Cobra Kai (2018) s01e02 Episode Script

How lucky can one guy be? I kissed her, and she kissed me Like the fella once said Ain't that a kick in the head? The room was completely black I hugged her, and she hugged back Like the sailor said, quote Ain't that a hole in the boat? My head keeps spinning I go to sleep and keep grinning If this is just the beginning My life is gonna be beautiful I've sunshine enough to spread It's just like the fella said Tell me quick Ain't that a kick in the head? Ain't that a kick in the head? So am I going to get the karate pajamas, too-- Quiet! The student only speaks when spoken to.
Is that understood? Uh, yes.
-Yes, sir? -You will always address me as "Sensei," is that understood? Yes, Sensei.
These aren't pajamas.
This is a gi.
And you'll get one when you've earned it.
All right, are you ready to begin your training? Yes, Sensei.
-What the-- -Hyah! Lesson one, strike first.
Never wait for the enemy to attack.
You could have gave me, like, a warning.
Quiet! We do not train to be merciful here.
Mercy is for the weak.
Here on the street, in competition, a man confronts you, he is the enemy.
An enemy deserves no mercy.
What is the problem, Mr.
Diaz? There's no problem, Sensei.
You punched me, and I have asthma, so Not anymore.
We do not allow weakness in this dojo.
So you can leave your asthma and your peanut allergies and all that other made-up bullshit outside.
Is that understood? Yes, but those are real medical problems.
I was-- Yes, Sensei, understood.
Cobra Kai isn't just about karate.
It's about a way of life.
Take that first lesson.
Striking first is the initial step towards victory.
Okay, like when you're at a party -and you see a hot babe.
-Yeah.
You don't wait for some other guy to go talk to her first, do you? I mean, I've never been to a party, so Big surprise.
All right, look striking first is about being aggressive, all right? If you're not aggressive, then you're being a pussy, and you don't want to be a pussy.
You want to have balls.
Don't you think you're doing a lot of genderizing? -What? -Oh, uh, sorry.
Don't you think you're doing a lot of genderizing, Sensei.
No, what the hell are you talking about? Oh, uh, my guidance counselor says that certain words perpetuate the sexist world view that can trigger-- Quiet! From now on, you won't listen to your guidance counselor.
You're going to listen to me.
Is that understood? -Uh, yes, Sensei.
-Good.
Now stop yapping like a little girl and give me 50 push-ups on your knuckles.
Uh, okay.
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
All right, just do some crunches.
Don't you have gym class or something? Yeah.
Howdy, there, Mr.
, uh, Lawrence? -It's Sensei.
-Miguel, shut up.
What brings you in? Looking to lose that gut and learn how to kick some ass? No.
I'm from the city health department.
This is a list of requirements needed to open up an exercise studio.
This isn't an exercise studio.
This is a karate dojo.
Yeah, same deal.
Wow.
This place needs a lot of work.
You're not open for business, are you? You, you a customer here? No, that's just an illegal I picked up this morning.
He's helping me set up.
I don't need to know about all that.
My job is just to make sure this place is up to code.
You don't want a scabies outbreak like that hot yoga place over on Tujunga.
Wait, so I have to do all this crap before I even open? No, you need to do all that to get the certificate that's required to get the insurance you need to open.
But you knew that when you signed your lease, right? Right, yeah.
I'll drop in next week for another inspection.
Huh, cool rattlesnake.
It's a cobra.
Oh, right, duh.
I'm such an idiot.
Cobra "Kay.
" Hey, bud, hey.
Why don't you check out that magician over there? He's doing some pretty amazing tricks.
-I'm on level 10.
-All right, come on.
All right, you could play that game anywhere.
How about we shoot some hoops? I'll win you a prize.
I'm thirsty.
All right, great, there's a bar right over there.
Let's take a walk, we'll get a couple of sodas.
Nah, I'm good.
You know, I would have killed to visit a club like this when I was his age.
You know where I had to hang out in the summer? On a filthy street in Newark-- With a broken fire hydrant next to your Aunt Tessie's.
Yeah.
What do you say we let Anthony play with his thing and you and I get a couple drinks? -Dirty martinis? -Yes, ice, ice cold.
Perfect.
-LaRussos! -Hey.
Hey, you still kicking that competition? You know it, Isaiah.
-How's the Q5 treating you? -Wouldn't know.
This one over here's been behind the wheel all month, going back and forth to robot camp.
Dad, it's an AP physics prep course.
-Mm-hmm.
-Hey, where's Samantha? I feel like I haven't seen her all summer.
