Catch-22 (2019) s01e04 Episode Script
Episode 4
1 I'm gonna buy a paper doll That I can call my own A doll that other fellows cannot steal And then the flirty, flirty guys - Good morning, Dottie.
- Good morning, Sue Anne.
Flirty, flirty eyes Will have to flirt with dollies that are real When I come home at night she will be waiting She'll be the truest doll in all this world - All right, thank you.
- Not a problem.
I'd rather have a paper doll To call my own Than have a fickle-minded real live girl DUCKETT: Doctor.
INVESTIGATOR: Can you tell us precisely what your fight with McWatt on the tarmac was about? Happiness.
INVESTIGATOR: Happiness? Your fight was about happiness? That was one of the themes, yes.
That's where it ended up, anyway.
INVESTIGATOR: Would you say that McWatt was disturbed? Yes.
INVESTIGATOR: And would you say he was mentally unwell? Sure, yeah.
Yeah, why not? INVESTIGATOR: Would you call him insane? Aren't we all? And would you say McWatt's insanity led to the death of Kid Sampson? Yes.
INVESTIGATOR: And would you agree the United States military is in no way responsible for McWatt's insanity that led to the death of Kid Sampson? I would say the United States military is entirely responsible for McWatt's insanity that led to the death of Kid Sampson.
KORN: Answer the question.
I just did.
INVESTIGATOR: Can you positively identify these to be the bodies of Lieutenants Sampson and McWatt? Positively? INVESTIGATOR: Simply yes or no will suffice.
Well, I can't really give you a simple yes or no.
I'm 20% positive that's Kid Sampson, and I'm I don't know 10% on McWatt.
INVESTIGATOR: I'll take that as a yes.
[TRUCK ENGINE RUMBLING.]
- DUCKETT: Thank you, bye.
- YOSSARIAN: Oh.
Hi, hi.
Uh, can I talk to you? Hi, sure.
So, I think maybe you and I are the only two sane people on this base.
Sane person? Here? Okay.
I can't take this anymore.
And I think I've figured out a way to get out of here, and I just wanna see how it registers on a sane person's face.
Wow, I'm I'm almost flattered.
So, as it stands, I still have 11 missions left to fly.
Cathcart'll raise the missions, clearly.
It's a behavioral pattern.
But I'm gonna do those 11 so fast in secret, he won't even know.
And I won't log them on the day.
I'll log them all at once after I've flown them, and then I'm gone before he even knows what happened.
So, just to get this straight, your your plan to get out of here is to fly all of the missions you're required to fly anyway? Yeah, that's my plan.
Just, really fast.
[ANITA O'DAY'S "MASSACHUSETTS".]
- Heya, fella.
- Hey.
What say I fly this one for you? - BOMBARDIER: Why? - I don't know.
I'm just itching to get up there.
BOMBARDIER: All right.
I'm gonna go swimming, then.
Appreciate it.
Take that to work.
All right.
And When the porter yells Massachusetts Bombs away.
All right, that's it.
We're done.
Pull up.
Homesick as can be, Massachusetts YOSSARIAN: Pull up harder, please.
Hey, uh, what's your name, again? BOBBY: Munster.
Bobby Munster.
Nice job, Bobby Munster.
How my heart will knock Massachusetts To see Plymouth Rock Massachusetts Want to roam around Massachusetts In Nantucket town Massachusetts You can't guess how much it means for me to be - YOSSARIAN: Bombs away.
- [CANNONS BOOMING.]
[BOMBS SHRIEKING.]
Hey, there he is, the king of the clouds.
YOSSARIAN: Hey, fellas.
New Kid Sampson, New McWatt.
John Yossarian.
John Yossarian.
Just like Jack and Jill Come on, you fuck.
- Release.
- Okay, take us out! Spread the news around I'm Massachusetts bound YOSSARIAN: Heya, boys.
Let's do it.
Release.
[PLANE ENGINE DRONING.]
As you walk to Lexing [SWITCH CLICKS, MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY.]
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
[EERIE SILENCE.]
[INSTRUMENTS CLICKING.]
[EERIE SILENCE.]
[INSTRUMENTS CLICKING.]
[EXHALES.]
[METALLIC CREAK.]
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[LEVER CLICKS.]
[EERIE SILENCE.]
[BOOMING.]
[GLENN MILLER'S "IN THE MOOD".]
Yes, that's it! That's it for me! I'm going home, fellas! You hear that? [GROANS.]
I'm going home.
- What's your name, again? - JOSEPH: Joseph, sir.
I'm going home, Joseph.
I won.
I won! - I hear someone's going home.
- Oh, you hear right.
- SMOKER: Go get 'em, Yo-Yo.
- I will.
[WHISTLING.]
Hi.
CLERK: Haven't seen you in a while.
- YOSSARIAN: Yeah.
- Been in the hospital again? I have not.
I have not, no.
I have been flying.
For your signing.
- You're giving me these all at once? - All at once.
There's 11 missions there.
- Count 'em.
- CLERK: Interesting way of doing it.
11 in a row.
I figure I'd save you a whole lot of work if, you know, I gave them to you all at once.
How thoughtful.
[YOSSARIAN WHISTLING.]
YOSSARIAN: A good day to you, Colonel.
This makes 50 missions, sir.
- Wait, you've flown - YOSSARIAN: 11 missions.
- 11 missions? - That's right, sir.
In six days.
KORN: That's not even possible.
That's 11 missions, sir.
YOSSARIAN: They're they're all stamped, sir.
Who gave you permission? I've just been making myself available, sir.
There's always somebody with the stomach bug or a headache or a hangover.
And I'm just doing what I can to help.
Just doing my bit.
This is highly irregular.
Yes, sir.
And when can I expect to receive my discharge papers, sir? Well, as soon as I've stamped your paperwork.
YOSSARIAN: Yes, sir.
Should I wait here? There's a process that proceeds the actual stamping - of the stamp.
- Yes, sir.
KORN: We'll notify you once that process - is complete.
- Thank you, sir.
- Is that sufficient? - YOSSARIAN: Thank you very much, sir.
You're welcome.
Uh-huh.
[GLENN MILLER'S "IN THE MOOD".]
YOSSARIAN: Yes! Hey, Yo-Yo! YOSSARIAN: What are you doing? We went down.
I was on a training run with these fellas.
Fellas, this is Yossarian.
Jump on, Yo-Yo.
We were we were looping out past Sardinia in the new B-25.
It's got a new Holley carburetor which cruises lean but the bypass valve is diaphragm-operated, which I did not know.
The old ones have a baffle in the air-mixing chamber and that's the one I'm used to, obviously.
But now there's this self-sealing CCU strapped on to the bomb bay, and the fuel gets transferred by an electric centrifuge pump.
