Boo, Bitch (2022) s01e06 Episode Script

Who Dat Bitch?

[soft electronic music playing]
[TikTok AI voice] Remember Helen Who?
She's dead. Sad face.
[record scratch]
But Erika Vu is alive and thriving.
Erika Vu is a legend. I heard
she was Timothée Chalamet's first kiss.
[TikTok AI voice] #Yaasss.
I heard she got them to retire
the name "Erika" from the hurricane list.
Erika Vu was given the key to the city
in three cities she doesn't even live in.
[Erika] Time to step it up.
[boy] Oh my God!
Erika Vu's making a TikTok in the hallway!
[hip-hop music playing]
Bad bitch, maverick ♪
Anything I want, I can have it
Have it ♪
Never average ♪
Best of the best, my status ♪
- [Riley] Love the new TikTok.
- [Erika] Thanks, bitch.
[both laughing]
- Meet you in the quad, bitch.
- Don't keep me waiting, bitch.
[air kisses]
[cell phone alert whistles]
[cell phone alert dings]
- [cell phone alert chimes]
- WTFKA Twigs is going on with you?
You have barely talked to me
for the past five days
since you bitch-ditched me.
As in left me in a ditch in the woods
and used family dinner as an excuse
to hang out with that bitch Riley.
I did do family dinner.
It was cut short because Riley
really needed someone to talk to.
- 'Cause She's going through a breakup.
- Yeah, with the guy you're dating!
Gia, I'm allowed to have
more than one close friend.
[cell phone chimes]
I actually have 98,000! [gasps]
Sorry. I didn't realize
you were drinking your own haterade.
This is a matcha latte with ashwagandha.
You hate matcha lattes.
And why are you talking like that?
It's been five days.
It's like you're a different person.
I'm evolving. And I'm dead.
I don't have a lot of time.
And as my close friend,
you should allow me to grow
my following.
[chuckles] Matcha lattes
have great engagement. [clears throat]
You're posting from the afterlife?
Why are you being so hostile?
You could use some adaptogens.
Want the rest of my matcha?
Okay. Well, can you throw it out for me?
[sing-song] 'Cause you're closer.
Look. I am saying this out of love,
even though I am
I am holding your freaking trash.
You need to be careful.
Power's only good if you don't abuse it.
I'm feeling very attacked right now.
Text me when you've calmed down
'cause your aura is mega red.
[breathing deeply]
[cell phone chimes]
[text received alert chimes]
[text received alert chiming]
Will you give me another chance?
- [text sent alert chimes]
- [text received alert chimes]
[bell rings]
- Caught you! Wanna go make out?
- Yeah, yeah.
- First, I have a question.
- Yeah?
What's going on with you and Riley?
I wanted to make things right
after you called me out for being rude.
Which I'm grateful for, by the way.
You keep me grounded.
Anyways, Riley and I getting along so well
was just the icing on the cake.
And you love cake.
I Yeah, I guess, yeah.
If it's not what you want, I guess I could
go back to hating her and icing her out.
Of course I don't want, like, that.
It's just It's a little weird.
Well, if it's weird,
then maybe I should just dump her.
Huh? What? No, no. Okay, like
It's not that weird. It's just
Let's just all be friends.
We can all be friends.
- [chuckles] If that's what you want.
- [chuckles awkwardly]
- How you gonna make it up to me?
- Uh I don't know.
- Maybe we can just hang tonight?
- It's a date.
[bell rings]
[Erika sighs]
What's your problem?
- I was just
- Oh, get over it, pussy.
I had a human moment
that I just didn't want to claim.
I tried to make it right,
but you wouldn't accept it.
So now, all I can do is let it go.
Just shut up and finish your tests.
Test? I didn't study for a test.
- It's not my problem.
- Isn't it, though?
Jerry, we know that you grade on a curve.
So what happens if there is no curve.
- And we all just do this?
- [paper rips]
[inhales] Guys, what do you think
about it?
I think you have detention.
[giggles] I think I don't.
Guys. He can't give us all detention.
Rip it.
[students murmuring]
I wouldn't do Okay, you did.
Rip it, Stinky.
Wait. No, no, no, no.
No, wait, wait, wait. No, come on.
You're a saint for walking with me.
And I'm an idiot
for getting too high to drive.
Why are you high at all?
You know when you like something
so much it's intoxicating,
and you lose control
over whatever you're saying or doing?
It's you.
You have this power over me. It's hot.
[chuckles] No. Really?
Then why did I overhear you tell Raven
we didn't hook up at my party?
This isn't a sidepiece sitch, is it?
I'm a main piece a corner piece.
Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, no, no.
Yeah, you're the main piece
and the corner piece.
- [chuckles]
- But Raven and I are not a thing.
Is that why you ignored,
like, 80 of my texts?
