Bridge and Tunnel (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

A Perfect Couple

- Previously on Bridge and Tunnel
- Is this true about Jill?
Because I was under the understanding
that that was over again.
Jill? Hey, it's me. I'm here.
You can wait down here if you want,
or you can join me.
Well, if you're giving me the option.
You know what they call
me? Bridge and Tunnel.
They're like, "Oh, hey,
Bridge and Tunnel,
go get some coffee from the store."
You really want to go through life
sounding like one of
those "dese," "dose,"
- and "dem" girls?
- You mean like you?
I don't even hear a fuckin' accent.
Yeah, neither do I.
I guess it leaves the door wide
open for you, though, Tammy.
What? No Why would you say that?
He's my ex, okay?
Even if I can't have him,
you can't go anywhere near
him, Tammy, please.
You wanna have some fun?
And that's my cue.
What, do you got a problem
with Tammy now?
Those two just can't get
enough of each other, huh?
Yeah, they're just so cute, huh?
I don't wanna be beholden
to anyone, not even you.
You want to get back
together for three weeks,
knowing we're gonna fuckin'
break up when I leave?
You want me to wait here for you?
You wanna tie me down?
You don't want any of
that freedom for me,
and that's not fair!
Lemme hit that.
- Hey, can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
How come you think we could never
make it work as a couple, hm?
What are you talking about, Mikey, huh?
We were the perfect couple.
Why do you think we're
able to hook up like this?
'Cause we both had
realistic expectations.
Neither of us wanted
anything from the other,
and that's why we were
perfect for each other.
What, so we had a great relationship
because we didn't really
have a relationship?
- Is that it?
- Exactly.
That some fucked up logic, Stacey.
You know that?
I guess I'm fucked up.
No, don't give me that.
You've always liked to play
the role of the wild child.
- You always have.
- So deep down,
I'm just a romantic
little sap, is that it?
I wouldn't go that far,
but I'm just saying, you know, if
maybe if you just found
the right guy, who knows?
So when I meet the right guy,
my knight in shining armor
you know, not you
I'll finally get my act together?
Is that what you're saying to me?
No, I didn't mean it like that.
Well, good.
Oh, hey, Wayne.
- Wayne?
- Yeah, not much.
I'm just smoking a J, watching TV.
What about you?
- Who the fuck is Wayne, huh?
- My boyfriend.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah, no.
I'm just having dinner
with my pops tonight.
No, no, I think I'm gonna
stay a few more days,
um, but I'll give you a call, okay?
So yeah.
All right. Bye.
Hey, kid, you're not gonna believe
this guy's photography collection.
He's got some beautiful prints in there.
What the hell's goin' on with
you this morning, anyhow?
Why so quiet?
Is anybody really
talkative at this hour?
That is just a choice, my man.
You can choose to be cranky,
or you can choose to be cheery.
Personally, I choose to be cheery.
- Is being quiet a choice?
- Yes, it is.
In the same way that being
a dick to your old man is.
- Dad, I'm sorry.
- And now you can carry the ladder
- by yourself and all the other shit
- I'm not fully awake right now.
I'll take care of the beer.
I'll see you in there.
Can we just not talk for a little while?
I haven't even finished my coffee.
Ah, shit.
I'm not gonna hear the end of this shit.
And another thing,
everybody gets their heart
broken at some point.
It's all a matter of
how you deal with it.
Another choice.
Some people choose to throw
themselves into their work
Didn't we just agree to be quiet?
Oh, really, you're gonna
give me some lip now?
You got a day ahead of
you. To the left, please.
Hey, you.
Ah! You look so handsome.
- Yes.
- What, you got another interview today?
Yeah, and this one's
with a real big firm.
- Ooh.
- Yeah. To be honest though,
I'm I'm starting to think
I don't want one of these jobs
- even if I get it.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Why would you ever say that?
Well, because, you know, every
time I go on these interviews
and I walk through these offices,
you just you see all those people
just sitting at their desks,
day after day, year after
year, counting numbers.
I mean, Jesus, it just
it seems like a death
sentence, you know?
Can ask you something?
And you got to promise to
not get mad at me, please.
Why the hell did you ever
decide to major in accounting?
I didn't, really.
