Celebrity Squares (2014) s01e06 Episode Script

Episode 6

(CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Hello, I'm Warwick Davis, and this is Celebrity Squares, the show with a galaxy of shining stars as seen on a hazy night with a very large telescope.
Let's meet them! He's the master of the one-liner, it's Tim Vine.
All the way from Albert Square, it's Nitin Ganatra.
He's hairy AND hilarious, it's Joe Wilkinson.
Mr and Mrs Showbiz, Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford.
C'est la Bea - that's right - it's comedian Aisling Bea.
She's got the X Factor, it's Sam Bailey.
I Lycett a lot - it's comedian Joe Lycett.
From The Last Leg, it's Alex Brooker.
And in the centre Square tonight, the chairman of our board, it's Bradley Walsh! What a great looking bunch! Hello, Squares! ALL: Hi, Warwick! Bradley, welcome, sir! Of course, we know you now for presenting the fantastic Chase! Thank you.
Yes.
Yeah.
(APPLAUSE) Now, you've done hundreds of episodes.
Yes, hundreds.
And it's a general knowledge quiz, so does any of it go in, Bradley? Not in the slightest.
Can I just say this? 20 years ago I was on Celebrity Squares, and I was in that seat! 20 years ago was where I started.
Hi, I'm Bradley Walsh! (LAUGHTER) Did you say quite as camply as that? To be fair, Joe, I would, yes.
Joe, think about it, you could be there, you could be THAT in 20 years.
I can't wait.
Ladies and gentlemen, Bradley Walsh! Thank you very much.
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Let's meet tonight's contestants.
For the Noughts, we have Heidi.
Hello, Squares! -ALL: Hi, Heidi! My name is Heidi, I'm 40 years old, I'm an early years professional and I come from Gloucestershire.
It's lovely to meet you, Heidi.
Thank you.
Heidi-hi.
Thank you.
Have you ever heard that before? Yes, just a few times.
Now, you're surrounded by youngsters all day in your profession, so you'll feel right at home here.
(LAUGHTER) Now, you've come up with some great ways to keep them entertained.
I like to dress up - obviously with the children.
(LAUGHTER) I've done the Gruffalo.
-Oh, yeah? I think that probably the best one was Shrek.
You did Shrek? -Yeah, I did a great Shrek with a green swimming cap, green face paint and the costume.
And made ears - you know, the little ears that Shrek has? I made those.
Yeah, I looked quite amazing.
Even if you do say so yourself? Even if I do say so.
Well, it's great to meet you.
Heidi, everyone! Now let's meet who you're facing tonight.
Representing the Crosses, we have Lee.
Welcome to the show, Lee! Hello, Squares! ALL: Hi, Lee! I'm Lee, I'm 29, and I'm assistant manager in a bingo hall from West Yorkshire.
You're the manager but you've climbed the ladder.
You used to be a bingo caller.
I did.
I started off as a bingo caller, 12 years ago.
Right.
And do you still remember any of the bingo lingo? I can still give it a bash.
-Right.
I happen to have some balls under my desk.
There! Here we go.
Squares, you've got bingo cards on your tables, if you like to get those out.
I ain't got a dauber! A what? It's called a dauber! I've got loads! A dauber? Joe's got one down there.
He's got daubers for everyone, look at him! Thank you.
What is that?! Oh, fantastic! I want these back! Right, OK.
They're two quid each.
(CHEERING) OK, ladies and gents, we're looking for the line, and your first number is Come on, son! .
.
lucky for some, number seven.
YES! (LAUGHTER) Five and two, 52.
-Oooh.
-Yeah, yes! Oh, wait a minute.
Go on.
Sweet 16.
Bingo! (LAUGHTER) You've already got a line? -Yeah, I filled the rest in, mate.
(LAUGHTER) That's it, Joe's won! (CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Joe, brilliant.
Oh, hold tight.
No, I actually wanna play.
We've got to play Noughts and Crosses now.
I'm sorry, no, I wanna play bingo.
What are you doing? Heidi, I'm gonna need your help to control this He's very badly behaved.
He is.
What would you do? Put him on the naughty step.
Would you get your Gruffalo out? I'd get - Hang on a minute.
(LAUGHTER) All right! All right! Please! Sorry! Sorry.
Good luck to you both.
