Brickleberry s02e13 Episode Script


The hunters got your mother, baby eagle.
But you're gonna be okay.
Mount Brickleberry is a volcano? There is much about Brickleberry you do not know, Ethel Anderson.
How did you know my name? Our Gods tell us many things.
Also, once we Google spring break 2008 Anal creampie, safe search off, your picture come up.
Nice to meet you in person.
Can we get back to the part about the volcano, please? Our tribe has legend.
One day, Brickleberry will be no more.
Volcano is sign.
Come with us to our people's most holy place.
Gods create Brickleberry.
Hope it last many season.
But one day, Gods tire of Brickleberry.
Say, once people of Brickleberry entertain us, make us laugh.
Now, no one watch their adventures.
Seasons end.
Gods not renew.
People say, Gods, bring back Brickleberry.
Start online petition.
Gods not listen.
If our world's about to end, why don't you look worried? Because we're looking at this.
Woo! Spring break, mother[Bleep]! Brickleberry! Brickleberry! So I surveyed the volcano and, scientifically speaking, it is very unlikely to erupt.
Well, I just wanna say, if that thing does erupt, we will not evacuate! Well, we'll kinda have to.
I don't evacuate.
I didn't evacuate during the forest fires of '96, the flood of '01, or the Wait, I thought you said you evacuated during Katrina.
No, I said I evacuated on Katrina.
Great girl, Katrina.
I would've married her if she wasn't such a prude in the bedroom.
No anal blah, blah, blah.
Sorry to interrupt, but I'm gonna need like a half day off tomorrow To give birth.
Wha-wha-wha-wha-what! - You're pregnant? - Yeah, for nine months.
I can't believe none of you noticed my baby bump.
Your body has a lot of bumps.
We can't keep track of what they all are.
Well, this one's a baby.
No, this one's a baby.
Uh, I think.
I'd like to meet the guy that had sex with you, is he still in there? I'm a surrogate mother, silly.
Helping a nice gay couple have a baby.
Hang on! Y'all ignoring the elephant in the room.
What? Connie never gets this much attention.
How is everybody so calm? A volcano's about to go off, and Connie's obviously giving birth to the antichrist.
It's the end of the mother[Bleep] world! - Here he goes again.
- Yeah.
Denzel, last year, you saw the face of the antichrist in 12 different slices of burnt toast.
Maybe the toaster was set on anti-crust.
[Bleep] You, toaster! Laugh all you want, but I know the antichrist.
When I was young, I spent a lot of time in church, and my preacher said the antichrist was real.
Abba abba foray seba doo-dah sah dah dey dey.
Oohra suli rah-dah-dah-diddy! Aah dah da oh! At least, that's what I think he said.
Denzel, you're being ridiculous.
All I'm saying is, virgin birth, nice-looking? Jesus Christ.
Virgin birth, Connie-looking? Antichrist.
Uh, guys? I think my Yep, my water broke.
Ugh! Connie, your baby's gay parents should be on their way to the hospital now.
Oh, good.
Uh, they should be, but they just died in a hilarious car accident.
What! Oh, no.
Don't fret, Connie.
It's very easy to sell a white baby.
- Ca-ching! - No, I'm keeping it.
Well, good for you.
And bad for Dubai's open air baby-slave market.
Now, Connie, labor can sometimes take 24 to 48 hours.
So prepare yourself for a long Whoa! Damn it, BoDean.
I told you to pack our shit, not our sheep! Oh, hey, Woody.
What are you doing here? Ain't you supposed to be evacuating like us? Boys, you know I don't evacuate.
I laugh in the face of hurricanes, earthquakes, Godzilla, even Nicki Minaj.
But just between us, I'm terrified of volcanoes.
- Why's that? - Have you ever heard of Pompeii? Yeah, I caught that by screwing Bobby's sister.
- Yeah.
She gave it to me too.
- No, you idiots.
Pompeii was an ancient city that was destroyed by a volcano.
The people were all covered with lava, frozen forever doing whatever they were doing when they died.
