Charmed (2018) s04e05 Episode Script

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Sandwich

1 The truth is out there, and they can't hide up in their ivory tower anymore.
The Charmed Ones aren't the heroes we were promised.
Everywhere they go, an innocent creature ends up getting killed.
Are they really Gonna leave the house today? What's the point? using their powers to control the rest of us.
That ogre friend of yours, Louie He's a gnome.
I don't care what he is.
He said they might be hiring at his shop.
Hon, I get you're upset.
That spa paid good money, but You got to find another job eventually.
Assuming this new girl even is a Charmed One, they're the most powerful Fine.
I'll see you tonight.
But where are they when this Tallyman is wreaking havoc on our world, huh? Oh, I'm gonna tell you where.
At some fancy-pants spa! That's where.
And that ticks me off! People in power call us "conspiracy theorists" because they're afraid.
And they know that we know truth, and that's terrifying to them.
My kids haven't been able to sleep in weeks.
Not with this Tallyman on the loose.
Who's fighting for us now that the witches have turned their backs on us? Would you just put that thing down, please? But who will it be? Who's got what it takes to stand up and fight for our freedom? They forced that leprechaun guy to help them find the mysterious Tallyman and once he was no longer useful, they tossed him.
Come on, Donnie.
For God's sake, get off the couch already! Don't you see what this is doing to us? Aah! And you know M is a cursed letter, right? Mags, Mel, Michaela? Think about it.
Everyone knows you can see an M I'm leaving, Donnie.
That damned thing is poisoning your mind, and I don't want to be a part of it anymore.
Well? Are you gonna say anything? What makes them so damn special? I mean, they get replaced faster than a revolving door.
I bet they aren't even sisters.
If you had any idea what those Charmed Ones were really up to Goodbye, Donnie.
I heard the Charmed Ones were the cause of the rising gas prices.
They've got to be stopped before someone else gets hurt, or worse.
I hope you're ready to go where no sandwich has gone before: back in time.
Now let's go find you.
Why won't you stop? Hell yeah.
- What you been up to? - How have you been? I am just You go.
Remember how I told you I was volunteering at a shelter for queer teens who end up homeless? Yeah.
Well, it got shut down.
What? City council marked it for rezoning, and so we decided to take matters into our own hands and set up a temp shelter here.
- We? - Hey, Mel.
So you two are For the last couple months.
I-I thought about, um, telling you earlier, I just, the Timing didn't feel right.
We could use another set of hands if you want to help.
Actually, I got to run.
But, um, congrats, you guys.
This is great.
You okay? You are not going to believe who Ruby is dating.
Kristen Stewart.
Weirdly, that would have been easier to swallow, but no.
She's with Swan.
Plot twist.
Right? I mean, Swan is great, and they oddly make a ton of sense together, but I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
I'm sorry.
A little light reading? Can't stop thinking about the Tallyman.
Those gross hands massaging my scalp.
Then I realized the only way he could have known we were going to that spa was if he was listening to us, here.
That's when I found this.
Look at its eyes.
There's something almost technological about them.
- Hmm.
- Like cameras.
Is it still watching us? No.
I enchanted the jar so we can see in, but It can't see out.
The problem is I've looked through every book we own, and there's nothing on surveillance spiders.
Have you talked to Harry? He might know something about it.
Yeah, I called him, but no answer.
- Have you seen him around lately? - No.
Actually, I can't even tell you the last time I saw him.
You don't think anything's wrong, do you? No.
I'm sure he's fine.
Kaela was out with him not too long ago.
She might know where he is.
Kaela? Do you hear that buzzing? Electric toothbrush? Aah! It's not a toothbrush.
I, um I usually lock it when I'm Brushing your teeth? Yeah.
Yeah, sorry.
It's just, uh, with these powers making my art so dangerous, I've been too scared to paint.
I'm afraid I'll, like, bring a dragon to life that burns down Seattle, so Yeah, that's probably not a good idea.
Yeah, no.
