Buck Rogers in the 25th Century s01e13 Episode Script

Cruise Ship to the Stars

The prospect of meeting the perfect woman is fascinating: Genetically speaking, Miss Cosmos is the perfect example: : : Of the female human in this quadrant: [Narrator.]
Buck finds danger and romance on a "Cruise Ship to the Stars': : And meets a beautiful and deadly woman with two faces: Whoever wants Miss Cosmos will stop at nothing to get her: They can freeze her body tissue and sell it on the black market across the universe: Hello, Buck Rogers: [Man Narrating.]
The year is 1987, and NASA launches the last of America's deep space probes: In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William "Buck'"Rogers, are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life-support systems: : : And returns Buck Rogers to Earth: : : You called me, and I came immediately, Miss Cosmos: - Your message sounded urgent: - Thank you, Captain: I realize that being so far from my home planet creates its own anxieties, but since I've been aboard your cruiser, the Lyran Queen, I sense that someone has been watching me: Well, that's very regrettable, Miss Cosmos: But this is, after all, simply a leisure ship: We have no special safeguards for our passengers, no matter how valuable they may be: I just wanted you to know my concern: Uh, your quarters, you find them comfortable? More forest scent, perhaps? Everything's fine, Captain: I'm enjoying the cruise immensely: And we enjoy having you on the cruise, Miss Cosmos: It isn't often we have a passenger who's so Promotable? You'll be sitting at my table for dinner: - Thank you: - Now, if you'll excuse me, - I'll see you at 1800 hours: - Captain: - [Gasps.]
- [Man Shouting.]
Deploy a security unit to the stateroom area at once! [Gasps.]
[Buck.]
All right, Wilma: I'll see your Well, it's a very unusual game: [Chuckles.]
Where did you get these Cards: Twiki made 'em for me: I thought you'd enjoy it: Well, I think that I'll, uh, spindle? - Fold: - Fold: Well, Wilma, how about you? I could be here another 500 years at this rate: - Fold: - All right: Well, that leaves old lucky Buck with: : : Three count 'em three nines: We all know what that means, right? [Chirping.]
- Not so fast, bub: - What do you got, Twiki? Five pictorial units of the same subset, presented sequentially: - A royal flush: - [Laughing.]
[Laughing.]
Come to Papa: - It's like losing to a typewriter: - Watch it, bub: Well, how about something to eat? Nice idea: Yeah: Tell me, Dr: Huer, what was all the commotion this afternoon at the Comm Center? Something about a Lyran Queen? Oh, yes: The, uh, luxury liner, the Lyran Queen, took off from here two days ago: : : With a highly publicized passenger aboard, Miss Cosmos: Miss Cosmos? A beauty pageant winner? Don't tell me you people still go in that sort of thing: Beauty contests are much more sophisticated than they used to be: It's what's inside that counts: Literally: Hmm: Oh, yes, indeed: Genetically speaking, Miss Cosmos is closer than anyone: : : To the perfect example of the female human in this quadrant: Well, what do Miss Cosmos and the Lyran Queen: : : Have to do with your job, Dr: Huer? Oh, well, someone tried to rob or kidnap her yesterday: A woman, actually, with extraordinary powers: We haven't as yet been able to establish a positive identification of the suspect, but we believe it to be one of a pair of notorious thieves, which up to now have specialized in inanimate objects of great value: : : But now have turned to - Bodies: - Bodies: Exactly: And in this particular case, a body of staggering genetic value: So, under the circumstances, the stellar authorities have asked for our help: : : Because their agents are too well-known: Huh: Would you like for me to intercept that cruise ship: : : And look after Miss Cosmos for you? Well, that would be very good of you, Buck: I mean, after all, the prospect of meeting the perfect woman is fascinating: Yes, I would think so: Well, you'll be in charge: : : Of general security, of course: The mere fact that you are not one of our agents makes you less suspect: Wilma, I'm gonna need your help: How could I refuse? I warn you: I play a very mean game of shuffleboard: - Huh? - Shuffleboard? Well, another tribal custom bites the dust: [Man On P: A:.]
Will arriving passenger Buck Rogers please report to the bridge immediately? [Whirring.]
