Chappelle's Show (2003) s02e06 Episode Script
If The Internet Were Real
1
Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.
Oww.
Woo-hoo-hoo.
Woo-hoo.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's start
the show.
(announcer) Ladies and
gentlemen, put your hands together
for Dave Chappelle!
Oh whoa.
Man.
Hey, everybody,
what's happenin'?
What is happenin'?
What's happenin',
everybody?
Thank you, thank you, oh.
Thank you, oh.
Thank you, bitches.
(laughing)
Just kidding.
Last week I went to
the club, man.
I never
go to clubs.
I had a ball.
Y'know that song
y'know that dude, Lil' Jon?
His music gets
me so amped!
Ahh!
He just something about
his energy it's just wild.
Show his video.
Okay,
okay,
that's all he's says
in the whole song, nigga.
Okay!
What!
Yeah!
That's all he
ever says in any song.
I always think
he's gonna rhyme,
but he, he act like
somebody's about to rhyme
but just never get
around to it.
Okay!
I wanna meet
that dude.
I just want to
see what it's like
to have a conversation
with him.
I mean, what is he
like in his personal life?
I wonder.
(woman) And now, a moment
in the life of Lil' Jon.
Are you checking any
luggage today, sir?
Ye-yeah!
Did you pack
your bags yourself?
Yeah!
And the bags have been in your
possession the whole time?
What?!
Have these bags been in your
possession the whole time?
What?!
These bags have been in your
possession the whole time?
What?!
Ah, these bags,
were they in your
possession the whole time?
What?!
And these bags have been
in your possession
the whole time?
Ye-yeah!
All right.
Well, Mr. Jon,
you're all set.
Okay!
Uh, pardon me, madame,
will this be reflected upon
my frequent flyer miles?
Did you book
your flight on-line?
Yeah!
Then they will be.
Okay!
Have a nice flight.
What?!
Have a nice flight.
What?!
Have a nice flight.
What?!
Have a nice flight.
Okay!
You've just watched
a moment in
the life of Lil' Jon.
They calling me.
(Lil' Jon)
Yeah!
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
Makes love to his wife
and gets up
skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
Sorry about that.
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
What?
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
You can't say that?
They say that
on the radio.
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet, skeet.
Nah, can't say "skeet"
on the radio.
I'm just going to start
saying that on the show.
"Come on, let's tape, man
let's fuck it
"if you can say
skeet on the radio
I can't "
you know what's so dope
about skeet?
White people don't
know what it means yet.
When they figure it out,
they're gonna be like,
"my God,
what have we done!"
We're gonna take
a quick commercial break,
but don't go anywhere.
We'll be
right back.
Didn't want to die young
steady hustlin'
trying to feed my family
too scared to have kids
and do like
my daddy did
'cause I'm so scared
of failing.
Chappelle's Show.
Better not bring
your kids!
Welcome back
to Chappelle's Show.
Yesterday, I was doing
I was trying to find the score
of the knicks' game
on the Internet.
Y'know, you go
on the Internet
and you realize it's kinda,
like, just so nasty.
It's the nastiest stuff
that you accept on the Internet.
Like, if the Internet
was a real place,
it would be
disgusting and intolerable.
I'm serious.
Imagine it
what if the Internet were
a place that you could go to?
(laughing)
Excuse me, miss,
um, where am I?
Oh, the Internet.
Do you know where
I can find a news site?
Oh, it's down there.
Thank you very much,
thank you very much.
Do-do.
Hey, buddy.
Buddy, buddy, buddy,
buddy, buddy, buddy
Hey, buddy, buddy,
buddy, buddy.
Hey, man,
do I know you?
It's me, buddy.
I have something
really important
I need to
talk to you about.
What's goin' on?
Wanna increase
the size of your penis?
Up to four inches
in a month, bro!
And fat too!
No, man, I'm cool.
Its all natural dude,
my friend's a doctor.
Hey, brother,
I'm a doctor.
You're a doctor?
Fuckin' right,
I'm a doctor.
