Cobra Kai (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

Ace Degenerate

All right, ladies and gentleman, this is the moment we've been waiting for.
The presenta-- Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight? Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight! Now, isn't this what it's all about, folks? Go! Hiyah! -Fight! -Here we go.
Johnny, you're a cream puff! Sweep the leg.
You have a problem with that? No, Sensei.
No mercy.
Two points, LaRusso.
Lawrence, nothing.
Ready? Fight.
One point, Lawrence.
One point, Lawrence.
Two, two.
Hiyah! Get him a body bag! Yeah! Warning for illegal contact to the knee.
Whoever wins the next point will be our new champion.
Finish him! Daniel LaRusso! Ugh.
Hey, I'm Miguel.
My family and I just moved into 109.
More immigrants.
Actually, we're from Riverside.
But anyways, I was just wondering if you were having trouble with your water pressure, 'cause I know our sink's being a little weird right now and-- Oh, bottles go in the blue bin.
Listen, Menudo I've lived in this shithole for over ten years.
The pipe's don't work.
The fountain's full of piss.
And the only good thing about being here is I don't have to talk to anybody.
So nice knowing you.
Okay, well have a nice day, I guess.
You got to be kidding me.
Not another one.
Now listen.
Not a dime, I can't pay my rent I can barely make it through the week I'm always workin', slavin' every day Gotta get a break from that same old, same old Hey.
If you could hear me think This is what I'd say Don't need nothin' but a good time How can I resist Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time Ugh.
And it don't get better than this Hey! You see I raise a toast to all of us Who are breakin' our backs every day If wantin' the good life is such a crime Lord, then put me away, yeah Don't need nothin' but a good time How can I resist Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time And it don't get better than this It don't get better, girl.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the hell is this? Don't worry, it's gonna be level.
I'm just lining it up.
You put it on the wrong wall.
I said the wall across from the door.
This is the wall across from the door.
Not that door, idiot.
The door.
Just move the TV.
I have company coming over.
Wait, hold on.
I'm gonna have to fill the holes, re-measure, match the paint.
It's gonna take me an hour just to get to the hardware store.
That's not my problem.
I'm not the dummy who put the TV on, literally, the only wall in the house that a TV would not go.
Why can't a TV go on this-- Look, I'll come by first thing in the morning and put everything just the way you want it, all right? -I just can't do it now.
-Well, that's just great.
Not bad enough you took a shit in my powder room.
You said that's where I was supposed to go.
Yeah, I didn't know you were gonna take a shit.
Okay, okay, we'll figure this out, all right? Just quit bitching at me.
What did you just call me? No, no, no, no, no.
I didn't call her a bitch.
I said she was bitching at me.
There's a difference.
You're firing me because of that bitch? You know what? I hated this damn job anyway.
You better pay me what you owe me, Mike.
Mike? Banzai.
I'm Daniel LaRusso.
And at LaRusso Auto, we kick the competi-- That one.
Aren't you gonna wear gloves? Can you put that on a plate? -My grandma's not feeling well.
-Didn't ask.
Come on, what's Spanish for "just give me my damn slice"? What did you just say? -What did he say? -You don't want to know.
No, I know it was something bad; just tell me.
Uh, he sai-- he said you have a tiny He said I have a tiny wang? -Tell him he has a tiny wang.
-I speak English, asshole.
Oh, really? Whoo! Hey, yo, Brucks, get the light beer this time.
Got to cut weight for the meet.
-Hundo P, son.
-Damn right.
Whoo! Man, you should get some condoms too.
Finish up and then beat it.
-Excuse me? -This is my mart.
You ain't hustlin' no coin at my mart.
I'm not hustlin'.
I'm not homeless.
That's my car.
What the hell are you doing? Why you got to blow up our spot? Man, he thought we were in college, dumbass.
I didn't know you guys were trying to buy beer.
I'm sorry.
-Yes, let's go.
-What the hell are you doing? Ooh, what do we got here? Yeah, what do you got? What do you got? Pepto.
Oh, shit, someone has frickin' diarrhea.
Hey, we should call him 'Rhea.
Give it back, dude.
-What are you ta-- -It's for my grandma.
Oh, it's for your grandma.
Ah, shit, I'm sorry, man.
Hey, you want it? Hey, you can take all that-- -Ugh.
-Take that.
-Oh! -What'd you say, 'Rhea? I-I didn't say anything.
-That's brute, Ky.
Oh, what? You crying? Hey, where you going, pussy? Hey! Watch the car, man.
-Who's this dude? -Just leave the dork alone.
You see this guy? Eating his dinner at the mini mart like a bum.
Wait, I-I think I know this guy.
He's the jerk-off that cleaned my dad's septic tank.
That explains why he smells like shit.
All right, trust me, you guys are pissing off the wrong guy on the wrong day, all right? -Really? -Yeah, really.
