Candy (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

Happy Wife, Happy Life

CHILD: Throw it, throw it! [EGG SPLATS.]
Throw it! [BIKE BELL RINGS.]
Gore, I didn't even [HAND SLAMS ON DESK.]
Gore, you gave your entire class detention? Well, one of them was behind this, I'm sure of it.
Do you know how many calls I'm fielding? And it is not like this is the first time you have done something along these Earl Mr.
Albert these kids, like all of us, are a part of a community.
The actions of one affect us all.
♪ - Oh, man, look at this.
What's the occasion? Since when does a wife need an occasion to cook her husband's favorite meal? Those didn't come from a box.
No, sir, they did not.
I want to foster another child.
I have so much extra time now that I'm not working anymore.
And it's it's always been such a positive experience in the past.
Christina loves it when we bring children in, don't you, sweetheart? - I guess.
- Yeah.
New job's got me working a lot, traveling more.
Sure it's a good idea? We've got so much love to give in this family.
♪ ALLAN: This is delicious, honey.
David, this is Ms.
Betty, and this is our daughter Christina.
Ladies, this is David.
Hello, David.
Christina made this for you.
Isn't it beautiful? Do you know what it says? "Welcome David.
" BETTY: Look at you, what a good reader you are.
David, we are so happy to have you, and we just want you to feel at home here.
Yes, ma'am.
Well, Christina, do you want to show David to his new room? - Come on.
- There you go.
Thank you.
♪ He's perfect.
I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart ♪ I will enter his courts with praise ♪ I will say this is the day that the Lord has made ♪ I will rejoice for he has made me glad ♪ ALL: He has made me glad, he has made me glad ♪ I will rejoice for he has made me glad ♪ He has made me glad, he has made me glad ♪ I will rejoice for he has made me glad ♪ - BETTY: Bye.
- CHURCHGOER: Good night.
CHURCHGOER: Candy, oh, my goodness, that was so good.
- CANDY: Well, thank you.
- CHURCHGOER: Just great.
- CANDY: Oh, my gosh, y'all.
- CHURCHGOER: That was! Thank you so much, bless y'all.
- CHURCHGOER: God bless you.
- See you next week, okay? Hey, um, I won't be long, but don't get the kids too wound up, okay? - Who, me? - Yes, you.
Where's my favorite pastor at? Pick it up, you won't put it down.
You have been warned.
Commander Rodney Landa? Ooh, very commanding.
All right, come on now.
What? Sweetie Bill and I are getting divorced.
Jesus Did he cheat? No.
- No, of course not.
- Okay.
It's just Over.
I woke up one morning thinking, "Maybe this is it.
" Well, not for me.
You're gonna be fine.
You are fine.
This is the first time in a while I'm kinda excited to see what's coming next.
Yeah, all right.
♪ DAVID SOUL: Don't give up on us, baby ♪ [CANDY SINGING ALONG.]
Don't make the wrong seem right ♪ The future isn't just one night ♪ ♪ It's written in the moonlight ♪ ♪ And painted on the stars ♪ We can't change ours ♪ ♪ Don't give up on us, baby ♪ We're still worth one more try ♪ I know we put a last one by ♪ ♪ Just for a rainy evening ♪ ♪ When maybe stars are few ♪ Don't give up on us, I know ♪ We can still come through ♪ ♪ I really lost my head last night ♪ You've got a right to start believing ♪ ♪ There's still a little love left ♪ Even so ♪ ♪ Don't give up on us, baby ♪ Maybe it all ties together.
Well, would you like a few more maybes? CANDY: Have you spoken to Bill lately? PAT: Bill Richardson? CANDY: No, Ponder.
I ran into him down McKinney Square last week, why? No reason, just wondered why you two don't hang out more.
Sundays at church, I feel sick enough.
Well, you could use more friends is all.
I'm not 11.
I have you.
I have the kids.
That's all the friends I need.
JIM: Do you mind if I finish this sentence? RICHIE: No, I'm sorry, go ahead.
JIM: I went up to Tooley's office, and I found his, uh, expense sheet and these.
RICHIE: Glasses? JIM: Sharp that's exactly what I thought they were too.
RICHIE: No, no, that's not what I meant.
JIM: Oh, Joe, what what was he doing on the freeways, which he was afraid of Come on, it just started.
RICHIE: Two pair, maybe? JIM: No, I called Mary.
He only had one pair.
No others.
RICHIE: Listen, Mr.
Rockford, we're onto something here, I can feel it.
Joe Tooley was murdered.
♪ - Top one? - Top.
Oh! SHERRY: No, when JR said Gary wasn't smart enough - to want anything - I know! Strong enough to ask.
Whoo! SANDRA: And I mean, it's his own brother! I know, right? LINDA: Hey, y'all, I've been thinking about cutting my hair like Ms.