What if I get covered with lava while I'm doing something embarrassing? - Like this guy.
- That's how my Daddy went.
We had to have a closed casket.
Focus, hillbillies! Now I can't have no archaeologist of the future finding me and thinking I'm some kind of perv just because a volcano got me while I'm milking my prostate.
For health reasons.
Boys, can you build me a secret volcano-proof bunker? We already got one.
We built it to survive the Obama-lypse.
This is my beautiful baby.
His name is Donnie.
- Aw! - What a pretty name! Thanks.
I got it out of a book.
I didn't have time to go through the other book.
Bacardi, Listerine, Arugula.
Oh, there's my shopping list.
Now Connie, I'm sorry about this, but federal guidelines dictate that I don't have to let you breastfeed at work unless you got a real sweet set of milkies.
What's wrong with my boobs? Besides the fact that you also have a back set? Ah! Antichrist! Antichrist! This is going too far, Denzel! That baby's evil.
I'll prove it! - How? - Through science.
If I shoot it in the face and it lives, it's the Devil.
Okay! Okay! Shoot it if it will shut you up.
No! I thought you were my friend, Denzel! How could you say those horrible things about my baby? It's just a baby, Denzel.
This has got to stop.
You really upset Connie.
Next time don't hesitate.
Aim for the Fontanelle.
All right! Enough with the black baby names.
I guess I should apologize to Connie and Donnie.
- Leave the gun! - Fine! Connie, I'm sorry Uh, Donnie, I'm not good at this apology stuff, but I'm sorry I said you were the antichrist.
Maybe when you grow up a little, you and Apology accepted.
Oh, thanks, Donnie.
You're pretty cool.
Wait, you can talk? Denzel, I'm going to rip out your dick and feed it to the demons of hell! Oh, who's my cute baby? You're my cute baby! I love my cute baby, because he's a cute baby! Cute, cute, cute, cute, baby, baby, cute! Love him! Cute! He said he was going to rip my dick off and feed it to a Demon.
- He the goddamn antichrist! - Seriously? That sounds horrifying! I'm about to eat a Hot Pocket you want to double-check it's not Beelzebub before I pop it in the microwave? Hot Pocket! - You're fat! - Okay, then why does that happen? There's a simple scientific explanation, Denzel.
Clearly, pesticides have built up in the groundwater.
And how does science explain that shit? There are several avian disorders that can cause birds to die mid-flight.
Oh, yeah? Well, what about that? Hey, look! It's a sunny circle and a happy star! - Aw.
- Yep.
- That sounds about right.
- Aw, come on! You can stay with me in the bunker, cubsie wubsie.
Everyone else will die in a firestorm of lava.
Why don't we just move, you [Bleep] maniac! And voo-la! Our top secret bunker.
So is this the elevator to the bunker? Are you sure this thing is volcano-proof? Oh, it's everything-proof.
Keeps out zombies, draculas, dragons And Jews.
Hot dog! It's like a dream come true! And once this door is closed, it can't ever be opened from the outside.
I mean, ever.
Uh oh, Bobby.
I think we put the door on backwards.
Holy shit! You mean we're trapped in here forever? Oh, no, not forever.
Just till we die.
Well, thanks for boosting my spirits, [Bleep]Face! Steve, you're my best friend.
Just give me a chance to prove what that baby really is.
- Not this again.
- Come on, Steve! This volcano blew its top on the day Donnie was born.
It's a sign of the apocalypse! Look at the clouds around it! All I see is an elephant flying an airplane and Wait, what's that? A giraffe with titties.
Damn, you stupid, Steve.
Hey, Connie.
How's the baby? I've come to realize that Donnie is different from other babies.
It's about time! We gotta kill He's gifted! He's so smart, he likes watching baby Einstein videos backwards.
Kill, kill, kill.
Sa sa-tan.
My sweet Satan.
It's weird.
I learn as much from Donnie as he learns from me.
