Chuck s03e14 Episode Script

Chuck Versus the Honeymooners

Hi, I'm Chuck.
Here's a few things you need to know.
This is General Beckman of the NSA.
I am calling to say that you are officially a member of Operation Bartowski.
- We need a few more days in Paris.
- No, I want you back ASAP.
Compartment service.
- So sorry to bother you.
- Right.
I'll take it from here.
But wait, uh, wouldn't you prefer for me to carve? - I'm pretty good with knives.
- Ah.
Will there be anything else? Actually, you know what? I think we have everything we need.
Very good, monsieur.
Good afternoon yet again, monsieur.
You do know, we have a full dining car at the rear of the train.
Yes, uh, we just We quite like it in here.
So, ha, ha.
Ha, ha.
So you really don't have a favorite band? I don't Everybody's got a favorite band.
What's your favorite live show? - Music hasn't been at the top of my list.
- Oh, is that? Okay, music.
Something that we can work on.
Although that would require us leaving this compartment.
- And I'm not sure how I feel about that.
- No.
All right.
Why? Why? Oh.
Beckman expected us back in Burbank today.
So did Ellie and Casey and Devon.
We can't just run away like this.
- Why not? - Chuck.
Casey's been reinstated.
Ellie and Awesome are going to Africa.
Everyone else is moving forward with their life.
Sarah, for the first time since I've known you, nothing is holding us back.
And if Beckman finds out, she could stop all of this.
I can't risk that.
I won't.
You're right.
I can't go back to how it was before.
Before this.
Before you.
We should do what I should've done in Prague.
We should run.
But, Chuck, is that what you really want? I want you.
Sarah Walker, do you agree to quit the spy life with me? I do.
Chuck, do you agree to quit the spy life with me? I do.
Agents Walker and Bartowski haven't checked in since the Shaw incident.
They were to report back here at 0800 today.
As far as the U.
government is concerned, they're AWOL.
We'll need access to Interpol sat imaging.
Our uplinks We've been down that path, colonel.
I'm coming to you because you have access to a unique resource.
The Intersect and Mr.
Grimes have an oddly co-dependent relationship.
I need to know if they're in communication.
Use him to find Chuck.
Devon, what are these? Babe, this didn't happen by accident.
Okay, well, they're not coming with us to Africa.
Don't worry, babe.
I'm sure Chuck will be at our going-away party.
It's fine.
It's fine.
If he shows up, he shows up.
If he doesn't I'm sure whatever he's doing at Buy More Corporate is very important.
Well, I see you finally made it out of your compartment, Mr.
and Mrs? Charles Carmi Charles.
Charles Charles is the name.
We are the Charleses.
The Charles-ezez? We're on our honeymoon.
I blew that cover story, didn't I? I think the honeymoon bit might've been too much.
Was it? I should've just said we were dating exclusively.
- That's a fair assumption.
- Chuck, we're running away together.
Man, pastries for breakfast every morning.
Europe is genius.
You're probably used to this stuff, right? I may have a lot of stamps in my passport but I think this is the first time I'm actually seeing the place.
Well, where do we begin? We can go anywhere, be anyone, do anything.
Well, we could go skiing in the Alps.
It could be painful.
Although we could also catch a bunch of great concerts.
Could be fun.
And, uh, if we get tired of Europe, there is always Canada.
No matter where we go or what we do.
As long as we're together, right? Raspberry.
Chocolate chips.
Charge this to Compartment 47.
- To not being spies.
- To not being spies.
Casey, I haven't heard from Chuck and he hasn't updated his Facebook status which I can only assume means, well, that he's Probably on something important.
Cut the man some slack.
He's got the world's fate resting in his hands.
Oh, I'd say he's got something else resting in his hands.
- What do you mean? - Chuck's off-grid with Walker.
Do the math, Grimes.
He's going to need a walker when Walker's through with him.
- They're having intercourse, idiot.
- Oh.
Say no more.
Good for Chuck.
Shouldn't be hard to find them.
And, yes, I will assist you.
I happen to be the Intersect of Chuck.
Hey, you seen Chuck? I was just gonna ask you the same thing.
So where's Chuck? You are on a need-to-know basis.
Well, good thing you came to me, as I have been tasked to bring him back.
- So.
- Back? Back from where? - Well, probably better you don't know.
- Whatever.
- But you know the party tomorrow? - Yeah, sure.
No matter what, it will kill her if Chuck's not there to say goodbye so make it happen.
Somebody say bat mitzvah? Hey.
You know, there's a lengthy Hebrew translation I'm not gonna get into, nope.