Our contestants, everyone! So here's how it works.
It's a simple game of Noughts and Crosses.
Our contestants need three Squares in a row - either up and down, like this.
Across, like that.
Or diagonally, like this.
I'll ask our celebrities questions.
Our contestants need to work out if they're correct.
If the contestant makes the right decision, they'll take that Square.
If not, the Square goes to their opponent.
For each Square our contestants take, they'll win ?50.
Win a game, and there's a bonus of ?500 up for grabs.
That's the rules.
Let's start with Game One! Now, Lee, you won the coin toss backstage, so you get to go first.
Who would you like to start with? Joe Wilkinson, please.
Joe.
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Good start.
Good start.
How are you feeling today? Er Honestly, sexy with a touch of heartburn.
(LAUGHTER / APPLAUSE) But also confident.
-Here's your question.
According to research, what London tourist attraction featured the most on Instagram? Erm When I visit London, the first place I visit is the Hanger Lane gyratory.
If you don't know the Hanger Lane gyratory, it's a series of complex roundabouts.
But I'm not usually surrounded by crowds so if I throw a hat in the ring, I'm gonna say .
.
the Big Clock.
Which clock in particular? Yeah, London Clock.
You know, it's tall, pointy.
Big Ben, there we go.
Big Ben.
So Big Ben Joe reckons is most featured on Instagram.
Remember I'm incredibly thick.
Then I'm going to disagree.
I think it might be Buckingham Palace.
-You are wrong to disagree! It was Big Ben! So Nought gets the Square.
Heidi, your turn.
Erm, can I have Eamonn and Ruth, please? Eamonn and Ruth! (CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Now, we've got two of you in our Square.
How are you finding it? It's very cosy! It is! We're playing footsie under here.
Oh, lovely.
So you're a husband and wife team there, which is lovely.
Do you ever agree? Because that's important in this game.
Rarely.
-No.
Not really.
-Yeah.
Not really.
Not very often.
Do we? -No.
-Is that going to be a problem? You've agreed on the fact that you don't agree, so that might be a good start.
So who's gonna be the boss? Who's gonna make the final decision? That's a bit of a stupid question.
Yeah.
Why change the habit of a lifetime? (LAUGHTER) Here's your question.
According to a recent survey by Ergoflex UK, what does the average British single man change every three months? Single man? Yes, so the average single man.
Pants! That's why he's single! There are some grubby ones.
How do you know? -No, there are.
My research tells me! Actually, I think read a survey.
I think it's sheets.
I think it's bed linen.
Every three months is disgusting.
-That is disgusting.
-But I think it's true.
No? Is that average? Seems spot on! So Heidi, Eamonn and Ruth think bed sheets.
I think it's disgusting, but I agree.
You're right to agree! Nought gets the Square! Yes, so a little tip for you at home: Once they have the consistency of Ryvita, you should change them.
That is shocking! Lee, your turn.
Aisling Bea for the block.
Aisling for the block.
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE) It's good to have you Do you remember the show? No, I'm only 15, so I'm sorry.
But it seems like it was very good for you old people! Erm you must have had a great time! What did she say?! That's future me you're talking about! So Aisling, you know, obviously you're quite young, Looking around here and seeing some of these older comedians, are they inspirational to you? -No.
I'm joking, I'm joking, of course! Right.
Here's your question.
Aisling, what were Jelly Babies originally called in 1918? ErmWobbly Children! (LAUGHTER) What were Jelly Babies called? Oh, I don't know.
They did all sorts of crazy things in the past.
I know, Pastille Men! As in sort of fruity pastille? Fruity men, yeah.
Fruity men.
Is that answer? Pastille Men? Yeah, Pastille Men, I'd say.
Lee, you're fan of sweets? I'm a big fan, but I don't think that's right, so I'm gonna disagree.
-Oh, what?! You are right to disagree, Cross gets the Square! What were they called? The correct answer was Peace Babies.
What?! Yes, Peace Babies.
Peace Babies? Peace Babies.
Peace, babies! Right, Heidi, it's your turn.
-Can I have Bradley Walsh, please? -Go ahead.
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Here's your question, Bradley.
According to a survey by the Royal Horticultural Society, 22% of people admitted to throwing what over their neighbour's fence? Oh, that's tough, ain't it? Have you got neighbours or have they just moved out? Yes, they have moved out, yeah.
