Chad (2021) s02e04 Episode Script

Señor Doobs

This is literally the best
class I've ever been in.
Okay, okay, tranquilo, tranquilo!
- We love you!
- Let's move on from the present tense
to something a little more
something a little more
What is even happening right now?
Silencio. I come to you
with an important message.
Wait Wait a minute.
- Oh, my God.
- ¿Quién eres tú?
Who are you, strange visitor?
The question you should
be asking yourselves is,
"¿Quién voy a ser?"
"Who will I be?"
And the answer is me, Señor
Doobs from the future
[LAUGHS] Oh, my God.
This is so tech heavy.
Any of you who question
my powers you!
Check under your desk.
You guys better check.
He seems serious.
Uh, Ethan, I think he I
think he's referring to you.
Ha! Maracas!
Ha, ha! [LAUGHS]
Oh Oh, my God!
I almost sat in that seat, you guys.
I literally almost
picked that seat today!
Shoot. That was supposed to be my seat.

My gosh, Señor Doobs is so funny.
His class is like a comedy special.
- Wow.
- It's an absolute delight being taught by him.
I'm almost even learning Spanish.
NIKI: Sounds lame.
Okay, Niki, sorry it's not whatever dumb
little baby YouTube
makeup tutorial TikTok
comedy you're into.
I like Tig Notaro.
Tig Notaro?
Anime has never once made me laugh.
Well, I'm just glad
you're getting so much
out of Spanish class, Chad.
I really am, Mom.
In fact, it makes me think,
"Should I be a teacher when I grow up?"
I mean, I won't, but it
makes me think should I?
Such a noble profession, Chaddy joon.
Tell me, which subject
would you like to teach?
Probably something in
mogul entrepreneurship.
Yeah, anything mogul related.
Mogul is cool.
I'm not really interested
in the academics part.
It's more than getting up there
and just, like, being playful
and having a ton of attention.
So, not like a teacher at all.
Makes sense.
- Come at me, Niki.
- I dare you.
We've had tension this entire dinner.
- NAZ: Okay, you guys.
- Delicious dinner, Mom.
Thank you, Chad. You were saying?
Yeah, none of my other
teachers are really that funny.
Well, that's not true.
Mr. Timmons has a pretty
hilarious walk sometimes.
That little guy.
How does he walk?
Like Just, like, a little bumpy.
Oh, I love a funny walk. Come on.
Chad, Mr. Timmons was in
a really bad car accident
over the summer.
They sent us an e-mail about it.
Oh, my God, that walk is literally all
I talk to him about.
You guys, I've done the walk for him.
And he has not once interrupted
me in the middle of it.

Alright, I know what
you're all thinking.
"Oh, Mr. Dubin, we're
never gonna use it!
Why does anyone give a shit
about the vosotros ending?"
[LAUGHS] He said "shit" again.
I'll tell you one time you're
definitely going to use it
on the unit six quiz.
- So, you need to abso
Chicos y chicas, I will see you mañana.
Don't forget to baña.
And smoke that marijuaña.
Hey, can I speak to you for a minute?

So, uh
what was that all about?
Uh, was it the drug-smoking reference?
I-I I'm not even
sure I used it right.
I just thought it was funny
'cause it sounded Spanish.
[CHUCKLES] No, that's not it.
Um, you stole my laugh.
I'm I'm sorry, I-I what?
Yeah, I see you didn't
realize what you did.
I get it. [SIGHS]
You see me up there, you know,
doing my thing and, you know,
it looks all spontaneous
and off the cuff.
Believe it or not, you know,
before you jumped in there at the end,
you know, I was getting to, "And
smoke some marijuaña." [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah.
- That's what I said.
So, it's like I climbed the tower,
but you got to ring the bell.
- You know what I mean?
- O-Oh, shit.
I will never ring the bell again.
Y-You're actually my favorite teacher,
and this is the only class
I consistently stay
awake in at this school.
So, there's a little
compliment for you for the day.
Well, thank you.
Just don't tap dance
on my shoes, capeesh?
- Uh, capeesh.
- Yeah.
Okay, I'll see you
mañana, little hombrecito.

