Call Me Kat (2021) s01e10 Episode Script

Business Council

1 (WHISPERING): Oh, hey.
I'm whispering because I'm in the local business council meeting.
It's where local business owners meet to discuss and vote on issues that affect our businesses and the surrounding neighborhood.
Sometimes we get a little bogged down in the minutiae.
Before we get into the docket, everybody owes me 75 cents for the sweet tea.
Uh, uh, point of order.
Uh, what if we brought a travel mug from home? Do we get a discount? Quiet.
I have not opened the floor.
Floors don't open.
Neither should your mouth.
The best thing about these meetings is it's made me and Carter much closer friends.
Now we have our own special thing.
Moving on, citing declining sales, Wayne Regan has closed his novelty joke shop and resigned from the business council.
His store was called Joke's On You.
But I guess the joke was on Wayne.
That was pretty funny.
Marlene surprised me with that one.
Yeah, I'm not laughing.
I love that place.
It's where I got these.
Do we have any nominations to fill Wayne's spot? I nominate Kat Silver.
- What? Me? - Yeah.
Come on.
It's time we got somebody cool up there.
Well, then, I'll do it.
(CHUCKLES) Maybe take those glasses off.
Oh, right.
Anybody else? Maybe someone who owns a salon and can touch up these roots? Mm-hmm! Looking at you, Ron.
No? No? Okay.
Well, then, it's, uh, it's official.
Kat Silver is the newest member of the business council.
And I know you will treat the position with the gravity and respect it deserves.
You bet I will.
(SQUEALS, LAUGHS) - (CHANTS): Speech, speech.
- (CHUCKLES) I just want y'all to know, that even though I'm on the local business council, there is no need to be intimidated.
I'm the same approachable me I've always been.
Okay, good, because you have something in your teeth.
- Oh, which one? - To the left no, down.
M-My left.
It jumped a tooth.
- Good evening, Councilwoman.
- Mm.
Good evening, local business owner.
I'm happy to inform you I have done the research on your proposition to extend your business hours.
Then you know we the only street within a ten-block radius that has an 11:00 p.
curfew for bars.
I mean, what is this, the Prohibition? Like, "Extra! Extra! No drinking, no dancing, "no fun, get your paper five cents polio, - tuberculosis.
" - How do I make it stop? Y-You can't.
You just have to let it wash over you.
I'm just saying you've got my yea vote for item 1-A.
Hopefully that'll counteract Mean Marlene's nay.
'Cause she already said nothing good happens after 11:00.
Sounds like nothing good happens to Marlene after 11:00.
- Oh-ho! - (WHOOPS) Well, I got your back, Carter.
And your front.
And your top and your bottom.
Not that bottom.
Got your insides, got your outsides.
(GROANS) Hello, everybody.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I've been decluttering to make room for Preston's things.
Ooh! My boyfriend's moving in.
I've never cohabitated outside of marriage.
- I feel naughty.
- Oh, you shouldn't feel naughty, just concerned you're gonna go to hell.
No, Sheila, I'm teasing.
I did it for 30 years.
Oh, I am so proud of my girl.
I brought you Grandma's pearls.
Because you know what they say.
"Girls who wear pearls " "Contribute to the overfishing of the oyster population of the Atlantic Coast"? - (LAUGHS) - Ugh.
Girls who wear pearls rule the world.
Right, Randi? Yeah, okay.
Oh, look what I found.
- Your old tap shoes.
- (LAUGHS): Oh.
Katharine was quite the tapper.
She could have gone all the way.
Well, not sure what "all the way" is in the tap world.
Unless you get in the touring company of Anything Goes, there's literally nowhere to go.
Oh, Max, is there any chance you and your muscles would be free to help me move some furniture into the basement this weekend? You might be able to find some nice stuff for your apartment.
Uh, definitely.
Yeah, I could use a TV stand.
And a TV.
And a couple of bedside tables.
Can you tell I hate to shop? (SHEILA CHUCKLES) Oh, no.
What's wrong, sugar? I meant you, Randi, not the actual sugar.
But how are you, sugar? Now back to you, Randi.
Daniel was supposed to be my model for a photography project at school, but now he has to leave town for work.
Damn, I wish I wasn't dating a man who has a job.
Ooh, wait, I didn't mean it.
I take that back, Lord.