And if you did not know that [MIMICS FARTING NOISE.]
You're not gonna prime it.
So Perfect belly landing.
And I learned something new for next time.
Well, I didn't know you'd gone.
But welcome back.
Oh give me land lots of land Under starry skies above Don't fence me in Let me ride through the wide open country that I love Don't fence me in Let me be by myself in the evening breeze Listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees Send me off forever but I ask you please Don't fence me in Just turn me loose Let me straddle my old saddle underneath the western skies On my Cayuse let me wander over yonder Till I see the mountains rise I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences Gaze at the moon till I lose my senses Can't look at hobbles and I can't stand Knock, knock.
How you doing, Yo-Yo? - Stupendous.
- Heard you went down yesterday.
- Sure did.
- Good for you.
I need to call in my favor.
What is it? MILO: I'm gonna go buy some things.
I need you to come with me.
- Where? - MILO: Everywhere.
- YOSSARIAN: When? - MILO: Gotta leave in an hour.
I can't.
I'm going home.
You're going home? I'm just waiting on a stamp, but - But, why do you need me? - MILO: Come on, it'll be fun.
It'll be like a vacation.
You won't have to lift anything heavy.
I promise.
Can I come? [PLANE ENGINES RUMBLING.]
MILO: Yeah, she handles nice, right? - ORR: I'm impressed.
- MILO: It's outstanding craftsmanship.
That's the Germans for you, though.
Every little detail.
Hey, look at this stitching.
Here.
Huh? This is high-quality leather.
You see this, Yossarian? Very high quality.
LORENZO: Milo Minderbinder, Milo Minderbinder, me ascolta? Hello, this is Milo Minderbinder.
LUCA: [RAMBLES IN ITALIAN.]
Ah, Luca.
How are you, my friend? Wait, slow down, Luca.
Slow down.
- LUCA: Sto parlando con le - Uh-huh.
- LUCA: Cinquecento animali! - Uh-huh.
LUCA: Queste la ferme.
Well, that was the agreement we had.
500 goats.
LUCA: Ha già iniziato a uccidere.
Tell him to hold his horses.
I'm actually I'm in the neighborhood.
I'll drop in.
No, just tell him not to slaughter.
No slaughter.
Don't kill the goats.
Tu vuo' fa' ll'americano Mericano, mericano Sient'a mme chi t' 'o ffa fa' Tu vuoi vivere alla moda Ma se bevi whisky and soda Po' te siente 'e disturba' [GOATS BLEATING.]
Mr.
Milo.
It's so wonderful to have you back.
Ciao Alessandro, che piacere vederti.
ALESSANDRO: [GRUNTS.]
Alessandro, I want you to meet two very, very good friends of mine.
This is John Yossarian.
- Hiya.
- ALESSANDRO: Hi.
And Ivor Orr.
My friends.
My friends.
[LAUGHS.]
Alessandro, we had an agreement.
Yes, yes.
But you said some goats.
You didn't say 500 goats.
500 goats is good, no? You can milk them.
No, no, Mr.
Milo.
We cannot feed them.
MILO: Don't they just eat grass? Let them eat the grass.
Oh, you don't understand goats.
[LAUGHS.]
ALESSANDRO: The grass is already gone.
And now they eat everything.
They eat things that are not even food.
Let me assure you, we are so thankful for everything you have done for us.
And this town has most surely been blessed by your generosity.
Very welcome.
But 500 goats, it's just too many goats.
[GOATS BLEATING.]
[PLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
MILO: It's amazing the demand you can create just by moving things around.
That's what I do with the eggs.
Now now, I don't understand what you do with the eggs.
You buy them for seven cents apiece in Malta then you sell them for five cents? I do it to make a profit.
Well, why do people come to Malta for eggs when they're so expensive, there? Because they've always done it that way.
Why don't they go look for eggs in Sicily? Because they've never done it that way.
Now I really don't understand.
Why why don't you sell your mess hall's eggs for seven cents apiece instead of five cents apiece? Because my mess halls would have no need for me then.
Anyone can buy seven cents apiece eggs for seven cents apiece.
And at least this way I can make a bid for myself as a middle man.
What? So you do make a profit.
Ah, the syndicate benefits when I benefit because everybody has a share.
You'll see when we get to Palermo.
I thought you said we were going to Malta.
- Ah, Palermo first.
- [KNOCKING.]
You hear that, Orr? Tu vuo' fa' ll'americano Mericano, mericano Sient'a mme chi t' 'o ffa fa' Tu vuoi vivere alla moda Come on, fellas.
Let's go, guys.
Whisky and soda Po' te siente 'e disturba' [GOATS BLEATING.]
Tu abball' o' rocchenroll Tu giochi a baisiboll Ma e solde p' e' Ccamel [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Mericano, mericano Ma si' nato in Italy Sient' a mme, nun ce sta niente 'a fa' Ok, napulitan Tu vuo' fa' ll'american Tu vuo' fa' ll'american What's sindaco? Sindaco.
It means mayor.
I'm the mayor of Palermo.
YOSSARIAN: How? 'Cause I brought Scotch to Italy.
Well, since when do the Italians drink Scotch? They don't.
Scotch is very expensive.
These people are very poor.
Well, why are you importing it if nobody drinks it? To inflate the price.
MILO: Sicily's now the third largest exporter of Scotch in the world.
That's why they elected me mayor.
That's why they elected him mayor.
ORR: Good for you, Milo.
[BRASS BAND PLAYING.]
Oh, bello, bello.
Perfetto! Grazie.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Signor Minderbinder.
Signor Minderbinder.
Ah, Giuseppe.
Telefono.
This is M&M Enterprises.
This is Milo Minderbinder.
- Milo, ¿cómo estás? ¿Todo bien? - Uh-huh, Fernando.
FERNANDO: Eh, mi hermano.
Mira, tengo 200 cajas - de alcachofas.
- Okay.
FERNANDO: Si las quiere, pero ya tengo otro persona que las - quiere comprar.
- Yeah, we should.
FERNANDO: Asà que si no me lo puedes decir ahora We should absolutely do that.
FERNANDO: tengo que vendérselo a otra persona, no puedo dejar Okay, all right.
Give me, uh, four hours.
FERNANDO: Cuatro horas.
¿Seguro? Yeah, send my love to Marge and the kids, okay? FERNANDO: Está bien, se lo digo.
Artichokes.
Insane prices.
I have to act fast.
[GRUNTS.]
I'll be back.
Don't wait up for me.
[PLANE ENGINES APPROACHING.]
YOSSARIAN: About fucking time.
MILO: Hi, fellas! I'm so sorry! I had to meet the artichoke king.
He's in Gibraltar.
It's quite the hike.
Oh, we slept on goddamn deck chairs.
