Chad (2021) s01e08 Episode Script



Informal polling in the election
has you way ahead of Vicki J.
Yeah, but Vicki J
has support of the jocks.
You have the choral group.
Choral group isn't the jocks.
Ma'am, does this go any faster?
You You could really just crank it.
- Okay.

Can we start our day now?
PETER: I'm telling you,
I think you're gonna win.
Let's just hand out
more buttons at lunch.
And I should probably make
an appearance at drama club.
Can you please stop talking
about the presidential campaign?
I'm really not enjoying this, you guys.
Chad, what's it to you?
You're not even helping.
Yeah, but I have to listen
about it all the damn time.
And, honestly, the psychic toll
has been enormous.
Well, election day is tomorrow,
and we have to finish strong.
Which reminds me,
am I still coming over
to make election-day posters tonight?
Yep. I just got a fresh set of markers.
And just for the record,
I will not be there.
Thanks for the support, Chad.
- Nope.
- Mm?
She's taking advantage of you, dawg.
[SCOFFS] What do you mean?
I like helping Denise.
Yeah, that's what
she wants you to think.
She's got you programmed
into her little system.
Haven't you ever seen "The Matrix"?
Are you kidding me?
Dude, they got you, too?
- Oh.
- Aw, dude.
- Oh, my.
- What's going on?
It's punk-a-hunk week.
All week long, the
cheerleaders prank the lockers
of the boys they like.
Oh, wow.
I love little traditions.
I bet it was Nina.
[LAUGHS] Shut up. This is annoying.
Dang, man, Reid. [LAUGHS]
Reid's locker got punked herrd.
It's so funny the cheerleaders
all, like, want to hook up
with you or something.
It's like a panty.
Uh, y-yeah, I guess.
- Cool, dude. Sloppy salmon.
- Aah! Aah!
- Sloppy salmon.
- Stop.
- Sloppy sa
- Hey, hey, hey. Stop, stop!
I'm sorry to have a tone with you,
but it's just clear
you don't take hints.
Not totally sure
where that's coming from.
Uh, I'm talking to
my therapist a lot, and
I've been trying to be
really nice to you all year,
but I think I need
to set a healthy boundary.
I think that goes for all of us.
Okay, I understand.
But I actually do need
to get to my locker,
and it's right behind you.
Hello. Gentlemen.
BOY: What's up, Pete?

So cool.
[CHUCKLES] Something's really funny?
What? No. I'm talking to Avery.
Do you want to try to
connect with your brother
for a couple minutes, sweetie pie?
I'm good.
Niki, I'm gonna be really vulnerable.
Can you put down your damn phone?
'Cause I'm depressed, and I need
a little bit of love right now.
Okay, Chad, what's going on?
You're acting really weird.
Yeah, because I have
no one to hang out with,
and it's freaking depressing.
I-I used to be Reid's right-hand guy.
Him and all his tall friends
were giving me all this attention
and not forgetting my name.
We were like family.
Now our vibe just feels so broken.
Okay, I'm gonna go ahead
and skip over a lot
of what you just said
Okay, lazy and point out the fact
that Reid was never really your friend.
Your true friend is Peter.
Why don't you go call him?
'Cause he's helping Denise
with her freakin'
Presidential campaign.
Plus, she doesn't even deserve this.
She's bossing him around all the time
and taking advantage of how nice he is.
That's ironic coming from you.
Just tell me what to do, Niki.
Chad, go be a good friend
and help them with the campaign.
That way, you get to
hang out with Peter,
who you really care about.
I do care about
that little son of a bitch.
You're right.
Thanks for the advice, Niki.
You know, it's times like this
I'm really hopeful for your future.

Peter! Peter!
Ch-Chad, what are you doing here?
Ah! Oh, my ow!
Chad, Chad, wait.
CHAD: What did I even see back there?
Am I losing my mind?!
Denise and I were kissing.
Oh, God, I'm gonna vom.
Chad, I didn't mean for
you to find out this way.
But Denise and I have
been dating for a bit now.
Betrayal! Ugh!
Wait, so when me and you went
to Reid's family vacation home,
you were dating Denise?
What about when we played
"Call of Duty" at Best Buy,
and I puked from eating
too many Sour Patch Kids?
- Yep.
And the second time that happened?
- Peter!
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
But we were just waiting
for the right time,
because, you know
'Cause what?
Say it.
I know you have me,
but outside of that, you're kind of
You're talking about
you're saying me?
Is it even possible
to be alone nowadays
with all this damn technology?
- Are you okay?
- Are you crazy?
Me? Alone?
Give me my phone back.
How could you say that?
I was worried about you
being alone, actually, Peter.
- Yeah.
- Um
I have girls and guys
hitting me up on my DMs
- Wow.
- and it's been out-of-control fun.
- Really?
- Yeah.
And I'm engaging
with all the girl ones.
Wow, that that's amazing, Chad.
Th This has just been
a huge relief for me.
I For some reason, I thought
you were gonna be kind of angry.
I'm not angry.
Can you imagine?
Would I do that if I was angry?
I actually have to get going
'cause one of the cheerleaders
is gonna punk-a-hunk my locker
Oh, well so gotta work on
getting her off my junk, but
- Wow. Cool.
- See you later.
Okay. See ya.