I know, I know.
You know? Oh, I know what it's got to be.
You can't confer with Ruth.
I know but Ruth isn't telling me, I've just thought what it could be! Haven't I, Ruth? Yes! Bradley.
What have I just thought of, Ruth? No, don't say.
I'm not.
I'm just doing thought transfer.
I know what it'll be! Is it like animal mess? Is it an animal mess? Do you mean poo? She's so common! (LAUGHTER) Yes.
Poo.
Right.
Heidi.
Do 22% of people throw poo over their fence? Not their own, I might add.
I'm going to disagree.
You're right to disagree! Nought gets the Square.
What was it? People throw snails over the fence.
Lee, your turn.
I'll go for Alex Booker for the block.
Alex.
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Now, you, of course, co-host The Last Leg, but you also did The Last Leg for the Paralympics.
You've been trying out some sports? Yeah.
We tried out sit-down skiing last series, and I was all up for it until I realised I couldn't hold the skis so they taped them to my hands and I kind of walked out on this slope looking like a crap Transformer.
I know it's all equality and that, but this isn't what I signed up for.
OK.
Here's your question.
A new study suggests that you can make children better behaved by doing what to their food? Oh, hang on.
Maybe it's like, when they do like a you know the little plane? Oh, yeah.
They try to feed you, and it's like I'm not the best person to demonstrate this, I realise that.
And then in.
Do a little aeroplane.
I'm going to disagree with that.
You're right to disagree! So Cross gets the Square.
The answer was: Cutting it up for them.
My kids will not eat their greens.
They're like: "Oh, Dad, chicken shouldn't be that colour!" (LAUGHTER) Heidi, your turn.
Can I go for Joe Lycett for the win? Joe Lycett.
Hi, Heidi! Hi, Joe! (CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Now, you're a stand-up comedian.
What has been your worst gig? I did a gig on a plane.
Last year.
Were you asked to? Or did you just stand up cos you were bored? -Unfortunately, I was asked to.
And it was so I thought they knew that they were getting comedy and they didn't.
It was just a load of businessmen on laptops, and it was so bad that some of the audience tried to walk out.
Now you also do impressions of Peter Dickson, who is the voiceover man from X Factor.
I didn't know how I discovered this, I think I was picking something up and I pulled my back as I was doing it and just went: "Ohhh!" Like that.
(LAUGHTER) Erm It's remarkable! Do you say any words, or just grunts? "Warwick Davis!" Like that, that sort of thing.
That's brilliant.
That is brilliant! So Joe, this is for the win, so no pressure.
Composer Gustav Mahler is a distant relative of which pop star? Oh.
Gustav Mahler, a distant relative? Well, technically we're all distant relatives of each other, so I'm gonna say all pop stars and then whatever the answer is, I'll be right.
I don't know.
I'm gonna go with Beyonce.
Beyonce? I'm going to disagree.
You're wrong to disagree! So Cross gets the Square.
The answer was Beyonce.
Did you know that? Yeah, I knew it.
I'm a massive fan of Beyonce! That's a fantastic answer.
Lee, your turn.
I'm gonna go with Tim Vine for the win.
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Go to Tim.
Now, you're a comedian.
Thank you.
(LAUGHTER) But, as well as that Yes.
.
.
you play drums, piano, guitar.
I did actually recently, I was playing the piano in the bar and this elephant walked in and as I was playing he started crying his eyes out.
I said: Do you recognise the tune? He said: No, I recognised the ivory.
(LAUGHTER) It didn't actually happen, ladies and gentlemen! Hit me! The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents has warned that every Christmas a few Brits break their arms doing what? Stuffing the turkey! They should wait till it's dead! OK, right.
So the question is I know the answer to this, because this actually happened to me and it's wrapping presents.
I struggle with presents so I'm going to agree with that.
You're wrong to agree, so Nought gets the Square! The answer was in fact pulling crackers.
Now, I, for one, know all about health and safety at Christmas.
That's why after I've put the fairy on top of the tree, I always wear a helmet when abseiling back down.
(LAUGHTER) Ah, thank you.
Heidi, your turn.
Erm, Nitin for the win, please.
