Buck Rogers in the 25th Century s01e12 Episode Script

- I want Buck Rogers! - I think he'd make you a very bad spouse, Princess: [Narrator.]
Princess Ardala returns with a diabolical scheme to bring the Earth to its knees: : : And Buck Rogers to the altar: You will bejoined with Princess Ardala: : : Forever: Talk about shotgun weddings: I must be won in order to be wed: - Dr: Huer, it's glowing! - Destroy it! Now! Our pulsars have no effect! [Man Narrating.]
The year is 1987, and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes: In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William "Buck'"Rogers, are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life-support systems: : : And returns Buck Rogers to Earth: : : [Wilma.]
Anything about it look familiar, Buck? Negative: I have never seen anything like it: Did you hear that, Dr: Huer? Buck has just ruled out the possibility: : : It's an ancient probe that's fallen back to Earth's orbit: Go easy on the word ancient, will ya? [Sighs.]
Twentieth century: [Wilma.]
What do you suggest we do next, Doctor? - Dr: Huer? - Destroy it: We're not certain that it's unmanned: We can't: [Twittering.]
Sensors indicate there's no life-form aboard: Dr: Theopolis has just informed me that the object's orbit has stabilized: Wherever it came from, it is now sustaining a position: : : Directly over New Chicago: We can only assume it's some kind of weapon: So destroy it:! Now:! Yes, sir: Our pulsars have no effect! The object has stopped tumbling: One of its points is is turning: - Towards the Earth! - We must sound a general alert immediately: It's glowing! Dr: Huer, it's releasing a beam of energy! Activate Omega defense program immediately! Dr: Huer! - Sensors say it hit, Wilma: - Dr: Huer, are you all right? We're still here, Colonel: It hit outside the city: - Anyway, it started to tumble again: - [Droning.]
Let's get back down there: [Whispers.]
Turn the lights off: The weapon works perfectly: We begin the annihilation of the Earth's cities upon your command: There's been a slight change in plan, Kane: I wish to send a subspace transmission to the Earth Defense Directorate: Those are not your father's instructions! Emperor Draco specifically stated I'm not deaf, Kane: I heard my father's instructions: I simply wish to make a few embellishments of my own: Come along, Kane: We have a transmission to make: [Klaxon Beeping.]
[Man On P: A:.]
Alert:! Alert:! Direct hit to Level 10, Sectors "H'"through "L: '" Dr: Theopolis: [Chirping.]
What's the latest on the weapons? It's still holding a position directly above New Chicago: - Hello, Dr: Huer: - Hello, Princess: Were you impressed by our target practice just now? Well, I think you know that answer to that: One of our two-year expeditions to the galactic center discovered the pyramid: It was being used for mining by one of the planets there: Naturally, we thought it had far greater potential: - Naturally: - It really is the ultimate weapon, Doctor: You have no idea how it works or what can stop it: And you have no time at all to find out: It can destroy your space port and your city before you launch one ship: Then, why haven't you done it? Well, I prefer to discuss it with the Earth Federation Council tonight: [Ardala.]
You will arrange a reception for me: And you'll invite not only all of your leaders, but Buck Rogers as well: - I'm honored, Princess: - Well, hello, Captain Rogers: I must say, you're still looking fit: So are you, Princess: I trust I'll see you this evening: A lot more depends on it than you might think: What do you think you're doing? Your orders were to destroy the Earth:! And your orders are to obey my wishes: If you cannot do so, Kane, I'm sure I can find someone who can: They're going to use that weapon to extort us: Doctor, I'll need your help to locate Federation leaders: - Twiki and I are at your service: - Colonel Deering, if you'll make arrangements: : : For an honor guard for this evening's proceedings: Yes: Sir: - [Sighs.]
And, Buck - I'll be there: Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'd better go change: [Disco.]
Please hold still, Twiki: You're loosening my circuitry: [Chirping.]
Killjoy: [Continues.]
[Continues.]
[Final Fanfare.]
[Ends.]