PETER: From what you're telling me,
I don't think you did anything wrong.
[SIGHS] Well, neither do
I, but the coolest teacher
in the school freakin' hates me.
I mean, this teacher has
completely nailed down
his hilarious educational persona,
and I just trampled all over it.
Maybe you should just lay low
in class for a couple days.
It'll probably blow over
if you leave it alone.
It's so weird to have
someone be annoyed with you.
I'm like, "What?" [CHUCKLES]
- It's very new for me.
- Hmm.
But got to get back in his good graces.
Just pay him some
compliments, keep a low profi,
and hope that someday he grows
into becoming my comedy mentor.
Um, best of luck.
There's no way this guy isn't
gonna grow to love me, right?
You You should've said "right"
- a lot faster to that, Peter.
- I should've.
- Lot of traffic today. You okay?
- Yeah, it got jammed up.
DUBIN: Okay, familia, we're gonna
get into the preterite tense today.
- Oh, shit, twinsies.
Shut up, Ethan.
We're not twinsies.
What's that, Ethan?
You're wearing the same
shirt as Chad, Señor Doobs.
That means you're twinsies.
No, they look like
different manufacturers.
Alright, alright, alright, I get it.
No, we're wearing a similar shirt.
It's hilarious.
Alright, everyone, settle down.
Chad, take a seat, okay?
Alright, let's get back to the verbs.
Okay, uh, the pluperfect tense
"pluperfect"? [CHUCKLES]
Oof, Doobs. [CHUCKLES]
No, the preterite tense is used to
[CHUCKLES] You know
what, we're just gonna
we're gonna change gears here, okay?
Let's, uh Let's everyone
come up, let's grab a tablet.
Let's go to, uh, unit six, lesson five,
and repeat the phrases, okay?
Getting kind of weird, isn't it?
- Where are we going?
- You know, first you steal my laugh,
now this whole shirt thing.
Listen, I thought we talked about this.
My class, it's a well-oiled
machine, but you
you just seem like you want
to throw a monkey wrench in it.
Does it help that I have a
couple black stripes in mine
- and you're lacking that?
- No.
See, they're still
close enough for Ethan
to call us twinsies, am I right, bud?
Honest to God, sir, this is a mix-up.
I don't pay attention
to your wardrobe choices.
Yeah, I don't believe you, okay?
So, this has to go.
Wait, I-I'll put it away.
- I wasn't even playing it.
- Sorry.
I just like it close by for comfort.
Nope, no electronics in class.
- C-Can I just please have it back?
- No.
- I'm not gonna play it.
- No, no, no.
Well, when can I get it back?
If I neglect my "Animal Crossing" store,
my turnips will rot!
Yeah, they're gonna rot, okay?
But in the meantime, why don't
you go look for a different shirt?
Like right now?
Now or, you know, whenever.
But now's probably a good idea.