I use it myself.
Look, man, I'm cool,
all right.
I don't need
no penis pills.
Hey, these are not pills.
This is a salve,
a cream,
you massage it
into the skin
no, come on, son.
Woah, I'm sorry
for bothering you,
but I like that song.
Do you know where I can get
some music around here or?
Oh yeah, you can
get it right here.
Oh.
Or you can
get it right there.
(chaotic beeping)
Hey, Ron.
So, you wanna
see me have sex?
No, I'm cool.
You wanna see Paris Hilton
have sex with her boyfriend?
Yes, I would.
Come on.
All right.
(snickering)
(man) I want you to get on
top of me, face that way,
so we can see how
pretty you are.
(laughs)
I don't know
if that was her, man.
It was a little grainy
that night vision
you can't really tell.
I got to see that
one more time, man.
Let me see one more time.
Let's go.
You know what, buddy,
why don't you hold this,
I'll go in there
and check it out
and then I'll be
right back out, all right?
Thanks, dude.
(man) I want you to get on
top of me, face that way,
so we can see how
pretty you are.
That was
her all right.
She played herself.
You sure you don't
wanna see me have sex?
Yeah, I'm
absolutely sure, man.
I just wanna get the score
to the Knicks' game.
Thanks, all right.
I do a great doggie-style.
I know, Ron!
Okay, I got my
stroke from you.
Thank you, Obi-Wan,
I'm done with the porn.
What?!
You wanna see
naked pictures?
Halle Berry from
Swordfish?
Of course I do.
Come on.
(laughing)
Damn, dude, you ain't
tell me they had the girl
from Price Is Right.
She got
naked pictures.
Damn!
Thanks, man.
Davey
yes, sir.
Um, you into goat play?
What is goat play?
Lizzy.
(goats bleating)
Oh, oh, man, this
all right, come on,
let's just hurry up.
(bleating resumes)
Debt consolidation!
No.
Gambling!
No, please.
Debt consolidation!
Ahh.
Gambling!
Ahh.
Debt consolidation!
Consolidation.
Gambling!
Gambling!
Enough!
Enough with
the pop-ups!
Dicks!
This is wild!
Oh sh!
How you doing?
Hello, my name is Debra.
Hey, Debra, I'm Dave.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet y'all.
You're kind of
cute, Dave.
Thanks, Debra.
Come here, I want to
tell you something.
Seriously, bro,
I can make your penis
fat and harder for longer.
What the fuck!
You tricked me!
Ahh, this place is sick.
You should all be ashamed of
yourselves, you heathens!
And no side effects,
it's all natural.
Debt consolidation!
Ugh, how's that?
Gambling!
Ahhh.
Spam busters, bitch!
(laughing)
We're gonna take a quick
commercial break.
Y'all, don't go anywhere,
be comfortable.
We'll be right back
with more Chappelle's Show.
(cheering)
Man, I'm bored.
I gotta go to
the Chappelle show.
Ha, ha,
go ahead!
(woman)
The Theresa Roddy interview.
Here she is, Theresa Roddy.
Now, Lil' Jon, I heard
that you once worked
in a fast food restaurant.
Yeah!
And you almost made it
to night manager,
is that also correct?
Yeah, yeah!
Now I'm going to, ah,
change the subject a little,
if that's all right
with you?
What?!
I would like to
change the subject.
What?!
Change the subject.
What?!
I'm gonna change the subject,
if that's all right with you.
Okay!
And if this is
a little sensitive
please, feel free
to stop me.
Okay!
In my research,
I found out that you had been
beaten brutally by two white
police officers,
ah, under
mistaken identity.
Is that correct?
Yes, that is true.
That was the first time
in my life that I,
that I ever experienced any
type of racial discrimination.
And I made up my mind
then and there
that I would try transcend
these social constraints.
You see, madam,
so often black youth
are cast aside by society
that is too afraid of them
to recognize their humanity.
My mother knew this,
and she did her damndest to
make sure that I knew it.