Nitin Ganatra, star of EastEnders! (LAUGHTER) It's terrific! So are you enjoying it? Oh, it's fine, EastEnders is great, you know.
It's good, it's traumatic, full of a murder Heart-throbs! Heart-throbs? We had a discussion and I said he was a heart-throb.
Can we not believe that he's a heartthrob? (CHEERING) Thank you! He can't see it, but I see it.
She lives in Leicester, she says that to all the Asian guys.
(LAUGHTER) INDIAN ACCENT: She's practically speaking to me like this.
Nitin, here is your question.
What are cows commonly said to do when there is a storm brewing? Would do they do when there's a storm brewing? When there's a storm brewing.
Well, I'm no scientist, but Really? No! I may look like one! Don't they just lie down, I mean, where are they going to go? The local community centre? Play table tennis? They lie down - what they gonna do? So Heidi, do you agree or disagree? I agree.
You're right to agree! -Yeah! -Nought gets the Square and wins that game, plus a bonus of ?500.
Well done, Heidi.
Yes, when cows are cold they lie down, when they're hot they stand up, and when they're really hot - Mmm, tasty! Right, let's see your total so far.
Heidi has ?650.
And Lee has ?100.
Join us in part two when they'll be playing for more cash and one of them could win a mystery prize - I know! Be there are be Square! (CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Welcome back to Celebrity Squares - the show that attracts celebs like bin bags attract foxes.
Before the break, we met Heidi from Gloucestershire and Lee from West Yorkshire.
Now, Heidi, you have a strange yearly ritual.
I do.
Yes.
What do you do once a year? I prove to myself and my daughters that I can still do a handstand.
So every year, even though I'm getting older, each year I can still do it.
Talking about this reminds me, I don't think I've done mine for this year.
I better do it, just to check if I can still do it.
Bear with me a second, everyone! I need to prepare myself.
OK.
(MAKES GRUNTS) Tah-dah! (APPLAUSE) Thank you very much! I've still got it! Brilliant.
Now it's time for Game Two.
Which works just like Game One except hidden out there is a mystery Square.
If a contestant takes the Square then they win a prize related to that celebrity.
It's time to release the Squares! Now for you at home, here's who it is.
Lee, you're playing catch-up.
You choose first.
I'll go with Tim Vine, please.
Lee, here we go.
Right, Tim, according to British tradition, which direction should you pass the port at the dinner table? Well.
I do understand a lot about alcohol et cetera.
Tequila, Schnapps, Sambuca! I'm calling the shots! But I've read a lot about this, Lee.
I'm pretty sure it's right to left.
Right to left.
-Pretty sure.
So which way are you passing it? You've got it in your right hand So you pass it to the left, then, that's the direction.
From the right, yes.
The phrase is right to left, yeah.
From where you're looking at me -I am.
.
.
if you were holding the port Yes.
It's always You make a good point.
I don't know from whose perspective.
But from my point of view, it's right to left.
OK, Lee.
So I think we established Tim eventually said to the left.
Do you agree or disagree? I'm going to agree with him.
You're right to agree! It is to the left! Cross gets the Square.
OK, Heidi, your turn.
Can I have Sam Bailey, please? Yeah! Well done, Heidi.
You have found the mystery Square.
Sam, from under your desk, can you please reveal the prize Heidi will be playing for? It's pink! Get this right Heidi, and thanks to our friends at Lucky Voice, you can give your own X Factor performance with an ultimate karaoke kit, and then impress all of your pals on a VIP night out at one of their karaoke bars.
That's nice.
-It's very nice.
Yeah.
-Right.
Here's your question, Sam.
A gift of wood is usually given to celebrate which wedding anniversary? Well, when I first got married, the first year, I know it was paper cos my other half got me a newspaper from the year I was born, which I was pretty disappointed about cos that was years ago.
Made me feel a bit old.
It was a shame about the Titanic.
So I don't think it's one year, but I know it's quite early down, so I'm gonna go with two years.
Two years.
I'm gonna agree.
You're wrong to agree! The answer is five years, so Cross gets the Square.
The key to a long relationship is keeping things exciting in the bedroom - that's why I replaced the bed with a trap door.
Lee, your turn.
I'm gonna go for Joe Lycett, please.
Hi! -Right.
Here's your question.
