Charmed (2018) s04e03 Episode Script

Unlucky Charmed

1 You've got your right side up But you can wait behind me K-K-K-Kickin' down doors, I'm gonna get the money Tell your friends back home that I'm made of lightning Yeah, yeah, you'll see me coming 'Cause I'm super stylin' Sit back and watch me work this I'm an ice-cold real queen Big boss, big dreams No rinse and repeat, so Don't make me say it over And over and over Framily Dinner's served! So I figured after dinner, we could have, like, a game night.
Like charades or something? Fun.
These buns are so good.
They're actually just a riff on a recipe that I found in the kitchen drawer.
They were called Love Buns.
Put it on the line Are you kidding? Mm-mm.
Someone named Ruby, like, drew little hearts all over the page, so I just figured they were, you know, really made with love.
Who's Ruby, anyway? Oh, she's my ex.
Hmm, my bad.
You guys still friends, at least? Uh, we don't talk since, um We don't talk anymore.
I bet she's one of those, um, "boil your bunny" types, right? I had this ex, I actually found her collecting my hair.
I'm going to excuse myself.
I forgot that I have some papers to grade.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
I really just stepped in it, didn't I? It's fine, she's fine.
Just needs some space.
Speaking of space, you looked like a sexy stormtrooper last night.
Where were you going in that badass outfit? Yeah, Mags.
Where were you going? I, um, I couldn't sleep, so I Went demon hunting without me? Would you relax? I can handle myself.
- That's not the point.
- Then what is the point? - You lied to me.
- I didn't lie.
I just You didn't tell the whole truth.
All right, um I suddenly lost my appetite.
Thank you for a lovely meal.
Rain check on the charades.
My bad.
It's okay.
Oh, hey, I guess that just means more jollof for us.
Is something wrong? It's just the That bowl.
It was, um Sorry, I'm just "Welcome to the family, Kaela.
" "Thanks for dinner.
" Tallyman, Tallyman, he keeps count Tallyman, Tallyman Don't step out If you're good, then he pays If you're not, then he slays.
Ruby? Miss me, Love Buns? Oh.
You look like hell.
Didn't sleep.
Terrible dreams.
About the Tallyman? Yeah.
And maybe about Ruby? No.
I don't want to talk about it.
Okay, that's, you know, it's totally understandable, what with the whole Framily Dinner thing.
Any chance you're ready to tell me what exactly happened between you two? Can we just focus on work? Roger that.
These are the weird events that have been happening in the past Six months.
An elf was kidnapped and buried alive.
A satyr woke up to his vineyards burning.
Razor blades in the school lunches of goblins.
That's horrible.
- The Tallyman did all this? - I think so.
But the question is why.
There's no pattern, no motive.
Maybe that's the point.
Random acts of terror are way more damaging to the psyche.
It creates this constant feeling of fear and lack of control.
It's scary.
Which is why I've decided I need to figure out a way to get my time powers back.
Because this guy will strike again, and when he does, we are going to need more weapons at our disposal.
I am going to go get changed.
Coffee? Thanks.
Are you still mad about last night? Because I really want things to be okay.
No, you want things to feel okay.
What is that supposed to mean? I talk, you pretend to listen so you feel like you've heard me, but you don't actually change your behavior.
And I'm not even a psych major.
It's Frank the Leprechaun.
Nice of him to finally text you back after almost getting you blown up in that safe house.
There's something he wants us to see.
Says it's urgent.
In the beginning, magic was everywhere, until one being known as the Conqueror sought to steal it for himself.
And he would have, if not for three sisters brave enough to stand against him, the first Charmed Ones: Ishta, Inara, Ishani.
From that day forth, any time a grave threat to the magical world forms, the Charmed Ones rise to meet it.
and make everyone a ham sandwich.
You must pay attention.
I am.
Look, no disrespect, dude, but when you said that we were gonna do "witch training," I kind of thought you meant we'd do some real magic.
Of course we're gonna do magic, in a little over four months.
Four months? Uh, but I already helped save Josefina.
You got lucky.
And skill and improvisation - are two very different things.
- No, no, they're not.
Not to me.
Do you think I learned to fix an engine from a book? No.