And I, madame,
through my music,
we'll make sure that all
black youth
realize the truth,
because, to me,
that is an act of love.
That must've been
very painful for you.
Yeah, yeah!
Thank you, Lil' Jon.
What?!
Thank you, Lil' Jon.
What?!
Thank-thank
thank you, Lil' Jon.
What?!
Thank you.
Huh?!
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
No problem, madame.
Thank you
for coming to my home.
Do you smoke reefer?
Yes, do you
have a little time.
Yeah, yeah!
Can we?
Just for
the cameras.
Oh.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Lil' Jon.
(woman)
You've just watched
a moment in
the life of Lil' Jon.
Welcome back, guys.
Now, I'm looking around
the room
and everybody in the room
is pretty much in my age range,
for the most part.
And you know, our generation
has a phrase we like to say,
that phrase is
"keep it real."
People say it to me
all the time.
They say,
"Dave, you got that show,
but remember, brother,
keep it real."
Very good advice.
Not always as easy
as it seems.
Sometimes, folks,
"keeping it real"
works against ya.
So now, ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to show you
one of those times
in a new segment:
"When 'Keeping It Teal'
Goes Wrong."
(man) Your watching "When
'Keeping It Real' Goes Wrong."
Darius James was out
on a date with his girlfriend,
Tenecia Bradley;
Darius was almost certain
the night would end with sex.
But as they were leaving,
confrontation reared
it's ugly head.
Yo, Tenecia,
it was good seeing ya.
Darius heard the comment
and had a simple
choice to make:
Ignore what the man had said
and take Tenecia home,
or stay at
the party and "keep it real."
What did you say, man?
Good seeing ya.
"Good seeing ya."
I don't
play that shit.
That's my girl,
nigga!
I keep it real!
What Darius didn't know
is that Chris
was a tenth degree black belt
who started trouble just
so he could practice
his karate in
street-fighting scenarios.
What ensued was one of the most
spectacular ass-whoopings
ever witnessed in
the Atlantic northeast.
Ahh!
(thumping blows)
Darius lost four
of his teeth,
fractured his arm,
spine, and pelvis;
and then Tenecia got involved.
All his talk about
"keeping it real"
was getting on
my last nerves.
I savored that ass-whooping.
Kick him
in the ass.
Oh, one more time.
Oh oh!
The tag team ass-whopping
continued for minutes,
ending when karate expert
Chris left with Tenecia.
That night they
had sex three times.
As a result of his
hospital bills,
Darius was forced to move
back in with his grandmom.
This knucklehead talkin' about
"keeping it real."
I'm gonna "keep it real."
I want his goddamn ass
out of my house
so I can get
my swerve on too.
Shit.
Darius is humiliated
on a daily basis.
Granny, don't!
Well, hurry the hell up
and finish yourself off,
Darius.
Unlike you, I'm gettin'
a little action tonight,
you punk-bitch.
He is witnessed to things
that no man should
ever have to see.
Darius, you big dummy,
this ain't no show-and-tell.
Take a walk.
Yeah, get some rubbers.
And get the big ones.
Fuckin' right.
From most assuredly
having sex with his girl
to getting beat up and moving
back in with his family
granny, don't!
Darius James
showed us what can happen
when 'keeping it real'
goes wrong.
We're gonna take a quick
commercial break everybody,
don't go anywhere.
We got to pay these bills,
and we'll be right back.
(cheering)
Chappelle's Show, ow.
Look at that.
Turn on
your TV.
What you're
gonna to see?
Oh, hey, what's up,
everybody, it's Dave.
Right now our next guest,
we're very excited about.
He's got one of
the smoothest voices
in music today.
Give it up for my man from
Charlotte, North Carolina,
Anthony Hamilton.