For the food, for the entertainment: : : And the for the hospitality, I thank you: As you know, we possess a weapon: : : Which is capable of destroying not only New Chicago, but each and every city on the planet Earth: Of course, being a merciful and civilized culture, we have no intention of doing so: : : If you fulfill one simple request: Very shortly, I will succeed my father to the throne of Draconia: And according to our laws, within a year of doing so, I must wed the most physically and genetically sound human male available: : : Or lose my throne to a successor: Well, I have found just such a man: : : Right here on Earth: And unless you turn him over to me for the wedding ceremony, our pyramid weapon: : : Will destroy the Earth city: : : By city by city: That man, of course, is Captain Buck Rogers: If I were your mother I'd be admonishing you for not taking two trips: Yeah: Well, you're not my mother: For one thing, my mother never had a key to my apartment: Well, I happened to run into a maintenance drone in the corridor: Seems like I'm not the first person he's let in here: Yeah: Well, you know how maintenance drones exaggerate: - What is all this stuff anyway? - Oh, just some stuff I scarfed from Dr: Junius at the archives camping equipment mostly: I talked to Dr: Huer: The Federation has no intention of sacrificing you to the Draconians: For the time being, anyway, huh? And Dr: Theopolis has a plan for destroying the weapon: I'm going to sneak aboard the mother ship and try to locate the weapon's control: That ship is two miles wide: Without a blueprint, you don't stand a chance of finding that control center in time: No: The Federation won't let you go: - Uh, are you going away? - Yep: I've never seen you run away from anything before: Well, you told me Dr: Huer and Dr: Theopolis have everything under control, so if Ardala wants me, she's gonna have to come find me: I don't believe you, Buck: We've been through too much together: And you've risked your life too many times for me to believe that: : : You're running away from anything now: Whatever you have in mind: : : Please: : : Be careful: [Whispering, Indistinct.]
Where is Buck Rogers? He chose to decline your invitation, Princess: It was hardly an invitation, Doctor: Oh, my dear Princess, you must understand that: : : Buck is from a different time: His attitudes are annoyingly old-fashioned: He's very stubborn and terribly independent: As a matter of fact, I think he'd make you a very bad spouse, Princess: Now, on the other hand, these two gentlemen have heard about your request: And they have volunteered to take Buck's place: And they have done so, I might add, eagerly: I want Buck Rogers! I don't want psychological profiles:! I don't want personal opinions: And I certainly don't want some drooling by-product: : : Of a Terran hormone experiment! - I want what I came for: - As spokesman for the Earth's Federation Council, I submit that we're not going to give you Buck Rogers: Then, within one hour, you will suffer the consequences: [Federation Members Murmuring.]
[Murmuring Continues.]
Thank you, Twiki: [Chirping.]
Oh, and thanks for helping me overhaul that old motorcycle: I'll let you know how it handles over long distances: Come on: I'll walk you as far as the transport tubes: - Well, come on: I got to get going: - [Chirping.]
You're not really running, are you, Buck? No, I'm not: I can't tell you what I'm doing: Don't ask me why I can't: - Then, I'm goin' too: - That's out of the question: Twiki, I didn't I didn't pack any spare transistors: And Lord knows what you use for a toothbrush: Come on: Come on: I'm wastin' time: All right: I'll leave you in here: It's gonna get awfully lonely in here: Suit yourself: - All right: Come on: - [Chirping.]
Yippee! [Chirping.]
Far out! - Why are we stopping? - I think we're running low on fuel: Yeah, we need a fill-up: - Unleaded: There we go: - [Sizzling.]
- If only OPEC could see me now: - [Chirping.]
- Where are we going, Buck? - You'll find out when we get there: Whatever you say: [Humming.]
Marvelous: Every cubic centimeter: : : Of New Chicago lies at my fingertips: I can destroy it all at once or piece by piece: And if the Terrans turn over Buck Rogers, how are you going to explain your act of mercy to your father? Once Buck Rogers is in my possession, and we have reentered Draconian space, we can always send the weapon back to Earth, and then act out my father's missions: And once Rogers is within the empire, he need never know Earth has been destroyed: Very good, Kane: I'm surprised at you: Did you think of that possibility yourself? [High-pitched Humming.]
[Panicked Cries.]
[Alarm Beeping.]
[Explosions Reverberating.]
Are you all right? A little shaken, but I'm fine, Dr: Huer: I'm afraid that was another hit inside the city: [Twittering.]
The pyramid has de-energized: [Sighs.]
Thank heaven: That's right, Kane: I did no real damage: I changed my mind: Let's see if the Terrans have changed theirs: [Alarm Buzzing.]
[Ardala.]
