Casual (2015) s04e08 Episode Script


1 LAURA: I can't believe no one showed.
VALERIE: I figured there'd be at least a few old lovers here to see her off.
ALEX: That's the thing about a funeral.
You only go so people can see you came.
No witnesses, no obligation.
- LAURA: Still, not one person? - VALERIE: I'd be upset.
ALEX: You'd be dead.
VALERIE: It's hopeful you think that matters.
Maybe she's the last one left and the important people in her life are already gone.
Waiting for her in crystal hell with their flaming muumuus and sage.
Shall we pay our respects? Or we could leave and go get tacos.
[choir singing Latin] Fine, respects first, then tacos.
Or falafel.
VALERIE: I wonder what she was thinking when she went.
Maybe about how her children were gonna come see her and then never did.
Can you not? Just saying.
She's probably gonna hold that over us for the rest of time, like a really boring remake of "The Grudge" starring Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Whatever happened to Sarah Michelle Gellar? You know, I don't know, but I really like her.
It's a shame we don't see more of her.
Darlings, so good of you to come.
I was worried it would just be me all alone with her.
- It's a mother's worst fear.
- Hi, Mom.
How does she look? Happy, content? - [sighs] - It's always so hard to tell.
But I'm sure her spirit is overjoyed that you came.
Couldn't have been easy, dying alone in that house.
But I suppose that's how she chose to live.
There's a symmetry in that.
Life's poetic stanza.
Did someone say we're getting falafel? Oh, fuck yeah.
[coffin lid slams, echoes] [upbeat music] ALEX: Oh.
What you doing, sweetheart? - Hi.
- Hey.
- Hi, Care Bear.
- Hi, Mommy.
- ALEX: Oh.
- RAE: How you doing? ALEX: I'm okay.
Do you want me to change my flight to next week? - No.
- 'Cause I can.
- Whatever you need.
- Nope, you gotta go.
They can't make that movie without you.
Yeah, they they can.
Rae, I'm good.
If anything, I'm relieved.
- You sure? - Yeah.
A small part of me believed she'd made a Faustian bargain - and would live forever.
- Her soul's safe.
I wouldn't go that far.
Hey, I gotta be at the airport super early tomorrow morning, and I was wondering if I could just bring Carrie back tonight and put her down.
- Great, yeah.
- Okay.
Do you wanna stay for breakfast? [Hall & Oates' "You Make My Dreams"] HALL: What I want you've got and it might be hard to handle Like the flame that burns the candle The candle feeds the flame, yeah, yeah What I got full stock Of thoughts and dreams that scatter When you put them all together And how I can't explain Oh, yeah, well, well, you SINGERS: Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh HALL: You make my dreams come true SINGERS: Ooh-ooh, you, you Hoo-ooh, you HALL: Well, well, well, you - It's a dinosaur! - It is a dinosaur.
He used to be the breakfast king, your dad.
He made the best waffles on the planet.
And then he sold out.
I adjusted my identity for the amusement of my child, - thank you very much.
- He sold out big-time.
ALEX: Hmm.
Hey, uh, the realtor's checking in.
- Did you call her? - I will.
There's no shortage of housing in Texas.
I'm unconcerned.
Okay, well, you're not sleeping on my couch.
- Jeff said I could.
- He definitely did not.
Oh, come on.
Too soon? Just call her, please.
Hey, what's up with you? You don't like my pancakes either? - I had the dream again.
- Oy.
It's a lot, right? Funeral dream same day as a funeral? Eh, I've had so many dreams about Dad, my subconscious has basically given up on generating story.
We were especially bad in this one.
ALEX: Huh.
And one day, it's gonna be me in that coffin, and I don't think I want people cracking jokes at my expense.
I don't like where this is headed.
Can we just try to be respectful today? It's kind of the last big one.
- I'll put on a suit.
- Thank you.
[somber music playing] - LEON: Hey, Valerie.
- Hi, Leon.
Hey, bud.
- This is nice.
- Yeah, well attended.
Your mother was a wonderful woman.
Oh, thank you.
That's very kind of you to say.
So full of love.
I'm gonna choose to remember her that way.
- We made love on occasion.
- Oh, that's good.
It was.
It was very good.
Well, I'm going to join my husband.
- VALERIE: Mm-hmm.
- Wonderful service.
The bagels were a nice touch.
But one of the toasters is broken.
- Okay.
- Noted.
[chuckles] - Don't.
- I didn't say anything.
- You either.
- No, not a peep.
- Everyone.
- Hmm? Take a crystal.
These were her favorite.
Good for digestion and blood pressure.
Bring them home.
Cherish them.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
Goddess bless.
[chuckles] One of the toasters is broken? - These are digestion crystals.
- BOTH: [laughing] - Alex, what's happening here? - ALEX: Oh, my God.