You could ask Max to pose for you.
He should be a model anyway.
The theme of the project is modern masculinity.
Daniel is the first Black partner at his law firm, and Max is just a hot, white bartender.
I see your point.
I'd still do him, but I see your point.
I'll tell you who else should be a model.
This cake pop.
Where you going with those pretty little sprinkles on you? Paris and Milan? Well, smell you.
Phil, do you think you could pose for me? I think I can work with this.
Are you sure? I've been called a lot of things, but "masculine" and "modern" do not rate high on that list.
So, it's official.
The signs will be called speed humps and not speed bumps.
Okay, next up, extended hours at the Middle C.
Cook, please address the council.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
You know, owning a piano bar, people always ask me, "Do you play the piano? Do you sing?" I say, "I do not.
" - (KAT CHUCKLES) - In fact, my Sunday school choir teacher told me that there were plenty of other ways that I could honor the Lord.
(KAT CHUCKLES) But the thing is, I've always loved music, and I love being a positive part of the community.
And a few more hours of positivity could really benefit the neighborhood.
And my kid's teeth.
He needs braces.
Like, bad.
The boy look like a possum.
Thank you.
Oh, no, no, no.
No clapping.
Just eats up time.
All right.
We will now hear arguments from some community members.
I'm all for the Middle C being open later.
Get my drink on.
Get my song on.
Go home, get my bongo on.
Then Mom's boyfriend Glenn comes down, yells, "Knock it off!" Then I yell back, "You're not my dad, Glenn!" I live across the street from the Middle C and have a new baby.
(CHUCKLES) The noise makes it really hard to get him to sleep, and if it were to stay open later, I don't know what I would do.
I already feel like my breast pump is taunting me.
The question everyone should be asking: is this neighborhood prepared to handle the negative impact that will occur when a bar stays open late? Each hour a bar stays open past 11:00 p.
, there's a 16% increase in crime.
This includes graffiti, public urination, public urination while spraying graffiti.
I've seen it.
The drunker people are, the more likely they are to just set crap on fire.
Garbage cans, street signs.
Paper toilet seat covers.
That's why there's none ever there when you're in the restroom.
So, please, listen to what we're saying tonight.
Do the right thing to keep our neighborhood safe.
All right.
Time to vote on the Middle C extending their hours of operation.
All those in favor? All those not in favor? Ms.
Silver, you haven't voted.
- Can I abstain? - MARLENE: No.
- Can I go to the bathroom? - MARLENE: No.
- Can I phone a friend? - MARLENE: No.
Yea or nay? And you're the tiebreaker, so make it quick.
'Cause if I don't feed my Yorkie by 7:00, he goes after the paper towels.
Yeah, Kat.
Yea or nay? Nay.
Well, the nays have it.
Now he won't let me in his bar.
But there were so many con arguments and safety concerns.
I saved him a lot of aggravation.
- Don't you agree? - Carter pays me, so I'm gonna have to be Switzerland on this one.
Uh, Switzerland is one of the most highly weaponized countries in the world.
The last canton didn't give women the vote until 1991.
I don't think you want to be Switzerland.
Oh, hey, that's a nice chair.
Yeah, it was my dad's favorite.
Every night, I would sit in his lap, tell him about my day.
How my college classes were going.
Oh, hey, is that a jukebox? No, it's a pizza oven.
(LAUGHS) - Obviously, it's a jukebox.
- Right.
It's actually the original one from Happy Days.
- Really? - No.
It's just a regular jukebox.
Nobody plays it anymore.
You want it? - Absolutely.
- Wait.
I've got a better idea.
I'm gonna give it to Carter.
That's not better for me.
Well, Carter's always talking about how much he has to pay his daytime pianist.
Don't say that word too fast.
So, now he has free music at lunchtime, and people love a jukebox.
Yeah, including me.
But whatever.
Max, I have the most beautiful cashmere coat for you.
Grandpa Silver brought it from Europe.
He asked to be buried in it when he died, but tragically, we couldn't find it.
Where was it? In the closet on a hanger.
- Isn't life funny? - (MAX LAUGHS) That's so nice of you, Sheila.
Of course.
It'll come in handy if you ever get a real job.
You're like family here.
It was so nice of Kat - to let me borrow her pearls.
- Mm-hmm.
You look concerned, which is making me concerned 'cause you're looking at my face.