Get the hell out of here, loser.
Let's get him.
Holy shit, how did you-- Ah! What's the matter? Having trouble breathing? Is that all you got, ladies? -Come on, Ky.
Let's go.
-Ge off me! What's the matter? Having trouble breathing? Hey, get off the kid! Hey, hey, hey! It's not his fault! Hey, I just-- I just wanted to say thank you.
All right, well, you said it.
So last night, was that, like, Tae Kwon Do or jujitsu or MMA or something? It's karate.
Old-school karate.
Do you think you could teach me? What? No.
What? Come on, when school starts, those guys are gonna make my life miserable.
-It's not my problem.
-What? If I just knew a little bit of what you knew then I would be-- Forget it.
I don't do karate anymore.
All right? Besides, I need to find a job.
Well, you can open your own karate school.
It's called a dojo.
Well, you could open your own dojo.
Look, I'm not getting into this with you, all right? I'm not even sure I'm allowed to be around kids right now.
All right, you want my advice? Stop being so annoying.
Maybe you'll stop getting your ass kicked.
You got Encore? Yes, ma'am, that's correct, Your Honor, she is-- Who the hell are you? You know those little red stickers that say "further reduced"? That means spoiled.
You know that, right? You're eating bad meat, boy.
What the hell are you doing in my apartment, Sid? Oh, that's some thank-you.
Who do you think bailed you out? Again.
I never asked you for anything.
I think that little incident at Applebee's would've taught you to keep your hands to yourself.
You know when I met your mom, she really knocked my socks off.
Little did I know I'd be taking care of her schmuck kid forever.
Yeah, Sid, you were the stepfather of the century.
Well, high praise coming from a world-class daddy like you.
How old is Robby now? 15? 16? When's the last time you saw him? Just get the hell out of here, man.
I'll get the hell out of here when I'm goddamn good and ready.
-What? Blood pressure.
Ah, keep watching your bullshit judge show.
Will you, Rhonda? And stay out of this.
This is why I'm here.
What's this? Well, you know, I told your mama I'd take care of you always, but in this case, I think even she would cut me some slack.
I'm buying you out of my life.
I'd rather be homeless than take money from you.
Oh, well, hell Yeah, okay.
Rhonda! Lunchtime! Call Art's.
See if they got that belly lox.
I'd say get your life in order, but, uh, at this point, you're like the meat in your fridge.
Chappy, Chappy, where are you? Just put in that tape, that's an order.
Nothing you can do about me.
Chappy, I want to help you.
Where are you? Climb high like I told you.
Doug, I ain't gonna make it.
Chappy! ppy: A bunch of things must've gone wrong if you're listening to this.
Whatever happened, I know you must be real scared.
Right now you're probably filled with all the doubts in the world.
But I'm gonna tell you something, Doug.
God doesn't give people things He doesn't want them to use.
And He gave you the touch.
It's a power you have inside of you, down there where you keep your guts, boy.
It's all you need to blast your way in and get back what they took from you.
Banzai! Daniel LaRusso here for LaRusso Auto, bringing you specials on all of our inventory.
We have an excess of Jeep Grand Cherokees priced to go.
Get a lease for only--Nah.
Make that--Chop! Yes, we are chopping prices on all of our Hondas, Nissans, Acuras, and Audis.
So come visit any of our locations in Tarzana, Woodland Hills, North Hollywood, or Sherman Oaks.
And as always, every customer leaves with their very own bonsai tree.
LaRusso Auto Group.
We kick the competition.
Daylight, all right I don't know -Yeah.
-All right.
I don't know if it's real Been a long night, and something ain't right You won't show, you won't show how you feel No time - Ever seemed right To talk about the reasons why you're not fine It's high time to draw the line Put an end to this game before it's too late Head games It's you and me, baby Head games And I can't take it anymore Head games I don't wanna play the head games I daydream for hours it seems I keep thinking of you, yeah, thinking of you These daydreams What do they mean? They keep haunting me Are they warning me? Man: I got second place.
Second place is no place! You're off the team! That sucks.
I did my best.
-What did you say? -I said I did my best.
You're nothing! You lost! You're a loser! -No, you're the loser, man.
-Oh, I'm the loser, huh? Yeah.
Now who's the loser? You know, you're really sick, man.
-Hey, come on! -Hey, what are you doing? Don't.
How does second place feel now, huh? Come on, he can't breathe.
-Mind your business.
-You're gonna kill him.
Sensei, please, you're hurting him.
How does second place feel now, huh? Oh, my God.
Yasmine, I told you you shouldn't be on your phone.
What the-- What are we gonna do, guys? What are we gonna do? We have to call the police.
We can't.
My parents will kill me.
What the hell are you doing? What are you-- Open the door! Open the door! Drive! Hey, where do you think you're going? Where do you think you're going? Shit.