- Aah!
Scared me.



Denise: Oh, hey, Chad.
Hey, guys. Can't talk right now.
Busy day today.
Okay, have a good day, buddy.
What's up? Hello, ladies.
Uh, oh, no.
Why is everyone
standing around my locker?
Oh, dang! I got punk-a-hunked.
[LAUGHING] Oh, my gosh.
This is so embarrassing.
Wonder which cheerleader
has a c-crush on me.
Awkward. Was it you?
Dude, this definitely
isn't a punk-a-hunk.
Punk-a-hunk's a beautiful tradition.
Oh, my God. It's a rat.
- It's a freaking dead rat.
- Oh!
I don't think the rat was
probably not a part of it.
Ah, I don't know, man.
This feels pretty targeted.
I mean, the one Middle Eastern kid?
Guys, I feel like we're all
just, like, really losing
a grasp on the fact that
this is punk-a-hunk week.
So screwed up.
Chad, I don't think this is
one of the cheerleaders.
Yeah, we do it for, like,
the hunks or whatever,
not, like, some random kid
in school that nobody knows.
So we've established nobody
did this because they like Chad.
So the question is,
who did the hate crime?
The what?
A hate crime.
I mean, we all hate crime,
but I don't
- I don't think that's it.
- No, no, no, dude.
A hate crime
is when someone's mean to you
'cause you're, like, different,
which you are.
Guys, let's not limit this
to one person that hates Chad.
Like, this could be a whole conspiracy.
Think we should approach everything
with patience right now.
The words are kind of flying right now.
I think we just all need
to slow down a little bit.
Dude, Chad got a hate-crime!
I just asked you literally
not to do that.
You guys, I'm just a little hunk
that got punked.
called your family in
to discuss today's incident.
Oh, let's call it what it is
a heinous crime against humanity.
Obviously, this school has
a zero-tolerance policy
against prejudice.
We do have some security-cam
footage of the locker area.
And we'd like to play it for you to see
if you recognize the perpetrator.
Let's watch.
Do you recognize him?
Nope. No.
Um, honestly, I-I think maybe
it it could be a girl.
You know, the cheerleaders
are all punking the lockers
of guys they have a crush on.
No, no, that's not it.
Look at the body language.
This person is dead inside.
- Mm.
- He's deranged.
- To think, this person has a mother.
Um, I'm sure his mother's
gonna bounce back
and not let this define her,
'cause moms are very strong,
according to society.
Oh, dang. No more angles.
[EXHALES] We did our best.
But at this point, I think
if we keep talking about it,
the terrorists win.
Chad, I promise you,
we will stop at nothing
to find this perpetrator
and punish him
to the full extent of the law.
Tha That's exactly
what I needed to hear right now.

PETER: Oh, hey, Chad.
Uh, hey, Peter, can I have
a word with you real quick?
Denise: Oh, my God, Chad.
I want you to know,
as a fellow person of color,
I'm here for you,
with or without your vote.
Please, take a cupcake.
Oh, um, okay. Thanks.
I really appreciate
your wokeness, Denise.
Peter, if I can just talk
to you a-alone, if possible?
Oh, uh, is that okay, baby?
Chad, is everything okay?
I've been worried for you.
Peter, I have to tell you something,
but you promise not to freak out, okay?
I punk-a-hunked my own locker
and now everybody thinks
it's a hate crime
and I don't know what to do
and I'm probably gonna go to prison,
and you know people in prison
are gonna tease my ass.
I-I'm confused.
Why did you punk-a-hunk
your own locker?
You told me one of the cheerleaders
was going to do that.
Oh, Peter, you're such a damn innocent.
You are not gonna believe
this about me,
but I am a liar.
Okay, I lie constantly,
and I lied about this
and I'm probably gonna lie
to get out of it.
But why?
Because I was teed off
about you and Denise.
What? Chad, my relationship with Denise
has nothing to do with you.
I love her.
Oh, you love her? You love her?
What What are you,
a Goddamn middle-aged man?
How could you do this to me?
You stabbed me in the back, man.
You, of all people.
If it wasn't for
your canoodling with her,
none of this would've happened to me.
Wow. Um
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Good luck with your hate crime, Chad.
I gotta get back to Denise.