I got a story about
my life
you'd like to hear, yeah
well, listen
sittin' here
I guess I didn't make bail
got time and a story
to tell
started when
I was nine years old
woke up, my daddy was gone
I started hustlin'
they couldn't tell me nothin'
frontin' in the hood tryin'
to be somebody
but my soul was on empty
I was searchin'
for something
I tried to be good
tried to keep
from trouble
livin' too fast
tryin' to make
good on a hustle
sometimes it gets rough
comin' from where I'm from,
I'm from
times got hard, yeah
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
some times you gotta
walk to work
yeah, oh lord
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you gotta do
a little dirt
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
wasn't really lookin'
guess I found it
five foot three,
light brown skin
yeah
comin' from
the university
nice style, lookin'
kinda lovely
didn't know
she had much game
down to ride out even
take the train
even took her
to a poker game
she's top notch from
fried chicken to sushi
tried to be good
I tried
tried to treat
you like a lady
tried to be your friend
turned out
that you were shady
you were shady
sometimes it
gets lonely
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes they ain't
what they seem to be
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you get
a little angry
yeah
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you get
the best of me
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
well I tried
to be good
I tried
wanted nothing
but to love somebody
didn't wanna die young
steady hustlin tryin'
to feed my family
too scared to have
kids and do like daddy did
'cause I'm so scared
of failin'
sometimes it get hard
comin' from
where I'm from
well yeahhhh
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you gotta
moan in the mornin'
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you gotta
cry a little bit louder
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you gotta
fight the pain yeahhh
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you gotta
walk alone
walk alone
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you get
a little worried
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you get
lost outta touch
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
and sometimes I even think
I pray a little bit too much
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes I get a
little scared
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes I get a
little scared
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes I find myself
have to walk and pray alone
sometimes
talkin' about where
I come from
I'd like to thank
each and every one of you
for being here tonight,
I'd like to thank you at home
for watching the show.
We couldn't
do it without you.
I'm Dave Chappelle.
I'll see ya
next week.
Skeet, skeet, skeet,
I'm out.
I'm rich, biatch!
(horn honking)
Hi,
thank you.
My mother,
my mother knew this.
Time out.
Poppin' now
here come
my Oscar shot.
Where did I put
my glasses at?
(man) on top of your head, Dave.
Oh.
(crew laughing)
Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.
Oww.
Woo-hoo-hoo.
Woo-hoo.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's start
the show.
(announcer) Ladies and
gentlemen, put your hands together
for Dave Chappelle!
Oh whoa.
Man.
Hey, everybody,
what's happenin'?
What is happenin'?
What's happenin',
everybody?
Thank you, thank you, oh.
Thank you, oh.
Thank you, bitches.
(laughing)
Just kidding.
Last week I went to
the club, man.
I never
go to clubs.
I had a ball.
Y'know that song
y'know that dude, Lil' Jon?
His music gets
me so amped!
Ahh!
He just something about
his energy it's just wild.
Show his video.
Okay,
okay,
that's all he's says
in the whole song, nigga.
Okay!
What!
Yeah!
That's all he
ever says in any song.
I always think
he's gonna rhyme,
but he, he act like
somebody's about to rhyme
but just never get
around to it.
Okay!
I wanna meet
that dude.
I just want to
see what it's like
to have a conversation
with him.
I mean, what is he
like in his personal life?
I wonder.
(woman) And now, a moment
in the life of Lil' Jon.
Are you checking any
luggage today, sir?
Ye-yeah!
Did you pack
your bags yourself?
Yeah!
And the bags have been in your
possession the whole time?
What?!
Have these bags been in your
possession the whole time?
What?!
These bags have been in your
possession the whole time?
What?!
Ah, these bags,
were they in your
possession the whole time?
What?!
And these bags have been
in your possession
the whole time?
Ye-yeah!
All right.
Well, Mr. Jon,
you're all set.
Okay!
Uh, pardon me, madame,
will this be reflected upon
my frequent flyer miles?
Did you book
your flight on-line?
Yeah!
Then they will be.
Okay!
Have a nice flight.
What?!
Have a nice flight.
What?!
Have a nice flight.
What?!
Have a nice flight.
Okay!
You've just watched
a moment in
the life of Lil' Jon.
They calling me.
(Lil' Jon)
Yeah!