Oh, I'm sorry, Phil.
It's not you, it's me.
It sounds like we're breaking up.
It's just, I'm not doing great in this class.
My professor says my photographs lack inspiration.
You're usually such a confident critter, Randi.
I'm not used to seeing this side of you.
When I graduated high school, my parents said they would pay for college if I studied anything but art.
So, I didn't go to school until I could pay for it myself.
And now I kind of feel like I'm paying all this money for something I might be just mediocre at.
I think you need a bath.
(SNIFFS) - Stupid crystal deodorant.
I mean an inspiration bath.
Mama used to swear by 'em.
She said the water would wash the worries away and let the good ideas bubble up.
'Course, then she'd put me in the tub with my little brother, Tinker the Stinker, and other things would bubble up.
- - (TAP DANCING) Shoes are a little snug, but we dancers smile through it.
Are you trying to cost me more business by making people think this is a Capezio store? And I only know what that is 'cause I once dated a ballerina for a summer.
Okay, I'll stop.
Once you start a triple-time step, you got to see it through.
I have something for you.
Are you gonna turn back time and vote for me to extend my hours? I can't take back my vote, and I still think that that was the best thing for the neighborhood.
But I do care about you and your business and our friendship, so I have a surprise for you.
It's in the back.
But only because it gets you away from the entrance to my bar.
This is now the fourth thing I've done in my life that I will never talk about.
Doesn't it feel good? To make waves with your feet and squish the water up between your toes? I'm not convinced this is sanitary since I'm also squishing some leftover kitty litter between my toes, but it does feel good after being on my feet all day.
I have always loved the water.
When it was hot out, us kids would go down to the river, take our clothes off, yell "Sun's out, holes out" and jump in.
That's quite an image, Phil.
That's quite an image.
Phil would you consider getting naked for me? Like naked, naked? Like jump-in-the-river naked? Well, you're the one who wanted me to take this inspiration bath, Phil, and that's what bubbled up.
And don't you think it's time the world sees something besides big muscles and ripped abs? Phil, are you ready to show the world your cute potato-bod? I am, I am.
It is right Oh, no! No, no! No, no! Wait! Wait! No! No! No! Wait! That's my truck and that's my (LOUD CRASHING) jukebox! Now it's more of a junk box.
I mean, if you heard a loud crash, why didn't you come and see what was going on? Because I'm one of those weird people that runs away from danger.
My dad's jukebox is busted, I'm not welcome at the piano bar next door.
I guess for me, today is the day the music died.
Well, don't feel too bad.
The music on that jukebox died a long time ago.
Randi, I was so excited because Carter and I were really bonding in those council meetings.
Then he named that sandwich after me.
Carter named a sandwich after you? Yeah, it was a good one, too.
He called it "The Kat Burger.
" Ooh, that sounds nasty.
Ooh, yeah.
Now that I hear it out loud, you're right.
And you should know that Carter only names sandwiches after people when he wants something from them.
And yes, there once was a Randi Reuben that was never ordered, never eaten, because I shut that down real quick.
Are you suggesting that he buttered me up with a vegan sandwich? Thereby rendering it non-vegan? Because that's diabolical.
I mean, I'm not saying that he was being diabolical.
It just sounds like he was trying to work you for your vote, and now he's mad because he couldn't puppet-master you.
Well, wait.
Why didn't he just try to get on the board himself and then vote for himself? Because you can't vote for your own agenda.
Item rule 27-A.
Wow! I did get worked.
New experience, new feelings.
I've never been worked before.
Somehow, I doubt that.
I'm ready, Randi.
Are you naked under there, Phil? Yep, as the day I was born.
It's okay.
It's all in the name of art.
Phil's helping me with my photography class.
Come on, Phil.
I have everything set up out back.
Aren't you gonna be cold outside? Nope.
God blessed me with the lush fur of a snowshoe hare.
What happens in this café when I'm not around? - - Ugh.
Not again.
Kat, what the hell is going on? Well, you won't answer my texts, I don't feel welcome in your bar, but I still have some things I need to tell you.
And you thought this was the best way? Just spit it out.
I think you nominated me just to get my vote.
No, I just thought it would be good to have a friendly voice on the council, somebody who enjoyed my bar who could see my side of things.
