Chuck s03e02 Episode Script

Chuck Versus the Three Words

I'm Chuck.
Here are a few things you need to know.
There is an undercover DEA agent in the courtyard.
- I knew it was you.
Your cover? - Carina.
- That's beautiful.
- My mom's charm bracelet.
We could run together.
We have to go.
This is it.
- Are you coming? - I can't.
They wanted me to be a spy.
Really important people told me they thought I could change the world.
I acted impulsively, and it won't happen again.
You're a spy now, Chuck.
You have to keep your feelings to yourself.
Yeah, can I call you back? I'm just in the middle of something for work.
Yeah, me too.
I love you too, Smooshy.
All right! I feel the same And I wanna meet her God, it feels like I haven't been off duty in years.
- How long you in town for anyway? - I plan on getting out quick.
Los Angeles has the cultural panache of a Porta-Potty.
I've missed you.
So why are you still here? How long can you have to protect some doofus at a stereo store? I don't really wanna talk about work.
Ah.
So you're sleeping with him.
We have a very professional relationship.
Without being disrespectful.
Oh.
- What? - Nothing.
You're just really into him.
- Can we please not talk about Chuck? - Oh, my God, Walker.
- What? - You broke the cardinal rule of spying didn't you? You're breaking the rule of getting dumped.
- Talk about something other than Sarah.
- Yeah, we could.
Except you're moping.
I am not moping.
- What are we doing here? - Could you pause the game? I know you're upset about Sarah, but there's no pause button on life.
What I'm trying to say, we are two sexy bachelors with the world at our fingertips.
Our lives are incredible.
Yeah, incredibly average to subpar.
Look, all I'm saying is there's gotta be They can't all say no to us.
Blew out of the crib.
Looking cool in the blazer.
Had the shoes with the blazer.
Don't get rich, Chuck.
Ha-ha.
Here we go.
Thirsty, ladies? Cosmo, piña colada, Mai Tai, rum and Coke, gin and tonic? Well-hydrated already.
Well-hydrated.
Buddy, I don't know if I'm ready for this.
No one's asking you to fall in love.
We're here to have you forget about Sarah for a little while.
Oh, my God.
It's Sarah.
What? What? What do you mean Sarah? My Sarah? Technically, she's single if you think about Yes, your Sarah.
And she's with Carina.
Think she'd remember me? We did go on that date.
- Tall women have short memories.
Okay.
I'm gonna go and do a little spy work, buddy.
- Yeah, yeah.
- So you go and get some drinks.
And I'll kind of suss out the situation with Carina.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi, Carina.
Long time.
- Wow, what a nice surprise.
- And, Sarah, good to see you tonight.
- Sorry.
Chuck.
What are you doing here? Are you spying on me? No, I'm just out for an innocent evening with an old friend.
Yeah, what do you want? Yeah, we're just out here soaking in the sights and sounds of whatever the evening may bring.
- Great.
Good.
Great.
Hey.
Hey, babe.
- Hey, baby.
I'm so glad you're both here.
I can tell you our great news at the same time.
- This is my fiancé, Karl.
- Wow.
Sarah Walker, my best friend.
- And Chuck, her boyfriend.
- Chuck.
- Right.
Chuck the boyfriend, that's me.
- Great to meet you guys.
- Nice to meet you.
- You too.
That's crazy.
It's so nice to finally put a face to all the amazing stories that we've heard for so long.
Yeah.
Or short, depending on the length of your courtship.
It's really great to meet you.
You're exactly how Carina described you.
To the T.
Thank you.
Love really has made me a better man.
What about you, Chuck? What about me? Oh, love, yeah.
Love is a powerful tonic, is it not? - I love you, Smooshy.
- I love you, Smoosh.
I'm really sorry to cut this short, guys.
I've booked a romantic dinner for two.
Go do it, yeah.
- I'll meet you at the valet? - Okay.
I'll miss you, Smoosh.
Miss you more, Smooshy.
- Okay, guys, good seeing you.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, for sure.
Congratulations.
You guys seem really in love.
Oh! I hate to tell you, Karl's not who you think he is.