[laughter] VALERIE: Alex, no.
ALEX: Oh, my God, are people looking? - VALERIE: No.
- ALEX: Okay.
- Everyone's looking.
- Okay, come on.
- Shh.
- Come on, get it together.
Is somebody gonna say something? [laughter] - Okay.
- Oh, no, this is so bad.
We have to [laughs] - My face hurts.
- We're just We're just gonna go Shut up.
We're going to - We have to go up to the body.
- Okay, bring your crystal.
This is gonna stop.
ALEX: [clears throat] Hi, Grandma.
We had some good times together.
And if there's a party after this one, I'm sure you'll be the life of it.
Sorry, I hope that wasn't weird.
Bye, Mom.
You'll always be with us, no matter where we are, what we do.
She bound us.
So thank you for that.
Bon voyage.
See you on the other side.
ALEX: [clears throat] Excuse me.
[clears throat] Shall we? Please don't take her to, like, Canada and change your number.
- You'd find me.
- I would.
Don't worry.
Be with you in Austin before you know it.
[calm music] Are you guys doing anything tonight? You know, I don't want to question your instincts, but even for you, this feels a bit much.
What better way to celebrate Mom's life than by having sex - with people we barely know? - [laughs] - Well, is this about Rae? - Nope.
- 'Cause it's okay if it is.
- It's not.
- All right.
- Rae and I will be fine.
'Cause that's what we have to be.
Now, can we just go out and have a good time? When is the last time you were on a proper date? Define proper.
I hope you still got it.
Oh, I still got it.
Do you still got it? Oh, I never lost it.
You totally epically lost it for a period of multiple years.
- Well, I got it back.
- Mm-hmm.
- Asshole.
- [laughs] VALERIE: Okay, bye-bye.
She's already down, so it should be smooth sailing.
LAURA: Okay.
But if she wakes up, read her a bedtime story.
- LAURA: Okay.
- It's important.
Her brain is a rapidly developing sponge.
I'm trying to fill it with wonder and imagination and love for the arts, so don't forget that - Alex.
- Sorry.
- Thank you for babysitting.
- Go on.
- Love you.
- Love you too.
- Uh, well - [laughs] - We're orphans now.
- That's true.
- Mmm.
- [laughs] [rock music playing] I guess if we were in a book, we'd be starting some crazy adventure, right? Like I don't know facing an evil governess or Voldemort.
That'd be cool.
Book orphans have it really rough.
I guess real orphans do too.
BOTH: [laugh] I wonder what our adventure will be.
I'm gonna miss this.
Me too.
Okay, so what's the plan? What do you mean? What plan? What if one of our dates is really good and the other one sucks? Is it every man for himself, or is it no person left behind? I mean, what is Well, I don't know which military policy applies to this situation, so how about we play it by ear? Okay.
So who are these people, anyway? Thank you for asking.
Mine is Taylor.
35, works in private equity.
Scroll forward, please.
Yours is Michael.
47, nutritionist.
- Handsome devil.
- Nutritionist.
All right.
Where are they? 'Cause we should make sure to sit where we can see each other.
[laughs] BOTH: [laughing] I don't think that's gonna be an issue.
- No.
- After you.
Have fun.
[doorbell rings] [calm music] - Hi.
- Hey.
- How was it? - It was nice.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Any good outfits? Uh, there were some interpretive dancers.
- Ooh.
- It's good to see you.
You too.
CARRIE: [cries over monitor] "Sometimes it feels impossible that I could ever do anything that's great at all until I talk to you.
" - Her room is so cute.
- Oh, yeah.
It's not quite the same as when I lived here.
I wish I'd known you then.
I was an angsty little loner.
A lot of attitude and no friends.
- You? - I know.
[laughs] And now this place is going away.
And it's like once they change the locks and repaint, that part of me disappears forever.
You wish.
LAURA: Sorry I've been existing in the digital space.
But with Alex leaving and the funeral, you know.
It's nice to finally see you in person.
It's okay.
I mean, I figured you were busy.
Well, I'm unemployed, living in my mom's house.
It's a nonstop thrill ride.
[chuckles] So what do you wanna do tonight? I wanna crank the hot tub up to 103 degrees and soak.
But I realize you might be more comfortable doing clothed activities.
I could soak.
You know, in all honesty and this is gonna sound really terrible, but I'm kind of in the dating sweet spot, and what I mean is, I'm 45, I'm divorced, my kid is grown up.
If I wanna have a relationship, I can do that.
If I if it's just sex, say, there's options there.
If I wanna be alone, eh, that's okay too.
That sounds pretty ideal.
It is, and it took me a very long time to realize that you can just you can just ask for what you want.
I used to be so afraid of being alone.