But damn, when I can't paint I get all bottled up inside, you know? - So I got to - There's a magic spider in the house.
- Huh? - Uh, yeah.
We think the Tallyman is using it to spy on us.
Have you seen Harry lately? Last I saw him he was at the Blue Camellia going up to Roxie's office.
But that was, like, a week ago.
Sounds like we owe our girl Roxie a visit.
Well, I'll come.
Let me just get some shoes on, yeah? Since when are you so awkward about that stuff? I'm not being awkward.
"There's a magic spider in the house.
" Oh, excuse me for not wanting to talk about masturbation with someone I barely know.
Okay, but you do realize the Power of Three is working, so she's probably our sister.
Yes, Mel, I get that.
But I'm not ready to start throwing around the "S" word yet.
Not until I know for sure.
Really? You're gonna raise twice and then put down a Zamba Zaraa? Got to say we expected more from someone Who spends all that time with the Charmed Ones.
I told y'all I've never played this game before.
Now, can we please just focus on Elvin Poker and not The Witches Three? You mean the girlfriend you're not talking to? Ugh.
You got to be kidding me.
I know.
Right? Come in! Every time they have a problem they feel the need to take time out of my day to solve it.
It's these new generations.
They just expect everything handed to them instead of doing the work and picking up a book themselves.
Yeah, I'll take care of 'em.
I haven't seen Harry.
Wait, how did you It's my bar.
If anyone so much as sneezes wrong, I know.
Put that down! I'm sorry.
I didn't know your voice could do that.
There are a lot of things you don't know about me.
I love this piece.
The style looks so familiar.
Do you know who painted this? No idea, but my wife loved their work.
Had me hang another one just like it downstairs.
I know the Charmed Ones are here, hiding! Looking out for themselves, like they always do.
So they can either come out and face justice for what they've done or, in 30 minutes, I'll make sure this bar and every creature in it goes up in flames.
We have to get down there before he hurts someone else.
I can't let you do that.
It's kind of our job.
You use any sort of magic on him, including your precious Power of Three, and we're all gonna die.
Those crystals in his gloves, it's called Annihilation Quartz.
Tell me you've heard of it.
Uh Right.
Then I'll keep this simple.
Now that it's activated, if he claps his hands together, we all blow up.
You use your powers or a spell on him, the magic bounces back on you and we all blow up.
But then, if we do nothing, in half an hour We all blow up.
In the old days, I would have just doused him with Egyptian nightshade.
It's all natural, so it wouldn't trigger the quartz.
But we haven't carried that in ages.
What if we could go back in time? Take him down the second he enters the bar, before he activates the quartz? Is that something we do? No.
No, it's not.
Actually, I've been experimenting.
On what? A turkey sandwich.
You've been time travelling a turkey sandwich? I can't be the one who goes, but I can send you two.
Just ten minutes back in time.
You can kick this guy's ass.
As long as I know when and where you are, I can peer back through time to that exact place and moment, and when I touch you, it'll pull you back into the present.
Wait, are you actually considering this cockamamie plan? What other choice do we have? I think it sounds kind of fun.
Okay, just do it before I change my mind.
Remember, do not leave the bar, or I won't be able to find you.
Don't worry.
I got this.
They're not there.
You mean your ridiculous time travel plan went dangerously awry? Where the hell did I send them? Where the hell did she send us? Oh, yeah.
Excuse me.
Could you tell us what year it is? Same year it's been all year, doll face.
Yeah, yeah, that's right! Don't hurt him, baby! Sit down, Jake, or I'll smoke you out.
So this is real then.
Mel actually sent us to the '20s.
Yeah, the wrong '20s.
If she's looking for us in 2022, then She's never gonna find us, and we'll be stuck here forever.
Okay, what about Roxie? Okay, Harry said that she's practically immortal.
So what if we could just find her now and then tell her what's gonna happen in the future? Yes.
Then she'll be ready for the attack, and we won't have been sent here in the first place.
Kaela, you're a genius.