I took it apart and put it back together.
And, yeah, I made mistakes, but that's what You are a manifestor, which means you have a particularly powerful form of magic at your disposal.
You can't make mistakes.
Why don't we take a break? Yeah.
Yeah, let's do that.
Thanks for your no-show at my Framily Dinner, by the way.
Yes, I'm, uh, sorry, I prefer to take my meals in the Tree Room.
See, I don't know what that means.
And I would ask, but I learned last night that that's not cool with this crew.
Well, what happened last night? Mel's love life, Maggie's outfit.
Everyone freaked out and left.
I don't know how I'm supposed to bond with anyone when no one will talk about anything.
You're meeting the members of this family at a very delicate time.
Yeah, even a bowl can set them off.
- What? - I used this blue bowl and Maggie practically started crying.
Cornflower blue, with yellow stars? Macy and I bought it at a little flea market just outside San Francisco.
So what, we're just supposed to encase it in amber a-and never touch it again? I mean, come on, dude.
- W-Where are you going? - Break's over.
You were right.
Time to get our hands dirty.
Come on, baby.
Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Damn it, why won't you stop? What's the bubbly for? Oh, nothing.
Yeah, I'm not buying it.
Between those boots, that dress and the $300 bottle of bubbly, something's clearly up.
Put your book down for a sec.
But I'm just getting to the part where Please? Okay.
In the nine months we've been dating, this is by far the most nervous that you've ever made me.
There's no reason for you to be nervous.
What the hell was that? Leprechaun lives there at the end of the block.
What? This guy's our only lead to the Tallyman.
We need as much info as we can get out of him.
You'd be surprised how much info this can get out of people.
You're missing the point.
You know, if you have something to say, out with it.
This passive-aggressiveness is unhealthy.
You want to talk unhealthy, your whole ass-kicking coping mechanism is at the top of that DSM-V chart.
I thought you liked fighting.
You said it felt good.
It did.
All that anger is empowering, but Maggie, sometimes You gotta let it feel bad.
I went to therapy for months after Macy died.
I felt my feels.
Help! - Did you hear that? - Yeah.
Help! Help! Help, help, help! Get me out of here.
Help me! Get me out of here.
- - Help! Help me.
Help! Get me out of here.
- So much for the luck of the Irish.
- Help! I don't want to die.
I'm too young to die.
I've never been in love.
I've never seen the Eiffel Tower.
I mean, I still sleep - on my futon, for God's sake.
- You're not gonna die.
- Okay? - Okay.
This thing's running on its own internal battery.
Very sophisticated.
I said needle-nose.
Well, this is the best I could do.
He's not exactly Mr.
You can't just bust me out of here? I've tried every reversal spell I can think of.
This damn forcefield won't budge.
I think I know how to tackle this.
Pretty sure we start with the yellow wire.
Pretty sure?! My bunkmate in Afghanistan was studying to be an EOD tech.
You didn't tell me that.
Guess we both forget to tell each other things.
All right.
Now the green twisted with black.
Oh, God! I mean, one wrong snip, and this thing, what? Fills with poisonous gas? I mean, I just can't My throat! It already feels tight.
- Little help here.
- Um, hey.
Hey, we're gonna figure this out.
Just take some deep breaths.
I'm incepting you with calm because we need you to not panic.
Oh, that's not good.
I'm sure you've got another trick up your sleeve.
I mean, your other bunkmate, or some such thing? I'm not getting any visions.
The numbers I'm so sorry.
- No! No! No - I'm sorry.
It was fake.
It was all fake! Oh, God.
Chin up.
Shoulders back.
Freakin' intense! You're the one who said you learn hands-on.
I was talking about engines, not deadly weapons.
Oh! You almost just cut my face.
Are you crazy? I had a lesson on defensive combat moves planned for next week, but we had to skip ahead.
This is about the bowl.
I know you and Macy were a thing.
This isn't about that.
You're so busy trying to recreate what it's like to train her you can't let me succeed or fail on my own merit.
'Cause I have to be me.
You are the most reckless, unrefined witch I've ever trained.
You want to succeed? Learn to be less you.
Roxie wants to see you.
What is this, a mob movie? I'm kind of in the middle of something.