The restaurant Eenmaal in Amsterdam claims to be the first restaurant with what rule? Sorry, Ean-maal?! Eenmaal.
I've gotta go to this restaurant.
Sounds fabulous! I can't believe they've called a place that.
Eenmaal, the rule is My parents went to Amsterdam recently and they went to a restaurant where it was pitch black, so I think it's the first restaurant where you have to eat in the dark.
ALL: Oooh.
That sounds very interesting and I'm gonna agree with him on that.
You're wrong to agree! So Nought gets the Square.
The answer is: Diners must eat on their own.
Right Heidi, your turn.
Can I have Bradley Walsh, please? Yes! Go, Heidi! C'mon mate! OK.
Pierce Brosnan was contractually forbidden to do what in any non-James Bond movie from 1995-2002? I know this 100%, and I tell you what it was.
Kiss a man on film, cos it would detract from the masculinity of James Bond.
So it's kiss a man! 100% nailed on.
Have no messing, love.
Trust me, I know the answer.
Right, Heidi, do you agree or disagree with that? Pierce Brosnan was not allowed to kiss another man.
I agree.
You're wrong to agree.
Cross gets the Square.
-No I'm sorry, I did a film with Pierce Brosnan and he wouldn't kiss me! (LAUGHTER) The answer was: To wear a full tuxedo.
Lee, your turn.
I'm gonna go for Aisling Bea for the win.
Aisling.
This is for the win now.
Which Hollywood star famously claimed to have tiger blood? Erm, which tiger Oh! II know this answer! Genuinely.
It's Charlie Sheen! During his trip to Crazy Town.
I knew this answer as well, so I'm gonna agree with that.
You're right to agree! Cross gets the Square, wins the game, and the bonus ?500! Well done, Lee! I've never had tiger blood, but back in the '70s, I briefly had tiger feet.
Let's have a look at your total so far.
Heidi, you're on ?650, and Lee, you've got ?700.
Now it's time for Game Three.
Called Square Essentials.
The Squares read statements about themselves.
Our contestants will decide if they think they're telling the truth or if they think they're telling a porky.
Now, Heidi, you're playing catch-up, so you go first.
Erm, can I have Joe Wilkinson, please? OK, Joe, let's hear your Square Essential.
This sounds like I'm showing off, but occasionally I eat gravy stock cubes.
I think you probably do.
I'm going to agree.
You're right to agree! Nought gets the Square.
Well done! So Joe, is there any particular flavour that you prefer? Yep.
Beef.
It's the one I'll eat - I'm not weird.
Just beef.
OK.
Lee, your turn.
I'll go with Alex Booker, please.
Thank you, Alex.
Louis Walsh once thought I was the lead singer from Mumford and Sons.
I'm gonna disagree with that.
You're wrong to disagree! Nought gets the Square.
So did you let him know he was wrong? We're doing Chatty Man, Jonathan Ross just came up to me and went: You'll never guess who Louis Walsh thinks you are.
Lead singer from Mumford and Sons! And I just thought to myself, what instrument does he think I play?! Right, Heidi, your turn.
Tim Vine, please.
At university, I once helped Steffi Graf get some money out of a broken vending machine.
I disagree.
You're right to disagree! Nought gets the Square.
The tennis player you're most likely to see at an ATM is Pat Cash.
Lee, your turn.
I'll go for Natinga What did you just called me?! I'm gonna go for Natin for the block, please.
Natin, now! Natin! Natin? -I'm gonna go for Nitin for the block.
OK, Nitin.
Thank you.
I was once part of a tap dancing group that broke the It's not funny.
I was! I was part of a group that broke the Guinness Book of Records for having the most tap dancers all dancing at the same time.
That's a tough one.
I'm going to disagree with that.
You're right to disagree.
Cross gets the Square and blocks the line.
I used to tap dance but I kept falling into the sink.
The old ones are the best.
Heidi, your turn.
Can I have Joe Lycett for the win, please? Hi! Hi, Joe! My least favourite word is 'rhythm'.
I'm gonna agree.
You're wrong to agree, so Cross gets that Square.
Joe, what is your least favourite word? I've got two least favourite words.
They're 'Katie' and 'Hopkins'.
(LAUGHTER / APPLAUSE) All right, Lee, your turn.
I'm gonna go for the lovely Sam Bailey, please.