I'm just I'm pretty good at math,
and I didn't know what to major in,
so my advisor was like,
"Hey, accounting would be a good fit."
So that's what I did.
But you have no passion for it.
Passion? Are you are
you fuckin' kidding me?
I have no interest in it.
Forget about passion.
But, hey, look, you gotta
make a living, right?
I don't know, you were just
always such a great artist
in high school. You know? Remember?
Like, why didn't you
pick to study painting
or drawing or something like that?
And what would I do with that degree?
I don't know, Mikey, something
you might actually enjoy, huh?
Like work in advertising
- or something in the arts.
- Yeah, right.
You know what my father would have said
if I tried to tell him that's
what I went to college for?
He'd be like
- Yeah..
- Yeah.
Look, I'm not like you
or Pags or Jimmy, all right?
I mean, you've always known you
wanted to go to business school.
Pags, he he wants to be a lawyer.
Jimmy, he's got his photography.
Me? I don't know.
It's like
I've got nothing I'm dying to do.
So did you see Seaver last night?
Seven strikeouts, but I swear to Christ,
it breaks my heart to see him
in that Cincinnati uniform.
I don't know why you're
still a Met fan, Dad.
After that trade?
You should have jumped ship like I did.
Oh, you want me to root for the Yankees?
Over my dead body.
Yeah, well, then, get used to losing
'cause I was all the Mets
are gonna be good at.
Hey, why so negative?
It's still only early June.
Yeah, and they're already 11 games back.
Hey, you mark my words.
Before the season is out,
they will make a run just
like we did in '69 and '73.
Yeah, you say the same thing every year,
and every year it's the same.
They stink.
I don't understand how
you're always so optimistic.
Again, my man, it's all about choices.
I could piss and moan
about a lot of things.
My customers, the mortgage,
the fact that your sister
wants to be a rock star,
but where that does that get me?
And, more importantly,
where does that get you,
having to listen to all
my negative bullshit?
All right, so just like being
cheery in the morning
optimism is a choice.
Remember that, Jimmy.
So what you're saying is, I should keep
a positive attitude about things, right?
Like Jill, for example.
Oh, jeez. Now why would
you have to do that?
Why would you have to bring
her into the conversation?
I wasn't talking about Jill.
I swear to you, Jimmy.
You are absolutely hopeless,
you know that?
I'm a born romantic, Dad.
- Get used to it.
- Mm.
But now, I know how to get
you to shut up in the morning.
Just talk about Jill.
I'm gonna hit the head.
Very funny, young man.
Hey, but do me a favor.
When you go through there,
make sure you take a look
at some of this guy's prints.
Whoa, Dad, you were right.
This guy's got beautiful stuff.
Hey, you see the one
above the fireplace?
Yeah, that's his Bruce Davidson.
I thought you might like that.
Yeah, yeah.
It's pretty incredible.
- Here you go.
- Oh.
Thanks again, by the way.
Yeah, uh, anytime.
That's, uh
- No, you can keep the change.
- Oh.
Um, thank you.
- Well, wish me luck.
- Good luck.
Hey, even if you don't wanna
take the job, you know,
it might be nice just to get an offer.
Yeah, and if I don't, I may
have to come back here
- and get a job with you.
- Oh, yeah. No, no, no.
I mean, as much as I
would love to have you
hanging around here all day,
um, you don't wanna work here.
No, the pay's still lousy,
and the, uh, tips are worse.
Oof. Sorry about that.
But, hey, as you know,
I still am unemployed.
No, I'm just teasing.
I'm I'm only teasing you,
but, um, hold on a sec. Um
There, that's
Bueno. That's better.
Very professional.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
You know, I do have one more
thing I wanna ask you, though.
Why would it be nice having
me around every day? Hm?
Oh, I I think it's time
for you to go, hm?
You're gonna miss your train. Mm-hmm.
- All right, I'll see you around.
- Yeah.
- I'll be here.
- Oh, I know where to find you.
You're about 12 hours past your curfew.
What can I say?
We had the most incredible night,
and neither one of us wanted it to end.
- Why aren't you at work?
- Because I don't feel good.
Oh, for the love of Christ,
you're not pregnant, are you?
- No.