-Oh, she's--she's-- -She's with her grandma.
But I'll tell her that you said hi.
-Great.
-Later, LaRussos.
Bye.
Here are your drinks.
With her grandma? Yeah, right.
Lately I can't get her to call my mom, -let alone visit her.
-What am I supposed to say? That she's hanging out with her new friends? All I know is she should be here.
We come to this party once a year.
She gets to see her stupid friends every day.
Someone's in a mood.
What's going on with you? Nothing, I'm fine.
All right, all right.
You remember that that guy from my high school whose car I fixed for free? Yeah, the blonde pretty boy that you beat in that tournament.
Actually, I never remember calling him "pretty.
" -Oh.
-But anyway I'm driving home from work yesterday, and I pull up to a stoplight, and I look, and in this strip mall, I see that he's got-- Dad, where the hell is my drink? Hurry up.
You know what? I'm going to throw him in the goddamn pool.
Okay.
Looking good.
Make sure you get both sides.
And after you're done with that, you can take care of these exposed wires.
That's going to be a lot of work.
Yeah, but what does any of this have to do with karate, Sensei? Do not question my methods.
Just be thankful you're not a sumo wrestler.
Those guys have to wipe their Sensei's asses.
So, I, uh, see you were a karate champion, Sensei.
You don't have to call me "Sensei" every time.
I'm sorry, Sensei.
I, um, sorry, I'm sorry.
Eh, I won a couple All Valley tournaments.
Didn't lose a single point my junior year.
All right.
What happened your senior year? This isn't 20 questions.
Get back to scrubbing.
Yeah.
Where the hell is that garbage coming from? -That's me, sorry, yeah.
-You hear that? Hey.
Yeah, uh, debate is running a little late.
Uh, okay.
Love you too.
Don't tell me you have a girlfriend.
That was my mom, actually.
Um, I told her I joined the debate team because she doesn't approve of violence, so Yeah, what about your dad? Is he okay with you getting your ass kicked up and down Reseda Boulevard? Oh, I never, uh, really knew my dad, so All right, well, stop standing there.
Get back to training.
Okay, yeah, sorry.
Okay.
And change that ringtone.
Get some Guns N' Roses or something.
What's Guns N' Roses? I'm going to pretend you didn't say that.
Whoo! Okay, you were totally right.
This is so much fun.
Told you.
Always better to be the one throwing the party.
And Kyler's been eye-banging you all day.
-What's all this? -I have no idea.
Hey, Rory, do your flip again.
I want to get it for my channel.
Whoo-hoo! Yes, Rory! Hey, hey, what the hell is going on here? Oh, shit.
All right, everybody get out of here right now.
I'm so sorry, Dad.
I had no idea you were going to be home so early.
It doesn't make a difference what time I get home, Sam.
You think we want a bunch of strangers in the backyard making a mess? They're not strangers.
They're my friends.
Some friends.
Is he wearing my bathing suit? Wait, are all of you guys wearing my bathing suits? All right, listen, party's over, let's go.
Take the suits off and leave.
No, not out here, genius.
In the pool house.
Daniel, can I talk to you inside? Yeah, did-- Uh, no, I'm not acting irrationally.
I'm acting like a responsible parent who cares about his kid.
Okay, we both care about our kid.
I just don't think embarrassing Sam in front of her friends is helping matters.
I don't like these new friends.
It's not like Samantha.
Why can't she be at robot camp with Aisha? Because she doesn't want to be a nerd.
Look, I remember what is was like being part of a clique that other kids made fun of.
Believe me, girls can be really cruel.
Listen, I know a thing or two about cruel, okay? I was pushed off a cliff on my bike.
There's nothing wrong with Sam wanting to be popular.
Popular is fine.
I just don't want her turning into one of these privileged Encino brats.
Neither do I.
But keep throwing her friends out of the house.
See where that gets you with your relationship with your daughter.
Whoo! Skinny dips and bong rips.
Whoa, oh, you're that banzai guy on those commercials.
Wait, where did everybody go? Wish you were here to give me some of that Miyagi wisdom right now.
-Hai.
-Hai.
Hyah! -I did it! -Good job, kiddo.
Now, if anybody comes for me, I'll kick their butt.
Well, always remember our first lesson, you.
This is for self-defense only.
True karate is here.
-It's here, but never here.
-My tummy? Yeah, something like that.
Get over here, you.
But never give up your defense.
Beware of the spinning hug move! Ah! Daddy! I need one of you bitches to pick me up for school tomorrow.
How is your car still not ready? My dad is getting me a new one.
He felt bad about that "deer" that jacked up the Range Rover.