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
Makes love to his wife
and gets up
skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
Sorry about that.
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
What?
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet.
You can't say that?
They say that
on the radio.
Skeet, skeet,
skeet, skeet, skeet.
Nah, can't say "skeet"
on the radio.
I'm just going to start
saying that on the show.
"Come on, let's tape, man
let's fuck it
"if you can say
skeet on the radio
I can't "
you know what's so dope
about skeet?
White people don't
know what it means yet.
When they figure it out,
they're gonna be like,
"my God,
what have we done!"
We're gonna take
a quick commercial break,
but don't go anywhere.
We'll be
right back.
Didn't want to die young
steady hustlin'
trying to feed my family
too scared to have kids
and do like
my daddy did
'cause I'm so scared
of failing.
Chappelle's Show.
Better not bring
your kids!
Welcome back
to Chappelle's Show.
Yesterday, I was doing
I was trying to find the score
of the knicks' game
on the Internet.
Y'know, you go
on the Internet
and you realize it's kinda,
like, just so nasty.
It's the nastiest stuff
that you accept on the Internet.
Like, if the Internet
was a real place,
it would be
disgusting and intolerable.
I'm serious.
Imagine it
what if the Internet were
a place that you could go to?
(laughing)
Excuse me, miss,
um, where am I?
Oh, the Internet.
Do you know where
I can find a news site?
Oh, it's down there.
Thank you very much,
thank you very much.
Do-do.
Hey, buddy.
Buddy, buddy, buddy,
buddy, buddy, buddy
Hey, buddy, buddy,
buddy, buddy.
Hey, man,
do I know you?
It's me, buddy.
I have something
really important
I need to
talk to you about.
What's goin' on?
Wanna increase
the size of your penis?
Up to four inches
in a month, bro!
And fat too!
No, man, I'm cool.
Its all natural dude,
my friend's a doctor.
Hey, brother,
I'm a doctor.
You're a doctor?
Fuckin' right,
I'm a doctor.
I use it myself.
Look, man, I'm cool,
all right.
I don't need
no penis pills.
Hey, these are not pills.
This is a salve,
a cream,
you massage it
into the skin
no, come on, son.
Woah, I'm sorry
for bothering you,
but I like that song.
Do you know where I can get
some music around here or?
Oh yeah, you can
get it right here.
Oh.
Or you can
get it right there.
(chaotic beeping)
Hey, Ron.
So, you wanna
see me have sex?
No, I'm cool.
You wanna see Paris Hilton
have sex with her boyfriend?
Yes, I would.
Come on.
All right.
(snickering)
(man) I want you to get on
top of me, face that way,
so we can see how
pretty you are.
(laughs)
I don't know
if that was her, man.
It was a little grainy
that night vision
you can't really tell.
I got to see that
one more time, man.
Let me see one more time.
Let's go.
You know what, buddy,
why don't you hold this,
I'll go in there
and check it out
and then I'll be
right back out, all right?
Thanks, dude.
(man) I want you to get on
top of me, face that way,
so we can see how
pretty you are.
That was
her all right.
She played herself.
You sure you don't
wanna see me have sex?
Yeah, I'm
absolutely sure, man.
I just wanna get the score
to the Knicks' game.
Thanks, all right.
I do a great doggie-style.
I know, Ron!
Okay, I got my
stroke from you.
Thank you, Obi-Wan,
I'm done with the porn.
What?!
You wanna see
naked pictures?
Halle Berry from
Swordfish?
Of course I do.
Come on.
(laughing)
Damn, dude, you ain't
tell me they had the girl
from Price Is Right.
She got
naked pictures.
Damn!
Thanks, man.
Davey
yes, sir.
Um, you into goat play?
What is goat play?
Lizzy.
(goats bleating)
Oh, oh, man, this
all right, come on,
let's just hurry up.
(bleating resumes)
Debt consolidation!
No.
Gambling!
No, please.
Debt consolidation!
Ahh.
Gambling!
Ahh.
Debt consolidation!
Consolidation.
Gambling!