I would like to file a formal
complaint against Mr. Dubin.
Can we just chalk this
up to a misunderstanding?
Señor Doobs! He's a legend.
I know that, and I love the guy,
but I am wearing the unwanted rags
of a gigantic girl volleyball player
that I dug out of the lost and found.
He's targeting me, Charles.
The man is out to get me.
Okay, fine, Chad, fine.
I will have a conversation
with Señor Doobs.
But just so you know, when I've tried
to straighten this guy out in the past,
he runs circles around most
the staff, but mainly me.
Sorry, it's just really distracting
what you're doing right now.
- Which part?
- All of it.
Peddling in place,
the off-brand Peloton,
giant-ass towel around your neck.
- I hate it all.
- But the shorts are working?
No, they're not.
- Chad, hey, bud.
- Mm.
How's it going?
Sorry, that was a long swallow.
- Mm-hmm.
- H-Hey. Hi Hi.
- You're so tall.
Just got done talking to Charles.
Uh, told me that you went
in to talk to him about me?
That's weird.
- Um
- Charles?
Charles, Charles, Charles
Yeah, your guidance counselor.
- Oh, that guy, yeah.
- Yeah.
I forget about him because I want to.
- Well
- Yeah, don't listen to anything Charles says.
- His br brain is not okay.
- Oh, okay.
I just got to say, for the record,
if I made you uncomfortable in
any way whatsoever, I apologize.
You know, sometimes I'm a little
tougher on students like you,
ones that I think have
the most potential.
Oh, you humiliated me 'cause
you think I have potential?
Sure, yeah.
Look, and sometimes I can
go a little bit overboard,
and I know it's hard for you to imagine,
uh, you know, us teachers.
You see us as these
perfect, god-like figures,
but we make mistakes, and
- and if I made a mistake, I
- Barely.
Well, it's 100% on
me, and I'm very sorry.
I overwhelmingly accept
your apology, Señor Doobs.
- Right on.
- Don't even mention it.
And just one other
little thing to attend to.
My Nintendo Switch.
I believe you still have
it, and I-I was wondering
if it could be put back
in my custody, please.
Pretty sure I gave that back to you.
The Nintendo Switch?
- Yeah, pretty sure.
- No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Yeah.
- You did You did You did not.
Actually, now that I think about it,
I don't think I ever took it from you.
Oh, you did.
'Cause remember when I
completely saw you take it?
God, I don't know what to tell you, bud.
Just tell me you'll give it back to me.
I don't I don't know
I don't know where it is.
I don't have it. [INHALES SHARPLY]
I hope it turns up, though.
I do.
Hey, I'll see ya see ya in class.
Clase de Español.
Oh, my God, first Señor
Doobs snatches my Switch,
and then he tries to say
he never even took it.
I mean, does the man have some
kind of early onset medical
something or something?
- It's classic gaslighting.
- What's that?
Señor Doobs is abusing an
uneven power dynamic to try
and make you think you're crazy.
Why would he do that
when I love him with
all my little heart?
I think maybe he's just not
a very good person, Chad.
You don't think he's a good person?
- No.
- Peter, he's funny.
Some people who are funny
have darkness in them.
Peter, please, name one
comedian with a dark side.
Practically all of them.
Even the ones who use
the puppets and guitars?
Yes, especially those.
My God, what is happening?
Is freaking Mercury in retrograin?
I have no idea what you said,
but either way, he's a bully,
and if you want him to stop,
you need to stand up for yourself
or he's just gonna keep victimizing you.
You're right.
Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna double up
on my protein supplements,
march right into that school,
and ask Doobs for my damn respect.
And more importantly, my Switch.

Patrick Dubin!
Where are you?!

Where is he? Where's Señor Doobs?
Señor Doobs is dead, Chad.
- What?!
- He passed away.
Did someone murder him?
No, I guess he went to sleep
last night and just didn't wake up.
People can just die out of nowhere?
Are you sure?
Oh, my God.
This is horrible.
He has my Nintendo Switch.

Thanks for coming with me, Peter.
No problem. The bereaved
find my presence soothing.
It's my first funeral.
How do you feel?
I feel like I really want to find out
where my Nintendo Switch is.
Keep a watch out, okay?
- For?
- Humans, adults, people.
- Okay.
- I'm snooping around in there.
I can get in a lot of trouble.
Where do I start?
It's a tiny little
Switch in a big ol' house.
Start in the primary bedroom.
Second floor, next to
the remodeled half-bath.
Very tastefully done.
Not a cheap flip job.
Sconces are gorgeous.
What are you even talking
about right now, Peter?
They bought in 2018. I looked
at the real-estate listing last night.
I'm a total Redfin junkie.
You looked at the real-estate
listing of this house?
I mean, if you're gonna snoop
around, you might as well
figure out, like, the
blueprints of the area.
You're not wrong. Thank
you for doing that.
Oh, yep.
Thank you for protecting me.
Anytime, buddy, anytime.
I appreciate it.
- Wish me luck.
- You got this.