Wait, wait, is that actually how time travel works? All I know is if I think about it too much, - my head is going to explode.
- Okay.
Hi, um, is Roxie around? We're old friends.
Sorry, she's out on business.
She'll be back in a few hours, though.
A few hours? Mel's gonna be dead in, like, 20 minutes.
No, she's not.
She's not even gonna be in trouble for another 96 years? Oh, God, now I think my head's gonna explode.
The point is, we have plenty of time to wait for Roxie.
I think.
The trick is not getting smoked out of here - while we do that.
- Hm.
I wouldn't even know where to begin looking for a Blue Camellia matchbook in 1926.
How about we start by finding a couple of flapper dresses, because we straight-up look like time travelers right now, dude.
- I can do you one better.
- What? Glamour powder.
I never leave the house without it.
I lost them.
I actually lost them.
They could be in ancient Rome or some future robo-apocalypse.
Or the '80s.
Oh, God.
Mel, you are just gonna have to trust them to find a way back, 'cause my people are under attack down there.
And as much as it pains me to say this, I need your help.
You're right.
Maybe I could use my powers to-to lower the temperature.
You've officially lost the right to come up with plans.
I have tunnels that lead anywhere in this bar.
I'm gonna sneak down to the entrance, blow out as many candles as I can until I find the one that belongs to that psychotic hobgoblin, and smoke him out of here.
What about me? You stay put.
This office has a protective seal.
Now that I've turned it on, nothing gets in.
I thought you said you needed my help.
I do.
You're the distraction.
Open this damn door! I know you're in there.
Everyone saw you go in, you cowards.
You, bartender.
How do I get in? I, uh I don't know.
Don't lie to me.
I'm not.
I swear.
She's got protective rooms all over the place.
What's your name, buddy? This has nothing to do with you, buddy.
No, I just want to know your name.
It's Donnie.
I'm Jordan.
Oh, sorry.
Listen, Donnie, I have a bit of a sixth sense about people, and I know you're not a bad guy.
So why don't you tell me what it is you want? What I want is to save us from those three tyrants up there who think they can do whatever they want just 'cause they were born into magical royalty! Okay, okay.
That's a lot to unpack, but why don't we start with that cut on your face, hmm? Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell are you doing? Don't do that.
You can't use magic anywhere near Annihilation Quartz.
You'll blow us all up.
My bad.
My bad.
Still new to this.
But, homie, you could be looking at a permanent scar if we don't do something about that wound.
I've got a first aid kit.
See? What do you say, Donnie? You want to go full Scarface or a little help from your friendly neighbourhood medic? All right.
But, um, make it fast.
- Here you are, ladies.
- Thank you.
Okay, is it just me, or is this place suddenly A whole lot Blacker? Yeah.
I mean, it makes sense, right? There would have been not many places to go out safely back then, especially in the U.
So I feel like if you were Black and magical, this This would have been the place to be.
Y-Your dad was Black, right? Yeah, my bio-dad, Dexter.
But never knew him.
My mom and the dad who raised me are both Puerto Rican, so, I didn't really grow up with any of this.
Yeah, I get it.
I was raised Ghanaian.
I always just kind of figured that's who I was, and then, when I was 12, my parents were like, "Eh, so, about that" - That makes you dizzy, right? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, like when you step off a boat and the whole world's out of balance.
It's like, whoa! This is a private party.
I don't recall seeing either of you dames come in here.
Uh - That's That - Well, that's because we're - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Nice try.
Time to go.
- Uh, ah No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
We're friends with Roxie.
- And I'm in a book club with Al Capone.
- Wait.
We're not with the party.
We're the entertainment.
Lady C doesn't like sharing her stage with anyone.
Ain't that right, Lady C? Don't get your rags in a wrinkle, Carl.
They're with me.
But they better be the bee's knees, 'cause I have a reputation to uphold.
You said that we can't get kicked out, so I panicked.
Oh, my God.
Don't even think about touching my crystals.
All it takes is one clap, and Fiery inferno.
Yeah, I got that.