- He's a bad man.
He's a - An arms dealer? Yeah, my mark.
What, you think I'm an idiot? It's the cardinal rule: Spies don't fall in love.
Welcome to your new mission.
Oh, look who's back.
- Only thing that changes are the clothes.
Everything's about to change, people.
Bet you're wondering why I'm wearing my Sunday finery.
Because I am here to do my finest every day.
Question is, are you? Oh, that's not a rhetorical question.
Yes.
The answer is yes.
- Ham.
With Emmett gone Buy More has given me a second chance to manage here.
I do not take that responsibility lightly.
I've learned much from my business class at El Segundo School of Finance.
I intend to apply that knowledge here.
Do you know that the Japanese have no word for no? Seven hundred thirty ways to say yes, but no word for no.
When we are selling we no longer understand the meaning of the word no.
No, Morgan.
I do not have any more intel on the guy Carina left the club with.
Okay, but I still got a shot here, right? I mean, she can't have real feelings for this guy.
That's a safe assumption.
Who is this alleged female you reference? Just some girl.
Carina is not just some girl, okay? She's basically a Swedish supermodel.
The country's greatest export since Björn Borg.
People mistake me for him all the time.
We dated a couple of years ago, hooked up.
And just kind of drifted apart.
She's back in town, thinking about hitting that.
Morgie, there's no way a girl like you could ever get a woman like you're describing here.
It seems.
Funny though, because if she wasn't into me, what is she doing here? Hello, can I help you with a computer or computer-related software? - What are you doing here? - You're needed, Agent Romeo.
Well, she seems really into you.
Agent Miller has been working undercover for the CIA playing the girlfriend of suspected smuggler Karl Stromberg.
We've learned $10 million was recently wired into Stromberg's account.
We don't know what this weapon is, but someone's willing to pay a lot for it.
- We gotta get it.
- Thanks for being on the case.
My engagement party is today at Karl's house.
Sarah and Chuck will enter as my best friend and her boyfriend.
- The cover they established at the club.
- Mr.
Bartowski, that a problem? - I'm cool.
No problem-o.
- And Casey will pose as my father.
- Check your math.
I'll play your brother.
- That's a bit of a stretch.
Yeah, Casey, I think you have dungarees that are older than Carina.
Colonel, you will assume the identity of Agent Miller's uncle.
Carina's father's much younger brother.
Karl's storing the weapon in a gold case inside a vault adjacent to his bedroom.
During Karl's toast, Sarah and Chuck will slip out, break in and apprehend it.
He keeps the key in a secured area in his pants - which I can easily access.
- I'll bet you can.
Karl also just installed a state-of-the-art security system in the vault room.
So I hope the two of you can handle anything you find there.
- Uh, "any" is kind of a broad word.
Chuck is just being modest.
His recent training has equipped him to handle any security obstacle.
- There won't be a problem.
- Better not be.
This whole mission rides on you, Chuck.
What a surprise.
Carina is almost 6 feet of pure Swede.
That's over 182 centimeters of Lapland, you know what I mean? Stop it, Grimes.
This is pathetic.
As if a hot piece of tuchus like that would get near a dirty tref like you.
- I could totally nail that if I wanted it.
- If you're a stallion, prove it.
Ask her out.
Oh, listen, I know she's kind of seeing someone I didn't see a ring on her perfect finger.
Well, I'm slow-playing it.
I just You snooze, you lose boobs.
We checked Chuck's calendar software and noticed Ellie and her pin-up husband are away at some doctor thing.
So it is the perfect time for us to throw you a housewarming party.
- I don't know.
- I'll even prepare my special punch.
- You'll have home-field advantage.
- Are you ready to say yes, lover boy? - Yes.
Of course, yes.
- Yes, yes.
Carina will be there too.
Party is on, nerds.
- Party is on! - Yeah! Party, party, party.
All right, all right.
Let's take a look here, buddy.
Let me see.
Look at me.
Neither.
Um, why are you so dressed up? Date? Getting back together with Sarah? - It's not a date, and no.
- Well, who is this not-date with? Huh.
- Probably should answer that, maybe.