You hit a deer? No, Moon, she rear-ended that guy's car.
Oh, yeah, right.
I'm still kind of freaked out about it.
I feel guilty about just driving away.
From that meth-head zombie? If I hadn't gunned it, we'd be chained up in his basement right now.
Sam, you got a sec? Oh, I didn't know you were talking to your friends.
-I-I'll come back.
-No, just wait a second.
Uh, yeah, I can pick you up in the morning, yes.
Oh, good.
-I just wanted to say-- -No, look, Dad I'm really sorry about today.
I shouldn't have just invited everyone over without asking you and Mom first.
Well, maybe I overreacted a little.
Maybe more than a little, okay? Just have those guys bring their own trunks from now on, okay? Deal.
So these guys Anyone I have to worry about? You don't have to worry, Dad.
But there is this one guy, Kyler.
He and I have been texting a little bit.
Texting.
Right.
Just words, though? What do you mea-- Oh, gross.
No, no.
Just words, Dad.
Good, that's good.
So Kyler how about we invite him over for dinner on Friday? You want me to invite Kyler to Friday family dinner? I'm not talking about walking you down the aisle.
We're going to give the kid a meal.
Besides, your brother has a sleepover.
It'll be a good chance for us to get to know him.
Okay.
-I'll see if he can come.
-Great.
You don't have to worry about me, Dad.
I can handle myself.
I'm a LaRusso.
That's my girl.
Jersey tough.
Dude, right there.
Come on.
It's almost out.
Come on.
Is it cool if I sit here? Ooh, sorry, table is really blowing up right now.
I can put you on the wait list, but it's probably next semester at the earliest.
-Okay.
-No, I'm kidding.
Sit.
-Miguel.
-Demetri.
This is Eli.
He's a man of few words.
Dude, don't torture yourself.
Those are the rich girls.
Do you ever talk to them or? Oh, yeah, all the time.
We hang out after school.
Make out, give each other hand jobs.
Eli here is the homecoming king.
Gets laid more than anyone.
Isn't that right, Eli? Talk to them? You realize what table you're sitting at, right? You've pretty much signed away all hopes of losing your virginity before college.
Oh, shit, Yasmine's looking at us.
Probably just making fun of me.
I don't think she's making fun of you.
I mean, just because they're hot doesn't mean they're mean.
Oh, my God, you guys.
You see that guy over there who looks like he went down on a lawnmower? He's literally wearing the ugliest sweater I've ever seen.
That is so wrong.
Speaking of wrong, check out Fug-lisha.
She looks like she ate a picnic table.
Aw.
I don't care if Yasmine is the meanest girl at school.
I'd kill both of you just to get her to spit in my face.
Yeah, well, if you don't make a move, you're never going to have a shot with her.
True, but I'll also never suffer a humiliating rejection.
I'm at peace with my depression.
Last thing I need to be is suicidal.
What are you doing? Striking first.
Oh, shit, I hope we don't get hit with the shrapnel.
What's up, ladies? See you later, 'Rhea.
So how'd it go? ny: You can't strike first if you don't know how to strike.
The cobra strike is composed of two parts-- the lunge which requires the use of the whole body and the bite, which is everything that happens after you make contact, all right? You don't stop here where knuckle hits the bone.
You punch through the bone, like the guy you really want to hit is standing behind this asshole.
All right? All right? Strike here, you bloody his nose.
Strike here, you break his teeth.
Strike here, you could severely damage his trachea.
Obviously, that's only for extreme situations.
All right, line up.
- -Focus.
I want you to practice.
Hyah.
Keep practicing.
Punch through the dummy.
Hello? Is this Mr.
Lawrence? -Yes.
-This is Carla Jenkins-- the vice principal at North Hills High.
I have you listed as an emergency contact for Robby Keene.
Uh, yeah, I'm his father.
But you're supposed to call his mom.
I already called her.
She's not picking up.
Right, big surprise.
All right, what did he do this time? We found him with Molly.
Who's Molly? Is that some chick he's hooking up with? It's an illegal drug, Mr.
Lawrence.
All right, put my kid on the phone.
-What do you want? -Robby, what the hell? You're doing drugs? You want to flush your life down the toilet? Like you're one to talk.
Don't try to play dad now.
You're a pathetic loser.
Um, I think maybe I should keep trying his mother.
Yeah, good luck with that.
What the hell's he doing? All right, no, no, no, no, no.
You're doing it all wrong.
What do you want, those kids at school to keep dumping shit on your head? You want all the girls to think you're a wangless dork? Because you can stop your training right now and you can walk outside and let the whole world know you're a loser.