Aw, crap.
You can use my pencil if you want.
But it's your pencil.
Or you can use mine, Chad.
- It's mechanical.
- You guys, it's okay.
I don't even know
how to solve this problem.
[LAUGHS] You're so funny.
Yeah, you're, like, hilarious.
I can't believe we haven't
hung out before.
What the dick is happening?
Chad, man, what was it like
when you realized
you had got hate-crimed?
I-I'm not gonna lie.
It severely knocked me on my ass.
Some people in this world
have a lot of dumbass hatred
in their heart.
You know, in some ways, a piece of me
will always be in that locker area,
and I'll always be left there,
being hate-crimed.
Yo, anytime somebody
talks about White privilege,
I'd usually make fun of them,
but then I realized
I'm a part of the problem.
And the messed-up part is,
is that I'm frickin' Italian.
You know, so if this was,
like, the Titanic days,
people wouldn't even consider me White.
I think I speak for everyone
in this room
when I say I'm so damn happy
you were not on the Titanic.
Racism just deadass sucks.
I feel terrible for all the ways
that I haven't supported you
in the past.
So from this moment on,
I'm just gonna be
a complete homey to you.
Do you forgive me?
It would be my honor to
let you make this up to me.
I really do forgive you.
Just don't let it happen again.
Okay? I'm serious.
- You said that.
- What did I say?
I just remember really feeling
like I could relate to it.
Chad, a word, please.
Uh, sure.
I'll meet you guys at the gym.
Capture that flag, son.
Denise, this better be worth it.
For a victim of a hate crime
this morning,
you sure seem to be enjoying it.
I'm sorry, Denise,
are you blaming the victim?
I'm just saying you're playing
the victim card pretty hard.
So let me get this straight.
You think I'm faking something
to get sympathy from everyone.
Where'd you get that idea, a mirror?
What did you tell Peter earlier?
- Nothing.
- Really?
Because he's been acting weird all day.
He's a weird kid, Denise.
I don't know what to tell you.
I think Peter knows something,
and I'm gonna get it out of him.
Go ahead. Be my guest.
I'm gonna eat you alive, Denise,
and I'm gonna spit you out,
and I'm gonna feed your body to Peter.

- Whoo!
- Chad. What's up?
- Chad!
- Chad!

Uh, hello?
Where is everybody?
REID: Hey, dude.
How you feeling after yesterday?
Hey, we'll never forget what happened.
Denise didn't say anything to you?
Nah, man. About what?
Yeah, never mind.
Well, I should probably get to class.
Oh, uh, hey, you forgot something.
Sloppy salmon!
[LAUGHING] Oh, man!
Oh, God, I love it!
It's so funny!
[VOICE MORPHING] I know what you did.
Soon, everyone will know the truth.
No. Please.
Please, Reid, don't do this.
It's all gonna end soon.
Please, I'm scared.
Chad. Chad.
Jesus Christ.
Told you about the off-brand.
Having trouble sleeping?
Yeah, me, too.
Y-Yeah, I just had
a little night terror.
Ugh. Oh, honey, it's been a rough day.
Hey, Mom, quick question.
what's your stance on me,
like, in general?
Do you pretty much feel like you
have unconditional love for me,
or could that ever change
if I effed up really hard?
None of this is your fault.
You know, I really believe
everything happens for a reason.
Maybe we'll find out
what that reason is.
Come here, honey.


Hey, Chad. Saved you a seat.

Chad, what's up, dude? How you feeling?
You know, like, all things considered?
Ready for this dumb election
to be over.
Alright, let's hear it for
the Flying Fish marching band!
Before I announce the results,
we had a very serious case of vandalism
directed at one of our most
ethnic students.
It broke me.
But I'll tell you what I love
about this community.
Days like today.
You guys came together,
you made a statement,
- you took the electoral process seriously.
I've said it once,
and I'll say it again.
Love wins.
Your new class president is
fell the vibes
Chad Amani!

You're our Obama!



And coming in at a very distant
second place,
your new vice president,
Denise Kora Ko-al
Ko-al Ko-al-a-ciz-ik?
Denise, come on up here, sister.

I'm sorry. I don't know what happened.
I'm gonna take you down.


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