I can organize a massage in Malta.
Milo, what am I doing here? We gotta chop-chop now, boys! [GLEN MILLER'S "BEGIN THE BEGUINE".]
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you.
And, uh, we, um, welcome tonight a very special guest.
A very special friend.
And the first American in over 120 years to ever hold the title of Assistant Governor General of Malta.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Major Sir Milo Minderbinder.
[APPLAUSE.]
Hear! Thank you, Governor General.
And ladies and gentlemen, it is an absolute honor to be here tonight.
[APPLAUSE.]
MILO: These are a gift for the Caliph of Oran.
YOSSARIAN: What is Oran? MILO: It's a city in Algeria.
It was founded by the Moors in the 10th century.
ORR: Why are you giving the Caliph of Oran a plane full of parrots? MILO: Because it's customary for the Pasha of Oran to give gifts to the Caliph.
YOSSARIAN: And you're the Pasha of Oran? MILO: Oh, it's an honorary title.
You know how these things go.
It doesn't actually mean anything.
MILO: Ah, they're beautiful, aren't they? YOSSARIAN: What are you doing with them? Well, Oran is where I call in my favor.
Oran means one thing to me.
And that thing is dates.
Well, two things.
I'm thinking of taking out some oil leases, too.
But today it's all about dates.
- What dates? - MILO: Date dates.
The dates you eat.
They're a palm fruit.
Algerian dates are the best in the world, and this guy that we're going to see, the Caliph he has a lot of them.
And I mean a lot of them.
Okay.
Now, the thing with this guy is he's nervous.
Maybe it's an Arab thing.
Maybe he just wants a little show of respect.
The Arabs are an ancient people.
Ancient families doing business with other ancient families.
Things move slow.
I think the speed of American enterprise gives him the willies.
And I'm guessing he just wants to know that he's getting into business with some serious people.
So I told him I was bringing my friend with me today.
My friend being a wealthy American industrialist.
That wealthy American industrialist being you.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
MILO: Most high Caliph, it is so wonderful to see you again.
CALIPH: And you, too, good Milo.
You are always welcome in my house.
You have journeyed well.
- You look very good.
- I feel radiant, Your Majesty.
Perhaps it is the fragrant air of your magical country.
Perhaps it is, good Milo.
Perhaps you should find a way of bottling it to take home with you to America.
Indeed we should.
It would make my people very happy.
Your Highness, if you will, allow me to introduce you to a dear, dear friend.
Your Greatness, it's my pleasure to introduce to you a fantastically wealthy American industrialist from an ancient American family.
Mr.
Nelson D.
Rockefeller.
Mr.
Rockefeller, it is such a great honor.
I have heard so much about you.
And I you, great man.
Ah CALIPH: It is wonderful that you are here today.
Come.
MILO: Thank you, your greatness.
CALIPH: This war is a terrible nuisance, is it not? MILO: Oh, terrible.
Terrible nuisance.
- YOSSARIAN: It's terrible.
- ORR: Terrible.
Mr.
Rockefeller, your negotiations in the Mesopotamian Oil Agreement of 1938, I was most impressed.
- You're very tough.
- Yes, I am, Your Highness.
But fair.
The Sultan of Assur is a difficult man.
Your powers of persuasion must be formidable.
He was a tricky customer, but we got there eventually.
I think you'll find the Caliph to be not nearly so difficult.
But I am a skilled negotiator.
- I must warn you.
- As am I, Your Grace.
As am I.
CALIPH: Well, then, and what do you think the prospects of exploration in my country might be? Good.
Mm-hmm.
I think they'd be very good.
The Saharan Desert presents its problems.
Oh, Sahara.
God forbid, so hot.
My concern would be not so much the heat as the possibility of igneous layers over the shale deposits.
They're a problem, those igneous layers.
And how would you approach that? [INHALES.]
Technology.
And what technology? The latest technology.
CALIPH: And what, pray tell, is the latest technology? I don't know, Your Honor.
I'm a businessman.
I'm not an engineer.
[LAUGHS.]
CALIPH: You're an oil man, aren't you? Surely you know how your oil is extracted.
I don't I don't really Our most recent experiences with the igneous rock were more than adequately handled with the new diaphragm-operated bypass valve drill bit.
The regular drill bits have a baffle in the air-mixing chamber.
But the new ones have a self-sealing CCU strapped onto the electric centrifuge pump.
[RELAXING MUSIC PLAYING.]
My geologist.
Kid's a genius.
[PLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
MILO: I'm happy for you.
You flew your missions.
You did your part.
When do you get to go home? I'm not really gonna get to go home until this thing's done and dusted.
I mean, I'm not gonna go home the normal way.
The normal way? MILO: Well, I'm never gonna catch up to my mission quota.
Not at this rate.
You have a mission quota? Yeah, we all do, don't we? - Where's it at now? - 50.
How many have you flown? Six, five.
Five or six.
Wow.
When this is all over, we should go into business together.
- Well, back home? - Yeah, sure.
Back home, everywhere.
- And do what? - Buy things, sell things.
What, sell amphibious vehicles to the fishermen of Minnesota? Sell everything to everyone.
Tu vuo' fa' ll'americano Mericano, mericano Sient'a mme chi t' 'o ffa fa' Tu vuoi vivere alla moda Ma se bevi whisky and soda Po' te siente 'e disturba' Tu vuo' fa' ll'american Tu vuo' fa' ll'american Whisky and soda e rocchenroll Whisky and soda e rocchenroll Whisky and soda e rocchenroll [RENATO CAROSONE'S "TU VUO' FA' L'AMERICANO".]
YOSSARIAN: Colonel Korn, sir.
KORN: What can I do for you? YOSSARIAN: I was just checking in, sir, about my, uh my discharge papers.
Ah, yes.
It was, uh It was almost the next thing I was getting to.
- Oh, that's great, sir.
- This was Remind me, you were you were at 50 missions, huh? Correct, sir.
Oh.
Oh, that could be a problem.
Hmm.
Why would that be a problem, sir? Well, the missions were raised last night.
Didn't you hear? No.
Uh, sir, I was in Algeria, sir.
But but this was already these were already put Yeah, but the paperwork hasn't been processed yet, as apparently is the case in this instance.
My apologies.
And technically speaking, you haven't been discharged.
And if you haven't been discharged, then technically speaking, you're still on active duty.
And if you're still on active duty, then technically speaking, you still have to fly the number of missions required of you before you can be discharged.
And as of yesterday, that number is 55, my friend.
But I did everything right.
KORN: It's been such a busy week.
That really is terrible timing.
And, you know what? I sympathize.
I do.
But you know what? Think about it this way, right? Only five more to go.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
DUCKETT: What is it you're pretending is wrong this time? Hmm? I don't know.
Uh, nothing.