- Yeah, thanks.
Hi.
Yeah.
Almost out the door.
Hmm.
Here.
This charm bracelet looks like what some sucker in love might wear.
Uh, no, it's not really my thing.
You wanna talk about what happened with him? When we wrap this mission maybe you should come with me on my next assignment.
I know it's not Burbank, but you can make the best of St.
- Tropez.
Right? Do you ever wonder about a different life? You mean like if all this was real? If we were really getting ready for my engagement party? Yeah.
No.
I thought you guys were done.
- Yeah, we're talking a little.
Good for you.
Glad to hear it.
Is Carina gonna be there? You seen my keys? - I could come with, you know? Run a comb through my beard.
Takes two seconds.
- It's actually not that kind of party.
- Don't worry about it.
Do me a favor, though.
Could you get this to her? Her invitation to our party.
Please.
Fine, I will give Carina your flyer if you find my keys.
Right, your keys.
- Should have known.
- Have fun.
Congratulations.
You are gonna have the most amazing life.
You are a very lucky man, Karl.
- Thanks, Chuck.
I'm sure you're gonna be next up the altar.
- I'd be the happiest guy in the world.
- He really would be.
Oh, sweetheart, I wanna introduce you to my Uncle Johnny, Daddy's brother.
- Kid brother.
How are you? - Nice to see you.
It is great to finally meet one of Carina's family.
I'm not too sure about the, uh, resemblance though.
Oh, uh, Daddy and Uncle Johnny share the same thick neck and square head.
Baby lamb chops, 12 o'clock.
There we go.
Ha-ha.
Thanks.
The master bedroom access point is at your 6 o'clock.
We'll move when the room is distracted by the toast.
Sarah, listen.
I feel like there's been this thing hanging over us.
You know, ever since Prague.
I mean, I miss you.
- Will you excuse us for a second? - Sure.
I miss this.
I miss us.
Karl's on the move.
- Wait.
- I'll be right there.
Look, look, look.
What I'm trying to say is, even though we're on a mission it feels good to hang out together, to talk as friends.
Kind of like we did before.
What is he doing? I mean, what do you think? - It's just a cover, Chuck.
What the hell are you doing to my mission? You and Sarah are supposed to be a happy couple.
Look, ever since I got back from Prague, Sarah's been so cold.
You idiot.
The reason Sarah's cold is because she loves you.
Now, get your head out of your ass and go be a spy.
Sarah, hey.
Sarah, Sarah, Sarah.
Carina said something to me.
I really need to talk to you.
Okay, Chuck, we need to focus on the mission.
Carina is getting the key.
Come on.
I bet you know that toast by heart now, hmm? Yeah, pretty much, darling.
You're gonna do great, Smoosh.
Thank you, Smooshy.
Oh, what did a bloke like me do to deserve someone like you? Okay, shall we do this? - Yes, let's do it.
I'd like to make a toast to my beautiful bride-to-be.
Since the first time I met Carina I knew I'd found the woman I wanted to spend rest of my life with.
I've never met anyone more real, more honest, more good.
Not never.
A toast to the future Mrs.
Stromberg.
Cheers.
- I love you, Smooshy.
- I love you, Smoosh.
Um, is that it? Uh, no.
Also, may our first child be a masculine child.
Hear, hear.
- Can we talk for just a quick second? - No time.
Carina, we just got to the vault.
We need more time.
Wait.
I just know that my Uncle Johnny is dying to say something.
Johnny, come on.
- All right.
I'm not ordinarily a man of many words.
Or any words, for that matter.
But in this case, I'm willing to make an exception.
I remember when I first set eyes on sweet Carina.
I was practically just a boy when my big brother brought home the most beautiful baby girl in the world.
- No way.
- I'm so proud of Carina.
So beautiful, so giving, so warm and kind.
Approachable, so good at conversation.
All of those qualities are reflected in the man that she's chosen to be her life partner.
Sarah, no.
I can't get around these without setting the alarm off.
- It's impossible.
- You can do this.
The Intersect can do this.
Just focus and don't think of anything else.
Relax.
Okay.
All right, I'm relaxed.