Go on, Sam.
I once spent the day with Dustin Hoffman and he asked me to go bowling with him.
I think I've heard that somewhere before, so I'm going to agree with that.
You're right to agree, so Cross gets the Square.
Sam, tell us, how did this come about? Well, about two years ago when I was 15 (LAUGHTER) What? I was up in London and saw Dustin Hoffman with his two sons and there was like security there saying that we couldn't go and talk to him, so me being cocky and everything, went up to him and said: 'Ere, Dust, those security guards say we can't talk to you, and he went: You come with me.
We spent the whole day in Trocadero with him in London.
And he even rang my dad up, cos my dad didn't believe me, and I got to spend a day with him and he was a really nice guy.
How lovely! Right, Heidi.
Can I have Bradley Walsh, please? For the block.
Go on Heidi.
What do you want to know, love? You need give us your Square Essential.
Oh, yeah, right.
This is what my Square Essential is: I used to go around London impersonating Dustin Hoffman and getting people to come and go bowling with me.
I have a tattoo of a teddy bear on my ankle.
I don't think you do, I disagree.
You're right to disagree.
Nought gets the Square! Well done.
Right, Lee, your turn.
I'm gonna go with Aisling Bea for the win.
Here we go, Aisling.
Let's hear your Square Essential.
When I was a child I wanted to be a builder.
Interesting.
I'm gonna disagree, though.
You're wrong to disagree.
Lee! So that Square is back in play as you have to take the deciding Square for yourself.
OK, Heidi, your turn.
Can I have Aisling Bing for the wee, please.
Bing for the wee? Yes.
I was once a tour guide on a stud farm.
I'm gonna agree.
You're right to agree.
Nought gets the Square and the game.
Plus the bonus of ?500.
Well done.
Let's have a look at your total so far.
Heidi has ?1.
350.
and Lee has ?800.
Join us in part three when there's more cash up for grabs and somebody could win a fantastic holiday.
Be there and be Square.
Oh, yeah.
(APPLAUSE) Welcome back to Celebrity Squares - the show that neatly stacks its celebs to save space.
So, Squares, how are you doing? ALL: Hi, Warwick! Lovely! So, Sam Bailey.
Hello! Now you're a pop star, of course, huge success as the winner of the X Factor.
How different is your life now than it was being a prison officer? Well, obviously I'm noticed a lot more now, but there're still some dodgy characters like in prison, out in the pop star world, yeah.
Definitely.
So can you see a dodgy character just by looking at them? Erm yeah yeah.
Stop looking at me, seriously.
What's dodgy about him? I think it's the beard, just covers up that naughtiness, I think.
-Yeah.
-It's covering his chin.
If he were to have a naughty chin, then I suppose it does! That's why I shaved mine off.
Keep all that naughty in! OK.
Now it's time for Game Four.
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Which we call Square Miles.
We have another hidden mystery Square.
If a contestant finds it they could win a fabulous holiday to this destination.
Courtesy of our friends at British Airways holidays, you could be visiting Rossio Square in charming Lisbon, where you'll experience the contemporary culture and Mediterranean climate of Portugal's capital during your stay at the Corinthia Hotel.
Right, now it's time to release the Squares! Now, for you at home, here is the mystery Square.
Lee, you're playing catch-up, so you go first.
I'll go with Eamonn and Ruth, please.
Yay! (APPLAUSE) Well done, Lee.
You found the mystery Square.
So if you take this Square, then you'll be going on holiday to Lisbon.
How do you feel about that? That'd be amazing! OK, good luck, Lee.
Daniel Radcliffe went through 160 what by the end of the Harry Potter series? Right, so Well, it could be wands! Broomsticks.
Broomsticks because they played a lot of What is that game? -Quidditch.
-Quidditch.
There's a lot banging and shoving -Wands, wands, wands -I said wands.
Did you? Yeah.
You didn't.
I did say wands.
Did I say wands?! He never listens to me, never.
There may be a good reason for that, darling.
I don't think it's wands.
No, it might be wands.
No, I think it's broomsticks.
Glasses? It's not glasses.
Not 160 pairs, is it?! Well, it's either wands or glasses.
We need an answer from you, guys! I'm just thinking here He grew up a lot in that time and his glasses would change, his head would change in size Go on then.