And also, I was worried
Brad would steal you. Women love him.
Really? First of all, I am my own woman,
and I can't be stolen.
And Brad is so cheesy.
I don't get, like, his stupid fake magic.
Yeah, right? He thinks he's hot shit
just 'cause he's
the go-to bar mitzvah magician.
How would he possibly handle
a woman like me
if he can't handle his own doves?
Well, no. It is a lot of doves.
I mean, they're easy to train,
but then you get into the molting
and the regurgitating and
Dove talk over.
I can't decide which bags
I wanna keep or take back.
- No rush. Take your time. Just chew on it.
- [cell phone chimes]
Your dad's mad
you haven't returned his call.
- Should I text him back the ush?
- Whatever.
[cell phone chimes]
"Aura update. White hot."
"Gavin and I made up and made out.
Hope you're having fun with the enemy."
"Give Lea a hug for me"
[chuckles] Shout-out!
"and some self-respect,
'cause clearly she doesn't have any,
or she wouldn't let Riley
use her as a doormat"?
Who even is "Ghia' anyway?
[chuckles] Nobody. She doesn't know
what she's talking about. [laughs]
- Clearly.
- Sorry to interrupt.
I just wanted to bring you girls
a tasty drink.
Thank you!
- Now go away, Karen.
- [Lea gasps]
- [Riley] Mm.
- [Lea giggles]
- Ugh. My stepmom is such a kiss-ass.
- [Erika] Photo op!
Mm. [swallows, chuckles]
[Lea] Okay. One second.
- [shutter clicking]
- So cute.
[Lea] Oh my gosh. Stunning.
Oh, yeah. No, I love it.
Yes. Oh my God, give me everything.
Can we take one of just me?
And can you move the wilted flowers?
They're dead?
Oh my God, I hate dead things.
- [Riley] So gross.
- Ugh.
Well, not all dead things are gross.
I mean, like cows.
Hamburgers are good.
[clears throat]
Uh, do you guys ever think
about what happens after?
To the cows?
No. Like like when we graduate,
and we move on to the next phase.
You know, and and we're hanging out
with new people.
People who aren't people.
They're other things. [chuckles]
What other things
would we be hanging out with?
You know, uh
When we start over, and we're not
nearly as popular anymore. [chuckles]
[Lea chuckles]
I'm always gonna be popular.
- How do you know that?
- I just do.
Oh. But how do you sustain that?
By any means possible.
[glasses clink]
- It's so nice hanging out with you.
- Yeah, it's it's nice to be alone.
[Erika chuckles]
[Riley chuckles]
Thank you for being cool
with me chilling until my date.
[Riley giggles]
Not a prob.
Nothing more chill than than this.
[chuckles awkwardly]
I need a fork.
Isn't this so nice?
All of us being friends?
Sure. But maybe just not on a date.
You're right. I'm gonna make her feel bad
and weird. And I'll ask her to leave.
No, I I just thought
it was gonna be just you and me.
Do you guys want me to go?
[both] No!
Because Jake L rainchecked.
Rude! Does "L" stand for "Loser"?
Hi! Can we get some new fries?
We stopped eating them, and they got cold.
Oh my God!
I love you guys! Hate you. Love you.
You, I don't know.
Oh, I'm not online.
I'm more of a a private person.
Weird. Can you take our pic?
[gasps] Ooh! Pretend to be fighting.
[both chuckle]
[shutter clicks]
[server giggles]
- [both typing]
- So
That's cool, babe.
[cell phones chiming]
I didn't say anything.
Can you stop texting so we can talk?
[cell phone chimes]
[both chuckle]
- Now you're texting each other?
- [both chuckle]
- [cell phone chimes]
- [gasps, chuckles]
- [Riley] Stop.
- Yes.
[Riley chuckles]
- [cell phone chimes]
- You gonna answer those?
Uh, no. They want me to follow up on
the ghostly presence I felt at your party.
You know, I get that I'm the medium
and the emotional glue of the group,
but it's like [sighs]
"Can't I have one night to myself?"
Are you feeling anything?
Besides, uh, greatness?
What's wrong? Am I bumming you out?
- Brad says I do that to people.
- No, no, no. It's not you.
I, uh I'm just
in my feelings about something else.
Uh, someone else.
What would you do
if you created a monster?
I actually have. Sophomore year, I created
a servitor to help me write my paper,
but then my, uh
my servitor came after me.
A real Frankenstein's monster situation.
Oh, you mean Erika.
The power of best friends
is that you can always patch things up.
No matter how weird
and annoying they're being.
Yeah, I dunno. It might be too late.
- The friend is using a weird fake voice.
- You think that's Brad's real voice?
Best friends don't give up
on best friends.
Even when they have to swallow their pride
and be the better best friend.
The real Erika's in there.
You just have to find her.
[soft pop music playing]
- [Erika] Bye, guys.