It's soft but strong, you know? It's just like a little bit shorter.
CANDY: I love that for you.
I love that for you.
Oh, well, hey there, Ms.
BETTY: Hi, y'all.
So I was thinking it might be fun to start up a children's choir.
I know my Christina would love it.
And, um, now that we have Davey, you know, we're fostering a little boy, Davey.
Poor little thing, he is just a sweetheart.
But I thought with all our little ones, we could put together something really special.
SHERRY: Well, aren't you sweet, Betty? You you want to teach children to be louder? [LAUGHTER.]
No, I want to teach them to work together in harmony towards a common goal.
♪ Well, I think it's a wonderful idea, I do.
I think the kids would enjoy it, and, uh, it'd be a good way for Davey to make some friends.
So, um, something to think about.
We sure will! - See you in there.
- BETTY: All right.
Ugh, St.
Betty of perpetual distress.
Ugh, God, you're awful! What? I said she was sweet.
She's just trying to do a good thing.
LINDA: She took in that poor little boy, isn't that enough good to do? Oh, honey, it is a long road to hoe for moral superiority.
She's just trying to make us feel like we don't do enough.
Well, we don't.
You definitely don't.
SHERRY: Speak for yourself.
She's running behind.
Good morning, everybody.
ALL: Good morning.
Bet you're all wondering why you're seeing my pretty face up here on a Sunday morning.
Don't bother ducking, I won't be up here long enough for the ceiling to come down on me.
- Thank you.
- Oh, boy.
DON: Uh, first off, Jackie's fine, folks.
Uh, she's just taking care of some some personal issues.
Um she and Bill are getting divorced.
- PAT: What? - Yeah.
DON: Yeah, I know.
Well, since there's not gonna be a proper sermon today, I think we should all go spend the day doing what what makes us happy.
Maybe go see that, uh, Grease again.
That was a hoot and holler! Ah, but but it makes you think it makes you think.
Right from the beginning, there's two ways of telling every story.
♪ Poor Jackie.
She's fine.
- How do you know? - You knew about this? It wasn't mine to tell.
- Is there another woman? - No.
- Another man.
- No.
Divorce, I would never I would have to just leave town! They grew apart, okay, it happens.
- Not around here, it doesn't.
- Mm-mm.
Except for her.
CANDY: Hey, y'all! People are gonna talk.
- I gotta go.
- Okay.
- SHERRY: See you next week.
- Bye.
- You coming? - Oh, yeah.
That was good.
Back later.
BETTY: Where are you going? Thursday volleyball.
Of course, um, have fun.
ALLAN: Thanks, honey! - CHRISTINA: Bye, Daddy! - ALLAN: Bye! [APPREHENSIVE MUSIC.]
♪ There you are.
What you doing? Becky threw it out the window to see if it could fly.
I told the guys it looks like an owl.
Well, I'm off to volleyball.
Oh, I'll round up the munchkins.
CANDY: No, no, no, stay here.
Oh, no, come on, we love watching you play.
Well, you do, but the kids just run around like maniacs, so let's not show everyone what terrible parents we are.
- Okay, you sure? - I mean it, I'm sure stay.
- PAT: Love you.
- CANDY: Love you! [DISCO MUSIC.]
SINGER: Jump, jump, jump on it ♪ PLAYER: That's it.
Oh, oh, we gotta go for it.
- CANDY: Oh, yeah.
- COACH: Okay, up good.
Good, Sherry, Candy.
- CANDY: All right, come on.
- COACH: There you go, over! PLAYER: Get it, get it, get it! [SCREAMS.]
PLAYER: Oh, sorry! CANDY: Shake it off.
All right, team, let's go whoo! COACH: Game point, game point! SINGER: Jump on it and ride ♪ Jump, jump, jump on it ♪ Jump, jump ♪ [ALL CHEERING.]
COACH: All right, okay okay.
PLAYER: That was hard! CANDY: Ugh, holy cow, my hamstrings.
ALLAN: Oh, you oughta think about getting some new shoes, then, with a better grip on 'em.
I was poking around Sears the other day, and I saw they had the new Winner IIs.
It's good shoe, 33% off, good deal.
Thinking about gettin' 'em myself.
Oh, yeah? Sounds like a good deal.
Get some water.
- Good game good game.
- PLAYER: Good game, Allan.
PLAYER: Good game.
Well, looky there, that was fast.
SHERRY: He must have passed Bill in the driveway.
Well, how long is she supposed to wait till she can be happy? 'Scuse me.
CANDY: Hey, Jackie, who is this fella? Hi, I'm Chuck.
Hey, Candy.
Such a pleasure to meet you.
I've heard nothing but nice things.
Oh, well you haven't heard the full story.
COACH: Come on, Allan.
CANDY: Oh, nice, Allan.