The energy from that creature is tremendous: Are you sure this device of yours can stop her? Theo assures me it will: The device'll put out a curtain of coruscating light strong enough to stop a bull elephant: But you must understand, Captain Rogers, that whoever wants Miss Cosmos will stop at nothing to get her: They're after her genes: They can freeze her body tissue: : : And sell it on the black market across the universe at a staggering profit: I can understand your concern, Captain: I'll do everything I can to keep her alive: Now, shall we go in and meet Miss Cosmos? [Doorbell Rings.]
Miss Cosmos, this is Captain Buck Rogers: I'm sure you've seen a vid-story or two on him: He's from the Twentieth century: Of course: A pleasure to meet you, Captain: Buck: The pleasure's mine, Miss Cosmos: Call me Tara: Captain Rogers has volunteered: : : On behalf of the Earth Defense Directorate to see to your safety, Miss Cosmos: Thank you: I'm sure you're in capable hands now: Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a ship to see to: I'll leave you two: : : Alone: Gammon, Marek, why don't you accompany the captain? You did say you wanted a tour of the ship, didn't you? Can I get you something to drink, Buck? No, thanks: It's a little early for me yet: May I? Very nice: Been painting long? Oh, you'll have to excuse me for staring: I've never met a 500-year-old man before: That's all right: I've never met a genetically perfect woman before either: Mmm: Think of the permutations: I'd love to think of the permutations: Maybe later, after we're sure the danger's over: [Door Buzzes.]
Come in: Hi: Ready for lunch? Almost: Jay, what are we gonna do on this huge ship for three weeks? Exactly what we have been doing enjoying ourselves, mixing with the other passengers, meeting new people: You've seen how bad I am at doing that: Alison, this trip wasn't my idea: It was the neuromed's: All she said was I needed a rest: Couldn't I have rested just as well in New Chicago? Oh, Jay, I'm sorry: It's just that I'm always so scared to try new things: Why do you stay with me anyway? Because I love you: Now, I'll meet you up at our table in 10 minutes: We're going to eat, and we're going to have fun: [On P: A:.]
This is your captain speaking: Now that all our passengers are aboard, we're accelerating to light speed: : : For a slow, leisurely cruise to Stargate 1: After leaving the Stargate, we'll enter the Vega system, where we'll make our first stop on Sutter's World, Yes: How do you do? A planet renowned for its fair climate, colorful indigents and remarkable hospitality: [Chirping.]
Wilma's looking real foxy: Hold it right there: You are everything I've ever wanted out of life: And couldn't have: Hold on: Hold on: I'm, uh I'm Gurney Langston, Jr: I'm from the Boston complex: Rhea Durant, New Manhattan: The Durants of Manhattan? This is remarkable! Your family owns Rigel 2: My family owns Rigel 3: We're practically neighbors: Now, look, we must have dinner tonight: Buck, I don't understand what Colonel Deering is up to: [Buck.]
Wilma is setting herself up as a target no self-respecting thief: : Or kidnapper can pass up: Well, Theo, when you put out the honey, you draw as many flies as you do bees sometimes: I wish you would refrain from using such antiquated verbiage, Buck: It makes it so difficult to follow you sometimes: [Chirping.]
Something from the bar, sir? [Chirping.]
Hold the phone: - Nothing for me, thanks: - [Chirping.]
[Chirping.]
[Chirping Continues.]
[Chirping Continues.]
Twiki? Twiki, where are you going? Don't ask: Well, it looks as if Miss Cosmos is packing it in for the day: I'll give her five minutes, then I'll start patrolling the stateroom areas: [Man On P: A:.]
There will be a lecture tonight on the origins of Sutter's World: : : In Observation Room 3 on Level "J: '" [Mechanical Whirring.]
[Grunting.]