Gambling!
Enough!
Enough with
the pop-ups!
Dicks!
This is wild!
Oh sh!
How you doing?
Hello, my name is Debra.
Hey, Debra, I'm Dave.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet y'all.
You're kind of
cute, Dave.
Thanks, Debra.
Come here, I want to
tell you something.
Seriously, bro,
I can make your penis
fat and harder for longer.
What the fuck!
You tricked me!
Ahh, this place is sick.
You should all be ashamed of
yourselves, you heathens!
And no side effects,
it's all natural.
Debt consolidation!
Ugh, how's that?
Gambling!
Ahhh.
Spam busters, bitch!
(laughing)
We're gonna take a quick
commercial break.
Y'all, don't go anywhere,
be comfortable.
We'll be right back
with more Chappelle's Show.
(cheering)
Man, I'm bored.
I gotta go to
the Chappelle show.
Ha, ha,
go ahead!
(woman)
The Theresa Roddy interview.
Here she is, Theresa Roddy.
Now, Lil' Jon, I heard
that you once worked
in a fast food restaurant.
Yeah!
And you almost made it
to night manager,
is that also correct?
Yeah, yeah!
Now I'm going to, ah,
change the subject a little,
if that's all right
with you?
What?!
I would like to
change the subject.
What?!
Change the subject.
What?!
I'm gonna change the subject,
if that's all right with you.
Okay!
And if this is
a little sensitive
please, feel free
to stop me.
Okay!
In my research,
I found out that you had been
beaten brutally by two white
police officers,
ah, under
mistaken identity.
Is that correct?
Yes, that is true.
That was the first time
in my life that I,
that I ever experienced any
type of racial discrimination.
And I made up my mind
then and there
that I would try transcend
these social constraints.
You see, madam,
so often black youth
are cast aside by society
that is too afraid of them
to recognize their humanity.
My mother knew this,
and she did her damndest to
make sure that I knew it.
And I, madame,
through my music,
we'll make sure that all
black youth
realize the truth,
because, to me,
that is an act of love.
That must've been
very painful for you.
Yeah, yeah!
Thank you, Lil' Jon.
What?!
Thank you, Lil' Jon.
What?!
Thank-thank
thank you, Lil' Jon.
What?!
Thank you.
Huh?!
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
No problem, madame.
Thank you
for coming to my home.
Do you smoke reefer?
Yes, do you
have a little time.
Yeah, yeah!
Can we?
Just for
the cameras.
Oh.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Lil' Jon.
(woman)
You've just watched
a moment in
the life of Lil' Jon.
Welcome back, guys.
Now, I'm looking around
the room
and everybody in the room
is pretty much in my age range,
for the most part.
And you know, our generation
has a phrase we like to say,
that phrase is
"keep it real."
People say it to me
all the time.
They say,
"Dave, you got that show,
but remember, brother,
keep it real."
Very good advice.
Not always as easy
as it seems.
Sometimes, folks,
"keeping it real"
works against ya.
So now, ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to show you
one of those times
in a new segment:
"When 'Keeping It Teal'
Goes Wrong."
(man) Your watching "When
'Keeping It Real' Goes Wrong."
Darius James was out
on a date with his girlfriend,
Tenecia Bradley;
Darius was almost certain
the night would end with sex.
But as they were leaving,
confrontation reared
it's ugly head.
Yo, Tenecia,
it was good seeing ya.
Darius heard the comment
and had a simple
choice to make:
Ignore what the man had said
and take Tenecia home,
or stay at
the party and "keep it real."
What did you say, man?
Good seeing ya.
"Good seeing ya."
I don't
play that shit.
That's my girl,
nigga!
I keep it real!
What Darius didn't know
is that Chris
was a tenth degree black belt
who started trouble just
so he could practice
his karate in
street-fighting scenarios.
What ensued was one of the most
spectacular ass-whoopings
ever witnessed in
the Atlantic northeast.
Ahh!
(thumping blows)
Darius lost four
of his teeth,
fractured his arm,
spine, and pelvis;
and then Tenecia got involved.