Oh, come-- Take care of her.
She's a classic.
-Hey, where do I pick it up? -It's on the card.
No, no, no.
Hey, hey! Ah, come on.
How you doing, sir? -Would you be interested in-- -No.
You're all set.
Thanks so much.
Have a great day.
Thank you.
Hi, welcome to LaRusso.
How can I help you? Hi, I just need to pick up my car.
I'm in a bit of a hurry.
Oh, this came in last night? It's gonna be at least a couple of weeks, but we'll call you with an estimate.
No, no, no, my car was not supposed to come here.
Okay? I want it towed to a different body shop.
Why? We have the number-one service team in the Valley.
We beat all prices.
We kick the competition.
Yeah, yeah, I've heard it a million times.
I just prefer to do my business elsewhere.
And here are the watering instructions.
Thanks again for being returning customers.
Before you go, Mr.
LaRusso wanted to thank you personally.
Let me go get him.
Can you hurry it up? I got to go.
Hold on.
Um, it says your car is in one of our intake lots.
I'll just figure out which one.
You know what? I'll come back tomorrow.
But, sir, I-- Johnny? Johnny Lawrence.
I-I-I knew it was you.
Holy-- -How the hell are you? -Hey, man.
Oh, my God, look at you.
You still got those golden locks, eh? God, this is crazy.
How you been? Great, man.
I've been great.
That's great.
Hey, hey, Anoush.
Come here.
Louie, get over here.
I want you to meet somebody.
-I got to go.
-No, no, no, no.
This is Johnny Lawrence.
He and I go way back, right, buddy? This guy was the toughest dude in my high school.
When I first moved here from Jersey, he and I We got into a little bit.
This guy really had it in for me.
Yeah, well, you did move in on my girl.
Well, she actually wasn't really your girl anymore, was she? I mean Ah, all right, that's all water under the bridge.
Is this the karate guy, the guy from the tournament? Oh, this is the guy whose ass you kicked.
It was a really close match.
But if you want to get technical, I kicked his face.
I'm just busting your chops.
It was an illegal kick.
Oh, illegal, really? Come on, what about that elbow to my knee? Yeah, I got a warning.
You got the win.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No fighting in the showroom, guys.
All right, back to work.
-All right.
Nice meeting you.
-Get back to work.
Enough reminiscing, right? So what brings you in? You looking for a new ride? He wants his car towed to a different body shop.
Oh, no, no, Johnny, we got the best prices in town.
That crook at Cole's on Van Nuys-- he's gonna try to screw you over.
Sheila, let me see the estimate.
Pontiac? Firebird? Wow.
Someone did a real number on this thing.
Maybe it's time for an upgrade.
Why don't we walk the lot? I could give you a great deal on a certified pre-owned-- I just want my car.
All right.
All right, all right.
You got it, all right? Let me see how low I can get this repair.
Friends and family My own personal code.
You know what? It's on the house.
No way, man.
I don't need your charity.
No, no, you'd be doing me a favor.
Our guys aren't used to working on a car like this.
They could use the practice.
You could use the repairs.
-This is win-win.
-I said I'll handle it.
All right.
Okay, but it's-- John, it's gonna cost more than the car's worth.
Listen, don't worry about it, John.
It's my pleasure, all right? -All right.
-Okay? Just hang here a second.
I got something for you.
One minute.
-Hey, Dad.
-Look who's here.
Open the door! I'm good.
You got to be kidding me.
Hey, Johnny, wait up.
Johnny, wait up.
Every customer gets one.
Come on.
And, hey, look, I don't blame you for what happened back in the day, all right? I know that wasn't you.
It was Cobra Kai.
We're all better off without it, am I right? All right, take care of yourself, and I'll call you when the car's ready, okay? This is crazy.
You look--you look-- It's good to see you, man.
Are you sure you're ready? 'Cause once you go down this path, there's no turning back.
You're gonna be my karate teacher? No.
I'm gonna be your sensei.
I'm gonna teach you the style of karate me: a method of fighting your pussy generation desperately needs.
Good luck.
It's all yours.
All right.
I'm not just gonna teach you how to conquer your fears.
I'm gonna teach you how to awaken the snake within you.
And once you do that, you'll be the one who's feared.
You'll build strength.
You'll learn discipline.
And when the time is right You'll strike back.
Remember that guy from my high school? The blond pretty boy that you beat in that tournament.
I never remember calling him "pretty.
" Cobra Kai isn't just about karate.
It's about a way of life.
What does any of this have to do with karate? Do not question my methods.
Anyone I have to worry about? There's this one guy.
How about we invite him over for dinner on Friday? So tell me about that shiner you got there.
Oh, this? I know high school kids can be rough.
Oh, it wasn't a kid.
Some things never change.
You've seen Johnny's story, now click below for another free episode of Cobra Kai to see Daniel LaRusso's side of the story.