In the olden days, bat mitzvah meant: "Party hard because your daughter's almost ripe for plucking.
" - Oh, my.
- I miss the olden days.
Gonna assume our invitations got lost in the mail.
Jeffster formally accepts.
Our manager, by which I mean me, will be in touch.
I can't believe it.
We're really out of the spy game.
Yeah, it's gonna be tough to just turn off this old head of mine.
I know what you mean.
It's kind of second nature.
So, theoretically, if I were to flash, I'd just ignore it.
- That's what we decided, right? - Right.
Right, just a couple of regular people blending in.
Just a couple of regular people doing regular things.
Nothing heroic.
Because that's what you wanted, right? Of course.
I'll go and get some fresh air.
I'm gonna get some ice cream.
- Wanna get it? - You can get it.
I'll get fresh air here.
- Good.
- Yeah, I'll just open the window.
Nothing like some nice Swiss air to get the blood pumping you know what I mean? Oh! Oh! Oh, that's cold.
That is brisk, but refreshing.
Uh, I'll be right back.
Juan Diego Arnaldo.
He's a Basque terrorist.
Codes, dates.
What on earth are they planning? Oh, damn it.
Names, dates.
What are they up to? God.
Come on.
What are y'all doing in my room? My husband is gonna kick your behinds.
This is my compartment though I'd be happy to show you to wherever you are going.
Oh, ha, ha.
I'm so embarrassed.
All of these rooms look the same six drinks in.
We do everything big in Texas.
- I can see that.
- Right, well, I'll be on my way.
Whoa! Just doing some calisthenics.
Can't let myself go now that I got the girl.
Oh, yeah.
You know, Chuck, I can't fake this.
Not with you.
What? - You've been faking it the whole time? - No, no, no.
Not that.
I spotted a Basque terrorist onboard.
- Juan - Diego Arnaldo.
I flashed on him.
He has a whole list of names in his room.
All of his contacts from the Euskadi Ta Askatasuna.
My God, you even make terrorist groups sound sexy.
So you were the one I was hiding from.
You were the one in the bathroom? You know, Juan Diego Arnaldo is a terrorist.
After all, it would be irresponsible Even criminal to turn our backs on him.
One last mission before we quit? One last mission.
Let me get this straight.
Last time you saw Chuck was in Paris? - Quiet.
- What? - Hey, you asked me for my help.
- I was tasked to ask for your help.
- There's a big difference.
- Tomato, tomato.
You're looking for a needle in a haystack made of needles.
You need to create an advantage.
That's me.
You know, it can take up to seven minutes to strangle someone to death.
- I've done it in under 30 seconds.
- Wow.
See, I thought John Casey wasn't scared of anything.
- I'm not.
- Why are you scared to ask for my help? Go.
All right.
Looks like we have an Oracle-based system here.
I've been studying this subject for over 20 years.
- I think I know a thing or two.
- Mm-hm.
I noticed Chuck left behind his eczema moisturizing cream which he needs a prescription for.
And Dr.
Feldman, our dermatologist would have had to call in to a pharmacy like this one.
Near the train station.
Let me see if I can find out what day he picked it up.
Okay, April 15th.
So let's cross-check that with the train-station security camera footage.
Oh, boy, this is gonna be tough.
Yeah, see, this is why we leave the spy work to the spies.
Oh, no, no, no, not yet.
Listen to me.
Chuck's a hardcore DC Comics guy and not leaving Paris without the latest issue of Justice League.
- What? - Where is the nearest magazine stand? There.
Bingo, huh? There he is.
There's our boy.
Now just see if we can zoom in on the ticket.
They're en route to Zurich.
Make sure your passport's up to date.
Pack light.
Wait a minute.
I'm traveling to Europe on the government's dime? Champagne, langostino, fully reclining seats.
First class, here I come, baby.
Casey, I get nervous feelings when I fly.
Big job ahead of us.
- Get some sleep.
- I can't.
See, in my head, the only way the plane remains aloft is if I'm rooting for it.
So it stands to reason, if I'm sleeping, I'm not rooting.
- I'm doing it for the passengers.
- Whatever, nut-job.
But you wake me, you'll be the only one that dies.
If we can subdue Arnaldo and leave them cuffed at the next station We can place an anonymous call to Interpol to pick them up.
- Bad guys delivered.
- Day saved.
Then we can finally start living our real lives together.
Right? Right.
So, what's the plan? We left all of our spy gear in Paris.
Oh, hey.
Sorry, man.
Ha, ha.
Ride on a train's a little bumpy, you know, and I had a couple drinks.