- Good.
'Cause I know someone else
who got pregnant at 22,
- and look where you end up.
- I love you too, Ma.
All right, so what's
the matter with you?
Nothin'. I just don't feel good.
No, but I can feel a headache coming on.
Oh, well, since you're
home, I need a favor.
I wanna wear my Chanel dress tonight,
but I'm gonna need you
to alter it for me.
It's been a few years.
I might need some breathing room.
Wow, you haven't worn
that since Daddy died.
What's the big guy got planned for you?
Please don't call him that.
You know he doesn't like it.
But since you asked,
Stevie is taking me to the Rainbow Room.
If you can believe it,
it's our six-month anniversary.
You know, I really can't believe it.
I'll have to alert the presses.
To the graduate.
It's good to have you back
- working with your old man.
- Good to be back home, Dad.
I gotta admit, it is hard to believe
that your four years of
college are already done,
and you're headed off into
the real world already.
I know, it's pretty
fuckin' crazy, right?
I still can't believe I'm leaving
- in less than three weeks.
- And as proud as I am of you,
I gotta admit,
it's also kinda breakin'
my heart a little bit.
Why? Why would it break your heart?
Why do you think? I'm gonna miss you.
You gotta understand, like,
raising you and your sister,
it all went by way too quickly.
I mean, for your mother and I,
it feels like just yesterday
- you were still little kids.
- Yeah.
And I miss that little guy.
I miss that kid who loved nothin'
more than hanging out
with his old man, goin'
fishing, playin' hoops,
sittin' on my lap watchin' a Met game.
Dad, you want me to sit
on your lap now, huh?
I'll do it if it makes you feel better.
Don't be a fuckin' wise guy, all right?
Look, I'm not gonna be
gone forever, right?
- I'll be back in six months.
- No, you won't.
This job is gonna lead to
another great opportunity,
which is gonna take
you to God knows where.
And before you know
it, another four years
are gonna go by like that.
You know what we should do?
On the way home, we'll
stop at the public library
and pick up a couple of
books on Bruce Davidson.
If you like that shot in there,
you'll love the rest of his stuff.
Do me a favor, eat
your friggin' sandwich.
You're too skinny to begin with.
Did Tammy ever talk to
you about me and Mikey?
I mean, yeah, sometimes a little.
Come on, Jill, cut the bullshit.
You said so last week.
She likes him, doesn't she?
Yeah, but she's never gonna act on it.
Yeah, well, she fuckin' better not.
And you can tell her
I said so. He's mine.
Okay, but you don't have to
worry about that with her.
Also, Mikey's not so innocent here.
Tammy said he's become a real regular
- at the diner these days.
- Really?
So you're telling me
while I'm in the city,
these two are having little rendezvous?
I would not call them "rendezvous."
Think he goes in for coffee.
She pours it. He drinks it. He leaves.
That's about the extent of it.
What's going on with you two anyway?
Me and Mikey? I don't know.
You know, I thought it would
be a cute little fling,
but, ugh, I can feel myself
and I swear to God, Jill,
if you tell anyone I told you
this, I'll fuckin' kill you
wanting more.
What about Wayne?
I don't know.
I'm kind of starting to feel
guilty all of a sudden.
Ooh, you're feeling guilty?
That's new for you.
- Maybe we should call you a doctor.
- Oh, come on.
And to make it worse, Wayne
told me he loved me last week.
And he got me this.
Wasn't even my birthday.
This is a real fucking diamond, baby.
Is he at all suspicious that
you've been coming back home
these past few weekends?
Wayne? No.
He's much too busy at the club
to worry about shit like that.
You know, I thought it would
be fun to see the two of them,
but to be completely honest with you,
I'd rather be with Mikey.
So just tell him that.
What if he doesn't feel the same way?
I mean, wouldn't you rather know?
No. Fuck that.
I'd rather live in the fantasy.
Never mind.
Where were you?
Did you forget you were
taking me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure you asked
us to get back by 6:00,
and we are here with three
minutes to spare, are we not?
You always have to cut
it close, don't you?
Could you please go get
my bag in the bedroom?
Look, we had to make
a stop on the way home
because the kid is in love.
- Hey, Ma.
- Oy vey. Is it Jill again?