Well, did you manage to secretly fly all those missions? Yeah, actually, I did.
And then they raised them again.
[DUCKETT CHUCKLES.]
Well, you knew they would.
You expend a lot of energy, don't you? Apparently so.
Seems to me that you expend a lot of energy railing against things that you can't control.
And who says I can't control 'em? This is war.
It's a law of nature that war concentrates power in the hands of those most likely to abuse it.
Can't overcome that power while the war's still on.
You just gotta hope for it to end.
Oh, it's gonna end.
I just still wanna be alive when it does.
Or, maybe rather than simply hoping for it to end, you could just fly your missions.
Do whatever you can to end it yourself.
Maybe.
Or maybe you can mind your own business.
[LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[PLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
Yo-Yo.
- I wanted to ask you something.
- Oh, yeah? What's that? I'm gonna ask Clara to marry me.
- Nately - Well, what do you think? I think you're 24 years old, and she's a prostitute.
Yeah, so? I love her.
Doesn't that mean something? It means you're not thinking straight.
I've never felt clearer.
So you're gonna marry an Italian whore, you're gonna make a straight woman of her, and you're gonna drag her home to Connecticut? Connecticut? What the hell is the matter with you? No, this is all amazing.
Here.
The life is amazing.
Sex is amazing.
Italy is the greatest.
We're gonna win the war.
And then I'm gonna use the GI Bill to stay here, marry Clara, and open a restaurant.
You know how this works, don't you? You pay her money, and she doesn't love you.
Well, you weren't there.
What would you know? YOSSARIAN: Nothing.
Nothing.
NATELY: Oh, fuck, buddy.
You know, I was gonna ask you to be my best man and all.
Look at this thing.
You're 24.
She's a prostitute.
But she's a prostitute now.
She won't be once I've married her.
Dang, buddy, I am telling you something big here.
You're right.
This is great.
I'll be your best man.
I'm sorry.
I'm very happy for you.
Thank you.
[BOOMING.]
NEW MCWATT: How are we looking? - AARFY: Holding.
- NEW KID SAMPSON: Copy that.
NEW MCWATT: That's what you said a minute ago.
AARFY: Nothing's changed.
We're holding.
Hey, that's the river, though, right? Yeah, that's the river.
YOSSARIAN: So, is that the bridge? No, different bridge.
Well, how do you know we're talking about the same bridge? I'm talking about that bridge.
AARFY: I don't know what bridge you're talking about, but it's not the bridge I mean.
YOSSARIAN: But this is the river, right? I can't see any other bridges.
- 'Cause we're not there yet.
- YOSSARIAN: How far are we, goddamn it? - Close.
- YOSSARIAN: What? I said we're close.
Close to what? The river or the bridge? I'm seeing the river down there.
Come on, guys.
Keep it together up there.
Come again, Bouncin' Betty, over.
I'm seeing the river down there.
He ain't talking to you, Yo-Yo.
7344, approaching target, over.
YOSSARIAN: What's going on? Bouncin' Betty, do you read me? This is 7344 approaching target.
What's going on with Bouncin' Betty? NEW MCWATT: Bouncin' Betty's been hit! She's going down! Bouncin' Betty, that's Orr's plane, isn't it? Hey hey, Aarfy, Bouncin' Betty is Orr's plane.
Yossarian, are you on a steady heading? - We're approaching.
- Yes, I'm on a steady heading.
Um, is that the bridge? What's what's Orr saying? - NEW MCWATT: Who's Orr? - The Bouncin' Betty pilot.
He says both engines are out.
He's taking it over the water.
AARFY: Yossarian, what's your drift angle? Uh Uh, 12 degrees.
- You gonna correct that? - Yes, I'm gonna correct that.
- Affirmative.
- NEW MCWATT: That's affirmative.
What's affirmative? - He ain't talking to you, Yo-Yo! - I was talking to Bouncin' Betty.
They're gonna ditch.
Shit.
AARFY: Yossarian, that's the bridge.
Are you releasing? What? That's the bridge? AARFY: Yeah, that's the bridge.
That's the fucking bridge.
Fuck! - NEW KID SAMPSON: What happened? - He didn't drop the bombs.
He didn't drop the fucking bombs.
Yankee Doodle, did you miss your target and drop? PILOT: Yes, yes, drop.
God damn it.
- MAN: God, son of a bitch.
- PILOT: God damn it.
[BOOMING.]
Hey, did they hit the bridge? AARFY: Let's take a look.
[PLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
AARFY: They were following your lead, Yossarian.
They released too late.
Shit.
AARFY: Stunning work, Yossarian.
Stunning work.
Cathcart'll have us straight back up here tomorrow.
[PLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
Fuck.
- Turn us around.
- AARFY: What? YOSSARIAN: Turn us around.
We're going back.
- Oh, you gotta be kidding me, guys! - Back where? YOSSARIAN: Back to the target.
But what for? YOSSARIAN: To drop the bombs.
Are you serious? Look, I didn't release, and they all missed.
I'm really sorry, fellas.
Let's just blow the Christ out of this fucking bridge - and go home.
- Why don't we just go home? Because I'm not coming back up here tomorrow, all right? Motherfucker.
[PLANE ENGINES RUMBLING.]
This is Yankee Doodle.
We are, uh we're turning back to target and we'll catch up with you.
MAN: Roger that, Yankee Doodle.
Fly safe.
[PLANE ENGINES RUMBLING.]
[BOOMING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Christ.
God damn it.
AARFY: All right, holding at 4200.
Yossarian approaching quickly.
You got that? YOSSARIAN: I got it.
[CANNONS BOOMING.]
All right.
AARFY: Holding steady, 266.
Okay, holding steady.
Holding course.
Holy shit.
AARFY: 30 seconds to target.
YOSSARIAN: Holding.
Hold.
AARFY: Come on, Yo-Yo! Blast that bridge so we can get the fuck out of this shit! YOSSARIAN: Hold.
Hold.
Hold still, you fuck.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
And Release.
[BOOMING.]
And we're off.
All right, get us out of here.
[BOOMING.]
[BOOMING.]
[NATELY SCREAMING.]
AARFY: Jesus Christ, what the fuck was that? - NATELY: Yo-Yo! - Nately! - [NATELY SCREAMS.]
- Nately, are you okay? NATELY: Yo-Yo! No! [NATELY SCREAMING.]
[YOSSARIAN GRUNTING.]
Oh, fuck.
NATELY: Yo-Yo! Yo-Yo, throw me something! Oh! Nately! Hang on! Nately! Nately, hold on! Come on! Give me your hand! NATELY: Come on, I'm stuck! Yo-Yo, please! - Come on! - YOSSARIAN: God damn it! Yo-Yo, please! Hey, get me a rope! [RUMBLING.]