Aha! You admit it! I can't believe I was gonna give you my dad's jukebox no strings attached, by the way because that's what real friendship is.
No, what real friendship is, is two people helping each other out.
I think real friendship means respecting the other person if they have a difference of opinion.
Then I guess when it comes to friendship, we just agree to disagree.
Well, I disagree, so I disagree to disagree.
- Then that would mean we agree.
- I disagree! Quit looking out the window at the Middle C.
(SIGHS) I can't help it.
I wish I could be one of those people who, when they get mad at someone, they stay mad.
I'm just not that person.
I miss Carter and the Middle C.
I miss those piano-based '70s sing-alongs.
I mean, where else am I gonna wear my Cher wigs? When I get in an argument, I always say, "You're right, I'm wrong," and get on with it.
I developed that strategy because I'm small and ill-suited for battle.
Or maybe I just need to accept the fact that friends come into your life for a reason or a season.
You know, maybe the season of Carter is over.
Maybe I should look at this as an opportunity.
Maybe I should start up a little friendship with Jack from the used bookstore, see where that takes me.
The guy from the used bookstore's name is "Bobby Ray.
" Then I will initiate the conversation by saying, "Bobby Ray, I'm sorry I've been calling you Jack for a year.
" Hey, y'all.
Look at this.
I made some test prints from our shoot last night, and I may be a genius.
Whoa! Phil, you took off your apron.
Yeah, well, it was a full moon last night, so we decided, "Moon's out, holes out.
" Plus, the apron came in handy when I had to snap away a rat.
You know, Randi, I don't know if it's your photography skills, or just the way the moonlight is dancing off that wall, but I never realized how beautiful our dumpster area is.
I think it's my dumpster area that sells it.
I just figured out how to help Carter.
I thought the season of Carter was over.
Have you not been listening? I can't stay mad at someone.
Should I be flattered or alarmed that she just ran up to her room with a picture of me naked? (KAT SIGHS) Now what? Look at this.
- Whoa! - Whoa! Phil's naked.
How am I supposed to look at that man in the eye again? Put your thumb there.
Look past Phil.
I'm not touching that.
Okay, um, cover it with this.
- Hey, now it's 3D.
- (KAT SIGHS) You know what? Forget the picture.
I'm pretty sure I can't forget that picture.
Carter, I think I figured out a way for you to serve more customers during regular business hours to make up for not staying open later.
Yeah? How's that? Back patio seating.
There's plenty of room back there.
The brick wall is rustic and super cool.
Plus, I did some research.
You already have approval for a back patio from when the Middle C was a strip club called "Leave It To Beavers.
" Oh, hey, I remember that place Huh? What? Never mind.
Anyway, Randi and I can help you decorate it and make it look awesome, with twinkle lights, 'cause that's the cheap way to make anything look awesome.
It's true.
I got pictures of her in her cap and gown.
Why are you doing this, Kat? I mean, I thought we came to a disagreement.
Because you're important to me.
In winter, spring, summer or fall, all you got to do is call.
And I'll be there, yes, I will.
- You know why? - Yeah, I know why.
- 'Cause you got a friend - I said I know why.
And I've been thinking about it.
I do respect you for voting for what you thought was right.
- Thank you.
- Even though I disagree.
Which I respect, and I politely disagree back.
Bring it in? (KAT LAUGHS) My professor says a great photograph is one you can't look away from, and he stared at the one I took of Phil so long, his glasses fogged up.
ALL: Oh! And then he gave me my first "A.
" - (CHEERING) - Congratulations.
Oh, and Randi is gonna help me use one of the pictures we took for my Christmas card this year.
We're gonna cover the naughty bits with snowflakes and tinsel.
- Can't wait for mine.
- Mm.
- Sounds festive.
- I got to hand it to you, Kat.
This back patio is off the hook.
And I'm glad Daddy's jukebox found a home that isn't mine.
Yeah, Carter and I went halfsies to restore it.
Pretty dang cool, isn't it? Hey, did I ever tell you, that's the original one from Happy Days? - For real? - No! Why does everyone believe that? ("DANCING IN THE STREET" BY MARTHA AND THE VANDELLAS PLAYS) - I love this song.
- I love this song.
Calling out around the world Are you ready for a brand-new beat? Summer's here, and the time is right For dancing in the street They're dancing in Chicago Dancing in the street Down in New Orleans
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