I thought we were done with her.
No, no, no. Don't worry yourself.
- It's a new photographer.
- Oh, thank God.
Hey, Ma, why would you
say that about Jill?
That's totally not cool.
Why would I say that? Oh, I don't know.
Maybe because when
she broke up with you,
suddenly and out of the
blue and broke your heart,
you wouldn't leave your
room for a few months.
Okay, but it's my life, okay?
And I really don't appreciate
you and Dad always taking shots at her.
What would you do if she and
I get back together one day
and maybe even get married?
Huh? How would you feel then?
If by "one day" you mean
ten years from now,
I wouldn't have a problem with it.
If you mean anytime soon,
I would feel depressed,
angry, sad, disappointed. I can go on.
You guys are such jerks
sometimes, you know that?
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you getting on me for too?
I didn't say anything.
Did I say anything?
- Yeah, but
- I don't think I did.
Yeah, but you feel the same way.
That's because we're smarter than you,
and we know that heartbreak
can lead to desperation,
which can lead to a proposal.
And I don't wanna see you get married
- to the first and only girl you've ever dated.
- Proposal. You hear this?
Do you know why she's the
only girl I've ever dated?
It's not 'cause I'm desperate.
No, it's because she's my best friend.
And she supports me,
and she's funny and smart
and nonjudgmental.
I can go on.
What are you gonna do, babe?
He's a temperamental artist.
They see the world a little
differently than the rest of us.
Temperamental artist.
I know exactly where he gets it.
What's going on with you, huh?
What? What are you talkin' about?
You thinking about somebody else?
- Me? What?
- Yeah.
Why would you think that?
I don't know.
Just a feeling.
Well, I wasn't. Okay?
- You sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.
Why would you say that?
I don't know.
Can I ask you something?
Why do you go into
the diner all the time?
To grab breakfast before
jumping on the train
to go to another shitty job interview,
like I did this morning.
- Not to see Tammy?
- What? No.
I mean, it's nice to see
her when I'm in there,
but she's not the reason I go there.
W-Why are you asking me this right now?
Because Jill told me that
Tammy likes you, all right?
That she's always liked you,
going all the way back to high school
when you and I were together.
- Did you know that?
- No, I did not.
She never made a move on you, right?
And you can't go anywhere near her.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Well, I'm not planning on it.
- Good.
Yeah, but it's not like you
don't have a boyfriend
that you live with in the city, right?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
So I don't that you have
the right to tell me
who I can or can't see, you know?
So you're gonna be an asshole?
Oh, I'm the asshole.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
Do you not remember?
You're the one that said,
"We are a perfect couple
because neither one of us makes
any demands of the other."
And I stand by that.
So then what the fuck
are we talkin' about?
But you didn't answer my question.
What question?
What would you do if Tammy
wanted to hook up with you?
Oh, my God.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Hey, little man, your
mother is off safely.
So what do you think?
Pretty great, right?
This guy is incredible.
I mean, look at that shot.
Yeah, well, why do you think
he's one of my favorites?
You know, it's weird, but, but
some of these shots could just
as easily be pictures of me
and my friends hanging out.
Look look at that. Huh?
I mean, can't you see it? Mikey, Stacey,
us on the boardwalk in Long Beach.
Come on! This guy's
He blows me away.
Yeah, and what exactly is it
that you like so much about it?
I don't know. It it
They're just so
Just so intimate.
And kinda bittersweet, too.
You know, it's
like they're beautiful and
sad at the same time.
You know, you're gonna
you're gonna think I'm a weirdo,
but I got little teary-eyed
looking at some of these.
There is nothing weird about that.
All right, that is what a great
artist is supposed to do
make you feel something.
- Yeah.
- Whether it's Bruce Davidson or
the Stones or your man, Kerouac. Right?
And you know who we're gonna
add to that list one day?
Jimmy Farrell.
You think I'm shittin' you,
but mark my words, you
got that kinda talent, kid.
Suck in.
So how's everything at work?
Everything's fine.
I only ask because you don't seem sick,
and I thought maybe
you didn't go in today
because of that boss that's been
making fun of your accent.
- Am I right?
- Yeah, I just wasn't in the mood
to deal with their bullshit
today, you know?