[GROANING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[WIND HOWLING.]
[WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN.]
- Good morning, Sue Anne.
Flirty, flirty eyes Will have to flirt with dollies that are real When I come home at night she will be waiting She'll be the truest doll in all this world - All right, thank you.
- Not a problem.
I'd rather have a paper doll To call my own Than have a fickle-minded real live girl DUCKETT: Doctor.
INVESTIGATOR: Can you tell us precisely what your fight with McWatt on the tarmac was about? Happiness.
INVESTIGATOR: Happiness? Your fight was about happiness? That was one of the themes, yes.
That's where it ended up, anyway.
INVESTIGATOR: Would you say that McWatt was disturbed? Yes.
INVESTIGATOR: And would you say he was mentally unwell? Sure, yeah.
Yeah, why not? INVESTIGATOR: Would you call him insane? Aren't we all? And would you say McWatt's insanity led to the death of Kid Sampson? Yes.
INVESTIGATOR: And would you agree the United States military is in no way responsible for McWatt's insanity that led to the death of Kid Sampson? I would say the United States military is entirely responsible for McWatt's insanity that led to the death of Kid Sampson.
KORN: Answer the question.
I just did.
INVESTIGATOR: Can you positively identify these to be the bodies of Lieutenants Sampson and McWatt? Positively? INVESTIGATOR: Simply yes or no will suffice.
Well, I can't really give you a simple yes or no.
I'm 20% positive that's Kid Sampson, and I'm I don't know 10% on McWatt.
INVESTIGATOR: I'll take that as a yes.
[TRUCK ENGINE RUMBLING.]
- DUCKETT: Thank you, bye.
- YOSSARIAN: Oh.
Hi, hi.
Uh, can I talk to you? Hi, sure.
So, I think maybe you and I are the only two sane people on this base.
Sane person? Here? Okay.
I can't take this anymore.
And I think I've figured out a way to get out of here, and I just wanna see how it registers on a sane person's face.
Wow, I'm I'm almost flattered.
So, as it stands, I still have 11 missions left to fly.
Cathcart'll raise the missions, clearly.
It's a behavioral pattern.
But I'm gonna do those 11 so fast in secret, he won't even know.
And I won't log them on the day.
I'll log them all at once after I've flown them, and then I'm gone before he even knows what happened.
So, just to get this straight, your your plan to get out of here is to fly all of the missions you're required to fly anyway? Yeah, that's my plan.
Just, really fast.
[ANITA O'DAY'S "MASSACHUSETTS".]
- Heya, fella.
- Hey.
What say I fly this one for you? - BOMBARDIER: Why? - I don't know.
I'm just itching to get up there.
BOMBARDIER: All right.
I'm gonna go swimming, then.
Appreciate it.
Take that to work.
All right.
And When the porter yells Massachusetts Bombs away.
All right, that's it.
We're done.
Pull up.
Homesick as can be, Massachusetts YOSSARIAN: Pull up harder, please.
Hey, uh, what's your name, again? BOBBY: Munster.
Bobby Munster.
Nice job, Bobby Munster.
How my heart will knock Massachusetts To see Plymouth Rock Massachusetts Want to roam around Massachusetts In Nantucket town Massachusetts You can't guess how much it means for me to be - YOSSARIAN: Bombs away.
- [CANNONS BOOMING.]
[BOMBS SHRIEKING.]
Hey, there he is, the king of the clouds.
YOSSARIAN: Hey, fellas.
New Kid Sampson, New McWatt.
John Yossarian.
John Yossarian.
Just like Jack and Jill Come on, you fuck.
- Release.
- Okay, take us out! Spread the news around I'm Massachusetts bound YOSSARIAN: Heya, boys.
Let's do it.
Release.
[PLANE ENGINE DRONING.]
As you walk to Lexing [SWITCH CLICKS, MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY.]
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
[EERIE SILENCE.]
[INSTRUMENTS CLICKING.]
[EERIE SILENCE.]
[INSTRUMENTS CLICKING.]
[EXHALES.]
[METALLIC CREAK.]
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[LEVER CLICKS.]
[EERIE SILENCE.]
[BOOMING.]
[GLENN MILLER'S "IN THE MOOD".]
Yes, that's it! That's it for me! I'm going home, fellas! You hear that? [GROANS.]
I'm going home.
- What's your name, again? - JOSEPH: Joseph, sir.
I'm going home, Joseph.
I won.
I won! - I hear someone's going home.
- Oh, you hear right.
- SMOKER: Go get 'em, Yo-Yo.
- I will.
[WHISTLING.]
Hi.
CLERK: Haven't seen you in a while.
- YOSSARIAN: Yeah.
- Been in the hospital again? I have not.
I have not, no.
I have been flying.
For your signing.
- You're giving me these all at once? - All at once.
There's 11 missions there.
- Count 'em.
- CLERK: Interesting way of doing it.
11 in a row.
I figure I'd save you a whole lot of work if, you know, I gave them to you all at once.
How thoughtful.
[YOSSARIAN WHISTLING.]
YOSSARIAN: A good day to you, Colonel.
This makes 50 missions, sir.
- Wait, you've flown - YOSSARIAN: 11 missions.
- 11 missions? - That's right, sir.
In six days.
KORN: That's not even possible.
That's 11 missions, sir.
YOSSARIAN: They're they're all stamped, sir.
Who gave you permission? I've just been making myself available, sir.
There's always somebody with the stomach bug or a headache or a hangover.
And I'm just doing what I can to help.
Just doing my bit.
This is highly irregular.
Yes, sir.
And when can I expect to receive my discharge papers, sir? Well, as soon as I've stamped your paperwork.
YOSSARIAN: Yes, sir.
Should I wait here? There's a process that proceeds the actual stamping - of the stamp.
- Yes, sir.
KORN: We'll notify you once that process - is complete.
- Thank you, sir.
- Is that sufficient? - YOSSARIAN: Thank you very much, sir.
You're welcome.
Uh-huh.
[GLENN MILLER'S "IN THE MOOD".]
YOSSARIAN: Yes! Hey, Yo-Yo! YOSSARIAN: What are you doing? We went down.
I was on a training run with these fellas.
Fellas, this is Yossarian.
Jump on, Yo-Yo.
We were we were looping out past Sardinia in the new B-25.
It's got a new Holley carburetor which cruises lean but the bypass valve is diaphragm-operated, which I did not know.
The old ones have a baffle in the air-mixing chamber and that's the one I'm used to, obviously.
But now there's this self-sealing CCU strapped on to the bomb bay, and the fuel gets transferred by an electric centrifuge pump.
And if you did not know that [MIMICS FARTING NOISE.]
You're not gonna prime it.
So Perfect belly landing.
And I learned something new for next time.