All right, who's there? [SHOES SQUEAKING.]
♪ - PLAYER: Ooh ooh! - PLAYER: Yes, baby.
COACH: Let's keep it going.
PLAYER: Oh, get it, baby! COACH: Okay, over Candy! Up, up! PLAYER: Oh! [CHEERING.]
ALLAN: Come on, Bets.
It's just a few days.
Okay, let's go back in.
- Davey! - What? I can see you.
I'm not doing anything.
- BETTY: David! - What? CHRISTINA: It makes him poop real bad.
He can't have people food, right, Mom? Yes, that is right.
If you don't want to eat, you can go to bed without supper.
Is that what you'd like? I don't care.
Excuse me? Go to your room, please.
BECKY: Mom, I can't find my new ballet shoes! Jason, quit it! JASON: Dad, he's doing it again! [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
PAT: Can, Becky says you know where her skate key is.
It's in the jar with the spare change.
PAT: Rabbits are crappin' on the walk again, but I hosed it off.
That's why my shoes are in the garage.
♪ [SIGHS.]
RECEPTIONIST: Doubletree Hotel, Minneapolis, how can I help you? Yes, good evening, may I have Allan Gore's room, please? RECEPTIONIST: One moment please, let me connect you.
Honey, I can't just leave early because you had I know, I okay? Of course.
I love you.
I didn't whisper it.
Honey, there's nobody here! I-I love you! Okay? Yeah.
I'll be home soon.
Okay, bye now.
PERSON: Named a perfume after me.
PERSON: Yes, a lady friend of mine uses one of your perfumes, very persuasive.
PERSON: We have to talk about Julie, don't we? PERSON: Yes we do, sorry.
PERSON: I want to know more about the circumstances that caused her death.
SINGER: Music is fun to me ♪ What about you, whatchu gonna do? ♪ Get up, oh, yeah, yeah ♪ Music is fun to me ♪ What about you, whatchu gonna do? ♪ Get up, oh ♪ CANDY: You're definitely having sex.
Is that right? Yes, I was watching y'all at volleyball.
That was, for sure, two people who are having sex.
That was two people who had not had sex.
Oh If we'd played the following night, it would have been a different story.
Oh, so that was first time foreplay? - Mm-hmm.
- CANDY: Oh, my gosh.
- So how was it? - Yeah.
JACKIE: It was fun.
SHERRY: You can do better than that.
JACKIE: What can I tell you? It was thoroughly enjoyable.
Oh, that was bad.
- Yeah, it was bad all right.
- No.
I hadn't been with anyone but Bill in 11 years.
It was weird.
And then it was sexy.
And then - A lot of fun.
- Yes, ma'am.
JACKIE: Just seeing a new man undress, ooh! It was like Christmas.
I wish Santa would come to my house.
Ho, ho, ho! Is he gonna come down your chimney again? Ooh, send him down my chimney.
- JACKIE: Stop it! - SHERRY: Ho, ho, ho! What else? Every detail.
- SHERRY: Candy.
Start from the beginning.
BETTY: Settle down, please.
- CHRISTINA: Oh, you're dead.
- DAVEY: You're it.
CHRISTINA: No, you're it.
Settle down, please! [CHILDREN SCREAMING.]
I am not coming out until you settle down! [METALLIC CLANKING, CHILDREN SCREAMING.]
CHRISTINA: No, you're it.
I'm gonna get you anyway.
Are you sure? Then how have you haven't caught me yet? [CLANKING AND SCREAMING.]
BETTY: Stop that, David, stop that! David stop David! Grow up.
I will hit you.
You threatened to smack him? Well, I would never actually hit anyone.
Course, I know that, Bets, but he doesn't.
BETTY: Well, it was a crisis situation, Allan.
I had to do something, and it worked.
Do you know where he came from? He needs discipline, he craves it.
Look, I'll make it up to him.
Larry was pretty miffed that you called again.
Well, I think Larry should know better than to send a husband, a father out on the road.
ALLAN: Oh, come on, it was 73 hours, honey.
- You counted? - Hmm? - What? - BETTY: You counted.
You try and be so macho, but I know you hate being away.
Oh corned beef hash.
Corned beef hash for my best guy.
ALLAN: Yeah, it's good.
Do we have any ketchup? BETTY: Kids, breakfast! I want cereal.
Your mother made corned beef hash.
BETTY: Now, you need the vitamins.
Just have a little.
Oh, you like the toast, Davey? That's good.
ALLAN: Thank you, honey.
So somebody has a birthday coming up, right? How would you like to have a birthday party? You'd like it you would? Okay, well, I reckon it's settled.
We'll have a party oh, wait.
We might have invitations left over from Christina's party last year.
- Ketchup? - No, thanks.
So you can pass them out at school and invite all your friends, it's gonna be so fun.