Excuse me: Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine: No offense, but you don't look fine: I'm all right, really: I'm very sorry to bother you: That's okay: My name's Buck Rogers: Alison Michaels: Thanks, Buck: Don't mention it: I hope you don't mind my asking, but have you been ill? Well, um, Jay That's my boyfriend: He took me to a neuromed in New Chicago: She found nothing really wrong, just hypertension: She suggested a rest, and that's why I came on this cruise: But it doesn't seem to be working: You'll be fine: Come on: I'll help you back to your cabin: Alison, are you all right? Oh, Jay, it happened again: I went to sleep, and when I woke up, I found myself wandering around: Oh, honey, honey, you've just got to relax: Oh: This is Buck Rogers: He helped me back here: Buck, this is Jalor Davin: - I appreciate your help, Buck: - It's my pleasure: Why don't I have the ship's doctor come by and take a look at you? We've been to the best neuromeds in New Chicago: I doubt a ship's doctor could tell us anything we don't already know: But thanks again, Buck: Sure: Sure: Well, take care of yourself, all right? Maybe we'll see you tonight at the banquet? Yeah: I'll drop by your table: - Bye-bye: - Bye, Buck: I don't like him: You don't like any of my friends: Why do you do this to me? Do what? Treat me like a child, like I can't take care of myself: Alison, you're sick: I'm just trying to look after you: I'm not sick! Yes, you are: You're very sick, Alison: I'm not! I'm not sick! [Laughing.]
[Laughing Continues.]
[Sighs.]
Stupid, weak, sniveling little creature: How do you put up with her? I like part of her: My part, you mean? I take it something happened down in the stateroom area: Somebody installed some kind of energy curtain down there: The closer I got to it, the more it drained my power: L: : : Can't get pass it: I'll take care of it when Miss Cosmos is at dinner: Good: Then, after dinner, I'm going after those Denebian moon crystals: The woman from New Manhattan? That's right: Why do we go through this every time you see a pretty jewel? We're here for Miss Cosmos, Sabrina: I want them: Go after all the Denebian moon crystals you want: : : Another time: Right now, just concentrate on Miss Cosmos: No! We'll do it my way: I want them, and I'm going to get them: All right: Just let me check her out, and we'll see about relieving Miss Rhea Durant: : : Of her walking jewelry collection: [Both Chuckling.]
Dinner's in 20 minutes: I need Alison again: No! Not so soon! Someday you'll take her over completely, but for now I hate her! I hate her: I hate her: I hate her: I hate her: Hurry up, honey: We'll be late for the banquet: [Chattering.]
This is comfortable enough, Twiki, but I think we might have updated it a little more: What do you think? Hmm? [Chirping.]
It's the latest fashion on Klosef 3: - How am I supposed to eat with this thing? - Just point it at the food, Buck, and activate the switch at the base of the fork: A null-gravity fork, the latest word in dining accoutrements: It's great if you like your food on the hoof: Where's your girlfriend, Twiki? I thought you two had a date: - [Chirping.]
She gets off work at 10:00: - What's her name again? Her name is Tina, and I think her interest in Twiki is purely physical: - Physical? - You'd better believe it: - Physical, huh? - [Chirping.]
Okay, Twiki: I'm gonna give you your first assignment: I want you to contact Wilma and tell her to meet me in my cabin at 2200 hours: All right? [Chirping.]
No problem, Buck: Hiya, Twiki: Hiya, babe: [Both Chirping.]
Tina, this is Buck: Pleased to meet you: Charmed, I'm sure: Are you hot to trot? Ready when you are: Twiki, are you actually going down to the dance chamber? [Chirping.]
Right after I see Wilma: [Both Chirping.]
Now I've seen everything: Excuse me, Theo: I've got some business to attend to: Why, yes: By all means, Buck: But before you go, would you please turn me Sure: - How's that? - Perfect: My circuitry periodically needs such realigning: Sure, Theo: I hate to say it, but now I don't feel very well: I'm gonna lie down for a while: - You just stay here: - Not by myself: Hello, everybody: Leaving so soon? I seem to have developed a headache: Oh: Do you mind if I keep Alison company why you go take something for it? Fine: Alison, I'll see you back at your cabin: I'll be up as soon as I'm finished: - Please sit down: - Thank you: [Digital Beeping.]