Well, I didn't know you'd gone.
But welcome back.
Oh give me land lots of land Under starry skies above Don't fence me in Let me ride through the wide open country that I love Don't fence me in Let me be by myself in the evening breeze Listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees Send me off forever but I ask you please Don't fence me in Just turn me loose Let me straddle my old saddle underneath the western skies On my Cayuse let me wander over yonder Till I see the mountains rise I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences Gaze at the moon till I lose my senses Can't look at hobbles and I can't stand Knock, knock.
How you doing, Yo-Yo? - Stupendous.
- Heard you went down yesterday.
- Sure did.
- Good for you.
I need to call in my favor.
What is it? MILO: I'm gonna go buy some things.
I need you to come with me.
- Where? - MILO: Everywhere.
- YOSSARIAN: When? - MILO: Gotta leave in an hour.
I can't.
I'm going home.
You're going home? I'm just waiting on a stamp, but - But, why do you need me? - MILO: Come on, it'll be fun.
It'll be like a vacation.
You won't have to lift anything heavy.
I promise.
Can I come? [PLANE ENGINES RUMBLING.]
MILO: Yeah, she handles nice, right? - ORR: I'm impressed.
- MILO: It's outstanding craftsmanship.
That's the Germans for you, though.
Every little detail.
Hey, look at this stitching.
Here.
Huh? This is high-quality leather.
You see this, Yossarian? Very high quality.
LORENZO: Milo Minderbinder, Milo Minderbinder, me ascolta? Hello, this is Milo Minderbinder.
LUCA: [RAMBLES IN ITALIAN.]
Ah, Luca.
How are you, my friend? Wait, slow down, Luca.
Slow down.
- LUCA: Sto parlando con le - Uh-huh.
- LUCA: Cinquecento animali! - Uh-huh.
LUCA: Queste la ferme.
Well, that was the agreement we had.
500 goats.
LUCA: Ha già iniziato a uccidere.
Tell him to hold his horses.
I'm actually I'm in the neighborhood.
I'll drop in.
No, just tell him not to slaughter.
No slaughter.
Don't kill the goats.
Tu vuo' fa' ll'americano Mericano, mericano Sient'a mme chi t' 'o ffa fa' Tu vuoi vivere alla moda Ma se bevi whisky and soda Po' te siente 'e disturba' [GOATS BLEATING.]
Mr.
Milo.
It's so wonderful to have you back.
Ciao Alessandro, che piacere vederti.
ALESSANDRO: [GRUNTS.]
Alessandro, I want you to meet two very, very good friends of mine.
This is John Yossarian.
- Hiya.
- ALESSANDRO: Hi.
And Ivor Orr.
My friends.
My friends.
[LAUGHS.]
Alessandro, we had an agreement.
Yes, yes.
But you said some goats.
You didn't say 500 goats.
500 goats is good, no? You can milk them.
No, no, Mr.
Milo.
We cannot feed them.
MILO: Don't they just eat grass? Let them eat the grass.
Oh, you don't understand goats.
[LAUGHS.]
ALESSANDRO: The grass is already gone.
And now they eat everything.
They eat things that are not even food.
Let me assure you, we are so thankful for everything you have done for us.
And this town has most surely been blessed by your generosity.
Very welcome.
But 500 goats, it's just too many goats.
[GOATS BLEATING.]
[PLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
MILO: It's amazing the demand you can create just by moving things around.
That's what I do with the eggs.
Now now, I don't understand what you do with the eggs.
You buy them for seven cents apiece in Malta then you sell them for five cents? I do it to make a profit.
Well, why do people come to Malta for eggs when they're so expensive, there? Because they've always done it that way.
Why don't they go look for eggs in Sicily? Because they've never done it that way.
Now I really don't understand.
Why why don't you sell your mess hall's eggs for seven cents apiece instead of five cents apiece? Because my mess halls would have no need for me then.
Anyone can buy seven cents apiece eggs for seven cents apiece.
And at least this way I can make a bid for myself as a middle man.
What? So you do make a profit.
Ah, the syndicate benefits when I benefit because everybody has a share.
You'll see when we get to Palermo.
I thought you said we were going to Malta.
- Ah, Palermo first.
- [KNOCKING.]
You hear that, Orr? Tu vuo' fa' ll'americano Mericano, mericano Sient'a mme chi t' 'o ffa fa' Tu vuoi vivere alla moda Come on, fellas.
Let's go, guys.
Whisky and soda Po' te siente 'e disturba' [GOATS BLEATING.]
Tu abball' o' rocchenroll Tu giochi a baisiboll Ma e solde p' e' Ccamel [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Mericano, mericano Ma si' nato in Italy Sient' a mme, nun ce sta niente 'a fa' Ok, napulitan Tu vuo' fa' ll'american Tu vuo' fa' ll'american What's sindaco? Sindaco.
It means mayor.
I'm the mayor of Palermo.
YOSSARIAN: How? 'Cause I brought Scotch to Italy.
Well, since when do the Italians drink Scotch? They don't.
Scotch is very expensive.
These people are very poor.
Well, why are you importing it if nobody drinks it? To inflate the price.
MILO: Sicily's now the third largest exporter of Scotch in the world.
That's why they elected me mayor.
That's why they elected him mayor.
ORR: Good for you, Milo.
[BRASS BAND PLAYING.]
Oh, bello, bello.
Perfetto! Grazie.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Signor Minderbinder.
Signor Minderbinder.
Ah, Giuseppe.
Telefono.
This is M&M Enterprises.
This is Milo Minderbinder.
- Milo, ¿cómo estás? ¿Todo bien? - Uh-huh, Fernando.
FERNANDO: Eh, mi hermano.
Mira, tengo 200 cajas - de alcachofas.
- Okay.
FERNANDO: Si las quiere, pero ya tengo otro persona que las - quiere comprar.
- Yeah, we should.
FERNANDO: Asà que si no me lo puedes decir ahora We should absolutely do that.
FERNANDO: tengo que vendérselo a otra persona, no puedo dejar Okay, all right.
Give me, uh, four hours.
FERNANDO: Cuatro horas.
¿Seguro? Yeah, send my love to Marge and the kids, okay? FERNANDO: Está bien, se lo digo.
Artichokes.
Insane prices.
I have to act fast.
[GRUNTS.]
I'll be back.
Don't wait up for me.
[PLANE ENGINES APPROACHING.]
YOSSARIAN: About fucking time.
MILO: Hi, fellas! I'm so sorry! I had to meet the artichoke king.
He's in Gibraltar.
It's quite the hike.
Oh, we slept on goddamn deck chairs.
I can organize a massage in Malta.
Milo, what am I doing here? We gotta chop-chop now, boys! [GLEN MILLER'S "BEGIN THE BEGUINE".]