Like today, he's been teaching me Biblical Aramaic! Al es-bataar qumran iskatu rakanoth! Isn't he the cutie-wutest? So, um, Connie? How exactly was this baby conceived? It was a pretty standard artificial insemination.
Okay, my dear, this won't take a minute.
Ave satanas! Sanguis bibimus! Oh, hell, no.
You guys are messing with me, right? Thanks for coming by, but I gotta feed Donnie now.
So we're stuck down here the rest of our lives? At least you're old and near death.
Think of me.
Great! What are we supposed to do now? Repopulate the Earth! Who wants some? Anything else we can do? I did install an activity center.
Who wants to play sorry? Uh, Bobby? All the pieces are missing.
Damn you, Goodwill! Oh, you two Morons are really firing up my irritable bowel syndrome.
Now where's the shitter in this tootincommon tool shed? Oh, it's right over Uh, uh Eh Shit! Where is the bathroom? Well, remember, Bobby, you decided to go with the crown molding instead of the toilet.
Well, somebody's gotta think about resale value.
No bathroom? I've got to go! Try to take your mind off of it.
Here, have a snack.
We got prunes, coffee, refried beans.
And for dessert we got them chocolate ex-lax candies.
- Sorry I doubted you, Denzel.
- Don't sweat it.
We just need some help from Preacher Vernon? - Eh? - The antichrist has come.
- Just like you said.
- I said that? - Uh, kind of.
- What should we do? Let me see what the snakes say.
Oh, he like to bite.
Gotta put him back.
They say we got to do a exorcism.
Did you say exorcism? I don't know.
I got a lot of snake venom related brain malfunction.
Where am I? Who put these snakes in my pants? Old MacDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O! And on this farm, he had a Cacodaemon.
Cacodaemon? Okay.
With a Here, and a There.
Here a There a Everywhere a Old MacDonald had a farm.
E-I-E-I O! Oh, antichrists love old MacDonald.
Just like it say in the Bible.
We got holy water, sharpened stakes, and a DVD of Evil Dead 3 for him to sign.
We ready.
But what chance do the three of us have against the Prince of evil? The four of us.
I'm in.
- I thought you only believed in science.
- Oh, I did, then I babysat little Donnie.
He puked up a giant lizard bat, then said something about my mom sucking [Bleep] in hell.
[Bleep] Science.
Let's exorcise that bitch! All right! Everybody grab a snake! Now lady, feel free to grab the one-eyed black one, but don't you dare touch my penis.
That belong to Jesus.
Hi, Connie, I Shh! It's little Donnie's nap time.
He can't sleep unless I play classical music.
It's because he's so intelligent.
Do you want to hold him? No! I mean, I just came to tell you the whole gang sprang for a spa day for you! Because you must be so tired from taking care of a newborn, not evil baby.
Oh, I am pretty worn out.
Donnie drank most of my blood for lunch.
Mmm! Well, Steve and Denzel and their friend can't wait to take care of Donnie.
Well, maybe for a few minutes.
I'm so excited! I can't believe Kate Upton has a side business where she gives erotic massages to completion.
She'll be here any minute.
Just relax.
Let's get rid of those puffy bags under your eyes! - Zap, boom, boom, boom.
- Zzzzz! - Woo woo woo! - Zibby zap zap zap.
- Shoom.
Boom! - Boom, zam.
Bring it on, Darth, you big black son of a bitch.
Luke, I am your Daddy.
Are you serious, Bobby? - I'm a kill you! I'm a kill you! - [Bleep] You! Get off me! Get off me! This is definitely better than those horrible prequels.
Oh! I'm prairie dogging.
Quiet! Luke's about to bite Anakin's nose off.
Oh, I gotta take a shit so big Kim Kardashian may try to marry it.
I gotta get outta here.
Aha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Uh-oh.
This is it? You four think you can stop me? Don't listen to him.
He'll use his lies to try to make us turn on each other.
- The preacher said you're a pussy.
- What? - What's wrong with you? - Like that.
That's a good example of what we shouldn't let him do.
Oh, laugh now, antichrist.