All his talk about
"keeping it real"
was getting on
my last nerves.
I savored that ass-whooping.
Kick him
in the ass.
Oh, one more time.
Oh oh!
The tag team ass-whopping
continued for minutes,
ending when karate expert
Chris left with Tenecia.
That night they
had sex three times.
As a result of his
hospital bills,
Darius was forced to move
back in with his grandmom.
This knucklehead talkin' about
"keeping it real."
I'm gonna "keep it real."
I want his goddamn ass
out of my house
so I can get
my swerve on too.
Shit.
Darius is humiliated
on a daily basis.
Granny, don't!
Well, hurry the hell up
and finish yourself off,
Darius.
Unlike you, I'm gettin'
a little action tonight,
you punk-bitch.
He is witnessed to things
that no man should
ever have to see.
Darius, you big dummy,
this ain't no show-and-tell.
Take a walk.
Yeah, get some rubbers.
And get the big ones.
Fuckin' right.
From most assuredly
having sex with his girl
to getting beat up and moving
back in with his family
granny, don't!
Darius James
showed us what can happen
when 'keeping it real'
goes wrong.
We're gonna take a quick
commercial break everybody,
don't go anywhere.
We got to pay these bills,
and we'll be right back.
(cheering)
Chappelle's Show, ow.
Look at that.
Turn on
your TV.
What you're
gonna to see?
Oh, hey, what's up,
everybody, it's Dave.
Right now our next guest,
we're very excited about.
He's got one of
the smoothest voices
in music today.
Give it up for my man from
Charlotte, North Carolina,
Anthony Hamilton.
I got a story about
my life
you'd like to hear, yeah
well, listen
sittin' here
I guess I didn't make bail
got time and a story
to tell
started when
I was nine years old
woke up, my daddy was gone
I started hustlin'
they couldn't tell me nothin'
frontin' in the hood tryin'
to be somebody
but my soul was on empty
I was searchin'
for something
I tried to be good
tried to keep
from trouble
livin' too fast
tryin' to make
good on a hustle
sometimes it gets rough
comin' from where I'm from,
I'm from
times got hard, yeah
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
some times you gotta
walk to work
yeah, oh lord
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you gotta do
a little dirt
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
wasn't really lookin'
guess I found it
five foot three,
light brown skin
yeah
comin' from
the university
nice style, lookin'
kinda lovely
didn't know
she had much game
down to ride out even
take the train
even took her
to a poker game
she's top notch from
fried chicken to sushi
tried to be good
I tried
tried to treat
you like a lady
tried to be your friend
turned out
that you were shady
you were shady
sometimes it
gets lonely
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes they ain't
what they seem to be
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you get
a little angry
yeah
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you get
the best of me
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
well I tried
to be good
I tried
wanted nothing
but to love somebody
didn't wanna die young
steady hustlin tryin'
to feed my family
too scared to have
kids and do like daddy did
'cause I'm so scared
of failin'
sometimes it get hard
comin' from
where I'm from
well yeahhhh
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you gotta
moan in the mornin'
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you gotta
cry a little bit louder
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you gotta
fight the pain yeahhh
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you gotta
walk alone
walk alone
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you get
a little worried
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes you get
lost outta touch
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
and sometimes I even think
I pray a little bit too much
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes I get a
little scared
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes I get a
little scared
comin' from where
I'm from, I'm from
sometimes I find myself
have to walk and pray alone
sometimes
talkin' about where
I come from
I'd like to thank
each and every one of you
for being here tonight,
I'd like to thank you at home
for watching the show.
We couldn't
do it without you.
I'm Dave Chappelle.
I'll see ya
next week.
Skeet, skeet, skeet,
I'm out.
I'm rich, biatch!
(horn honking)
Hi,
thank you.
My mother,
my mother knew this.
Time out.
Poppin' now
here come
my Oscar shot.
Where did I put
my glasses at?
(man) on top of your head, Dave.
Oh.
(crew laughing)