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you.
And, uh, we, um, welcome tonight a very special guest.
A very special friend.
And the first American in over 120 years to ever hold the title of Assistant Governor General of Malta.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Major Sir Milo Minderbinder.
[APPLAUSE.]
Hear! Thank you, Governor General.
And ladies and gentlemen, it is an absolute honor to be here tonight.
[APPLAUSE.]
MILO: These are a gift for the Caliph of Oran.
YOSSARIAN: What is Oran? MILO: It's a city in Algeria.
It was founded by the Moors in the 10th century.
ORR: Why are you giving the Caliph of Oran a plane full of parrots? MILO: Because it's customary for the Pasha of Oran to give gifts to the Caliph.
YOSSARIAN: And you're the Pasha of Oran? MILO: Oh, it's an honorary title.
You know how these things go.
It doesn't actually mean anything.
MILO: Ah, they're beautiful, aren't they? YOSSARIAN: What are you doing with them? Well, Oran is where I call in my favor.
Oran means one thing to me.
And that thing is dates.
Well, two things.
I'm thinking of taking out some oil leases, too.
But today it's all about dates.
- What dates? - MILO: Date dates.
The dates you eat.
They're a palm fruit.
Algerian dates are the best in the world, and this guy that we're going to see, the Caliph he has a lot of them.
And I mean a lot of them.
Okay.
Now, the thing with this guy is he's nervous.
Maybe it's an Arab thing.
Maybe he just wants a little show of respect.
The Arabs are an ancient people.
Ancient families doing business with other ancient families.
Things move slow.
I think the speed of American enterprise gives him the willies.
And I'm guessing he just wants to know that he's getting into business with some serious people.
So I told him I was bringing my friend with me today.
My friend being a wealthy American industrialist.
That wealthy American industrialist being you.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
MILO: Most high Caliph, it is so wonderful to see you again.
CALIPH: And you, too, good Milo.
You are always welcome in my house.
You have journeyed well.
- You look very good.
- I feel radiant, Your Majesty.
Perhaps it is the fragrant air of your magical country.
Perhaps it is, good Milo.
Perhaps you should find a way of bottling it to take home with you to America.
Indeed we should.
It would make my people very happy.
Your Highness, if you will, allow me to introduce you to a dear, dear friend.
Your Greatness, it's my pleasure to introduce to you a fantastically wealthy American industrialist from an ancient American family.
Mr.
Nelson D.
Rockefeller.
Mr.
Rockefeller, it is such a great honor.
I have heard so much about you.
And I you, great man.
Ah CALIPH: It is wonderful that you are here today.
Come.
MILO: Thank you, your greatness.
CALIPH: This war is a terrible nuisance, is it not? MILO: Oh, terrible.
Terrible nuisance.
- YOSSARIAN: It's terrible.
- ORR: Terrible.
Mr.
Rockefeller, your negotiations in the Mesopotamian Oil Agreement of 1938, I was most impressed.
- You're very tough.
- Yes, I am, Your Highness.
But fair.
The Sultan of Assur is a difficult man.
Your powers of persuasion must be formidable.
He was a tricky customer, but we got there eventually.
I think you'll find the Caliph to be not nearly so difficult.
But I am a skilled negotiator.
- I must warn you.
- As am I, Your Grace.
As am I.
CALIPH: Well, then, and what do you think the prospects of exploration in my country might be? Good.
Mm-hmm.
I think they'd be very good.
The Saharan Desert presents its problems.
Oh, Sahara.
God forbid, so hot.
My concern would be not so much the heat as the possibility of igneous layers over the shale deposits.
They're a problem, those igneous layers.
And how would you approach that? [INHALES.]
Technology.
And what technology? The latest technology.
CALIPH: And what, pray tell, is the latest technology? I don't know, Your Honor.
I'm a businessman.
I'm not an engineer.
[LAUGHS.]
CALIPH: You're an oil man, aren't you? Surely you know how your oil is extracted.
I don't I don't really Our most recent experiences with the igneous rock were more than adequately handled with the new diaphragm-operated bypass valve drill bit.
The regular drill bits have a baffle in the air-mixing chamber.
But the new ones have a self-sealing CCU strapped onto the electric centrifuge pump.
[RELAXING MUSIC PLAYING.]
My geologist.
Kid's a genius.
[PLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
MILO: I'm happy for you.
You flew your missions.
You did your part.
When do you get to go home? I'm not really gonna get to go home until this thing's done and dusted.
I mean, I'm not gonna go home the normal way.
The normal way? MILO: Well, I'm never gonna catch up to my mission quota.
Not at this rate.
You have a mission quota? Yeah, we all do, don't we? - Where's it at now? - 50.
How many have you flown? Six, five.
Five or six.
Wow.
When this is all over, we should go into business together.
- Well, back home? - Yeah, sure.
Back home, everywhere.
- And do what? - Buy things, sell things.
What, sell amphibious vehicles to the fishermen of Minnesota? Sell everything to everyone.
Tu vuo' fa' ll'americano Mericano, mericano Sient'a mme chi t' 'o ffa fa' Tu vuoi vivere alla moda Ma se bevi whisky and soda Po' te siente 'e disturba' Tu vuo' fa' ll'american Tu vuo' fa' ll'american Whisky and soda e rocchenroll Whisky and soda e rocchenroll Whisky and soda e rocchenroll [RENATO CAROSONE'S "TU VUO' FA' L'AMERICANO".]
YOSSARIAN: Colonel Korn, sir.
KORN: What can I do for you? YOSSARIAN: I was just checking in, sir, about my, uh my discharge papers.
Ah, yes.
It was, uh It was almost the next thing I was getting to.
- Oh, that's great, sir.
- This was Remind me, you were you were at 50 missions, huh? Correct, sir.
Oh.
Oh, that could be a problem.
Hmm.
Why would that be a problem, sir? Well, the missions were raised last night.
Didn't you hear? No.
Uh, sir, I was in Algeria, sir.
But but this was already these were already put Yeah, but the paperwork hasn't been processed yet, as apparently is the case in this instance.
My apologies.
And technically speaking, you haven't been discharged.
And if you haven't been discharged, then technically speaking, you're still on active duty.
And if you're still on active duty, then technically speaking, you still have to fly the number of missions required of you before you can be discharged.
And as of yesterday, that number is 55, my friend.
But I did everything right.
KORN: It's been such a busy week.
That really is terrible timing.
And, you know what? I sympathize.
I do.
But you know what? Think about it this way, right? Only five more to go.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
DUCKETT: What is it you're pretending is wrong this time? Hmm? I don't know.
Uh, nothing.
Well, did you manage to secretly fly all those missions? Yeah, actually, I did.
And then they raised them again.
[DUCKETT CHUCKLES.]