Take it easy.
Well, they already know me as a drunken newlywed.
It's about time they met my handsome husband.
What do you say, tiger? Well, I do believe you are correct, Mrs.
Although I can't help feeling like we're missing something.
Is all that really necessary? - Every traveler should own a rucksack.
- What's with the stupid maple-leaf patch? Every American also knows to act Canadian as to be well-liked.
That's a cliché.
We're on a mission, not a vacation.
I'm sorry.
I've never been to Europe.
I've barely been south of Redondo Beach.
- Ticket, please.
Oh, right.
- What are you doing? - Hold on.
Don't worry.
My ticket is in my super-secret money pouch.
There you go.
Trains and buses are hotbeds for gypsy activity.
Stay alert.
Thank you.
Check the sleeping compartments.
I'll get the dining car.
Copy that.
Up we go.
Sorry, sorry.
Excuse me.
Oh, my God.
Hi, y'all.
It's me.
Remember me? I was in y'all's room.
I don't suppose you would mind taking a picture of me and my husband? - It's our honeymoon.
Yes, it is.
- Oh, dear.
- Oh! Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
Charlie, baby, look what I did.
I made an oopsie.
It's no problem, my dear.
- You only honeymoon once.
- This man speaks the truth.
Hey, but still, apologies, nonetheless.
I'm Mr.
This is Mrs.
- We are the Charleses.
- The Charleseses.
Ha, ha.
Well, Charlie Charles does not spill a man's drink onto a man's cheese tray and not buy a man another drink.
Why don't I get you some fresh ones, and maybe another cheese tray to boot? Oh, isn't he just a sweetheart? I mean, doesn't that look delicious, by the way? I mean, that cheese.
Attention, Mr.
and Mrs.
Why do they need a rehearsal? Prepare yourself to be wowed by a wall of sound.
- What was that? You blew the amp.
It's not the size of the instrument that matters but how often your mother catches you playing.
You know who can fix that amp in two seconds? Chuck.
- I really think you can handle it.
- No, we need Chuck.
We don't need Chuck, okay? Sorry.
We're just We're gonna figure something else out, okay? Go get our turtlenecks.
Tonight, Jeffster goes unplugged.
Um, Lester, that's lime juice.
Enjoy your rest.
Try this one.
It is just delightful.
Here we are.
Sorry about the inconvenience.
There's your three fresh beverages for you gentlemen.
Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna steal my pretty little wife back from you.
It's been a speck of time since I whispered sweet nothings into my gal's ear.
Come on now.
She is a tigress.
A tigress.
She just comes at you.
Come on, baby.
- Let's go have some fun.
- Bye.
Y'all have a good trip now.
Well, I Cheers.
You know, uh, I know this is our last mission but we make a great team, Mrs.
I'm thinking the same thing, Mr.
Oh, God.
- Casey? - What are you doing here? Putting to rest any stupid ideas you two might have of turning this into a permanent vacation.
I realize how this must look right now but what you are unaware of is we're on a mission, okay? Behind you at the end of the dining car are members of the Basque ETA.
Those drunk guys? Yeah, they look real threatening.
Casey, what are you doing? You don't understand.
He's getting away.
What kind of a chump do you take me for, anyway? Sorry.
- Come on.
- Coming.
Not so fast.
Wrist, wrist.
Okay, go, go, go.
Oh, whoa.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Are you Canadian? Me too, eh.
Sorry to bother you.
Have you seen my friend? - He's about - Stay away from me or I'll cut you.
Not such a passive people after all.
- I'll go first.
- You know, maybe I should Shoot.
Sarah, I'm stuck.
Sarah, are you okay? - Hold on, Chuck.
I've got it.
Ha, ha.
I just got locked out.
That's all.
Hi there.
Lovely scarf.
Whoa! Chuck, get off me.
Terrorist, huh? Two spies could come up with a better excuse than that.
Casey, he's here, okay? He's in the bathroom.
I swear to you.
All right, let's say I believe you now.
Would you explain to me what the hell is going on? Hey.
Hey! Go.
Grimes, get out of the way.
That was awesome.
Did you see that hit? Guys.
- If you're going to kill me, just do it.
- We're not.
Yeah, we're CIA, dirtbag.
Morgan, not the best idea to share that information with just anyone.
If you're CIA, then why did you take out the Interpol agents on the train? - Wait, those weren't your men? - Interpol already apprehended you? No, Interpol was taking me to a witness-protection program in exchange for the names of several key ETA leaders.
You turned yourself in? I have been living on the run for the last two years of my life.
I couldn't take it anymore.