Thought I had this blinking sign over my head that just said, "She's alone, she's alone.
" BOTH: [chuckle] And the truth is, I think people are just way too concerned about their own signs to even notice yours.
- So you didn't see my sign? - No.
It's pink neon, and it's blinking, "Stop sweating, stop sweating.
" BOTH: [laughing] Were you close to her? Well, she left me as an infant to go on tour with Queen, - so if that tells you anything.
- Queen? I know, it's weird.
My mom was weird.
Who goes on tour with Queen? I don't know.
In the '70s, I bet lots of people went on tour with Queen.
You sure it wasn't, like, Kiss or AC/DC? 'Cause that I would understand.
Pretty sure I know which band my mom was touring with in my infancy.
You're pretty sure of something that happened - in your infancy? - We could Google it.
- Should we Google it? - No, of course not.
- Sorry, Queen's great.
- They're fine.
Do you have any pictures? I'd bet there are some fun pictures.
No, she didn't take any pictures.
- You really don't believe me.
- I believe you.
No, you don't, and I don't have any pictures, so now it seems like I'm the crazy one.
Did I seem like the crazy one before you didn't have any pictures of your mom's groupie tour? Will you excuse me for a second? [quirky music] I stopped seeing Estelle.
No names, please.
What happened? We just ran out of things to talk about.
Yeah, well, there are only so many topics.
[laughs] - Have you been going out? - Like, dating? - Yeah.
- No.
See, I had this ex-girlfriend, and she's been pretty hard to measure up to.
I think I'm done seeing other people.
- Okay.
- Okay? Yeah.
[chuckles] - What? Never mind.
Was there something else you wanted to say? Nope.
Kind of feels like there might be.
You're really enjoying this, aren't you? Do you want me to be your girlfriend? - No.
- Are you sure? Maybe.
BOTH: [chuckle] [calm music] [indistinct chatter] - Hey, how is he? - Uh, I like him.
He's educated and funny and has great skin.
- Nutritionist.
- Yeah.
What's wrong? You seem very agitated.
Mine doesn't believe me that Mom went on tour with Queen when I was born.
What do you mean she doesn't believe it? She thinks that Queen is an unlikely band.
Yeah, well, everything about Mom was unlikely.
I know, exactly.
I was willing to put up with this private equity money fetish thing, but I don't know.
This seems like a bridge too far.
Seriously? This is where we're drawing the line? - Yeah, it feels combative.
- Who cares? 'Cause you're never gonna see her again.
You're moving.
She might visit Austin and have to choose between me and a cheesy hotel.
I could be her mistake of convenience.
Mm, that's probably gonna happen.
Austin is - Oh, God, not again.
What? - Hi.
What's all this? Um, this is probably gonna sound a little weird, but, um She's my sister and my best friend.
And I don't think you're crazy.
I just want you to believe me about Queen.
This is why you keep glancing at the table next to us? Yeah.
If her date sucks, I might need to step in.
And given his level of fitness, probably get my ass kicked.
- VALERIE: Yeah.
- Does he suck? - No, he's really nice.
- TAYLOR: Great.
Can we all sit together like normal people instead of hiding out by the bathroom? - Absolutely.
- Sure, sounds good.
Thank you.
Never mind.
I like her.
[Queen's "Radio Ga Ga" playing] ALEX: You gave them all those old-time stars Through wars of worlds, invaded by Mars You made them laugh, you made them cry You made us feel like we could fly So don't become some background noise A backdrop for the girls and boys VALERIE: Who just don't know - Or just don't care - And just complain - When you're not there - You had your time - You had the power - You've yet to have Your finest hour, radio Thank you.
BOTH: All we hear is radio ga ga Radio goo goo, radio ga ga All we hear is radio ga ga, radio ga ga Radio, what's new Radio, someone still loves you ALEX: [grunts contentedly] VALERIE: [giggles] - Holy shit, you're alive.
- It's good to see you too.
Are you here to burn this place down? Do you need any help? I can help you.
No, actually.
Way more pathetic.
I've come to beg at the altar of unemployment.
- Gross, don't do that.
- No, oh, God, no.
It's fine.
My pride is swallowed and digested.
No, I mean, this place is over.
It's an exodus.
Pharaoh's lost control.
God, I was ready to grovel.
Oh, you should come work with me.
I'm gonna go to the new restaurant on Hyperion, and they're looking for young people to exploit.
- Seriously? - Yeah, I could put a word in.
It's the least I could do after setting you up with Camilla.
Yeah, you did do that.
But you can't walk out mid-shift.
And you have to get better at hanging out, you bad friend.
- I'll be better.
- You'd better be better.
- How's bow girl? - She's off the bows.
- Oh, thank God.
- Yeah.
It's good to see you.
- Yeah.
- I gotta go.