- Bye.
Bye, girl.
[chuckling] Hey, am I seeing things,
or were you out with Jake C and Riley?
- Yeah, so?
- I don't know. It's a little bit weird.
You lying in wait in my bushes is weird.
- Come to yell at me again?
- No. I I come in peace.
- Out of love.
- I really felt the love for me today.
Hey, look.
Look, I'm I'm really sorry.
I get that you're on edge right now.
You just found out you're dead,
and that's, like a hard thing to process.
But it's me, you know,
your best friend of a decade.
Can't we just talk for real?
We're talking.
I I didn't realize how much time
it would take to leave a legacy.
You know, time that you wouldn't
be able to spend with me.
I I really miss you.
Can't we just put aside the petty bullshit
and just be us
for the handful of days we have left?
Prom is in a week, and then
that's it.
We're running out of time.
Oh my gosh, Gia. You're right.
[inhales] I don't have time.
I need an extension!
I mean, the ghost that I know
needs an extension.
Uh, yeah, we can definitely
help with that.
Um, but first, I need some info
about your friend.
- What?
- Uh, promposal ideas.
- Whoa! Who're you going to prom with?
- I'm trying to have a conversation.
I can tell you're trying,
but desperation's not a tactic.
You need to give her
the telepathic stare-down.
Tell her how you feel without
saying it.
- I don't need your help.
- Yes, you do.
- Not right now.
- Okay.
Sorry, sorry. Um, so,
what is Gia's dream promposal?
No idea.
Seems like something
best friends would know, but whatever.
I'm trying to get ideas,
and you know her better than I do.
So Um, What's her favorite flower?
Is she more of a big public gesture
kind of girl or more private?
Would a flash mob be considered cheesy?
Why don't you just text her?
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I guess texting is
kind of our thing. [chuckles]
Okay. Yeah, I'll work on a draft
right now.
Liquid courage.
Okay. Back to me.
So, what if a ghost doesn't wanna finish
its unfinished business
and, you know, wants to stay embodied for
I dunno. 60 [chuckles]
70 years?
Or maybe even just like a month.
Um, are there any, uh,
tricks or loopholes?
Sure. A couple.
Edgar Allan Poe and Emily Dickinson
stayed embodied
because they became famous posthumously.
Their spirits were stronger in death
than they were in life.
Done. The ghost that I know is way more
famous now than when it was alive, so
And what about the bodies?
- Were they put to rest?
- [Sail] Uh-uh.
- How do you know?
- We just do.
Edgar's actually my uncle's roommate.
- Any more loopholes?
- [Sail] Marilyn Monroe.
Her UFB was to marry JFK, but
[imitates gunshot, giggles]
Okay, I get it. It was her fame.
Bigger in death than in life.
Then a ghost can stall its UFB.
Or cancel it.
Cool. Thank you.
- Hey, uh, can you help me? Texter's block.
- No time.
- Right. Prom assembly's about to start.
- Is that today?
Uh, right now.
Shit! I have to cancel it.
Prom can't happen!
As your student body president
slash prom committee chair,
it is my honor
to introduce our prom theme.
This has been nine months in the making.
So, hopefully, you don't mind
waiting a little longer
- as I give a few thank-yous.
- [cell phone chimes]
I'd like to thank Meredith,
who stayed up six nights in a row
making these amazing paper roses.
I'd also like to thank the Potts family
for donating the costumes
from their own personal collection.
And now for the big reveal.
- Drumroll, please!
- [drumroll]
- [dance music playing]
- [students chattering]
Where my girls at? ♪
Where my girls at? ♪
Where my
Where my girls at? ♪
Where my girls at?
Yeah ♪
This is bullshit!
[music slows to a stop]
[Erika] Prom is bullshit.
It's lame and it's cheesy.
And everyone has such high expectations,
they're guaranteed to be disappointed.
It's also problematic.
It's promblematic.
[students whispering]
[Erika huffs]
[Erika] Prom lifts up
the haves and the hots,
but completely disempowers
the have-nots, okay?
It is classist, and sexist, and
[students gasp]
I'm 16.
Only high schoolers get to go to prom.
That's exclusionary.
Don't even get me started
about what happens after prom.
Alcohol poisoning, drunk driving,
drive-through diarrhea. Prom kills!
Are you okay, Erika?
It seems like you're going mad.
I am going mad, Emma.
I'm mad for a girl
named Alice.
[Emma] Hmpf.
[Erika] A girl that just
wanted to take a nap,
which I feel like we can all relate to,
but instead,
she goes down the rabbit hole.
Yeah, AKA kidnapping.
Then she gets roofied, gaslit, and forced
to wear tights and patent leather shoes.
- Which I don't even want to talk about.
- Not to mention the themes of colonialism.
- [Erika] Yes. Thank you, Mrs. Huang.