Well, you knew they would.
You expend a lot of energy, don't you? Apparently so.
Seems to me that you expend a lot of energy railing against things that you can't control.
And who says I can't control 'em? This is war.
It's a law of nature that war concentrates power in the hands of those most likely to abuse it.
Can't overcome that power while the war's still on.
You just gotta hope for it to end.
Oh, it's gonna end.
I just still wanna be alive when it does.
Or, maybe rather than simply hoping for it to end, you could just fly your missions.
Do whatever you can to end it yourself.
Maybe.
Or maybe you can mind your own business.
[LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[PLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
Yo-Yo.
- I wanted to ask you something.
- Oh, yeah? What's that? I'm gonna ask Clara to marry me.
- Nately - Well, what do you think? I think you're 24 years old, and she's a prostitute.
Yeah, so? I love her.
Doesn't that mean something? It means you're not thinking straight.
I've never felt clearer.
So you're gonna marry an Italian whore, you're gonna make a straight woman of her, and you're gonna drag her home to Connecticut? Connecticut? What the hell is the matter with you? No, this is all amazing.
Here.
The life is amazing.
Sex is amazing.
Italy is the greatest.
We're gonna win the war.
And then I'm gonna use the GI Bill to stay here, marry Clara, and open a restaurant.
You know how this works, don't you? You pay her money, and she doesn't love you.
Well, you weren't there.
What would you know? YOSSARIAN: Nothing.
Nothing.
NATELY: Oh, fuck, buddy.
You know, I was gonna ask you to be my best man and all.
Look at this thing.
You're 24.
She's a prostitute.
But she's a prostitute now.
She won't be once I've married her.
Dang, buddy, I am telling you something big here.
You're right.
This is great.
I'll be your best man.
I'm sorry.
I'm very happy for you.
Thank you.
[BOOMING.]
NEW MCWATT: How are we looking? - AARFY: Holding.
- NEW KID SAMPSON: Copy that.
NEW MCWATT: That's what you said a minute ago.
AARFY: Nothing's changed.
We're holding.
Hey, that's the river, though, right? Yeah, that's the river.
YOSSARIAN: So, is that the bridge? No, different bridge.
Well, how do you know we're talking about the same bridge? I'm talking about that bridge.
AARFY: I don't know what bridge you're talking about, but it's not the bridge I mean.
YOSSARIAN: But this is the river, right? I can't see any other bridges.
- 'Cause we're not there yet.
- YOSSARIAN: How far are we, goddamn it? - Close.
- YOSSARIAN: What? I said we're close.
Close to what? The river or the bridge? I'm seeing the river down there.
Come on, guys.
Keep it together up there.
Come again, Bouncin' Betty, over.
I'm seeing the river down there.
He ain't talking to you, Yo-Yo.
7344, approaching target, over.
YOSSARIAN: What's going on? Bouncin' Betty, do you read me? This is 7344 approaching target.
What's going on with Bouncin' Betty? NEW MCWATT: Bouncin' Betty's been hit! She's going down! Bouncin' Betty, that's Orr's plane, isn't it? Hey hey, Aarfy, Bouncin' Betty is Orr's plane.
Yossarian, are you on a steady heading? - We're approaching.
- Yes, I'm on a steady heading.
Um, is that the bridge? What's what's Orr saying? - NEW MCWATT: Who's Orr? - The Bouncin' Betty pilot.
He says both engines are out.
He's taking it over the water.
AARFY: Yossarian, what's your drift angle? Uh Uh, 12 degrees.
- You gonna correct that? - Yes, I'm gonna correct that.
- Affirmative.
- NEW MCWATT: That's affirmative.
What's affirmative? - He ain't talking to you, Yo-Yo! - I was talking to Bouncin' Betty.
They're gonna ditch.
Shit.
AARFY: Yossarian, that's the bridge.
Are you releasing? What? That's the bridge? AARFY: Yeah, that's the bridge.
That's the fucking bridge.
Fuck! - NEW KID SAMPSON: What happened? - He didn't drop the bombs.
He didn't drop the fucking bombs.
Yankee Doodle, did you miss your target and drop? PILOT: Yes, yes, drop.
God damn it.
- MAN: God, son of a bitch.
- PILOT: God damn it.
[BOOMING.]
Hey, did they hit the bridge? AARFY: Let's take a look.
[PLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
AARFY: They were following your lead, Yossarian.
They released too late.
Shit.
AARFY: Stunning work, Yossarian.
Stunning work.
Cathcart'll have us straight back up here tomorrow.
[PLANE ENGINES ROARING.]
Fuck.
- Turn us around.
- AARFY: What? YOSSARIAN: Turn us around.
We're going back.
- Oh, you gotta be kidding me, guys! - Back where? YOSSARIAN: Back to the target.
But what for? YOSSARIAN: To drop the bombs.
Are you serious? Look, I didn't release, and they all missed.
I'm really sorry, fellas.
Let's just blow the Christ out of this fucking bridge - and go home.
- Why don't we just go home? Because I'm not coming back up here tomorrow, all right? Motherfucker.
[PLANE ENGINES RUMBLING.]
This is Yankee Doodle.
We are, uh we're turning back to target and we'll catch up with you.
MAN: Roger that, Yankee Doodle.
Fly safe.
[PLANE ENGINES RUMBLING.]
[BOOMING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Christ.
God damn it.
AARFY: All right, holding at 4200.
Yossarian approaching quickly.
You got that? YOSSARIAN: I got it.
[CANNONS BOOMING.]
All right.
AARFY: Holding steady, 266.
Okay, holding steady.
Holding course.
Holy shit.
AARFY: 30 seconds to target.
YOSSARIAN: Holding.
Hold.
AARFY: Come on, Yo-Yo! Blast that bridge so we can get the fuck out of this shit! YOSSARIAN: Hold.
Hold.
Hold still, you fuck.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
And Release.
[BOOMING.]
And we're off.
All right, get us out of here.
[BOOMING.]
[BOOMING.]
[NATELY SCREAMING.]
AARFY: Jesus Christ, what the fuck was that? - NATELY: Yo-Yo! - Nately! - [NATELY SCREAMS.]
- Nately, are you okay? NATELY: Yo-Yo! No! [NATELY SCREAMING.]
[YOSSARIAN GRUNTING.]
Oh, fuck.
NATELY: Yo-Yo! Yo-Yo, throw me something! Oh! Nately! Hang on! Nately! Nately, hold on! Come on! Give me your hand! NATELY: Come on, I'm stuck! Yo-Yo, please! - Come on! - YOSSARIAN: God damn it! Yo-Yo, please! Hey, get me a rope! [RUMBLING.]
[GROANING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[WIND HOWLING.]
[WOMAN SINGING IN ITALIAN.]