean, I'm already going with Jake W.
He said yes, and you should too.
Yes! I'm gonna ask Jake C.
- Ah! We're going to prom!
- We are!
My unfinished business is prom.
Duh. Of course it's prom. It's the most
important high school rite of passage.
- I have to go to prom with Jake C!
- But that's two weeks away.
How the heck are we gonna
keep your body intact for two weeks?
Maybe you can try and use
your ghost powers and cold blast it.
Mmm My ghost powers are pretty lame,
but I can try.
Oh, it's happening. You're doing it.
But it's only a little bit of ice,
and I nearly shit myself trying.
- Okay, maybe we should just buy ice.
- Let's go to the store.
- Aren't you going to lunch with Jake C?
- Yeah.
I was so distracted being distracted.
Thank you for being my North Star.
Ice after school.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry, I'm late.
- Yeah, you missed taco day.
- Oh my God.
They're all sold out.
But, I mean, I guess it's a good thing
that I got you an extra plate.
Thank you.
Um So I'm not actually
gonna be out of town for prom.
- Oh my God, that's great.
- Yeah.
What should we do instead?
Do you wanna do dinner? See a movie?
Do you wanna see a movie about dinner?
Um, or or we could go to
- Know what'd be so funny? Wait.
- Uh.
We could go to prom ironically.
God, no. Oh my gosh.
You were so right about prom.
Seriously. It is such a cliché.
That's what's so cool about you.
You DGAF about prom.
'Cause, I mean, prom is so lame.
Yeah Yeah, totally. Mm.
Prom is so lame.
Chill. I've seen them.
He's moved on. I've moved on.
- What have you moved on to?
- There are so many options.
Not you.
Jake C and I are good.
We're gonna be friends.
And what about how this
affects the rest of us?
This is between Jake C and me.
Why would it affect anyone else?
We can't sit with Riley.
We gotta support our boy.
Dude. Lea will be so pissed
if I sit with Jake C.
But then where do we sit?
We stand.
We stand tall.
What am I supposed to do now?
I can't ask him to prom
until I un-ask him to not prom.
We gotta figure it out
before Riley worms her way back in.
Worms, body, ice. Let's get the ice.
Shit. It's Jake.
- What did he text you?
- It's Jake W.
Double shit.
- Did I miss something?
- I haven't talked to him since the party.
Did he ghost you?
What a dick.
Uh, actually, he texted me.
- I forgot to text him back.
- Dude.
Look, you know, I've been
a little bit preoccupied, you know?
Dead best friend, existence of ghosts,
my generalized anxiety disorder.
If my unfinished business is to go
to prom, then you have to go with me.
And he is your date.
Well, he was two weeks ago,
but now who knows?
You can't go alone.
Worse than not going is going alone.
Besides, prom is your thing.
Well, no. It's actually now your thing.
Fine. It's our thing.
And you have to go 'cause I'm going,
and we're going together.
We're going to prom.
Now lock in the date and talk to Jake W.
Ooh. No way. Nope.
Face-to-face after taking
this long a hiatus would be aggro AF.
- I will text him.
- Fine. I'll get the ice, you text.
That's a lot of ice.
Yeah. I think I cleared you out.
You having a party?
Yep, huge party tonight.
Probably gonna get shut down by the cops.
Hauling a shit-ton of ice out to the car
was fun. How's the texting?
Good. We've leveled up to Bitmojis,
and he's excited to hang out tonight.
Wow, making moves! You getting together?
Yeah, at our party.
Why did you tell him we're having a party?
He must have heard my cover story
for the ice. Just tell him it's canceled.
Can't. He just put it
in the senior text chain.
Okay, I've changed my mind.
I think a party could be a great way
for us to make a mark.
Totally. We'll do it at your house,
and keep it low-key.
No, this party is a part of your legacy.
Our legacy.
We need everyone
to be talking about it tomorrow,
the day after, and for years to come.
To remember it. To remember us.
Don't you wanna be remembered?
'Cause I do.
You're right. And this is how
I'm gonna get Jake C to go to prom.
Yes! He will see that you
don't just follow trends.
- No.
- You set them.
- 'Cause what kind of wild party goddess
- Mm-hm. Whoo!
- Me.
- throws bangers on a Monday?
- Erika Vu. That's She does.
- Right here. Mm-hm.
So what do we need for the party?
- A theme. Disco?
- Luau?
- Early T Swift?
- Late T Swift?
- Dungeons and Drag Queens?
- Jellicle cats, things you can milk?
- What?
- Huh. Sorry. Uh
With the ice bags and the ghost chill,
my brain is totally frozen.
I cannot think straight.
Do you feel my cold right now? I'm sorry.
I don't know how to turn it off.
Winter wonderland!
- Okay. We're gonna need snow.