Relax, okay.
I'm not flashing, Sarah.
- Maybe if we can talk for a second.
- Okay, Chuck, I am right here.
We can talk about what you wanna talk about later.
We just have to get our hands on that weapon first.
We'll talk, I promise.
Okay, now we can talk.
Whoa! - Damn it.
And I just know that if my brother were still alive today.
Well.
He'd wanna say welcome to the family.
And take care of our little girl.
Don't worry, Uncle Johnny.
Deep breaths, let it all out.
- I don't like small spaces.
- Just keep breathing.
Chuck, you're gonna be fine.
Gas.
Gas.
Gas! There's gas in here! Sarah, I'll be taking exclusively short breaths from now on.
Okay, hold on, Chuck.
I'm gonna get you out of there.
Sarah, I don't wanna regret not telling you everything I need to tell to you.
I'm not a normal spy.
You know that, I know that.
I'm a regular guy who works at a Buy More.
And the decision that I made in Prague.
I know it looks like I chose being a spy over you.
That's not what happened.
How I felt about you was real.
It was very, very real.
I know that you know how I've felt about you for a long time.
But when Carina told me what you said those three words I've waited to hear for so long.
Look, Sarah, I know I know you're probably very hurt.
You're probably hurt I didn't run away with you in Prague.
A toast to Karl and Carina.
Cheers.
- Their love is an inspiration to us all.
Sarah, I love you.
Good job recovering the weapon.
- How is the asset doing? - He'll live.
What is this thing, general? I've never seen a weapon like it before.
That information is above your pay grade, Colonel Casey.
Agent Miller will return it to Langley on her way to her next assignment.
You never saw it.
They wouldn't tell me either.
Hey, Walker.
Did you think about my offer? I'm still considering it.
- Agent Walker.
Is everything okay? - It's about Chuck's safety.
I thought he just needed some sleep.
It's about me managing Chuck and keeping his emotions in check so that the Intersect can work.
I think I'm more part of the problem than the solution.
And I think a different agent might have more success in training him.
Let me be clear, Agent Walker.
I don't know or want to know what happened between you two.
But this is your job, and Chuck's safety depends on you.
So get over it and teach him how to be a real spy.
Well, time to train, Chuck.
Let's go.
Lives are on the line.
We need to get the 2.
0 working right.
You wanna be a real spy? You need to act like one.
I am a real spy.
A real spy would have flashed on the bo.
Been able to defend himself.
Come on.
The program is in the 2.
0.
You can do this.
It doesn't work, okay? It's not working.
I'm too emotional.
- If we could talk quick - Learn to ignore your emotions.
Spies do not have feelings.
Feelings get you killed.
You need to learn to bury them in a place deep inside.
Sarah, stop.
Come on.
Flash, show me your attack skills.
Come on, Chuck, flash.
Show me.
- No.
- Why not? Because I don't wanna hurt you.
Don't worry, Chuck.
You can't.
Yeah.
I've been tracking her all morning.
She's in Burbank.
Hey, seeing as how you didn't come home last night I assume everything went great with Sarah.
Nice.
I need to know if you gave the flyer to Carina.
I need her to come to this party.
- My whole reputation is at stake here.
- Charles can't save you from this lie.
Not this time.
A humiliation like this will leave a deep-lasting scar.
I know.
I know.
- Is that the girl you fancy, son? - "Fancy" is not a big enough word.
I don't think she's gonna agree to come to this party, though.
And I exaggerated about my relationship with Carina to the guys.
And truth is, I don't think she even knows my real name.
A fine fish like that don't swim in a man like yours' ocean very often.
Are you gonna toss your hook in the water or cut bait? Remember, 730 words in the Japanese language for yes.
You just need her to say one.
Right.
Right.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Martin.
I need a favor.
My laptop broke.
Will you give this to Chuck? Uh.
On one condition, okay? You come to my party.
Fine.
Whatever.
Just promise you'll give this to Chuck.
Smooshy, you haven't been returning my calls.
I'm starting to think you've been getting cold feet.
What's going on, Smoosh? Last night, somebody stole something very valuable from me.