- What are you looking at? - Nothing.
Get you a bandage.
Answer it.
It's for you.
What? Hello, Donnie.
You're one of them, aren't you? My name is Mel and, yes, I am a Charmed One.
But whatever you think we did, I am telling you it's not true.
Of course it's true.
I was there at Ripples.
Saw the whole thing.
I lost my job 'cause you three screwed up doing yours.
I'm sorry we couldn't save the spa.
But at least we saved the people in it.
You mean like how you saved Frank the Leprechaun? Or that poor Lamia? How do you know about that? Your days of operating in the shadows are over.
We have the information now.
We have the power.
And we've got questions, Melanie Vera.
Why should we even believe you three are so charmed Why are all the candles red? So why don't you show us your birth certificates, huh? Speaking of which, what's with all these ridiculous "M" names? You know it's a cursed letter, right? Everyone What the hell happened down there? He must have put a hex on the candles.
Now, if anyone tries to leave, they die.
Are you sure it was him? - What do you mean? - I mean, that seems really smart for a guy who's clearly not.
Maybe he had help.
- Someone on the inside.
- No.
No one down there would ever sell this place out.
Fine, but I am done waiting around for someone else to get hurt.
Where, exactly, are you going with that? I may not be able to use magic on him, but I can cut off his hand to get to that quartz.
I'll show you the way.
Hey, sister, go, sister soul sister Go, sister Hey, sister.
Let's pick things up.
Come on now.
Come on now.
Hey, sister, go, sister, soul sister, go, sister He met Marmalade down in old New Orleans Struttin' her stuff on the street She said, "Hello, hey, Joe, you wanna give it a go?" Gitchie, gitchie ya-ya, da-da Gitchie, gitchie ya-ya here Mocha choco-lata, ya-ya Creole Lady Marmalade I put these tunnels in back in the day to hide creatures whenever there was a vittra raid.
- I take it you've met one.
- Oh, I've met one.
He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up The boy drank all that Magnolia wine On the black satin sheets That's where he started to freak Gitchie, gitchie ya-ya, da-da Gitchie, gitchie ya-ya here Mocha choco-lata, ya-ya Creole Lady Marmalade Ooh Voulez-vous coucher avec moi Ce soir? Nobody move! God, it's a vittra.
Keep it together, Donnie.
You're in charge here.
You have the power.
You can do this.
You can do this.
Now, there's got to be some kind of secret tunnel back here.
Are you all right? This is my fight now, not yours.
I knew it! Sunny? Everyone sit down.
Didn't she already get eaten by a purse? That won't happen for many, many years.
Roses are red, camellias are blue.
Someone was naughty, and that someone is You! I'll deal with bag lady from hell, - you help Lady C.
- Okay.
Hey! You don't want to do this.
I have to do this.
That muse has been driving humans wild all over Paris, and she must be punished.
For all our safety.
You're gonna have to deal with me first Bitch.
Stay back.
It's okay.
I'm here to help.
That exact same vittra tried to kill me, like, three weeks ago.
Well, three weeks and 96 years, but I can't explain that right now.
- What are you? - I'm a friend.
You need to tell me, why is she after you? Because I'm a muse.
I love the stage more than anything in the world.
But sometimes when I dance in front of people, they can occasionally go a bit batty.
Um, why don't you just stop, or dance here instead? Have you ever been to the Folies Bergére in Paris? Those lights, that crowd.
It's like oxygen.
Doesn't it scare you? Your power could cause something terrible to happen.
Not as much as it scares me to imagine a life away from the stage.
Who are you? Come on, Donnie.
Don't you recognize my voice? After all those chats on your GemCast? You're the one who sent me the matchbook.
And tipped me off when they got here.
And put a hex on the candles.
But don't worry.
I'm not keeping a tab.
Just happy to support a fellow unseen creature.
Why? Because I believe in something, Donnie.
A future beyond our wildest dreams.
One where we don't need the Charmed Ones.
What were you thinking? I'll be fine.
Her claw missed my heart.