Didn't you run this mission through Beckman? We wanted to do it, um, under the radar.
- Why? - Because they're quitting.
What? No, no, no.
Wait, wait.
Hold on a second, Chuck.
You can't just stop.
Dude, you are a spy.
You're in the middle of a mission.
- Morgan, Sarah and I - We decided.
- We wanna be together.
So this is it for us, okay? Soon as we hand over Arnaldo, we're quitting.
Give me the cuffs.
It's Elia.
The Interpol agents are neutralized.
Someone did our job for us.
Meet me in Pündtün.
We'll make sure Arnaldo and his new friends never talk.
Chuck, what were you thinking? You apprehended Juan Diego Arnaldo without contacting me first? Well, yes, technically, but Your part in this little impromptu mission is over.
I'll arrange for Arnaldo to be picked up by a different Interpol team.
Try not to physically assault them.
General, we didn't hit them or assault them in any way.
No physical altercation.
We just dosed them with pharmaceutical-grade narcotics.
- Agent Bartowski.
- That's not making it better.
- How's she taking it? - Really good, I think.
All you need to do is keep Arnaldo alive until the local team arrives.
- Think you can handle that? - Absolutely.
Once Arnaldo is placed safely in Interpol custody, return to Burbank immediately.
And you better have a good explanation for your Agent Bartowski? Agent Bartowski.
General, general, please know I'm not hanging up on you right now Well? Well, we get to hang around here for a little bit longer, so vaykay.
It's like the butter shot directly from a Swiss cow into my mouth.
And, yet, I still can't enjoy it.
I can't believe you're just quitting.
- Walking away from everything.
- I'm not.
I'm walking toward something.
I can't believe you were gonna leave without saying goodbye to Ellie.
Ellie is going away.
To do something that she wants to do.
And I'm happy for her and Devon.
So that's it? - Throwing away your life for Bartowski? - I'm making a life.
I've been tasked to retrieve you two.
I know why you're here, and we're not going back.
But you're a spy, man.
This is the coolest thing that's ever happened to us.
I know what it means to make a choice like this.
I won't stop you.
- Thank you.
Unless you want me to.
I thought this was everything that you ever wanted.
It is, okay? It is.
But I want Sarah more.
Look, no matter how much I wanna be a spy, I want Chuck more.
- May I interject? No.
So if I have to choose between the two, I choose Sarah.
- Does it have to be a choice? - I don't know.
Excuse me.
Look, Sarah has been a spy her entire life and now she's willing to give up everything to be with me, man.
- Me.
Doesn't have to be all or nothing.
No, I can't risk it.
This is what he wants.
And if this is what she wants then I'm not gonna risk losing her again.
Okay, fine.
Just do me this favor.
Before you quit, make damn sure that quitting is what she wants.
All right, enough of this.
If you're gonna go, you'd better go now before the other Interpol team gets here.
- Right now? Yeah.
We'll hand him over.
Well, I will.
Perhaps we should all share some nut cake before you go.
Especially you two.
Open communication is very important.
Ah, shut up.
All right.
- Let's say goodbye, huh? Love you, man.
I love you too.
I'll miss you.
- Thank you, Casey.
- Mm-hm.
Take care of my boy.
- I will.
- All right.
So kiss me and smile for me.
Tell me that you'll wait for me.
Hold me like you'll never let me go.
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane.
Well, here we go.
Don't know when I'll be back again I gotta say, it's really weird leaving.
I mean, I've never lived anywhere outside of California before, so.
Well, I've lived all over the world, but, uh well, Burbank's the only place that ever felt like home.
Oh, babe, I hate to go I hate to go - Nice job.
All right.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Devon, Ellie, you wanna come up here and say a few words? Oh.
- Colonel John Casey.
- Agent Simon.
Agent Patino.
We heard there was a misunderstanding.
You could say that.
Ha, ha.
Right here.
So impolite.
Can't disclose what the M stands for.
So, yeah, yeah, where you boys stationed nowadays? - Lake Como.
- Is that right? Seriously? Oh, I love Lake Como.
I've never actually been there myself, but I read all about it.
Look, right here.
Yeah, paints quite the elegant portrait, you know? But it is still just a book, so, tell me the Villa del Balbianello, is it? - Am I saying that right? Balbianello? - It's beautiful.
- I can imagine.
This time of year Grimes.
- Let them do their job.
- Naturally.
Sure, sure.
There I go.
But one more question about Lake Como.
Sagra di San Giovanni.
Is it just everything I heard it was? I mean, I The palaces are beautiful there.
Yeah Palaces? We really should go.
Yeah, no.