Ooh, one more week of this shit.
Let my people go.
[door clicks opens and shut] This is not a baby-to-dog replacement situation.
I promise.
But he's a year and a half old, and he's black, and those dogs don't get adopted, and it's so messed up that racism extends to dogs, but that's the world we live in.
And he's so cute, and I think we'll love him.
But I'll take him back if you don't want him.
It's fine.
I just want you to be happy.
Okay? [laughs] What's his name? Whatever we want it to be.
[soft jazz music playing] [indistinct chatter] - Mother.
- Daughter.
- Living the dream, huh? - Yes.
- Wanna know a secret? - What? I've had a steady buzz since noon.
[laughs] - I'm so happy for you.
- [laughs] - Cheers.
- Cheers.
[glasses clink] Mm, hey, what is that? My couch.
Do you like it? I got it on Craigslist.
I like that you have a white couch in a wine store, - you badass.
- I know, 'cause you know me.
I live on the fucking edge.
[laughs] Hey, do you have plans for dinner? Oh, I'm going to Alex's.
What a jerk.
He didn't ask me.
Well, I think he's a little distracted.
- What? - What? Nothing.
You just seem good.
So do you.
BOTH: [chuckling softly] - ALEX: Hey, is that you? - VALERIE: Yep.
- So I got, uh, enchiladas.
- Ooh.
Carnitas, al pastor, lenguas, suizas, mole.
The whole enchilada family.
- Oh, fuck yes! - Right? Brilliant.
How great was the other night? - God, it was so good.
- I know.
- Nutritionist.
- Right? - Yeah.
- And that private equity lady, surprisingly unselfish in bed.
Oh, well, cheers.
- I imagine you'll want these.
- Mm-hmm.
- We gotta do it more often.
- Mm, yeah, mm-hmm.
We could hit every karaoke bar in a ten-mile radius, you know? Have you ever done K-Town? I wanna do K-Town.
I hear great things about K-Town.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, never better.
So, um, I think I'm gonna stay here in LA.
Which sounds crazy, I know, but it'll actually work out well for both of us.
You can move back in.
Save money for the store.
I can commute to Austin when I have to.
Carrie can split time.
Maybe do summers here.
- It'll be great.
- You're serious? Yeah, people do it all the time.
I mean, my friends are here.
My work's here.
- You work from home.
- And you, you're here.
Who else am I gonna laugh with at funerals or scheme with outside of bathrooms? I mean, we're orphans now, right? And orphans don't don't just leave each other.
That manuscript would get rejected out of hand.
Alex I don't wanna go somewhere you're not.
I don't wanna start over.
Alex, you're not starting over.
Okay? You're just you're not.
You've got Carrie.
You've got Rae.
You've got your family.
And Austin is so close.
I'm, like I'm so close, and I can come visit you.
- And we can go line dancing.
- You're a terrible dancer.
- So teach me.
- I'm afraid, Val.
I'm afraid, and I'm sad.
It's the end of something I never wanna end.
But it's not the end.
[melancholy music] - Okay? - Okay.
It's not the end.
[groans] Oh, fuck.
[groans] Come on, come on, come on, come on! Okay, okay, right behind you.
- For you.
- I don't want this.
Yes, you do.
I already set it up.
And, uh, I put a mix on it.
You ready, monkey? - Yes.
- Yeah.
Hey, listen.
You take care of him for me, okay? Okay.
- Okay.
- ALEX: Here they come.
- Sorry, sorry.
- Sorry.
We're here.
Hi! - Hi.
- Hi.
- Better late than never.
- Get a waffle iron.
- I will.
- [chuckles] - ALEX: I'll see you soon.
- LAURA: Mm.
- Call you as soon as I get in.
- Please don't.
[chuckles] We named our dog Alex.
After you.
Well, I'm honored.
And slightly offended.
[laughter] Please come visit me.
Okay, we gotta go.
LAURA: Come on.
Let's go.
- Well, fuck.
- Yeah.
[sighs] You ready? Yeah.
[door clicks shut] [somber music] - Are you excited? - Yes.
Me too.
[indistinct chatter] - So - Hmm? - Austin, huh? - Yeah.
- Hmm, okay.
- Okay.
- Should we have some music? - Yeah.
[Ova chimes] [chuckling softly] - Ova.
- [Ova chimes] Play Alex's mix.
[Tom Petty's "Time to Move On" playing] PETTY: It's time to move on, time to get going What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing But under my feet, baby, grass is growing It's time to move on, time to get going Broken skyline moving through the airport She's an honest defector, conscientious objector Now her own protector Yeah, a broken skyline, which way to love land Which way to something better Which way to forgiveness Which way do I go It's time to move on, time to get going What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing But under my feet, baby, grass is growing It's time to move on, time to get going