Here we go.
Aren't they cute? [GENTLE MUSIC.]
JACKIE: Stop it.
You're not stopping.
Oh, well, where am I gonna get my sexy stories from now? Well, I'm gonna spend all the time I was spending with you having a wild affair with someone.
JACKIE: Well, that's a terrible idea.
Why why should you be allowed to have all the fun? First of all, that's not what I did.
I ended a marriage, which was not fun.
And second, infidelities are a real messy place to be.
It's not what you want.
I'm speaking as your pastor now.
Well, you're not my pastor anymore.
Honey, I'll always be your pastor.
And you can always call me if you need to talk.
- You have my number.
- Yeah, okay.
I don't want to have to add you to the list of things I gotta worry about right now.
Oh, I know, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna be fine.
I like my smut to rhyme.
Check out Love and Sleep.
You know, we should really write one of these together, you know, something really nasty.
Swarthy young oil rigger just needs to be tamed.
I'm hugging you, and then I am driving off, and that's that, mm-kay? - Okay.
- JACKIE: Come here.
Okay, honey.
Don't go.
♪ Oh, Lord.
You're supposed to have more than two players.
BETTY: Pick that up, please.
ALLAN: The Olcotts said their Stuart never got the invite, just like the Snyders.
BETTY: Davey, did you pass out those invitations like I told you? They were for girls.
- That doesn't matter.
- Did you distribute them? Dad, we can drive around and ask some of the kids, I bet they'd still come.
No, you will not.
I gave you invitations to give to your friends for your birthday party.
You didn't do that, did you? ALLAN: Betty.
BETTY: Actions have consequences, David.
ALLAN: Hey, you didn't follow up with the parents? He's seven years old.
BETTY: He's eight, and that is old enough to know that people don't just magically appear at a birthday party.
ALLAN: All right.
DAVEY: I don't like it here.
Excuse me? We can still have fun.
I wanna leave.
This is your home, and in this house, we respect ourselves, each other, and our possessions.
- Now, pick up this mess.
- No! Pick it up.
I hate it here.
ALLAN: Hey, cut it out! DAVEY: I hate it here, and I hate you! [TOY CLATTERS.]
You don't know what it's like.
I'm not the bad guy, Allan.
Who's here to help me? You're not here half the time.
Our friends? Oh.
One of them has a baby, and there's parties, showers.
I go to every single one of those and just stand in a room and smile while they ignore me.
But when I wanted to take in this child that nobody else wanted nothing.
Not a call, not an offer of help.
♪ Betty, you gotta get ahold of yourself.
I can't handle another person in this house who doesn't want to be here.
"I wist not what, saving one word: "delight.
"And all her face was honey to my mouth, "and all her body, "pasture to mine eyes.
"The long lithe arms and hotter hands than fire, "quivering flanks, "hair smelling of the South.
"The bright light feet, "the splendid supple thighs, and glittering eyelids of my soul's desire.
" What do you think? I like it.
Because it's so - Bright? - Yeah, mm-hmm.
- I agree.
- No.
I liked that it rhymed.
I didn't think it was going to, but then it did.
I like trying to guess what the rhyme's gonna be, so.
This one really threw me for a loop.
Yeah, she's really good.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, I'm gonna get a jog in.
Hello? So tell me again why I'm not supposed to have an affair.
JACKIE: Candy, because you have a wonderful life and you don't want to blow it up.
But I wouldn't.
That's what they all say.
It would just be for a little distraction, some spice, I mean, why not? Feelings will happen, they always do.
CANDY: But they don't have to.
JACKIE: I don't know, that's not what I see.
He just sits here, mouth breathing on the couch.
I mean, don't I deserve more than that? [CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
BETTY: What did they say? It's fine.
They said it happens a lot, so Bad fit.
You must think I'm a monster.
Bets, cut it out.
When someone is troubled, it's hard to take care of them.
You did your best.
BETTY: You're going to volleyball tonight? ALLAN: I missed one practice already.
You know they count on me.
Don't go.
Was Davey sad? No, he's gonna be fine, sweetheart.
They're gonna make sure to find just the perfect home for him.
Take care of your mom while I'm at practice.
CHRISTINA: We can watch Mork & Mindy, Mom.
Oh, nano-nano.
♪ Service! [PENSIVE MUSIC.]
No feet, y'all, no feet.
Ugh! PLAYER: One more.
What'd you say about no feet, Candy? Two can be pissed off, so what if you are.
PLAYER: All right, you two, break it up! PLAYER: Come on! You got it.
ALLAN: Hey, Candy.
Please don't say anything or I'm never gonna get this out.
But I find you attractive and, well, I'd like to have an affair.
Okay, well, good night, Allan.
♪ DON: Candace, what did you do then? ♪ I grabbed the axe.

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