How's everything going? It's none of your concern: You're getting paid to do a job and mind your business: It's my neck if you get caught: All they have to do is make a simple life scan of the ship and they'll find her: All you have to do is make sure everything operates normally: That's what you're being paid for: We're going to install an antispectrometer: Their scanners will be useless: They'll never know anyone was in here: What happens when you leave? You're not gonna be able to simply walk off the ship with Miss Cosmos under your arm: That's exactly what we're going to do: You and Jay seem to have a nice thing going: How long have you known each other? Almost a year: Yeah? How'd you meet? I don't know: How does anybody meet anybody? We met at a bar: I've forgotten exactly where: I've been so many places: But he's very good to me: He's strong: I like that in a man: Are you enjoying the cruise? Honestly? Yeah: No: Uh-uh: Come on: Eat: Eat: That stuff is good for you: Or so they tell me: You're joking: I haven't heard that Alison, are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine: - You were saying? - Oh, my parents died when I was little: My mother used to always tell me to finish my food: I just haven't heard that in a long time: I'm sorry: I didn't mean to say anything to upset you: Oh, no, you didn't: I don't know how we got on it in the first place: She's a very attractive lady, isn't she? Yes: She's absolutely gorgeous: [Man On P: A:.]
The formal dining room will be available for seating after 1830 hours: Repeat, the formal dining room will be available for seating after 1830 hours: Electromag sensor programmed for only a few specific patterns, no doubt: As soon as I recover from whatever it is I have, I'd like to see New Phoenix: Maybe even move there permanently: Alison, I'm really sorry, but I've gotta go: I just remembered something: That's okay: - Maybe we can talk again sometime: - Sure: Sure: [Man On P: A:.]
Pleasejoin us for cocktails in the Astro Lounge, located on "F'"Deck: Pleasejoin us for cocktails in the Astro Lounge, located on "F'"Deck: Here we go: [Static.]
Hold it, fella:! What's your security code? What do you think you're doing? [Grunting.]
And you still have no idea who's responsible for the attempts on the beauty queen? No, but I think your pair of super thieves are involved: - How do you mean? - The captain told me: : : Of an encounter with a superstrong woman: : : Having psychokinetic powers: I think we're gonna have to come up with some heavy-duty defenses against her: What did you have in mind? Just to be on the safe side, I'd like you to send me a few sonic pistols on the next cargo run, and some earplugs: I'll send them up as soon as possible: You know, Buck, I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you're doing: I realize that it must be difficult, you know, working so hard when others all around you are enjoying themselves: Well, if living my life vicariously through Twiki counts, I'm enjoying myself: - Twiki? - Yeah, you remember him? The little silver guy? I'm afraid he's developed a very active libido: That sounds like I should have a talk with his programmers: That's not a bad idea: I'm afraid it's a little too late for that: If I were you, I'd prepare for the patter of little metal feet: - The what? I beg your pardon? - Never mind: I'd better sign off: If I come up with anything, I'll get back to you: Rogers out: "Little metal feet"? [Disco.]
[People Chattering, Laughing.]
[Chirping.]
What a good dancer you are, Twiki: [Chirping.]
Buck taught me all I know: They call this one the bump: [Chirping.]
Uh-oh: I've never seen a dance like that before, Twiki: I'll take those jewels you're wearing, if you don't mind: Actually, I do: Denebian moon crystals: For an impostor, you have very good taste: You see, to become good at this, which I have, one must always be sure of one's intended victim: There's a Rhea Durant in New Manhattan, all right, but she's very reclusive: She's also: : : 82 years old: [Laughing.]
[Man On P: A:.]
Make your reservations now for the sightseeing shuttle: : : With your ambu-quad relations director: Wilma! The Denebian crystals your attacker stole: : : Have a highly distinctive molecular structure: Buck's monitor should be able to pinpoint their location: : : And, therefore, the location of our unusual thief: Except I'm not getting any reading on this thing: Let me see: [Whirring.]
Oh, dear: This is unfortunate: There seems to be some interference, something jamming the signals: Could it have something to do with the woman herself? She was physically powerful, and she was able to fire those blasts of energy: Which probably means she's some kind of mutant, in which case she'd have to give off a tremendous energy field: Strong enough to block our tracer: That, unfortunately, seems all too likely, Buck: Wilma, if that woman is a mutant, who's to say she doesn't carry some kind of protective coloring, like a chameleon? If that's true, if she can become anyone she wants to, how are we gonna find her? No, no, no, no, no: Wait a minute: Suppose instead of being one person, she's two? - Buck, that doesn't make sense: - I think it will later: There's someone I wanna do some more checking on: Hiya, Twiki: [Chirping.]