Ugh, I already told you what
you need to do, didn't I?
I don't know why you won't
listen to your mother.
Uh, 'cause I'm not gonna tell
my boss to go fuck herself.
- Why not?
- 'Cause I'll get fired.
Yeah, but you'll have your self-respect,
as opposed to hiding out here.
I'm gonna warn you,
I got a pin in my hand,
I'm gonna stick it in your ass
if you say another word.
- You wanna hear my advice?
- No, I don't.
Not now. Not ever.
You go into the office tomorrow.
They make fun of your accent,
you tell her if she gives
you any more shit,
you're gonna smack the crap out of her.
And you know what's gonna happen then?
- I'll get fired.
- No, just the opposite.
She'll respect you, and you're
gonna get a promotion.
Wow, that's really great advice, Ma.
Terrific stuff. But that's not
how the business works.
Oh, please, don't tell me
how the business works.
You forget, I worked
the garment district
- before I met your father.
- Yeah, as a seamstress.
It's very different when you
work for a big designer.
You're right. It is different.
And you wanna know how it's different?
- No.
- I'd never let anyone shit on me.
Yo, you guys think it's funny,
but I'm worried, man.
I've been on, like, ten interviews,
and I haven't gotten one nibble.
You know, I still don't know
why you studied accounting.
I mean, who the fuck wants
to be an accountant?
Yeah, this from the guy who
wants to be a fuckin' lawyer.
Yeah, you know, Pags, since junior high,
we've been hearing you
brag about this master plan
of becoming a hotshot music attorney,
but have you ever thought
about what you would do
if you didn't get into law school, huh?
Dude, what the fuck?
Why would you say that?
Don't put that shit out there.
You're gonna fuckin' jinx me.
You think Mikey has those
kind of powers, huh?
- This fuckin' guy.
- Like he could say some shit,
and just 'cause he says it, he
can affect the fuckin' outcome?
I mean, look, 'cause if you can, Mikey,
please, say something
so Jill can see the error
of her ways, please.
Ay, Dios mío. This guy. No matter
what we're talking about,
you manage to bring it
around to Jill, huh?
You know, Mikey's right on this one.
You're a sad and pathetic
individual, Jimmy.
But you know, it's your curse.
You're just fucked in the head
when it comes to this girl.
No, no. I'm not fucked in the head.
It's in the heart where
my pain lies, Pags.
Right fuckin' here, Pags.
You know what? It's gonna
be a very, very good day
when you go to Alaska.
Yeah, and I'm gonna
drive you to the airport
and make sure you actually get
on that fucking plane, all right?
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Hey, what's the count, huh?
- 1-2.
- You ready to strike out?
- Hey,
gimme something I can
fuckin' hit, all right?
- Gimme some heat.
- You want the fuckin' heat?
I want some fuckin' heat, baby, come on.
All right, you're gonna get
the fuckin' heat, then.
Nolan Ryan!
- Get the fuck outta here.
- Bottom of the fourth, 7-0,
- Nick Pagnatti, baby.
- Mr. Pagnatti? Mr. Pagnatti.
- Over here, Mr. Pagnatti. What do you got?
- What? You want something?
- You want something good?
- Ohh.
- This is how I drink my beer.
- Right here.
Strike the pose.
- Beautiful.
- Fuckin' noodle arm.
- You want some of this. You want some of this.
- What do you got?
- Look.
- What do you got, Mikey?
I got some fuckin' rock star muscle
for you, baby, look at that.
- Yeah!
- Yo, Jimmy, what the fuck?
Why are you takin' pictures
of us all of a sudden?
Well, because he's gonna miss us, Pags.
He needs a little something
to remember us by, you know?
Come on, here, put this one
under your pillow, Jimmy.
Oh, you guys are fuckin' adorable.
You're gonna make me cry. Come on.
Mikey, get it. There we go.
Aw, come on. There it is.
Hey, so you heard Stacey's
back in town this weekend.
Mm, yeah, I heard.
You know what, I can't even
believe her and Mikey, actually.
Oh, really?
Come on, Tammy.
You had to see that comin'.
No. I didn't, actually.
I actually thought
she might be loyal to
her boyfriend for once.