Next time, Dr: Huer, the damage will not be confined to the unoccupied levels of the Directorate Building: Unless Buck Rogers is delivered to me within two hours, the weapon will destroy all of New Chicago: This can only mean that the Federation leaders have failed to come up with a plan: : : To thwart Ardala's weapon: - You'll have to see them: - And I think I know: : : What they're going to tell me: [Chirping.]
Nice place for a picnic: Well, that's not what we're here for, Twiki: Garridan! Garridan! Stay close to the bike, Twiki: I'll be right back: [Chirping.]
I should've stayed home: Garridan! Garridan! What's a "Garridan"? Garridan, I came alone! Where are you? I need your help: [Chirping.]
What am I, pickled herring? Well, it looks like we wasted our time: Cheer up: - We can still have our picnic: - [Fierce Yell.]
You lied to me! You brought 'em back! You came to kill me! - [Buck.]
Garridan, stop it:! - You You came to kill me! You're like all the rest! Garridan, I came alone! Now, stop it! Garridan, I came alone! I promised I'd never tell anyone where you're at: And I kept my word! Don't you remember? You came to me: You were tired of the fighting, tired of the Draconian slaughter: You asked me to help you: Don't you remember? Yeah: You found me supplies, and you found me shelter: You came alone? Yes! Why? I need your help: Stop, right up in here: You were an engineer on a Draconian starship: You know their layout by heart: Garridan, I need that knowledge! [Stammers.]
It's so long ago, I don't remember: Try! - Please, Garridan! Try! - [Garridan.]
I can't remember: - I don't want to remember! - The Draconians! Deploy yourselves at once! Garridan, please: Just try to Run! I'll draw their fire: Fire! - How'd you find me? - I planted a tracer on Twiki: He didn't know about it: Buck, I'm afraid you're going to have to come back with us: - We have no choice: - You'll get no argument from me, Doc: - I don't understand: - Garridan, I'm sorry: I didn't know they'd follow me to you: - You know this person? - His name's Garridan: He was chief engineer on the Draconia: - Why should I help? - Because, if you don't, the fighting and killing you ran away from will continue and get worse: What do you want me to do? [Instruments Beeping.]
Dr: Huer, I know how you found us, but, uh, what were the Draconians doing out there? They homed in on the same tracer we did: Course they had no idea Garridan was out there: And they won't: Not as long as we keep those guards under detention: [Beeping Continues.]
There we are: It's the basic engineering design of a Draconian starship: Unfortunately, their pyramidal weapon is so new, we can't be sure of the location of the control room: But if we were to analyze the power flow charts, Doctor, we should be able to come up with three or four possible locations: Dr: Huer, there's no time for that: I must remind you that Princess Ardala is expecting Buck: : : To arrive in her chambers within the hour: Well, Dr: Huer, will you be kind enough to prepare a shuttle for me? After all, we don't want to keep the princess waiting, do we? Good evening, Princess: Hello, Captain Rogers: It's good to see you again: You're looking Well, what can I say? Thank you: I'll take that as a compliment: - I assume you've had a pleasant journey: - Very: Well, you couldn't have been more punctual: Kane, inform the Royal Council and the witnesses: : : That phase one has begun, and leave us now: You too, Tigerman: I couldn't be in safer hands: You never did have him leashed, did you? Humorous as always: Mmm, this is lovely! You've had it redecorated since I was here last: It's perfect for: : : First-phase stipulations: "Stipulations"? Yes: Contractual requirements: Sounds very romantic: Well, for Draconian royalty, the act of formal union marriage in the Terran vernacular consists of three parts: Of which, phase one is the first part, I assume: And the most enjoyable: We drink, talk, dance: : : And get to know each other much, much better: In the days of antiquity, we called that "dating:" "Dating"? It's an old Earth courtship ritual: Boy meets girl, boy asks girl out, they go to dinner, a movie, dancing: And then? And then later back to her place: Turn the lights down kind of low, Mm-hmm: Put a little music on the stereo, audio-visual entertainment center, break open a little wine, snuggle up [Chuckles.]