Buck: [Chirping Continues.]
Hi, guys: What's the matter, Twiki? It's only 0300 hours: I'm bushed: Just a minute, Twiki: If you think you're going to retire for the evening: : : Without hearing from me, you are quite incorrect: Your behavior ever since you set foot on this ship has been abominable: Twiki? Twiki? Twiki? Twiki:! [On P: A:.]
This is your captain speaking: It's 0900 hours: Breakfast is now being served on the observation deck, where you'll be treated to a spectacular view of William's Comet: Something you won't want to miss: [Doorbell Rings.]
[Alison.]
Yes? It's me, Buck Rogers: Come in: Hi: You're not going to breakfast? No: But I'm glad you dropped by: I don't know who else to turn to: - I think I'm going insane: - No: Now, I doubt that: No: I am: I used to just get tired and have these dizzy spells, but now: : : I'm having nightmares with my eyes open! And it's like I'm hurting people! Buck, I have never wanted to hurt anybody in my life, and maybe that's why people have wanted to take advantage of me! - But I'm scared: - Tell me about these nightmares: - I don't want to think about it: - Please try: - No: - Okay: All right: Take it easy: Come on over here: Come over here and sit down: All right? [Sniffling.]
Now, I think I may know what's wrong with you: I'd like to try to help: You promise me you'll stay right here, let me go get a friend of mine? A doctor? Well, sort of: Trust me: All right: [Door Opens.]
No! No! Please! No doctor for me, Buck Rogers: Hello, Buck Rogers: My name is Sabrina: I wouldn't if I were you, Captain: Now, Buck, if you'll take care of the light curtain, we'll get on with this: And do it quietly: Miss Cosmos chose to dine inside her room this morning: Forget it, Sabrina: I suggest you think about the welfare of your friend: What friend? The brunette with the fancy jewelry: The one who tried to trap me: The one I nearly killed last night: I don't know what you're talking about: Fine: Then I guess you won't mind when they find Rhea Durant dead later today: Kill her: Wait! All right: [Whirring.]
If anything happens to me, you first, and then your friend will die: - Thanks, Buck: - Don't mention it: Let's get her: This is what you people were supposed to prevent: Miss Cosmos is gone! Issue an order that no vessel is to leave the hangar bay area until it's thoroughly searched: But there are shuttle vessels arriving every day: So, all of them will undergo a mandatory life-form scan before leaving: That will make the pilots suspicious: They'll ask questions, spread rumors: Captain, will you stop worrying about bad publicity? This woman's in grave danger: [Sighs.]
Yes, of course: Let me go: Where am I? Where's Buck? Call for him: He won't come: - Sweet dreams: - [Man.]
What's gonna happen when it's over? Not a drop of precious blood will be spilled: Microtomic lasers are neat and tidy: The antispectrometer Put it over there, just by the door: - I know where it goes: - [Man.]
What is that thing? [Jay.]
Something that will fool any scanner they might use to try and find her: - Let's get on with it: - [Whirring.]
That's all we can do for now: The laser will draw power from the ship very slowly: : : So that the monitors will not detect: When it peaks, the laser will be in full effect: Its blade will start dissecting her quite automatically: Sleep well, dear: We have a big day tomorrow: [Both Chuckling.]
[Whirring Continues.]
You'll have the other half of my payment tomorrow morning? I told you: When we leave: I want it sooner! I don't want to be around All right: Fine: We'll pay you tomorrow morning: Then you can leave: Okay: We'll have to kill him too: Come on: What's wrong? [Groans.]
No! Go away! Oh, no, not now: Leave me alone! I wanna stay! [Groans.]
Oh, Alison: Alison, I've been looking all over for you: You poor thing: You're ill: That's all: Yes, I am: I'm sick, and I need help: I want help, and I'm not getting it on board this ship! We dock at Sutter's World in three days: We can catch a cruiser back to Earth from there: No! I'm going to New Chicago tomorrow, with you or without you, Jay: Whatever it is that happens to me, I'm no longer gonna let it run my life! [Theo.]