Jeez, isn't she living with
this guy in the city anyway?
Oh, come on, you don't
give a shit about that.
You're just upset about the fact
that he jumped right
back into bed with her
- and not you.
- Okay, uh, first of all.
I would not jump right
into bed with anyone,
- thank you very much.
- Oh, sorry.
But by the way, how could you say that
in front of Stacey the other night?
Say what? Oh, what, that
you got a crush on him?
- Yes!
- A big, fat, honkin' crush on him?
Yes, because I don't. That was
that was high school.
I do not have a crush on Mikey anymore.
Oh, really? 'Cause it
did not look that way
when you were watching them
grinding all over each other
- on the dance floor last week.
- Shit, okay.
It was that it was that obvious?
Yeah, it was pretty fuckin' obvious.
Okay, okay, enough picking
on me, thank you.
What about you? What's, uh
What's going on with Jimmy, hmm?
- Nothin'.
- Jill, come on, I've told you.
You've got this great guy who loves you,
and it's pretty fuckin' obvious
you still love him too.
Okay, just take advantage
of that, you know?
Honestly, you have no
idea how lucky you are.
Yeah, and it won't take too long.
I promise. Just a couple of minutes.
And you don't even have
to do anything, all right?
You just stand there
like you normally would.
I told you I'm not taking any
more freaking pictures, man.
- Why not?
- Because, I did my work earlier.
You want more? Talk to my agent.
Hey, I'll do it for you, Jimmy.
- Really?
- Yeah.
All right. Uh, what about you, Stacey?
You're not gonna get us
to do anything pervy
- like make out, are you?
- No, no.
Hey, it's just you two hangin'.
All right? Less is more.
- Less is more. Says who?
- Oh, please.
Hey, Jimmy.
You got the wide lens on today?
Stay where you are.
Let me should you boys
how it's done, huh?
Hold this.
- Uh
- How's this, Jimmy?
It's you know, it has
its charms, no doubt.
But this is supposed to
be a little more candid.
Uh, you know
You know what? Tammy,
could you come here?
- Come right up to the jukebox here.
- Okay.
You can put your arms on it.
And, Stacey, go over
here right next to her.
Gimme that thing. Thank you.
You know, we can make it look
like we're picking music.
- Just like
- Oh, yeah, do me a fuckin' favor, Tammy,
and don't tell me what
to do. How about that?
- Aw. Okay. See ya.
- No
Okay, um
That's that's nice. Just, um
Don't look at the camera,
and just do what feels natural.
- Okay?
- All right.
But you want me to look sexy, right?
Yes, absolutely.
But it's sexier when
you're just relaxing.
- Oh, okay.
- All right, just do what feels natural,
- I'm not here. Okay?
- All right. All right.
Stacey, uh, it's got to be
a little less obvious, okay?
Like I'm trying to capture a moment.
- Oh
- So you're just
kinda look like you're bored.
Bored? Oh, okay.
Well, that'll be fuckin' easy then.
How about this?
A little of this? Little bit of this?
- All right.
- No? Oh. You know what?
I'm fuckin' out of here.
- You're lame anyway.
- What you mean you're outta
Stacey. Come on.
Fuckin' lame, Jimmy.
I'm outta here.
What the fuck is goin' on with her?
Hey, Stace, wait up a second.
What's going on?
Nothing's going on,
all right? I'm leaving.
All right, let me grab my jacket.
I'll come with you, all right?
Mikey, just stop. Okay?
I can't do this tonight.
I gotta get back to the city.
What are you talkin' about? Why?
I thought you said we were hangin' out.
You just really don't get it, do you?
- Huh?
- Get what? Huh?
I think it's time we put
an end to this little fling
or whatever the fuck is
even goin' on here, okay?
What am I even doing here anymore?
What you mean? What
are you talking about?
Is it because of our
conversation earlier?
Is it?
But I'm living in the
city with a guy, right?
Maybe he's my knight in
shining armor, you know?
Maybe it's time for me to
get my fucking shit together.
Right? Just like we said?
Huh? Just like all of yous are
fuckin' tellin' me all the time?
Please, just don't make this any
harder than it already is, okay?
All right.
Just get the fuck outta
here Mikey, okay?
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