I've held you up enough.
I'll go on all day.
Lake Como, Lake Como.
But Sagra di San Giovanni, it's this festival of boats.
Supposed to be amazing, dating back hundreds of years.
So I thought anyone who's spent any amount of time in Lake Como well, they'd probably know it.
- I don't recommend that.
- Oh, Canada.
Wouldn't want to make a scene or a mess.
Well, after you, Agent Walker.
No longer an agent, right? No longer Mr.
Charles, either, I suppose.
Sarah, this is what you want, right? To run away? Well, I always thought that it had to be one way or the other.
But maybe.
Maybe what? You can say it.
It's okay.
Sorry to cut the honeymoon short but what have you done with Juan Diego Arnaldo? Guys, guys, guys, please.
Listen to me.
This is a giant misunderstanding.
We're on the same side.
You drugged us.
Interpol did send an additional team to retrieve Arnaldo.
Oh, okay.
Then I expect an apology.
They were just found dead Oh, my God.
Morgan and Casey.
- Our friends are in big trouble right now.
- Well, our friends are dead.
And you're gonna tell us why.
- We can't leave them.
- I know.
If we're gonna do something, we have to do it now.
What are you doing? Looking for the keys.
No, we don't have time.
We have to run.
Hold on.
I want to know everything you've told Interpol.
You should never have abandoned your team.
Don't you have some signal to the CIA to alert them that we're in danger? The only CIA agents within 100 miles of here just quit.
Just stay calm.
I can't hit a girl.
I can.
On your feet now.
Hook arms.
Push, push, push.
That was awesome.
Casey, are you all right? Don't worry.
I'll take care of this one.
Don't you two have a train to catch? Uh, yeah.
Yeah, we do.
- Right, Chuck? - Right.
May I just say, I've been on the run for two years.
And no matter how far you run, you can never run from yourself.
And from what I've heard from both of you it's not what either of you really wants.
- You don't wanna quit? - I thought that's what you wanted.
I don't want you to choose me over something that you want for yourself.
I want you.
I want us.
Do you think if we went back and we told Beckman the honest-to-God, absolute truth you think we'd really have a shot at having it all? Chuck, do you agree to not quit the spy life and be with me? I do.
Sarah, do you agree to not quit the spy life and be with me? I do.
Good work, Colonel Casey.
Because of your efforts, a group of Basque terrorists were captured.
Thank you, general.
Uh, it wasn't just me.
Grimes here was resourceful and quick to action when necessary.
An unlikely pair often produces successful results.
Thank you.
You're both dismissed.
Actually, uh, if I may address you directly, general.
Wow, what a trip.
Ha, ha.
And Chuck and Sarah, I know, I know.
They may have acted impulsively, recklessly, foolishly, even, I don't know.
But I do know this, these two were born to be spies.
- Get him out of here.
What? Do either of you have any type of explanation for your extemporaneous holiday? It was my fault.
I flashed and made Agent Walker accompany me while pursuing a suspect.
I was following a hunch, and Chuck was simply being a good partner.
- Do you both think me an idiot? No, ma'am.
Then don't lie to me.
General, look, I think it's important you should know that Sarah and I We We Stop right there.
Release Agent Walker.
I didn't ask.
I don't need to know all the But I thought you said no more lies, and we want to tell you the truth.
- No.
- General, Chuck and I are dating.
I must caution you that allowing your private life to interfere with your professional one can be dangerous.
But off the record: It's about damn time.
Oh, my God.
I forgot that Ellie was leaving.
Ellie? Devon? I've never asked Chuck for anything.
I just wanted a chance to say goodbye.
And he couldn't even give me that.
I just wanted a chance to say goodbye, and he couldn't even Chuck.
I forgot my phone.
I think I still might be a little drunk.
I'm so sorry, Ellie.
I wanted to be here.
Chuck, it's fine.
You missed one party.
Truth is, I think I got so drunk because I was upset with myself.
I'm leaving my little brother.
I'm not so little anymore.
And, uh, just so you know you're not leaving me alone.
You guys are back together? We're together.
I think I found the one.
This is gonna be your favorite song.
Birds flying high You know how I feel.
The sun in the sky You know how I feel I like this.
Breeze drifting on by You know how I feel.
Well, it's a good start.
It's a new dawn, it's a new day.
It's a new life for me, yeah.
It's a new dawn, it's a new day It's a new life for me.
And I'm feeling good.
Fish in the sea You know how I feel River running free You know how I feel.
Blossom on the tree You know how I feel.
It's a new dawn, it's a new day It's a new life I'm feeling good