Now, I'm thinking you're not who you say you are.
I'm thinking you're a spy.
A spy? Well, that's ridiculous.
It's me, Smoosh.
I love you.
I'm not like Carina.
Some cold-hearted spy who throws around words like "love.
" - I'm gonna kill you, Chuck Bartowski.
- No, Carina.
I'm gonna kill Chuck.
Don't worry, Smooshy, you're next.
She's got that kinda booty.
Lift them up Come here and do me.
She's got that kinda booty That'll drive you loony.
She's got that kind of booty Back it up and bring it to me.
- Good news, buddy.
Your girl is here.
- She is? Of course she is.
What did I tell you, huh? - Right.
- All right.
Hoo.
So good like chewy candy.
In the middle of M-I-AMI Come and sit down on my jammie.
We can do it in a big old bed No need to give me good old And she showed up with four guys? And no beer.
Thanks a lot.
Now our party is a sausage fest.
Loser.
So, what's the news on Carina? Anything I can do? Every branch of U.
S.
Intelligence is looking for her, Chuck.
America's best and brightest are on the case.
You just sit tight.
Is this the Chuck Bartowski apartment? - It's kind of both of ours - This is VIP only, gentlemen.
Martin, where's Chuck and Sarah? On their way, I guess.
I see you brought some of your relatives? - Call Chuck.
Tell him I'm here.
- Okay.
All right, did I ? Did I not say VIP? I'm gonna allow that one.
Boys, easy, easy.
We don't wanna get physical.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, where are you? I'm in the middle of something.
Hold on a second.
Please, I need your advice about Carina.
- What about Carina? Well, she's here.
I took Big Mike's advice from El Segundo School of Finance, asked her to come.
She said yes.
You're telling me Carina is at our apartment right now? That's not the problem.
Shows up with her boyfriend and three Aqua Velvas throwing everybody around.
You know, I can't believe it.
Yeah.
I can believe it.
She humiliated me in front of my friends and I think I'm gonna go tell her off.
No, no, no, Morgan, stay away.
- Why? - Because it's dangerously uncool.
Women love mystery, buddy.
You gotta be aloof.
Promise me that you will stay away.
Yeah.
All right, whatever.
I'll try your way.
Thanks.
Those studs are gonna ruin our chances with the medium-hot chicks from Underpants Unlimited.
We don't stand a chance, Jeffrey.
I've been drinking this Jail Juice since I was in diapers.
Built up a tolerance.
I'll challenge them to a drinking contest and they'll pass out.
By process of elimination, we land the ladies.
- Yes.
- I love it.
Bottoms up, fellas.
Grab your own.
Help yourselves.
Oh, hey, Skip.
Thank you.
- Hey.
- What are you doing? Whoa! Whoa! Easy, easy.
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
- It's okay.
Easy.
He's just hammered.
- Get him out.
Easy, gentle giants.
I plan to join him at the bottom of this glass.
Gentlemen lift up your skirts and start your engines.
Well put, Jeffrey.
Juice? Another one.
Jefferson, no need to waste these.
To you, my friend.
Guy's got no tolerance.
It's nice to see you think so much of the ring I bought you.
You try anything like that again and I'll kill you right here, Smooshy.
Whoa, hey, stop.
What are you thinking? You can't go out there blasting.
My friends are out there.
Half the mall is there.
- Got a better plan, Bartowski? I do.
Carina is still alive, which means she hasn't given Karl the case.
Which means we have something to negotiate with peacefully.
Chuck's right.
Where's the weapon? Unbelievable.
Cuddling with my girl in my house? All right, that's it.
Bearded bogey incoming.
Martin.
Did you speak to Chuck? First things first.
My name is not Martin.
It's Morgan.
Morgan Guillermo Grimes.
Memorize it.
Just because you're a woman I'd give a non-vital organ to make love to doesn't give you the right to - Wait a minute.
- And humiliate me.
- Who is this todger? - You gotta be kidding.
Do me a favor.
Take a hike.
- Right.
- And take the slabs of beef.
You don't have time to deal with a dead body, sweetheart.
Okay, pull out, boys.