What you are suggesting, Buck, is that Alison Michaels is a transmute a split personality with the genetic ability to transform itself in times of stress: : : Into one of two or more separate entities: All we have is a theory: We can't act without evidence: - Then what we have to do is capture her as Sabrina: - Oh: Yeah: Dr: Theopolis, the light curtain in the stateroom, can it be intensified? Why, yes: Easily: [Chirping.]
Mail call: Ah: Thank you, Twiki: What is that? This just came through the shuttle bay: Sonic pistols, plus earplugs to protect the persons using them: Now, I'm gonna tell you how we're gonna beat Sabrina and bring Alison to her senses: [Disco.]
[People Chattering, Laughing.]
[Continues.]
You mind if I cut in? My, is that a promise or a threat? Take your choice: Oh, yeah? Hmm: Listen, I just checked: They have a policy: : : Against letting passengers leave the ship except at authorized stops: I'm sure they make exceptions for medical emergencies: You don't really want to make a scene, do you? I want to get well! Let's go: Hi, Alison: Hello, Buck: - Mind if we join you? - As a matter of fact Please do: Tina, drinks for everybody, on me: Right away, Buck: Well, nothing like a little chat among friends, is there? Depends on the subject: Let's try the past: Yours, specifically: I made some inquiries today: I found out about your conviction for selling stolen property: - Come on, Alison: Let's get out of here: - No, I want to hear this: Your boyfriend's just using you, Alison: He doesn't care anything about you, only what you can steal for him: : : Through someone you become: The blackouts? I turn into someone terrible, don't I, Jay? Someone cruel: Someone who steals for you: Alison, don't get yourself excited: Why? Are you afraid of her? Maybe I ought to let her show you what I think of you: Would you like that? Would you? Yes, Jay: Let me show you: Let me show all of you: [People Shouting.]
[Woman Gasps.]
Little Alison was right about one thing: She doesn't need you: - She doesn't need anybody: - [People Chattering.]
All right: Let's get to our posts: [High-pitched Whirring.]
[Chirping.]
Far out! [High-pitched Whirring.]
[High-pitched Whirring.]
[High-pitched Whirring.]
[High-pitched Whirring.]
- [High-pitched Whirring.]
- [Whirring Continues.]
[Whirring.]
No! No! Please: I don't want to go back: Don't make me: I won't go: [Groans.]
[Whirring Intensifies.]
[Groans.]
[Groaning.]
- Alison? Alison, can you hear me? - [Groaning Continues.]
Alison! - Are you all right? - I think so: Good: Can you tell me where Miss Cosmos is? Can you remember where Miss Cosmos is? I can't: Alison, try: She's in the disposal room on Level "B:" Take good care of her, Wilma: [Three Tones.]
Oh, help me:! [Whimpers.]
[Sobbing.]
That was a little close for comfort, Tara: Oh, Buck! [Dr: Huer On Speaker.]
Alison Michaels just checked into the Directorate Clinic for psych scans, but all preliminary reports indicate she'll be just fine: Just a modicum of therapy and all of Sabrina's powers should be gone forever: And by the way, Alison says thank you, Buck: Tell her it was my pleasure: Is there any word on Jalor Davin and his accomplice from the ship? [Dr: Huer.]
Oh, yes: They were picked up by Directorate Police: How's Miss Cosmos after her ordeal? Quite all right, Dr: Huer: That's good: I'm glad to hear it: I owe Buck my life: I'll never be able to repay him: Oh, we'll work something out: [Chuckling.]
Well, Buck, I imagine you and Colonel Deering: : : Should be anxious to get back to Earth: Oh, yeah: Right: Right: You bet: I'd like you to catch the next shuttle back: Uh, what was that, Dr: Huer? [Static.]
- [Dr: Huer.]
I said - Dr: Huer, there's an awful lot of subspace static today: - You're gonna have to speak up: - Buck? Colonel Deering? Come in, Dr: Huer: Dr: Huer, can you hear me? - Can you hear me? - [Static Continues.]
I guess not: Now, how about dinner? [Chirping.]
Now we can get it on: [All Laughing.]

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