You can come with us quietly, or you can make a scene.
It's up to you.
Let's get on with it, then.
Screw the special occasion.
I had just gotten home from the gym, and I was making a shamrock smoothie when The dishwasher started making a funny sound.
Like someone had thrown rocks in it.
I bent down to look at it, and bam! The bastard clobbered me on the back of the head.
When I woke up, I was inside the box.
So you never actually saw the Tallyman? No.
Do you remember anything about him? At some point, I felt cold hands.
Ice-cold hands.
Thanks for this.
It's really helping the old nerves.
Your one always brings the best whiskey.
Uh, I didn't bring that.
Found it on the counter over there.
He must have left it.
He must've left this, too.
"A house without hinges, lock or key, "yet golden treasure lies inside me.
"Life and death and "everything in between, "all will be clear when some is seen.
"Foe is friend and friend is foe, "but it won't matter when it's time to go.
" Great.
Now he's the Riddler, too.
Does anyone else hear ticking? Where's that coming from? People Uh People.
People! It's coming from me! Any luck reaching Mel or Harry? No.
Their phones are going straight to voice mail.
Kaela texted to say she's on her way.
The room in my mind I'm alone And I know that if I slept there I would die Hurt is boring Hurt is boring.
Mel? Maggie? Is anyone home? Hello? Stop it, Kaela.
- Did you hear that? - Yeah.
What are you wearing? And where have you been? Nothing.
Are you drunk? - It's, like, noon.
- No.
I was trying to figure out this time thing, and I saw this box of Ruby's stuff.
And then I picked up the champagne bottle, and when I touched it, suddenly my brain was back there with Ruby.
- Back where? - In the past.
On the day we broke up.
Uh, guys? Is that snakeskin? Where's Kaela? Just one look That's all it took One look at you and my - He is just so enchanting.
- My poor old heart Skipped a beat Just one kiss And I found bliss With one kiss, one look That's all it took Every time I try Oh, I try to be Mr.
Nice Guy You say you want no part of me But every time I walk away You got me here.
Now what? Well, good afternoon to you, too.
Please, have a seat.
Suit yourself.
Thought we could get to know each other a little bit.
- Why? - I like to know all of my patrons.
Especially the ones who come in demanding information about cursed coins and leprechauns.
Who knows? Maybe we can even become friends.
Oh, you send goons after your friends? I send the nice ones.
You and I are the same, you know.
I doubt that very much.
We're nothing alike.
So you're not destined to wander this earthly plane year after year, never aging, never changing, while the world you know and the people you love just keep passing you by? What are you? I'm a Circadian.
Means I get a year up here, then it's back underground for seven long ones.
I'm on the back half of this round of Rumspringa.
I thought Circadians were all gone.
They are.
Just like Whitelighters.
Being the last one can be lonely, can't it? How's the training going? You are a Whitelighter, and there is a new Charmed One in our midst.
- Mm.
- And let's just say the circumstances under which she arrived were Curious.
So, come on, spill some tea.
Well, to be honest, she's proving to be quite difficult.
Oh, yeah? Think I can help you with that.
Sunny, got a minute? Any luck? No.
What are you doing over there? Mixing a potion to help me sober up.
I think I got it.
Listen to this.
"Lamias are half serpent, half woman, "known for their distinctive screech, "marking their territory with a neon-blue substance "consisting of blue saliva, "and shedding their skin "every few days.
" Boom.
Does that say they swallow their prey whole? Ah, but it says they regurgitate it and spin it into a sac.
That's why Kaela's light is blinking.
"So digestive enzymes can liquefy the skin, "organs and bones.
" - Well, why did she eat Kaela? - Let's find out.
Wait for me.
Slow down.
Guys? Guys? And this is why we don't day drink, boys and girls.
Okay, uh, if you're trying to convince me not to be nervous, you're failing.
You don't need to be nervous.
As for me Mel, what's going on? I need you to close your eyes.
For a second.
I am not going through that again.
Huh? Guys.
Guys! What? What? She's breathing.
- Oh, thank God.
- Oh, thank God.
All right.
What is that? Jordan said lamias are known for their distinctive screech, right? Mortiferum fi.
Maggie, let it go.