- Back it up, bitches.
- What? - Morgan, maybe you should leave.
- Yeah.
My house, my party.
I think you need to leave.
Yeah, that's right, hottie.
Bounce.
All right? Fun fact for you: 730 words in the Japanese language for the word yes.
No word for no.
If there was a Japanese word for no, I'd be saying it to you now.
Instead I'll leave you with this: Sayonara.
You wanted Chuck to have this? No! Give it to him yourself.
I'm done.
Let's go.
Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way.
No one's ever said no to me before.
Idiot.
Now they have both Carina and the weapon.
No negotiating now.
Wait.
There's gotta be something.
There's gotta be a contingency plan in case enemy agents infiltrate my apartment.
A button that calls the cavalry so they can clear everyone out? - Where's the button? - Me.
I'm the button.
Break it up.
The party's over.
Damn kids.
Get out of here.
That's it, go on.
Get out of here.
Get out.
Here.
You're gonna need a weapon.
No.
No guns.
I hate guns.
You know that.
Think of it as a bo.
- Sorry to disturb your sleep, sir.
- No problem.
Drop your weapons.
Put it down.
I should have known by your paint-peeling speech Uncle Johnny was a narc too.
- Drop the gun, lover boy.
- I'm having the worst day of my life.
So I don't give a fat crap.
Sarah, drop your guns.
Casey, drop your guns.
Trust me.
Get their guns.
- Let her go, Karl.
- You shoot me, I shoot her.
I don't care.
This bitch has broken my heart.
- She dies.
- I get it, man.
I get it, okay? You took a chance.
You loved someone, maybe for the first time in your life.
All you've ever done before is shut off your feelings.
You bury them deep down inside.
Because in your profession, in your line of work, it's a liability, right? It's.
It can certainly be a liability.
And I know.
I know you think you messed up your life because you opened up your heart.
But maybe you helped her open up her heart in the process.
Maybe because you loved her she's learned how to love too.
He's right, Karl.
I did fall in love with you.
Maybe at first, you were just an assignment.
But not anymore.
Really? Ah! Yeah, right, stupid.
Spies don't fall in love.
Don't touch it, Mr.
Bartowski.
I was thinking that maybe if I looked at it, I could flash.
No, thank you, Chuck.
All I need to know is that it's back in safe hands.
Colonel Casey will stay with it until a team arrives to secure it.
That is all.
We can't keep this a secret anymore.
It's too dangerous.
We need to tell them.
They need to be prepared.
Shaw.
Please.
I'm listening if there's something that you wanna say.
I'm sure there's somewhere else you'd rather be.
No, I'm good here, for now.
You're right.
I'm not a real spy.
I'm emotional, and that makes me a liability.
Not always.
You might not have flashed, but you did your job.
You got to Karl, you talked him down.
And if it weren't for your emotions, he would have killed Carina.
It's quite a mess we made.
Yeah.
I'm really hoping we can clean it up.
Maybe.
But you're on your own with the courtyard.
I'll see you at work tomorrow.
Morgan.
Dude, I'm all alone cleaning up your mess.
This better have been worth it, buddy.
Wow.
Wow.
Why did you? No one's ever said no to me before.
It's sexy.
Was I ? Or was it? Eh, I've had better.
- Yeah, of course.
- But not many.
Yes.
So St.
- Tropez doesn't sound appealing to you? Uh, incredibly.
But I think I'm gonna stay here.
At least for now.
I thought you'd say that.
Here.
A little going-away present.
You should take a look at it.
Okay.
- So I guess I'll see you around, huh? - Yeah.
Bye.
Look, Sarah, I know I know that you're probably very hurt.
You're probably hurt that I didn't run away with you in Prague.
I did that and I'm sorry.
You have to know that you were everything that I ever wanted.
But how could I run away with you? How could I be with you knowing what I'd turned my back on? Knowing that what I had in my head could help a lot of people.
And you're the one that taught me that being a spy is about choosing something bigger.
It's about putting aside your own personal feelings for the greater good, and that's what I chose.
I chose to be a spy for my friends and my family and you.
I chose to be a spy because Sarah, I love you.