Where are you, where
are you, where are you?
"Sister Act"?
Is he giving them as
a gift or something?
What are you doing?
It's a Muslim culture thing.
I wanted to go full
forehead-to-floor where he died.
Take care of him.
Thank you, Allah.
Are you the deceased's wife?
I'm Patrick's girlfriend.
And this is his son?
Well, he's my son, but
Patrick was like a dad to him.
Aww, shoot.
Hey, there, little squirt.
Sorry about your mom's
guy who she's hooking up with.
Never fun to see those go.
Is this child verbal yet?
I'm sorry, is there
something I can help you with?
Actually, I hope so.
Did you by any chance know
if Mr. Dubin brought home any
devices from Westpark High?
Oh, my God.
You're one of Patrick's students?

Do you think you'd be willing to
say a few words at his service?
I think that everyone would love to hear
about how Patrick touched
his students' lives.
- Oh, hell nah.
- Please?
The interesting thing is I'm
I'm actually really bad at talking.
Pretty please.
Don't say "pretty please."
[CRYING] Pretty, pretty please.
Goddamn it!
It would really mean a lot to me.
To both of us, actually.

I mean, I don't

Thank you.
Don't mention it.

- My God.
- Hmm, looks smaller in person.
Peter! Get in here!
Dubin's freakin' girlfriend and
her haunting little silent son
just came in here and saw me
snooping around, and now I'm
I think I'm delivering a speech.
Sorry, I was checking the decor
of the French country kitchen.
You know, I was already
impressed by the lot size,
- but the house itself
- What are you doing?
This is not a time for a
home decor conversation!
- Oh.
- I have to publicly speak now
in front of her and her son,
the goddamn star of "The Shining"!
Eh, good luck.
Good luck?!
Can everyone hear me?
- MAN: Yeah.
- Shit, okay.
I'm Chad Amani, and I was one of
Mr. Dubin's students this year.
It's hard to talk about
someone who's dead.
Mr. Dubin was by far the most
popular teacher at our school.
And everybody loved him.
He was also great at teaching Spanish.
He knew all the tenses and everything.
Vocab, you name it.
Even though he was white.
And he
Excuse me, can I see the back
of your Nintendo Switch real quick.
Could you flash me the back of it.

Oh, my God, it's my freakin' Switch.
I knew it. I knew I
wasn't losing my mind!
He lied to me. He made me
think I was going crazy.
I can't believe he's here holding onto
my property right now.
It's an unmistakable sticker.
That's my Switch. I knew he had it.
I knew he had it, and he
gifted it to somebody else?!
All because I made a cute
little rhyme about marijuana.
I called it marijuaña.
And then there was the
whole freakin' shirt thing.
It was similar, but mine
had extra stripes on it.
But I was treated as if I watched him
dress in the morning,
and then to spite him,
I put on the same shirt.
I never watched Mr. Dubin
dress in the morning.
And even if I did, I would
not have had enough time
to go to a mall to
then buy the same shirt
and go to class on time.
What I'm starting to realize is
sometimes people don't like you.
Sometimes people just don't like you
and there's nothing you can do about it.
I'm not sorry I stole his laugh.
Thank you.
Uh, as we can see,
grief can be a mysterious
and confusing thing.
CHAD: Don't make a scene right now.
It affects everyone in
very different ways, and
Please, I'm telling you, it's mine.
Do you even blink if you can talk.
Actually, just talk if you can talk.
- Give it to me.
- No, mine!
RACHEL: It's just a little boy.
Oh, you do talk.
Oh, you do talk! Then give it to me!
Just Please don't make a scene.
- We're at a funeral.
- Get off of him!
Ma'am, tell him it's mine.

- So long ♪
- So long, so long, so long ♪
That's what you get
when you don't do right ♪
- Goodbye ♪
- Goodbye, goodbye, my baby ♪
That's what you get
when you don't do right ♪
Goodbye ♪
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