Tribal courtship rituals can be fascinating: Tell me: Just out of curiosity, what, uh What happens in Phases two and three? In the second phase, you prove your worthiness for me: : : By competing in the arena with Tigerman: Mmm: Fascinating: I'm not surprised that a man of your courage would feel that way, Buck: Of course, if you win tomorrow, the third phase will take place at noon: The great event itself the wedding ceremony: At which point, you will be given this: Princess, I'm touched: So I see, Captain: And you'll be happy to learn: : : That once it's fastened around your neck, it cannot be removed: As a symbol of my eternal devotion: Eternal: As your loyal and loving husband? Very loyal and very loving: You idiot! I told you I didn't want to be disturbed! What are you doing? Since they've brought it, have them bring it in:! Do you think disturbing me twice is better than once? For safekeeping: [Beep.]
[Case Buzzes Shut.]
Sorry about the interruption, Buck: Mmm: Shouldn't we: : : Share this with Tigerman? After all, he's gonna need all the strength he can get tomorrow: You're going to need all your strength tonight: Hmm: Delicious: Antaraen brandy: To wedded bliss: To the most genetically sound and physically attractive: : : Human male in the universe: Tell me: That necklace, does it serve any other function aside from symbolic? Well, let's say it's a gentle reminder of the eternal devotion you spoke of: If you should do anything that displeases me, an electronic signal will cause the band to shrink, tighten, constrict: : : To half its diameter around your neck: Well, let's see, I wear a 16 collar: That would make it about an eight, wouldn't it? Specifically, Captain, it would make you dead within one-tenth of a second: [Chuckles.]
Let's eat: I'm starving: Buck should've arrived on the mother ship an hour ago: He should already be in Ardala's: : : Chambers by now: Unless, of course, the Draconian scanning devices detected the transmitter: : : And weaponry we hid on his person: Well, I was just trying to explore all the alternatives: Yes, of course: I know: - I know: - [Chirping.]
Buck'll be okay: I hope so: God only knows what he's going through right now: Do you feel What? As good as I do? Better: There's just one thing that bothers me though: Oh, don't let anything bother you, Buck: Well, yeah, but, uh, you know, when I become your husband and, uh, you succeed to your father's throne Yes? Well, it's just that that kind of authority is: : : Pretty scary, you know: I just hope I can live up to what you feel a Draconian monarch should be: Well, you just let me rule the kingdom: All you have to do is what you're doing right now: [Clicks.]
[Swoons.]
Thanks, I will: Night-night: [Footsteps.]
[Twittering.]
[Buck.]
Colonel: Dr: Huer, Buck's activated his subcutaneous transmitter: Buck? Ow! Can you hear me? Not so loud, Doc: This transmitter's implanted a little too close for comfort: - Buck, are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine: Security didn't catch the transmitter or the black light bomb in my ring: Very well: Now, according to our calculations, the control room is on Level Five, Sector 12: [Inhales Deeply, Purrs.]
Oh, Buck? Kane: I want an armed detail sent to my chambers immediately: - Dr: Huer? - [Twittering.]
- [Buck.]
I think I've hit pay dirt: - Weapons control? Right: Now, listen: Get on the ball back there, will ya? I need to know the shortest route to one of the hangar bays: [Footsteps.]
Hold it, Rogers! [Twittering.]
[Grunting, Yelling.]
[Sighs.]
You're a stubborn man, Rogers: Maybe that's what the princess sees in you: They told me they found you on Level Five, Buck: You didn't try to get to one of the hangar bays, did you? Not at all: I was simply taking a walk to clear my head all that brandy, you know? Hmph: And to think that for a moment I believed you really wanted to be with me: The arena is ready: Captain Rogers isn't: Tell him what's expected of him: Using the weapons within the arena, you and Tigerman will do battle: [Inhaling, Exhaling Forcefully.]
You see, however symbolically, Buck, I must be won in order to be wed: - I've seen you fight: You use your brains, - [Growling.]
Whereas Tigerman barely knows where his are: Of course, it is a fight to the death: If you lose, you die: [Tigerman Growling.]
Kane, inform the witnesses we may begin: Captain Rogers is ready now: [Growling Continues.]
[Chuckles.]
[Laughs, Bellows.]
[Groans.]
[Chuckles.]
[Fierce Yells.]
[Tigerman Yells, Groans.]
[Groans.]
[Tigerman Yelling.]
[Pained Groan.]
[Groaning.]
[Panting.]
I'm not gonna kill him! [Grunting, Growling.]
[Growling.]
[Groaning.]
[Pained Growls.]