Kaela's safe.
- That's all that matters.
- Are you serious? She's safe, but she's not okay.
Look at her.
That thing is gonna pay for what it did.
Maggie! She's been like this for months, and she won't talk to me about it.
Let me try.
One Malleable Maven.
Thank you, Sunny.
Here you go.
One drink of this, and your rebellious student will become putty in your hands, ripe for the molding.
And why should I believe that drink does what you say it does? Because, unlike the Elders, I want to give you a choice, Harry.
That's why I brought you here today.
I have a proposal for you.
One that could potentially change your life.
Maggie, we need to talk.
Oh, now you want to talk? Earlier, when I wanted to talk to you, it was all, "Let's focus on work.
" So until you're ready to sit in the same sharing circle and actually open up to me, I'm I proposed to Ruby.
Okay? I full-on asked her to marry me, and she looked me in the eyes and smiled and said a big, fat no.
Five months ago.
It was a total disaster.
Mel, why didn't you tell me? Because it was embarrassing.
And life-shattering.
And you and I have experienced enough life-shattering things this year.
And then today, I was transported right back there.
I could, like, smell her perfume, and it was It was wonderful.
And awful.
Might sound crazy, but it actually makes a lot of sense.
Magic is so emotional.
It's great you're finally getting all these feelings out.
Maybe it's time you start letting yourself get some feelings out, too.
Jordan got to you, didn't he? He's not wrong.
You could take the Malleable Maven, give it to your girl and then go back to your old life.
Training witches by day, padding around in your fuzzy slippers by night.
Or You can eat this.
What's that? A magic mushroom from the forbidden gnome forest.
This will help you determine who you really are.
Not who you used to be before Macy died or even before the Elders got a hold of you but who you have the potential to become.
Come on, Harry.
Live a little.
Whatever you think I am, you're wrong.
I'm a lot of things.
Saucy, moody, stubborn.
But I'm never wrong.
See you soon, Harry.
Is that an animal carcass? Hey.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I got you.
I got you.
I got you.
Where am I? We're on one of the San Juan Islands.
I remember going into the house a-and grabbing that egg.
Hold up, what egg? On the table, there was a stone It was an egg.
How on earth do you know it was an egg? Because of Harry's lectures about the reproductive cycles of magical creatures.
It's like Tim Burton's version of the birds and the bees.
Were you still holding on to the egg when the lamia attacked? Okay.
Okay, come on.
Where are we going? To stop Maggie from killing an innocent mother.
Come on.
Don't even think about it.
Wait, Maggie, don't! We had it all wrong.
She tried to kill Kaela.
That's enough for me.
- Because I was holding her egg.
- The stone we found at the leprechaun's house.
She's not a vicious killer.
She's just a mama protecting her baby.
Is that true? That means the Tallyman planted the egg with the leprechaun and then blew him up knowing we would take it.
So she would come attack us.
Why? Why would someone pit us against each other like that? Does anyone hear ticking? Jordan.
It's the leprechaun all over again.
The leprechaun that you just said blew up? Hurry, get it off of you.
- I don't feel anything.
- He sneaks it in you.
Like how the leprechaun drank the whiskey.
So it could've been in any drink? I'm not gonna survive this, am I? Then here.
My nest is about five miles due north, next to the waterfall.
The egg has to be in it when it hatches, or it won't survive.
We don't know how much time we have left.
No, no.
No, we have to do something.
Mel, no, we have to do something.
- Go.
- Jordan.
Get away from me! Get my baby to safety! I said go! That was awful.
Hey, you know, at least we got that egg back to the nest.
First the leprechaun.
Then the lamia.
They both exploded while we were with them.
That can't be a coincidence.
It's almost as if He's watching us.
How are we gonna find this guy? He's everywhere but nowhere.
Well, whoever or whatever he is, we all better be at the top of our game.
- Stop! - Wait! Because I was holding her egg.
Why would someone pit us against each other like that? I'm sorry for what I said earlier about you being a bad witch.
You should keep being exactly who you are.
I was just being an ass.
Well, I was being a bigger ass pushing your buttons.
You have every right to grieve Macy however you want, bowl and all.
You know, I think I've always kind of been like a bull in a china shop.