It's your fault for spilling that damn perfume.
What? Belonged to my wife.
She was almost killed by vittras once a long time ago.
If it wasn't for these two strangers, I would have lost her.
But when I s Smelled her perfume, I couldn't let that happen again.
Unless you want me to do that to one of Seymour's other arms, I suggest you leave.
Hmm? Are you okay? See you in 96 years.
Enough, Donnie.
No one else gets hurt.
You wanted a Charmed One? You got one.
Here you go.
You all right? Hotsy-totsy.
The perfume you're wearing, it's the same stuff that Roxie had.
So, you met my wife.
- Your wife? You're - Mm-hmm.
Lady C's my stage name.
I What are those? Oh, they're power cuffs.
They, uh, shut off any magical ability.
Of course a vittra would carry these around.
Are you saying if I wear one of those, I can dance at the Folies without causing a stampede of horny men and women? Uh, did I miss something? Just give her a cuff.
You have no idea what this means to me, getting to keep doing my art.
I can't wait to tell Roxie.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I-I know why Mel sent us to the '20s.
And I know how we can get a message back to her.
That painting that I liked in the future? It's not here.
That's because I'm the one who painted it.
Or, at least, I'm going to.
Do you remember the date on it? March 3rd.
That's today.
That was you.
It will be with my powers shut off.
Mel must have been thinking about that date before she whooshed us back here, so if we can get paintings all over the bar to make sure she sees one, then maybe she can pull us back home.
I do know a spell to set an alarm.
I mean, I haven't set a timer for 96 years before, but it's worth a shot.
Now I can finally show the world what a pathetic excuse for heroes you are.
Where are the other two? - Kaela.
- What about Kaela? What are you doing? The hell? Behind you.
Where did you find Egyptian nightshade? More like "when?" I'm not one for grand gestures of appreciation, but thank you.
You ought to thank Jordan.
He healed the wound.
But you saved the bar.
No, I can't.
Trust me.
It's a good scent on you.
Mel? You should come and see this.
And do the research yourself.
These Charmed Ones? Assuming this new girl even is a Charmed One.
They're the most powerful witches alive, but where are they while this Tallyman's wreaking havoc on our world? Huh? Oh, I'm gonna tell you where.
At some fancy-pants spa.
That's That is completely out of context.
Doesn't matter.
Tallyman has people scared.
And scared people need someone to blame for their fear.
But how can they blame us? They have no idea what we've been through, Mel.
What we've lost.
That's why it's so easy for people like Donnie to buy into all the lies.
Reputations are temporary.
Just like glamour powder, apparently.
If we can stop the Tallyman, we can silence the trolls.
And start telling people the truth.
Uh, Mel? Good morning.
I hope you don't mind me helping out.
Oh, of course I don't mind.
Uh, I just thought you'd be avoiding me for a while.
Well, I, I was at first.
And then I realized that there are more important things than my sad little love life.
And the truth is, is that I'm happy for you and Swan.
- Can I get a hand? - Yeah, sure.
Is that new perfume? It's not mine, actually.
Oh, Melanie Vera.
Are you seeing someone? Mm.
We'll see.
Nice trip? What have you done to me? Our dad and his buddy ChooChi tracked it down in Budapest.
I don't know how they found it, but it showed up in the mail today.
It's called a filiation frame.
All you have to do is apply a drop of blood to the canvas, recite a spell, and it should reveal My bio-parents.
- Okay.
- Hey, Kaela? Before you do this, I I just want to say I'm sorry if I ever Made you feel like you weren't a real sister.
Oh, dude, you have nothing to apologize for.
The "S" word? It's a big one.
Well, when we were in the past, I, I definitely felt something between us.
I know.
I felt it, too.
I just knew somehow that the three of us, we're sisters.
Like, real sisters.
Then I say we find out the truth and make this thing official.
Let's do it.
Just here? From child's blood to mother's soul and father's heart, reveal in full.
Are those your parents? No.
I've never seen those people before in my life.
Then who the hell am I?
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