Let's go glasses.
We can't decide on the other two.
Wands.
No, no! (LAUGHTER) Right, glasses.
Glasses! Glasses, glasses, glasses.
Glasses, Lee.
I thought glasses, so I agree.
-You're right to agree.
Cross gets the Square! And you also win the holiday! Yes! Well done.
Right, your turn, Heidi.
Can I have Nitin Ganatra, please.
Here we go, Nitin.
The film One Chance, starring James Corden, is based on the life of which TV talent show winner? Oh.
UmI haven't seen it.
But I remember reading about it.
UmI don't know.
What are you saying here, sir? Er (SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE) (LAUGHTER / APPLAUSE) Leona Lewis.
So that's your answer.
It'll have to be right now.
OK.
Nitin thinks Leona Lewis.
I think it's Paul Potts, so I'm gonna disagree.
You're right to disagree.
Nought gets the Square! Paul Potts used to work in a mobile phone shop.
After winning Britain's Got Talent, he signed a 12-month contract tying him up to two albums, 500 free texts and unlimited Wi-Fi.
Lee.
Erm.
I'll go for Alex Booker, please.
Alex.
The word 'Jenga' comes from the Swahili meaning what? Oh, I don't know.
It'll be something like "collapse" maybe? Cos all the bricks fall down in the end.
Maybe 'collapse'? Go for 'collapse'.
Do that.
That makes sense, so I'm going to agree.
You're wrong to agree, so Nought gets the Square.
No, it actually means 'to build'.
Heidi? -Can I have Tim Vine, please? -Of course, you can, Heidi.
Tim, in a 2012 study, what was voted Britain's favourite smell? Ah Now then My favourite smell is that air freshener I have in my car which makes the place smell like a pine tree.
A lovely pine tree smell.
And one time I remember, I climbed a pine tree and there was a squirrel who had an air freshener that smelled like a Renault Megan.
(LAUGHTER) But I've asked a few different people about this and let's be honest - what is the smell the makes you feel better beyond any other smell, and it's the smell of Sunday roast.
And that's what I think.
Even the audience went, "Oh, yeah!" Sunday roast.
-Sunday roast.
I don't think that was number one, I'm gonna disagree.
You're right to disagree.
Nought gets the Square! Britain's favourite smell was cut grass.
Also in the list were hairspray and leather, two of the many smells you find coming from Eamonn and Ruth's dressing room.
Lee, your turn.
I'm gonna go for Joe Wilkinson for the block, please.
If it's raining, which is generally thought to keep you drier: running or walking home? Erm well, if it's raining, the way I personally stay the driest if it's raining is I take all my clothes off and I put them in a bin bag and then run home nude.
But I think you run because that walking thing is a myth.
I've heard this before but I can't remember the right answer.
Nor can I.
But I'm gonna disagree.
You're wrong to disagree, it is running, so that Square is back in play.
Right, Heidi, your turn.
Can I have Joe Lycett for the win, please? According to a recent survey, what percentage of Brits admit to holidaying with an ex - 9% or 39%? -Ahh.
Holidaying with an ex.
That's interesting.
I went on holiday with an ex, but he said apparently, looking through the window with binoculars isn't holidaying together, apparently.
I don't think that many, you know? I'm gonna go with 9%.
I'm gonna disagree.
You're right to disagree.
The answer is 39%.
Nought gets the Square, wins that game and the bonus of ?500.
Well done! Let's have a look at your total so far.
Heidi, you've won ?2.
000.
and Lee, you've got ?850.
(CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Right, it's time for Game Five! The Double Square game.
We're doubling the money for every Square won, they're now worth ?100 each, and for winning the game, there is a bonus of ?1.
000.
But, be aware, this is a quick-fire game, so if you hear this sound (KLAXON) the game is over.
And the contestant with the most Squares on the board will win the game and the bonus of ?1.
000.
Lee, you're playing catch-up, so you go first.
I'll go with Alex Booker, please.
Good choice, Lee.
Alex, a UK theme park recently beat the world record for the most number of visitors wearing what? I don't know, like, I went to Alton Towers a few years ago and kept seeing people wearing beer hats.
Beer hats, Lee! Let's get back into this.
I'm going to agree - why not? You're wrong to agree.
The answer was onesies! So Nought gets the Square.