Even when I was a kid.
I mean, that's probably because I'm Adopted.
Makes sense.
Uh, I was gonna say it's It's probably because I'm an only child.
What do you mean, I'm-I'm adopted? Oh.
Kaela, I'm so sorry.
I - I guess I thought you knew.
- Knew what? That my life is a sham and that my parents are liars? - Oh, my God.
- Kaela No.
That's what you get for killing me earlier, dude.
Very good.
Oh, you should've seen your face.
Um, no, my-my parents adopted me when I was a baby, and they're all I've ever known.
Well, your biological parents would be an excellent source of knowledge about your powers.
Could fast-track everything.
I'm not going there.
I've always said that I don't need to know exactly where I come from to know exactly who I am.
The same goes for me and my magic.
I got your text.
Are you in trouble? Is Maggie hurt? Everything's fine.
I was just hoping we could talk? Uh, yeah.
Can I come in? I'm the social media director for the Falcons and volunteering at a shelter for homeless LGBTQ+ kids.
But something tells me we are not here to talk about my life.
No, I want to hear about you.
But you're right.
I was hoping we could talk about the you know.
The proposal? The one where you got down on one knee, like, ten minutes after your sister died and you had just given up your future baby? I admit, the timing was bad.
But I would've turned you down regardless of the timing.
Why? Being with you was wonderful.
It was also difficult.
And lonely.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
No, no, I I need to know.
I want to know.
Well The relationship was All about you and saving the world.
And if I am being really honest I don't know how well you really know me.
What's that? A Malleable Maven.
Exactly what you're not, which is a good thing.
You know, we got off to a rocky start, but I think we're gonna make a great team.
We're gonna kick some ass together, dude.
You're gonna kick ass, I have no doubt, but unfortunately, it's not gonna be with me.
What? What are you talking about? All that friction with your training actually has nothing to do with you.
No, being a Whitelighter just doesn't feel right anymore.
Okay, so Who's gonna train me? Well, the universe has a way of sending the right person.
Uh, on that note, I'm gonna go pee.
And I'm gonna go live a little.
What are you looking at? Not much.
To new beginnings.
I can trust you, right? Most people would say no.
But we're already part of our own club.
And what club is that? The one where we fall in love with someone and then have to spend eternity without them.
How do you feel? "A house without hinges, lock or key, "yet golden treasure lies inside me.
" - Hey.
- "Life, death" Hey.
" and everything in between.
" Okay, we know that's referring to the egg.
"Foe is friend, friend is foe, "but it won't matter when it's time to go.
" That's the lamia.
It's this line I still don't get.
"All will be clear when some is seen.
" Well, I don't know.
Let's not worry about that tonight.
We already got the egg in the nest.
Let's celebrate by taking this bottle of wine upstairs and crawling into bed.
You sure you wouldn't rather go vanquish some demons? I thought we were over that.
Yeah, I did, too, until I saw you with the lamia.
Maggie, you would've killed her if Kaela hadn't have stopped you.
Yeah, well, she did, so I didn't.
You're missing the point.
The Maggie I fell in love with was empathetic first.
So, what is it that you're saying? I'm saying that I can't keep enabling you.
I won't be a part of your fighting anymore.
Jordan, I'm a Charmed One.
It's my job to fight.
This isn't about that, and you know it.
You say you want to save the world from bad.
Maggie, what if that's what you're starting to become? That's a little harsh, don't you think? I think I want to help people.
Heal people.
You know, if you want the same thing, then we can work through this.
But first, you got to figure out what it is you want.
Hi, Dr.
It's Maggie Vera.
Um, I know it's pretty late, but I could use a session.
Hey, beautiful.
Hey, you need someone to talk to? Come on over here, talk to me.
It's kind of an emergency, actually.
- Uh - Where's your man at? You got a man? - I'll be your man.
- Please, just can you call me back? Oh! Yeah, back is even better than the front.
What's your problem? Can't you see I was trying to leave a voice mail? Oh, my bad, sweetheart.
I was just being nice.
Oh, nice? You think it's nice to harass women like that? Hey, I was giving you compliments.
You don't need to be such a bitch.
What did you say to me? I said you're a bitch.

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