Because surprise! We've assembled an exorcism dream team! Father Quinn! I'm going to need to be alone with the child.
You don't have a nanny cam, right? - Rabbi Maltzman! - No, no.
You stay in there, demon.
As long as you're comfortable.
I schlepped all the way here from Brooklyn.
But don't worry about me.
And Witch Doctor Kuzniak! Lucky for us, I went to medical school in Haiti.
And Jorge, who's seen The Exorcist seven 1/2 times and let us use his car.
I'm not with them! I'm on your side! Jorge, shut up.
Come on, let me sell you my soul.
I'll sign whatever contract Ben Affleck signed.
- Whatever! - I was up for a challenge.
This is going to be far too easy.
The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! Shut up.
So who wants to choose how I will kill the rest of you? - Blowjobbed to death? - You got it.
By rabid hell hounds.
And here we I'm going to write Kate Upton a not-so-nice Yelp review.
Ethel, what the hell's going on here? We're doing an exorcism on your crazy-ass devil baby! And we almost got blowjobs, until you showed up! Connie, we've got to trust the Lord.
Just like it say in the Bible.
If the exorcism don't go so bueno, throw that goddamn baby in a volcano.
Ha! What? No! Sorry, Connie, but it's the only way to stop the apocalypse.
You're lucky we got a volcano right here.
Most people with devil babies gotta pay for a plane ticket to Hawaii.
Screw you guys! Come on, Donnie.
I'll protect you, I promise! Get her! That baby owes us blowjobs! Run away with cute baby! They're trying to kill my cute baby! Cute, cute, cute, cute.
Shit, shit, shit, shit! I bet they'll never find me here at the top of the volcano.
Ah, crap.
You've got to throw the baby in, Connie.
- He's the Devil! - Never! Donnie is a perfectly normal baby! - Mom? - What is it, honey? I've got something that's kind of hard for me to tell you.
I'm - Gay? - No, I'm the Son of Satan.
- Oh, that's a relief.
- I was afraid you'd Get mad and throw you in a volcano? Donnie, I love you no matter what you are.
I'm your mother.
Connie, he just told you he's Satan's son! What does it take, lady? I got this.
How could I separate a Mama and her baby? Like this! Ah! No! No! No! Okay, here's what happened.
It actually says here, do not throw a devil baby in a volcano.
Do not.
Okay, I'm gonna be honest.
Ain't no words in this book.
Damn it, Vernon! Never listen to a man drunk on snake venom.
Just like it say right here in the Bible.
Let the apocalypse begin! Oh, shit! No, no, no! I said, put it in her cooter, then her pooter.
Oh! There! Thank you, prunes.
I think we're okay.
Oh, well.
Brickleberry last more season than I thought it would.
I guess this is it, guys.
Denzel, I have something to confess.
I ate one of your Kit Kats a couple of weeks ago.
Oh, we even.
I [Bleep] Your grandmother.
Ethel, I have to confess.
I may have given you a few unnecessary pelvic exams.
Every stripper in my club has a dong.
Even the one that gave me a tug job on my birthday? Especially that one! Hoo! She's got a biggy! I love you guys.
Donald Sutherland Cunaman! What do you think you're doing, young man? I did not raise you to end creation! - Mom! - You cut it out, right now! You're embarrassing me in front of my friends! Well, if they only like you because you're causing the apocalypse, they're not real friends, are they? Mom! I'm going to count to three.
One two Oh, fine! Whatever! Sorry, guys, my mom is being lame.
We'll do this later, like after she dies on August 30, 2042.
I'm proud of you, son.
I gotta go, mom.
I kinda belong down there.
My little baby's all grown up.
- See you in hell, ma.
- See you in hell, son.
The apocalypse is over! We're saved! But where's Woody and Malloy? This next exhibit was found in the ancient ruins of Brickleberry Park.
These three people and a small bear were covered by lava when a volcano erupted! While they were having what appears to be a gay orgy.
The Brickleberry four-way is all we know about what life was like in the 21st Century.
It must have been a paradise.
We believe it was.
We believe it was.