Or you can plant your feet, look your enemy in the eyes, and punch him in the face! Picture your enemy.
All right, you have a picture in your mind? What are you going to do? Again! Are you a loser? No, Sensei! Again! The yanagi, or yanagi ba, depending on the region, is a knife used exclusively for cutting sashimi.
I picked up this bad boy on my first trip to Okinawa.
Voilà.
The famous LaRusso ponzu toro.
Oh, no, thanks.
I don't like sushi.
Uh, are you sure you just don't want to try a little piece? -It melts in your mouth.
-Uh, no.
Fish kind of grosses me out.
No, you like fish.
What about the fish sticks at school? Oh, yeah, fish sticks are dope.
You have fish sticks? Uh, no, just this fresh fish I picked up from the Japanese market this morning.
You know what? Why don't we go see if we can find Kyler something he can eat, okay? Sam, you want to come with me to the kitchen? Sure.
Thank you for inviting me over, Mr.
LaRusso.
Um, you have a really great house.
And I think Sam is really cool, too.
Well, thanks.
She takes after her mother.
And listen, I never liked sushi when I was your age either.
It wasn't until I met a good friend of mine -that it began to grow on me.
-Mm.
He was from Okinawa.
Where are your parents from? Irvine, I think.
Irvine, right.
So tell me about that shiner you got there.
Oh, this.
Um this is from wrestling.
You know, I dodged the wrong way, and I caught an elbow.
It's stupid.
Is that how you hurt your hand, too? No, it's okay.
I was in my share of fights back in high school.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on, Kyler, I know high-school kids can be rough.
No, it wasn't a kid.
So there was a fight.
Is there something going on at home? Oh, no, no, no.
Um Okay, some guy at a mini mall-- he just jumped me and my friends.
-What? -Yeah.
We were just at the store, trying to get some protein bars.
And, yeah, some homeless-looking guy-- he just started giving us a hard time.
And the next thing we know, he busts some karate.
Karate? Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What mini mall was this? Hey, Sensei, is there any particular way you want me to wash these windows? No, I don't give a shit.
Whatever's easiest.
You know what? Just go clean the toilet, and we'll call it a night.
Okay.
And do that one on your hands and knees.
Welcome to Cobra Kai.
Some things never change.
Yeah, what are you talking about? I heard you beat up a bunch of teenagers in that parking lot out there.
Oh, that.
No, I didn't beat up any teenagers.
I kicked the shit out of a bunch of assholes who deserved it.
Wow, Johnny Lawrence calling someone else an asshole.
That's rich, man.
Yeah, what's that supposed to mean? Look, I'm not here to rehash the past.
Just stay away from my daughter's friends.
Your daughter's friends? Yeah, that makes sense.
Nice company she keeps.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? It means those friends of hers were wailing on a kid half their size.
Now, maybe you don't know your daughter as well as you think you do.
Get your house in order, LaRusso.
Who the hell do you think you're talking to? Bathroom's clean! Is there anything else you need me to do? I'm sorry, Sensei, I-- Sensei? Really? Oh, my God, kid, I don't know what he's told you, but you shouldn't believe a word this guy says, or you're going to end up exactly like him.
You and Ithis We aren't done.
I'm right here, man.
I'm sorry if I interrupted anything, Sensei.
Should I do 20 push-ups on my knuckles? Right, like you could.
nny: You've all learned to strike first.
I've taught you to strike hard.
But I haven't taught you the third lesson of Cobra Kai.
No mercy.
The older you get, the more you're gonna learn that life isn't fair.
Things are going good.
Everything falls apart.
That's how it goes.
Life shows no mercy.
-So neither do we.
-Hyah! I feel like lately I've let my anger take control.
It's like ever since that dojo opened, you've been off.
Really wish you could be here right now.
Why don't you tell me who did this? I'm ready for your lame-ass karate this time.
It's not lame-ass karate.
It's Cobra Kai.
Yes, Sensei! God, I love this sport.
-There's a girl at school.
-She hot? There are kids from my school who are in Cobra Kai.
That doesn't automatically make them bad.
When I'm done with you, you're gonna be sending a message back.
Thinks he can bring Cobra Kai back to the Valley? Not on my watch.
What the hell are you doing? This guy was the biggest bully in my high school, and he hasn't changed at all.
Come on, Johnny! We do whatever it takes to win! You wanna do this? Let's go.
Remember who you are.
You're Cobra Kai.
You're gonna regret this when it's over.
Yeah, right.
Like this'll ever be over.
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