Heidi, your turn.
Can I have Joe Lycett, please? Hi, Heidi! Hi, Joe! Joe, what am I? I was co-created by Alberto Perlman, and over 14 million people across the world do me each week? (LAUGHTER) What a life you're living, Warwick! Alberto Perlman sounds exotic, doesn't it? -I'm gonna go with I saw Eamonn and Ruth doing some before the show, Jagerbombs.
I'm gonna agree.
You're wrong to agree! The answer is Zumba.
So Cross gets the Square.
Zumba - a fitness craze designed for cool, vibrant young people, and enjoyed exclusively by middle-aged mums.
Lee, your turn.
I'll go for Sam Bailey, please.
Sam, a recent Benenden Health survey found that men were most anxious about what part of their body? (SNIGGERS) Why do I get this question? I wanna say it, but OK.
Can I say it? If you want.
Their winky.
That's sweet.
Their winky?! Lee, are you anxious about your - Oh, never mind! Sam thinks men are anxious about their winkies.
I'm not anxious about mine so I disagree.
You're right to disagree.
Cross gets the Square.
The answer is belly! Right, Heidi your turn.
(KLAXON) Oh, the klaxon means it's the end of the game, so Lee, you've won the most of the Squares on the board, which means you get the bonus of ?1.
000.
Right, let's reveal the contestant with the most cash who's going through to our final.
It's very close, Lee has ?1.
950.
But just pipped the post by Heidi, who's won ?2.
000! Congratulations, Heidi, you're going to our final game.
Well done! Lee, we have to say goodbye to you.
Have you had fun? I've had fantastic time, yes.
Now you're taking home ?1.
950.
plus a holiday to Lisbon! Wow.
That's amazing! So enjoy.
Lee, everyone! (CHEERING / APPLAUSE) Join us in part four when Heidi could walk away with that ?20.
000 jackpot.
Don't you go anywhere! Welcome back to Celebrity Squares.
Heidi has made it through to our final game, Question Line.
Congratulations, Heidi.
How do you feel? Terrified.
And have you thought about how you might spend your winnings? Yes.
We'd like to take the children to Australia.
One of my best friends has been there for 15 years.
She's Godmother to the children, and she's come to see us several times, but we've never gone.
Oh.
That's lovely.
That's lovely.
Who's cheering you on the audience? I've got my husband Dave.
There he is.
Great.
He's rooting for you, so are we, so the best of luck! It's now time to play Question Line.
OK, here's your line of questioning.
You have Nitin Ganatra, Bradley Walsh and Sam Bailey.
And here are their subjects: So which category would you like? None of them.
ErmWorld Cup 2014, no, no, no.
So ditch that one.
Yeah.
Charts and London Oh Probably London, I think.
So you're going for London? I think we'll go for London.
Yeah.
Right.
Why did you go for that in the end? I don't know much about the other two.
OK.
So I hope London might be something that I know.
All right, then.
Good luck, Heidi! Thank you.
Here we go.
Nitin plays the role of Masood Ahmed in EastEnders, a character that lives in the fictional London borough of Walford.
I need you to name real London boroughs.
It needs to be the full name of the borough.
Now, you've 30 seconds to light up as many Squares as possible.
Each lit Square will win you ?1.
000.
Light all nine Squares, and you'll take home that ?20.
000 jackpot.
Now, as a reminder, you have to wait for me to say yes or no before you move onto your next answer.
You ready? Yes.
Your time starts now.
Whitehall.
No.
ErmSouthwark? -Yes.
Erm -Think of the alphabet.
Starts with the letter A.
Thanks.
Erm Trafalgar.
-No.
-Mayfair.
(KLAXON) -No.
(APPLAUSE) Oh.
What a shame.
Well, Heidi, you managed to light one Square, which wins you ?1.
000.
Here's some you could have had: Barnet, Bexley, Brent, Hounslow, Islington, Westminster, Tower Hamlets.
Nope.
Nitin, can you name a few? Haringey, Hackney Not to worry.
We'll add that ?1.
000 to the money you've already won, which gives you a grand total of ?3.
000! Well done.
That's it for tonight.
Thanks to Heidi, our Celebrity Squares! Thank you, Squares! And, of course, to you at home for watching.
We'll see you next time.
Goodnight!