- [girl] Right.
And then there's the body shaming.
she's too big.
Then, she is too small.
And we all know what the cat represents.
- A vagina.
- [students exclaim]
Forced to be deflowered
on prom night, okay?
- What's up with that?
- It's pagan bullcrap!
Yes. So what about
instead of screwing after prom,
we just skip it,
and we just say, "Screw prom"?
Let's effing go!
Uh No, no, no. Let's not go.
Jake C, will you not not not
go to prom with me?
- [boy 1] Come on, Jake!
- Um
- [boy 1] Come on, bro!
- [girl] Yeah, tell her!
[Jake C] Mm-hm.
[Erika] Okay, great!
[Erika] Yay! So if I'm not gonna go,
and you're not gonna go,
then maybe we should just cancel it.
Cancel it!
Yes! Let's cancel prom.
Cancel prom!
- [Erika] Cancel prom!
- [boy 2] Cancel prom!
[students chanting] Cancel prom!
[chanting continues]
[boy 3 shouting] Let's tear it down!
- [students cheering]
- [rock music playing]
[rock music continues]
- [shutter clicking]
- [Gia] Erika!
You You can't.
You can't just cancel prom.
Don't you understand?
You're not gonna ascend.
- It's fine. I found a loophole.
- What loophole?
I can stick around
if I'm more famous in death than in life.
There is no prom,
so there is no business to finish.
Bullshit. This is gonna
bite you in the ass.
Hey. Don't worry about me.
Well, you're ruining prom
for everyone else, including me.
Do you even care about anyone
or anything other than you?
Like, I don't know
Maybe your rotting corpse?
I haven't been there a week,
and nothing's happened.
Yeah, because I've been Postmates-ing ice
to the road by the woods every day!
- I didn't ask you to.
- What you gonna do when somebody finds it?
- How you gonna stop them?
- By any means possible.
Well, I I am gonna take your body
and I'm gonna drag it
to the middle of the road
in the center of town
so everybody finds you.
That moose weighs 1,000 pounds.
You can't move it!
- Her name is Shelley, and watch me!
- Over my dead
- What the hell was that?
- Can we discuss later?
Not only did you totally
180 me on prom again,
but you put me on the spot
in a very public way.
You said it was okay.
Because there were
100 people screaming at me.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure this was so, so hard for you.
And I would love to address this.
In private, of course.
But I've way bigger things
to deal with now
than you being a whiny little bitch.
["Paraphernalia" playing]
- [shouts] Move it or lose it, freaks!
- We need to talk.
Your ghost,
it's someone close to you, right?
When you said it's personal,
did you mean, like, really personal?
Yes, I meant personal.
And personal also means private.
So, if you don't wanna become a ghost too,
frickin' move!
["Paraphernalia" continues on car stereo]
- [Erika] Oh, no, you don't!
- [tires skid]
Leg cramp.
Dead leg. Dead dead leg. [exclaims]
Get out of the way, Gia!
[Erika grunting]
This isn't fair.
You have a lower center of gravity!
"I'm Erika. My life totally sucks."
"My boyfriend is too hot.
My bully is too nice."
"My parents are too supportive."
"My best friend isn't supportive enough."
- I'm dead!
- Your point?
At least you have the option to live
a life that sucks! I would die for that!
I mean [grunting] You know what I mean!
[gasps] This is so gross!
- [Gia grunting]
- [Erika yelps]
- [Erika] Get off me, bitch!
- [Gia] I'm not a bitch!
[both grunting]
[Erika] Takes one to make one!
Well, I'm sorry that I forced you out
of your woe-is-me sad loser comfort zone
just so you could actually have some fun!
My bad.
And I wasn't the one
who turned you into the exact person
that made you so sad in the first place!
[grunts] Just admit
you're jealous of Riley!
I am not talking about Riley.
I'm talking about you!
This was all you, babe!
Then I guess you're a bitch by association
'cause you could never be a real bitch!
- 'Cause you don't have the guts!
- [screams]
[Erika screams]
Oh, yeah?
Hey, guys. We've all been begging Erika
to drop the skin-care routine.
So here it is.
Blood, moose juice, corpse shavings.
And, of course, a healthy diet of maggots.
- [Erika retches, screams]
- #Ad, #Influencer.
- #GoingDown!
- [grunts]
Oh, you bitch.
- [Gia grunts]
- [screams]
[both grunting]
[Gia grunting]
[both grunt]
[Erika gasps, panting]
["Paraphernalia" playing]
[continues panting]
[music stops playing]
[song resumes]
Tried to escape just yesterday ♪
Though lately I can't pull myself away ♪
We see ourselves above the fray ♪
But still the sequence
Must be entertained ♪
I'm holding out hope
For another space-time ♪
Heaven ♪
For now I am counting the days ♪
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