- Cocaine?
No. Well, maybe, but snow.
How are we gonna get snow?
Seems like an emergency to me.
- Epic.
- Yeah.
Okay. Aren't these tables
a little too close together?
- No. It forces people to interact more.
- Good thinking.
This party is gonna be so lit.
I know.
Unless nobody comes.
People will show up for this party, right?
Oh my God. What if no one comes,
and we're that sad party no one goes to?
That would be so embarrassing.
Or if three people show up.
That would be so much worse.
We'd have witnesses.
- This could ruin us.
- We'd be infamous.
We have to advertise.
Tonight at nine, come for a cool time.
We'll have cocktails.
And mocktails.
- And music to jam to.
- Don't touch my phone.
Decorations to gram to.
Make sure to dress warm,
or you're gonna be left out in the cold.
Let's find your snowsuit.
This party is for everybody.
See you there, and don't flake out.
- What's up?
- Nothing much.
Just thought I'd call.
See how you're doing.
- Yeah, I'm going to Erika's party.
- Cool.
- Have you talked to Riley recently?
- What's she doing now?
Nothing. She's being totally cool.
Which is the problem. It's scary.
Lea wants to go to Erika's party tonight,
but she's afraid to ask Riley.
So she asked me if I could ask you
if you could ask Riley
if it'd be okay for us to all go.
- You guys are kidding me with this, right?
- No, we need to know.
Look. I'm not, um, calling Riley,
but, you know what,
I do give you all permission
to do whatever you wanna do
from here on out.
Because I don't care what Riley thinks,
and neither should you.
And we also don't need
a five-way call to discuss this.
Guys, let's jump on another call
to debrief.
Oh my God.
It's party time!
Yes! Every group is repped tonight.
And it's a full-blown rager.
There he is. I'm gonna ask him to prom
so I don't spend eternity in a lava lamp.
Here I go. Wish me luck.
You don't need it.
Erika! Hey!
We missed you at our last meeting.
Don't feel bad about eating Jesus's face.
He forgives you,
and you're welcome back at any time.
We left a DD sign-up sheet
over by the door,
but Josh lost our Sharpie.
- Oh. Well, Sharpies are in the basket
- In the kitchen.
- That's not where they are.
- Well, I don't really care.
'Cause it's my turn to bother you.
- Oh, this is perfect. I'm freezing.
- Me too.
Put on the fur.
I need this
in my closet yester-now.
No. Hey. Don't touch my mom's coats, okay?
Those are heirlooms. Hey!
I I am gonna head you off.
You are twin flames.
Your union is a soul connection
and will lead you
to the next level of consciousness
- Psst. Erika.
- I'll be right back.
- Did you ask him yet?
- I'm working up to it.
- You need to do it now. Riley is here.
- Who cares? Jake C and I are twin flames.
Do not underestimate her, okay?
- If she's at your party, then she is
- Okay, our party.
Right. Okay. Yeah, sure. It's our party.
But if she's here
then she's definitely up to something.
- Okay, that didn't seem normal.
- Not at all.
I gotta get back in the game.
Damn it. Those bitches are doing
snow angels in my mom's coats.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- I missed you.
- I missed you.
You know, we are a great event couple,
aren't we?
What do you mean?
Like this. Like this event.
We're good at it. Think about
the events we're gonna be great at,
like pool parties, and daygers, and
Yeah. I mean, we're great at events.
And non-events, you know?
I cannot wait to not go to prom with you.
Mm-hm. Yeah, me too.
I can't wait to not go.
- It's gonna be great.
- Yeah.
Ooh. Let's do tarot.
Or we could make snowmen.
I mean independent snowwomen.
Then warm ourselves up
with the vodka luge.
Or we could take selfies with Edwin.
The polar bear.
Or we could get our cards read.
I see them. It's fine.
They actually look really cute together.
I'm gonna go look at the snacks.
No, you guys. That's a powder room.
Okay? You can't have sex in there.
Let's ride it off the roof!
No, wait. Please.
Let's not, okay? Thank you. Yeah.
Sip, sip, sippin' margaritas ♪
Spillin' like a villain
Better whip out the Swiffer ♪
Smoke away depression ♪
Damn, that guy he keeping me guessin' ♪
Bolo tie, why's he making impressions? ♪
- Look like my exes ♪
- Hey ♪
They good, they tight
They pull me under ♪
East side guys
They bring the thunder ♪
"Erika's epic winter wonderland"?
It's my party too, assholes.
- so drunk.
- I'm not drunk.
Maybe a little.
- Get out.
- Oh. Sorry.
I didn't know anyone was in here.
And I don't think you're supposed
to be touching those coats.
Someone was yelling about it downstairs.
No, wait. Don't go.
Wanna hang out?
I can't believe how long I've gone
without knowing you.
I know.
I can't believe how much time I wasted.
I wish there were more opportunities
to dance like this.
My cousin's bar mitzvah is next month.
You should totally come.
Or we could dance at prom?
I know I said I didn't want to go,
but I do.
I was just trying to be cool, but I'm not.
I just didn't think
I was gonna get the chance to go.
Let alone with someone like you.
These faux fur coats are so warm.
Mm. They're actually not faux fur.
My mom, she inherited them from an aunt
whose husband was in the mob.
They used to launder their money
with the coats.
Oh. Wow. Gross, unethical, and criminal.
You still make it work.
- Stanley thinks so too.
- Stanley?
Yeah, this dead mink on my back. Yeah.
So you wanna explain why your best friend
is throwing the party of the year,
and you're upstairs in her room?
Well, it's my room. And we're throwing
the best party of the year,
which no one seems to know,
even though it's at my house,
because no one seems to know me.
Including my prom date,
who's downstairs making out with his ex.
Which is, like, mildly understandable
'cause he's a total babe.
So make out with your own babe.
Or me.
- Sorry. That was Stanley's idea.
- Yeah.
Stanley, you are one dirty mink.
Or five.
Oh shit. Oh my God. Shit.
You know what? Let's pretend
I didn't say anything, and we can rewind.
What if I told you
that I really wanted
to go to prom with you too?
Oh, uh
Did you hear me?
I thought you weren't into prom.
I was just, uh, trying to be cool,
because I thought the girl I liked
was too cool for prom.
- Mm-mm.
- But, uh
Turns out neither of us
are really too cool.
So do you wanna
not not go to prom with me?
I would love to not not go
to prom with you.
Wait, uh
Um, uh, just to clarify that.
That means we're going to prom, right?
Yep, yes. You are my prom date.
I am your prom date.
Together, we are prom dates.
I heard it. They're going to prom.
You guys have got to stop. I'm cool.
Get off. He wants me to freak out.
Then Erika seems cool,
I sound like a crazy person, and she wins.
She's not a winner.
I am. Get it?
you're actually not cool?
- No. Wrong. I'm so cool.
- Right.
But you're not.
I'm gonna go get a drink.
Have you tried Erika's Ambassador yet?
It's good.
Guess she's cool.
Gavin, did you pass out?
So you wanna hear something crazy?
Yes, please.
I'm actually, like, really excited
to go to prom.
Me too. Okay, okay.
So first, we are going to rent a limo,
and we are gonna take
all the awful, cliché prom photos.
I've got the perfect awkward photo smile.
Seriously. It's like
Yeah, it's like that.
And we are 100% gonna wear
matching color-coordinated outfits.
Oh, let me guess. Neon yellow.
No, no, no, no. All camo.
That's the one.
No, blue.
And not just any blue. Midnight blue.
Midnight blue is my color, bitch!
Helen Who is ruining my life.
First, you almost ruined my nose.
Then you ruin my prom.
And now you steal my color,
because you're obsessed with me.
You've been obsessed with me
for four years,
and now you've stolen my boyfriend.
We all know what's happening next.
You're gonna dye your hair like mine,
steal my social security number,
and then I end up in seven
tall kitchen trash bags
in your neighbor's recycling bin.
I'm scared.
For the record, everybody, I'm scared.
- Okay, I'm not
- I got this.
Riley, I'm sorry
that you're hurting. Okay?
Going through a breakup sucks,
but I didn't steal your prom date.
Okay, you guys were broken up,
and he wanted to go with me.
Sorry. Am I speaking for you?
Do you wanna say something?
I know you didn't steal him,
because you couldn't steal anybody.
You are so pathetic. You're just
I'm done letting you bully me, Riley.
We can all wear the same color.
Because who says that you own it?
Okay, who else wants
to wear midnight blue, huh?
Great. Everyone wear it. Who cares?
- I care. And I called it first.
- Yeah, but you're not in charge of us.
And you don't get to dictate what we wear,
what we do,
who we do I mean, who we are.
- No, she doesn't.
- Shh. She'll frickin' kill you.
I let you take my identity
for the past four years, but no more.
My name is Erika Vu,
and this is my fucking party, bitch.
So, if you don't like it,
there's the door.
Erika! Erika!
Erika! Erika!
- Erika!
- What?
- Erika!
- What?
Everybody is clubbin' it downstairs ♪
I got the cups
Got the food everywhere ♪
I got the floor
We don't need no chairs ♪
I had to make this a public affair ♪
Put your hands in the air
Get your body on the floor ♪
Put your hands in the air
Let your body just go ♪
Put your hands in the air
Get your body on the floor ♪
Put your hands in the air
Let your body just go ♪
Go, go ♪
Go ♪
Go ♪
Let your body just go ♪
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