I will not kill him! Well, it's obvious from Tigerman's condition that Captain Rogers is the winner: According to the law, Princess, there is no winner until one of them lies dead: But it's the spirit of the law that must be obeyed, not the letter: Isn't that right, Kane? I'm glad you agree: Since there are no objections, the wedding ceremony will go on as planned: [Whirring.]
Dr: Huer, data from the Communications Directorate: : : Indicates the weapon is leaving Earth orbit: Well, for what it's worth, they seem to be keeping their word: It might interest you to know: : : The pyramid is in defensive orbit of this ship rather than Earth: - You see, we do keep our word: - How's it feel, Kane? Having been Draco's right-hand man for all these years: : : And then seeing not only the Draconian throne: : : But Ardala herself given to another man, hmm? Why don't you use that weapon against Draco? It's his empire you want, not the Earth: I'll simply wait for the inevitable, Captain Rogers your execution: [Buttons Beeping.]
Let us begin: - You look marvelous, Buck: - Thank you: So do you: Kane? As minister of my father's extraplanetary affairs, Kane will conduct the ceremony: Those who are about to be joined, prepare yourselves: At least the Draconians did not discover Buck's transmitter implant: He's stationary in Ardala's chamber: [Takes Deep Breath.]
That must mean the ceremony's underway: We shall commence with the sacred ritual of phase three: - Talk about shotgun weddings: - [Kane.]
Having been singled out: : : By the Royal Council of Draconia: : : And having proved your worthiness in battle, you will bejoined with Princess Ardala: : : Forever: [Onlookers Gasping.]
[Commotion Subsides.]
After him! - He's moving! - [Twittering.]
[Chirping.]
Attaboy, Buck! [Man On P: A:.]
Intruder alert in Sector "G: '" [Alarm Beeping.]
All security personnel turbolift six, seven and nine: Doc: Wilma: Can you hear me? Yes! Perfectly, Buck: Are you all right? I'll let you know in a minute: Intercept unauthorized personnel immediately:! Yahoo! He's gonna make it! Ooh! [Laughing.]
[Chuckling.]
Oh: Security Team Seven, block off all access portals at once: After him! Repeat intruder alert in Sector "G: '" - [Klaxon Buzzing.]
- [Electronic Squeal.]
[Tone Sounds.]
- [Twittering.]
- [Power Humming.]
[Sighs.]
All right, gang: I'm in the control center: [Chirping.]
Yippee! All right: Power's building up, Theo: How about some advice, huh? What you're trying to do, Buck, is to build up a maximum charge: : : - And give it nowhere to go: - [High-pitched Whirring.]
[Klaxon Buzzing.]
He's in there! Open it! Fire! [High-pitched Whining.]
He's destroying the weapon! Do something! - All right, Doc: I'm gettin' a power feedback now: - Buck, get out of there: Bring him here! I said, bring him here: What are you waiting for? Look at me when I speak to you! I have given you a direct order, and I wish to be obeyed! Pick up Captain Rogers, and take him back to my chambers immediately: : : Or I will have you executed! [Ardala Gasps.]
What are you doing? - [Tigerman Grunts.]
- [Ardala Grunts.]
It seems he intends to kill you unless you let them go: After all, he does owe Buck Rogers his life: Why, you pigheaded monster! [Growls.]
It would appear, Princess, it's either you or them: What is your wish? Let us go, Princess: There'll be another time, another place, - won't there? - [Ardala.]
All right, Buck: No: Captain Rogers is correct: There will be another time: Tigerman? I owed you a life: We are now: : : Even: What is he doing? Well, thanks to Dr: Junius and the archives, he's listening to a tape of Meat Loaf: Don't ask: [Dr: Theopolis.]
Buck, you do realize, had it not been a question of hundreds of thousands of lives, we would never have betrayed you like we did: Now, look, I invited you all here to show you there are no hard feelings: The pyramid is gone: Ardala and Kane are gone: I'm here, and I'm single: [Chuckles.]
And I'm gonna introduce you all to some good, old-fashioned split-pea soup: Well, it's not really peas, it's a soybean derivative, but it's the same principle: Now, who'd like the first taste? [Both Laughing.]
No, l I don't think that would work: - What do you think, Doctor? - You know, Twiki does have tactile sensors of a sort: While his system is incapable of anything like digestion, it's not beyond his abilities to: : : Taste: - [Sighs.]
- [Chirping.]
No way, Jose: